01x03 - The Head

[bunniefuu]

[Betty] I know
we're all hurting right now.

But our priority has to be to maintain

the security of this Vault.

[Norm] They don't want to find Dad.

If they did,
they wouldn't get to be in charge.

[Lucy] I'm bringing him home.

Hit him again!

[grunts]

- [roaring]
- [Titus] Oh! sh**t it!

You stupid m*therf*cker,
you know this is all your fault.

They'll k*ll you for this.

[Maximus] Not if I bring back the target.

[Wilzig] You can change the future

if you can bring me to Moldaver.

Just my head.

You are a vault dweller,

but if you're going to survive,

you need to start acting
like a surface dweller.

Question is,

will you still want the same things...

...when you have become
a different animal altogether?

[western music playing]

[man grunting]

♪ ♪

[villain] Please, sir.

Please, sir, please.

There's an old Mexican eulogy.

Feo fuerte y formal.

Means he was ugly, strong,

and had dignity.

Well, Joey,

I'll give you
two out of three on that front.

[whimpering]

Do I really have to k*ll him?

- [director] Cut.
- [bell rings]

Emil, can you come over here?
I got to talk to you for a second.

Yeah, here you go.

That was a hell of a day, Jorge.
That was a great scene.

Listen, I got to talk to you
about these, these new pages, you know?

I mean, I-I'm the sheriff, right?

Well, why can't I just arrest the guy
like I normally do?

- That's what I do. All right.
- The au... the audience, Coop, yeah?

They already know you're a good man.

They want to see that even a good man

- as yourself can be driven too far sometimes.
- Yeah, I understand that.

But that's not really my thing,
you know, Emil, that's not what I do.

I mean, is Bob,
is Bob around here anywhere?

- Bob's been fired, Coop.
- What?

Studio fired him.

Why?

See, turns out...

Bob's a bit of a communist.

- A communist? Cadillac Bob?
- Yeah.

Cadillac Bob! The very one.

- Well, what a shame, he was such a great writer.
- Terrible shame.

One of the best, but he had to go.

Which is why this movie is so important.

- Right.
- You see, it's a new kind of western.

The power of the individual
when the chips are down.

The new America,
it's why I'm telling you, so...

that's why it'd be
really great if you could just...

sh**t Jorge in the f*cking head, yeah?

- Please. 'Cause out here...
- Right.

...it's just you, your g*n,
and your personal code bringing order

- to the Wild Wild West!
- Yeah. Uh, hey, let's, uh,

let's pick this up after lunch, all right?

You gonna save any of
that grape taffy for the rest of us?

It's not grape. It's lavender.

Well, if you like the taste of lavender,

why not just drink a bottle of perfume?

You know, a lot of people like
to write it off as some old lady flavor,

but it's subtle.

Flirtatious.

Tastes like someone touching you
for the first time.

Well, may I?

Mm.

- Um, that's the worst thing...
- [laughs]

...I've ever put in my mouth.

- That's horrible.
- Taffy?

Um, you got to ask your mother.

- Please, Mommy?
- Sure, sweetheart.

Oh, wow.

Unbelievable. Hey.

Mm.

Oh, sorry, makeup.

Sorry, lipstick.

I'll take it.

- Okay, we should get going.
- All right.

Photographer's ready and waiting.

Okay, what is this?

A bit of a costume change
for you, Mr. Howard.

Ah, okay.

Oh, look at that.

They even made it in your color.

Let's see if it fits.

Okay, Janey.

Let's go.

Come on, here. Come here.

[conversing indistinctly]

[intriguing music playing]

♪ ♪

[coughs]

[coughing]

[spits]

[coughs]

[coughs]

[wheezes]

[suspenseful music playing]

[CX404 whimpers]

Come on, let's go find the rest of him.

[clucking tongue]

[CX404 barks]

[barks]

♪ ♪

[♪ The Ink Spots: "Maybe"]

♪ Maybe ♪

♪ You'll think of me ♪

♪ When you are all ♪

♪ Alone ♪

♪ Maybe ♪

♪ The one who is waiting ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Will prove untrue ♪

♪ Then what will ♪

♪ You do? ♪

♪ Maybe ♪

♪ You'll sit and sigh...

All right.

What is so special about you?

♪ Were near...

Ow!

♪ Maybe ♪

♪ You'll...

Ow!

