01x05 - Primary Coloreds

[bunniefuu]

♪ Head above water
I'm making a way ♪

♪ It's the first of the month
And the bills ain't paid ♪

♪ I'm saying
Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪

♪ Yeah
Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪

♪ Keep my family close
Pick me up when I'm low ♪

♪ Help me down on this road
And I'mma bring us back home again ♪

♪ Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪

♪ Yeah
Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪

♪ And today I'mma get out my way, Momma ♪

♪ They try to spray
But the spirit kept me safe, Momma ♪

♪ Again
Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪

♪ Yeah
Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪

♪ Hustling to survive
I'm just doing my job ♪

♪ Feds be blocking my shine,
But the sun always rises here ♪

♪ Man, it's feeling like Good Times
Yeah ♪

♪ Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

[thunder rumbling]

[pipes rumbling]

[Beverly groaning] No hot water again?

- [thunder rumbling]
- [Beverly sighing]

[ominous music playing]

[snake hissing]

Ugh. Of course.

[rat squeaks]

[screaming]

[rat squeaking]

[rats squeaking]

[panting]

[groaning]

[wind gusting]

[Beverly grunting]

Come on, Mother Nature,
it's time to get my Ben Franklin on!

Whoo.

Hey, Ricky, any rats down there?

Hey, Bev. Not one in sight.

But be careful,
this hair rope ain't sturdy.

You know me, I'm always careful. [gasping]

[both gasping]

[yelling]

[Beverly] Sorry, Ricky.
I tried to be careful.

Put a little aloe vera on it.

[Jaguar growling]

Another day barely escaping death,
only to not have any hot water again.

Come on, Beverly. How hard could it be?

You climb a ladder,
shimmy up the drainpipe, hop on the roof,

dodge the lightning, you got hot water.

I'd like to see you do it.

And I'd like to touch my toes.
I'm just not built like that.

Look, I get we live in the projects,

but it wouldn't be like this
if Delphine would just do her job.

The problem's bigger than Delphine.

She's the product
of a bureaucratic machine

whose main purpose is to make
the rich richer and the poor poorer.

It's not a failure of the system.
It's a feature.

Well, something needs to be done about it.

The monthly tenants' meeting is starting.

- They still have the donut holes?
- Mom!

You're right. You right.
It's not about donut holes.

I need to give Delphine
a piece of my mind.

Wouldn't mind breakfast though.
A woman gotta eat.

What about Reggie's breakfast?

Hat and whip are over there.
How hard could it be?

[bongo music playing]

Junior, I ain't gonna lie.
I don't know how to use that whip.

- [Junior screams]
- Ooh. Never mind!

I guess I'm a natural. Look at me.

[people chattering]

Let's bring this meeting to order.

Now, I know most of y'all
are here just for the donut holes.

[man] I need to eat.

So I've instituted
a "wait until after the meeting,

you greedy bastards" policy.

[man] Donut holes is all
I wanna talk about.

First order of business, sing my praises!

[people cheering]

Now, this building
could have been gentrified, but it ain't.

We gonna win, right?

Second order of business,
singing more of my praises!

It's been six hours
since the last mugging.

[man] Give me your money.

Well, it's still a record.

- [woman] Yeah.
- And you can still sing my praises.

- [man] Yeah!
- [man] Right!

Now, next up
is the projects' presidential election.

The vote is next week,

and it looks like
I'm running unopposed again.

Okay, meeting adjourned.

Let's bust out
these three-day-old donut holes!

[man] Go get 'em!

Mom, say something.

Are the holes from Dunkin'
or store-bought? Probably store-bought.

No, Ma. The water.

Oh, oh yeah, the water.
Actually, Delphine, one more thing.

[people chewing, groaning]

When are you gonna fix the hot water?

- [man] Wait a minute.
- And another thing.

The dirty washing machine water
dyes all our clothes brown.

Brown is in season.

Now, you would know
that if you had any fashion sense.

[woman] She said Bev ain't fashionable.

Bro, did you hear that?

Well, I guess your teeth are in season.

She came for Delphine.

Now, can we get back to the building?

The elevator won't run
to any of the odd-number floors

when it works at all.

