01x01 - Lilly, Do You Want to Know a Secret?

[bunniefuu]

♫

♫ This is the life, hold on tight

♪ And this is the dream ♪

Fourteen-year-old sensation Hannah
Montana continues her smash tour

with another sold-out show
tomorrow night in Los Angeles.

♪ I'm gonna take my time, yeah ♪

♪ I'm still getting it right ♪

[Both:] ♫ This is the life

[whooping]

Did you hear that? Sold out in Los Angeles.

[Exclaims in pain]

Needle in finger. Sharp sh**ting pain.

-I'm sorry, Fermine.
-Is okay. I kiss it.

All better. All right. Ohhh...

Look at you, you look gorgeous.

You're gonna look beautiful in your
finale. Do it with me, come on now.

Work it out, work it out and... pop it!

[Fabric tearing]
Oh! -Uhh

Tushy tear.

Awkward moment; Time to go.

-Don't look at my booty!
-No danger there, partner.

I love you Hannah Montana.

Do you mind? I'm on the phone here, all right?

I've got a life too, you know.

And I would appreciate it if I
could have one conversation

without hearing the words Hannah Montana.

Yeah, that's right, girl, I know Hannah Montana.

And I got two incredible
tickets for tomorrow night.

Great. See you then.

I need two incredible seats for tomorrow night.

-Sorry, I'm sold out.
-Dad!

Think about it this way, Miley.

He goes out with the girl, they fall in
love, they get married, he moves out.

You've got the tickets.

[Phone ringing-♪]

Hello?

[Lilly:] Hey, it's me, landing in 20 seconds!

Great!

-Lilly alert in 18 seconds!
-She's your best friend, Miley.

Sooner or later you're gonna have
to tell her you're Hannah Montana.

-I pick later!
-Nine seconds. Get the juice!

-Got it!
-Good!

-Three...
-Two...

-One.
-Guess who just landed two tickets

to the hottest concert in town?

Miley; You and I, I being your best friend,

are going to see the one, the only,

Hannah Montana!
[whooping]

You're not screaming.

Why aren't you screaming?

Oh, believe me; She's screaming on the inside.

[Screaming-Ahhhh]

[♫]

Come on!

You get the limo out front
Uhh, uh, uh

Hottest styles, every shoe, every color

Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun

It's really you but no one ever discovers

Who would have thought that a girl like me

Would double as a superstar?

You get the best of both worlds

Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show

You get the best of both worlds

Mix it all together

And you know that it's the best of both worlds

[Laughing]

I just don't get it. Why won't
you go to the concert with me?

It's just that, mmm...

I really want to spend some
quality time with my brother.

Quality time with your brother?

Okay, if you don't want to tell
me, I guess there's nothing I can do,

except go through life wondering
what I did to deserve being hurt so badly

by my best friend.
-Oh, stop. I just can't go, okay?

Okay. That's fine.

Hey, Miley. How's it going?

Ahm..

Pretty good. Just getting some
ketchup for my veggie burger.

I see you like mayonnaise.

I've never tried that on a veggie
burger and maybe I should but not today,

because I've already got the ketchup...
-Miley. Miley!

You know what a lot of people don't know is,

it's also a wonderful moisturizer.

Here!

-Isn't that lovely?
-Moisturizer. You're pretty funny.

My hand does feel softer.

Wow.
-I know. He is so hot.

And I am so lame.

Hey! He's the one who believed
ketchup was a moisturizer.

Miley, you've been totally crushing
on Johnny Collins for months.

He thought you were funny.

This is your chance. He's
sitting right there. Let's move!

I just can't do it.

Yes, you can.

Miley, you're smart, you're funny,

and you're totally cute.

And now...

you have my lucky bracelet.

-Okay.
-Wait! Booger check.

-You're so gross.
-All clear. Good to go.

Seriously, dude, it really does soften your skin.

Hi, Johnny.

Hey, Amber, Ashley.

-We were going to sit there.
-Well, isn't that just too bad?