Okay, okay.

Keep your secrets, sir.

♪ Are all...

Just in case.

To keep you extra safe.

♪ Who is waiting for you...

Hmm.

♪ Will prove untrue...

Huh.

♪ Then what will I do? ♪

There.

Snug as a bug. [chuckles]

[sighs]

[clears throat]

♪ Wishing that I ♪

♪ Were near ♪

♪ Then ♪

♪ Maybe...

Boy, that knight
really was something, huh?

♪ Come back...

I wonder who he was?

♪ And maybe ♪

♪ I'll say ♪

♪ Maybe ♪♪

[chickens clucking]

[comms officer] Knight Titus.

Knight Titus.

Knight Titus!

[deeper voice] This is Knight Titus.

Over.

This is Petty Officer Shortsight.

You missed your check-in.

We were att*cked, uh,

by an abomination.

My squire, he fell in battle.

He d*ed with honor.

And glory.

Copy that. We'll get you
a replacement squire right away.

No! No, I'm okay.

- All good here.
- It's not a problem.

We got plenty of squires.

No.

Yeah, uh...

I'll be right back.

[suspenseful music plays]

[indistinct chatter]

[metallic echo] I can fix it.

Cost you five caps.

[intense music playing]

[caps jingling]

Uh, could you do it for four?

No.

[intriguing music playing]

It's extra if you do it fast.

Thanks.

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

Fack! [grunts]

Step away from the armor.

[laughing]

Kick the sh*t out of him.

[grunting]

Finders keepers.

Milord.

[laughs]

Let's get her open... Open it, open it!

What are you doing, you f*ckin' moron?!

It's righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.

[Tom laughs]

[energetic music playing]

[Tom] Ah-ha! f*ck with me now!

- [laughter]
- [chatter]

[♪ Johnny Cash: "So Doggone Lonesome"]

♪ I do my best to hide
this lowdown feeling ♪

♪ I try to make believe
there's nothing wrong ♪

♪ But they're always asking me
about you, darling ♪

♪ And it hurts me so
to tell 'em that you're gone ♪

[grunting]

- ♪ If they ask me, I guess I'd be denying...
- f*ck him up! [laughs]

Whoo! My f*ckin' armor!

[grunting]

f*ck him up. f*ck him up. [laughs]

[gasps]

[grunts]

[screaming]

[grunts]

[nearby rumbling]

No! No, no, no, no, no, no... [grunts]

[automated voice] No cause
for alarm, citizens.

This is a Brotherhood delivery.

No cause for alarm, citizens...

[intense music playing]

[grunts]

Knight Titus.

I am Thaddeus.

And I am honored to be in your charge.

I vow to protect and serve you
however you deem fit.

My Lord,

have I said something wrong?

I do not know what I have done to offend,

but I beg for mercy!

Please. Please.

Please, please...

Knight Titus!

Please! I-I'll do anything!

[chuckles]

[distorted] Arise, my squire.

And clean this.

Of course, Knight Titus.

I also bring new orders
from the Elder Cleric.

Uh, which I humbly relay.

Mm.

We're not the only ones in search
of this remnant from the old world.

The Elder Cleric says

whoever gets the target

will control the Wasteland.

And, uh...

we are to k*ll whomever stands in our way.

[Maximus] Understood.

[gentle music playing]

[chuckles softly]

♪ ♪

You like grass?

Hi.

[low growling]

- [creature roars]
- [fawn screeches]

[low growl]

[roars]

[water splashes]

[panting]

[rad meter peaking]

[g*n cocks]

Huh.

[exhales]

Hello again.

Where is it?

- The head.
- [whimpering]

[CX404 barks]

[exhales]

No.

Okay, okay, I-I don't know

where it is, okay? I lost it.

I lost it.

[laughs]

Huh.

Huh.

A Gulper got it, huh?

- [♪ The Ink Spots: "We'll Meet Again"]
- ♪ We'll meet again ♪

♪ Don't know where...

[sobbing in distance]

♪ Don't know when ♪

♪ But I know we'll meet again ♪

♪ Some sunny day...

You okay?

Yeah. I'm being reassigned.

The whole "opening the Vault door
for Lucy" thing

didn't sit too well
with the Council, so...

I guess I'm not Gate-Keeper anymore.

It's not a big deal.

♪ Till the blue skies
drive the dark clouds...

