01x10 - Ye Olde Dating Game

[bunniefuu]

Spring dance only
comes once a year

and there's only one thing
stopping Gabriel barnett

from asking me to the dance

and that's Gabriel barnett
asking me to the dance.

There he is.

I'm going in.

That's it.

I'm through playing hard-to-get.

He didn't even look at you.

Eddie, what does a girl have
to do to get a guy to notice her?

What is under my nail?

I swear I don't
remember eating that.

Stinky sturkey.

Oh... hi, guys.

Hey.

So, you ladies going
to the spring dance?

I love spring.

Everything just smells so fresh.

Ah... so, you guys

know anybody that
still doesn't have

a date for the dance?

No.

'Cause Ben sturkey's looking.

Oh, man. Poor Ben.

He is so desperate to
find a date to the dance.

Desperate is not good.

Please ask me to the dance.

Please.

Rae, I've always wanted
you to be my girlfriend.

Chelsea, I just saw Gabriel

ask me to be his girlfriend

at the renaissance dance

and he's going as a prince.

My prince.

Hey, Rae, guess who just told me

he wants to ask
you to the dance.

Oh, I have a pretty good idea

and, trust me, I will
be ready for him.

Good for you. I mean,
'cause not a lot of girls

would go with stinky sturkey.

You know, that's
just the kind of girl...

I'm going where with who?

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ if you could gaze
into the future ♪

♪ future, future ♪

♪ you might think life
would be a breeze ♪

♪ life is a breeze ♪

♪ seeing trouble
from a distance ♪

♪ yeah ♪ go, Rae.

♪ But it's not that easy ♪

♪ oh, no ♪
take it to the bridge now.

♪ I try to save the situation ♪

♪ then I end up misbehaving ♪

♪ hey, now, say, now ♪

♪ about to put it
down, yeah, come on ♪

♪ and ride with the break, now ♪

♪ in that the future
looks great now ♪

♪ and everything's
gonna change now ♪

♪ let's keep it going ♪
♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's the future I can see ♪

♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's so mysterious to me... ♪

Yep, that's me.

There is no way I can
dj this dance, Chelsea.

Eddie, why not?

Because you picked this
lame renaissance theme.

I mean, I could have
done '50s sock hop.

I could have even
done... what? Motown.

I would have even
done country-western.

All the cowboys in the house

say, "ho!"

See the activity I'm doing

I could have did it real good.

Eddie, the elizabethan era
was cool and it was exciting.

You know, there was
dancing and jousting

and juggling and...

plus, I'm the head

of the dance committee

so that means I get to
be your queen... therefore

I command you to be the dj!

Please.

Have you seen Raven Baxter?

Help me! Help me! Hide me!

He's coming after me.

He's coming after me.

Uh, Rae... the bale is not

hiding the Booty.

You guys

I have been running
from Ben all day.

You know, Rae, if he asks
you, you could just say no.

I know, but he's
such a sweet guy

I don't want to
hurt his feelings.

Besides, I just want Gabriel
to ask me first so I can say

"gee, Ben, I'm sorry

but I already have
a date to the dance.

Oh. So, Gabriel
takes you to the dance.

He asks you to be his girlfriend

and then your vision comes true.

I wasn't thinking that far ahead

but that's all good to me.

He's a hundred feet and closing.

I still have time to escape.

Did I just see
Raven come in here?

Uh... I have not
seen Raven anywhere.

It's funny, 'cause I
feel like I just keep...

Missing... her.

All right, well, I'll see you.

Hey.

Hey.

Uh, no... hay,
stuck in your hair.

Look, there's Gabriel.

Okay, if my vision's
going to come true

I've got to get him to
ask me to that dance.

Hey, Gabriel, nice camera.

Uh, this?

Nah. This is just the
multizone autofocus

with the 200-millimeter
zoom lens.

Oh, well, you know, I
can throw mine away.

Nice picture.

But, uh... I wasn't even ready.

Oh, but those are the best ones.

You see, I like things
that are spontaneous.

You do?

Well, you know, there's
a dance tomorrow night.

Yeah, I know, but I'm not going.

Oh, me neither.

Isn't that funny?

You're not going...
I'm not going.

How come you're not going?

I'm just not really
into dancing.

I hate dancing. Me neither.

But your shirt says,
"loves to dance."

Well, that's, that's,
that's because...

I borrowed it from her.

She's a dancing fool.

Well, yeah, I'm
just a dancing fool.

