John: hello there, and
Welcome to the show, still
Taking place inside this void,
Which I've actually nicknamed
"Mommy."
Why have I done that?
Well, because it's white,
Chilly, and wants me out of it
As soon as possible.
Happy mother's day, everyone!
Now, obviously, many of us are
Still working from home.
Even the supreme court is
Hearing arguments remotely.
And this week, it seems they had
A little mishap.
What the ftc has said is that
When...
The subject matter of the
Call ranges to the topic, then
The call is transformed.
John: yeah, someone
Apparently flushed a toilet
During the oral arguments.
And look, I get working from
Home is a bit of an adjustment,
But there's simply no excuse for
That level of unprofess...
Goddamnit!
Not now!
Daddy's filming the show!
No pooping on show days!
We've talked about this:
We only poop on tuesdays.
That is it.
Tuesdays, we poop all day.
On fridays, we all draw cards,
And if you pull the ace of
Spades, you can do a bonus poop.
But we do!
Not!
Poop!
On!
Show days!
Ever!
Sorry about that.
It was another busy week for the
White house, although
Refreshingly, one of the biggest
Pieces of news was not actually
Coronavirus related:
Courthouse in shame following
Pleading guilty to lying to the
Fbi, the justice department that
Convicted michael flynn now
Seeking to throw out the case.
A crime cannot be established
Here.
They did not have a basis for a
Counterintelligence
Investigation against flynn at
That stage.
Does the fact remain that he
Lied?
Well, you know, people
Sometimes plead to things that
Turn out not to be crimes.
John: yeah, that's true.
Sometimes people do plead to
Things that turn out not to be
Crimes.
But sometimes they plead to
Things that are, like, I dunno,
Lying to the fbi, which is, in a
Very real sense, a f*cking
Crime.
It would have been different if
Flynn had pled guilty to, let's
Say, constantly displaying the
Facial expression of someone
Whose lunch burrito isn't
Sitting quite right, or looking
Like g.i. Joe's emotionally
Withholding father.
Those aren't crimes.
Lying to the fbi, however, is.
Especially when you consider
That what flynn was lying about
Was his contacts with a russian
Official and the fbi was in the
Midst of a russian
Counterintelligence
Investigation.
And all this is particularly
Worrying because this was a case
Brought by special counsel
Robert mueller, and the whole
Point of having a special
Counsel investigate was to keep
The process free from conflicts
Of interest.
By dropping these charges, barr
Could be setting a dangerous
Precedent, that a president
Could not just pardon the
Subject of an investigation but
Have his appointees invalidate
The investigation itself.
It's a truly unheard-of thing
For an attorney general to do,
But barr really doesn't seem to
Give a f*ck.
When history looks back on
This decision, how do you think
It will be written?
Well, history is written by
The winners, so it largely
Depends on...
Who's writing the history.
John: wow!
Now, if I were the president's
Lackey trying to twist the
Justice system to his will, I
Might have answered that simple
Question with something like
"History will show this was the
Right decision, " or " it was a
Tough call but justice was
Served."
It takes a special kind of
Arrogance for the nation's top
Law enforcement official to say,
"Actually, history is a lie we
Tell ourselves as we fall
Asleep at night, the world is
Nothing but formless chaos, and
There is no truth but that which
The strong impose upon the weak.
You get it, right?
You definitely get it."
As for the president himself, he
Spent the week continuing to
Manage the optics on his
Inability to manage the
Coronavirus, even traveling to a
Mask factory, where he made the
Conspicuous choice not to wear a
Mask, prompting an entirely
Reasonable question the next
Day.
Mr. President, yesterday we
Went to arizona, and you had
Said before the trip that you
Would likely wear a mask at the
Mask factory.
You ended up not wearing one.
Well, I actually did have
One.
We didn't see you with a mask
On.
Well, I can't help it if you
Didn't see me.
John: what are you talking
About?
"I can't help it if you didn't
See me"?
Of course you can.
It's a photo op.
The whole point is to show them
The thing that you're supposed
To be doing.
Still, I will say this, for all
Trump's ideological wavering
Over the years, one thing has
Remained consistent: he's never
Used protection, and he's never
Not been an assh*le about it
Afterwards.
But trump's refusal to wear a
Face mask, despite the fact
That, since april 3, the cdc has
Recommended everyone wear them,
Seems especially unwise, given
That multiple white house
Staffers have now tested
Positive, which, in turn, makes
One of the music choices for
That mask factory tour even
Grimmer.
