10x07 - Homeowner associations

[bunniefuu]

Welcome, welcome,
welcome to Last Week Tonight.

Im John Oliver, thank you so much for
joining us. It has been a busy week.

A Texas judge moved to suspend FDA
approval

of a key drug
for medication abortions,

a rich white man suffered the beginning
of a potential consequence,

and WWE sold a controlling stake in
itself,

a decision that Vince McMahon went on
CNBC to explain.

You are the WWE, and the WWE is you.
So, why?

It-its the right time. Its the right
time to do the right thing.

Okay, I am so glad that he is saying
nothing there,

because I am exclusively interested in
what is happening on his face.

If you have never seen Vince McMahon
before, dont worry, you still havent.

Because this is what hes looked like
for the last 30 years or so,

whereas this is clearly an AI-generated
response to the prompt snake tycoon.

Look, sadly, I cant devote the rest of
this show to talking about

the decisions on display here, so Ill
just devote 30 more seconds to it.

He looks like the answer to the
question,

What if Salvador Dali chose to live
without imagination?

He looks like hes about to
challenge someone to a balloon race

around the world.

He looks like Vincent Price having
an allergic reaction

to being stung by bees.

He looks like a circus owner from the


who harasses the dancers,
mistreats the animals for fun,

and is eventually m*rder*d by a lion
while the whole town cheers.

And sadly, that is my time.

And the reason that we cannot talk more
about this mans face

is that we need to discuss the events
in Tennessee.

After last weeks mass sh**ting at
Covenant School,

young activists have been at the state
Capitol

protesting the lack of response from
the legislature,

while engaging in some catchy chants
concerning Governor Bill Lee.

f*ck Bill Lee! f*ck Bill Lee! f*ck Bill
Lee! f*ck Bill Lee!

Look, you can try and get clever with
it, but at the end of the day,

theres just nothing like a chant that
goes f*ck,

And then the name of the person that
youre mad at.

Its short, its sweet, its to the
point, its f*ck Bill Lee.

And that anger is totally justified,

as the response from Lee and his fellow
Republicans

has been deeply underwhelming.

Here is one representative arguing to
young peoples faces

that it would be pointless be to ban
AR-15s.

Youre not gonna like my answer, and
look, Im gonna say that straight up.

Its not about this one g*n.

If there is a firearm out there that
youre comfortable being sh*t with,

please show me which one it is.

I mean, that is a hall-of-fame shitty
response,

but also, if your opener is,
Youre not gonna like my answer,

maybe start thinking of some better
ones.

And for the record,
I dont want to be sh*t by any g*ns.

I dont even want to get sh*t by a Nerf
g*n.

And not because they sting my paper
bones-which they do-

but just based on the fact that this is
Murph, Nerfs actual mascot,

and Im pretty sure that every Nerf
dart

is one of the many penises
that make up Murphs nude body.

Some protesters actually made their way
into the House gallery last week,

and three state representatives

took to the floor
to voice their support for them.

That, in turn, led to Republicans
introducing resolutions

to expel those lawmakers,

which the House speaker supported after
claiming they were inciting v*olence.

Although, when pressed for proof of
that, he didnt have much to offer.

Theres no doubt they were disruptive,

but whats the evidence that they were
trying to incite v*olence?

Well, they were trying
to jazz people up.

- When we have representatives-
- But, incite v*olence.

When we had representatives trying to
go to the restroom, they got spit on.

Do you have any evidence that these
three members

were encouraging protesters
to spit on members or troopers?

I mean, you cant prove that.

Oh, okay. So, you cant prove they were
inciting v*olence,

but in the interest of safety, you feel
you have a responsibility

to take their dangerous platform away
from them.

But if instead of megaphones, they had,
say,

something that can fire 100 rounds
in a matter of minutes, then, sadly,

its literally impossible to do
anything to prevent that

because we asked the prematurely
embalmed mayor of Whoville

and he said no.

Also, to the extent
that this is about decorum,

its worth knowing, the legislature has
apparently seen far worse behavior.

As Gloria Johnson, one of the lawmakers
threatened with expulsion, pointed out,

We had a child molester on the floor
for years,

they helped him get reelected and did
nothing to expel him,

Weve had members pee in each others
chairs,

Weve had members prescribe dr*gs to
their cousin-mistress,

and nothing happened.
And sorry-cousin-mistress?

