08x21 - Ransomware

[bunniefuu]

Hi, there!

Welcome to the show.

Our second to last one

Incidentally taking place in

This blank void.

Hey, everybody.

Hey.

Hey, john.

I have been thinking a lot

About, you know, you and I in

The last few weeks, and i, you

Know, I am a void.

Sometimes I can be cantankerous

If you know what that means.

But I do want to say, I actually

Will miss you when you're gone.

Wait, really?

No!

Not at all!

Right.

Totally joking!

Yep.

Bye, I hate you.

Get out!

I figured.

What a f*cking idiot.

Moving on!

It's been a busy week in

Afghanistan.

The taliban now controls

Half of the country's provincial

Capitals.

In new york, andrew cuomo

Resigned in disgrace or as

Chris cuomo might say...

But I want to talk about

The coronavirus.

Because sadly, our

Hot vax summer seems to be

Giving way to dipshit autumn

As the delta variant is

Spreading wildly around

The country, particularly

Among the unvaccinated,

With the u.s. Averaging around



And alarmingly, roughly 15% of

New cases our children, with

Over 250 kids being newly

Hospitalized each day.

And all of this means that many

Hospitals are yet again being

Stretched to the breaking point,

Particularly in certain parts of

The country, with florida and

Texas alone accounting for



The response of florida's

Governor has been underwhelming.

Today, florida's governor

Conceded things may look bad.

We are seeing people testing

Positive in higher numbers than

I think most people

Anticipated.

Deal with

It.

It's airborne.

It's aerosolized.

And so we just have to

Understand that when that's

Happening, these waves are

Something that you have to

Deal with.

Wow, the world changes

So quickly, doesn't it?

If you had told me just

A few years ago that florida's

Republican governor would

Respond to a deadly thr*at with

"These waves are something you

Just have to deal with," I'd

Have assumed they were talking

About miami sinking into a

Warming ocean, not a completely

Different, totally self-induced

Crisis.

And it's pretty tough to hear

This cut-rate coach taylor

Saying, "just deal with it" when

He seems to be very much not

Doing that.

Just a few weeks ago, desantis

Issued an order banning school

Mask mandates... Making florida

One of at least seven states

Now prohibiting schools from

Imposing them.

And school board meetings around

The country have seen fiery

Exchanges about this issue.

In north carolina,

Representative madison cawthorn

Showed up to one, to do whatever

This is.

The greatest thr*at to our

Children today does not come

From covid-19.

It comes from woke, liberal

Government officials like you

Who think they are all knowing

And all wise.

I'm a direct descendant of

Abraham kuykendall, one of the

First men to settle this county.

He knew hardship firsthand.

He did not endure that hardship

Just so a woke school board can

Begin to systematically strip

The responsibility from the

Hands of parents and guardians

O

To determine what to happens

With their children.

Wow.

So madison cawthorn thinks the

Biggest thr*at to children is

School board members who think

They're omniscient.

I'd say I was surprised,

But this is a man who once

Posted this video of himself

b*ating up a tree.

So he clearly loves to pick

Useless fights against imaginary

Opponents where he comes out

Looking like a complete assh*le.

Also, a quick side note about

Him bragging about being

A descendant of

Abraham kuykendall.

Not only does that last name

Sound like the swedish

Translation for bratz dolls,

For the record,

Abraham kirkendall... Which is

How it's actually pronounced...

Was one of the earliest

sl*ve owners in the county.

So next time you're trying to

Prove a point about how parents

Should decide what's best for

Their kids, maybe don't use

A guy who decided the best thing

For other people's kids was for

Him to own them.

And that was by no means

The only wildly inappropriate

Historical reference during

A debate this week.

Just after the fox chapel

School board voted for students

To wear masks as the new school

Year begins, people at the

Meeting started arguing with

The board, before this person

Appears to flash a n*zi salute

At the board.

The holocaust center of

Pittsburgh says there is

No comparison between

The holocaust and masking

Children in schools.

Okay, I appreciate

The effort, but you really did

Not need to ask the holocaust

Center to fact check that.

For the same reason you don't

Need to contact an african

Studies center to ask if

The rwandan genocide was as

Bad as getting a popcorn kernel

Stuck in your teeth.

If you don't already know the

Answer, you don't understand

Either of the things you're

Comparing.

