02x02 - SLTs vs C**LORDs

[bunniefuu]

[modem warbling and beeping]

[keyboard clacking]

[gripping music playing]

That bitch bullied me
from Year 6 to Year 8.

She threw a basketball at my face
because I listen to Ed Sheeran.

She put a prawn in my sleeping bag
in Year 9 camp.

- I only like "Shape of You."
- Hello, darling.

I have received a reward for 5,000 USDT,

but I do not know...

She broke my model.

She broke my girlfriend's model.

She's basically the reason I left Hartley.

She used me for my body.

- f*cking Map.
- She led me on for two years.

She called me a self-righteous hag.

- She told me I look like Gollum.
- She tried to drown me...

- Called me a mayonnaise f*ck.
- Gave me a vag*na wedgie.

She put hot glue in my retainer
during art.

The reason why I turned straight...

...waterboarded me
under the drinking fountain.

[all] Amerie is an arsehole.

- [indistinct chatter]
- [song playing softly over speakers]

- [bell tinkles]
- [sighs]

[Quinni slurping]

Some random calling themselves
"Bird Psycho" started it last night.

It already has 47 comments.

Fifty now.

Some of them might be fake.

You'd never accuse someone
of fingering their dog.

The point of running for captain
was to prove I'm a good person

and I don't have a chance.

Which is why we have to figure out
who Bird Psycho is fast.

According to this thread,

it could be one of 50 people
who think I'm a dumb bitch.

As your vice-captain,
it's my duty to ensure

our campaign runs as smoothly as possible.

I'm launching an official investigation
to unmask the psycho.

What? It makes her happy.

- [cell phone vibrating]
- [sighs]

You can't keep avoiding him.

I can't stop thinking
about what Chook said.

- That's why you need to talk to him.
- And say what?

If he did do it, we are done.

And if he didn't and I accuse him,
we may as well be done.

So you're just gonna avoid
the conversation completely.

[sighs]

What?

- [breathing deeply]
- [man punching and grunting]

[man whistles]

[laughs] Relax, we won't hurt you.

Got orders to leave you be.

Chook wants to talk.

[sniffs] Yeah? What about?

The f*ck do we know?

He wants you to put him
on your visitor list.

He's got a few questions for you.

Your move, bro.

Wouldn't f*ck about.

[foreboding music playing]

[sniffs]

Then we stopped at a service station,
and that's when I ran for it.

[man] So at no point did you actually
ask them to let you out.

No.

[hesitates] I think so. Before that.

You think or you know?

I told them they were going the wrong way.

That's not the same
as being asked to be let out, is it?

[Harper] How is that relevant?

[woman] Harper, we know this is hard,

but these are the questions
they'll ask you,

and it's important that you present
in a manner that's sympathetic.

[man] Your story has to remain the same

between the committal hearing,
the trial and any appeals.

Appeals?

These type of cases are given priority,

but this isn't gonna be over
in six months,

much as we'd all like it to be. [echoing]

[man] Why don't we move on to something
a bit more straightforward?

- We need you... [echoes and fades]
- [Woodsy] Good girl!

- [school bell ringing]
- [Harper grunts] sh*t.

[repeatedly] sh*t.

[pensive music playing]

[sighs] Okay.

Well, I am really glad
to see you all. [chuckles]

I was kind of worried
no one would show up.

And I'm pleased to see some new faces too.

Still your SLTs, Miss.

I thought you'd be too busy
with your campaign

- to make time for sexual literacy.
- [door opens]

- [panting]
- Hey, you okay?

[Jojo] Well, I hope that
making it an elective

means we can have
more constructive and healthy discourse

- about sex and sexual... Yeah?
- Oh!

Now that it's just us girls,

I was thinking maybe we could discuss

why straight men don't know
how to wash their arseholes properly.

- [students laugh]
- I am really glad you stayed, Darren.

Yeah?

I'd like to commend you for inviting
other less sex-obsessed students

into this class to shift it away
from being an echo chamber.

- [Jojo] Oh.
- [quirky music playing]

Thank you.

Come get your cousin, please.

Uh, r*cist much?
Not all Black fellas are related.

Uh, no, she actually is my cousin.

[sighs in relief]

["I Admit My Faults" playing]

[Voss] Since the dawn of time,

the slaughter and butchering
of a wild beast

has been considered a sacred ritual.

And a powerful form of male bonding.

Hunters were the prime drivers
of human evolution.

It's what gave our ancestors bipedalism,

bigger brains, tools.

Real men left the cave
and went out and got the job done.

Yeah, we did.