This is the material that
Traps the particulates...
♪ Live and let die ♪
♪ Live and let die ♪
John: yeah.
That was the g*ns 'n roses cover
Of the song "live and let die,"
Which is about as on the nose a
Soundtrack choice as you can get
Without playing the
Dead kennedys' "k*ll the poor."
And it's a weird choice of song
No matter what, but it's
Especially weird given that
Axl rose is no fan of this
Administration, even tweeting
The very next day, "it's
Official!
Whatever anyone may have
Previously thought of
Steve mnuchin, he's officially
An assh*le."
Which kicked off an incredible
Exchange in which mnuchin
Responded by writing, "what have
You done for your country
Lately," accompanied by the
Liberian flag, to which axl rose
Then replied, in a single
Sentence, "my bad, I didn't get
We're hoping to emulate
Liberia's economic model, but on
The real, unlike this admin, I'm
Not responsible for 70k plus
Deaths n' unlike you I don't
Hold a federal government
Position of responsibility to
The american people n' go on tv
Tellin' them to travel to the
U.s. During a pandemic."
And there are many amazing
Things about that, but most of
All, you got to respect axl's
Commitment to the "n'."
I bet he takes his coffee with
Milk n' sugar.
When he gets dressed, he likes
To put on a t-shirt n' kilt.
And I bet his favorite book is
"Harry potter n' the prisoner of
Azkaban."
Because he's a professional, and
His art is his life.
But unfortunately, trump's
Cavalier attitude seems to be
Trickling down, because some
States are now letting
Stay-at-home orders expire, even
Though many of them don't meet
The federal guidelines
Suggesting they only reopen once
Cases begin to decline.
And while that will almost
Certainly put american lives at
Risk, trump's new tactic is to
Frame that as a positive.
All people are warriors in
This country.
Right now, we're all warriors.
You're warriors, we're warriors.
You can be with somebody,
Everything is fine, and then
Something happens to that
Person, and all of a sudden, you
Test positive.
And we're all warriors together.
I am.
You are.
We all are.
John: oh, are we?
That's interesting.
Because we don't actually have
To be warriors.
And to the extent that we are,
You don't need to be throwing us
Into battle unarmed before we
Have mechanisms set up to test,
Isolate, and trace cases of the
Virus.
You can't just call everyone
"Warriors" and make their deaths
Not count.
You get the sense that, if god
Had told trump about the flood,
He wouldn't have bothered
Building the ark, he would have
Just tried to convince the
Animals they're all fish.
"We're all fish together now.
I'm a fish, you're a fish, we're
All fish."
And trump's allies are behind
Him on this call to action.
One of his favorite fox news
Hosts, pete hegseth, seen here
Showing off the carcass of an
American flag he m*rder*d, took
That idea and ran with it.
I do think you're gonna need
That kind of ethos and that
Spirit to put freedom before
Fear.
Healthy people getting out
There, they're going to have to
Have some courage.
And so I think that spirit, the
American spirit frankly is... Is
In full supply and ready to go.
John: oh, yeah, the american
Spirit is absolutely in full
Supply, if by "american spirit"
You mean "ghosts."
Because we're churning out
Ghosts like it's 1918, baby.
We are positively swimming in
Ectoplasm.
I'm telling you, if you could
Wipe your ass with ghosts, the
American people would truly want
For nothing right now.
The thing is, all this talk of
Americans being "brave warriors"
Seems designed to make us accept
Deaths that we should be trying
To prevent.
And yet this administration
Seems, at times, to be actively
Hostile to those prevention
Efforts, to the point that, on
Thursday, we learned this:
As the president urges states
To reopen, the cdc has prepared
A draft roadmap to help
Restaurants, schools, churches,
And others to do it safely.
But today, we learned
The white house has rejected
That draft.
The associated press, who was
First to report the
Administration's hold on the
Guidelines, saying a cdc
Official told them the agency's
Scientists were told the
Document would, "never see the
Light of day."
John: wow.
"Never see the light of day."
It is hard to imagine how
Draconian that is, or at least
It was before "never seeing the
Light of day" became the only
Thing on all of our schedules.
Honestly, tell me, what does the
Sun look like?
Does it have cool shades and an
Attitude, or was that just
Something that we made up in the
Past?
I sincerely can't remember.
