Hi there!
Welcome to the show!
Still coming to you from this
white void, which, I admit,
looks like the inside of
a ghost's spooky rectum.
And it's been a busy week, with
the two presidential campaigns
making their final arguments,
and Jared kushner... Harvard's
shiniest mistake... deciding to
make this last-ditch appeal to
black voters.
One thing we've seen in a lot
of the black community,
which is mostly democrat, is
that President Trump's policies
are the policies that can help
people break out of the problems
that they're complaining about,
but he can't want them to be
successful more than they want
to be successful.
Well, f*ck you, Jared.
I guess we should all be
applauding you for wanting
to be born to a billionaire
real-estate developer, then
wanting your father to pledge
$2.5 million dollars to Harvard
not long before you were
admitted, and then for wanting
to marry the daughter of the
world's most successful liar.
If only more black fetuses had
your ambition and drive, maybe
they'd be as successful as you.
But look, the fact is, the
election is just two days away.
And because of that, our show
tonight is going to be a bit
different.
Because instead of having just
one main story, we're actually
going to have two, each focusing
on a different aspect of
the trump presidency.
It's the "home alone 2" of.
As it's amplified the
dangers of air travel, lots of
it took place in New York, and
right in the middle, for no good
reason, is Donald f*cking trump.
And I know that the fact we're
about to talk about this at all,
would make trump roll his eyes.
That's all I hear about now.
Turn on television, "covid,
covid, covid, covid, covid."
A plane goes down, 500 people
dead, they don't talk about it.
"Covid, covid, covid, covid."
By the way, on November 4th,
you won't hear about it anymore.
Covid!
Covid!
Believe me, I'd love
nothing more than to not talk
about covid, and instead return
to subjects we'd normally
cover on this show, like
scented candle fraud or alpaca
veterinarian malpractice.
Unfortunately, I can't do that
when so many Americans are still
dying of "covid, covid"
every day.
For many, trump's handling of
the coronavirus is going to be
a significant factor in how they
vote, and to listen to him,
that's really not a problem.
He's labeled his handling of
the pandemic as "tremendous,"
"a-plus," and said "nothing
more could have been done."
Which is obviously ridiculous,
as america has just 4% of
the global population, and yet,
about 20% of global cases.
And if you're thinking, "oh,
come on... who doesn't know
trump f*cked up this pandemic?,"
the truth is, a lot of voters
are more than willing to give
him the benefit of the doubt.
How do you feel president
trump has done in handling
the pandemic?
The best he can for something
that's so somewhat unknown.
I think he's probably doing
the best he can right now.
I mean, there is so much mixed
information out there and trying
to decipher what's fact and
what's fiction.
The pandemic?
Not his fault.
And everything that's gone along
with it?
Not his fault.
He's doing the best he can.
Is he?
I guess that depends... do you
mean he's doing the best that
any president can, or the best
that he can?
Because if it's the second one,
you might actually be right.
We should probably all
be grateful he hasn't tried
bottling his urine and selling
it as trump immunity juice.
And look, all presidents,
whoever they are, tend to
face a defining crisis.
And this was unquestionably
trump's.
But his response been such a
disaster that there are massive
fuckups you may've already
forgotten.
Remember that time he suggested
we should leave American
citizens on a cruise ship
ravaged with coronavirus,
because they'd increase
the number of positive cases in
the country, and he liked the
numbers being where they are?
That was insane, right?
And we covered that on the show.
In fact, we've talked about
coronavirus a lot on the show
this year.
But we still thought that
tonight, especially if you, or
someone you know, also thinks
"nothing more could have been
"done," it would be worth taking
a look at three crucial areas
where more could very much have
been done.
Preparation,
coordination, and communication.
And let's start with
preparation.
Because it is worth noting,
previous presidents had been
aware of a threat like this
for years.
George w. Bush demanded the
government develop a pandemic
response plan all the way back
in 2005, and Obama created a
pandemic preparedness team,
and gave a speech in December of
There may and likely will
come a time in which we have
both an airborne disease
that is deadly.
And in order for us to deal with
that effectively, we have to put
in place an infrastructure...
Not just here at home, but
globally... that allows us to
see it quickly, isolate it
quickly, respond to it quickly.
So that if and when a new strain
of flu, like the Spanish flu,
crops up five years from now or
a decade from now, we've made
the investment.
Wow.
Those are some shockingly
specific predictions.
What else did he say there?
"In exactly five years, the
warriors are gonna blow a 3-1
lead to the cavs, and LeBron's
gonna have a chase down block
that makes your soul jump
out of your body.
Also, kumail nanjiani's gonna
get really jacked in a way that
you don't know quite how to feel
about.
So previous presidents were well
aware something like this could
happen.
And yet, in the years before
this outbreak, trump's
administration not only
disbanded Obama's pandemic team,
they also cut CDC staff
operating within China by more
than two-thirds, and ended a
pandemic early warning program.
And even once the pandemic had
begun, trump took an appallingly
long time to take it seriously.
