03x07 - Principal from Another Planet

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Adam,
you're just in time.

I'm having a viewing party
for tonight's

big lunar eclipse.

Yep, all dudes,
no girls.

Definitely
a chase party.

It's gonna be awesome.

I even prepared
an out-of-this-world feast.

These are
freeze-dried food pellets

just like the ones
astronauts eat.

Each cube contains
an entire meal.

This is Turkey,
peas and mashed potatoes.

Wow, congrats, chase.

You actually found a way
to ruin food.

No, I made it better.

Oh, really?

Food fight!

See, that's just lame.

Come on, guys, you're
gonna miss the lunar eclipse.

I haven't been this excited
since the meteor shower of '98.

I think 98's the last time
I actually took a shower.

- I cannot wait to see this.
- You're gonna have to.

It's beautiful.

Let me see, let me see.

My turn.

Wow! Cool!

What am I lookin' at?

Adam, a lunar eclipse is a
rare and breathtaking event.

The moon is passing
directly behind the earth

blocking the light
that normally illuminates it.

Wow! Nothing more exciting
than a slow-moving shadow.

Watching a lunar eclipse
takes time and Patience.

We're gonna be here
all night.

Oh, great, so it's like
a sleepover, minus the fun.

Hey, what are you guys
doing?

Lookin' at
the lunar eclipse.

Oh, cool!
Let me see.

Oh, come on!

Now that's
worth watching.

Man: The world's first
bionic superhumans.

They're stronger than us.

Faster, smarter.

The next generation
of the human race is...

Living in my basement?

Leo dooley's video log
of the lunar eclipse.

I'm recording tonight's
events as they happen

and in real time,
no editing,

no filters,
and no special effects.

That's right, folks.

He's as old
as he appears.

[ Bones cracking ]

Hey, what are you filming?

The bizarre events that happen
during lunar eclipses.

Lakes go dry,
rivers turn red.

People won't
stop talking.

Leo, please tell me
you don't buy into

all that lame
folklore.

It's not folklore,
it's true.

During the last eclipse,

I saw a bird
fly backwards,

and no one
believed me.

It's not that
we didn't believe you.

We just don't care
about the things you say.

Leo, an eclipse is
an astronomical event, okay?

It's not witchcraft,
it's science.

Nothing bad
is gonna happen tonight.

And I spoke too soon.

Quick, everybody hide.

Get down, get down,
get down, get down.

[ Thuds ]

Principal Perry,
what's wrong?

It might be faster
to ask her what's right.

Okay, I was up on
my neighbor's roof

borrowing their
solar panels...

When I saw it.

Saw what?

The spacecraft.

The aliens are using
the lunar eclipse

to hide their spaceship
and inv*de earth.

Yeah, I read about this
in line at the supermarket.

It's true,
aliens live among us.

Oh, and Ryan seacrest
has a great meatloaf recipe.

The secret... crackers.

You see? You see,
I told you.

Weird things are
gonna happen tonight.

First, principal Perry
sees a spaceship,

and then, Adam claims
to have read something.

Look, there are no
such things as aliens.

Okay? It's all made up.

There's a reason
it's called science fiction.

Hey, I know ufo's.

I spent a lot of nights
sleeping alone in the desert,

and not just because
my family dumped me there

and drove off.

I definitely saw
a spaceship tonight.

Just like the time
you "definitely" saw bigfoot,

and it was just
your toes in the mirror?

It was dark.

Sorry.

Look, I know what I saw,
and when the aliens inv*de,

I'll be safely barricaded
in your underground lab.

Well, on the bright side,
a girl actually showed up

to chase's party.

Don't anybody move.

Why not?

I wanna remember
exactly what you look like

before you get
ripped apart by aliens.

Do you have
any redeeming qualities?

Is having violent mood swings
considered redeeming?

I asked you
a question!

Okay, I'm going to put
this whole alien nonsense

to rest once and for all
with real science.

This is NASA's satellite feed

of the lunar eclipse,

and as you maniacs
can see...

Wait. Something just moved
in front of the moon.

Look, right there
in the shadow.

He's right.

It's the spaceship.