Are you man enough to get the job done?

Yes, sir.

Hey, farm-core! Found your formal date.

Probably need to buy her dinner
before you finger her though.

That guy has it in for you.

Nah, I think he's just a general tosser.

That's not how we make
our fellow fella feel welcome.

What if he wanted to join us?

I mean, it's true.
Could use a few more lords.

Oi! All right. Come on.

Don't be a nigel. Come check out our pig.

Come on, give him a clap.

[boy 1 whoops]

This is a safe space.

Wanna try some?

So, Rowan,

- wanna join the CUMLORDS?
- [laughs]

Uh, what does that mean?

- Well, it's about making space to be men.
- Yeah.

Letting go of the bullshit,
focusing on what's real.

- Real.
- [Amerie] What the hell is that?

[song stops]

Um, excuse me. I think we've booked out
this space for our values relay.

I believe that
there's plenty of room for both.

But we shouldn't have
to breathe in dead carcass

while we're doing
a school activity, Mr. Voss.

Well, it's a football field,
Ms. Obah, not a arts precinct.

Last time we checked,
it's not a farmer's market, either.

Rack off. This is Lord territory.

- As candidate for SLTs...
- Since when?

...I demand equal access to public spaces.

Well, as a Q-S-M-C-C-A-L-P candidate,

I would like to also add
that this is vegan hate.

Not to mention blatantly
against the rights

of the Hartley High's
Jewish and Muslim students.

Is it even halal?

[boy 2] Can pig be halal?

Get that pig off the oval.

Why don't we get this pig
off the oval first?

- The f*ck did you say?
- [boys laugh]

[dramatic music playing]

This is a prime example
of your PC feelings group

invading sports spaces
under the guise of gender equality.

Okay, so you're saying
sports spaces are male spaces?

- Well, they're your words, not mine.
- [Spider snorting]

All I'm trying to do
is lead these young men back to basics.

There's a dead pig on the oval.

And if you have
a problem with it, Ms. Obah,

take it up with Principal Woods.

Oh, well, thank you, Mr. Voss. I will.

[Ant] Chill.

[Jojo] Amerie. Oh, God.

It's better she hears
both sides of the story.

Grab a sandwich and, uh,
and join me quickly.

[Rowan clears throat]

So, you're a Cumlord now?

Apparently.

You know Spider's a d*ck, right?

Can't be worse than the AV club.

Those kids are weird.

Plus, this pig is pretty good.

It does smell pretty good.

[mellow music playing]

[Woodsy] If this is about
the comments thread,

the IT guy is on paternity leave

and I've been on the phone
for the last hour

- to the Internet provider...
- [Spider] Ham sandwich?

- It's homemade.
- That's a bribe.

- Amerie...
- It's literally pork-barreling.

It's a tasty treat
the boys and I whipped up

as part of their outdoor activity program.

Thank you very much.
I am very peckish, as it happens.

- [whines]
- [mutters, muffled] Oh!

That's really nice.

- What's your secret?
- Cum-in.

If we could get away
from the topic of cum,

- that'd be great.
- CUMLORDS!

[Woodsy] Thank you, Anthony.
Helpful as always.

What is the problem?

I'm concerned that Mr. Voss
and his man squad

feel like they've got a monopoly
on all the sport spaces.

It's not my fault
nobody watches women's sports.

That's not true.

Boys are sportier, all right?
It's basic science.

No, it's gendered bullshit.

The eradication of which
is one of my main campaign points.

They're using the football ovals
to make tedious political points.

I'm not sure what roasting a pig has to do
with any kind of educational curriculum.

- Well done.
- If you give a man a fish,

he'll be hungry the next day.

- But if you teach a man to fish...
- It's a pig.

Okay, if the boys think
that they're so sporty,

why don't we face off?

Game of footy.
Winner gets pick of the sports spaces.

All right, you're on.

Get ready to watch and learn how
a real athlete uses her body.

Move that pig
and we'll see you on the oval

mid-day tomorrow.

- [students chattering]
- Sharp.

Okay. Out, out, out,
out, out, out, out, out.

- Plenty more beast where that came from.
- Thank you, Timothy.

[quirky music playing]

Yum.

- Mmm! [smacks lips] Very yummy.
- [whining]

- [music fades]
- [students chattering]

- Is it straight? I can't tell.
- I wanna get campaign badges made.

Do people still wear badges?

I'd happily pin your face
anywhere on my body.

- Anywhere?
- Mm-hmm.

You can't make the SLTs your platform.

Why not? I'm "Map bitch."

I basically created SLTs.

