01x07 - Wide World of Wales

[bunniefuu]

Spanning Wales to bring you

a constant variety
of Welsh things...

The thrill of victory.

The agony of defeat.

Welcome
to The Wide World of Wales.

Brought to you
by Aviation Gin, obviously...

TikTok, where you can
follow any number

of middle-aged
Welsh football team owners.

Ifor Williams...

The best [bleep] damn
horse trailers you can get.

And Expedia,

where you can explore the world

and also book a vacation
to Wales.

You probably want to fly
into Manchester or Liverpool.

Once you're there,
it's a quick a drive.

Possibly 30 to 40 minutes
depending...

Rob, they know
how to plan a trip.

Sorry.

Welcome to Wrexham.

Or, more specifically, Wales.

You might be
a little confused right now.

Not just by Rob's decision

to look like a stand-in
in a Guy Ritchie movie,

but because
the last few episodes,

you've been watching
a documentary

about an underdog football team
from Wales

and two Hollywood movie stars.

Uh, I'm more of a TV star.

Oh! Aww.

Anyway...

TV's, like, way cooler
than movies.

- You know that, right?
- Yeah, it is.

I mean, where have you been
for, like, the last ten years?

- You've been making movies.
- Making movies.

Anyway, we left off
with Ryan and I headed

to Wrexham for the first time,

and even though
you might have gotten

a small sense
of this amazing place,

we thought it only appropriate

to do a little deeper dive
on Wales.

You know, my daughters,
they love whales...

Really any of God's
little underwater creatures.

The country.

Wales the country.

That's what we're here
talking about.

Um...

We suspect a lot of people
out there don't really know

what Wales exactly is.

My partner certainly doesn't.

And I didn't before last year,

and we bought
a football team there.

Holy [bleep].

So tonight we're going
to immerse ourselves in Wales...

The country...

And what makes it different
from England,

which is also a country.

- Mm-hmm.
- Wales and its identity,

its traditions, and why it is
the ultimate underdog story.

That's right,
it's a very special episode

involving learning.

- But don't worry.
- You won't learn much.

And I suspect you'll retain
almost none of it.

First up tonight,
we welcome John Green,

author of
Turtles All the Way Down

and The Fault in Our Stars.

John, how about
a crash course in Wales?

Hello, and welcome
to Crash Course.

Today we're learning
about Wales,

a land of majesty, dampness,
and epic place names.

Let's begin with the first fact

Welsh people want you to know.

Wales is not England.

That's England, that's Scotland,

and this is Wales.

Now, the political situation
here is exceptionally complex.

Wales is a country and has
its own language, Welsh,

and its own parliament,
the Senedd.

But at the same time,
Wales is part

of a sovereign nation
called the United Kingdom.

So, like, when competing
in the World Cup,

Welsh athletes compete
for Wales.

But in the Olympics,

Welsh athletes may compete
for Great Britain.

And to understand
this strange situation,

we're gonna need some history.

As early as 1,000 B. C. E.,

the Celts were living
in what we now call Wales.

Centuries later, the Romans
took over the region

before leaving
in the early fifth century,

and by the sixth,
the country was a patchwork

of independent tribes
and kingdoms.

But around that time,
touchstones

of what would become
a unified Welsh culture

were starting to emerge.

Then in the eighth century,
an English king built

a man-made earthwork,

which is like
a fancy archaeological term

for piles of soil and rock,

along what was becoming

the border between Wales
and England.

But the English kept
peering over

that tall, earthy fence...

By which I mean invading.

Wales resisted these invasions,

most famously
under the leadership

of Llywelyn ap Gruffudd,

who was known
as Llywelyn the Last

for a reason.

Following the English
King Edward I's w*r

beginning in 1282,
Wales lost its independence.

But it's one thing
to control some land.

It's another to control people,

and over the centuries,

English kings and wards built

hundreds of castles in Wales

which served both as, like,
medieval Airbnbs

and as symbols of England's
power over the locals.

In fact, to this day,

Wales has more castles
per square mile

than anywhere else in Europe.

Eventually, in 1400,

self-declared Prince of Wales
Owain Glyndwr

led a nationwide mutiny
against Henry IV's England.

That rebellion
ultimately failed, though.

And a few English Henrys later,

Henry VIII's parliament
formally united

Wales and England
into a single political system.