But don't worry. There are
seats over there by the trash cans.

[Both:] At the losers' table.

Uhh!
[Mimicking sizzle]

Hey, Amber, I think it might
be time to pluck the 'stache.

And, Ashley,

Is that a zit, or are you growing a new head?

-Gross!
-Gross!

Ouh!
[Mimicking sizzle]

Okay, we didn't get those seats.

Minor setback. But the good news is

we have better seats for Hannah Montana!

I'm sorry. It's just that I
don't like Hannah Montana.

What?

Hey, baby! How you doing?

Oliver Oken, and may I say you two are smoking?

-In your dreams.
-I'm counting on that.

Hey, slick.

Hey!

Oh, yeah. She wants me.

Oliver, you're not going to believe this.

Miley says she doesn't like Hannah Montana.

What?!

Hannah Montana is a
goddess. I worship at her feet.

In fact, FYI, someday I'm
going to be Mr. Hannah Montana.

I'm gonna watch her every minute of every day,

protect her from any obsessed fans.

Every night I'll shampoo and
condition that beautiful blonde hair.

Oliver, I say this because I care about you.

Get some help!

Miley, don't make me go see my
favorite singer without my best friend.

If you don't take this ticket, I'm
going to end up going to the concert

with 'Mr. Hannah Montana'.

[Loudly] You have an extra
ticket to Hannah Montana?

[All gasp]

That was really loud, wasn't it?

Hey, Dad; I'm really nervous about my date, and,

well, I'm just gonna say this,

there is nobody in the world whose advice

I trust and respect more than you.

-Son, I'm not loaning you money.
-What?

Is that what you think this is about?

Dad, I... I am hurt.

This has nothing to do with
borrowing money from you.

I was actually kind of hoping
more for an outright gift.

I gave you the gift of life, Son.

Don't push it!

-Honey, what happened?
-'Hannah Montana happened'.

You mean the kids at school found out?

No; This was just about a
ticket to see Hannah Montana.

What if they found out I was Hannah Montana?

-No one would treat me the same.
-I bet Lilly would.

Are you kidding? She's Hannah's biggest fan.

If she knew the truth,

I'd never be just Miley again.

-Oh, baby doll.
-I'm taking a walk on the beach.

Now hold on just a minute.

First, let's get this French fry out of your hair

before the seagulls attack you.

Boy, that sucker is in there, too.

Second of all,

I know you're concerned
that if Lilly finds out the truth

that she won't treat you the same.

But she's still your best
bud. You need to trust that.

At least think about telling her.

Okay.

Not gonna happen.

Dad,

I only hope that when
I'm a father I can give my_

-No money!
-Didn't think so.

[♫] This is the life, hold on tight

♪ And this is the dream, it's all I need ♪

♪ You'll never know where you'll find ♪
♪ it and I'm gonna take my time, yeah ♪

♪ I'm still getting it right, ♪

♪ this is the life ♪

[Miley:] Thank you, Los Angeles!

"Hannah Montana."

-There you go!
-Thank you.

Hey, just another fan.

Could you sign this to Johnny?

It's not me. It's my little
brother. He really likes you.

Not that I don't, I do,

but, you know, he wanted
me to get it, so I'm getting it.

Yeah, so if you could just sign
that to Johnny, my little brother.

-There you go.
-Thanks,

-Hey; Really soft hands.
-It's ketchup.

Bye.

Thanks, guys.

Be sure and pick up a record
and a t-shirt in the lobby.

He is so cute!

Honey, at your age, there's
only two things that are cute,

squirrels and little puppy dogs.

[Exclaims] I tell you what,
I hate wearing this thing.

It's like kissing your Great-Aunt Clara.

Great show tonight. I'll go check on the limo.

Your mama would have been so proud of you.

Thanks, Dad.

-Higher, Oliver. I'm almost in!
[Oliver:] -There is no higher.

You're already standing on my head!

Jump, you idiot, jump!

[Oliver grunts]

[Screams]

Not good!