Do you know how crazy a list of
allegations has to be

for someone to go, There was that
child molester for years,

but honestly dont even bother writing
that down because wait until you hear

about the next couple of things that
Im about to say.

The House voted on whether to expel the
three members on Thursday,

and there was a pattern to the results
that was pretty hard to miss.

The GOP-controlled House voting
Thursday to oust State Representatives

Justin Jones and Justin Pearson,

while a motion to expel
Representative Gloria Johnson

narrowly failed by just one vote.

When asked why she was spared,
Johnson saying this.

It might have to do
with the color of our skin.

But state House Republicans
denying that claim.

Our members literally didnt look at
the ethnicity of the members

that were up for expulsion.

Okay. Now, legally, I cant say that
guy is lying,

which is why its going to be an
interesting day for our lawyers

tomorrow when they find out I said that
guy is definitely lying.

We literally dont even see color

is the universal tell for people who
spend all day thinking

about how theyd
like to see less color.

Now, fortunately, Pearson and Jones
could be re-appointed fairly soon,

or re-elected down the road. And while
Republicans claimed, gallingly,

that this was to teach them a lesson
about grandstanding,

Pearson wanted to make it clear exactly
why this escalated in the first place.

I dont personally want attention.

What I want is attention on the issue
of g*n v*olence.

But instead, were here with
the resolution you put up,

talking about expelling me

for advocating for ending g*n v*olence
in the state of Tennessee.

Exactly. And it is not a great sign for
Tennessee

when they punish the ones speaking out
against g*n v*olence,

while keeping the ones who ask,

Which g*n would you be comfortable
being sh*t with?

Look, there are pretty clearly two big
issues going on here,

racism and g*n v*olence-which,
incidentally,

will in all likelihood be the name of
the next Kid Rock album.

And Tennessee lawmakers can continue
to brush both of those issues aside,

saying, g*ns arent the problem, or,
We dont see color.

But the young people of Tennessee are
making it very clear

they are sick of waiting, and that
change is long overdue.

Or if I may put that in the words of
this Sega Genesis video game villain.

Its the right time to do the right thing.

Thank you, French Dracula-I couldnt
have said it better myself.

And now, this.

And now.

Its Easter, The Most Terrifying Time
of the Year.

It is almost time to meet
the Easter Bunny. Are you ready?

Sometimes the Easter Bunny
is a little scary animal.

I saw one at the mall the other day

and I was like,
eh, I wouldnt sit-Im not doing that.

I always thought the Easter Bunny
was creepy.

- Yeah, a little.
- Yeah, I agree.

Santa I can deal with.

I have yet to see
a really cute Easter Bunny.

Not a cute Easter Bunny there.
Its kind of scary.

They have a creepy effect.

I was scared a little bit
of the Easter Bunny as a kid.

If the eyes are dead up there,
no thanks.

Youre taking about a six-foot-tall-

I was just gonna say,
the visual of a bunny.

Gigantic bunny.
Does anyone like that?

Cute bunny.

Terrifying bunny.

Cute bunny.

Nightmare bunny.

So many of the tiny-little ones were
afraid of the big bunny.

Many encounters with the Easter Bunny

provide children with their first
intimate understanding of the concept

of fight or flight.

Moving on. Our main story tonight
concerns homeownership.

So, if you are under 35, honestly, this
story isnt for you.

Itll never be for you. You will never
own a home.

Sorry, that is the deal that you made
when you decided to be born after 1988.

But we didnt want you to feel left
out, so weve actually prepared

a full, alternative story for you
tonight about Chuck E. Cheese,

a different crumbling American
institution

that you should go watch now instead.

This is real. It is 25 minutes long,

and you can find it at
Last-Squeak-Tonight-dot-com.

Please go do that now because there is
genuinely nothing for you to see here.

Okay,

for everyone who remains,
this story is about HOAs,

which stands for homeowners
associations.

Not, as you mightve thought, Horse on
Adderall,

which I believe is the potential sequel
to Cocaine Bear.

HOAs-also sometimes known
as community associations,

are entities set up to govern groups of
homes,

like a suburban neighborhood
developments or condos-

and often make local news as the
villains in stories like this.