Uh, you're claiming credit
for what we all made happen.

And if you still think you're in the race

after what everyone's saying about you
and the Bird Psycho thread,

- you're out of your mind.
- What thread?

That's not even a thing.

[Sasha] Fifty-seven comments?

Are you kidding me?
You're political poison.

Do you really think people are gonna vote

for someone who chucked a sh*t
in an Ikea display toilet?

You're splitting the vote.

If both of us run, you're basically
handing the captaincy to Spider.

Definitely food for thought,
Sasha, thank you so much.

That Bird Psycho thread is right.

You really are a selfish bitch!

[clicks, whirrs]

So, you and Amerie are back together then?

Oh, I'm not buying into the sh*t
people are posting about it.

I'm not talking about that.

What about the other stuff
we talked about?

Are you just going to ignore that?

[indistinct chatter]

- [sniffs] Yep, pretty much.
- [Missy] Nice.

- Real healthy.
- Hmm.

It's up to 68 comments. I'm a monster.

You're just an equal opportunity arsehole.

The good news is,
if we trace back the data to Year 7,

we have a very clear list of suspects.

[quirky music playing]

Where do I even start with this?

Who the hell is Maureen Takada?

You egged her
when she got out of hospital.

Oh, my God.

She just got her appendix out.

I mean, come on, drama queen.

We have to systematically
work through the list

and figure out who had the most capacity
to airdrop the photo.

I plan on going and interrogating
our first suspect tonight.

Who wants to come with me?

- [clears throat]
- [music stops]

[Quinni] Suit yourself. The sooner
we figure out who Bird Psycho is,

the sooner we can
get your campaign back on track.

[Harper] Am, relax.

Malakai knows you're a good person.

How could he after all this? [sighs]

I just need to block out
all the negative noise

and show him that I'm actually
a big ol' sweetheart.

A sweetheart he wants to bang a lot.

Aw! Romantic.

Okay, cool.
So basically lock him in a room

until he accepts you're a great person?

[upbeat music playing]

I love you.

[man, unenthusiastically]
Welcome to Mystify Escape Rooms.

Exciting twists and turns
await you in this thrilling adventure.

Oh, no! Miss Honey Doo's toy shop

has been overrun
with inexplicable happenings.

You, our trusty paranormal detectives

are hereby requested to solve the mystery.

Fill out these public liability forms
for legal purposes

and return them to the desk
when you're ready.

Maybe Detectives Wadia and Mitchell
can also solve the mystery

of who's saying sh*t about you.

Can we just not talk about that for a bit?

[muffled mysterious music playing
over speakers]

Hey, it's Rowan.

Oh! Farm-core! Didn't recognize him
without his leather chaps.

Is something an arsehole would say,
which I am not.

We should ask him to join us.

Might not be too late
to save him from the Cumbuds.

Absolutely.

- [door opens]
- Rowan! Rowan, over here.

Hey, thought you'd be
training with the CUMLORDS for tomorrow.

[Rowan] No, I had work.
I just finished my shift.

Oh, perfect.

Me and Malakai were about to go in.
Why don't you come with us?

Uh, no, that's cool.

- I'll suck at it.
- Don't worry, I'll help you.

It'll be so much fun.

Well, well, if it isn't Houdini.

Starting to think you were dead.

Alive and kicking.

So there's some other reason
you haven't been taking Dougie's calls.

Dougie needs all the support
he can get in that sh*thole.

Not some flibbertigibbet who ditches him
the minute he gets a better offer.

It's not like that.

Oh? How is it then, Darren?

Enlighten me.

Because the last I heard,
you told my grandson you loved him.

But the minute he needed you,
you disappeared.

I'm sorry. It's just... [inhales]

...been a lot.

[scoffs] Don't know why
you're crying to me about it.

Maybe... you can tell him.

[sighs]

[exhales]

Whatever you're feeling about Dougie,

it's none of my business.

But you at least owe him an explanation.

Don't leave the poor bugger
wondering what went wrong.

Can I get a lift?

Uh, have you heard the term jailbait?

[quirky music playing]

[Malakai and Rowan chattering]

[Malakai snaps fingers] $5.98.

Okay, so that matches the number
on the creepy doll's foot.

- [Malakai] Mmm.
- Now put that code into the cash register.

- [keys clicking]
- [mechanism rattles]

[cash register dings]

Oh, we've got a key, people.

- Yup!
- [Amerie] Yeah.

[Malakai] Did anyone see a lock?

Oh, what about behind the doll's house?

Uh, yeah. I am pretty sure
that's bolted to the wall.