I'm just not really sure
who I even am anymore.

Sorry, I...

♪ Meet again...

Mm.

♪ Don't know where ♪

♪ Don't know when...

[Chet crying]

Norman, you're next.

♪ Some sunny day ♪♪

[door slides shut]

You know why you're in here?

'Cause I helped my sister
escape the Vault.

Escape? You and Chet put your sister
in incredible danger

by helping her out that Vault door.

- The rad levels up there alone...
- Worse,

you could've gotten us all k*lled.

What do you think started all this?

These Vaults are impenetrable.

Meaning those raiders
could only have gotten into Vault 32

because some bonehead
opened the door to the surface.

A single bad decision
that put everyone at risk.

Not just Vault 32, but 33 and 31 as well.

I've telegrammed with the Overseer
at Vault 31.

Thank goodness they're unscathed.

But you could've destroyed
the last vestiges of civilization.

It was Lucy's idea.

[Woody] And you didn't think
to at least try and stop her?

No.

What are we gonna do with you?

Punish me with a demotion, I guess.

[sighs]

You've worked janitorial.
You've done kitchen duty.

Are you aware that, at every job
you've been assigned to,

your performance review has been
"lacks enthusiasm"?

No, but that sounds accurate.

You're currently working with Computers

and Information Maintenance.

How do you like that?

I lack enthusiasm.

Uh-huh.

It's a predicament, isn't it?

How do you demote someone who equally
dislikes every job he's ever worked?

I suppose it is.

I'm just glad to hear that we punish
people down here for breaking the rules.

Is that just for vault dwellers,
or for people who come down here

and m*rder vault dwellers?

[tense music playing]

Now that I think of it,

we've got a job for you after all.

- [♪ LaVern Baker: "Tweedlee Dee"]
- ♪ Tweedlee dee, tweedlee dee ♪

♪ Tweedlee dee...

[buzzer sounds]

♪ Tweedlee tweedlee tweedlee dee ♪

♪ I'm as happy as can be...

Rise and shine, everyone.

Ooh.

[Marianne] Your catered snackables
have arrived.

- [prisoner] Come on. Hurry up.
- [Marianne] And you're welcome.

- [prisoner shouts]
- Okay.

- There is a utensil...
- [prisoner] I'm gonna eat your f*cking heart!

♪ Tweedlee, tweedlee, tweedlee dot ♪

[prisoner growls]

- ♪ Tweedlee dee, tweedlee dee ♪
- I'll break your f*cking head open!

Whoo!

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give your love to me ♪♪

[Thaddeus] I don't see any apples, sir.

[Maximus] [distorted] Then climb higher.

It-it might not be an apple tree.

Also, it's uh...

I think, uh, it's dead.

[Maximus] Keep looking.

On my honor, sir, I will find you...

f*ck!

[groaning]

- [Maximus chuckles]
- Uh, uh, sorry. Apologies, sir.

I know you wanted an apple.

Uh, uh, I have some-some rations
if you're hungry.

I'm not hungry anymore.

Uh, okay, yeah. Whatever you want.

Uh, you're the sir.

I have an artifact to retrieve. Let's go.

[groans] Okay.

Uh, if we find the target,

we should repair your radio

so we can ask the Brotherhood
to send reinforcements.

I will retrieve it myself.

Understood. Understood.

I never doubted your ability to do so.

[straining]

The guy from the Enclave,
the guy everybody's looking for,

you saw him?

I did. He left with a girl.

- A woman.
- How'd they get away?

I was waylaid. A ghoul intervened.

A ghoul?! Huh.
Those things are scary as sh*t.

I bet you just k*lled it on sight,
no questions asked.

"Oh, you're a ghoul?

- You're a dead ghoul."
- No.

If we find the ghoul, we find the target.

You left the ghoul alive?

Great idea, sir.

All wastelanders leave radiation trails.

By allowing the ghoul to live,
you've made it possible

to trace the whereabouts of the...
of the target.

Yes, right. I know that.

[rad meter peaking rapidly]

I got a trail.

Yeah. Well done, sir.

This way. Glory awaits!

Oh, yes.

[dramatic music playing]

Think this was him?

[Maximus] Hard to tell.

Show me the illustration.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that-that's definitely him.

Think we should, uh,
bring the body back with us?

No.

If they left the body,
it must be worthless.

