04x04 - Queens Behind Bars

[bunniefuu]

- Previously on

RuPaul's Drag Race....

music makes the people

come together.

- Hold on, hold on, hold on,

hold on, hold on.

- Milan kept talking over

other people.

- '80s, it's about...

[laughs]

- It's getting real damn old.

- Just put some white powder

on your face and look gothic.

That's all we need you to do.

Sharon, she has

one good character,

so she might as well

use it.

- Did you work well

with Phi Phi?

- She definitely didn't bring

a strong leadership role.

- Sharon Needles...

condragulations.

- Yes!

- You're the winner

of this challenge.

Dida Ritz, shante, you stay.

- Thank you.

- The Princess, sashay away.

And tonight...

Ladies, you are all

under arrest.

The dolls do hard time.

- Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison

for Ladies.

- And tempers flare.

- Tired-ass showgirl.

- At least I am a showgirl,

bitch!

- With extra-special

guest judges Nicole Sullivan

and Will & Grace co-creator

Max Mutchnick.

[cheering]

The winner of

RuPaul's Drag Race

will receive a lifetime supply

of Nyx Cosmetics,

a one-of-a-kind trip courtesy

of alandchuck.travel,

headline Logo's Drag Race tour,

featuring Absolut Vodka...

cocktails perfected...

and a cash prize of $100,000.

And may the best woman win.

- ♪ RuPaul Drag Race ♪

♪ Gentlemen ♪

♪ Start your engines ♪

♪ RuPaul Drag Race ♪

♪ May the best woman win ♪

♪ Ru-Ru-RuPaul Drag Race ♪

♪ Gentlemen ♪

♪ Start your engines ♪

♪ RuPaul Drag Race ♪

♪ May the best woman ♪

♪ Best woman win ♪

[tires squealing]

- Whee!

- Open space.

- Category is...

- Cheesecake!

- I'm sorry, but The Princess

is in another castle.

- "This is the beginning,

the only beginning."

- Dida, I think you should do

the honors,

since you b*at her.

- You gave me everything

I needed, honey.

- I'm not gonna lie.

A lot of it came from anger

towards the judges.

I feel like the judges don't

really know me.

I just have to show them

what the entertainer in me

is like.

Next challenge,

I have a lot to prove.

- We have a three-way mirror,

and I just recommend

everybody do a turn

before you step out

on the runway,

because the lumps and bumps

and the bra strap.

- The thing is that I

usually don't pad.

- Somebody needs to teach

a course at the learning annex.

[laughter]

All right?

- Sharon Needles,

how does it feel

to have two wins under

your belt?

- I'm proud of myself.

I showed up here,

thinking I would probably be

the first girl home.

I was prepared to, like,

embarrass my entire drag family.

I can't believe how well

I'm doing here.

I'm getting kind of

used to winning.

Any time I've ever attempted

to run in a pageant,

I'm always last.

And for any one of those

"high class,"

you know, gown and crown

pageant queens

that ever gave me

a raised eyebrow,

who's laughing now?

Ha!

- I figured Sharon would win

this challenge

because I picked a character

for her

that she can excel in.

- Girl, shut up

before I smack you.

[siren]

- Ooh, girl!

You've got shemail.

Friends, you stand

on the shoulder pads

of a long line

of designing women,

golden girls who have

traveled down the road

and back again.

So whether you're looking

for Mr. Big

or just working

for Mr. Jefferson,

America's next drag superstar

needs the will and grace

to do whatever it takes to be

absolutely fabulous.

Now, kiss my grits.

[giggles]

[laughter]

Hello, hello, hello.

- Hi.

- Ladies, you are all

under arrest.

- What are you talking about,

girl?

- For today's mini challenge,

you'll be posing

for a memorable mug sh*t.

[laughter]

Now, you'll be working

in pairs,

so pick your favorite partner

in crime.

- I looked down the line

and I see one person

just looking, and I'm like...

[sighs]

You're with me, I guess.

What did I do

that was unchristian

that I have Madame

as my default partner?

- Oh, and one little detail.

Instead of doing

your own makeup,

you'll be responsible for

painting your partner's face.

- Oh, God!

- Oh!

- This couldn't possibly get

any worse.

- Oh, and one more thing.

You'll be handcuffed

to each other.

- [gasps]

- What?

[laughter]

- I have been to prison.

I don't plan on going in

no more handcuffs.

- Oh!

- Oh, I like this now.

- Book 'em, boys.

- Not too tight, officer.

- Now, you perps will have



to prep for your close-ups

before the photographer

from Polite and Public arrive.

On your mark, get set, paint.

- Let's go.

- Ooh!

- Ooh.

- Being handcuffed

and having to paint each other,

it's hard.

- [laughs]

- This is sick.