The wig ladder to our floor
snapped this morning.

And for the last time,

what are you gonna do
about the lack of hot water?

[people moaning, chattering]

People, what do we say when we can't go on
but we wake up in the morning anyway?

[all] It ain't that bad.
It ain't that bad.

That's right. It ain't that bad.

All y'all slow? Look at poor Ricky.

I spilled hot water
on his face this morning

when the wig ladder collapsed on me.

[Ricky moaning]

See? He said, "It ain't that bad."

No, he said, "It is that bad."

He can't drink the coffee

because it will drip
out the holes in his cheeks.

What are you gonna do about it?

Everybody knows the risk you take
getting hot water during rush hour.

Now, next time, soak your oats overnight.

It's the latest thing.
Now back to what's really important.

I still got your vote, right?

[all] Yeah.

[people cheering, whistling]

Let's get to this fried dough then.

I knew this would be a waste of time.

Guess I'll fix the ladder myself. Come on.

Ma, don't feel bad.

I'm still proud
that you stood up to Delphine.

The system is
as broken as that ladder was,

and you took action.

Maybe you can fix the system too,
from the inside.

Run for president.

Run for president? Of the projects?

Hey, Daddy, guess what?

Mom's gonna run for president
against Delphine.

Wait. Who?

- [owl hooting]
- [Reggie grunting]

Oh. He wasn't calling for you, Hooters.

Now, look.
I never said for certain that I'd run.

Exactly.
Grey, your mama can't handle all that.

Her hands are full with breakfast,
lunch, dinner, laundry, dishes.

Excuse you, Reggie.

Now, I wasn't taking
Grey's suggestion seriously,

but after hearing this,
I think I will run.

And while I'm busy campaigning,
you can run this household.

Okay. I see the half-Black vice president

has you feeling like Oprah.

Fine. Junior, you're in charge

until your mama's done playing
with the project council.

And what if I win?

If, if, if. If my aunt had balls,
she'd be my uncle.

Your aunt does have balls.

That's right.
Aunt Derrick. I always forget.

Grey, we have a campaign to plan.

And Reggie, when I win,
I expect a celebration/apology dinner.

Did they just say he's cooking tonight?

g*dd*mn it, baby.
You know I got hypertension.

[soft music playing]

How your sugar?

Where's everybody going?

Don't worry, Ma. Here comes Romulus.
We'll get some votes.

All right, now. This here is how you win.

Come on, baby. Let's do this. [slurping]

Ah. What do you think you're doing?

I'm testing your sugar, baby.

If you act right, I'll test your salt too.

No. It's a test for diabetes.

Oh hell, I already got that.
Man, this is lame.

[chuckles] I'm gonna have
a good time with Delphine.

Delphine. Come on, Grey.
Let's see what Eartha Kitt is up to.

[hip hop music playing]

- [Beverly] What's going on here?
- Looks like a blowout.

Everybody does seem
to be having a good time.

I'm talking about the election, Ma.

Say it with me.

- It ain't that bad.
- [all] It ain't that bad.

- It ain't that bad.
- [all] It ain't that bad.

You think you can b*at me
checking for diabetes?

Meanwhile, we twerking in them streets.

Can you say, "35-point lead"? [laughing]

We need a new approach. Walk with me.

Mom, do you see what I see?

Delphine's using the itis
to keep people lazy and uninformed.

She don't care. And, real talk,

if you wanna b*at her,
you can't care either.

What do you mean, I can't care?

I'm a God-caring woman.
I always care. That's why I'm doing this.

Nah, you have to think
like white male politicians.

Tr*mp, McConnell, Tracy Flick.

They win because people
respect their lack of empathy.

But, Grey...

Remember what happened
when Michelle Obama cared

and she tried to feed the country veggies?
It's political su1c1de.

People don't vote based on policies.
They vote based on feelings. Vibes.

I mean, I hear what you're saying. But...

Ah-ah-ah. But nothing.
Look, Bill Clinton and his saxophone,

Kamala Harris and her Converse,
and Hillary Clinton and her hot sauce.

Otherwise, this won't be just a blowout.
It'll be a shellacking.