Like an infected mole,
I can spot 'em a mile away,

or a foot away since I got a
chunk of 'em on my hands.

All: Eww!

I'm sure there's
a simple explanation for that.

It's probably just
space debris.

No, trust me.

I watch a lot of
alien documentaries.

This is the first phase
of their plan.

What plan? Talk.

And look right into
the lens.

Just direct
your breath that way.

First, they hover
and analyze the planet.

Then, they infect someone
and use their body

as a host to multiply
and then...

The movie ends, and everybody goes home.
Good night, crazy.

No, let her finish.

And then,
the infected human

lays alien eggs,
and in a few days,

they take over
the planet.

[ Gasping ]

You cannot be
taking this seriously.

Why are you gasping?

I enjoy a good gasp.
I'm a gasper.

[ Loud rumbling ]

What was that?

My stomach is k*lling me.

Must've been all those
astronaut pellets I ate.

Or you were infected
by an alien!

[ Gasping ]

I was not infected
by an alien.

How can you be sure?

You were gone
for 15 minutes.

Aha!

I was in the bathroom.

Should I invite you
next time?

[ Rumbling ]

I'm telling you.

It's only a matter of time
before his stomach explodes,

and five eggs pop out.

Six if he's the queen.

So you think that chase here
is just gonna start

squirtin' out alien
squid babies?

I'm gonna be an uncle.

There's only one way to find
out what's goin' on in there.

I'm gonna need two clamps,
a roll of paper towels,

and a machete.

Leave me alone.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

I'm just gonna
split you open

and destroy the alien
babies inside you.

No!

Chase was not infected
by an alien.

Settle down,
captain kirk.

Hey, I've been around
enough truck stops at 3:00 A.M.

To know when something
weird's goin' on.

And trust me, there's a bunch of
e.T.'S living in his little boy guts.

I don't know
what's more shocking...

Perry thinking
chase is an alien,

or two bionic people
struggling to subdue her.

What if chase really did
get taken over by aliens?

They're gonna say,
"take me to your leader,"

but he is our leader.
This is so confusing.

Stop it.

Okay, you're being
ridiculous.

No one is an alien.

Everything's fine.

Then why is
that green stuff

oozing out of
her ears?

It's probably just
another ear infection

from that robust
lake bacteria.

Every Sunday,
me and the gals go

bare-hand trout wrangling.

Ew. It's dripping
all over the floor.

I want to lick it.

- Principal Perry.
- Uh-huh.

I'm very concerned
about you...

Making a mess
in my house.

Out. Let's go.

I'm fine.

[ Demonic voice ]
This planet is ours now!

That's probably just
the bacteria talking.

Everybody calm down.

There is no such thing
as aliens.

[ Loud roar ]

[ Speaking alien language ]

Got a scientific
explanation for that?

Well, it is
cold and flu season.

Still think
it's a cold?

No, I'm on board.
She's an alien.

My spawn will wipe out
humankind!

Hey, why is everybody
staring at me?

You have a little
schmutz on your...

Everywhere.

Okay, obviously,

principal Perry has been
taken over by an alien.

She doesn't realize that it's
wrestling for control of her body.

Wow, the aliens
want her?

Man, how bad are things
on that planet?

I'm starvin'.

Feel like I'm
eatin' for six.

She's eating for six. She's gonna have
alien babies. I don't wanna see that.

Don't make me
see that.

Uh, family meeting.

This is bad.
This is really, really bad.

What do we do?!

Well, I guess we can
check panicking off the list!

Okay.

All right, we need
to subdue Perry

until we can find a way
to get the alien out.

[ Alien roaring ]

Okay, I'm pretty sure
the alien wants out of her, too.

It cannot be good in there.

Aliens exist?

Everything I know
about the universe is wrong.

If I can't
trust science,

I don't even know
what's real anymore.

Am I even good-looking?

I'm a little bit more concerned
about the way she looks!

All right, we have to
get her down to the lab

and get her trapped
in a capsule.

Maybe then we can
find a way to save her.

Wait. If aliens and Perry

are wrestling for control of
her body, maybe Perry'll win.

Does it look like
she's winning?

Come on, girl,
come on.

Eh-eh-eh.

No dessert plates till
you finish your dinner plates.