- I know, I need to get

something out of my bag.

I have a great idea

for a mug sh*t.

Madame's just like,

"Okay, I have ideas too,"

and I'm like,

"Well, we'll use mine."

Put this blue paint

on your face.

Take it and, like,

splotch it on me.

- Okay.

- Willam and Madame,

they both look like

they swallowed the smurfs.

[laughter]

- Willam and Madame LaQueer,

our first pair

of lady criminals.

Wow.

- We robbed a bank.

- Oh, that's the blue stuff.

- It's a dye pack.

- Of course, the dye pack.

- One, two, three...

violate the penal code.

Book her on the cover of Vogue.

Madame LaQueer is busting out

all over.

Toss that salad, girl.

Honey, you got me

scared straight.

Chad Michaels, Sharon Needles.

- Uh-huh.

- Oh!

Oh, dear!

You might need a breathalyzer,

honey.

- It's not my first time

at the rodeo.

- Deliverance!

Serving time!

Attica!

Excuse my beauty.

I was framed!

May I call you

Missy Misdemeanor?

- Yes.

- Don't drop the soap!

Serving time!

Salvation!

Child, you are serving some

Raggedy Ann realness.

It must be 5:00 somewhere,

because you got the shadow,

girl.

- [coughs]

[laughs]

- Acquittal!

Bad boys!

- What you gonna do?

- That's right, honey.

- Busted!

All right, girl.

If the wig don't fit,

you can't acquit.

All right,

that's a wrap...

sheet.

The verdict is in.

One pair is guilty of being

sickening in the first degree.

The winners of today's

mini challenge are...

Willam and Madame LaQueer.

- [laughs]

- Whoo!

[applause and laughter]

- Condragulations, girls.

Hollywood is a tough town.

One day, you're a big star,

and the next day,

you can't get arrested.

Today, you get to be both.

For this week's main challenge,

you'll be starring in the new

TV sitcom, Hot in Tuckahoe.

- A sitcom challenge

is my day job.

Come on.

I was like, sitcoms?

Oh, check.

- It's about four best

squirrel friends

who keep getting arrested

and sent to jail.

- [laughs]

- This acting challenge is

really exciting for me

because I have

a degree in acting.

This is my moment.

- You'll be competing

in two groups.

Willam, Madame LaQueer,

since you won

the mini challenge,

you'll be team captains.

- Finally, I'm not gonna get

picked last.

- Now, to choose your cast,

you'll be drawing names

from this iron fist shoe box,

which normally holds shoes

designed by yours truly.

Madame LaQueer, you go first.

- Dida Ritz.

- Cheesecake, yeah.

- Jiggly.

- Sharon Needles.

- Latrice.

- ♪ Ooh hoo ♪

- Kenya Michaels.

- Phi Phi.

- Milan.

- Milan goes to Madame LaQueer,

which of course means

that Chad Michaels

goes to Willam's team.

Willam, Madame LaQueer,

you are in charge

of assigning the parts.

I'll leave you

to learn your lines.

Gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the best woman win.

- All right, you'll be Karen,

I'll be Charlotte, uh,

you'll be Julia, and...

Kenya is performing Marge,

the guard

because it's just so funny

to see such a butch so small.

- Oh, my God,

Kenya's so fishy,

I don't even think she know how

to be butch.

- Okay, we gotta do

a quick read.

- Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison,

pretty ladies.

Says here you were arrested for

soliciting a "meenor."

- Minor.

- Minor, a minor.

- [clears throat]

- When you're in

a group challenge,

everyone's work reflects on you.

Go over this word with me

a couple times.

Tuckahoe.

- Tuckahoe, tuckahoe.

- Slower, tuck-a-hoe.

- Tuckahoe, okay.

- Soliciting.

- Soliciting a "meenor".

- A minor.

- Minor, minor, okay.

- Are you gonna let her

take over this?

Are you gonna let her direct?

- Girl, are you gonna keep

telling me

what I am going to do

with my group?

If she wants it her own way,

then she can win

a mini challenge

and then direct the group.

- I have to wear the tights

with this?

- Our main challenge today

is acting in a sitcom

called Hot in Tuckahoe.

He said, "Screw it."

I thought I just did!

- [laughs]

- For me, it's a day job.

I'm cool.

- Welcome to Tuckahoe

Prison for Ladies.

As soon as I saw that there was

a prison guard,

I knew that's

the role for me.

Well, hello, gorgeous.

I'll let you hide in my hedges

any day.

- I beg your pardon,

but I'm not into horticulture.

What the f*ck Is

horticulture?

- It's the study of plants.

- Yeah.

- [laughs]

I don't know what that means.

That's an S.A.T. Word.

- I'm not into horticulture.

That's the words

you're punching.

"I'm," 'cause that's you.