Its a simple story of a man
with some simple needs.

Sit down and have his little chips
and a soda if he wants,

and say hello to some people.

Tanyas talking about her neighbor Ted.

Ill be 92 in September.

And the bench outside his door.

I have a place I like to come out here
and sit and relax.

Notices from his HOA, the Bethany Villa
Association, saying simply,

Remove your bench from
the common area, or it will be removed.

The man deserves a place to rest
and enjoy nature

and eat his little snacks

and say hello to people
and pet puppies.

Yeah! Let that man have his f*cking
bench!

He deserves to eat snacks and pet
puppies!

Which is, by the way, the single
greatest way you could spend a day.

Nothing tops that.
If on the day that your baby was born,

a friend came and told you that they
spent the afternoon

eating snacks and petting puppies,
they had a better day than you did.

The miracle of life cant compete with
the simple joy of munchin snacks

and scratchin backs.

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom-and this is
true-a rub, rub.

Also, quick shoutout to Tanya there,

the neighbor billed by that local
station as simply,

Neighbor and Ted Fan.

She may be a Ted fan, but I, for one,
am a Tanya fan,

because I see the effort that it takes
to put on a full face

first thing in the morning and go on
the news, just to say,

Stop f*cking with Ted!

But that is not a one-off.
Stories of HOAs being petty are legion.

A valley homeowner says her HOA
wants to fine her

because she installed artificial grass.

A homeowners association told one
San Antonio family

their holiday decorations are up too
early, so theyve gotta come down.

I got lots and lots of letters from the
HOA

telling me to stop feeding the ducks.

I mean, when you receive a violation
for a tree not being tree-shaped,

it boggles your mind.

Yeah, of course, it does. Because what
does not tree-shaped even mean?

If it has branches, bark, and a place
for a squirrel to store some nuts

and get some fucks, its a tree. Its
tree-shaped, by definition.

The fact is, a lot of people live in
HOAs-


lives in a community association.

And its actually increasingly hard to
find a home that doesnt come with one.

As of all the new single-family homes
sold in 2021,



Thats up from around just 40% in 1990.
Which is pretty remarkable,

given that, when one local station
asked viewers how they felt about HOA,

the results were nearly universally
negative, with one notable exception.

This was a rare comment. I like our
HOA. I guess Im the lucky one?

But it was quickly followed with,
Don't count yourself lucky too soon.

Every HOA is just one vote away
from hellish nightmares.

Wow.

One vote away from hellish nightmares
is a pretty intense comment.

Its also, incidentally,

the DNCs sole campaign message
for the last two elections.

So, if they are this widely used, and
this widely loathed, tonight,

lets look at HOAs-what they are, what
purpose they serve,

and the surprising powers they have to
wreak havoc in peoples lives.

And lets start with the basics,
courtesy of this old explainer video.

Just what is a community association?

The association is a legal entity

created as a result of a planned
community.

A board of directors is responsible for
governing your association.

Working together with the board
members and committee members

can ensure that your community will run
smoothly and effectively.

After all, board members are owners,
just like yourself.

Okay, you can really tell that video is
from the 90s,

not just because its sh*t with a
quality that can only be described as

after-school p*rn, but also because
the board in question

is just three men and one woman that
they all ignore.

In other words, almost every 90s
sitcom.

The point is, HOAs are run by elected
boards of your fellow homeowners.

And they require the payment of dues,

which average around two to $300
a month

but can be much more,
depending on where you live.

And in return, the HOA covers upkeep of
the common areas and amenities

in the neighborhood, like playgrounds
or swimming pools.

They also, crucially,

enforce architectural and landscaping
guidelines, like

no benches or trees must be
tree-shaped,

which are often trying to push
aesthetic uniformity

and preserve property values.
You can find HOA rules like,

homes may display a maximum of two
exterior decorative objects, or,

All garage doors must be painted
Benjamin Moore Mayonnaise OC-85.

And one Arizona HOA required that

front yard landscaping must contain
a minimum of one 36-inch box tree,

one 24-inch box tree, 10 five-gallon
shrubs, and 10 one-gallon shrubs.

And I genuinely cant tell if those are
HOA requirements

for taking care of your lawn
or rules to Settlers of Catan.

And those rules arent just advisory,
theyre enforced through fines.

