01x04 - Rats on a Train

[bunniefuu]

Okay, guys.

The next phase
of your training

is handling extreme climates.

So we'll frost chase,

bake Bree,
and submerge Adam.

That's not part of the training,

I just got one of
those carnival dunk tanks

and I can't wait
to try it out.

Okay, chase,

I'm setting your tube
on "antarctic."

If it gets to be too much,
just give me a sign.

[ Tube powering up ]

Hey,
that's not fair.

I want to be
abused by weather.

Leo, if you really
want to be abused,

try standing over here
next to Adam's morning breath.

I don't have morning breath.
It smells like that all day.

Leo, these guys are
genetically engineered

to handle
these kind of climates.

I can handle extreme cold.

Leo, you get brain freeze
from chewing mint gum.

[ Cell phone ringtones ]

Davenport.

What?!

Well, that's terrible!

I mean, that's awesome,
but that's terrible!

I-I gotta do something.

What's going on?
What's so terrible?

I created the world's
fastest train,

but now it's speeding
out of control

full of highly expl*sive
nuclonium

towards downtown welkerville!

Well, then what was awesome?

It's going like


Ho ho ho ho!

My entire career
is riding

or perhaps crashing
on this train!

I don't understand it!
My design was flawless!

So flawless you forgot
to include an emergency brake?

No. I never counted on
the conductor dropping

his papaya smoothie
all over the controls

and then jumping
off the train.

Well, if I were to build
a high-speed train,

the first thing I would have
put in was a cup holder.

Oh! And one of those bumper
stickers on the back that says,

"I brake for cows."

When stuff like this happens,

they always blame
the scientist.

This is human error.
Scientists don't make mistakes.

[ Tapping ]

Chase.

Now I have to explain
the whole train story agohh.

The world's first
bionic superhumans...

They're stronger than us,

faster, smarter.

The next generation
of the human race is...

Living in my basement?!

♪♪

Whoo-hoo!

[ All screaming ]

The good news is,

whenever I invent something,

I always create a backup device
to support it.

As opposed to just building
it right the first time.

Ya know, I think
I liked you better frozen.

My auxiliary decelerator
will stop anything...

Ocean liners,
freight trains,

tanks, eighteen-wheelers,
twelve-wheelers...

Does it stop unnecessarily
long explanations?

Apparently so.

Only problem is,

I can't figure out
how to get it on the train.

You guys thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?

Our first mission!

I want a pet pig!

No. No, no, no.

You are not prepared
for this kind of mission.

It is a highly volatile
situation.

Down the line...
Fingers crossed...

There will be plenty
of other horrible disasters.

Yeah, but... you need
to stop this train now.

And you need us
to help you do it.

Your career
depends on it.

Please,
Mr. Davenport.

This is what
you trained us for.

All right, you gotta
leave the nest sometime.

Okay, get in
your capsules, guys.

I can't believe
I'm saying this...

[Choking up] It's time
to upgrade your mission suits.

I hope you addressed
the chafing problem.

Hmm?

[ Powering up ]

[ Whoosh ]

Sweet!

Ooh! I see you put in
the seat warmers.

Ooh!

All right...

We'll be able to use
these earpieces to communicate,

and I'll monitor your progress

on the train surveillance
system.

That way if you blow yourselves
up in a fiery expl*si*n

I can watch it unfold
in glorious hd.

That came out wrong.

We get our
and we get to save lives!

Seriously,
I want a pig!

Bree...

Chase...

Adam.

Hey!

Leo!

What am I supposed to use...
Two cans and a string?

[ Footsteps approach ]

Well, your favorite
news reporter

just got their big break.

Lchip spudner? S?

And Tom constan
with sports?

No, me!

I am done reporting
on singing dogs

and babies who look
like ex-presidents.

The network finally gave me
a real assignment.

I'm covering
a runaway train!

No way! Ain't that a coinky-dink?
Mr. Davenport...

Is, uh... is, uh,

so proud of you, honey.

Will you watch Leo?
I have a train to catch.

Absolutely.
And don't forget,

be balanced and fair,
collect all the facts,

and blame the conductor...
He's an idiot.

[ Door closes ]

This stinks.

Everybody gets to go
on an adventure but me.

Leo, just because
you can't go on the train

does mean we can't
have fun here.

I'll pop in the goober the
spunky caboose DVD for you.

I'm fourteen.

Okay, then pop it in
yourself.

Come on, guys,
we don't have a lot of time.

We gotta get you
in your gear.

[ Door opens, closes ]

[ Contents shifting ]

Ha! Look at that...
I'm travel-size!

[Breathless] Okay,
Roger, how do I look?

Am I in focus?

Okay. We're on in three,
two...

♪ [ News broadcast
theme music] ♪

Tasha Davenport here

outside the glenview
driving range

where we're waiting for
the runway[Whack] Man: Fore!

[ Thud ]

Oh, my gosh! Roger!

Is the camera okay?!

[ Train whistle blows ]

Whoo-hoo!

Adam, don't touch that!
That's nuclonium.