And look, when tempers are this

High, it can be hard to sort

Things through in a nuanced way,

But let's try.

Because first, we can agree:

For most kids, in-person

Schooling is vastly preferable

To the online kind.

The question is, how to do it

Safely.

And those opposed to

Mask mandates argue that,

Since covid cases in children

Have tended to be mild... Which

Is, thankfully, true... The

Downsides of them wearing masks

Outweigh the benefits.

But that is a big swing.

There is still so much we don't

Know about how long-term covid,

And the delta variant, affect

Kids.

And what we do know is that

Covid is significantly more

Deadly for adults, and in many

Communities, for some f*cking

Reason, there are a lot of

Unvaccinated adults to whom kids

Could transmit the virus.

But it doesn't feel like any of

That nuance is being factored

Into this discussion,

Especially when you see scenes

Like people being harassed

Outside this tennessee school

Board meeting, with a man who

Spoke in favor of mask

Requirements being confronted

Everybody's taking notes,

Buddy!

Keep that little smile.

We know who you are!

You can leave freely but we will

Find you and we know who you

Are.

We know who you are.

Holy sh*t.

It's genuinely hard to imagine

A five-word phrase less welcome

Than "we know who you are,"

Aside from, obviously, "new

"Jeopardy" host mike richards."

And look, I'm not saying masks,

In and of themselves,

Are a perfect shield against

Transmission.

They're not!

Experts argue they should be

Part of a layered approach...

Like ensuring proper ventilation

In schools, maintaining social

Distancing, and requiring that

Everyone in a school who can get

A vaccine does.

The problem is, it's not like

Some of these states are saying,

"Okay, we'll take every

Reasonable precaution, except

For masks."

Because in texas, they're doing

This.

The texas education agency

Released new guidance regarding

Covid-19 and schools.

Under the new guidelines,

Schools are not required to

Inform parents of a positive

Case, schools do not have to

Conduct contact tracing, and

If a school does contact trace,

Parents can still send their

Child to school if they are

A close contact of an infected

Student.

What the f*ck are you

Doing?

The phrase, "everything's bigger

In texas" is supposed to refer

To meat, trucks, and belt

Buckles, not "the market for

Child-sized ventilators."

And I know some kids literally

Can't wear a mask all day.

But that's all the more reason

That, until transmission is in

Check, anyone who can, does.

And both the cdc and the

American academy of pediatrics

Representing nearly 70,000

Doctors... Are arguing for

Universal indoor masking for

Kids.

And the thing is, you can't help

Thinking that some of the fuss

Over masks is more about

Parents than it is about their

Kids.

In fact, just watch as one

Basically admits that.

Well, I mean, honestly,

It's just crazy.

I mean, last time I checked,

This is america, and you can't

Make anybody do anything.

I mean, I thought that's what

People d*ed for, our freedom.

Last year, he did have to wear

A mask, and you know, honestly,

He thinks it's cool.

I'm gonna just... I'm not gonna

Lie, you know, he thinks he's a

Ninja.

And I say, "son, don't... Don't

Say that, when they... When they

Ask you if you like to wear a

Mask."

But, you know.

It doesn't really affect him,

I guess, right now, but,

You know, he doesn't know what's

Going on.

Oh, come on!

If your kid happens to like

Wearing a mask, let them f*cking

Wear it!

Do you realize how rare it is

For a child to voluntarily do

Something that's a net positive

For public health?

Kids are normally just moving

Snot dispensaries that run

Around coughing on door knobs,

And sneezing directly into

People's mouths.

Look, the key thing to remember

Is that the absolute best thing

We can do to keep covid from

Spreading in schools isn't

Simply putting masks on

Children.

It's for the whole community

Surrounding that school to be

Vaccinated.

It is no coincidence that the

First large wave of covid cases

In children is hitting

Low-vaccination states.

So you really want to protect

The health of children and

The community they live in?

Here's your f*cking answer:

We are only fighting about masks

In schools because there are

A bunch of foolish adults that

Have decided not to get the

Vaccine.

And to all of them, I can only

Say... To quote a bunch of

Upsettingly loud idiots...

"We know who you are" and you're

The f*cking problem.

And now, this.

And now...

Pete nelson from "tree house

Masters" really, really likes

Trees.