- But I'm not into

horticulture.

- I'm not into horticulture.

What are the most important

words in that sentence?

- I beg your pardon?

- No, no, no, you did it great.

- Leh-leh-leh-lah.

- I've been on sitcoms,

and I know about comedy.

Take your note and move on.

I beg your pardon?

- Just copy that.

Copy exactly how she said it.

- Exactly how they said it.

- I beg your pardon?

- But I'm not

into horticulture.

- But I'm not

into horticulture.

- Maybe I'll give Rose, like,

a Audrey from

Little Shop of Horrors voice.

This challenge is comedic

and character-driven.

I'm just starting to think

every challenge

is my kind of challenge.

- I thought you said it was

a Justin Beaver...f*ck.

- Oh, my God.

Hell no.

- The other group,

it's weird.

Sharon is talking like

she has something

stuck in her throat.

And it's like,

country bumpkin cartoon.

- It's a little tighter

than I expected.

- An oversized beaver

rubbing up against her kid?

I wonder why she got upset?

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Are we talking about beavers?

Uh...oh!

- Are you doing an accent?

- Yes, I've got

a British accent.

- It's a little distracting.

Like, I think it might be a

little distracting to the text,

but that's your choice.

- I'm an actor, and I know

how to portray a character,

and that's actually my strength.

I asked the young man

next to me for his napkin

to wipe my friend's

sticky beaver.

- Oh, my God.

That's gonna be stupid.

[laughs]

- Hello, hello, hello!

- Hi, how are you?

- I smell Emmy.

[laughter]

- Whoo, that's correct, mama.

- Hey, kids.

- Hi.

- Hello.

- Team Willam, you have a lot

of TV experience, don't you?

- Yeah, if you name a cop show

in the past ten years,

I've probably been on it.

- And what role

are you playing?

- Karen.

- Oh, is that the slutty one?

- She's man crazy.

[laughter]

- And why'd you choose that

for yourself?

- I'm very Samantha,

and I was on Sex and the City

with Samantha,

so that kind of works.

- Really?

- That's what you gotta do.

That's what you gotta do, honey.

- Latrice, you are playing...

- Large Marge.

- The prison guard.

Now, are you drawing this

from personal experience?

- The tables are turned, baby.

[laughter]

- And Jiggly,

what role are you playing?

- I get to play Charlotte.

- Is that the prissy one?

- The prissy one.

- Now, that...I would never

cast you as the prissy one.

- She said it.

I asked,

"Who do you identify with?"

- I mean, like,

I have my moments,

so, you know, there's things

that I'm just like, eww.

- Okay.

I want to hear how Jiggly

gets prissy.

- I beg your pardon?

But I'm not into horticulture.

- Jiggly, I think you could use

a little bit more work

of identifying

who your character is.

She's not really angry.

She's more prissy.

You got to commit to it;

you got to nail it.

- Okay?

- Okay.

- All right, kids,

get back to work.

I can't wait to see it.

It's very funny already.

- Thanks, Ru.

- All right, good.

Team Madame LaQueer.

- Hi, Ru.

- Madame, are you

a good director?

- I wrote and direct

a play myself twice.

- Oh, boy.

Milan, you're an actor.

How is Madame LaQueer

as a director?

- Um, I think she's a little

laid back.

She could be

a little bit more directorial

with her approach

but, uh, we seem to be doing

a great job.

- Okay, all right, all right.

Sharon Needles,

what role are you playing?

- Rose the idiot.

- Oh, my goodness.

And Madame LaQueer.

- Charlotte.

- Madame LaQueer prissy?

That's gonna be quite

a stretch for you, isn't it?

Wow.

Kenya, what role

are you playing?

- Marge.

- You're the butch

prison guard?

- [laughs]

Yeah.

- That's an interesting choice.

Who made that choice?

- I did.

- You made that choice.

- Yes.

I assigned the roles.

- Okay.

All right, all right.

I'm gonna let you kids

get back to it.

Remember that comedy

is precision.

Find the cohesive rhythm

together.

I'm sure you're gonna

work it out.

- Right.

- All right.

Gather 'round, ladykins.

Later, on the set of

your sitcom,

we'll be joined by our

extra special guest judge,

the Emmy-award-winning

co-creator of Will & Grace,

Max Mutchnick.

- Oh!

- Cool.

[applause]

- Awesome.

- Max Mutchnick,

he's a star-maker.

- Break a leg and...

don't f*ck It up.

All right, see you later.

- Bye, Ru.

- Bye, Ru.

- I couldn't be more thrilled

that Max Mutchnick is here,

because I've auditioned

for him before,

and I haven't gotten the job,

so I'd like a second chance.

- Jail scene, take one.

- Action.

- Ladies, no one needs to

go to jail for liking nuts.