That's enough, dancing, fool.

Okay.

You know, I really
don't even know

why they have
these spring dances.

Nobody even dances.

But, you know, they're good

for a lot of different things.

I mean, people talk,
you know, socialize.

Relationships are formed.

You know what?

I'd love to.

Great, because
that's Riley's seat.

Right. Okay.

He is so wrong, Rae.

That's Matthew's seat.

Rae, I don't know
about this petticoat.

It doesn't seem very royal.

Well, unless the queen
wants her royal pants

stuck in her royal butt

she'd better be royally
quiet. Okay? All right.

So, Rae, um... Do you think

you'd go to the dance
with Ben if he didn't smell?

Honestly? No. I
mean, he's a nice guy

but unless he took a shower
and came out as Gabriel

it ain't there for me.

Well, you can't just
hide from him forever.

Girl, I don't need
forever. Okay?

I just need enough time
for my future boyfriend

to ask me to the dance.

Rae, I mean, I've
been kinda sorta

holding this back
because I knew you'd feel...

I heard that Gabriel is
taking Rachel to the dance.

Really?

Oh, Rae, I'm sorry.

Hey, Raven

your stinky boyfriend's here.

Oh, no. Ben found me.

At your house. Imagine that.

You know what, Corey?

I need you to get
rid of him for me.

Too bad some guys
just can't read woman.

If a girl doesn't like you

she doesn't like you.

But if she likes
you you know it.

Ain't that right, baby?

Be gone.

Okay, but I'll be back.

Leave him to me.

I'll let him down easy.

Raven told me to tell you

she's not hiding
upstairs in her bedroom.

Got it.

Now if you'll excuse me

I'm due back in surgery.

Tell your sister I
get the message.

Hey, Ben.

Oh, that's okay.

Your brother made
things pretty clear.

Hey, Ben, how would you like

to go to the dance with me?

You want to go with me?

Why not?

I mean, you don't have a date

I definitely don't got a date

and now we do.

Really?

Yeah.

Score.

Well, uh, I'll pick
you up at 7:00.

Oh... me and my
mom will pick you up.

Rae, what'd you just do?

Look, okay, he's a nice guy

and he wants to go with me.

Besides, I'm not going with
the guy that I want to go with

so what's the big deal?

Hello?

Hi, Gabriel.

You want to go to
the dance with me?

What? You're going with Ben...

But I kind of heard that
you were going with Rachel.

It ain't true, huh?

Look, Gabriel, um,
it's really sweet of you

to ask me to the dance, but...

I'd love to go!

Okay, bye.

What? I love to dance.

The only way I'm going to
get out of this date with Ben

is for him to find me
disgusting and repulsive.

Have you tried standing
this close to him?

Okay... look.

I don't want to
hurt Ben's feelings

so the only way
to get through it

is to get him to dump me.

Well, let me just pull out

my "what's disgusting
about Raven" file.

Let me see, what
do we have here?

You have a file on that?

Let's start with
the a's, shall we?

You have it alphabetical?

Alphabetical, by date, by
location and by body part.

How do you want it?

Surprise me.

Okay, body parts.

You clip your toenails
at the Kitchen table.

I do not.

You blow your nose and
then look in the tissue.

That was once, and it
was a surprising color.

You could make a wig

from all the hair you
leave in the shower drain.

Okay, now, that is ridiculous.

The truth isn't
pretty, my friend.

Okay, look, that's Ben.

I'm going to go
upstairs and get ready.

You let him in, and
start making me look bad.

A job I was born to do.

I'm here to fetch fair Raven.

She's upstairs deciding
whether she can get away with

the same underwear
three days in a row.

Come in.

So, I see you're wearing armor.

Smart man.

What do you mean?

Have you ever seen Raven eat?

She's like a blender
without the lid.

Brrrr... plat!

Hey! Sorry I'm late.

I didn't finish shaving.

Ooh, nice suit.

Let me... Oh, uh... You shave.

Twice a day. You know?

Oh, and if you don't
want to be seen with me

I totally understand.

Oh, no, Raven, I care
about what's on the inside.

Oh, you do?

Oh, that's great.

Well, could you help me out?

Look in here. Wait...

Is there a bat in the cave?

No. Check me.

Dance, peasants, dance!

Oh, welcome to my
merry, merry feast, sir knight

and... ugly hag.

Hey, Ben, do you mind
getting me some punch?

Oh, oh, we haveth
no punch, only grog.