- Oh, found it.
- [Malakai] Nice.

Let's see if it fits.

Could you grab the map
from the other room? We might need it.

[Rowan] Crank...

[Malakai] Oh. Oh! Is that it?

- [mechanism cranks, clangs]
- [door opens]

- Hey, over here.
- Oh.

I love how
we just have fun like this together.

- [loud thud]
- Don't you?

Hey! Open up. Hey!

- [Malakai] It's locked.
- [sighs]

[Malakai] Try the crank again.

[man over speaker] Room two,

if you split the team,
you need to find a secret password

to reopen the trapdoor
and proceed with the game.

Any hints?

[man] It's not behind the dollhouse.

["Red Flags" by Mwayz playing]

♪ They tryna get close ♪

♪ Get uhh
Get ♪

♪ Oh, I see the flags are red ♪

♪ They tryna get close
To see our recipe to bread ♪

♪ They must be broke
They had to feel now they fed ♪

♪ They must be what? ♪

♪ They must be down
And your squad they hear the rez ♪

♪ I don't owe no one no money
I don't play no hide-and-seek ♪

♪ I only f*ckin' with my real ones
All my brothers push like leach ♪

[song fades]

[indistinct chatter]

[sniffs, chuckles]

Kind of suits you actually.

I think that's actually my shirt
and my whole kit.

I think it is.

[sniffs]

Could've answered my calls.

I know, I'm sorry.

I guess you're busy
with your real life now.

You're my real life.

[somber music playing]

[sniffles] So, where have you been?

- I needed some time to think.
- About what?

About... [sighs] all of this.

Why you're in here.

I... I told you the truth, Darren.
I don't know what else...

I know what you told me. It's just...

[sighs]

There's all these other parts of you
that I still don't understand,

and I want to.

What else is there to work out?

I told you everything about that night.

Did you?

All of it?

- You can tell me the truth.
- I am telling you the truth.

Why do you suddenly think
I'm bullshitting?

I don't know. I just...

I need to know you weren't...

What? What? That I wasn't in on it?

If you think that I'm capable
of doing what they did to Harper,

I don't know why you're here.

Please don't get angry. [breath trembling]

I love you.

How can you love me
if you think I'm that kind of person?

We're done here.

[footsteps receding]

[music fades]

[door opens]

[door closes]

[mysterious music playing over speakers]

[Amerie] I think one of the dolls
just winked at me.

You're pretty good at escape rooms, eh?

Am I?

'Cause it seems like
I got us stuck in here.

Well, you know, I meant before that.

[whimsical music playing]

Well, this guy I dated for a bit
was really into 'em.

So I guess I picked up a few tricks.

Right. Right.

So, you... you... you date guys.

Uh, not just guys.

Are you gonna be weird about it?
I left that sh*t behind in Dubbo.

No. Not at all. No way.

I mean, I actually had
a threesome with a guy once, you know?

[chuckles nervously]
It was pretty gay, so...

Oh, well, my hat is off to you, sir.

[Malakai chuckles] Hmm.

[Amerie] Guys, I think I found
the dagger of fortune!

- [both grunt]
- But it could just be a weird pen.

I am so sorry.

I had no idea it would suck that hard.

- Ah, it was fun.
- Yeah, we k*lled it.

Oh? So should we go get some food?

Uh, yeah, yeah.
Did you wanna grab some food?

Actually, I'm pretty tired.
Maybe we should just get going.

Yeah, I gotta bail anyway.

Thanks for the random time.

See you on the field tomorrow.

Yay! I'll book us an Uber.

- Yeah.
- Mmm.

[bell buzzes]

[Darren sniffles]

[keys jangling]

[Nan sighs]

Nobody's forcing you to do this.

We'll get on with our lives

whatever you decide to do.

But don't be so quick
to give up on Dougie.

I guess it's just...

We haven't really known each other
for that long,

in the scheme of things.

[Nan] Huh.

Now it's over. It's...

[duck quacking]

Ah.

Do you know how we ended up with Darude?

The duck?

Dougie's uncle's got a...

Well, they call it a farm,

but I think
they're out there cooking meth.

As cover there's all these bloody animals.

Chooks, horses, pigs.

Place stinks.

We're out there one day
and Dougie's knee-high to a grasshopper,

and there's all these
little ducklings around.

His cousin's about to drown them.

Dougie just goes real quiet.

Slinks up to me, tears in his eyes,

and he asks me
if we can't take all of them.

"Oh, don't be a dickhead," I say.
"We live in a council house."