His head is what's valuable.
We need to find it.

[Thaddeus] Oh, yeah, smart.

Who do you think did this,
the girl or the ghoul?

The ghoul. Definitely.

Ghouls.

One day the Brotherhood's gonna eradicate
every last one of those freaks.

Stuff like this is never
gonna happen again.

Okay, so I think that the ghoul probably

should be, I think, uh, well...

Yeah, definitely this, um...

Yeah, that way.
Definitely... definitely that way.

There's tracks. [chuckles]

[intriguing music playing]

[CX404 barking in distance]

Stop, please!

My dad, he's an Overseer.

He-he got taken by raiders,
and I need that head to get him back.

If you help me find him,
he'll do whatever you want.

[cries out]

[muffled shouts]

[CX404 continues barking]

[coughing, gasping]

Stop. Stop!

t*rture is wrong.

[Lucy coughs]

You know, they used to do these things

called "studies."

Why, you couldn't open a newspaper

without reading about
one study or another.

- [rad meter peaking rapidly]
- Anyway, this one particular study came out,

and it said that torturing a person
don't do sh*t.

[Lucy screams]

[muffled groans]

[gasping and gagging]

It made sense.

I mean, a man hurts me,

I wouldn't want to do him any favors.

And yet the practice of t*rture
failed to vanish from this earth.

In fact, as time marched on,

I've personally noticed
a decided uptick...

...in the amount of t*rture
being doled out across the board.

Sir, please, I need the head.

It's the only way
I can get my father back.

My point is...

if you ask me, them studies,
they was right.

Torturing a person don't do sh*t.

Then why... why are you doing this?

Well, I ain't torturing you, sweetheart.

I'm using you as bait.

[CX404 barking]

[whistles]

[whistling]

Nice.

[ominous music playing]

[cries out]

[cries out]

[jarring music playing]

[barking]

[creature growling]

[Lucy grunting]

[barking]

[Gulper screaming]

[CX404 barking]

Ah.

[inhales]

[sighs sharply]

[Lucy panting]

m*therf*cker!

Oh, I'm sorry, I should have
just let you use me as bait

in a poison river?!

f*ck!

[Lucy] You can't treat people like this.

Yeah? Why's that?

Because of the golden rule.

"Do unto others as you would have
done unto you."

Those Gulpers digest real slow.

You got time.

No. No, no, no.

No. Stop.

[grunting]

Where are we going?

What about the head?

I need the head to get my dad back.

Yeah, well, the Wasteland's got
its own golden rule.

Oh? What's that?

Thou shalt get sidetracked by bullshit
every g*dd*mn time.

[barking]

- What about the dog?
- He ain't mine.

[gentle music playing]

Sorry, I've been derelict
in my duties here.

[grunts]

[distorted] What are you doing?

Uh, just refilling your water bag
so you can stay hydrated.

Right.

Uh, it might be faster if you sit down.

Bet you, uh, seen some things, huh?

Being a knight.

I've seen some things.

I grew up working on a fly farm.

I was a shitter, so they'd feed us,

and then they'd feed our sh*t
to the flies.

Mulch 'em up and sell it as protein.

Anyway, that's why I'm so fat.

So, your, uh, former squire,

how did he die?

You knew him?

Yeah, I... I did.

Say something about him.

Well, he, uh, he was a good guy.

Say something negative about him.

Well, uh, he-he's dead.
I don't know, it feels weird.

- An order, my squire.
- Okay.

Uh, to be honest,

me and the other guys used
to be pretty hard on him.

Like, regularly b*at the sh*t out of him.

It wasn't personal, you know.

It's just...

...well, you know, people at the base,

they used to b*at the sh*t out of me
all the time.

This shipment of new recruits came in,
and, uh, one of them was Maximus.

So I had this funny idea,

what if we b*at the sh*t
out of that guy instead?

And it worked.

Yeah, I was really popular. It was great.

I just wish he'd lived long enough to find
someone else to b*at up, you know?

Only seems fair.

I realize that, uh,
people die all the time.

It's the law of the Wasteland,
so who cares, right?

But still, uh, I feel bad.

Don't feel bad.

It's like you said,
it's the law of the Wasteland.

Let's go. We're losing daylight.

Yeah.

[melancholy music playing]

[Thaddeus] Coming!

[Woody] We can judge a person,
and a society,

by how they treat their enemy.