Boy, this is a great looking

Tree, these maples.

A poplar.

A lot of pine.

Oak trees.

Eastern hemlocks.

Look at this beautiful tunnel of

Love.

Look at the size of this

Gorgeous, big oak!

I would rather be in a tree that

Is in its adolescent years, if

You will.

Having just said that, if there

Is a big, beautiful mature oak

That has clearly been around a

Long time, you get so attracted

To those too that you can't help

Yourself.

There was a little

Communication there between me

And the big guy that was like,

Let's do this.

It is asking for it.

It wants us to be here.

I saw them earlier but I didn't

Want to jump her bones right

Away.

These are regal.

It's the king of the forest.

We have had this thing going

For about seven years.

I think it senses that now is

The time.

My tree juices are pumping.

I am feeling something really

Good right in here.

I am buzzing right now.

Feels really good.

This feels great.

This is fantastic.

Oh!

Moving on.

Our main story tonight concerns

The internet.

It is a horrible place that

Everyone hates, which is a

Little weird, as it's given us

Almost everything that we were

Promised in this nearly

Prescient ad from 1993.

Have you ever borrowed a book

From thousands of miles away?

Crossed the country without

Stopping for directions?

Or sent someone a fax

From the beach?

You will.

And the company that'll bring it

At&t.

Wow, that was

Two-thirds of the way to

Shockingly accurate.

Ebooks?

Check.

Gps?

Check.

Beach fax?

Not in this or any other

Lifetime.

Although I will say, if there

Was one company that would go

All in on a doomed technology

Like sand-faxing, it would be

At&t.

Specifically, I want to talk

About one of the more damaging

Things the internet has enabled,

And that's ransomware att*cks...

Basically, incidents where

Hackers get into a computer,

Lock up the data, and then force

The owners to pay a ransom

In order to unlock it.

You may have heard a lot about

Them recently.

Back in may, a ransomware att*ck

Shut down a top u.s. Gas

Pipeline... The colonial

Pipeline, a major artery for

Fuel along the east coast.

And while the company stressed

There was still plenty of gas

Available, just the very idea

That there might be a shortage

Led to chaos.

The lines for gas getting

Longer, from the carolinas,

Down to florida,

Panicked drivers overwhelming

Gas stations.

Across the southeast,

Demand is up 40%.

Prices at the pump inching up

Too.

I'll spend that extra

Few bucks.

That's the way it is.

I just kinda heard there was

Gonna be a run on gas and we

Figured I better get it now.

Yeah, that makes sense!

"There won't be a run on gas

Unless everyone is an idiot,

Which means there's definitely

Going to be a run on gas,

So I might as well be a faster

Idiot."

He's not wrong, but it's people

Like that guy that make

Everything completely impossible

All of the time.

So thanks, "that guy."

Life just wouldn't be the same

Without you, and I really wish

Life weren't always the same.

The scale of the colonial hack

Was truly remarkable.

And then in july, the i.t.

Software company kaseya got hit

With an even bigger hack.

And since its job was to push

Software to other companies,

That meant that hundreds of

Kaseya's clients, and clients'

Clients, like a grocery store

Chain, a public broadcaster,

Schools, and a national railway

System were also compromised.

And if you're thinking, "is it

Just me, or did there not used

To be a massive ransomware

att*ck every two months?"

You're actually right.

Over the past few years, it's

Gone from a trickle to a flood.

The estimated total ransoms paid

Quadrupled to $350 million

Last year.

And that is definitely an

Undercount, because companies

Often don't publicly disclose

Ransomware att*cks, for fear of

Negative press or lawsuits.

And it's not just companies

Involved here.

Everyone is vulnerable to

Ransomware, even this woman.

Inna simone is retired.

She's a mother and grandmother

From russia who now lives

Outside of boston.

In the fall of 2014, her home

Computer started acting

Strangely.

Inna saw dozens of these

Messages.

They were all the same.

They read, "your files are

Encrypted.

To get the key to decrypt them,

You have to pay $500."

All her files were locked,

Tax returns, financial papers,

Letters, even the precious

Photos of her granddaughter.

Tuesday afternoon, the full

Ransom was sent to the hackers'

Account.

Inna inserted one short

Message to the criminals with

Her payment.

I wrote, "I wish you all will

Drop dead."

