03x09 - Don't Go In There!

[bunniefuu]

- I gotta get Credenza
a necklace

with an enormous
heart-shaped diamond.

- I found some kind
of cave drawing.

- You will spend your days
building this.

- Ooh, fun! An evil device!

- [grunt]

- Just 'cause we made a banner

that doesn't mean
we defeated The Cell!

- That's exactly what it means.

- Why is he building
their evil device?

- You know, you put something
sciencey in front of him,

that big old brain's just
gonna science it right up.

[indistinct arguing]

[ding]

- These blueprints
are incomplete.

- Huh?
- Find that second page,

I'll bet this device
gets a lot more evil.

[rock music]

[jackhammer pounding]

- Hurry!
Mine faster!

- Did you say something?
- Yeah, I said mine--

[turns jackhammer on]

What I said was--
[jackhammer drilling]

- I said you need to--

[jackhammer drilling]
Ray wants--

Stop!
OK, stop it!

- [laughs] I'm sorry.

It's just, whenever
you get angry,

you do the cutest little dance.

- Aw!

Now back to mining!

- Hey, when we
became superheroes,

we didn't sign up to mine
heart-shaped diamonds

for our boss's girlfriend.

- More complaynies.

The sooner someone finds
a heart-shaped diamond

for Ray's girlfriend,

the sooner we can all
get out of here

and see the sun again.

- You know what
the worst part is?

- [coughs]
All this asbestos?

- No.
It's the fact that

Ray's up there right now taking
credit for all of our work.

- Oh, Ray would never
would never do that to us.

- Honey, rest assured
that I'm using my trusty spade

to get you into the
heart-shaped diamond club,

my queen!

- Are you building
a house of cards

while you're talking to me?

Uh--
- Because I am, too.

- [laughs] Oh, really?

- All by myself.

- Mom!
What the--

- Shh!
Go get some ice cream.

- Ice cweam!

- Me too.

I'm also working hard,
all by myself.

- What the--
- Dude!

- Go get some ice cream.
[both gasp]

both: Ice cweam!

[poof]

[jackhammer pounding]

[horn blares]

- Break time!

- Dance break?
- Do you even have to ask?

- No!
Ray says no dance breaks!

- Hm, too late.

[big band music playing]

Come on!

- You can't make me.

- I think she just did.

- Hey!

- Beam kick!

[rumbling]

- Hey, do you feel
an earthquake right now?

- That--that's just me
rocking your world.

Mika, Miles, get down there
and tell 'em to stop dancing

before they bring
this whole place down.

both: Beam kick!

[rumbling]

- Uh-oh.

- Ohh, this is why
there's no dance breaks

in the diamond mine!

- Ray says you guys
gotta stop dancing.

[stops music]
all: Boo!

- I think you're
causing an earthquake.

- You're darn right we are!
Beam kick!

- Ah!
[rocks clattering]

- No, no, not my card house!

[sigh]

Can I call you back?

- Yeah, I gotta go, too.

- OK, I feel like,
no matter what I say,

you're just gonna say--

all: Beam kick!

[rumbling]

- Miles!
- Sorry. I got carried away.

- Beam kick!
Huh, yeah!

[rumbling]

- [gasps] There's more!

- You're darn right there is.

Beam kick!
- Yeah!

- No, no, Bose was right!

- You're darn right I was!
Beam kick!

Wait, about what?

- When you said there was
more to the blueprints.

Look, our flawless beam kicks
just revealed

this new cave drawing!

It's page two of
the blueprints!

- Oh, so that's why the
device didn't work

when you built it
the first time.

- What I'm hearing is
we need more beam kicks.

Beam kick!
- What if

we all quietly danced
to the Man's Nest Sushi Room?

- I can agree to that.

You rollin' with us, Schwoz?
- No.

- Sush yourself.

[vocalizing]

Sushi, yeah.

Sushi, yeah!
Be like, mm!

[both grunt]

- Why'd you stop
the sush train?

- Whoo-whoo!

- What is that?

- [gasps]

Is that a new door?

- That's a door, all right.
New, if I'm not mistaken.

- Door kick!

- Do not open this door!

- Why not?
- You guys,

I don't exactly
run a tight ship around here.

I pretty much let you
do whatever you want.

- You're currently making
us mine heart-shaped diamonds

for your girlfriend.

- Like I said, I pretty much
let you do whatever I want.

And all I ask
is that you do not

go in this door.

All right?

- OK.
- Your nest, your rules.

- I can respect
people's boundaries.

- I already forgot what
we were talking about.