In political circles,
it doesn't get worse than that.

[Beverly] Are you trying
to get me to pander?

[Grey] You have to reach them
to teach them.

You have to twerk with them
to work with them.

- Did you just turn into Donna Brazile?
- I did.

How did you do that so fast?

'Cause I need you to know
how f*cking serious I am.

Normally I'd ask who
you think you talking to,

but that really landed for me.

[both grunting]

I don't know how Mom does it.

Dad, I almost d*ed,
and we ain't even make it to the roof.

What about me?
I can make another you in nine months.

Maybe less, depending on
how much your mother drinks.

Ain't no one around anymore
who can make another damn Reggie.

This place is a mess.

Hey. Let's clean it up and at least
make it look like we did something.

[upbeat music playing]

This one is for floors,
this one is for counters,

and that one is for mildew.

That's how they get you.
You don't need different products.

It's all the same damn surface,
flat as hell.

[Reggie humming]

- What's that?
- Cleaning bubble.

Like in the commercial, boy.
Can't make sh*t up in advertising.

Ooh. Here we go! Here we go, boy!

- Look at that bubble!
- Dad, you sure you know what you're doing?

Boy, would I put you
into unnecessary danger?

That's how you see your father?

- [Reggie moaning]
- [music deepens]

These buildings were built
for families with single mothers.

Single mothers
are the backbone of society.

LeBron, single mother.

Jay-Z, single mother.

Obama, single white mother.

I'm here to tell you I see you.

I don't know why so many apartments
are filled with seniors wasting space

while they wait to kick the bucket.

But I'm gonna do something about it.

Once I get elected,

I can finally clear out
all those unruly single mothers

with their bastard kids.

It's not like they'll be
productive members of society,

like you and me.

There's no LeBron,
Obama, or Jay-Z among them.

Trust me. And that's why, brothers,
you vote for me, huh?

Free-b*llet Friday, and we'll make
Tupac's birthday a projects' holiday.

[hip hop music playing]

[exhales deeply, coughing]

[phone vibrating]

Hey, girl. Ah-ah. What?

No, she didn't. Girl! Bitch, where?

'Cause I don't care.
She ain't gonna do sh*t.

You hear, Bev? You a point ahead, girl.

We still have the debate.

If there's anything my week
of experience in politics has taught me,

it's that a lame horse can still sprint.

Ooh. What in the world?

[all coughing]

Reggie!

Reggie, wake up!
Oh, yeah. You too, Junior.

Beverly, is that you? I'm still
a little blind from all the cleaning.

What happened?

How'd you like me bombarding you
with questions

that have nothing to do with nothing?

How's the campaign going, Beverly?
There. Not much fun, is it?

Actually...

Even though there's still work to do,
we're confident it's the right time,

and Beverly is the right person
to take these projects in a new direction.

Well, Junior and I
have never been more... fed.

And the apartment
has never smelled cleaner.

[farting, moaning]

So it sounds like
this is working out for the entire family.

[Reggie] Mm-hmm.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

[Delphine] Ten, nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four, three, two, one.

These are the stakes.

To make a world
in which all of God's children can live

or go into the darkness.

We must either love each other,

or we must die.

Vote Delphine or die.

[Reggie sighing] Ooh.

Reggie, are you crying?

All they wanted to do was jump rope.

- I can't vote for you!
- We gotta step our game up.

We don't have money
to sh**t a campaign ad like that.

We don't, but I know someone who does.

[birds whistling]

- [g*n fire]
- [birds squeaking]

[dramatic music playing]

Huh!

So you need my help, huh?

Grey, do you know
where the term "stool pigeons" come from?

No. Where?

Hell if I know. I'm one-and-a-half.
sh*t, that's why I'm asking you.

Now, once she wins president,
I expect a return on my investment.

- I ain't talking about no swallows either.
- Of course.

- Dad said hi.
- No, he didn't.

You're right, he didn't.

And I ain't say hi back.

- [g*n fire]
- [birds squeaking]

I'm Beverly Evans,

and I don't come
from a long line of project presidents

like my opponent does,
but I did grow up here.