All right, let's flash forward
to the 19th century

when tolls were imposed
on privately-owned roads

at the expense of Welsh workers.

Riots ensued,

most famously the Rebecca riots,

named after a line from Genesis

where Rebecca is promised

that her descendants will
"possess the gates

of those who hate them,"

which is pretty metal.

But not as metal as Wales.

Please, God,
forgive me for that pun.

Its mineral-rich landscape
was mined and exported

to fuel
the Industrial Revolution

which led to a major
19th-century transformation

in Wales
from an agricultural economy

to an industrial one.

And as that happened,
popular protests

for workers' rights persisted.

In other words,
the people did eventually take

possession of the gates.

And those people,

many of them were
speaking Welsh.

Today, Wales remains
a part of the United Kingdom,

and so like Scotland
and Northern Ireland,

it lacks some characteristics

of a truly independent
nation-state.

But Wales endures,

as do celebrations of Welshness

such as Saint David's Day,

a holiday where you attend
festivals, play music,

and pin a leek to your lapel.

Because, I don't know,
traditions are weird

and beautiful everywhere you go.

And of course there are
Welsh sports.

Welsh football has revived
the protest song "Yma o Hyd"

that celebrates the endurance
of the underdog.

And all of these
historical developments led

to the most important event
in the history of Wales,

which was, of course,
when the fifth-tier

football club in Wrexham
was purchased by Ryan Reynolds

and his friend who works out
all the time

but still isn't as hot
as Ryan Reynolds.

Thanks for watching
Crash Course.

Back to you, Rob and Ryan.

Mm. Good God, I love history.

- What's that?
- Where did you get that?

- What?
- The glasses and the...

This is a lunch menu
and these are fake.

I want something for my hands.

You know, I believe
Wales may be older

than It's Always Sunny
in Philadelphia, Rob.

Oh, or your self-aware
winking to the camera, Ryan.

Good God, I love self-aware
winking to the camera.

Next up, our good friend
Maxine Hughes helps us

cook up something special.

Croeso nol, welcome back
to Welsh or Else,

where we highlight
the best of Welsh cooking.

Today, we're joined
by the co-chairmen

of the North Walian
football club

the Wrexham Red Dragons,

Hollywood stars Ryan Reynolds
and Rob McElhenney.

How come I have to wear
the apron

- and you're not wearing one?
- 'Cause you do

what you're [bleep] told, that's why.

Hey, boys?

I'm gonna take off the apron.

Well, I am so excited

to share some Welsh cooking
with everyone.

- You guys ready?
- Ready.

- Yeah.
- Excited.

Now, Maxine, you're not

just an amazing
Welsh translator.

You're actually...
You're a journalist.

- I'm a journalist, yeah.
- I live in D. C.

I've lived there
for a few years.

I mostly do
political journalism,

so it's a little bit different
than dealing with you guys.

What does "DC" stand for?

- Hmm.
- I'm more of a Marvel guy.

Oh, I know. I know.

Now how many Welsh speakers

are there in the world
right now?

So I'd say
there's around a million,

which is a really good number

because we're
a very small country,

about 3.8 million of us.

So it's-it's getting there.

- And so today you're...
- You're gonna teach us

a little Welsh cooking

with a side order
of Welsh language.

So I thought we'd start
by cooking

one of my favorite dishes.

It's a very traditional dish
called lamb cawl.

Can you guys say cawl?

- Cawl.
- Cawl.

It means stew in Welsh.

So there's a lot of lambs
in Wales, though,

if I'm not mistaken, right?
That's, uh... a common...

- Yeah. Very common.
- Animal.

Yeah, lamb farming
is-is a big deal in Wales.

Hey, let's take a look.

Poor little Rob.

No, that's Ryan.

- That's Rob.
- It's definitely Ryan.

I mean,
it's a beautiful piece of lamb.

- Mm.
- It's probably Rob.

So there's this other dish
called Welsh Cakes.

- Let's do that.
- Let's make the Welsh Cakes.

- Welsh Cakes?
- Yeah.

Okay.

- Okay, so these are Welsh Cakes.
- Okay.

In Welsh, we call them
picau ar y maen.

- Picara-mine?
- Picar-mine.

- Ar y maen.
- Ara-mine.

- Ar-mine.
- Ar y maen.

They're very popular in Wales.