He'll often complain... not
wrongly... that China took too
long to be forthright with us
about the virus.
But what he doesn't mention is
that once we found out about it,
we acted unforgivably slowly.
The first public reports of what
was happening in Wuhan came on
December 31st.
And yet, Alex azar, trump's
secretary of health and human
services, couldn't get a meeting
with trump to talk about it
until January 18.
And even when he did, trump
apparently interrupted him
to ask when flavored vaping
products would be back
on the market.
Which, y'know...
Cool.
Then, trump continually implied
that the virus would simply go
away... despite learning on
February 26 that there was
community spread in the u.S.
Something we might've known
sooner, had we also not lost
a month due to flaws in our
testing process that we were
extremely slow to fix.
And yet, despite all this, trump
loves to claim that it doesn't
matter what he didn't do... what
really matters is this.
This country is very lucky
and I'm very lucky that I put
the ban on China.
I swiftly implemented a travel
ban on China.
I put in the ban on China.
I did the China ban.
We put that ban on.
When I put a ban on.
You have to remember, I put
the ban on China.
Banned travel from China.
We put the ban on China.
I put a ban on China.
Ban on China.
Yeah, to listen to
trump tell it, he banned travel
from China, and job done.
So if you've lost a loved one
to this virus, I've got some
great news... you didn't!
They're completely fine!
They've just been busy
jet-setting all across
the world, enjoying live
performances with thousands of
their closest friends, because
trump put the ban on China,
and we're all very lucky he did.
But a few things about that.
Because while he did indeed
impose some travel restrictions
on China, they took effect on
February 2nd... that's two weeks
after the first known case in
the u.S., and also, after 45
other countries had already
done so.
And this "ban" had some major
exceptions... including allowing
u.s. Citizens, residents, and
their immediate family members
to still come into the country
from China... meaning an
additional 40,000 people came
in from there during the first
two months that his ban was
in place.
Also, we now know the virus came
to the New York City area not
from China, but predominantly
via Europe... and yet, it took
trump an additional six weeks
to place any restrictions on
travelers from there.
And when he finally did that,
it came in a chaotic oval office
speech where he falsely made it
sound like some Americans
wouldn't be allowed back
into the country.
Which had predictable
consequences.
Confusion leading to chaos
at u.S. Airports under
the administration's
European travel ban.
Lines stretching for hours in.
New York, Dallas, and Chicago's
O'Hare.
Yeah, those images
don't get any easier to look at.
People panicked by trump's
announcement rushed into
airports that were not
adequately prepared to safely
process them, with some
passengers reporting there was
no hand sanitizer available,
and having to share pens to fill
out immigration forms.
And this was before most of us
knew we shouldn't be sharing
anything with anyone.
Which, incidentally, is still
true despite what this coke
bottle tells you.
Do not share that coke with
grandma.
Get her her own, and have it
delivered by someone in
a Hazmat suit.
Happy ninetieth, gammy.
Try to stay safe!
So trump's travel ban wasn't
a ban, wasn't early, and didn't
do what he said it did.
But even if he had rolled it out
perfectly, experts will tell
you, if you decide to use travel
restrictions, they have to be
part of a comprehensive plan.
Because the best they can do is
delay a pandemic, not prevent
it.
All they'll do is buy you
a little bit of time,
which is useless if you don't
then use it wisely.
Which brings us to our second
point, coordination.
And I shouldn't have to remind
you just how badly this
administration coordinated
crucial supplies, like ppe.
Some medical professionals
resorted to making their own,
using ski goggles, snorkel
masks, and garbage bags.
And yet, the white house denies
mishandling anything.
The rnc even featured this video
touting the heroism of frontline
workers, including a clip of him
talking to a nurse practitioner
in the oval office, but if you
find the raw footage of that
clip, you will see the
conversation they're having
is pretty revealing.
Ppe has been sporadic, but
it's been manageable and we do
what we have to do.
Sporadic for you, but not
sporadic for a lot of other
people.
Oh, no, I agree,
Mr. President.
Because I've heard the
opposite.
I heard that they are loaded up
with, with gowns now and...
You know, initially, we had
nothing.
We had empty cupboards.
We had empty shelves.
We had nothing because it wasn't
put there by the last
administration.
"Sporadic
for you, not sporadic for other
"people" is the literal
definition of sporadic.
His complaint that
he had empty cupboards and
shelves is slightly undercut by
the fact he'd been president
for three years when that
conversation took place.
If you move into a new apartment
and three years later, there's
still nothing in the cupboards,
you don't get to blame
the previous tenant
when you're hungry.
Go buy some f*cking food.
And it's not like the
administration wasn't warned.
Take Mike Bowen, a top executive
at a ppe production company.
For years, he's been sounding
the alarm that most of
the u.S. Mask supply now comes
from abroad.
And in January, seeing what was
coming our way, he emailed
everyone he could think of in
the government, offering a clear
plan to ramp up production.
I voted for Donald Trump.