Fine. Diet grog,
grog, I don't care.

Just grog me. Okay, thanks.

Well, at least he
doesn't smell tonight.

Girl, it must be that armor.

I mean, the stink is sealed
in there like a can of tuna.

Mmm.

Oh, look, there's Gabriel.

Rae, you cannot let
him see you like that.

Girl, you know I got
it covered. Please.

All right, all right, all right.

This one here goes out to all
the pretty ladies in the castle.

Tonight we're going
to party like it's 1599!

Eddie, no one's dancing.

You try to get a groove going
with the music you gave me.

Edward! Do not
question your queen.

Now return to
your castle of funk

and get thee jiggy with it.

You got problems.

Ooh, wow.

If I knew you were
going to get so dressed up

I would have worn pants.

So, who are you supposed to
be, prince charming, or something?

No, actually, charming was taken

so you're stuck with
prince congeniality.

Not really charming, but...
I'm popular around the castle.

I could listen to
you talk forever.

But not right now.

Okay. What...?

Hey, eat, drink, be merry.

Love me, miss me.

Okay.

Jester.

You have displeased me.

To... the stocks!

Hey, come on, let's dance, okay?

It may be kind of hard in this

but I can take it off.

No!

What? They were finally dancing.

Your queen is not amused.

We need the classics.

Well, it's motown!

I want something more like this.

♪ La-la, la-la... ♪

Protect your queen!

Protect your queen!
Protect your queen!

Protect your queen!

Oh!

Hey, uh, I can't see.

Oh, well, then just
feel the music. Okay.

So... something
you want to tell me?

Yeah.

Um...

What's that on your tooth?

My tooth?

Uh-huh.

My tooth. Right.

Well, actually...

Hi, Chelsea.

Well, you've managed
to bump the royal heinie!

To the stocks.

Chelsea?

To the stocks!

Chelsea... Now,
to the stocks. Go!

Chelsea, no!

Just play along and
accept your punishment.

So, how are things going

with prince charming
and sir stink-a lot?

Not good. Okay?

Gabriel hasn't asked
me to be his girlfriend

Ben, he-he hasn't dumped me

and my best friend
just put me in the stocks.

So, come here, look.

I am psychic, and I
didn't see this coming.

Man, so how long do you
think you can keep this up?

Just long enough for Gabriel
and I to have some alone time.

But for some reason, Ben
keeps hanging around me.

I don't know, Rae, maybe
it's because he's your date.

Oh, look, look.

Gabriel's going into the hall.

This is my chance.

I got to get out of here.

Eddie? Eddie, I can't...
I can't get out of here.

It's locked, Rae, it's locked.

Well, there's just no time.

And now... Let
the jousting begin!

Rae. Rae!

Rachel, just stop
and talk to me.

What?

Rachel, I really wanted to
come to the dance with you.

Then why are you
here with Raven Baxter?

Because you said yes to jarrod

and Raven's been
dropping hints all week.

Look, she's a nice girl

and she really
wanted to go with me.

Look, I felt bad for her

so I just asked
her to the dance.

It's no big deal.

Do you like her?

No.

Look, it's just a pity date.

It doesn't mean anything.

Rae, I've always wanted
you to be my girlfriend.

I can't believe this.

Gabriel took me to the dance
because he felt sorry for me.

A pity date?

I mean, how could he do this?

I really liked this guy.

How could he do that to me?

Sort of like what
you did to Ben.

Yeah, right.

Hey, Ben.

I've got to tell you something

and it's really hard to say,
so... I'm just going to say it.

I shouldn't have
asked you to the dance.

I mean, the only reason I did
was because I knew you liked me

and I thought if I asked
you I would be nice and...

I guess it really wasn't
very nice, was it?

And I really... I'm
really sorry, Ben.

I know this is
hard to hear, but...

Ben. Ben, speak to me.

Wow.

Um, how much of
that did you hear?

Well, unless there
was a good part, all of it.

Ben, I really want
us to be friends.

That's good, right?

You hate me, don't you?

I could never hate you.

He might hate you, but...

I never could.

So, um... still need
a date to the dance?

Come on, my lady.

I mean, you know, it
could've been worse.

You could've been
here with another guy.

You don't know who
you're dealing with!

I am your queen!

Eddie, tell them!

Off with her head!

You've got that
mole on your foot

that looks like an extra toe.

It's over, Corey.

The only thing that grows
faster than the hair on your head

is the hair on your lip.