This is where I learned to Double Dutch.

Over here is where I had my first kiss.

And right over there

was where I had my jaw cracked
by a police nightstick.

Delphine likes to say it ain't that bad,

but that's because
it ain't that bad for her.

For the rest of us, it is that bad,
but it doesn't have to be.

- [Delphine groaning]
- [dramatic music playing]

These polls
are too close for comfort, Bruce.

I'm not about to be the first Weekly
to lose an election.

I want the word out.
Bev Evans should meet the heavens.

[upbeat music playing]

[man] Psst, psst, psst. Hey, Dalvin.

Yo.

Down here.

[electrical whirring]

Hey, yo. What's the word?

Word on me is
your fine-ass mama is in trouble.

What kind of trouble?

Delphine is talking about taking her out,
and I ain't talking about the way I would.

You know, candlelit dinner, champagne,
and her calling me daddy, Boss!

Hey, man, that's my mama.
What's your m*therf*cking problem?

What you expect from a street *****?

Like I was saying,
Delphine hired someone to smoke your mama.

And again,
not the way I would smoke that ass.

[whirring]

- Word?
- Word.

Hey, good-looking.

But say somethin' else about my mom again,

I got a jackhammer
with your name on it, pimp.

Is there a reason
we couldn't do this on a park bench

or in an underground garage like Scandal?

Or at least a women's room
where it's slightly less...

[man farting]

...repugnant?

- That's Mimi's choice.
- Me can't meet Mr. Right in a Mrs. room.

Fine, whatever. What's so urgent?

Mom needs to drop out the race.

She actually has a sh*t at winning.

Exactly.
The powers that be won't like that.

They want your mama dead. D-E-D. Dead.

The streets are saying
it'll happen tonight at the debate.

You can't let her go, Grey.
I'm counting on you.

This is the projects.

A son should never
live long enough to bury his mama.

Hmm.

Can you trust
she can make no harm come to her?

Hell no.
Grey mean well, like a m*therf*cker,

but you can't change a square to a circle.

I gots to get some insurance.

Look, let's just get something done.
Otherwise, we'll never hear the end of it.

It's folding sheets. How hard could it be?

Give me two corners,
and you take the other two.

I don't see any corners.

Fitted sheet?
That means you can't do it wrong.

Just bring the corners together.

- They're not corners. They're rounds.
- Then bring the rounds together.

That makes no sense.
You can't bring rounds together.

- Damn it. Bring the sheet over here.
- But it won't be even.

I don't care! This is why
you keep flunking the tenth grade.

Are we back on that again?

We never left it
because you never left the tenth grade.

I don't need this!

You come back here, boy.

Don't you leave me
with this g*dd*mn parachute!

[Junior] Let me go!

I drafted a statement
saying you're dropping out.

A boilerplate about wanting
to spend more time with your family.

No, I'm not dropping out.
I'm from the projects.

You know how many times
my life's been threatened?

I've never backed down before,
and I'm not about to start now.

Even if it means
getting k*lled at the debate.

[Reggie] k*lled at the debate?

Delphine put a hit out on Mom.

Why are you dressed like BlacKkKlansmen?

We tried to do everything your mother does
and this is how we ended up.

[Junior] I'm so hungry, Mom.

Beverly, I know how bad
you want to win this,

and I know I can't tell you what to do,
but this is getting dangerous,

and your husband won't just sit back
and let you put yourself in harm's way.

I'm not gonna do it.
I love you too damn much.

And I'm not just saying this
because I keep burning the chicken.

I support you, no matter what, baby,
but chicken ain't cheap!

So, let's be practical here.

I feel the same way.

You love me too much
to put me in harm's way?

No, chicken ain't cheap.

You also can't tell me what to do.

Now, let's go see
what the Lord's got planned.

I know all about the Lord.
He k*lled his only son.

No telling what else he's capable of.

I'm going, and that's final.

Well, I'm coming too.

[Junior] Hello?

Anybody there?

Man, I'm hungry.

[rap music playing]

[thunder rumbling]

Look, I need a favor.
Now, this deal between me and you.

I can't let nothing
happen to my mama. You feel me?

