01x13 - Driven to Insanity

[bunniefuu]

Oh, hey, there.

You want me to come over
and do that biology homework

and rewrite that history paper?

I'm sorry. I didn't
quite catch that.

You want to go shopping
and get a pedicure?

That's what I thought you said.

No, no, and no!

That was weird.

I just had a vision

of my parents saying no.

About what?

Hello? They're parents.

Do they need a reason?

Let me see that.

I don't want to do that.

I can't believe it.

Chelsea, look.

There's that cute guy
from the video store.

Wait. He's in high school.
What's he doing here?

I don't know, but,
uh, teeth check.

You're good.

Hey, Raven.

Hey! Oh, you know my name.

Yeah, um, you
rented she's all that

about two weeks ago.

I sent you the late notice.

The one with the smiley face?

Yeah, that's me.

My name is Matthew.

So, I'm here to pick
up my little sister.

Why are you here?

I'm here, you
know, I'm here to...

To pick up my
little brother. Eddie?

Mom told me to give you

a bath before dinner.

Say what?

You go make sure
he does not wander.

Thank you.

Come on, Eddie.

She's doing the most...

Gosh, it's just...

So, Raven, I know
we just sort of met

but would you like to
do something with me

Friday night around 8:00?



That's kind of short notice.



All right.

I have a date Friday
night, and he's 17! Ooh!

Rae, your parents are
not going to let you go out

with a 17-year-old.

Wait, Rae, that's your vision!

Your parents are
going to say no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

See, that's only the first no.

Trick is you keep
asking, asking and asking.

No, no, and no!

Can't we talk about this?

I feel I'm not getting...

I'm sorry. That was rude.

Where was I again?

Oh, yeah. No!

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ if you could gaze
into the future ♪

♪ future, future ♪

♪ you might think life
would be a breeze ♪

♪ life is a breeze ♪

♪ seeing trouble
from a distance ♪

♪ yeah ♪ go, Rae.

♪ But it's not that easy ♪

♪ oh, no ♪
take it to the bridge now.

♪ I try to save the situation ♪

♪ then I end up misbehaving ♪

♪ hey, now, say, now ♪

♪ about to put it
down, yeah, come on ♪

♪ and ride with the break, now ♪

♪ in that the future
looks great now ♪

♪ and everything's
gonna change now ♪

♪ let's keep it going ♪
♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's the future I can see ♪

♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's so mysterious to me... ♪

Yep, that's me.

I can't believe they
just walked out.

I mean, they never
listen to anything I say.

Do your parents listen to you?

Well, they kind of have to,
Rae, they're both therapists.

I mean, it's just a little weird
when they tell me my time's up

and they'll see
me next wee, so...

but, anyway, Rae, well,
you have to call him

and you have to
tell him you can't go.

I can't do it. You do it.

Okay. No, I'll do it.

That's silly. No, you do it.

No, I think I should do it.

No, you do it.

Raven!

If you didn't want
to do it, just say so.

Hello, Matthew?

Hey! Yeah, like, it's Chelsea...

Raven's friend.

And she, like, wanted
me to tell you that

she, like, so can't
make it Friday night.

But she'll be able to make
it, like, Saturday night.

What?! Oh, yeah, so I
just wanted to let you know

that you are, like, so lucky

because she had

like, so many offers that night.

And so I'll see you
two lovebirds, all right?

Like, good-bye.
Get off the phone.

Okay, first of all

I so don't talk that
way, and... hello?

Your parents said you can't go.

Actually, I just had a vision

that my parents were
dancing in the living room

and there's only one night
when they go dancing: Saturday.

It's perfect.
They'll never know.

Okay, well, let me make
it like, so UN-perfect.

When you're out on your date,
who's going to baby-sit Corey?

Ah, our first night together...

baby.

♪ Ooh, ah-ah. ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah. ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah. ♪

♪ Ooh... yeah! ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah. ♪

Man's good.

But he's nothing
without his baby.

Mmm!

Uh, you clean up pretty good.

Well, thank you very much.

Now, say something
nice about your mother.

Mom, you look hot.

See, I got a "hot."

You just got a "pretty good."

Mm-hmm.

Well, that's because
she didn't see me do this.

Now, that's hot.

No, that's painful.

That's because I
need to do my thing

on the dance floor.

I can't get my-my jiggy
down with a couch here.

Oh, well, let's not waste
any valuable jiggy-down time.

Now, listen, honey, any problems

you call me on
my cell, all right?

Now, Victor, I see
what you're doing.

If you think you can
rush me out that door...