And HOAs can be pretty unforgiving
about handing them out.

Take a close look at
Debra Blues Wake County home.

The color of her shutters had her facing

steep fines
with her homeowners association.

They decided to fine me $25 a day.

Debra paid close to two grand in fines
and took down her plum shutters.

Which was immediately met with a
response that now

they were going to find me in violation
of taking the shutters off the house

and start fining me again.

That is absurd. She got fined for the
color of her shutters, took them down,

and then got in trouble for the absence
of shutters.

Its one of those situations where no
matter what you do you lose,

sort of like going on The Voice.

Sure, there are technically winners,
but name a single one.

This show has been on for a
conservative 50 years

and not a single winner is a household
name.

Seriously, tell me the first and last
name of just one winner. You cant.

No one can. Not even h*nky-tonk
Frankenstein can do it.

And some HOAs can be surprisingly
aggressive

about actively seeking out
rule violators, as this man discovered.

Three years after buying this property,

the Henrys received a letter from their
homeowners' association.

Saying that they were doing an audit

and they noticed that I had a shed in
my backyard,

and it wasn't approved by my
homeowners' association.

Gavin, who is a disabled veteran,
told the HOA the shed was there

before he bought the property and none
of his neighbors have ever complained.

Since you can't see the shed
from the front yard

and no one came knocking
at the Henrys' front door,

they asked their homeowners
association

how they were able to perform an audit.

That's when they were told over
the phone that

Google Maps was used
to scope out their backyard.

Yeah, they spied on him with Google
Maps. Which feels extreme.

If you're relying on the achievements
of the space program

to find out what is in someone's
backyard,

it's probably not your business.

And if you're wondering how HOAs get
the authority to do all of this,

the answer is, they're basically born
with it.

HOAs are typically created by
developers

when they build a new neighborhood.

They write the HOA into deed
restrictions,

with membership a*t*matic upon
purchasing your home.

And they're set up as not-for-profit
private corporations

that can often function like a local
government.

Some HOAs handle street paving,
snow plowing, lighting,

and run private sewer and water
systems.

And others even dabble in traffic
enforcement.

In the Parkview Community
in Spring Valley,

an HOA board email says they
installed this-a speed camera.

They say more are coming.

Neighbor Ted Morris says what worries
him and some other neighbors is

how much a violation will cost you for
going slightly over 15 miles an hour.

The notice says it's 250 for the first
ticket, $500 for the second,

$1,000 for the third, and any more
violations for you and your guests.

$1,000 speeding tickets,

given out not by the city, but by the
HOA!

Basically, the way HOAs work is,

they get to set the rules, and select
the punishment for breaking them.

Think of it like Disney World.

When you walk into the mouse's house,
you play by the mouse's rules,

and if you step out of line, Goofy is
allowed to break your f*cking knees.

And the existence of HOAs is something
that many local governments appreciate.

Cash-strapped municipalities like them
because developers build roads

and parks and pass the costs along to
the homeowners.

In fact, many municipalities even
mandate the creation of HOAs

in new residential developments.

Which might be why the rise of HOAs has
been called

the most significant privatization of
local government responsibilities

in recent times.

And that gets to an important point
here,

because HOAs can have the authority of
a government,

and collect fees and fines like one,

but when it comes to accountability,
they can actively resist it,

in ways that government officials could
only dream about.

After the residents of one HOA in
Arizona

posted some social media comments
about an upcoming board election,

the HOA demanded they remove posts
that were critical of its board-

and threatened to fine them as much as
$250 a day if they didn't.

And while they eventually walked that
back,

that is a pretty striking level of
hostility toward basic scrutiny,

even before you learn that this is how

one board member dealt with press
inquiries as the story unfolded.

- I got to ask you…
- No comment.

- No, I'm sorry. Get away from me.
- No, you've got a lot of…

Get away from me!

That's Valvista Lakes board director
Todd McCoy

following a private board meeting
tonight in Gilbert. After being shoved,

we reiterated to McCoy that
the community was very upset.

To which, he replied…

I don't care about them right now.

Holy sh*t!

He came at that reporter with the fire
of a thousand Mel Gibsons.

There is almost no scenario where

yelling get away from me
that aggressively is called for,

aside from maybe bumping into
Ezra Miller in Hawaii.