Why, I have a huge sack.

- Oh, me first, gimme.

- Ooh, I like 'em honey-coated.

- Oh, I like mine raw.

- Wait a second,

are we still talking

about peanuts?

- Cut.

Jiggly, wait a second.

- Wait a second.

Are we still talking

about peanuts?

- Wait a second, period.

Are we still talking

about peanuts?

There's a period there.

- Wait a second.

Are we still talking

about peanuts?

Eww!

- You know, it...yeah.

Let's just keep going.

Action.

- Rose, what in the world are

you doing in that crazy get-up?

When the security guards

were chasing me,

the only thing I could find

to hide in

was this Mr. Happy uniform.

- Well, that's you in

a nutshell, Rose.

- [laughs]

- And cut.

- Chad, you're a pro.

You've obviously been doing it

for 3,000 years.

- [laughs]

- It's really working for me,

okay?

- Thank you.

- Ooh, me first, gimme.

- William.

- Willam.

- Willam, thank you.

- It's spelled right

on my headshot.

It's in there, so it's just

on the way out.

- So, "William," it's just,

make sure you get all the words

in there and...

- Why don't you correct Ru

when he says "William"?

- He's got a $100,000 check.

- [laughs]

- Oh, that's right, okay.

You make a good point.

- Yes.

- Ooh, I like 'em honey-coated.

- Oh, I like mine raw.

- Get those nuts

away from my face.

- Latrice, have a good time.

- Okay.

- "Get those nuts away

from my face,"

and then give...

look at the camera.

There you go.

- [laughs]

- I mean, you give us...

I mean, honey,

you could do that

for a half an hour,

and they would laugh.

- Well, I'm gonna let you have

it now.

Okay.

- There you go.

[laughter]

Action.

- Get those nuts

away from my face.

- [laughs]

- I was really tapping into

some serious acting skills there

because Marge

doesn't like nuts...

but Latrice does.

[laughs]

- That's a series.

Latrice in Get Those Nuts Away

From My Face, this fall.

- [laughs]

- Our main challenge today

is to act in a sitcom

called Hot in Tuckahoe.

- Action.

- Of all the stupid things.

Rose, why did you show up

at the Justin Bieber concert

in this ridiculous costume?

- Justin bie...oh.

I thought you said we were going

to a just...

f*ck.

- You can't do that on TV.

- No, I know.

I'm really good with dialogue.

It's just a real tongue-twister.

- All right, so you want to

just pick it up from...

- Okay, we'll pick it up again,

and we'll have no problems

this time.

- Rose, why did you show up

at a Justin Bieber concert

in this ridiculous costume?

- Oh, I thought you said

we were going to a dress

in beaver cos...gone...

God, that's a f*cking hard line.

- No F words.

And can we just make sure

that when you do that line...

- Well, it's a hard line.

I'm saying "dressed in beaver."

- Sharon keeps talking back.

- It's kind of

a hard thing to hear.

- I was like, girl, you need to

calm yourself down real quick.

- Please don't make me go

through that line again.

- Action.

- When was the last time

you washed this thing?

I mean, I nearly gagged

at the stench.

- Mmm, I kind of like

the smell.

Remind me

of high school gym class.

- Cut.

You were doing a one-woman

show out there.

You just seemed like

a crazy person

that's talking to yourself.

- Okay, okay.

- I nearly gagged on that...

on that stench.

- Ooh, I kind of

like the smell.

- Cut.

Kenya, you like

the smell of the beaver,

so don't hold your nose.

You love the beaver.

- I wonder why

she got so upset?

- It was just

a big old country boy.

I mean, that young man

looked pretty mature enough

to handle a beaver on his own.

- Milan, it's "mama's boy,"

not "country boy."

- I wonder why

she got so upset?

- He was just

a big old country boy.

- Cut.

- Sorry.

I mean, that young man looked

pretty mature enough

to handle a beaver

on his own.

- Um, Milan, Milan,

you're kind of

playing to stuff out here.

Be in the scene

with these people.

Look at the person

that you're talking to.

- It is extremely intimidating

to have the creator

of Will & Grace critique you.

I thought this evening

was kind of thrilling.

Me and this oversized beaver.

- Milan's not exciting enough.

I didn't want to see

more of her.

I didn't really care.

- Action.

- And then his mother told me

to get my tail out of his face,

and then she really

let me have it.

- Gee, a sloppy, oversized

beaver rubbing against her kid.

I wonder why she got so upset?

- Cut, print, Emmy.

You know how to do a sitcom.

It's what you dream of,

when you're writing

this kind of stuff,

that you come across an actress

who just takes the stuff,

takes it to a better place,

and it's really wonderful

to watch.

- Thank you.