And he puts his little hand
in mine and says,

"Nan, if we could just save one."

[gentle music playing]

For all his f*ck ups...

[sighs]

...that boy can't stand the idea
of another living creature suffering.

That's what I know about him.

Anyway.

That's how we ended up with a bloody duck.

[engine starts, revs]

[quacking]

♪ Hiwaves lil baby ♪

[Malakai] This any good?

Haven't read it.

Come sit down.

Oh, I just wanna stretch my back out.

That room was like super cramped.

I can give you a massage.

No, no, no.
I think I need to roll it out maybe.

You have a little ball,
like a tennis ball?

No, but if it takes your mind off it,
I can massage your balls.

[chuckles nervously]

I'm waiting.

♪ Hiwaves lil baby ♪

What if your brother and sister hear us?

It's a learning experience.

That's gross.

♪ Don't be sad ♪

[Harper sighs] I can't do this.

[pensive music playing]

[keyboard clacking]

[dishes clanking]

[Yasmin] This thread is sick.

Reckon Amerie really
k*lled someone's budgie?

Put your phone down
and do something productive.

What's "Legal Aid"?

[sighs] It's when you're a povvo loser
and you can't afford a lawyer.

Hey, you're not povvo loser.

- [Malakai] What's your problem, Amerie?
- [Amerie] Because you always...

What is that?

[Amerie and Malakai continue arguing]

[loudly] Hey, but what if they're
about to do sex stuff?

Exactly.

You've been weird all day.
It's so obvious what's going on.

You think I'm a bitch 'cause
of the Bird Psycho thread.

Amerie, I've already told you
I don't care about that.

There are other things going on in my life
that's not about your drama.

Like what? Like what?

Huh? [sighs]

If you don't care
then why are you shutting me out?

See, you do care. I knew it.

This is just so typical of you.

You're making drama out of nothing.

All I wanted was
to just hang out, stress-free.

There was no stress. Where's the stress?

- What do we call this?
- You being a fuckwit.

Honestly, I just...
I really don't need this right now.

[sputtering] What the hell?

[door opens, slams shut]

[loudly] I said I'd do it
and so I'm doing it!

[in normal voice] Ugh, stupid idiot.

Sasha, not so fast.

[suspenseful jazz music playing]

What are you doing here?

Do you have a reasonable alibi
for the time of 8:20 p.m.,

the previous evening?

- What?
- Where were you last night?

Recording this, by the way. [sighs]
It's protocol.

[automated voice] Recording.

I was at the movies.
Not that it's any of your business.

Is there anyone who can verify that?

You're not coming inside.

- What movie were you seeing?
- Cowspiracy.

I'm literally never speaking
to anyone who eats cheese ever again.

- What time was the session?
- 7:45.

[whispers] Are you okay?

We'll be in touch.

[Sasha] Okay.

[suspenseful music crescendos, fades]

[indistinct chatter]

[quirky music playing]

This is serious sh*t, Lords.

Today is about more than just the ball.

Yeah?

- Today the ball is a metaphor for...
- For our balls!

Yeah, yeah, for our balls.

You gonna let a bunch of SLTs
kick you in the balls?

[boys] No!

No. Today is about protecting our manhood.

- Yeah!
- Yeah?

'Cause a win today
is a step towards a win in the election.

So that I can finally
make our voices heard,

- so we can be free to be who we are.
- [boys cheer]

Are we gonna let these knuckleheads

- rob us of our basic school rights?
- [girls] No!

[Amerie] We have just as much of a right
to sports facilities as those dickheads.

This bullshit idea that men get
first dibs on sports grounds

- just 'cause they got dicks.
- Transphobic, but...

- Are we gonna stand for that?
- [girls] No.

- I said, are we going to stand for that?
- [girls] No!

Okay. So get out there and give 'em hell.

[students chattering and cheering]

Oi, are we gonna talk about
what happened yesterday?

There's nothing to say.

[Amerie] I don't understand
why we're fighting.

Can you just talk to me?

Do we have to unpack
our feelings every day?

You sound exactly like
one of those Cumlord idiots.

Maybe they're on to something.

If you love them so much, join them.

- Maybe I will.
- Maybe you should.

Know what?

Great idea.

[pensive music playing]

[Voss] Pass him the ball.

What's happened there?

[Amerie sighs]

[music fades]

He can't do that.

Nice one. Welcome.

Oi.

Check it out.

Oiled myself up in pig's fat.

[quirky music playing]

[exhales] No one's gonna tackle me.

It's non-contact, you dickhead.

[chuckles softly]

Come on, boys.

I can go mid if Malakai's out.