Yeah.

You almost forgot that woman

Was going to be russian

For a moment, didn't you?

And then she's really russian.

She is enjoying herself.

You can tell this isn't the

First time she's wished death

On someone, and also, that this

Wouldn't be the first time her

Wish came true.

So if it's so pervasive,

It's affecting pipelines and

Grandmothers, we thought

Tonight, we'd take a look at

Ransomware, why it's on the

Rise, and what, if anything,

Can be done about it.

And let's start with some

History.

The first ransomware att*ck

Actually occurred back in 1989,

When a man named joseph popp

Mailed 20,000 floppy disks to

Public health researchers

That he claimed contained aids

Research.

But when they inserted the disk,

Their computers were infected

With malware, their files were

Locked up, and the program

Demanded they mail $189

To a p.o. Box in panama.

This is a

Cybercrime so old, it used to

Require a bunch of floppy disks

And two physical mailmen.

Oh, and fun fact: after being

Arrested, popp claimed in court

That he had planned to donate

That ransom money to aids

Research, which is weird because

He had stolen that money

From aids researchers

In the first place.

He's like robin hood,

If robin hood had gone around

Taking money from the poor and

Promising the poor he'd give it

Back later.

But obviously, ransomware

Doesn't come in via floppy disk

Any more.

Instead, it gets into your

System through the internet,

With a message like this.

This is what it looks like

When you get att*cked.

It says, your network has been

Infected, right there in big red

Type.

Your documents have been

Encrypted.

And now to get them back,

You have to pay, is what this

Ransom note is telling you.

There's a countdown clock

There letting you know you have

Just limited time here to take

Action and pay these hackers or

Else the price is going to go up

And you might not get your data

Back.

Yeah, that's not a

Message you want to see

On your screen.

And while they're scary enough

In that form, some att*cks can

Be cartoonishly terrifying.

Here's one featuring

The annabelle doll.

Here's one with the puppet

From "saw."

Nobody wants to see that!

And here's one with

Thomas the t*nk engine screaming

"f*ck you" and saying the only

Way to unlock your computer is

To send him at least ten nudes,

Which I'm pretty sure is a

Reference to the unaired final

Episode of "thomas and friends"

Where they introduced thomas to

The concept of p*rn, and

He became so crazed by it, he

Had to be forcibly disassembled.

They say if you wander the sodor

Scrapyards at night, you can

Hear the wailing of a thousand

Scattered pistons, still alive

And howling for d*ck pics.

So that's what ransomware looks

Like.

But how much harm can it do?

Well, depending on the target,

A lot.

Ransomware has caused chaos in

City governments like baltimore

And new orleans.

And hackers have also hit school

Districts, police departments,

And even hospital systems.

Last month, a cyberattack

Targeting the hospital chain

Universal health services caused

A major computer failure, with

Some of its hospitals forced to

Use pen and paper to file

Patient information.

So this is a perfect storm

Hitting the hospitals, and

There's actually never been

A better time, if you're a

Ransomware syndicate and you

Want a fast payout, this would

Be the time to strike.

Hey, theresa,

Can I talk to you for a second?

Look, I'm no stranger to

Inadvertently giving

Unscrupulous people new ways

To prey on the vulnerable.

This season alone, we've done

Stories on predatory nursing

Homes, pace loan scams, and

Basically told you how to set up

A fake religious health

Insurance company.

This show could easily be called

"Getting rich for sociopaths"

With john oliver.

But I will say, at least I've

Never look dead into camera and

Told hackers it's a great time

To take down a hospital.

Until, I guess, just now.

What have you gotten me into,

Theresa?

And to be fair, hackers don't

Need much encouragement.

Last year, over 500 healthcare

Facilities were hit by

Ransomware att*cks

In the u.s. Alone.

One of which was in vermont,

Where clinicians were forced to

Turn away hundreds of cancer

Patients who needed treatment

After they lost access to

Medical records.

And the thing is, hackers don't

Necessarily have to work too

Hard to do this.

About 85% of hospitals don't

Have a single qualified

Cybersecurity person on staff,

Which does feel like it's just

Asking for trouble.

In fact, lax security is a

Problem across all industries.

The colonial pipeline att*ck

Occurred because an employee had

Used the same password across

Multiple services, and the

Company didn't use multi-factor

Authentication.