Can you handle it for me?

Who?

Good-looking.

[owl hooting]

We can't fix what's wrong with society,
but we can fix the trash chute.

That trash chute is so crowded
the rats called the Health Department.

- [woman] She ain't lying.
- [man] That's right!

And don't get me started
on that elevator again.

Y'all know when the elevator
ain't out of order, the smell is.

Can't tell if someone's peed in there
or they're selling pickles.

- Yeah, man!
- I like pickles.

And the laundry machine!

It is supposed to
get your clothes clean, right?

All our clothes look like
they were designed by Kanye.

- You're right.
- Absolutely.

The hot water is cold,
the cold water don't work,

and the sidewalks out front
grab your feet and make you fall.

The stairwells are so dangerous
you gotta worry about being robbed,

and that's from the rats!

Took my baby girl's whole birthday cake.

- [man] That's how them rats be.
- Man, f*ck them rats.

Keep your eyes peeled. Could be anyone.

[Reggie] Mm-hmm.

[ominous music playing]

[Reggie] Now, who let
the radioactive n*gro in?

If you want safe sidewalks,
water the color of water,

and, I don't know, stairs?
We all need stairs, right?

I'd like some stairs.

You know we have
a ladder made out of hair?

Come on now. What we doing, y'all?

I'll tell you
what you should be doing, huh?

Voting for Beverly!

'Cause despite what my opponent says,
it is that bad.

We need a change, y'all.

That change is me.
I'll never let you down.

Vote Beverly Evans!

[all] Beverly! Beverly! Beverly!

Everyone. Now is the time for you

to show Beverly Evans
your dissatisfaction.

And when I say now, I mean now!

Now is the time for you
to let your sh*t of disapproval ring out,

and let it start now!

Right here in this room, right now!
g*dd*mn it.

[dramatic music playing]

[people gasping]

Beverly!

[g*n fire]

Ah, I've been hit!
They sh*t me like G-Baby!

[Reggie groaning]

[woman] Can we vote already
so we can get to the donut holes?

Dad, are you okay?

[gasping] Oh, baby.

Reggie, baby.

Maybe I should call 911.

I've already been sh*t once.
I'll fight through it.

Oh!

I just hope it didn't hit any vitals.

Please, it hit you square in your ass.
The only thing in danger was your brain.

Well, I risked it, saving my baby's life.

Oh. Thank the Lord for your thrifty ways.

Your tight wallet
might have saved your life.

[phone ringing]

Yes. Mm-hmm. Mmm.
And all the votes are in?

Even the overseas and mail-in ballots?

Okay. Okay. No. Thank you.

So, the results are in.

- Mom...
- Yes, baby?

You lost.

[sighing]

That's some bullshit. They cheated.

No. No. It's okay.

What's meant for me is meant for me.

I'll be honest. Part of me is relieved.

But if I was able to convince
even a few people to say it is that bad,

maybe it was all worth it.

- Guess I might as well fix dinner.
- No, baby, you sit down.

No matter what those votes say,

you're still the president
of this apartment.

Let me cook for you.

Oh, that's sweet. But I heard the roaches,

and I think we're all better off
if I do the cooking.

Oh, she's back! Won't he do it!

[ominous music playing]

I'll get rid of that Evans family,
once and for all.

[Dalvin] Get her.

- [owl screeching]
- [Delphine screaming]

Black Jesus, save me!

[grunting]

[screams, grunts]

[whistles]

No! No.

I have donut holes. Please.

[groaning] Help me! For the love of God

and the traditionally portrayed
white Jesus, somebody do somethin'. Ah!

Nobody fucks with my mama.

[phone ringing]

Grey speaking. Uh-huh.

Oh, really? Man, that universe, huh?

Okay.

Well, no. Thank you.

Beverly, Delphine fell
through the floor-to-floor hole.

She's dead.

[mysterious music playing]

Beverly, congrats.

You're the president now.

Wow.

Congrats, Ma!

Congrats, best friend.

I'm officially
the president's hairstylist.

Yesterday's prices are not today's prices.

[hip hop music playing]

You got the juice now, Ma.