So this is where we are now:
Our wartime president has
Decided that the only way to win
This w*r is to draft every one
Of us, hide our battle plans,
And hope that we're all brave
Enough not to notice that we've
Already surrendered.
Or, to put it more succinctly...
And to quote what seems to be
One of his favorite songs... His
Plan to steer us through this
Pandemic is for him to live
While letting a lot of us die.
And now this.
Announcer: and now,
"Vice weekly" dallas is
Steve eagar it reads your
Complaints out loud.
Millicent says she doesn't
Like seeing people wear gloves.
Mark and weatherford wants
Landlord, why is it assumed the
Landlords have no bills to pay
And are rich?
William wants somebody to wipe
Down credit card keypads.
Eric has a deep state cover.
She is sick of seeing sick
People.
People seem to be complaining to
Complain and they don't know
What is up, like this one from
Colleen, I would like to know
Why you out only show the
Negative with this virus.
You know this is a ploy to
Destroy our country from the
Inside.
Why are there so many people
Outside today?
Why don't you report about the
Flu?
I am appalled at the decision to
Allow massage parlors, we all
Know what massage parlors mean.
Animals can still get groomed.
This is a slap in the face
Demons.
Steve eagar is a sick man.
Tell him to leave viewers alone.
Don't you realize how stupid
Most of the viewing audience is?
Oh, I am aware, wendy.
John: moving on.
Our main story tonight concerns
The u.s. Postal service, the
Organization that would have
Delivered your mother's day card
For today if you hadn't
Forgotten to mail one like an
Ungrateful sack of shit.
The usps provides valuable
Services, from delivering mail
And packages to brilliantly
Ruining tiktok videos.
♪ Lil' mama a party girl ♪
♪ She just wan' have fun too ♪
♪ They say you ain't wifey type
But I don't care, I want you ♪
How you doin'?
John: that is excellent.
From the wave, to the laugh, to
The "how you doin'," every
Single part of that is great.
I want that woman to interrupt
Every tiktok video.
In fact, take this one of an
Orange cat involved an
Interspecies orgy:
♪ What? ♪
♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm ♪
John: already very good,
Right?
Exactly, hard to improve on.
But watch this:
♪ What? ♪
♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm ♪
John: yeah, it's instantly
Better.
That's a cake on a cake.
Keep crashing tiktoks, you
National f*cking treasure.
The postal service has a rich
And storied history.
It actually predates the
Founding of the country and it
Has an obligation to bring mail
To every single household, even
Transporting it to the bottom of
The grand canyon by mule.
Over the years, americans have
Relied on it for a surprisingly
Wide variety of needs.
Country children often watch
For the mailman.
Just see what has come today.
A big box with many holes in it.
The box is full of baby chicks.
Baby chicks don't have to eat or
Drink for a whole day after
They're hatched, so they can
Travel safely through the mail.
John: it's true.
You used to be able to send live
Baby chicks through the mail.
And guess what?
You still can!
The postal service will
Transport all kinds of live
Poultry for you, including
Chickens, ducks, geese, and
Turkeys.
Which raises the question, why
The f*ck would I ever send a
Greeting card again when I could
Mail someone a birthday turkey
Or a thank you duck or a
Sympathy goose?
Who wouldn't want a sympathy
Goose?
I mean, sure, your nana's dead.
But now you have a small goose!
Which is... And this is true...
Better.
But the current pandemic is
Obviously making things very
Difficult for postal workers, as
You probably know from seeing
Stories like these.
I am very worried, very
Worried, I mean, to the point
That I worry about coming to
Work every day.
I don't want to contract it,
To bring it back to my family.
Do you feel like you're at
Risk every time you go to work?
Yes.
Can't say that it's not on
The back of everybody's mind.
There is a joke amongst the
Office, are we essential or are
We sacrificial?
John: holy shit, that is a
Dark joke.
Most office humor is on the
Level of "working hard or hardly
Working?"
Or "someone's microwaving fish
Again, " not " will any of us die
Today, lmfao."
And those fears are not
Misplaced.
Over a thousand postal workers
Have tested positive for
Covid-19, and more than 40 have
Died.
But both in addition to and
Because of the ongoing pandemic,
These workers are also having to
Grapple with another existential
Threat: the postal service may
Be about to go broke.
The outgoing postmaster general
Recently asked congress for a
Total of $89 billion, and
Without financial help, the usps
May not make it past september
Without significant service
Interruptions, which is
Upsetting, especially during an
Election year, a census year,
And a pandemic that has people
Housebound.