I thought, you know, if I
contact enough people in the
administration, somebody, one of
these people are going to look
at this and go, "hey, this is
the problem.
Maybe we ought to call this
guy."
And no, I couldn't get any... I
didn't get any response there.
Now, in hindsight,
would warning Donald Trump have
done anything?
You'd get into the oval office
and go, "sir, a quarter million
Americans are gonna die!"
And he'd say, "like, me die?
Or just, like, random people?"
And you'd go, "well",
"Herman Cain," and he'd say,
"hmm, not really seeing the
"problem here," and you'd say
"it might cost you the election"
and he'd say, "but I'll still
have my fans and rallies,
right?"
And you'd say, "of course",
they'll never abandon you even
if you're actively k*lling
them, " and he'd go, " okay, not
seeing what the warning's about
here, please leave, it's time
"for me to watch my shows."
Bowen couldn't have been more
explicit about what needed to
happen.
He told government contacts that
placing large, non-cancelable
orders would allow him to ramp
up production immediately,
which was important because...
And I quote... I think we're
in "deep shit."
But the administration dawdled,
and Bowen later testified before
congress about what that delay
meant.
I'm getting 500 to 1,000
emails a day.
I'm getting emails from people,
not businesses.
And I am getting emails from
moms.
I'm getting emails from
old people.
"Please, send me masks,"
you make a product that can
protect people.
I can't help these... I can't
help all these people.
Yeah, that must have
been incredibly frustrating.
Because he offered
the administration a clear way
to at least mitigate the damage,
and they didn't move fast enough
and decisions like that meant
that suddenly... and entirely
avoidably... we had to scramble
for essential equipment at the
same time as almost everyone
else on earth.
And for all trump's supposed
expertise as a businessman,
his administration's approach to
managing the supply chain
was a total shambles.
At first, trump encouraged
states to "get it themselves"...
Pitting them against each other
and essentially starting a
bidding w*r.
And later, Jared f*cking kushner
was made the white house lead
for something called
"the supply chain task force."
At one point, it tried to
coordinate things directly,
with Jared pulling in a group of
mostly young, untrained
volunteers to help vet leads
on ppe.
Here's one of them, describing
what happened after an initial
pep talk about the importance of
tracking down equipment.
Everyone stood up and filed
into different offices, and I
remember the only people left
were the volunteers.
We thought we would be
auxiliary support for an
existing procurement team that
just needed to be expanded as
quickly as possible, and we
would do data entry for
contracts.
And instead, we were the team.
I think when people imagined
the federal government response
in the w*r room, they thought it
would be this big, you know,
energized group of experts,
not ten 20-year-old volunteers.
That really does not
sound good.
And I'm not saying young people
are all dumb idiots.
Mozart composed a minuet at age
six.
This guy created the downfall of
society at age 19.
You'd just hope that everyone
on the federal task force would
have resource-management
experience that goes beyond
"I played "settlers of catan"
at my friend Topher's one night,
"and I actually did pretty well."
And the thing is, one of the
best ways not to run short on
ppe is to not have mass
community spread.
And one of the best ways to
achieve that is by promoting
strong public-health guidelines.
Which brings us to our
final point, communication.
Because trump has repeatedly
undermined public messaging,
from the very start, despite
the fact that... as we now know
he knew extremely early on
just how bad things could get.
You just breathe the air and
that's how it's passed.
And so that's a very tricky one.
That's a very delicate one.
It's also more deadly than your,
you know, your... even your
strenuous flus.
That's what he said
privately, but in public later
that month, he was still
downplaying the severity and
spread of the virus.
This is a flu.
This is like a flu.
Yeah.
Trump just lied,
which I know at this point
isn't something I should have to
say, it seems like the kind of
thing we all already know, like
"puppies are good" and "geppetto
definitely built Pinocchio for
"weird sex stuff."
That really shouldn't
be a surprise.
If you lived next
door to a bachelor who was aged
somewhere between 70 and 1,000,
whose only friend was a fish,
whose house was full of
not-for-sale, handmade clocks
going off at different times and
one day he said "good news, this"
little wooden boy is Pinocchio,
"he is my son," you'd have.
One...
He's f*ckin' that puppet,
and two... we have to move.
The guy whose house sounds like
a b*mb built himself a son.
We have to move.
No judgment.
He fucks that puppet,
it's not a crime.
There's no law written down
anywhere that says geppetto's
not allowed to f*ck a puppet
he made while his fish watches.
I'm not calling the cops.
I'm just saying I'm moving away
from geppetto.
And yet, even as it became clear
to everyone that this was very
much more than the flu,
trump constantly undermined
his own administration's advice.
On April 3rd, the CDC finally
advised that the public
wear masks.
But trump immediately undercut
it in the very press conference
that news was announced.
The CDC is advising the use
of non-medical cloth face
covering as an additional
voluntary public health
measure.
So it's voluntary; You don't
have to do it.
They suggested for a period of
time.
But this is voluntary.
I don't think I'm going to be
doing it.