And at this point, you probably won't
be surprised to learn that

private associations designed to have
the force of law

in suburban neighborhoods,

have a history of being used to exclude
certain groups.

As we discussed in our housing
discrimination piece,

many neighborhoods
had racial covenants

barring the sale of housing to
Black Americans.

And in some cases, HOAs tried to
enforce those covenants,

even after the Supreme Court ruled them
unconstitutional.

But even today, there are cases where
HOAs are used

to actively exclude
certain types of residents.

Just last June,

the board of the Providence HOA in
Denton County, Texas-

which oversees a community made up of


passed a rule that would ban renting
a house

to anyone using a publicly financed or
subsidized housing program,

such as Section 8.
And the impacts of that were immediate.

Revisha thr*at fears being homeless
soon.

That's because the rules have changed

in their Providence Village
subdivision.

I sit in my living room and cry cause
I just don't know what to do.

Now that is terrible.
But it's not just her-

that new rule threatened to
displace more than 150 families

renting in the neighborhood,

with Black families making up 93% of
those households.

And I know that those HOA officials

might not think of themselves as
racists,

but 93% is a pretty solid A for racism.

That HOAs policy is now under
investigation,

but the fact is, there is nothing in
state or federal law

that explicitly forbids HOAs from
enacting bans like this.

It's basically a segregation loophole,

which, by the way, would be a pretty
good slogan for the suburbs.

And if you are thinking,
Well, this all seems f*cked up,

but thank God there aren't private
companies making this worse!

Hold on-Ive got some bad news.

Because at this point, we should probably
discuss management companies.

You see, while, as I mentioned,

all the big decision-making in HOAs is
done by elected boards of homeowners,

they may not have the time or skills to
do everything running an HOA entails,

or they may not want to get their hands
dirty policing their neighbors.

That is why the majority of HOAs hire
professional companies

to handle their day-to-day needs, under
the board's direction.

Here is how one of the biggest,
Associa, pitches itself.

The people who serve on our boards
are volunteers,

and for most of them,
they have other full-time jobs.

So,
our role is to come alongside them

and help do the heavy lifting of what
it takes to manage that neighborhood

that they may not have the time for or
the expertise for.

Our role is really to help them achieve
that vision.

Now, in theory, that sounds pretty
good, doesnt it?

But in practice, it can get much
messier than that.

Remember Ted, who was getting
his bench taken away?

His neighborhood was run by Associa.

So, if all they want to do is help
a neighborhood achieve a vision,

as long as that vision includes
Ted doesn't get to sit down,

I guess, mission accomplished.

The problem is,

when you introduce for-profit companies
to find problems in your neighborhood,

things can change fast.

Many of these management companies
have people whose job it is

to drive around neighborhoods, looking
for infractions.

If you look at that letter that Ted got
regarding his bench,

you'll see that it says the infraction
was noted

by the Associa Arizona
Inspection Team.

And just watch as one woman explains
just how quickly things snowballed

after a new management company took
over her HOA.

First, the HOA told her her trash cans
couldn't be visible from the street.

You have to turn your head
so far over like this

to see it for the second
that you are passing my house.

So, she moved them inside.

Which is very hard to get them in and
out.

Then the problem was her hose.

It was, you know, all wrapped up, so it
really didn't look bad.

Then it was her lawn art.

You can't have those.

Then they wanted her to power wash her
house and sweep up her driveway.

But when she didn't get it done fast
enough,

she got late fees on top of late fees,

$25 a day for each infraction.

These are things that are so
incidental, they're not important!

They're asinine. And you're charging me
$17,000?!

$17,000!

That is clearly ridiculous.
I adore everything about that women

including her world-class delivery of
asinine. Although, I will say,

I do think she could do a little bit
better with her lawn art.

It's not $17,000 fine bad,
of course not.

Its just a bit of a waste when you
could have something spectacular,

like these ducks wearing boots,
or these ducks made of bananas.

Your lawn is a canvas, Pat. Fill it
with whatever duck art speaks to you.

The point is,

this is a system that can quickly trap
people in a vicious cycle of debt.

Here-heres how it works. Let's say you
fall behind on HOA payments.

You might be charged interest and have
to pay additional penalties.