And here we are
with 16 highly-violent individuals

incarcerated in our temporarily
repurposed reading room.

It's an ethical dilemma
like nothing we've dealt with before.

[Reg] Personally, I'd say
it's more of an ethical opportunity

to demonstrate to the surface dwellers,
and to each other,

what we mean when we say
we're going to build a better world.

Thanks, Reg.
That is a positive spin to put on it.

- [microphone squeaks]
- It's not a positive spin for me.

It's the goshdarn truth!

Okay, well, uh, the fact remains

we need to decide
what to do with these prisoners.

And that is a decision
that we need to make as a collective.

In a manner befitting our shared values.

- Yes.
- [quiet, overlapping murmuring]

I think this conversation would benefit
from some actual ideas.

Well, you know what?

The young man
Woody interrogated this morning?

He left an impression on me.

That is the gentleman
who showed me his butthole.

- [crowd gasping]
- Yes, but what I took from that

is a desire to communicate.

To reach out
across the cultural divide.

That's a spark we can work with...

to create a great citizen.

Given our recently dwindled numbers,

the most ethical solution would be
to rehabilitate the prisoners

and then integrate them
into our Vault Society.

- [indistinct, overlapping chatter]
- [microphone squeaks]

[Woody] To be clear, this is not a process
that will happen overnight.

Based on what I saw this morning,

- it may take years.
- [crowd murmuring]

- But...
- But... there is nothing

we can't do
when we set our minds to it!

- Yes!
- Yes!

I can teach the raiders Shakespeare...
and when they're ready, Marlowe.

[Marianne] I don't want to be insensitive,

but I think Shakespeare might be
too advanced for these people.

Look, I would like
to start with a moral framework.

Kant, Mill and-and so on.

I'd be happy to teach them
introductory calculus.

[scoffs]

[Reg] Is there something
you'd like to say,

Norm?

[slow, sinister music playing]

I don't know. I don't think
it's our job to help these people.

- They're murderers.
- They didn't know any better.

[Marianne] And how could they

- without a formal education?
- Norm,

buddy, the hard truth is,
we can't just let them go.

[laughing] Uh, it's just,

they have intimate knowledge
of our Vault security.

- [Steph scoffs softly]
- [Reg] So what do you propose we do?

We can do
what they would have done to us.

- [crowd gasping]
- Wow.

Geez Louise, Norm.

[Betty] Young Norm was

just expressing a feeling.

I know. I've got anger. We all do.

But I think you would agree

that murdering these prisoners of ours
is not under serious consideration.

[woman] That's right.

- Hear! Hear!
- [crowd murmuring]

I'm sorry. You're right.

It was not my intention
to question your leadership, Overseer.

- Thank you.
- Thank you. - [microphone squeaks]

[engineer] All right. Sirs?

Uh, sirs? Uh, uh, may I...

may I speak with you for a moment, please?

Uh, it's about the Water Chip.

Go ahead.

Uh, it's-it's... it's the type of thing

Overseer MacLean would have preferred
to discuss, uh, privately?

Uh, before bringing it to the full group?

- [microphone squeaks]
- Well, he's not here now, is he?

Let's hear it.

Okay, well, uh...

the Water Chip is destroyed.

- [crowd clamoring]
- The Vault only has enough water to keep

our population alive for, uh, two months.

And-and that's not accounting
for the prisoners, who...

- Okay. That's fine, that's enough.
- Thanks, though.

- [Reg] Uh...
- [Woody] Um...

- [crowd murmuring]
- [Reg] Okay.

Uh... meeting adjourned.

[Woody] I was also gonna say
meeting adjourned, so...

That went well.

[indistinct, overlapping chatter]

They k*lled my husband.

You're right, you know.

If your father were here, he...

...he'd do the right thing.

[dramatic music playing]

[chittering]

[CX404 barking]

[Maximus] [distorted] Are you sure
about this?

[Thaddeus] It says the ghoul is this way.

[rad meter peaking]

- Wait a minute.
- What?

Uh, it's just, this, um... Well, uh...

- [Maximus] What?
- [Thaddeus] It just occurred to me.

Uh, we're definitely picking up
an abomination of some kind or another.

Just not sure...

I'm not sure
we're tracking the right abomination.

[loud splashing]

- [Maximus] You idiot!
- It was my mistake.