I feel, like, tears almost

coming

'cause I'm doing exactly

what I prayed for,

just to redeem myself.

- Action.

- That was so mortifying.

I "actudentially" spilled a...

ah-la-la-la.

I "actudentially" spilled

a virgin Mary on Rose,

so I asked the, uh, oh!

- Cut.

It's a bloody mary,

not a virgin mary.

- Okay.

- And I asked this young man

next to me for a...

Oh.

I'm gonna go again, sorry.

- LaQueer,

it's really important

that you listen to the director,

okay?

When you make a mistake,

and you're in front of

a live audience,

you got to keep going.

You keep stopping as if

you're allowed to stop.

There is no stopping.

- So I asked the young man next

to me for a napkin

so I can wipe my friend's

hairy beav...

- Ooh.

Ouch.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

We are talking about beavers

or...ew!

- Can you do the "ew"

as Lucille Ball, though?

Ewwwwww!

Do it like that.

- Ewwwwww!

- Ewwwwwwww!

- Ewwwww!

- Ewwwwwww!

- Ewwwww!

- Ewwwwwwww!

- Ewwwwww!

- That is a wrap.

Nice work, ladies.

Tomorrow, you'll sitcoms will

premiered on the main stage,

where we will be joined by

one of my favorite funny ladies.

Mad TV alum Nicole Sullivan.

- Oh, I love her.

[applause]

- Oh, my God, I'm so happy

Nicole Sullivan's

gonna be a judge.

I can't wait.

All right, ladies.

We will see you tomorrow.

All right, here we go.

all: Bye.

[alarm beeps]

- "Mornking."

- All right.

- All right, time to work.

- Hello, boo-boo.

- So were you guys

sweating it up

in that jail cell yesterday?

Any flashbacks in there?

- I tell you this,

it was nice to be

on the other side of it

for a change,

you know what I mean?

Being in prison gave me

that opportunity

to, like, think about

what my dreams were.

And you know what?

Your choices are to accept it

and move on,

or to b*at yourself

up over it.

Everybody makes mistakes,

but, bitch, you better look

sickening when you get up.

Sickening,

and make them eat it.

- Latrice,

can you take us to church?

- ♪ Whoa, Jesus is a biscuit ♪

♪ He gonna sop you up ♪

♪ Ah, Jesus is a biscuit ♪

♪ He better sop you up ♪

[laughter]

- We all need a blessing at

this point.

Lord knows I do.

[laughter]

- ♪ Breaking out the Westwood ♪

- All right, this is gonna be

good enough.

It's not a pageant.

- It's a pageant for my life.

Every day I'm up for it,

I think "pageant."

- What I said about Phi Phi

on the runway last week

makes me feel bad.

- Did you work well with

Phi Phi?

- She definitely didn't bring

a strong leadership role.

Basically what she said is,

"You're spooky,

dress like a monster."

- Come talk to me for a minute.

- What's up?

- Well, I don't know if

any of the other girls

have said anything about it,

but I'd rather have you hear

it from me now

before it turns into

much bigger than it was,

but in the last runway, um,

I was pretty sure I was

in the bottom two.

- Uh-huh.

- So I brought you up,

and I just wanted to

let you know.

- What do you mean,

brought me up?

Brought me up, how?

- Well, basically,

what I said was,

I felt that you kind of

pushed me into, you know,

just doing my spooky look

and that it was irresponsible,

and I thought

it was kind of sloppy, just to...

- Because I told you to do

something that you're good at?

- Well, I wanted RuPaul to know

that if she wanted to say

that I just kept turning out

the same look,

it was because you just wanted

us to be what we always are.

- You're an adult.

You could have came up to me

and said, "You know what?

I don't want to do this."

- I was being realistic.

- Realistic is bullshit,

because I picked out a character

for you

to sit there and do,

and you did it great.

You obviously won

the g*dd*mn challenge.

- Because...because...

- Because of me.

Because I told you

to go in your closet

and dig out

that g*dd*mn gothic look.

So congratulations,

you're welcome,

because I was the one

that sat there

and picked that out for you.

- Okay, well,

if you think that I won

because of you,

you...you are wrong.

- Then what...

what do you want to do?

- It's my talent

that gets me to win.

- Sharon, you know what?

You are not even

on the same level as me,

so get the f*ck out of my face.

- That's right, because you...

- Get the f*ck

out of my face.

Go back and do your only

one look that you got!

- Oh, I have one look?

Tired-ass showgirl.

f*ck You.

- Tired-ass showgirl?

At least I am a showgirl, bitch!

Go back to Party City

where you belong!

- I'm the f*cking

future of drag.

You look f*cking 20 years ago.

- Oh, girl, please.

- I tried to talk to you

like a sister

and I tried to talk to you

like a grownup.