We eat them
on Saint David's Day,

but we-we eat them
all year round really.

They're like a...
They're kind of like a cross

between a pancake
and a scone and...

- You ready to make them?
- Let's do it, yeah.

- Learn how to make them?
- Okay, great.

We're gonna learn a bit
of Welsh now, okay, guys?

- Sure.
- Okay.

So take your flour, your blawd.

We're gonna put the flour
into the bowl.

Okay.

Sugar. Siwgr nesaf.

- Sugar.
- Sugar next.

All right.

- A little bit of sbeis.
- Sbeis.

A little bit of spice, okay?

And then we're gonna put
the fruit that you got...

- The currants, the raisins...
- Yeah.

All right,
we're gonna put the menyn,

the butter and the lard in next.

So I'm gonna use my fork...
Fforch.

- Fforch?
- Fforch.

- Fforch?
- It's a Disney show.

- We'll bleep it out.
- Rob, there's an "R."

- There's an "R" in it.
- It's a Disney show.

- Fforch.
- Fforch.

Get the fforch in there.

Get... all right.

All right, let's get
the menyn in the bowl then.

You can use your spoon. Llwy.

- Can you say llwy?
- Llwy.

How do you speak without...

I feel like I just spit
all over the...

- I... you know what?
- Let's just put your hands...

Get your hands in there.
Start mixing.

Cymysgu. Can you say cymysgu?

Cymysgu.

It looks very dry to me.

Ew, yours looks horrible.

- Yeah.
- Let's see yours.

- What happened to yours?
- What?

How do you say
"the butter is not soft"

in Welsh?

Great.

So we're gonna need
to roll this out now.

All right, just... you don't need
to make... go too-too flat.

Okay, take your...
Take your cutter.

It's a circle. Cylch.

Cylch.

Let's make
a little-little circle.

We're gonna cook them.
Coginio. Cook.

- Let's put them on. Ooh.
- Nice.

There's a little sizzle
going on.

Nice.

Okay.

Looks like a Welsh Cake to me.

Looks like... well,
it smells like a Welsh Cake.

This bed is on fire
with passionate love

Time to flip them.

How do you say
Welsh cakes again?

Picau ar y maen.

Picau ar y maen.

- Great.
- That's a mouthful.

W-what would it sound like
if you said it in a sentence?

Um, let me think of something.

Okay, um...

That's beautiful.

Sounds like... it's like poetry.

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

You think they're ready?

They look pretty good.

- Barod I fwyta?
- Barod.

- Ready to eat?
- Take them off?

- Yeah.
- Let's have a look.

All right,
they look pretty good.

This one's yours, Ryan.

Just... let's keep Rob's separate.

I'm gonna put siwgr...
Siwgr on the top.

- Siwgr.
- Yeah.

How do you say "terrible"
in Welsh?

Ofnadwy.

- Ofnadwy.
- How do you say "idiot"

- in Welsh?
- Eh, twmffat.

Twmffat.

- - I'm gonna try one of these.
- And how do you say

both terrible... let's say,
what would "terrible"

and "idiot" sound like
in a sentence together?

Um, okay, a sentence. Um...

You're having a mid-life crisis?

You play hockey?

This is Sports Center.

Tonight on Sports Center,

can the Wrexham Red Dragons

shake off their losing streak?

We look at a few pictures
when Ryan and I played sports

and make smart remarks
about them.

And we count down the top plays

of the year so far.

Welcome to the big show,
everybody.

I'm Rob McElhenney,

currently fulfilling
a boyhood dream

of calling an episode
of Sports Center.

And I'm Ryan Reynolds,
fulfilling a boyhood dream

of wearing a suit to work
and sitting at a desk.

This is still Sports Center.

Welcome to...

- Sports Center.
- Yeah.

Since our takeover
and infusion of talent,

the Red Dragons have,
quite frankly, struggled.

Yeah, we sit in seventh place,

losing to teams that we should
be winning against.

This isn't really going
exactly the way we...

No, we're financially
bleeding to death...

- Yeah.
- From self-inflicted stupidity

- and an unsound business plan.
- Yeah.

And for those of you who are not

in the world of sports,
uh, you're supposed to win.

- It's helpful.
- We sit in seventh place,

while Stockport seems like

the team to b*at
in the national league.