If you'll let me lead the charge,
I'll lead the charge.

[sighs]

[quietly] I am a Knight
of the Brotherhood of Steel.

- Get back to shore.
- But sir...

- Go!
- Thank you, sir.

[soft clicking]

- [growling]
- [sh*t fires]

[questioning grunt]

[growling]

[♪ Glenn Miller: "In the Mood"]

[low growling]

[roaring]

[high-pitched screaming]

- [Maximus] f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.
- [Thaddeus yells]

- My lord! [screaming]
- I've got you!

Knight Titus!

[growling]

[high-pitched screaming]

[yelling]

[gulps deeply]

I'm going in! [yells]

- I got you!
- [yelling]

[Maximus grunting]

[shouting] Victoriam!

[Maximus yelling]

[low growling]

[groans]

[high-pitched screaming]

[Thaddeus yells]

[Gulper groans]

[Thaddeus groans, whimpers]

[Maximus] Ah.

- You saved me!
- Huh.

You saved me first.

[contemplative music playing]

[barking]

Huh. Oh.

[ominous music playing]

[CX404 whimpering]

[CX404 sniffing]

Is that...?

The head.

[Thaddeus] The head?!

It's the head! Yes!

- Yeah!
- [whoops]

Yeah!

[slow, ominous music playing]

♪ ♪

[panting]

Sir.

Sir, please. I need water.

Please.

[panting]

Please!

[panting]

[quiet, tense music plays]

[rad meter peaking]

Water, water everywhere,
and not a drop to drink.

Ain't much stays clean up here, Vaultie.

You'll see.

Is that what happened to you?

[panting] Radiation?

Something like that.

[Lucy panting]

[w*apon fires]

[pants, gasps softly]

[wind whistling]

[♪ Buck Owens & the Buckaroos:
"Act Naturally"]

♪ They're gonna put me in the movies ♪

♪ They're gonna make
a big star out of me ♪

[whistles]

♪ We'll make the film
about a man that's sad and lonely...

- Yeah.
- Okay.

You ready to meet the suits?

Uh, I'll try not to embarrass you.

No promises, though.

- All right.
- [Yaffe] Mr. Howard.

- Hello. Hi.
- Great to meet you.

Hey, nice to meet you.

On behalf of the whole Vault-Tec family,
we wanted to say how delighted we are

that Barb could use her connections
to get to you.

You know, I've never done
an advertisement before in my life.

Hmm.

But then again,
my wife has never asked me to, so...

- [laughter]
- Yeah.

Okay. Uh, over here?

Huh? Yeah. Um...

- [applause]
- Ah.

Thank you. Thank you.
Uh, thank you very much.

Uh, this... Thank you.
Uh, this suit is tight.

- This thing really block radiation?
- [camera shutter clicks]

- Absolutely.
- [Cooper] If I may say, I-I-I...

- You all are doing, um, God's work here.
- [camera shutter clicking]

And, uh, on behalf
of every decent American,

I just want to say thank you.

Oh. Uh, to you. Yeah.

Well... [clears throat] Okay, here we go.

♪ Well, I'll bet you
I'm a gonna be a big star ♪

- Uh, like this.
- ♪ Might win an Oscar ♪

♪ You can never tell ♪

♪ The movie's gonna ♪

- ♪ Make me a big star ♪
- No, no, no.

♪ 'Cause I can play the part so well...

Hey, I-I have an idea. What if, uh...

What if I do... were to do,
like, a thumbs-up?

Go for it, Coop.

You called him Coop?

♪ Then I know
that you will plainly see ♪

♪ Biggest fool
that's ever hit the big time ♪

♪ And all I gotta do is act naturally ♪

♪ We'll make the scene
about a man that's sad and lonely ♪

♪ And begging down upon his bended knee ♪

♪ I'll play the part
but I won't need rehearsing ♪

♪ All I'll have to do is act naturally ♪

♪ Well, I'll bet you
I'm a gonna be a big star ♪

♪ Might win an Oscar, you can never tell ♪

♪ The movie's gonna make me a big star ♪

♪ 'Cause I can play the part so well ♪

♪ Well, I hope you come
and see me in the movie ♪

♪ And then I'll know
that you will plainly see ♪

♪ The biggest fool
that's ever hit the big time ♪

♪ And all I gotta do is act naturally ♪ ♪

[quiet, tense music playing]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