- We aren't sisters, though,

so I don't ever want you

talking to me.

- Whoa, time to go.

- To sit there

and tarnish my reputation

just because she felt insecure

is bullshit.

Bitch, don't come for me.

- Future of drag.

f*cking tired-ass lame sh*t.

Future, the future.

- ♪ Jesus is a visqueen ♪

[laughter]

[laughter]

[RuPaul's Cover Girl]

- ♪ Cover girl ♪

♪ Put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe ♪

♪ Let your whole body talk ♪

And what?

Welcome to the main stage of

RuPaul's Drag Race.

Hey, it's that girl,

Michelle Visage.

- You spin me right round,

baby.

- [laughs]

Hey, Billy B., what's happening?

- You look sickening.

- Thank you, darling.

Max Mutchnick, how are you,

darling?

- Thrilled, and you get points

for just getting the name right.

- [laughs]

And Nicole Sullivan.

I'm so glad you're here.

Now, what would the Vancome

Lady say about my makeup?

- Looks like Little Orphan

Annie sat in the sun too long

and then got a boob job.

- [laughs]

Now, this week,

the queens were challenged

to play classic

sitcom character types,

and tonight,

they're all dolled up

for their television premiere.

Gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the best woman win.

- Up first, Phi Phi O'Hara.

She's so vaginal in white.

- If I'm gonna go

to red carpet,

I want a gorgeous gown

that everybody's gonna be, like,

"Ooh, that's Phi Phi."

- I see her halo.

- And that dress has wings.

Latrice Royale.

I see the Beverly Hills, Billy.

- [laughs]

- I'm blinging;

I'm feeling beautiful.

This is the sheer elegant side

of Latrice.

- I think Latrice has a

Cable Ace Award up her sleeve.

- Or she's just happy

to see you.

- Uh-huh.

Dida Ritz.

Wow, she's on fire.

- I'm all about showing body

and leg.

I am working it.

- She's walking like

she has somewhere to go.

She's got a meeting

in the ladies room.

- Madame LaQueer as Folk.

- [laughs]

- I'm going for something

I would actually wear

to a event premiere.

- Lainie Kazan's sexy sister.

- Kirstie Alley

better watch out.

Willam, serving

a little Taylor Swift.

- I chose some

Vivienne Westwood

because the only thing that

matters on the red carpet is,

who are you wearing?

- I love it accidentally

fell off the shoulder.

Uh-oh, uh-oh.

- "Did my boob fall out?"

- Standards and practices

will hear about this.

Lil' Kenya Michaels.

- Work, Lil' Kenya Braxton.

- Yes.

- I feel amazing.

I'm a model.

This is my moment.

- A pineapple smoothie.

- Delicious.

Chad Michaels.

- Ooh!

- Very Florence

and the Machine.

- The dog days are over.

- I'm wearing a tribute

to the Tudors,

the Renaissance,

and I just felt really gorgeous.

- Take it all in, darling.

Up next, Jiggly Caliente.

- This is Brooklyn prom,

b*tches.

- The girls that are edgy,

young Hollywood,

they don't wear

evening gowns all the time.

This gal looked pretty.

- It's always jiggly

in Philadelphia.

- [laughs]

- London, Paris, Milan.

All righty, man.

She's playing her gold card.

- It feels like I've been

poured in gold,

and if there was

a female version of the Oscar,

it would be me.

- She's just a bond girl.

- Octopussy.

- Sharon Needles.

- ♪ Here's to the ladies ♪

♪ Who lunch ♪

- I kind of wanted to ham it up

and dress like an old lady.

- And she's so generous

with her fans,

signing autographs.

- I think Carol Burnett

found her diva.

[laughter]

- I'm so glad we had

this time together.

Welcome back, bosom buddies.

Let's tune in to

an all- new episode

of Hot in Tuckahoe,

the one with the beaver,

starring team Madame LaQueer.

- ♪ They did their time ♪

♪ And they're out on parole ♪

♪ Now they're the ♪

♪ Hottest thing in tuckahoe ♪

- Of all the stupid things.

Rose, why did you show up

at the Justin Bieber concert

in this

ridiculous costume?

- Justin bie...oh!

I thought you said we were going

to a "dress in beaver" concert.

[canned laughter]

- When was the last time you

washed this thing?

I mean, I nearly gagged

at the stench.

- Mmm, I kind of

like the smell.

It remind me of

high school gym class.

Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison.

Pretty lady, so I hear you

were arrested

for soliciting a minor.

- That was so mortifying.

I accidentally spilled

my Bloody Mary on Rose,

so I asked for a young man

for his napkin

for me to wipe

my friend's sticky beaver.

- Did somebody say "beaver"?

[canned cheering]

- Finally, a big, strong man

who could get us all off.