- I don't even care anymore.
- All right.

- Moving on!
- Hey, what's a door?

- Right?
- I don't even know.

- Thanks, guys.

- Let's go get some sushi!

I just wanna look at it!

- Yeah, we're not
gonna open it!

- That's what
I told myself, too.

[both yelp]

Four hours ago,
when I got here.

- How did you tie your
own sleeves together?

- I didn't.
He tied 'em for me.

It's for my own good.

It's the last thing he did
before he went over the edge.

- Bosey?

You OK?

- Door.
Door, door, door.

Door, door, door?

Door.

- "All look and no open
makes Bose a door boy."

Over and over again.

- Door.

- That's it!

I can't live like this anymore!

- Neither can I.
- We've gotta do something.

- Door!
- You know what we gotta do?

all:
We gotta open that door!

- It all just
kinda happened.

[overlapping chatter]

You get all that?

[vocalizing]

- We look amazing.

- You've been posing for hours.

[all shouting at once]

- That's right,
keep walking, Schwoz.

Keep walking.

- How are we gonna
approach this?

- Doors are meant to be opened.

- They're famous for it.

- Let's get this done.

And now simply to...

[electricity zapping]

[yelping, stammering]

[coughing]

open.

- Ahh. 1983,

a good year
for thirst-quenching

American soda.

Oh, hello!

If you're watching
this video,

I'm guessing you're smoldering
in pain because you

tried to open my door.

- [coughs]

I am not in pain! Ow.

- Never were a very
good liar, Mika.

- Is this prerecorded?

- Yes, Miles,
this is prerecorded.

You're all just
that pre-dictable.

- That's it!
I'm teleporting in there!

- Oh, no, please don't!

- Oh!

- Yeah, I had Schwoz encase

the whole room in a
teleport-proof titanium alloy.

Titanium!

Same stuff they use to make
sturdy American golf clubs.

[kisses]

Right in the hole.

- You're not on a golf course!
You're in the Man's Nest!

- Hey, it's prerecorded.
He can't hear you.

- That's right, Bose,
I am 6'8".

Now, listen, we could
do this all day long,

or you could just accept the
fact that you will never,

ever get through this door.

Bye, now!

- Guess we've just gotta
take the L on this one.

- Ahh, 1983, a good year
for thirst-quenching

American soda.

- We are not taking
the L on this one!

- Ooh, my girl's fired up!

- Ray is a petulant,
narcissistic man-child!

- Ooh, we're using
big words now!

- And he needs to
be put in his place!

- The ground!
- Whoa!

- All right, yeah, that was too
far,

and I acknowledge that,

and I am not proud of it.

- We've gotta give him
a taste of his own medicine.

- He was just drinking


I don't think there's anything
that man can't stomach.

- What my sweet--but at this
moment delightfully devious--

sister means is
that we must do unto him

as he hath done unto us.

- OK, somehow you made
that even more confusing.

- Miles, you still got
that cardboard box guy?

- Harlito? Sure do.
He was in my cult.

- I thought it was a "community
of like-minded individuals."

- It was a cult,
and Harlito's in.

- Ah, cheese Danishes,

America's finest pastry.

[slurping]

Mmm!

Heh! Really should just
buy cheese next time.

Hot dang! Somebody must have
called Harlito!

Well, first things first,
let's open that red one.

- Whoa, there, Tiger!

- You better not lay those
cheesy paws on that box.

- Is this prerecorded?
- Sure is prerecorded.

You're just that pre-dictable.

- [chuckling]

- [spits]



OK, no one should
drink soda this old.

- Ray, we don't run
a tight ship around here.

- We work on a ship?

- All that we ask is that
you don't open that red box.

- All the other boxes
in the Man's Nest

are yours to open.
[inhales sharply]

Not the red one.

- We trust that you won't.
Bye, now.

- I'm just not
built for the sea.

- Very good.
[chuckles]

Very good, indeed.

Sneaky, but good.

Trying to give me a taste of
my own medicine, I see, huh?

Well, it's not gonna work.

Not on this big brain!

- He's leaving.

I told you we should not
have rented these robes!

- Oh, he'll be back.

He's gonna open
that red box,

get a taste of his own
medicine,

realize how hypocritical
he's been,

and let us in that door!
- For sure.

Yeah!
- Yes.

[phone chiming]
- Mika's castle.

What's your hassle?

- Where did you guys go?

I could use some help
with these blueprints.

And where is my sushi?

- Oh, Schwoz,
we are, like, three crises

past the sushi thing.