And just like that,
wearing a mask was a political
issue.
Trump himself didn't wear a mask
in public until July, which is
obviously dangerous.
You can't effectively convince
people to do something while
refusing to do it yourself.
It's why soulcycle instructors
are on a bike like everyone
else, instead of just yelling
"pedal faster!"
While lounging on a bean bag and
eating a bucket of hot wings.
It's about setting a good
example.
And the thing is,
Americans were listening to him.
Listen to these people
just a few weeks later.
It's just like the flu,
right?
Well, it's not just
like the flu.
It's far more contagious.
I mean, well, I know, but
people die from the flu also.
And far more deadly.
They do die from the flu.
So to me, that's just the way
I look at it.
I mean, if he's not
wearing a mask,
I'm not gonna wear a mask.
If he's not worried,
I'm not worried.
The president?
Yes, sir.
Okay.
I understand that impulse, but
"if he's not worried, I'm not
"worried," is a weird thing to
say when he is the president,
surrounded by 24/7 security and
a team of doctors, and you are
not even surrounded by a shirt.
It's been genuinely remarkable
just how consistently trump has
undercut public-health
messaging.
Over a decade ago, the CDC
actually developed guidelines
for how leaders should
communicate during a crisis.
Be first.
Be right.
Be credible.
Express empathy.
Promote action.
And show respect.
And I'm not saying the CDC
has been perfect during this
pandemic, but trump did the
precise opposite of every single
one of those.
And on the empathy one... which
should be the hardest to do
badly, he's been borderline
sociopathic.
Because think about what medical
professionals have had to go
through at this year,
especially at the start of this
crisis.
In New York, hospitals had giant
refrigerated trucks that served
as makeshift morgues, and there
were mass graves dug on
hart island, even as hospital
workers broke down in video
testimonials.
It was utterly brutal.
And with that in mind, let's go
back to that oval-office meeting
trump had with nurses...
You know,
the one they used in the rnc
video.
Just watch trump respond to
someone citing concerns about
what his colleagues were going
through.
And if I may add, one big
concern that I have is the
post-traumatic trauma that a lot
of the nurses and doctors and
other members of the healthcare
team will be facing in the
future.
You know, they're seeing
death...
A lot.
A lot.
Probably three or four times
the average than what they
normally would.
Yeah.
It's a lot of death.
Yes.
Yes, sir.
There's no question about it.
And, by the way, while we're
at it, you can pass these pens
around, okay?
You can pass them around.
Here you go.
I got some for the other side.
We don't want to forget them,
Marty.
I know, after
four years, it is hard for
anything trump does to shock
you anymore.
But it is worth making sure that
that still does.
That man was in the middle of
talking about his peers' PTSD
and the president cut him off
so he could offer everyone pens.
Pens.
He wasn't even listening, he was
just sitting there waiting for
his turn to speak so he could do
his pen thing.
Is there anything more grim than
that?
I mean, I guess he could have
not offered them pens.
But would that have been worse?
Better?
It's honestly difficult to say.
It's even more difficult to
write a joke off of.
"Oh, trump must be great for you
comedians, right?"
Yeah, not really!
This has been a f*cking
nightmare!
And all of this... the lack of
preparation, coordination, and
communication... has had
real-world effects.
And I know trump badly wants
everyone to believe that nothing
more could have been done.
But that's just not true.
Other countries have done more
and suffered less.
We have four times more people
than Germany, but 17 times
the covid cases.
And we have three and a half
times more people than Vietnam,
but 7500 times the covid cases.
This wasn't inevitable.
And look, I shouldn't have to
take 20 minutes to tell you that
trump mismanaged the pandemic.
In a lot of ways, the answer to
the question, "has trump done a
good job handling this pandemic"
is "well, he got the disease,
so, y'know..."
And the thing is, there are
so many more terrible moments
we haven't had time to cover.
From using this r*cist term
multiple times, to never once
releasing a comprehensive
federal strategy for fighting
covid, to removing a watchdog
overseeing $2 trillion in covid
relief, to saying he asked his
people to slow down testing...
Which his people then tried
to pass off as him kidding,
to which he responded,
"I don't kid," to baselessly
claiming that doctors are
inflating coronavirus
death counts for money,
to suggesting sunlight and
ingesting disinfectants could
help cure the virus,
to repeatedly undermining
the nation's top infectious
disease expert.
At one point, he retweeted
"fire fauci," and got so openly
jealous of him that when fauci
was invited to throw the opening
pitch at a nationals game,
trump announced he'd be doing
the same for the Yankees,
surprising them, since they'd
not actually invited him.
And look, if biden is elected,
it's not like he's going to
magically end this pandemic,
but he'll at least take it
seriously.
And it's pretty bleak that
that alone sounds good,
but it really does.
Because at this point,
trump is clearly bored of
hearing about covid,
and I am sorry about that.
But you know what's been
completely exhausting
for the rest of us?
Worrying about it all the time.
For what it's worth, multiple
members of our staff were sick
earlier this year, and it was
heart-wrenching being constantly
concerned about their health.