Let's take a look at Wrexham's
first match against Stockport.

We go to Edg eley
Park where the place is hoppin'...

And also the players.

In the first minute,

Stockport County have a throw-in

which results
in a decent chance on goal

but is easily saved
by Rob Lainton

who then boots it upfield
to a sprinting Paul Mullin

who does exactly
what Paul Mullin does...

Put one in the back of the net.

The Wrexham fans
who traveled to see the game

are super excited
and I'm sure 100% sober.

23 minutes later,
McAlinden feeds

an amazing ball to Mullin
who switches feet

for a great chance on goal.

Up 1-0 at the half.
God, we look great.

Got this one in the bag,
right, Rob?

Wrong!

Because we [bleep] lose this one, Ryan.

Yeah, the guy goes
to the corner, he throws it,

- and then this [bleep] guy...
- Oh, got it.

Hits it in with his head.
They score.

- [bleep] that guy.
- So, yeah, this is...

- This is great.
- Yep. Yep. It's great.

Great like a mule kick
to the testicles.

Also, spoiler alert, I guess...

I-I don't care. I don't care.

Because I'm the anchor
and I can do

whatever I want.

And then with ten minutes
left to go,

this [bleep] guy
comes up the left side.

He kicks over to this guy
on the right.

Oh, this is the worst!

- Oh, you're [bleep] kidding me.
- sh**t and carries off,

like, five of our guys
and they [bleep] kick it in.

- Oh, it hurts so bad.
- And then the game's over

- 'cause they win. Yep.
- Goal.

We just keep on losing.

So [bleep] good at losing.

God, we're the best.

But just because the Dragons
aren't playing

up to their full potential
quite yet doesn't mean

there haven't been
some fantastic plays.

- Indeed.
- It's been a team effort.

And we've compiled our list
of top ten plays

of the year so far.

Number ten, Mr. Paul Mullin
lifts one up

from the top of the box.

Man, he makes it look easy.

Number nine,
Cam Green with a nifty

left-footed treat.

Number eight,

Dior Angus
with the quick reflexes.

Nice job, Dior.

Number seven,

Paul Mullin blasts one home
from the penalty box.

He's taking his ball
and going home.

Number six,

David Jones,
from a million miles away,

blasts a screamer
past the goalie.

Number five,
Paul Mullin using that head.

Speaking of heads,

Jordan Davies' head was
in the right place

at the right time
and he used it as well.

In at number three,

Paul Mullin bends
like a Spice Girl's husband

and then does
a little trash-talking.

Number two,

just in case you thought
it was the Glory Boys

that get the glory,
Rob Lainton makes

the save of the season.

Then he has a couple
of choice words

for his opponent.

It's a family show, Rob.

And number one,

Paul Mullin once again
using that head.

You know, so often,
Sports Center focuses

on professional sports.

But a lot of us stop
playing sports competitively

much younger.

So with the help of Rob's dad,

I've unearthed some footage
of Rob playing sports

when he was just a child.

I think you can see
where this is going, Rob.

- Abject humiliation.
- Absolutely.

Let's go to Philadelphia
in the 1990s.

Okay, Rob's the little one
in case you didn't know.

Okay, can we just
address this right now?

I am not small.

It's just that you're
abnormally large,

and I'm constantly standing
next to you in this show.

Well, what about Humphrey?

Humphrey? Humphrey is a giant.

You can't compare me
to Humphrey.

He's... okay, you know what?
I look normal on the show.

You guys are the ones that look

like oversized g*ons.

Look at some of my other shows

where I'm standing
next to normal-sized people.

You see? So it's all relative.

But enough about me, Ryan.

Let's talk about you
and your past.

Because I spoke with your mom.

And I actually unearthed
some photos

of your old playing days.

And I thought we would all
enjoy them together.

Oh. Thank you, Mom.

Let's take a look.

And here is you playing goalie

in what looks like
the worst soccer field

I have ever seen.

It wasn't so bad.

It was 80% gravel
and 20% broken glass,

which made you appreciate
the gravel.

Who's taking that picture, Ryan?

My dad, actually.
If you zoom in,

you could see me looking
for his approval.

Uh, still looking for it.

That one is so sad
I'm just gonna let it go.

Tomorrow night,
a hard-hitting 30 for 30

investigating whatever happened
to the Wrexham Robin,

beloved mascot for decades

until it mysteriously
disappeared in 2013

only to be replaced
by a much more dynamic,

focus-group friendly dragon.