So when that password was

Breached in an att*ck elsewhere,

There was a direct way in.

And when pressed on what

Happened, colonial's ceo wasn't

Particularly reassuring.

In the case of this

Particular legacy vpn, it did

Only have single-factor

Authentication, it was a

Complicated password, so I want

To be clear on that, it was not

A "colonial 123" -type password.

Well, hold on.

No one said it was!

I don't know whose expectations

You think you're meeting with

That answer.

The only people I'd even suspect

Of using "colonial123" as a

Password are the staff at

Colonial williamsburg, and

That's only because aggressively

Sucking at cybersecurity would

At least be historically

Accurate.

And here's the thing,

Even organizations that are

Scrupulous about backing up data

So it can be easily recovered

Can still be vulnerable.

Because hackers are now not just

Encrypting data, they're also

Threatening to release files or

Personal information publicly.

This happened to the d.c. Police

Recently when hackers released

The personal information of 22

Officers.

And a few years ago, hbo was

Hit, too, with hackers demanding

Around $6 million or they'd leak

Unaired episodes of

"Game of thrones."

Which, to be honest, is a pretty

Weak thr*at.

If hbo's going to be publicly

Humiliated, it will be by

Releasing the last season of

"Game of thrones" on its own

Terms, thank you very much.

And if having your data locked

Or leaked weren't scary enough,

It actually gets worse.

Because we're increasingly

Hooking physical objects in our

Lives up to the internet...

Things like tvs, refrigerators,

And ovens.

And they can be vulnerable to

Ransomware, too.

Back in 2016, hackers made

The first-ever ransomware for

Smart thermostats, cranking

The temperature to 99 degrees

Unless the owner paid up.

And last year, researchers found

A vulnerability in an

Internet-enabled chastity cage

Basically a high-tech penis

Prison... That could be

Cock-locked until the person

In junk jail paid up.

And interestingly, the

Researchers who discovered that

Felt compelled to go public with

It because of the next product

That company was about to

Release.

Hi there!

We're introducing you to

Pear flower a**l plug.

Compatible to various teals and

Leash.

You need to select to be

"Keymaster" or "wearer."

Wearer can add friends in the

App, and invite friends to be

Keymaster.

This invited keymaster has right

To give permission to wearer for

Unlocking.

Wearer cannot unlock without

Permission from keymaster.

Yeah, that product

Could essentially give the

Internet control over your anus,

Which doesn't seem great.

Assholes are like opinions:

Letting the internet be in

Charge of yours is a really

Bad idea.

Now, incredibly, I legally have

To tell you at this point:

That butt plug does come with

A physical key for emergencies.

Which I am not sure is

Completely reassuring.

Keys do get lost, don't they?

Just picture the last time

You searched for your keys

Around your house and

Now raise the stakes

Significantly.

The point is, the costs of

Ransomware keep getting higher

And higher, even as, crucially,

The barrier to entry has gotten

Much lower.

Because the expl*si*n in

Ransomware has basically been

The result of three major

Developments.

The first one is the emergence

Of something called

"Ransomware as a service."

Basically, hackers will develop

A ransomware program, and then

Sell it to anyone who might want

To launch an att*ck and split

The profits.

What this means is, basically

Anyone can launch an att*ck,

Even if they're not particularly

Tech-savvy... In fact, just

Watch as a cybersecurity expert

Walks through the features

Offered by one ransomware

Vendor.

They actually provide you

With basically a chat room,

Where you can ask questions to

The people who maintain this

Architecture for you.

Frequently asked questions

For criminals.

Exactly.

Tom pace logged onto the site

And used it to encrypt a network

Of his own.

So all of the files that are

On this system have now been

Successfully encrypted.

So this took you just

Slightly over five minutes,

And you didn't write a single

Line of code?

Correct.

Off the shelf.

Off the shelf.

Ready to go.

That is alarmingly

Easy!

Ideally, no one would launch

Ransomware att*cks.

But my next preference would be

That launching one should

Require significantly more work

Than simply clicking

"Add ransomware to cart."

If it's beginning to seem like

Ransomware is just a typical

Business, but staffed by

Criminals, you're not entirely

Wrong.