And that concern hasn't gone
away.
There are long-term and
devastating effects for many
who have recovered that we still
don't fully understand.
People who are sick and dying
can't see their families.
And cases are now spiking to
record highs all over the
country.
This virus has taken so much
from us.
Our peace of mind, our routines,
and nearly a quarter of
a million Americans.
And it's frankly pathetic that
in response, the only things
trump has offered people in this
country over the past eight
months are damaging lies,
staggering incompetence,
and occasionally... when he's
feeling generous... some shitty
f*cking pens.
And now, this.
And now...
Our annual look at what
happens when local news and
Halloween collide.
The best way to spread the
studio 10 cheer is by going as
elf for Halloween this year!
Nailed it!
Happy Halloween, y'all!
Happy Halloween.
I am dad.
We are a formal apology.
We are a formal apology.
I am a cactus.
I am a hand sanitizer.
Who's uncle Sam?
Me.
Carole baskin here.
Oh, no, my babies.
She is going to keep us
in check nationwide.
Looking good.
There you go, Phoenix.
How's your 'stache?
Did you grow that from
yesterday?
Overnight.
How is the jalapeno?
Amazing.
Stick on.
Welcome, welcome, welcome to
"last week today," I am
John Oliver.
Stamps.
Moving on.
Our first story was
about how trump handles
a crisis, what he does when
the world throws him a
curveball.
But our second one is going to
be about how this administration
governs on a day-to-day basis,
and importantly, how it could
govern if given a second term.
Because I'd now like to talk
about William barr, trump's.
Attorney General, and
constipated charmin bear.
And let's immediately answer the
question that's undoubtedly top.
"Do you have a
clip of him playing the
bagpipes?"
Well, relax.
The answer is yes.
You're welcome.
Now, does that tell us anything
about barr, aside from the fact
that he's the kind of guy who,
given the option to learn
literally any musical
instrument, actively chose the
bagpipes, which is basically a
noisy sex doll for octupses?
No, it didn't.
Did we have to show you anyway?
Absolutely.
Because any time we have footage
of the subject of one of our
stories playing the bagpipes,
we will show you a clip of that
happening.
That's not just a promise;
It's a bagpipe promise.
Exactly.
Now, since becoming a.G.,
barr has been in the news
constantly, and almost never
for good reasons.
In just the past few months,
he has, among other things,
sown distrust in mail-in voting,
and also dismissed public-health
measures in the middle of a
pandemic in the grossest
possible way.
You know, putting a national
lockdown, stay at home orders is
like house arrest.
It's... you know, other than
sl*very, which was a different
kind of restraint, this is the
greatest intrusion on civil
liberties in American history.
Now I know that's
ridiculous for, let's say,
a hundred different reasons,
but do spare a thought for his
description of sl*very as
"a different kind of restraint."
That phrase is doing a lot of
heavy lifting there, much like
slaves did when... and this is
true... they were literal
slaves.
And what is particularly
striking about barr's extreme
behavior over the last year and
a half is that, when trump
first nominated him, the news
was basically greeted with
relief.
Barr will be seen as
a relatively noncontroversial
choice, an establishment
choice.
William barr is sort of an
old establishment hand.
He's an institutionalist.
He's a grown up.
He's an adult,
he's a grown up.
This is someone who is an
adult in the room.
I think someone like
bill barr, who has experience,
seems like he would be a better
adult in the room for us.
"Adult in the room?"
Look, not only is "being an"
"adult" an absurdly low bar to
set for the highest levels of
government, but it also implies
that the main problem with trump
is that he is childish.
And I know that it makes for
a fun balloon now and again,
but at its core, "I wish"
that white nationalist with
an authoritarian streak would
"act his age" is sort of missing
the point here.
But you can kind of see why
people were so willing to
embrace barr.
He had previously served as.
Attorney General under
George h.W. Bush, so he at least
knew what the job involved.
And his two immediate
predecessors as trump's a.G.
Were the r*cist goblin formerly
known as Jeff sessions, and
then, for a few crazy months,
Matthew Whitaker, a man who was
once embroiled in a scandal over
a patent company he was involved
in, whose clients included the
inventor of a "masculine toilet"
for the "well-endowed."
So yeah, by that standard,
barr was the adult in the room.
But it's worth remembering,
some adults are assholes.
And barr is one of them,
but he's very much more.
He's a driven, deeply moralistic
man with extreme views
on executive power,
actually making him one of
the more dangerous figures
in the trump administration,
which I know is saying
something.
But if trump gets a second term,
barr is only going to be more
dangerous going forward.
So tonight, let's talk about
bill barr.
And let's start with the fact
that, from a very early age,
he was simply a nightmare.
Here is his old boss, at barr's
swearing-in, sharing a fun
anecdote from his childhood.
The newspapers report
bill barr was giving eisenhower
for president speeches when he
was in kindergarten.
And his parents passed along
the word that young bill was
discoursing about separation of
powers before he gave up his
pacifier.