That's exactly why
I want to touch it.

Come on.

We havehold on! Fast.

I'm updating my status.

"Bree is...

Facing an uncertain future."

Hey, chase. You spilled
something on your new shuh?

Ho ho ho ho!

Oh, Adam, it looks like
you spilled something

on your new suit, too.

What? I just
got this thing.

Hey, quit flicking me.
I'm trying to find the stain.

Davenport: Focus.

We only got fifteen minutes
before this thing hits the turn,

flies off the tracks,
and blows up welkerville.

Boy, I'm glad
I don't live there.

Chase, locate
the onboard braking system.

Bree, inspect the tanks
for leaks, and Adam,

get a picture of the
speedometer for my web page.

Wow!

Hey, Adam.

Hand me the decelerator.

Uh-oh. I don't know where
I left our mission bag.

It's on the rope.

Oh, thanks, bag!

Leo: Uhh!

All: Leo?

Leo?!

Which way is
the dining car?

I'd like to get a bite to eat

before I save
the town of welkerville!

Okay, roll.

Roll!

♪ [ Theme plays ]

I am Tasha Davenport
reporting live.

Authorities tell me
the b*llet freight train

will roar past behind me
at any moment,

and you are here
for the exclusive look.

[ Crossing bell ringing ]

[ Train whistleroger? I...

I think the train
is on the other track.

Behind you.

Quick! Turn the camera around,
we're missing it!

Ahh! [ Sputtering ]

Ohh...

[ Spitting ]

Bug mouth.

Leo, what are you
doing here?!

Joining the mission.
I want to be like you guys!

But Leo,
you're not like us.

And I don't mean that
in a bad way,

we just have really cool,
super-fun features,

and you don't.

Uh, Leo, where's the decelerator
we need to stop this train?

You mean the pointy metal thing
that was poking me in the butt?

It's right here!!!

Leo, I am supposed
to be watching you!

And you are...
In glorious hd!

Leo, without
the decelerator,

we can't
stop the train.

Mr. Davenport,
what are we gonna do?

I'm coming to get Leo.
If he blows up on that train,

I'm gonna have to
get Tasha a puppy!

I'll bring the decelerator
in my high-speed helicopter.

Wow! How many guys can say

that they have chased
their high-speed train

in their high-speed helicopter?

I'm awesome!

Okay, I'll be right there.

Okay, so I downloaded the train's
route before we left the house.

Let me pull it up so I can calculate
how much time we have left.

Oh, no! Guys!

There's only a two percent chance
that we can save the train!

And if the train goes, we go!

Brace yourselves!

Bionic people
do not explode well.

Chase, relax.

I mean, there's a possibility
we can survive the crash.

Oh. Leo won't.

Oh. Right.

Never mind.

I'm sorry you guys
have to see me like this.

I know you think of me
as your ultra-competent,

unwavering, fearless leader.

Yeah, just the opposite,
nactually..

Chase, look,
everything is gonna be fine.

Yeah! I mean,
big d's on his way

in his high-speed
helicopter.

But... what if we can't
attach the device?

What if the sudden stop
causes the train to tip?

What if Mr. Davenport
gets caught in a traffic jam?!

In a helicopter?

There could be birds.

That drive cars?
I don't think so.

Chase,

you're overthinking this.

The answer is simple...

If Sally's on a train
traveling at a certain speed, x,

she's gonna reach the curve
at a certain time, y.

All we need to do
is multiply x by y

to find out if we have
enough track left to stop.

Okay...

But what if Sally is
sitting on enough nuclonium

to reduce an entire city
to a stain?

Then Sally should have
taken the bus.

I'm Tasha Davenport
reporting live

from the danger zone
just outside welkerville

where... where minutes from now
the... the-the train is expected

[ train whito... to... um...

We... we... we...
We got here too late?

We missed it again?

Are you kidding me?!

Um, um, well, uh,

for those of you tuning in,

it was silver and... and shiny

and... and... and...
And it looked, um...

It looked like...

Like this.

And... and... and it was
going really fast.

It was just...
Click-clack, click-clack,

chooga-chooga-chooga-
chooga-chooga... choog...

Choo! Choooo!

Uh, authorities
are doing all that they can

to stop the train
before it...

Boom!

Boooom!!!!

Oh, I know!

In the movie sparkman
and the train from tomorrow,

sparkman hops in front of the train
and stops it with his pinkie.

Just do that!

Leo, I don't have
that ability.

Well, then you
need an upgrade.

Guys! Davenport's here!

He's really here!
I told you we'd be fine.

I don't remember that.

Yeah, just the
opposite, actually.

Okay, I'm gonna drop
the decelerator now.

Make sure you catch it,
it's very delicate.

Pretend it's a baby.

Okay!!!

[ Clanking ]

[ Clanking continues ]

Pretend I caught it!

For the record, when I fill
out the incident report,

I'm putting "human error."

Okay, this just went
from "comic book cool"

to "real life terrifying."

My new mission is to
get the heck off this train!