And I know people like to
Complain about the post office,
But the truth is, it does
Very important work.
And many people really rely on
It, not just to receive
Packages, but in rural areas in
Particular, a post office can be
A community hub that brings
People together.
Just listen to this postmaster
In rural colorado tell a
Heartwarming story with a bit of
A twist.
Postmaster burger says
Neighbors who live far apart run
Into each other at the post
Office.
That's how everybody keeps in
Touch, including him.
It's provided me the
Opportunity to... To know these
People in this town more than I
Ever thought I would know.
Even to the degree where
Sometimes on my lunch hour I
Find myself helping a neighbor
Bury his dog.
John: okay.
First: what?
Second: excuse me?
And third, just to circle back:
The f*ck?
Also, you just said "sometimes"
You help bury a dog.
That's plural.
Meaning you've done it more than
Once.
And helping someone do that once
Is a courtesy, but when it
Starts becoming a regular thing,
You have to wonder why the
Neighborhood dogs keep dying and
Why you're always there.
The point is, at the worst
Possible time, this american
Institution is on the brink of
Collapse.
So tonight, we thought it might
Be worth asking why that is and
What can be done about it.
And let's start with the fact
That, despite being part of the
Federal government, the postal
Service is actually a
Self-funded entity.
It operates independently and is
Meant to pay for itself with the
Money that it makes from
Services and postage.
That might explain why, over the
Years, it's often tried to
Encourage stamp collecting with
Commercials like this:
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ What are kids stuck on? ♪
♪ On stamps! ♪
♪ They're stuck on stamps ♪
♪ It's fun to do even by
Yourself or with your crew ♪
♪ Now prehistoric animals are on
The scene ♪
♪ Stegosaurus, brontosaurus,
Look real mean! ♪
John: first, that song can
Get it.
And also, kudos on featuring all
The stamps that kids love, from
Those slammin' dino stamps to
The dank get well stamp with
Irises to my personal favorite,
The one that says "lacemaking."
And I think I speak for cool
Kids everywhere when I say
There's nothing doper than a
Totally bitchin' lace stamp.
I'm just worried it might be
Too cool.
And you may think you know why
The postal service is in so much
Trouble... That the internet and
Email mean that people just
Don't use it as much.
But that's not actually the main
Reason.
In fact, experts believe it
Would still be turning a profit
Were it not for a 2006 law
Called the postal accountability
And enhancement act.
Now, one of the things it
Required was for the usps to
Prepay health care benefits for
Retirees on a 50-year schedule,
Starting with an aggressive
Obligation to set aside over
$5 Billion a year for 10 years.
That, in itself, was a massive
Burden to put on the postal
Service, but the law also
Limited its flexibility to raise
Money by putting price caps on
Major products like first-class
Mail.
So they had massive new
Obligations to meet even as
Their income was basically
Locked in place.
In hindsight, it seems like a
Pretty clear death sentence,
Which is what makes it so
Strange that it passed largely
Unnoticed at the time and with
Bipartisan support.
And the effect was almost
Immediate, because the postal
Service went from reporting a
Net income of $900 million in
Just three years later.
And good luck selling enough
Dope-ass lace stamps to get
Yourself out of that hole.
So the truth is, the postal
Service's problems aren't
Entirely from the fact that we
Started using email or even the
In fact, it's been estimated
That the stipulations of this
One law have accounted for
Approximately 74% of their
Net losses since it passed, and
That is despite them shedding
Over 100,000 jobs.
And the fact they were so badly
Hobbled by an act of congress
Makes it a little infuriating
That some, like former fox news
Commentator john stossel, hold
It up as a sign that government
Agencies are just naturally
Bloated and incompetent.
Another myth.
Government can run the post
Office like a business.
But real businesses can't lose
Billions every year.
$16 Billion last year.
Fedex, ups, and others make
Billions because they innovate
And cut costs.
John: okay, there's a lot
Wrong with that, but he's right
That fedex is pretty good at
Innovating.
For example, you've probably
Seen the arrow hidden in the
Fedex logo, but did you know
That, for years, there used to
Be a swastika hidden in the
"D"?
Yeah, once you see it, like the
Arrow, you can't unsee it.
But they took it out because
Businesses have to innovate.
Now, what stossel is advocating
For there... And what many
Conservatives would prefer... Is
For the postal service to be
Privatized.
But there are some huge
Drawbacks to that idea.