I heard kids love dragons.

- You gotta love that merch.
- Good night, everyone.

Yeah, uh, oh... no, there's
a whole other segment.

What?

There's a whole
other segment, so...

- Can you handle it?
- No!

I can't do it alone...
It's a two-person gig.

Oh, God, the whining.

You belong
in Bristol, Connecticut.

Oh, lovely.

Wow.
Welcome to Wales Late Night,

the only late-night talk show
that counts sheep

as an important part
of their demographic.

- That was terrible.
- Horrible.

Tonight we are going to welcome

a very special Welsh guest,

but first we're going
to walk over while music plays

because I believe that's how
these things are done.

Yes, let's walk over.

- Oh?
- Uh...

- Who gets the chair?
- We didn't, um...

Probably should have
talked about this before we...

- Yeah.
- Walked out

'cause the people are waiting...

You want to Welsh
Rochambeau for it?

What's a Welsh Rochambeau?

"What's a Welsh Rochambeau?"

What an idiot.

I see you've heard
of Welsh Rochambeau.

Well, I feel more well-informed.

Ryan, how about you?

I feel like I have
a black belt in Wales, Rob.

No show about Wales
would be complete

without some singing.

Wales is known
as the land of song.

To close our show,
please welcome

Welsh legend Charlotte Church.

- Hello.
- Hello.

How are you doing?
How are you? Come on.

Good to see you.

Hey. Hi, Rob. How are you?

- All right, how are you?
- Ah, marvelous.

Welcome to Welcome to Wrexham.

- Thank you.
- That's fun to say.

Welcome to Welcome to Wrexham.

That's what I'm supposed to say
'cause I'm the host.

- Sorry, yeah, I'm the...
- I'm the Ed McMahon here.

- Yeah.
- Thank you for flying in

for this.
We are... we're so grateful.

- Oh, my gosh.
- It is such a pleasure.

What part of Wales are you from?

- I'm from Cardiff.
- I'm from South Wales.

When was the first time
you remember

where you're like,
"I-I can sing.

But not just sing.
Like, I can sing..."

"For real."

It was when I was about three.

And I'd come home from nursery
and I would know

every word to every song
on the radio.

I think when I realized was

when I started getting
attention for it, I suppose.

- Uh-huh.
- When I was about...

Ryan doesn't know
anything about that.

No, no, I don't know anything...

Well, my children only sing
"Baby Shark."

And it's... the attention is
pure negativity.

Like, it's just... I-I... yeah.
It's terrible.

My wife Blake did a movie
where she's...

Called The Shallows
where she's being att*cked

- by a shark.
- Oh, gosh.

I was just like,
"Yeah, you really like

"'Baby Shark'?

- "How do you like that?"
- Oh, no!

- Oh, no, you didn't!
- No, you didn't.

- Maybe...
- no, I wouldn't do that.

You got three little girls,
do you?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Aww, lush.

I've got two big ones,
13 and 14,

- and a little one.
- Whoa!

Would you do us the honor

of singing us a song?

I would absolutely love
to sing for you guys.

And I want to sing
for you guys as a thank you

on behalf of everybody
in Wales, so...

We are having
the time of our lives.

- Truly.
- We're having...

It's been incredible,
and for as much fun

as we've been having...
And we've been laughing

and doing all sorts
of these kinds of things,

and it's just, like, super fun...

But the warmth that we've felt

and the embrace that we've felt
from the entire nation,

let alone the town of Wrexham,
has just been overwhelming.

- Yeah.
- It seems to me

that everyone from Wrexham,

and particularly
everyone from Wales,

is an ambassador of Wales.

Yeah, totally.

Like, there's a pride
that is unshakeable.

- Yeah, totally.
- And I think

it's really wonderful.

Charlotte, so what will you
be singing today?

Today I'm gonna sing for you

a Welsh classic,
"Men of Harlech,"

which I believe
is very popular at...

Huge.

Wrexham Football Club.

So here we go.

- Yes.
- "Men of Harlech."

From the rocks rebounding

Let the w*r cry sounding

Summon all at Cambria's call

The haughty foe surrounding

Men of Harlech, on to glory

See your banner famed in story

Wave these burning words
before ye