This can be a very professional

Enterprise, with customer care

For both the criminal who bought

The ransomware product, and the

Victim on the receiving end of

It.

One expert even said, "honestly,

I wish my internet service

Provider had customer service

The way these guys do."

Which seems a little unfair,

Since ransomware hackers are

Criminals and internet service

Providers are f*cking monsters.

You can't hold them to the same

Standards.

And for a sense of the customer

Service they offer for victims,

Remember that grandmother?

The people that hacked her were

Happy to help guide her through

The process of payment.

In their ransom note, the

Hackers wanted to be paid in

Bitcoin, the largely untraceable

Digital currency, and have it

Put into their anonymous

Account.

Inna had never heard of bitcoin,

But the hackers, in one of their

Many touches of what you might

Call customer service, provided

All sorts of helpful facts and

Links and how-to guides about

Bitcoin.

It's true!

They had to teach

Inna how to use bitcoin.

That is genuinely way more

Impressive than carrying out a

Ransomware att*ck.

Click

Think about it, if you had to

Teach your grandma to use

Cryptocurrency in order to make

$500, Are you confident you

Would walk out of there with

$500?

Let's say you had infinite time

And infinite grandmas.

You have to understand bitcoin,

And then you have to teach a

Grandma, any grandma, to use it.

Are you seriously getting $500

Out of that situation?

Deep down, I think you know the

Answer to that.

But the bitcoin part of that

Story actually brings us to

The second major driver of

Ransomware, and that's the rise

Of cryptocurrencies.

They've made it much easier to

Make money from ransomware,

And much more difficult for law

Enforcement to recover payments.

Because if ransoms were paid in

Wire transfers, companies could

Find a way to claw that money

Back.

But with cryptocurrencies,

It's nearly impossible to undo.

And while the federal government

Actually did manage to recover

Some of the bitcoin used

In the colonial pipeline ransom,

There are other cryptocurrencies

Designed to be even more

Anonymous.

Take monero, which in its ads,

Seems to be aware of just how

Attractive it is to criminals.

There's no safe place to

Conduct private transactions.

Well, there wasn't one,

Until now.

Meet monero.

Monero is a secure, private,

Untraceable currency.

With monero, you are your own

Bank.

Only you control and are

Responsible for your funds.

Monero is private.

This means businesses can

Keep their suppliers in secret,

As well as citizens escape

Government repressions, and nosy

Neighbors or crooks.

Oh, come on.

There's a pretty clear subtext

To what they're selling there.

It's like seeing a cheerful ad

For "plastic tubs the size and

Shape of a human body."

This isn't for anything in

Particular!

There's all sorts of human

Body-sized things you could put

Into one of these sturdy tubs!

Also, they're scream proof!

"No matter how much sound

Something makes inside,

You'll never hear it!"

We're not telling you what to do

With our product, though...

We're simply leading you to a

Very specific conclusion.

Although, interestingly, despite

The fact hackers now have the

Ability to make their financial

Transactions in secret, it's not

Always that hard to figure out

Where, exactly, the money is

Going.

This shows an alleged member

Of a russian cyber g*ng known as

Evil corp, showing off an

Expensive lamborghini in a

Parking garage.

This is video of evil corp

Members allegedly doing donuts

And obstructing traffic in

Downtown moscow.

Videos and photographs

Released by investigators show

The alleged hackers living

Large, posing with arms full of

Cash, and showing off a pet lion

Cub.

This is 32-year-old

Maksim yakubets with his

Lamborghini huracan and his

Personalized number plates,

Which in russian reads "thief."

Wow.

These guys are douches.

It's bad enough sitting

In a traffic jam watching some

assh*le do donuts in the middle

Of the street without having to

Wonder if there's a lion cub

Throwing up in the car.

C'mon, guys.

Leave lions out of this.

If you absolutely have to have

A weird animal, get a big snake.

I could give two shits about

A big snake's quality of life.

And you can tell any big snake

I said that.

But there's actually a reason

Those hackers feel so

Comfortable driving around with

License plates that are

Basically an admission of guilt,

And that's brings us to

The final factor increasing

Ransomware att*cks, and that's

Countries providing safe havens.

Because multiple governments...

And russia, in particular...

Will look the other way for

Hackers

So long as they do

Their work outside of their

Borders.