Oh. Actually, Harps...

Um... We're cool if you sit this one out?

- What?
- [Missy] You sure you wanna play?

Yeah. Why?

You know, men running at you
might be a little bit triggering.

No, I'm playing.

If anything,
those shitheads should be scared of me.

- ["Just What You Feelin" playing]
- [whistle blows]

[crowd cheering]

Allez, SLTs!

[Ant] CUMLORDS rule!

[both grunt]

[Spider] Harper! Don't touch her.
She'll put you in jail.

- [boys laugh]
- [girl] Harper, you moll.

[crowd cheering]

[Woodsy] Nice and fair.

- Go, Amerie Wadia!
- Stay on him, Amerie! Stay on him!

[Voss] Come on.

He said, "Comprehensive understanding
of masculinity,

and that L means love."

I think.

Or maybe it was "learning."

The whole thing is ridiculous.

[both grunt]

Is this really an appropriate form
of conflict resolution?

[Spider] Go!

What the f*ck?

- [Spider] Is she crying?
- [boy 1] Get off the field, bitch!

[indistinct chatter]

[players shouting]

Come on, Spider.

Put it in! I wanna see effort.

[crowd cheering]

[boy 2] That bitch Harper's a whore!

[boy 3] f*ck off, slut!

[boy 4] Crazy bitch!

[Harper] Oh, f*ck this.

[dramatic music playing]

- [Harper yells]
- [groans]

- [Ant] Dude!
- [blows whistle]

Get her off.

- [whistle blowing]
- Okay. Hold this.

- [referee] Break it up!
- [Harper yelling]

[Woodsy] Oh.

[sobbing]

[groaning]

Thank you. Take five, eh?

f*cking psycho.

[Ant groaning]

Don't need a breather. I'm fine.

Oh, okay.
So, tell me why were you just trying

to k*ll Anthony Vaughn
with your bare hands?

What is going on, Harper?

You... You're standing there
telling me you're all well and good.

But that girl I just saw on the field
was carrying some pretty major rage.

- [voice breaking] So?
- So...

I'm trying to help that girl
and she won't let me.

Do you really wanna help me?

[sniffling]

Stop everyone from treating me
like I'm made of glass.

Give me some money
so I can get some proper clothes

to wear to this trial
so I don't look like a bag-of-sh*t victim.

Or give me a car so I don't have to catch
two buses to get to my lawyer's office.

Or give me lawyers
who don't call me unsympathetic.

Or get me a place to stay so I don't
have to occupy space at Amerie's house.

How does that sound?

[Harper sobbing]

["House Of Jealous Lovers"
by The Rapture playing]

Sasha's lying.
Cowspiracy came out in 2017.

No one is screening it.
She's hiding something.

[Darren] So what's in
your trash bag of treasures?

Someone in that household is using
excessive hemorrhoid cream.

Oh, my God. Give me!

[chuckles] Thank you, Sasha.

Come on, SLTs!

♪ House of jealous lovers ♪

[whistle blows]

Come on, Lords. Thirty seconds left.

- Get it out of there.
- Come on, come on.

Up, up, up!

["Blak Britney" by Miss Kaninna playing]

♪ I'm a deadly bitch ♪

♪ A Black Britney Spears ♪

♪ I'm a deadly bitch ♪

♪ A Black Britney Spears ♪

♪ And I'ma tell 'em what they wanna hear ♪

♪ Ha, downshift third gear ♪

- [grunts]
- [girl] Come on, play that!

- [Quinni] Come on, Missy!
- [Darren] Come on, Missy!

["The Best" by Tina Turner playing]

♪ You're simply the best ♪

[all cheering]

Yes!

♪ Better than all the rest ♪

[whistle blows]

♪ Better than anyone ♪

♪ Anyone I've ever met ♪

♪ Ooh, you're the best ♪

[Spider grunts]

[cheering]

[song fades]

Well done.

[school bell ringing]

No, I think we should
take over the showers.

Let them wash their nuts in the dunnies.

[laughs] Did you see their faces?

- Dumb Lords.
- Literally!

It's great that the conflict was resolved
through physical methods,

but there are plenty of other safe spaces
in school that we can...

[laughs]

Something to add, Zoe?

Well, is this a safe space?

I'd hope so.

Or is it just a space
that encourages teens to have sex?

[Jojo] I wouldn't say that.

Uh, I'm sorry, Miss,

but I think Zoe and her Puritans
are in the wrong class.

We're sex positive here.

Yeah, I'm sex positive too.

Positive that meaningless sex
leaves you feeling like sh*t.