I want that popcorn
cleaned up, now, oh...

Like I said, the man is good.

They're going out, and, um...

so am I.

Check it out.

It's my own creation.

Looks like a jacket,
works like a...

purse.

I got, uh, the cell
phone, the lip gloss

the nail file, and an extra roll

just in case, you know

I don't like the food
at the restaurant.

Rae, you look gorgeous.

You want to see gorgeous, baby?

I know.

It's like a dream come true.

Back it up, shaft.

What's he doing here?

Well, uh...

I'll be your date
for this evening.

I know. It's like a dream
come true, ain't it, sugar?

Uh, no more, thanks.

So... You drive a car.

Ooh, that is so cool.

Don't you drive?

Yeah.

But, you know, your car
has... That new car smell.

It-it does?

Well, it was my grandfather's.

Well, you know, me, I
love the new car smell

and the old people
smell, love 'em both.

Smells great.

Hey, man, what
you doing with that?

Cleaning up the popcorn.

Who am I fooling

thinking Chelsea would ever
like a stupid little kid like me?

Aw, man, look.

Just give it some time.

Five years, you'll be 14.

Then, of course,
Chelsea will be 19

and she still won't
be looking your way.

The good news is, I'll
be dating college girls.

I was just impressed
you got the math right.

Now could you help me
with this vacuum bag?

It's a little full.

All right.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Rae.

You are so dead meat!

Uh-oh. Hold on.

Maybe you should go
home and take a shower.

Forget it!

I'm taking a shower right here!

"Eddie, help me,
the bag is full."

You little oompa loompa!

Rae, when are you coming home?

Pretty soon if I keep
messing up on this date.

He is so mature

and I am acting
like such an idiot.

You should have heard
the lame things I said

about his car.

He's going to
figure out I'm not 17.

Look, Rae, just
be honest with him

and tell him your real age.

He's a nice guy. I'm
sure he'll understand.

You don't get out much, do you?

Look, Rae, just let him

do all the talking

and-and you just...
You just sit there

and-and look old.

So, do tell me about your life.

You going to finish that?

I was going to put it...

Okay, well, you can take it.

Rae, I love calamari.

Now you know calamari's
just a fancy name for squid.

"Ooh, save me from
the squid, Matthew!"

"He big, he trying
to get me, Matt!"

I'm going to save you, baby.

Well, let's see... I was
born in San Francisco.

My father's name is Jerome.

He's an optometrist.

And when I was seven...

I tried to join this one
camp in the woods.

But, you know, it
was the whole...

The whole wilderness
thing, you know?

Just-just way too...

way too prehistoric
for a brother.

What are you doing?

You want to see what I
can do with a tablecloth?

No.

Matthew... I really hate

to see this-this
wonderful evening end

but, um, I'm
feeling kind of sick.

Could you take me home?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

Um, just let me get the check.

Waiter? Waiter?

Waiter? Waiter!

I can't believe

I split my pants wide open.

Just when I was
getting my jiggy down.

And you're going to
keep your jiggy down. Sit.

Change of plans. Sit.

We're staying.

But I thought you
said you felt sick.

Sick. Yes, I do.

Yeah, sick of the thought

of ever letting this date end.

Oh, oh!

Look! Look, I'm a hockey goalie.

Cool, cool.

He goes left, goes right!

Score! Yes!

Who's your daddy?

Opa!

Opa!

Opa! Whatever!

No, I don't dance. No!

Oh, I'm too short,
I'm too short!

Okay, thank you.

All right, thanks.

Come on, I want
to get my opa on.

Honey, if your
pants split any more

everyone's going
to see your opa.

Oh.

Opa!

Opa!

Opa!

Hi.

Corey I told Raven I'd watch you

and I can do that whether
you're alive or dead.

Dead is less work.

I know.

Eddie's mad at me.

You're mad at me.

I'm sorry, okay?

I'm listening.

After Eddie gets
out of the shower

how about I make some popcorn

and the three of us
can watch a movie?

And Eddie can sit in the middle.

Okay.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Yeah!

♪ Smell good ♪

♪ smell good, yeah! ♪

Corey!

If you don't open this
door, you little brat...!

Let me out of here!

Open up, you...!

Man!

I'm gonna k*ll him!

Opa!

Opa!

Opa!

Opa!

Hello?

Oh, hi, Mrs. Baxter.

Opa!

Ooh.

Opa!

Oh, puh-lease.

Opa! Opa!

Come on, Eddie, don't be mad!

Eddie!

Eddie left?

Yeah.

He's still mad.

I'm sorry.

I'm such a jerk.