Oh, good girl.

Come on, Adam, lead her right
into the capsule. Keep going.

We watch in wonder
as the alien devours

the last of
my mother's wedding China.

Hey, why am I
eatin' a plate?

What's goin' on
with my skin?

It's clearin' up.

She's back to normal Perry.
What do we do now?

You got anything,
Mr. Davenport?

It licked me.

It licked me!

They say a crisis brings out
the best in people.

This is not
one of those people.

Hey, guys, if principal Perry
thinks that chase is the alien,

why don't we just
use him as bait

to trap her in
one of the capsules?

Great idea. Quick, chase,
act like an alien.

What? I don't know how
to act like an alien.

Just try.

That's a zombie.

That's a vampire.

That's you.

Principal Perry,
you were right.

Chase is an alien.

Help us get him into
his capsule

so that we can
destroy him.

Go, shoo, shoo!

All right, I'm in
my capsule.

Ready to be incinerated.

Great. I'll finish off chase,
then we'll deal with the alien.

The on switch
is in that capsule.

I'd push it,
but ladies first.

- You. You push it.
- Oh!

We got her.

[ Demonic voice ]
Not so fast.

It's hot in here.

What is that?

Oh, come on. Have you
not figured it out yet?

There's a plate-eating
alien inside you.

No. Get it out,
get it out!

[ Demonic voice ] Leave
it in, leave it in.

[ Normal voice ] No, no, don't worry.
I can fight it off.

When you have as many
diseases as I have,

you build up
a lot of immunities.

Guys, we're getting nowhere.

What's your bright idea?

I don't know. Maybe if
I her her hard enough,

the alien will
pop right out.

Don't you think
that's a little extreme?

[ Demonic voice ] Must
multiply and conquer earth.

Large forehead girl
goes down first!

What are you waiting for?
Punch her.

It's stronger than Adam.
We're all goners!

Any other bright ideas?

[ Roaring ]

Tell you what.

You guys discuss,
I've got a thing.

Guys, wait!

My cooking show's on.

I'll record it.

Will somebody
please do something?

Daddy's scared.

Would you quit being
such a big baby?

Any sign of her?

No.

I think we lost her.

Great. Let's hop in the car
and get out of here.

We can't.

If that alien gets out
in the general population,

there's no stopping her.
A lot of people will die.

Yeah, but none of those people
will be me.

Chowing down on
all those plates

must've really
tuckered her out.

She's sleeping.

Now's our chance
to trap her.

I have an idea.

I just wanna get
one quick close-up.

- No!
- Stop!

When the creature
is at rest,

- it almost seems gentle.
- [ Snoring ]

Yo, be careful.

Sh! Don't wake her up.

Stop her. We can't
let her escape.

I'm filming
my own demise.

We're waiting.

Oh, so we're all going.

Leo, what are
you doing?

You know,
just chillin'.

Hangin' out in
an alien web,

waiting for
the alien eggs to hatch

and eat me!

Where did those
come from?

Well, it wasn't
the easter bunny.

Those things are gonna
hatch soon,

and when they do,
I'm dinner.

No, dinner was hours ago.

Technically, you'll be
a midnight snack.

Wait! Maybe we can
keep her from multiplying.

Adam, use your heat vision
to take out the pods.

[ Speaking alien language]

The mother ship must be able
to sense danger.

It's calling the alien home.

I'm free.

Wow! I can't believe
they took Perry.

She's gone forever.

I'm sure we'll
miss her someday.

Hey, look.
They left a note.

It's in
an alien language.

I'll do my best
to translate.

"If this thing
represents humankind,

you can keep your planet.
We're moving on to Mars."

Wow! They really are
a higher intelligence.

They really are
a higher intelligence.

There you go.

Bionic family
versus alien principal.

- What do you think?
- Great job, Leo.

That is guaranteed to win

this year's amateur
Sci-Fi film festival.

Perry as an alien, yes.

Three bionic teens,
I don't buy it.

You know who really
nailed it, though?

Mr. Davenport.

I totally believed
you were scared.

Well, I am
quite the actor.

But in real life,
it's gonna take a lot more

than some alien
to scare me. Oh!