[canned oohs]

- Now, let's all

put our heads together

and get this thing licked.

[canned cheering]

- Well, it's not gonna

lick itself.

- And my beaver is dirty.

[canned laughter]

- Are we talking about beavers

or...

[horror movie music]

♪ ♪

Ewwwwwwwww!

[canned applause]

- [laughs]

- I think we did

a pretty good job.

We delivered.

- Team Willam, it's time for

another episode of

Hot in Tuckahoe.

You know, the one with the nuts.

- ♪ They did their time ♪

♪ And they're out on parole ♪

♪ Now they're the ♪

♪ Hottest thing in tuckahoe ♪

- Of all the dumb ideas, Rose,

what made you think that

we could break into a nut farm

in the middle of the night?

- Well, Julia,

I was having such a bad day,

and the only thing

I could think of

to make me feel better

was a big mouthful

of Mr. Happy's tasty nuts.

- Welcome to

Tuckahoe Prison for Ladies.

Says here you were caught hiding

in the hedges.

Mmm, well, hello, gorgeous.

I'd like to let you hide

in my hedges any day.

- I beg your pardon,

but I am not into horticulture.

[canned laughter]

- Hey, guard, you seem like

a gal that loves nuts.

- Back off, chickapee.

I'm allergic to nuts.

Tried 'em once,

almost gagged to death.

- Did someone say "nuts"?

[canned cheering]

- Finally, a big, strong man

who can get us all off.

- No one needs to go to jail

for liking nuts.

Why, I have a huge sack...

[canned oohs]

Right here.

- Oh, me first, gimme.

- Hey, get those nuts away

from my face.

[canned laughter]

[canned cheers and applause]

- Wait a second.

Are we still talking about

peanuts or...

Ew!

[canned laughter]

[canned cheers and applause]

[theme music]

[laughter]

- Ladies, the ratings are in,

and one team was, in a word,

dy-no-mite.

- [laughs]

- The winning team is...

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Team Willam.

- Ah!

[applause]

- Condragulations.

But one queen in particular

was serving must-see TV.

The winner of this week's

main challenge is...

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Latrice Royale.

- Oh!

[applause]

- Condragulations.

You will receive a cruise,

courtesy of alandchuck.travel.

- Thank you so much.

I'm finally in the game.

I can get a little bit

of recognition

for what I've been doing.

That makes me feel incredible.

- Team Willam,

you are all safe.

You may leave the stage.

- Let's go.

- Bye.

- Team Madame LaQueer,

you've got some 'splainin'

to do.

First up, little Kenya Michaels.

Now, Kenya, you were playing

Marge, the butch guard.

Was that your interpretation

of butch?

- I was trying to be a Butch.

I tried to look like a man,

but...

- [laughs]

- There was nothing butch

about you.

- Runway was great.

You looked beautiful.

- So pretty, easy-going,

and I "lurv" the dress.

- Thank you, Kenya.

Next up, Milan.

Now, you're a trained actor,

aren't you?

- Yes, ma'am.

- Tonight, you are like

a stunning black Emmy award.

As for your performance,

I think you got lost,

and I think you were acting

all by yourself.

- You needed to

take it further.

It's always better to be told

to take it down

than it is to pump it up.

- Thank you, Milan.

Madame LaQueer.

Now, tell me about watching

yourself in the sitcom.

- I think I lost my accent.

- What accent

were you going for?

Can you give me an example?

- Of course.

I was going for this accent

because I am an uptight

and prissy woman.

- Hmm.

- Ah.

- You were working on an accent

that I don't think

worked for you.

I think that you were stretching

maybe a little bit too far.

- Thank you.

Next up, Dida Ritz.

- I think you could be sexier

and prettier,

and I think it's the hair

that is the issue.

- If you're going bare legged,

lotion up, girl.

Lotion up.

- Let's get to

the acting yesterday.

You have "it."

There's a quality.

It just comes out of you.

That's something

that cannot be taught.

- All right, thank you, Dida.

- Thank you.

- Sharon Needles.

- Hello, RuPaul.

- Here's my concern.

The whole thing,

the whole package

is just a little too jarring.

- This isn't the first time

I've caused concern

for being too far

out of the box.

- This is a little bit of what

happened yesterday.

You had something to say

about everything

that I had to say.

I need to know that you're gonna

take the notes,

not that you're just going

to say to me,

"This is just who I am,

and take it or leave it."

That throws up a flag

for a guy like me.

- Ladies, thank you.

I think we've heard enough.

While you untuck in

the Interior Illusions lounge,

the judges and I

will deliberate.

You may leave the stage.

Now, just between us "goils,"

what do you think?

Lil' Kenya Michaels.

- I think she's so, so pretty,

but it's my least favorite thing

to watch as an actor,

when they're just

really consumed with

how they look

instead of how they're acting.