What a weird thing to
share on someone's first day in
a new job.
"Hey, everyone, please welcome
bill... he's from New York,
and fun fact, as a child,
he was a little narc
who devoted himself to an
unhealthy worship of authority
instead of cultivating any
meaningful relationships.
We're so glad to have him on
"board."
Veneration of authority has been
a consistent throughline of
barr's life.
At Columbia university in the
anti-w*r '60s, he stood out for
being incredibly
pro-law-enforcement... so much
so, that he brought police
coffee as they encountered
protesters, and once got into
a fistfight with students who
were demonstrating on campus,
a story he told "the New York"
times " while " letting out a big
laugh."
And that is just sad.
You're supposed to tell your
grandkids fun, inspiring college
stories about how you burnt your
draft card or went streaking
across campus, but barr's wild
tales seem to be more like,
"one time, I licked the boot of
the state so hard, I was
shittin' aglets for a week.
"Best four years of my life."
So it's frankly not surprising
that, at just age 41, after
quickly climbing the ranks at
the d.O.J., barr was picked as
bush's a.G., and immediately
made a name for himself
as an absolute hard-liner on
immigration, signing off on a
mass-surveillance program,
and having a view of criminal
justice perhaps best summed up
by a memo his d.O.J. Produced
titled, "the case for more
incarceration."
So he presented himself
as a strong proponent of
law and order.
Don't do the crime, if you can't
do the time, if bill barr has
anything to say about it.
Although interestingly, that
philosophy had some exceptions
when it came to his own bosses.
"New York times" columnist
William safire, a conservative
republican, often referred to
barr then not as.
Attorney General, but as
the "cover-up general,"
suggesting he covered
up bush's role in Iraq-gate,
burying the investigation of
how the bush administration
allegedly helped finance
S*ddam Hussein's weapons.
Yeah.
That was a major scandal
at the time, and yet, barr
refused congress's request to
appoint an independent counsel.
And not just that... he also
supported the pardon of six
defendants in the Iran contra
scandal.
So his "cover-up general"
nickname is really pretty fair,
in that it takes something he is.
Attorney General... and adds
an apt descriptor.
The same way Steve mnuchin's
nickname is secretary sprinkler.
Why?
Because he's secretary of
treasury, and he makes things
wet.
Not a dry seat in the house when
the ole' squirt locker opens his
hot little mouth.
You see it, right?
Everyone definitely sees it.
And it's not just that barr was
forgiving of past presidential
excesses.
He also worked to expand
executive power, from advising
bush that he had the legal
authority to wage w*r against
Iraq without congress' consent,
to writing a legal opinion that
said the FBI could seize a
suspect abroad and return them
to the u.S. Without first
obtaining the foreign state's
consent.
And who'd have thought that just
to work for a man who shared
his exact views on consent?
And at this point, it's probably
worth pausing for a moment to
talk about the basis for a lot
of barr's actions.
Because he is a fervent believer
in something known as the
unitary executive theory,
although he wouldn't like me
even bringing this up.
One of the more amusing
aspects of modern progressive
polemic is their breathless
att*cks on the "unitary
executive theory."
Ahh!
What are you doing?
He not only belittled an
extremely reasonable legal
concern, he topped it off
with the "ahhh!" Of a creepy
uncle trying to interact with
his baby niece who, even though
she's pre-verbal, already knows
this guy is bad news.
But the reason people
breathlessly attack barr's
embrace of the unitary executive
theory is that it takes a lot of
breath to explain just how wrong
and dangerous it is.
Very basically, the theory holds
that the president has
virtually complete and
total executive power,
and some go further,
arguing that the mainstream
understanding of the separation
of power... that the three
coequal branches of government
check and balance each other...
Is wrong.
And instead, that each branch
has near-total authority over
its own domain.
But barr goes even further than
that, once arguing that the only
checks on the president should
be through the election process
or the impeachment process, and
that is it, which is pretty
startling, because that
interpretation gives the
president an enormous amount of
leeway.
Although, as barr tells it,
George h.W. Bush was a little
more hesitant, telling him,
"I don't want you stretching,
I think the way to advance
executive power is to wait and
see, move gradually."
So barr didn't really get
a chance to fully test his
belief that the president
answers to absolutely nobody,
until, that is, this guy moved
into the white house.
And pretty soon, barr seemed
eager to get back into the game.
In June 2018, he sent the d.O.J.
An unsolicited memo criticizing
the Mueller investigation, which
is basically a lawyer's version
of sliding into trump's dms.
And in it, barr argued that.
Mueller's core premise... that
the president acts "corruptly"
if he attempts to influence
a proceeding in which his own
conduct is being scrutinized...
Is untenable, because it would
violate article ii of
the constitution, which places
no limits on the president's
authority to interfere
with matters that concern
his own conduct.
Now that is an extreme
interpretation of the law with
potentially massive
implications, and yet, in his
confirmation hearings, barr went
to great lengths to make it seem
palatable.