- But now that we have
the complete blueprints,

we can finally figure out what
The Cell was trying to build.

- Dude, we kaboomed The Cell.

They're gone!
You gotta live in the now!

And right now,
we're trying to get Ray

to let us open that new door.

- [gasps]
Don't go in there!

- Hey, that's the name
of tonight's episode--

tonight's "Genuine Moments"
episode, that is.

- Wait, Schwoz, you know
what's through that door?

- Yes. But Ray put a tiny
boomsday device on my heart,

and if I tell you, I go boom.

- So tell us.
- No!

Don't do that, Schwoz! Why?
- OK, OK, too far.

I acknowledge that.

I'm not proud of it.

Could you, like,
write that down?

Would it count?
- Oh, Ray's back!

- Uhh, we gotta go!

Hope your heart
doesn't explode! Bye!

["Ave Maria" playing]

- What is going on
in that man's head?

[sighs, groans]

- Open it!

- Oh, he is so gonna open it!

- Any moment now, he's gonna
bust that box wide open,

and get absolutely
boof'd in the face

with Schwoz's gross cologne.

- [grunting]

- Miles, you did fill the
Boxy-Woxy-Boof-Charge

with Schwoz's gross cologne,
right,

from the Shelf of Gross Stuff?

- I was going to,
but I went to the ATM

with Harlito,
so I asked Chapa to do it.

- I almost did, but
then I remembered something

a barista told me
that made me mad,

and I needed to sit with
my feelings for a while,

so I asked Bose to do it.

- [lip burbling]

- Bose, please tell me you
grabbed the right bottle

off the Shelf of
Gross Stuff to fill

the Boxy-Woxy-Boof-Charge?

- I sure did.

In fact, old Bosey
did you one better.

I grabbed every single
bottle from the Shelf

of Gross Stuff
and put them all inside

the Boxy-Woxy-Boof-Charge.

- Sweet Danish cheeses!

- Schwoz's gross cologne,
Tears of the Jolly Beetle,

Miles' gross
homemade hot sauce.

- Not cool!
- Yeah, Jolly Beetle Tears

can take away Captain Man's
indestructibility!

- No, I mean "not cool"
because my sauce doesn't

belong on the gross shelf!

- Dude, the flavors
are not there.

- What?
- We'll argue about

how underseasoned
Miles' sauce is later!

Right now, we've gotta
stop Ray from--

- I gotta open the box!
[expl*si*n booms]

[screaming]

- Oh my God!
Ray, are you OK?

- Ah, it burns!
It burns!

- Dude, we're so sorry!

- Ahh, apology not accepted!

What--what--
What's going on?

- Uh, we accidentally
just boofed you

with Jolly Beetle Tears.

- What?

- They left the
task up to me, sir.

Big mistake on their part.

- It's OK.
It's OK.

Uhh, there's an anecdote.

- The word is
actually "antidote."

- Ohh, not the time!

[all screaming]
- Oh, wow.

- Is it bad?

- No, it looks cute,
but where's the antidote?

- [cackling]

Well, you're gonna love this!

You're gonna eat this for
breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

- Dude, where is it?
- It's in the room!

- You mean--
- Yes, that's the one, Miles!

What does he win, Johnny?

[retching]
- Oh, he's gonna yak.

- What--what--
No! No!

[screaming]
- Huh!

- Eww!

- Well, I had to get to
the key to the door.

Are you happy now, huh?

Have you finally
found happiness?

- Kinda.

- Inside the room,
you'll find the antidote

for Jolly Beetle Tears.

Now, go!

- I don't wanna touch the key.

It's covered in Miles'
flavorless sauce.

- Oh, I knew I didn't
taste something.

- Gimme that key!

You all are mid sometimes!

- Hurry!

- Uh!
- Uhh!

- Ahh!

[poof]

- It's all happening.

- There could be anything
behind that door.

- What if there's a room that
is just filled with books?

Can you imagine?

- Honey, that's
called a library.

- [scoffs]
Yeah, OK, Mika.

- Just open the door.
- Ahh.

[alarm buzzing]

[whooshing]

[shimmering tone]

Ahh.

[hissing]

- Welcome home, Ray.

[eerie music]

all: What?

- How was your
day at work, Papa?

- I baked.

- Woof!

Woof!
- Lickums!

- We work for
a deeply disturbed man.

[door slams]

- Did you teleport us
to Buddy Fudgers' house?

- I don't think so.

- Woof.
- Buddy, you know Ray

likes a freshly dusted family
portrait when he comes home.

- Sorry, Mother. Papa.