Okay, we're gonna have to
abort the mission!

Never liked welkerville,
anyways.

All right, I'm gonna
drop down the rope ladder.

Everybody up...
Leo first.

You don't have to
tell me twice.

Come on, guys, let's go
home and have some cocoa!

Guys? Cocoa!

We can't quit now.

If we do, it means
we failed our first mission.

Yeah, we've been training our
whole lives for this moment now.

We're not giving up.

Come on, this thing's
about to crash.

And we've done
everything humanly possible.

But that just it.

Mr. Davenport
made us superhuman,

because when all else fails,
we can't.

Yeah. We put ourselves in danger
for the sake of humanity.

Well, if you guys
aren't going,

I'm not going either.

Leo, this is
too dangerous for you.

Please. My middle name
is "danger."

I it's pronounced "danger."

Leo, we are running out of time.

By "we," I mean you.
Get up the ladder, now!

I'm coming!

I'm climbing up the ladder
right now! Pull me up!

[ Hits button, door closes ]

Leo, are you crazy?
What are you doing?

We're all in this together.

I may not be superhuman,

but it doesn't mean
I can't be a hero.

A first-aid kit?

Leo, when I open this thing,
you better be inside!

What do you guys
think you're doing?!

We're completing
our mission.

What? Guys, no!

Okay, we have approximately three
minutes to slow this thing down

before it hits the turn
and flies off the tracks.

Okay, let's think.

Objects in motion
remain in motion

unless an external force
blocks it.

So what could
block our path?

Oh, I got it! We can put the nuclonium
tanks in front of the train!

Then the train
would blow up.

Thus stopping it.

If only wile e. Coyote was here.

He'd have a giant rubber band he could
tie around two trees to stop this thing.

Wait a minute.
Leo, that's it!

The Reid-Bennett bridge
is 19.8 miles ahead.

Our rappelling ropes
are unbreakable.

So if Bree
ties them all together...

I could use my super-speed
to run ahead

and wrap around
the bridge supports!

And then Adam can use
his super-strength

to hold the rope
and stop the train.

Let's to this thing!

Did I mention that wile e.
Coyote dies in every episode?

Get the bag.

Can we chalk that up
to human error?

Okay, the rope's secure.

Also, look what the train
did tall: Oh! Enny!

And all: Aaah! Rel!

Hey, guys,
what if this doesn't work?

I mean, I know I'm strong,
but this goes way beyond

our training scenarios...
What if I can't do it?

Adam, strength doesn't just
come from your muscles.

It also comes from your mind.

Okay, maybe someone else
should take the rope.

This is everything
we've prepared for.

You can do this!

Just believe
in yourself.

I believe in you.

I believe in you, too.

I just spend four hours
in a bag without a bathroom...

I think my support
goes without saying.

Okay, here we go.
Twenty seconds.

[ Cell phone ringtones ]

Hello?

What?! Oh, no!

What is it now?

Caitlin just
broke up with Rodney!

Bree, this is serious!

I know! They've been dating
for, like, three months!

Oh. Hey, can I talk
to her for a sec?

That was
a good one.

Okay, guys...
Five seconds.

Four, three,

two, one!

[ Metaall: Whoa!!! Ing ]

Guys? What's happening?

[ Screaming continues ]

[ Metallic screeching
winds down ]

♪ [ Theme plays ]

Tasha: Lens cap!

I'm Tasha Davenport
reporting live,

and I am standing in front
of the runaway train,

which has miraculously stopped.

In a totally unrelated story,

the Reid-Bennett bridge
has completely collapsed.

Looks like your morning commute
is gonna be a doozy!

[ Electrical crackling ]

[ All grunting ]

We're alive!
You guys did it!

We completed
our first mission!

Ow! Rope burn!

Anybody see
the first-aid kit?

Well, we did it.
That includes you too, Leo.

If you didn't waste your life watching cartoons
every day, we might all be dead right now.

So, what's our next mission?

A runaway rocket
or a sinking battleship?

How about trying to explain
this entire thing to your mom?

That's a mission
we'll never return from.

Big d!

Ah. Thank goodness.

The train is okay.

And you guys, you guys are okay, too.
Yeah, that's good.

All right, first one back to the
lab gets a food pellet smoothie!

Yes!

I'll catch up!

I haven't whizzed since Reno.

I'd like to avoid
another disaster.

We have got an exclusive interview
inside the runaway train.

Maybe we'll even meet
the person who stopped it.

[ Whistlaaah!

Leo! Uh...

Hey! Am ha... ha...

Hi, mom!

Wherever your mother is
right now,

I am sure she is very angry,

yet... relieved
that you are okay.

I am here with...

Leo "danger" dooley!

How does it feel
to be a... hero?

Well, uh...
Tasha, was it?

I wouldn't exactly
explain myself as a hero...

Actually, I would.
I am a hero.

And will you celebrate
your accomplishment

by spending two weeks
in your room

without television
or video games?

I think it should be
one week,

or this exclusive interview goes
straight to Linda montieres!

Yes!