At one point, he employed
one of his signature moves:
Using boring but smart-sounding
legalese to cover up a batshit
proposition.
He even lectured the panel about
what the word "corruptly"
actually means.
What it means is, using in
the 19th century sense, it meant
to influence in... in a way that
changes something that's good
and fit to something that's bad
and unfit... namely, the
corruption of evidence or the
corruption of a decision maker.
That's what the word "corruptly"
means, because once you
dissociate it from that,
it really means... very hard
to discern what it means.
It means bad.
What does "bad" mean?
Uh, bad.
It means bad.
Babies and dogs know that.
But that is almost an impressive
amount of pseudo-intellectual
nonsense.
I kind of wanted him to keep
going.
"What does "bad" mean?
What does any word mean?
Is speech itself not merely
a collection of sounds, and
in that sense, specifically
the 12th century sense, isn't
"bad" simply a noise to which
we have ascribed meaning?
"Bad" is a human construct,
but from a purely objective
standpoint, it has no more
meaning than the sound
"plorfbor" or "glopnum."
It's a vocal noise and nothing
more.
Anyway, that is why I think
the president should be allowed
"to be a tyrant."
And the thing is, if you strip
all of that rhetorical bluster
away, the argument you're
basically left with is this.
Article ii allows me to do
whatever I want.
It's a thing called
article ii.
Nobody ever mentions
article ii.
Then I have an article ii,
where I have the right to do
whatever I want as president,
but I don't even talk about
that.
That's right.
He has the right to do whatever
he wants, but he doesn't even
talk about it.
Which you have to admit
is pretty cool of him.
It's what leadership is all
about.
As Teddy Roosevelt once said,
"carry a big stick and speak
loudly about how softly you
speak about what a big stick
you're carrying."
And while trump has been
grumbling lately that barr
should've done more to punish
comes to playing defense for
trump, barr has been relentless.
He famously provided an
exculpatory summary of Mueller's
report weeks before making it
publicly available.
And since then, his d.O.J. Has
suggested a lighter sentence for
Roger stone, is trying to drop
the charges against
Michael Flynn... who, remember,
had pled guilty... removed an
attorney from office who was
investigating trump's
associates, sued John Bolton to
try and stop the release of his
book, and at one point, tried to
have the u.S. Government replace
trump as the defendant in
a defamation suit arising from
trump's statement that a woman
who had accused him of r*pe was
"not my type."
All of which is definitely what
the founders had in mind when
they drafted article ii.
So you can see why some have
argued that barr is trump's
dream a.G.
But more interestingly,
trump may also be barr's dream
president, someone who is
the ideal vessel for barr's
decades-long pursuit of
a unitary executive.
And not just that... because
trump may also give barr
a chance to push his
uncompromising moral vision
onto the rest of the country.
And it is uncompromising.
Barr blames what he sees as
society's ills on moral decay.
He once said, in an attack on
the liberalism of the '60s,
"we see around us the grim
harvest of the permissive.
Broken homes,
fatherless children,
widespread drug addiction,
teenage pregnancy, over a
million abortions a year,
"crack babies, and drug wars."
And time has not moderated his
views, especially when it comes
to criminal justice.
When protests erupted
this summer in the wake of
George Floyd's m*rder,
he repeatedly said that
systemic racism in
police departments
does not exist.
And late last year, seemed to
thr*aten communities who even
dared to protest against
the police.
They have to start showing,
more than they do, the respect
and support that law enforcement
deserves.
And if communities don't give
that support and respect, they
might find themselves without
the police protection they
need.
Yeah, that's not how it
should work, bill.
A community shouldn't earn
protection by respecting
the police.
Police should earn respect by
protecting the community.
Because one, they work for us.
And two, they work for us!
At his core, barr is clearly
the same kid who took so much
joy in beating up protestors at
Columbia, only now he has the
force of the federal government
at his disposal.
And he has been willing to
use it.
Police forcibly removing
demonstrators Monday to clear a
path for President Trump to walk
to Saint John's church, damaged
by arson, for a photo op that
sparked outrage.
The a.G. Was there, too, and
the trump administration says
he gave the order to increase
the secure perimeter around
the white house.
But now barr says it was not his
call to use aggressive measures.
"I'm not involved in giving
tactical commands like that,"
he told the associated press.
Adding, his attitude was,
"get it done," but he didn't
say, "go do it."
Okay, that is clearly
unbelievably weaselly,
but I will say, I'm glad that
someone finally found the
perfect words to describe
the role I believe the queen
played in Diana's death.
Maybe she didn't say "go do it,"
but her attitude was definitely
"get it done."
But regardless of whether that
operation was a result of barr's
direct orders or just his
general attitude, he made his
support for it afterwards very
clear.
Here's what the media is
missing.
This was not an operation
to respond to that particular
crowd.
It was an operation to
move the perimeter one block.
And the methods they used,
you think, were appropriate.
Is that what you're saying?
When they met resistance,
yes.
They announced three times.
They didn't move.