Oops!

And she sticks the landing!

Oh... ohhh!

Hannah Montana's hot dogs!

Hannah Montana's scarf!

Hannah Montana!

[Both screaming]

Whoever you are, you have to get
out of here right now or I'll call security!

Wait, wait! No, I'm sorry.

I was just looking for a souvenir.

My name's Lilly Truscott, and I'm a huge fan.

Did you just shove pie in your face?

It's not a real pie.

It's a 'foaming facial-wash... pie'.

-What's wrong with your voice?
-That happens after every concert.

You give so much!

I just wish Miley were here.

Miley? Who's Miley? I don't
know Miley. That's a strange name.

She's my best friend.

Great! Well, then, why don't you go get her?

Great idea! I'll call her!

No! You know, cell phones
don't really work in here.

It has to do with the walls and the cement and...

[Phone-♪]

Okay. They must have fixed it.

♪ ♪

Aren't you gonna get that?

Oh... oh... No, I'm talking
to you. That would be rude.

Okay, she's not home.

Wow, that was weird.

Why don't I just give you an autograph for her?

What about me?

I'm the one who loves you!

You're much paler in person.

Yeah, I am, you know what? Gosh,
it was really fun meeting you guys,

but I've really got to go.
-Wait!

Can't I even shampoo and
condition your beautiful blonde hair?

No; But you can take this towel.

Hannah Montana's towel.

[Screaming]
Uauhhh!

[Oliver:] It's okay!

None of my blood got on the towel!

-Well, I guess I'm leaving, too.
-Okay.

Without even a towel as a souvenir.

Bye-bye.

Nothing but my memories,

which will fade too, too quickly.

All right, all right. Here.

Oh, my gosh!

The actual scarf you wore on
the actual stage! I can't believe it!

This is so... Hey, I have a
lucky bracelet just like that.

I loaned it to my best friend yesterday.

Of course mine says "Lilly" on the back...

Just like that.

♫-Ta-da!

Lilly; I know you're upset I didn't tell you,

but you cannot just freeze me
out like this. Please, talk to me.

I thought we were friends.

I thought we told each other everything!

But I guess I was wrong,

since you kept just about
the biggest secret in the world,

Miley Stewart/Hannah Montana!

Okay, well, other than that...

Did you enjoy the concert?

That's right, I happen to be
real tight with Hannah Montana.

Hey, Hannah; I thought my lady
here could use a little souvenir.

Jackson; Get out of here!

For you.

I told you we were tight.

I am so out of here.

Lilly, please wait!

I wanted to tell you.

It's just that I was afraid.

Afraid of what?

I don't know. I thought maybe once you knew,

you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore,

and you'd like Hannah
Montana more than you like me.

That's what you thought?

That could never happen,
Miley. Don't you know that?

Yeah,

I do.

Okay, no more secrets.

And to prove it, I'm going to show you something

I've never shown to any other friend.

Wait till you see this!

Why am I standing in your closet?

Because behind my closet is...

My closet!

[HALLELUJAH ♫]
[HALLELUJAH ♫]

[♫]

[HALLELUJAH ♫]

It's like a dream,

a beautiful, beautiful dream.

Okay, dream's over. I've got to have these.

-Wait, there's more.
-Another closet?

-What size shoe do you wear?
-I'm a 5.

I'm a 6, but I'll squeeze!

-Wait till Amber and Ashley find out.
-What?

Well, we have to tell them.

Here's my cell.

Take a picture of me in front
of Hannah Montana's clothes!

No!

No one else can see this stuff.

-Are you crazy? Why not?
-Once people know I'm Hannah,

they won't treat me the same.
-That's the point!

I'm talking mega-popularity here for both of us!

Think about Johnny Collins.
He'd be yours if he knew.

-No!
-How can you be so selfish?

If you were really my best
friend, you'd want this for me!

And if you were my best friend,
you'd understand why I can't do it!

Come on; Cut me some slack, Hannah.

"Hannah"? I knew this would happen.