No, Corey, you're just a kid.

Come on, let's go
watch that movie.

You won't be ashamed to sit
on the same couch with me?

No.

I'll start the movie;
You get the sodas.

Corey... Get the
sodas, be happy.

I'll get you for that!

Oh, yeah, now, baby!

I'm gonna get you, man!

I'm gonna get you!

Hello?

Oh, hi, Raven, how's
the date going?

Girl, don't talk, just
listen. I had a vision.

Whatever you do,
do not pick up the ph...

Oh, wait, wait, wait, hold
on, there's a call waiting.

Chelsea, no!

Hello?

Oh, hi, Ms. Baxter.

Uh, yeah, yeah, uh, hang on.

Rae, it's your mom.

She wants to know where you are.

Um, tell her I'm on my
way to the bathroom.

Oh, okay, good one.

Um, Ms. Baxter, um, Raven's
on her way to the bathroom.

Okay.

Rae, she told me to tell you

that you look
really nice tonight.

Wait, how would she know that?

Trust me, girl,
she ain't psychic.

Hey, mom.

Th-that was kind
of funny, you know?

I was on the phone, and
you were on the phone, right?

And, you know

it's probably not really that
funny right at this moment

but when we look back
on it a couple of years

we'll be, like,
"that was funny!"

Okay, I'm going to shut up
now, let you talk. Okay, talk.

What is going on?

I'm on a date.

With whom?

A guy named Matthew.

You don't exactly know him.

Well, that's one
point against you.

Keep going.

Well, actually, I
really didn't know him

all that well either.

I mean, if I knew
he was so disgusting

I would have never
gone out with him

in the first place.

I mean, this was the
worst date of my life.

I thought that older guys

were supposed to be, like, cool.

So, you went out with an
older boy you don't know?

Two points. Keep going.

Oh... well, after you guys left

he picked me up
to go out to dinner.

And you rode with him in a car?

Yeah, I know, three points.

No, actually, that's ten points.

And now, here's mom to
tell you what you've won.

Oh, a ride home?

Oh, you're going home

but first I want to
know why you went out

in the first place,
after we said no.

Because, mama, you
wouldn't listen to me.

I was trying to explain.

I mean, you never
listen to anything I say.

That's not true!

Mama, yes it is.

I mean, if it's not exactly
what you want to hear

then you just tune me out.

What?!

I am not listening to this.

Mama, like that.

Hey, baby, look.

I am... Mr... Spock.

Mom, if you love me

you'll start dragging
my sorry butt home now.

I want to talk to
your father first

and then we'll just see
how sorry your butt is.

Oh, look, it's my
date for this evening.

Uh, now remember, man,
I'm wearing your pajamas.

Where are you going?

Home, with my parents 'cause...

I forgot to tell you, I'm 14.

I know.

It's hard to believe.

I'm so happy you've
given the check

'cause I am so ready to go.

Well, actually, your
mother and I talked about it

and we decided...
He's your ride home.

You wanted this date?

You got this date.

Oh, are y'all serious?

He is disgusting!

Yeah, well, maybe
you'll think twice

before you lie to us again.

Oh, man!

Hey, you know what?
I've been thinking.

So what if you're 14?

Your parents just ordered
us the super duper opa.

Super duper opa?

Mm-hmm.

Opa!

Opa. Opa.

Now I don't want to be a pig...

So you can get the spoon.

Well, don't look at it, eat it.

Okay, you can look
now... he's finished.

Did you see the way
he att*cked that thing?

It was like feeding
time at the zoo.

If you love me, you'll
take me home now.

Okay, fine, but first

we're going to go
over a few rules.

Now look, I understand

that you're getting older, and
you want your independence

but lying to us is not the way.

Got it.

But your father
and I also realized

that not taking
time to listen to you

is also not cool.

So, you know, you're
saying that this date

is, like, officially over?

I don't have to ride
home with him, do I?

Sweetheart, you were never
going to ride home with him.

Really?!

Oh, you guys are good.

And we just keep getting better.

It was very nice meeting you.

Don't bother about getting up.

Not that you could.

Where does he put it all?

I don't know, but we'd
better get out of here

before he decides
to put it all back.

Ooh.

I don't know.

He just passed out ten
minutes into the movie.

Well, let's let him sleep.

Good night.

Chelsea, come on,
I'll drive you home.

I'll tell you all
about it tomorrow.

Okay.

Okay.

That's a really lovely
look for ya, Mr. Baxter.

Hey, Corey, wake up.

Someone wants to give
you a good-night kiss.

Chelsea?

Pucker up, precious!