But that is just the beginning here

because once the management company
starts pursuing payment,

they can involve lawyers, whose fees
can be astronomical,

and things can get out of hand fast.

Here is the bill of just one


She fell ill, and was in a nursing
home,

so she missed an annual dues payment
at the start of 2021, of $423.

Her HOA then started charging interest
and fees for missed payments,

and just five months later,
her bill was already up to $682.

But things really started escalating

when lawyers' fees started getting
introduced.

Because there are a lot of them-and
over the course of just two years,

she suddenly owed over $8,000,

well over half of which was lawyers'
fees.

And if you're wondering why lawyers are
even getting involved here,

it's because they often come in
when HOAs are ready to exercise

a truly incredible power that they have
over homeowners,

which this woman found out about the
hard way.

There was a process server who came
and knocked on my door

and served me with a foreclosure
notice.

And of course, you know, I freaked out.

Miesha had fallen behind on a lot of
her bills,

but she said she'd work something out
with the mortgage company.

But this was the HOA, and I had no idea
that an HOA could foreclose on you.

Its true.
HOAs can foreclose on your home.

Which is one of those things that
sounds ridiculous

but is absolutely true.

Like how there are four times as many
chickens as people on Earth,

or Lenny Kravitz is Al Roker's second
cousin,

or that the first song Charlie Puth
ever masturbated to

was This Love by Maroon 5.

That's a true fact! And I hate that
I know it!

But I love that you now know it, too.

And this power gets deployed all over
the country.

Colorado's HOAs alone filed more than


from January 2018 to February of last
year.

And to make matters worse, those homes
can then be sold at auction-

sometimes without the homeowner even
realizing.

Just listen to this woman explain how-

despite desperately trying to pay
her late HOA fees-

she wound up losing everything.

Walked in, paid off the 2,700.
And when I walked out, I said,

This is all I owe, right? Yes.

Then here comes the next set of
letters,

and now it's up to 6,400.

Turns out there were post-judgment
legal fees and 18% back interest.

So, even after she'd paid more than
$9,000,

she was still somehow behind on her
dues.

But in 2018, she received the
most shocking letter of all:

an eviction notice.

You know, its-you lose your home.
That's hard.

But sadness turned to anger when she
realized

the HOA had purchased her home
through foreclosure

for $3.24 a year
before she was evicted.

That happened!

They bought her whole house for $3.24.

And losing your home alone is
horrifying,

but seeing it sold for so little is
genuinely insulting.

Because $3.24 is significantly less
than what it costs

to buy just one of those banana ducks.

They cost $17.98.
And the reason I know that is…

I bought one. And yes, I, too, was
surprised by how small it is.

But much less surprised than I was to
learn that

it technically costs more than
someone's entire f*cking house.

Most states don't even require HOAs to
offer a payment plan

before taking legal action against a
homeowner.

And the reason for that is simple:

remember, HOAs are private
organizations.

That means that the nation's 350,000
HOAs are largely unregulated.

And the government sees any disputes
as private matters.

The Californias AGs office says that

it does not handle most homeowners
associations complaints.

The Texas secretary of state says that,

No state agency regulates home or
property owners' associations.

And the New York state AG says,

In most cases there is no government
agency

that can help unhappy homeowners
who are having problems with

their homeowners association, adding,
Good luck!

Which is basically just a cute way to
say, You're f*cked!

It's like you're f*cked washed her
hair and put on a little church dress.

And if after all this you're thinking,
Well, I have learned my lesson-

I'll never buy a house in an HOA,

remember over 80% of new homes
that are sold, come with one.

Also, you might not know that you are
dealing with a bad HOA

until it is too late. As in most
places,

you aren't legally required to be
granted access to all of its rules

until after your offer to buy a home
is accepted.

Which seems a bit weird, doesnt it?

If your HOA can see your backyard from
space,

you should probably be able to see your
HOA documents before you sign.

And look, Im not saying that all HOAs
should immediately be gone.

For a start, some people do like
theirs. And besides, right now,

local governments just aren't equipped
to suddenly take over the services like

trash collection or maintenance
that they provide.

But at the very least,

states should be looking for ways to
avoid the worst possible outcome

for homeowners who simply find
themselves in a tough spot,

like mandating HOAs offer payment plans
on unpaid debt

before they take legal action,

and banning foreclosures based solely
on fines, and attorneys fees.