By the way, there was
no tear gas used.
There were chemical
irritants, the park police
has said.
No, there were not chemical
irritants.
Pepper spray is not a chemical
irritant.
It's not chemical.
Pepper spray, you're saying,
is what was used?
Pepper balls.
Pepper balls.
Okay, he is clearly
splitting hairs with the word
"chemical" there, but he's also
entirely f*cking wrong!
Pepper balls are made with a
chemical irritant, you can just
check the website of the company
that supplied them to the
federal government, which
says that they're made with a
chemical irritant that provides
"versatility for any situation."
Because that is what we're all
looking for in our projectile
weapons, versatility.
A way to transition this civil
violation from day to night, and
the answer is, as always, add a
statement lip, ditch the blazer,
and change those flats to pumps,
it's thirsty Thursday, b*tches,
time to pep, pep, pep it up.
But he has gone even further
than sanctioning "pepper balls,"
telling federal prosecutors to
consider charging rioters with
sedition, a charge that can
carry a 20-year prison sentence.
And then there was this.
Attorney General William barr
specifically pointed out
Seattle, Portland, and.
New York City as being
designated anarchist
jurisdictions and are at risk of
losing federal money.
It's true.
The d.O.J.
Identified Seattle, Portland,
and New York as anarchist
jurisdictions, because they were
"permitting v*olence and
"destruction of property," with
barr saying, "the safety of the
citizenry hangs in the balance."
And protests against
police brutality in black and
brown communities, during an
economic downturn caused
by a mismanaged pandemic that
has disproportionately ravaged
those same communities isn't
anarchy, it's well-targeted,
fully justified fury at... to
borrow a phrase... a lack of
safety for the citizenry.
Let's put it this way,
if there is ever real anarchy,
it won't be poor people getting
shot.
Now those threats are likely
meaningless, since congress,
not the president, has the power
to determine how federal funds
are spent.
But that is clearly
not the point here.
The point is that by barr even
saying that, he is bolstering
his and the president's case
that a moral order must be
imposed, and by force.
And ultimately, that is why
he is so very, very dangerous.
He gives radically conservative
views the veneer of seasoned
legal analysis, delivering utter
nonsense while hiding behind
whoopi goldberg glasses.
And as much as he may think that
he's the only objective,
fair-minded man left in
government, barr has made it
very clear what battle he is
really fighting, and who he is
fighting it against.
The left wants power because
that is essentially their state
of grace and their... their
secular religion.
They want to run people's lives
so they can design utopia for
all of us.
And that's what, you know,
that's what turns them on.
Oh, come on, bill.
That's just ridiculous.
We all know there's only one
thing that turns on the left,
and that is Wallace Shawn.
He's a socialist, as if he
needed to get any hotter.
Redistribute my assets,
you glistening gnome.
Nationalize my healthcare,
you soft-boiled egg.
Barr isn't just fighting to
give the president power on
principle.
He wants to give this president
power so he will use it against
the people barr thinks are
ruining society.
Coincidentally, the same people
that republican politicians have
blamed for exactly that since
barr was beating up hippies and
giving coffee to cops.
Barr sees a country that needs
to be whipped into shape and is
doing everything he can to make
sure that this president can
whip freely.
And if trump is reelected, and
barr is given a chance to keep
serving what he views as a
one-man executive branch that
has the f*cking supreme court
on its side, then there is only
one way to breathlessly describe
that.
Ahhh!
Yeah, no shit.
And now this.
And now...
Public officials preparing
children for a covid Halloween.
Hello, kids.
It is me, your friend, the
count.
The COVID-19 pandemic is
reshaping how oregonians shape
holidays.
And that includes Halloween.
But it didn't mean Halloween
can't still be spooky and fun
this year.
Kids are itching to get their
costumes on and rustle up some
grade-a scares.
The centers for disease
control and prevention and the
Virginia department of health
warn against the typical
door-to-door trick-or-treating.
Avoid spreading COVID-19 by
doing activities at home with
your family and friends.
For those who are
participating, please follow
the CDC guidelines and
recommendations.
Wear a mask.
Watch your distance.
Wash your hands.
And stay home if you are sick.
If we all don't do our part,
the covid virus will get you,
my pretty, and your little dog,
too.
That's it.
That's our show.
Look, I don't need to tell you
just how important Tuesday is.
If you have not voted already,
please, please do so.
I did.
I voted in my first
presidential election
just this morning.
And for what it's worth,
it was inspiring,
unexpectedly moving,
and I did get this free sticker.
So that's just not nothing.
Thank you so much for watching
the show.
And we will see you next week.
And truly hope we'll all be
feeling at least slightly
better.
And now, to play us out,
I give you Attorney General
bill barr and his f*cking
bagpipes.
Good night.
07x28 - Trump and the coronavirus, William Barr, and unitary executive theory
Watch/Buy Amazon
American late-night talk and news satire television program hosted by comedian John Oliver.
American late-night talk and news satire television program hosted by comedian John Oliver.