- Speak for yourself.
- [Zoe] I am actually.

I've gone... [chuckles] 56 days

and I feel amazing.

No masturbation, no sex.

- What is that?
- [Zoe] It's all over TikTok,

that celibacy improves
mental clarity and energy levels...

I saw a TikTok that says
orgasms actually improve

the immune system
and cardiovascular health.

If we could all stop taking
medical advice from TikTok,

that would be great.

I'm happier,
I have a stronger sense of self-worth.

I'm in a committed relationship.
Felix. He's in Year 12.

He's not going to get to see my naked body

until I'm sure he's in love
with my naked soul.

Give me a break.

It's the reason, uh, I don't get into
the sort of unfortunate situations

that some other girls
have found themselves in.

- f*ck off, Zoe.
- Watch your mouth.

Let her keep talking.

[Zoe scoffs] I'm just saying,
if you've made it no secret

that you're the kind of girl
that has threesomes,

has zero sense of self worth
and fucks other people's boyfriends...

Then what? Huh?

[Jojo] Hey, okay, that's enough.

[tense music playing]

[softly] Bye.

[Missy] I'm all about defending mob

but you're making it
f*cking hard right now.

Hmm, guess not all skinfolk are kinfolk.

Yeah, and my mom wants
her f*cking scone recipe back.

Why have you got
to bring this up every time?

It is a family recipe, and you know that.

[groans softly]

[Harper] Are you okay?

- Mom?
- [chuckles] It's Harper.

Come to kick me in the nuts,

I'll scream for the nurse.

Shut up.

[grunts, sniffs]

Oh, I'm sorry
I rammed your head into the dirt.

That's okay.

Everyone keeps tiptoeing around me

like I'm some kind of freak,
and I just want to be normal.

Like, go to a party

and smoke some STIGs and vomit in a bush
and hook up with someone I shouldn't.

So... I guess I kind of lashed out.

[clicks tongue] That's totally fair.

["Hopefulessness" by Courtney Barnett
playing]

Oh, if you're, um...
wondering why I'm so oily,

it's just pig's fat.

[chuckles]

Actually, I was thinking
you look kind of hot all greased up.

♪ I don't wanna... ♪

Oh.

♪ I don't wanna know ♪

[song fades]

- I don't know if this is a good idea.
- Why?

- You seem kind of, uh...
- Kind of what?

Unstable.

Oh. Um...

Sorry. Maybe that was
a sh*t choice of words.

- [clears throat]
- Maybe you're not

in the right headspace or something?

I want to, Harper.

Really.

I just, um...

I just don't think you really want to.

And like I remember when Jojo said, uh,

when it comes to consent, you know,

you have to take in
the whole context of the situation,

not just the words
coming out of someone's mouth.

Wow, Ant.

Look at you being the good guy for once.

- ["Make It Up" by Tirzah playing]
- [breathing heavily]

SLTs run the oval now.

Might go take a nap on it.

Good to know you'll make
the best use of it after that.

Piss off.

Hey, uh, you were, uh...

You were actually
really good out there today.

Seriously.

Okay.

Bye-bye, dickhead. Jog on.

Ah.

[music fades]

[meat thuds]

[indistinct chatter]

I have no idea what's going on,
but I deserve to know.

Do you want to be with me or not?

It shouldn't be a hard question.

I mean...

I really care about you, Amerie.

I... I do. I just...

There's all this other sh*t going on and,

- like, none of it's... It's not gelling.
- [scoffs]

[Malakai] No, please.

I...

What if we just took it slow for a bit?

You know, like, keep it casual.

No labels or anything for a bit.

Yeah?

[pensive music playing]

Um... Yeah.

- Okay.
- Yeah? Thank you.

I knew you'd understand.

[hesitates, sighs]

[music fades]

[toilet flushes]

- Does this mean anything to you?
- [suspenseful jazz music playing]

You scared the sh*t out of me.
What do you want?

Just answer the question.

It's a receipt.

Exactly. A receipt that I ran through
Google Translate.

A receipt for a place called Lucky Duck,

which is an Internet café in Maroubra.

The perfect place to start a common thread
on an IP address that can't be tracked.

I have to admire you're cunning,
but the game's up. [sighs]

Is... is that what this is about?

You think I started that thread?

You have motive.

- Amerie's your competition.
- Yeah, but I'm not a psycho.

Anyway, Google Translate sucks.

This says, "Good Luck Duck."

"Good Luck Duck."

It's a restaurant in Matraville.

This phrase means
steamed greens with garlic sauce.