- Why were you looking at me

when you said that?

- [laughs]

- Anyway.

- I think she was miscast in

the entire challenge.

- Madame LaQueer was the leader

of that group.

- She made some piss-poor

casting choices.

- Let's move on down to Milan.

- Kelly Rowland

better watch out,

but so should the crazy lady

at Coldwater Park.

This is a person

that talks to the sky

and tells imaginary

friends to watch out,

'cause she's coming.

- I was sort of shocked to hear

that she was trained.

I would have expected someone

who'd been trained a lot

would have been

a lot more at ease.

- All right, moving on down

to the team leader,

Madame LaQueer.

Well, she decided to give

herself a European accent.

- I legitimately thought she

was Russian.

- [laughs]

- This actress was not paying

attention.

She seems like a sweet lady,

but not for show business.

- All right, moving on

to Dida Ritz.

- I really was impressed

with the raw skill.

Dida has that innate ability

to sound sitcom.

- This is America's

next drag superstar.

This is $100,000.

I should not be having

to tell a queen

her hair needs to be bigger

and her legs

need to have lotion.

- All right, let's move on

to Miss Sharon Needles.

- My limited, sort of,

exposure to her,

I thought she was

kind of quirky and cool.

- I don't like the name.

I don't like the look.

I don't want to see a sitcom

starring the little girl from

The Ring.

- [laughs]

All right, silence.

I've made my decision.

Bring back my girls.

Welcome back, ladies.

I've made some

serious decisions.

Dida Ritz, you're safe.

- [mouthing words]

- You may join the other girls.

Madame LaQueer, the judges

were mad about you,

but not in a good way.

I'm sorry, my dear,

but you are up for elimination.

- I don't know why

I am in the bottom two.

There are people that actually

deserve to be here

in this position before me.

- Sharon Needles...

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

You're safe.

- Thank you.

- Is there anything

you'd like to say?

- I've spent my entire

adulthood creating a situation

where I didn't have to

answer to people

and, you know, I'll

really work on taking directions

in the future.

[sniffles]

- Sharon, you may join

the other girls.

Kenya Michaels...

You are safe.

Milan, I'm sorry, but you are

up for elimination.

- Being in the bottom two,

it's a terrifying rush.

- Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last chance

to impress me

and save yourself

from elimination.

The time has come...

for you to lip-sync

for your life.

Good luck...

and don't f*ck it up.

[Trouble playing]

- ♪ No attorneys ♪

♪ To plead my case ♪

♪ No orbits ♪

♪ To send me into outer space ♪

♪ I'm trouble ♪

♪ Yeah, trouble now ♪

♪ I'm trouble, y'all ♪

♪ I got trouble in my town ♪

- In lip-syncing for your life,

you have to try to

take the other person down.

- ♪ You can't take me ♪

♪ For a ride ♪

- I am really trying to

deliver the goods

that a drag superstar

should deliver.

- ♪ Yeah, trouble now ♪

- The pointer sisters

are the girls

who just point during

their lip-sync,

and Madame is

just a pointing queen.

She's a pointer sister.

- ♪ I'm trouble, y'all ♪

♪ I got trouble in my town ♪

♪ Here comes trouble ♪

♪ I got trouble in my town ♪

♪ I'm trouble ♪

- I'm just exploding

in energy at that moment,

because I don't want to go home.

- ♪ I got trouble in my town ♪

♪ So if you see me comin' ♪

- Madame LaQueer

wasn't doing much,

and I'm like, girl, Milan

just danced circles around you

and Swiffered the floor

with his taint.

- ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I got trouble ♪

♪ Yeah, trouble now ♪

♪ I'm trouble, y'all ♪

♪ I got trouble in my town ♪

- I don't understand why people

take their wigs off.

It's a drag show, not wig wars.

- ♪ I got trouble in my town ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Ladies, I have made

my decision.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Milan...

Shante, you stay.

Milan, you may

join the other girls.

- Thank you.

[sniffling]

- Madame LaQueer, my queen,

hold your head high

and know that you represent

Puerto Rico

at its fiercest.

- Thank you so much

for this opportunity.

I wouldn't trade it

for anything in the world.

- Now, sashay away.

- This is history

in the making.

I'm proud to be part of it.

I made it.

I made my dream come true.

This is only the beginning.

- My prime time nine,

condragulations.

You are all kings of queens.

Now remember,

if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you gonna

love somebody else?

Can I get an amen up in here?

- all: Amen.

> All right,

now let the music play.

- ♪ Right, right ♪

♪ Get-get-get it ♪

♪ Get it right ♪

♪ This is the beginning ♪

♪ The beginning ♪

♪ This is the beginning ♪

♪ Of the rest of your life ♪