For starters... As you may have
Noticed... Fedex and ups charge
A f*ck of a lot more to deliver
Than the postal service does.
Also, those remote addresses
That they are obligated to
Deliver to aren't just difficult
To get to, they're not
Profitable, and in all
Likelihood, companies would cut
Those routes off, meaning a lot
Of people would lose access.
And to his credit, john stossel
Fully acknowledges that,
Although he basically says in
Response, "tough shit."
The constitution says
Congress has the power to
Establish post offices.
It doesn't have to and it
Doesn't have to deliver mail to
All of america.
Who says there needs to be
Universal service?
If I live way out in the
Boondocks, I can get e-mail.
John: now, it's hard to
Decide what I like
Least about that: his dismissive
Attitude towards rural
Americans; the incorrect
Assumption that email is a
Decent substitute for the postal
Service, conveniently glossing
Over the fact that an estimated
Broadband internet; or the
Unfortunate fact that
John stossel looks like what
Would happen if someone tried to
q*eer eye geraldo rivera but it
Didn't really work.
And again, the postal service
Is a literal lifeline for many
Americans.
It reportedly delivered
Year, including close to 100% of
Prescriptions from the va.
And while you might be able to
Buy medicine online, you can't
Actually download medicine from
The internet.
To clarify, you can download
"The medicine"...
Jeremy renner's collection of
Music-like noises... From the
Internet.
But... And this is important...
You shouldn't.
And then there's the potential
Business impacts of
Privatization.
Small businesses would
Immediately be affected if
Service was reduced, like this
Rock engraving company
In rural kansas.
Fisher rock is another
Company that uses the local post
Office to ship some of their
Smaller products.
Just about every day we mail
Out something.
I hate to see them lose our post
Office in home city.
It's handy for businesses like
Myself just to run in there and
Get postage and... And... And
Mail out rocks.
John: yeah, it would be a
Real shame if that business
Couldn't mail out its rocks,
Like this one that says "real
Women heart little wieners," or
This one that says "the grass is
Greener under my wiener."
I mean, that's a perfect rock.
If the postal service stopped
Delivering gut busters like
That, it would be a f*cking
Tragedy.
Although not for me, to be
Honest, since I already bought
Mine, and I've got to say, it's
Even funnier in person.
One of the funniest things about
This is how genuinely heavy it
Is.
And it's not just small
Businesses... Companies like
Fedex and ups often hand off
Their packages to the postal
Service for the last leg of the
Delivery, especially in rural
Areas.
Amazon also contracts many of
Its deliveries out to it.
And that, weirdly enough, brings
Us to one of the biggest things
Standing in the way of the usps
Getting the federal assistance
It so badly needs, because this
Guy has strongly opposed giving
It sufficient aid, and many
Believe that's because of its
Relationship with amazon, owned,
Of course, by jeff bezos, who
Also owns "the washington post,"
Whose political coverage is
Hated by the president, who...
As we know... Makes policy
Decisions based on his
Never-ending game of six degrees
Of "how is this about me?"
Just watch him try and explain
Why the postal service shouldn't
Get federal help.
The postal service is a joke.
Because they're handing out
Packages for amazon and other
Internet companies and every
Time they bring a package, they
Lose money on it.
The post office should raise the
Price of a package by
Approximately four times.
Because they don't raise them.
For some reason... These people
Have been in there a long time.
But for some reason, they're
Very cozy with some of these
Companies, and they don't raise
The price of a package.
John: okay, first, the postal
Service is not a joke.
It delivers jokes, yes, and they
Are, as we know, hilarious, but
It's not, in itself, a joke.
"Greener under my weiner."
This is the funniest rock of all
Time.
Jesus christ!
But second, if the postal
Service quadruples prices on
Companies, those package
Delivery costs will almost
Certainly be passed on to the
Consumer, because they're
Companies, and they don't give a
Shit.
And third, it isn't cutting
Sweetheart deals to lose money
On every delivery, because in
Addition to everything else
We've already discussed, that
Usps to price parcel delivery
Below its cost.
So, in summation here, trump is
Convinced that the postal
Service's biggest problem is one
Of the few things that is not
Actually one of its problems.
And that's not just annoying,
It's worrying, especially as,
Just this week, he replaced the
Outgoing postmaster general with
This guy, louis dejoy, a major
Trump donor.
And that appointment has many
Worried many people that trump
May now be able to bend the
Postal service to his
Will, presumably meaning that by
Next year, every stamp in
America will feature one of
Jeff bezos' d*ck pics.