Did I say Hannah? I didn't
mean that. It was a mistake.

No, the mistake was trusting you.

That girl tonight really dug me, Dad.

I think it was the g*ns.

Hey, Lilly. I think things are gonna
be a whole lot better around here

now that you know our little secret.

Did you see the way she ignored you?

I'm sorry, but that is no way to treat a
man of your compassion, sensitivity_

Still no money?

I am so mad!

So you're gonna take it out
on my ice-cream sundae?

-You wanna talk about it?
-No!

Okay.

[♫] You had a fight
Na, nah...na nah! ♫

♫ She left your place

♫ And now you sit and stuff your face

♫ You got the processed-sugar blues
♫ Uhhh..uhhh

Stop! That's the worst song you've ever written.

She obviously doesn't
remember the potty-training song.

[♫] I like to sing, I like to dance

♫ but I can't do it with poopy in my pants

Dad! This is so not funny.

Everything I was afraid
that would happen happened.

She found out who I was,
and now it's ruined everything.

You don't know that for sure, Miley.

Things could change.

Just give it some time.

Group hug!

-Gotta go.
-Gotta go.

Turn.

I don't know,

I think it makes me look
a little big around the hips.

Please, let's not blame the dress.

-Hey, guys, sorry we're...
-Whoa, doggies!

Daddy;

He's finally cracked.

You know what, Son?

I like it, but I don't think
it goes with the shoes.

Okay, fine, you take your little cracks.

But you weren't here, and
Fermine needed help with the dress,

and he said he'd pay me,

so this is what you get.

Next time, try something
with sleeves... and deodorant.

If you got it, flaunt it.

Which reminds me, I've got a little
blue sequined number waiting for me.

Enjoy!

Okay, Fermine; How much do I owe you?

Kid works cheap. He did it for $20.

Daddy! You made him do that?

Hey, the boy said he needed some money.

I thought I might as well
get a chuckle out of it.

Lilly alert.

Hey, Fermine; Why don't we step out on the patio

and give these girls some privacy?

Okay, but I'm going to need some sunscreen.

-My skin's like a baby's bottom.
-A little too much information, cowboy.

Oh, look at me! Giddy up, pardner. ♫-Yippee kiyay!

Giddy up. ♫-Yippee kiyay.

Hey; Can I talk to you?

Who? Miley or Hannah?

-Miley.
-She's not talking to you right now.

Wait, Miley, I'm sorry I called you Hannah,

but that was major news.

You gotta give me a
little time to get used to it.

What happens if you can't?

What about the next time you
get dissed by Amber and Ashley?

Are you sure you won't want to tell them?

Of course I'll want to, but I won't.

And you know why? Because you're my best friend.

When I was sitting in my room, all upset,

you're the one I wanted to talk to,

not 'Hannah Montana'.

Well, I guess I've said everything.

So...

see ya!

Here I go,

headed for the door,

after making the best apology
I could possibly think of

Still hoping she forgives me.

Halfway there.

You are such a drama queen.

-Hugs?
-Hugs?

I am so not getting paid enough for this.

Neither am I.

We were in the first row,
and Hannah smiled right at us.

She really did.

Big deal. You see this towel?

She gave it to me in her
dressing room. She really did.

Yeah, and she gave me this sandwich.

-You're pathetic.
-You're pathetic.

♫-Oouh!
[Mimicking sizzle]

-It's true.
-Ignore them, Oliver.

-They're not worth it.
-Wait a minute.

He's telling the truth. And
she gave Lilly something, too.

-What are you doing?
-You'll see.

-That's Hannah Montana's scarf.
-From the concert.

Yeah! Hannah gave it to her.

But you know what? You
guys are much cooler than me.

-You should have it.
-Oh, my gosh.

Hey, I want that!

-Why'd you do that?
-I think I know.

Hey, everybody! It's Hannah Montana's scarf!

[Screaming]
-Ahhh -Ahhh

Uuoh!
[Mimicking sizzle]