So what's the charge?

Eating a meal?

A succulent Chinese meal?

But why did you lie and say
you went to the movie theater?

Good Luck Duck.

- You're supposed to be a vegan.
- I am. I am.

But you haven't lived
until you've tasted that duck, Quinni.

Plus I only go, like, once a year.

You're not Bird Psycho.

You're just a hypocrite.

Please don't tell anyone.

[toilet flushes]

[faint laughter]

[door closes]

[indistinct chatter]

I just crossed off Sasha
as a suspect for Bird Psycho.

Oh. Right, cool.

Which means that I only have
seven names left on my red list.

My red list is all of my prime suspects.

- [gasps]
- [foreboding music playing]

[Quinni] What? [gasps]

[Amerie] "Sometimes you need to walk
through the fire to be reborn."

What does it mean?

It means Bird Psycho's
not done with me yet.

[suspenseful music playing]

[Chook] I've decided to forgive you.

Anyone else ratted on us the way you did,
they'd be f*cking gone.

[chuckles]

sh*t, man. I get it.

Some sh*t went down.
Emotions are running high.

You f*cked up.

End of the day, lad...

you and me have been
through too much sh*t together

to let this come between us.

We're family.

Other people don't give a sh*t, Ca$h.

You think they do,
but they won't hang around.

Me and you,

we show up for each other. [chuckles]

[chuckles]

Come on, lad. Smile, man.

- [breathes deeply]
- [music fades]

When this is all over, I'm gonna be
waiting to welcome you home.

[chuckles nervously]

Do you reckon people would be
angry at me if I dropped the case?

People are always
gonna be angry about some sh*t.

- [sighs]
- This is your life, Harps. Nobody else's.

You don't need
to defend yourself to anybody.

Who cares what anyone else thinks?

I only care what you think.

[chuckles] Well, that's good
because you're my hero.

[Harper chuckles]

So,

what do you want?

I... [sighs]

...wanna put this behind me
and get on with my life.

I wanna drop the case.

Well, there you go.

[gentle music playing]

sh*t, that's big.

Massive.

Too massive for now.
What's going on with Malakai?

Oh, God, no. You don't need to hear me
bang on about that boring crap.

With everything that's going on,

I just wanna talk about
stupid teenage stuff again.

So spill. Every tiny, boring detail.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

The more basic, the better.

[Amerie chuckles] Okay, well...

[gentle music continues]

[music fades]

- [Rowan] Oh. Hey.
- Hey.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I was... [chuckles] I was just, um...

I just really...

I... I wanted some... some wood.

[whimsical music playing]

Well, uh, you've come to the right place.

We've got some structural timbers here.

- Mm-hmm.
- Your balsas, your mahoganies.

The pine here is the most common
for house framing...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...if that's what you were looking for.

But I feel you don't care about that.

[chuckles] I...

I don't know why I'm here.

I just...

I guess I... I wanted to see you.

[chuckles]

Well, here I am.

Ah, yes. Yes, you are.

[indistinct chatter]

[pensive music playing]

[cell phone chimes]

All right, so ethically,

I can't give you money
or a house or a car,

but I am going to teach you how to fish.

What?

It's just something
somebody said to me recently.

Okay, don't get too enthusiastic
with that pedal

when we hit the freeway.

- I've already got two demerit points.
- [chuckles]

So, um, so are you happy
with... with your decision?

Yeah, I'm really happy.

That's all that matters then.

I know people were all amped
for me going to court, but...

[breathes deeply]

I want my life to be about something else.

Yeah, it's a powerful choice,
and nobody can make it but you.

[gentle music playing]

All right. And no burnout,
thank you, Harper.

[engine starts]

- [Woodsy exhales deeply]
- [laughs]

[Woodsy] You have it with me.
Oh! Oh! Okay. Yeah.

Doing good. Doing great.

Doing... Oh! Okay!

- [engine revs]
- Oh, oh!

- [bell buzzes]
- [door opens]

[sniffs]

♪ I was lying on the grass
On Sunday morning of last week ♪

♪ Indulging in my self-defeat ♪

♪ My mind was thugged
All laced and bugged ♪

♪ All twisted wrong and b*at ♪

♪ A comfortable in three feet deep ♪

♪ I know it's up for me ♪

♪ If you steal my sunshine ♪

♪ Making sure I'm not in too deep ♪

♪ If you steal my sunshine ♪

♪ Keeping versed and on my feet ♪

♪ If you steal my sunshine ♪

♪ My sunshine ♪

♪ If you steal my sunshine ♪

[upbeat music playing]