Cybersecurity experts say the

"Don't work in .ru" stricture

Has become an unwritten rule

In the russian-speaking hacking

Community, to avoid

Entanglements with russian

Law enforcement.

Basically, russian hackers know,

As long as they don't make

Trouble at home, they won't be

Punished for what they do

Abroad.

And when you put all of this

Together, with cybercriminals

Able to buy ransomware off the

Shelf, get paid in untraceable

Currency, and work free from

State interference, is it any

Wonder we have such a massive

Problem on our hands?

Which brings us to the key

Question... What can we do about

This?

Well, here's a terrible idea.

We ought to pass a law

Immediately that makes it...

This kind of hacking subject to

A death penalty, and the law

Should include a provision that

The president, through a

Judicial process, should be able

To order the k*lling of anybody

Overseas who is doing this.

Wow.

That's both incredibly harsh and

Also endearingly naive.

Because I hate to break it to

Newt, but america doesn't

Exactly concern itself with

"A judicial process" to k*ll

People overseas.

We very much take

The santa claus approach:

See them when they're sleeping,

Know when they're awake, make a

List of who's been bad or good,

And then k*ll some bad ones,

And whichever good ones happen

To be around them.

You know, for goodness' sake.

So that is one extreme way to

Handle this.

The current administration,

However, has so far taken a

Different tack.

In the wake of the colonial

Hack, this was the message they

Were publicly sending.

We recognize that victims of

Cyberattacks often face a very

Difficult situation, and they

Have to just balance, often,

The cost-benefit when they have

No choice with regard to paying

A ransom.

Colonial is a private company,

And we'll defer information

Regarding their decision on

Paying a ransom to them.

Okay, so you'd like

Them to pay the ransom.

You'd like the gas back, and

The easiest way to get

The gas back is to pay

The ransom, so you'd like them

To pay the ransom.

It's a pretty strong hint, and

You get the feeling that if the

Hint doesn't work, joe biden is

Going to take their computer and

Pay for them.

If that russian grandma can

Figure out how to use bitcoin,

There's a 30% chance joe can

Too.

But there has to be a middle

Ground between "just k*ll them"

And "just pay them."

Because most punishments... And

This is true... Fall somewhere

Between "death sentence" and

"A cash reward."

And the problem is, the more we

Pay, the more these kinds of

att*cks will be encouraged,

And the more well-funded they

End up being.

So much more needs to be done

Here... And I will say, on the

Government level, there are some

Encouraging signs.

The justice department recently

Called a tax forced to curtail

The proliferation of ransomware

att*cks, does feel a little late

To be forming a task force but

It is definitely better than

Never.

Also the infrastructure bill

A billion dollars for improving

The cybersecurity of local

Governments.

But the thing is,

It's not just up to the

Government to take cybersecurity

A lot more seriously.

Companies and private

Individuals have to step up,

Too.

And there are some basic things

That we should all absolutely

Be doing.

First, set up multi-factor

Authentication... Do it right

Now!

Second, keep your computers up

To date, and also, don't click

On suspicious emails.

And I know that those measures

Sound small when we're facing

Something so terrifying.

But in a world where most

People's doors are unlocked

And wide open, just locking your

Door might be a deterrent.

The fact is, it's in everyone's

Interest to get this under

Control, because right now,

It really, really isn't.

To the point that it may well be

Time for a new ad campaign to

Drill home just how vulnerable

All of us are.

Have you ever lost access to

Your medical records?

What the f*ck?

How to work out to make a bet

Going transfer just so you can

See photos of your grandchildren

Again?

Or send a fax from the beach?

What are you, some kind of beach

Business?

Have you ever open your laptop

To see a clown's face demanding

$300,000?

You know what, all right.

What the f*ck is going on?

What is happening?

Or javier butt plug and

Excitedly taken over by

Ukrainian hackers.

You will.

Oh, no, not that.

Unless we lost our taking the

Issue of ransomware a lot more

Seriously.

So please, he was two factor

Authentication to secure all

Your medical records,

Emails, and butt plugs.

Hi, tech support?

Especially the butt plugs.

It is happening again.

If you think you can ignore

This problem and will never be

The victim of ransomware, trust

Us...

You will.

Oh, yeah, you definitely

Will.

That's our show.

Thanks so much for watching.

We will see you next week.

Good night.