- Does that say
"The Manchesters"?

- Oh, my God, I know
what's happening.

- [laughs]
Uh, easy, boy!

- Ray recreated Credenza's
house, complete with robots,

so he could practice acting
like a normal dad and husband.

- How do you know?
- This book's titled,

"How to Act like a Normal Dad
and Husband,"

it's crusty with
cheese Danish,

and it's written
by Henry's dad.

- I wish my birth dad
had read that.

- Oh! [laughs]
[dog whimpering]

Heavier than I thought.

- OK.
- OK. Ahh.

- OK There's the antidote.

Let's get it and get out of
here

before that dog assaults
my brother.

- On it.
- Ahh!

Ahh, ahh!
[dog whimpers, growls]

Ahh!
- Why can't I use my power?

- 'Cause this room
is powers-proof.

- How do you know?
- 'Cause this book is titled

"How to Build a Powers-Proof
Living Room Set

and Look Good Doing it,"

and it's written by Schwoz.

- Uh, guys?

[shimmering tone]

- Woof.

- I think Lickums is trying
to tell us something.

- What is it, boy?
- Woof! Woof! Woof!

- Intruders?

In Papa's own home?

- Where are they, boy?

- Woof. Woof!
Woof!

- [sighs]

[shimmering tones]

- Oh, Fudgers!

[both screaming]

[screaming]

[all screaming]

[rock music]

[all screaming]

[rock music playing]

- Keep it down up there!
I'm sciencing!

- [lip burbling]

- How did Ray train
his dog to do karate?

- That's my bad.

- "How to Train your Dog
to Fight like a Ninja,"

by Lula Elena Chapa Da Silva?

- Forward by Jackie Chan?

- He owed me a favor.

- [screams]

- Miles!

- Lickums, release!

- Ahh!
- Let's just get the antidote

and get out of here!

[grunting]

- Ahh!
- Oh!

- Ow!

[fighting efforts]

- Leave me alone!
Let go!

[grunting, screaming]

- I got it!
- Great.

- Help me!

- Did you have to do
all that flippy stuff?

- No.
But it's a useful distraction.

Watch.

- Have mercy, Lickums!

- What?
- Wow!

- Cool!

- Woof.

- Uh!
- Ah!

- Ahh!

- Yeah!
- See?

- Great job. Now let's get
this antidote to Ray.

- You like that, Lickums?

Huh? Huh? Bad boy!

Bad boy!
- All right. OK.

He's down!
- Yeah!

- He's not--
Ooh, OK!

All right! He's not worth it!
Miles!

Miles!
- You meanie!

You big meanie!
- You got him.

[bell dings]

- Huh?
- Casserole's done!

- Hey, guys. I just finished
building the evil device.

I'm about to turn it on.

- That's great, buddy.

We're just making sure
Ray's back to normal.

- I think I'm good.

- Let's just check.

- Uh!

I'm OK!

- Hey!
That's what I like to hear.

- Hey, let's go see
what Schwoz built.

- Hold up.
Hold up.

First, we've gotta discuss
that room you built.

- Mm, see, I do not wanna
talk about that.

- I actually think it's sweet.
- Stop.

- I do.

It shows how much you care
about Buddy and Credenza.

- You just wanna be
a good partner.

What's wrong with that?
- You didn't have to build

murdering robots, though.

You could just, you know,
be yourself.

- Yeah, but I don't
have a normal life.

I never have, ever since I was
eight, and I got densitized.

I don't know what to
do sometimes, you know,

and I really don't
wanna mess this up.

- Why don't you read my book?

- Bose, that book
just says "Door."

- Oh, sorry, wrong one.

"Just Be Your Handsome Self
and Everyone Will Like You,"

by Bose O'Brien?

Forward by Jackie Chan?

- That guy will write
anyone's forward.

- Hey, yeah!

I am handsome!

And everyone does like me!

- See?

- You guys, are we
doing this or not?

- Oh, yeah, sorry, right away!
- My bad!

- Schwoz, if I have to
walk all the way out there

and all this thing does is
make pancakes, I swear to God--

- OK, is everyone ready?

- Yeah, real quick,
could we maybe not

turn on the evil machine?
- Click.

- OK.

- Wow.
- It's really good.

- That was a letdown.

- Seriously, Schwoz?

- All right, Schwoz,
I appreciate your work.

- Does anybody want pancakes?
- Sorry.

[indistinct chatter]

[electricity crackling]

- My God!

- Danger Force built
a beacon for us.

He is coming.

- Truly, he is coming.

[vocalizing]