Because at their best,

HOAs are annoying student council
adults

telling you to trim your shrubs
and move your trash cans,

but at their worst
they are glorified debt collectors

with the power to upend your life and
expel people from a neighborhood.

And at absolute minimum, from now on,

HOAs should probably be forced to be
much clearer with people

about what they are potentially getting
themselves into.

Good morning, Stephanie and Chloe.

Hi, there. Welcome to Cedar Paradise.

The moment you purchased your home,

you joined our wonderful homeowners
association,

whether you wanted to or not.

The HOA is here to take care of you.
You give us money,

and in return, we maintain all the
beauty you see around us.

And if you don't pay up, we'll turn
your f*cking life upside down.

So, let me show you the neighborhood!

Here at Cedar Paradise,
each of our lawns requires,

somewhere on the property, one tree,

six three-gallon shrubs, one birdbath,

a garden gnome, a second gnome
for that one to talk to,

a third one they ignore,

one Victorian child playing hopscotch,

and an American flag.

But no benches.

Please! No!

Eat sh*t, Ted!

When you join an HOA,

youre really joining a community that
looks after each other.

And as your elected representative, I
make sure to take a hands-on approach.

Ah, novelty mailbox.

That's a violation.

Oh, yeah.
That's a violation.

Wind chimes. Gross.
Three violations.

Nope. I don't care for that tree.
That's a violation.

Oh, 16 in a 15.

- That's another thousand dollars, Ken!
- f*ck you!

And Ken isn't the only one who
appreciates everything the HOA does.

f*ck the HOA.

Fascist sons of b*tches.

They found my shed by strapping
a GoPro to a raccoon.

A damn raccoon.

Some white people bullshit.

Apparently, my cans are too visible
when they're parked up there,

but you'd have to turn your neck like
this to even see them,

and I don't know what else I'm supposed
to do at this point.

- Ah!
- Hey, Pam.

Cans aren't allowed to go down to the
curb until 4:00 PM on trash day.

It's 3:57.

- How long have you been in there?
- Pam, this is recycle only.

- I know, but-
- Pam.

- I know.
- You know this, Pam.

I know.

No broken glass on the driveway.
That's another fine.

Are you allowed to do that?

There's nothing in the rules that says
I can't.

- These rules are stupid. I don't-
- What did you say?

Nothing. Nothing.
Have a good day.

Bob!?

And, hey, if you fall behind on your
payments, we get it.

We're not monsters.

- Oh, hello.
- I'm here for the debt.

I didn't know I owed anything.

Well, we sent you a $20 fine
three months ago,

and we haven't heard from you since.

Well, here. Heres 20 bucks.

Thank you, but that's not all.
There's this bill now, too.

- Wait, what is this now?
- I'll let our lawyer explain.

And that starts my hour.

- Wait, wait, whered you come from?
- Right there. Now, you've got fees.

Late fees, late late fees,
lawyer fees. That's me.

Fees for this conversation we're having
right now fees,

there's a raccoon fee,
there-there-

- A raccoon fee?
- Yeah. A raccoon fee.

Anyway, it comes to $11,067.38.

- Hey, wait. I-I can't afford that.
- Well, great news, then.

During this conversation,
we foreclosed on your house.

- I just bought it! Oh. Four bucks.
- Wow!

- Can you break a 20?
- Wait, wait. This all feels illegal.

- Oh, that's what's so great about it.
- Yeah! It's not!

- It's not illegal at all.
- Its not! It's completely legal!

- I'm a lawyer!
- He knows!

- I know!
- You know?

- Yes!
- Wait, wait. What the f*ck? Yo! Hey!

Damn, yall are strong!

I never get sick of that.

- XYou want to come into my new house?
- Yeah. Please.

Lets have a drink.

Yeah, let's see what he's got in the
refrigerator.

- Yeah. Good call.
- Oh, there's a lot of fun art.

So, welcome to the HOA.
I think you're going to like it here.

And if you don't, tough nuts, you've
got no other choice.

Bye!

Cedar Paradise. A family community with
impossible standards

That's our show,
thanks so much for watching.

Well see you next week, good night!

Guess whos eating raccoon tonight?

Delicious.

Get away from me!