And the thing is, there are
Absolutely solutions that would
Enable the postal service to
Help themselves, but for all the
Reasons that we've discussed,
Their hands are tied when it
Comes to pricing on their main
Product.
Which may actually help explain
Some of their very weird side
Hustles.
For instance, you can go on
Their site and buy this costume
For your dog, which is a great
Way to make your dog look like
It's performing a postal-themed
Rendition of "d*ck in a box."
Also, a few years back, they
Entered into a bizarre
Partnership with
Forever 21 to unveil a postal
Service-themed fashion line.
Although, as this youtuber will
Tell you, there were a few
Issues with their garments:
Oh, my gosh.
Why... Why is any of this
Happening?
It's like, yes, I am a priority.
My boobs are the priority.
Overall I'm gonna give it
A 3.5 out of 10.
John: yeah, when you're
Wearing nothing but the word
"Priority" stretched over your
Chest, it's weird to realize the
Answer to the question "why is
Any of this happening?" Is, at
Least in part, "the postal
Accountability and enhancement
Act of 2006."
But look, branching out into
Fashion clearly won't save the
Postal service.
That is why it's so important
That they're given more
Flexibility, not just on
Pricing, but also on the types
Of services they can offer.
Now, experts suggest post
Offices could expand their
Services to issue things like
Hunting and fishing licenses.
And perhaps the best option is
Something called postal banking,
Where the post office doesn't so
Much act as a bank as provide
Some very basic financial
Services, like savings accounts
And check cashing.
That wouldn't just generate
Revenue... It could also help
The estimated 25% of people
In this country living in
Unbanked or underbanked
Communities who are
Otherwise often forced to turn
To alternative financial
Services like payday lenders,
Which can charge up to 400% in
Fees and interest.
And this wouldn't be completely
Out of their lane.
Not only do they already provide
Some services, like selling
Money orders, money transfers,
And prepaid cards, but up until
The 1960s, they were already
Doing it:
Though 90% of its income is
Derived from the sale of stamps,
The post office is also the
Largest savings bank in the
Country and the largest agency
For the transfer of money.
It takes in more than
$1.5 billion annually.
John: you know, it's
Depressing that the weirdest
Thing about watching old-timey
Clips now isn't that they're in
Black and white or that people
Are wearing hats, it's that
Everyone is standing next to
Each other in a public place
With no fear of dying.
Honestly, at this point, I have
Such severe quarantine brain
I could wake up in the
Jurassic period and my first
Thought would be "holy shit,
Those stegosauruses are standing
Way too close together.
But postal banking is clearly
More of a long-term solution...
It won't get the usps out of its
Current mess.
What they badly need is an
Infusion of funding as soon as
Possible, and not only should we
Be demanding they get that,
Congress should also take a look
At undoing some of the more
Onerous terms in that 2006 law.
And until then, there might
Actually be something small we
Can do here, because the
Purchase of stamps is still a
Key revenue generator for them.
And you can actually get stamps
Made.
Tv shows have done this in
The past.
"American idol" sold stamps, and
"Veep" and "full frontal"
Recently did giveaways.
And while it will not come close
To raising the $90 billion the
Postal service badly needs,
We've actually been working with
Stamps.com for weeks to not
Just do a giveaway, but to
Produce a run of stamps that are
Available for you to buy right
Now.
If you go to
Stamps.com/laststamptonight, you
Can find postage featuring
Chiijohn, a bolivian zebra,
Mr. Nutterbutter, and our
Personal favorite,
"And now, a stamp."
You can buy sheets of these for
The next month, and I'd
Really encourage you to do that.
They're the perfect way to mail
A card that supports the usps
In its time of need while
Also saying "I like
'Last week tonight' and I'm
Sorry I forgot mother's day."
Which you did, you piece of
Shit.
If you liked this segment,
Please buy a stamp and support
The postal service.
If you hated it, buy one anyway
And mail me a letter about how
Much I suck.
It's all the same to them.
You'd be doing a really nice
Thing.
That's our show, thanks so much
For watching, we'll see you next
Week, good night!
It's you!
I know you!
You are very good at
Interrupting things.
07x11 - United States Postal Service and Postal Accountability and Enhancement Act of 2006
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American late-night talk and news satire television program hosted by comedian John Oliver.
American late-night talk and news satire television program hosted by comedian John Oliver.