04x22 - Chuck Versus Agent X

[bunniefuu]

Chuck: Hi I'm Chuck. Here are a few things that you might need to know.

El, I need to talk to you about Dad's computer.

Ellie: Yeah, I thought that I uncovered some secret files. Turned out just to be cheats on some video game that he was developing.

Chuck: My sister just lied to me.

She's never lied to me.

Vivian: There was only one man my father was ever afraid of.

He went by the name Agent X.

I'm going to track him down and k*ll him.

Then no one can touch me, ever.

(g*n cocks)

Man: Freeze!

Jasmine: Take it easy, Tiger, I'm-I'm here to help.

DS&T picked up some chatter of a possible break-in attempt.

Armed guard: Not likely.

It's always a ghost town down here.

Jasmine: Oh, damn it.

I'm sorry, I haven't had my morning coffee yet.

Armed guard: Let me, um... help.

(giggles)

Jasmine: Who says chivalry is dead?

(giggles)

(groans)

Riley: Good work.

I knew there was a reason I brought you, outside of the obvious, of course.

(sighs)

(sighs)

(whirr, latch clanks)

Riley: Mm...

Jasmine: That's the computer with all the Agent X files?

Riley: (soft beep) No, it's a tracker.

Somebody must be using the computer.

But it looks as if the CIA is keeping tabs.

Locate this signal, and we'll have exactly what Miss Volkoff wants.

Jasmine: This was too easy.

Have to imagine the CIA is being way more careful with the actual computer.

Ellie: Oh, sh**t.

Ellie, come on.

Devon: Hey, babe, doing a little last-minute prep for Chuck's bachelor party.

Can you give me a little sunscreen pre-coat?

Ellie: Sure...

Devon: Uh, make sure you lube up the lats.

Gonna be sunny in Vegas.

Captain: What's with the old house?

Ellie; That? I figured out a cyclomatic complexity that ran through all the conditionals in my dad's research-- that's the end of the loop.

Devon: Awesome.

Ellie: All paths seem to end at that photo.

I don't understand-- why would my dad want me to have this picture of an old house?

Devon: What are you doing, El?

Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for Sarah's bachelorette party?

Ellie: Honey, don't worry.

Clara's already at your parents' house, I am all packed for our girls' day trip; I promise I will turn it off as soon as the festivities begin.

Okay?

Devon: Fair enough.

Gonna finish packing for the dude trip.

Vegas, baby. Vegas... !

♪ ♪

Lester: Yo.

May I ask the best man what casino we're going to be hitting first?

I got a fat stack burning a hole in my crotch.

Morgan: I-I don't think that's, uh...

Lester: Oh, no; it's burning.

Morgan; Uh, no-no idea, actually.

I put Awesome in charge of everything.

Apparently, he's the Vegas expert.

Nice.

Morgan: Yeah.

What about you, Casey?

Any casino preferences?

Casey: No. Forget the casinos.

Best thing about Vegas are the g*n ranges.

Brought some of my fancytargets.

Big mike: Well, I got some bad news.

See you guys on Monday.

Lester: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hang on, Big Michael.

You're not coming?

Mike: Bologna Grimes says I couldn't go.

She knows I tapped Vegas dry back when I was with Earth, Wind, Fire, and Rain.

Jeff; You want me to call this Baloney lady, give her the what for?

Big Mike: Nah.

Once Bologna has made a decision, there's no going back on it.

You guys enjoy.

Morgan: No!

No-no-no-no, no-no-no-no.

Hold on a second. Hold on a second.

Y-You are my future stepfather.

This will not stand.

Now, come on... We're men!

Men who take what's theirs!

You have to march into that house, slam your fist on the counter, and then you look at my mother in the eye, and you say, "Bologna, I am so sorry, woman... "

"... but I have to work at the Buy More all weekend. "

You see, this way, when she asks me,

I'll say, "Yeah, we got all this new inventory.

We have to work around the clock. " Boom! Boom.

Big mike: Heh.

That's the greatest thing... a white person's ever done for me.

(sobbing)

Let's go to Vegas!

Chuck: Vegas, Vegas.

What does a bachelor wear in Vegas?

Sarah: I can't believe you've never been to Vegas.

And, by the way, a bachelor does not wear that.

Chuck: What? You're not digging the whole business up-top, party below-the-waist thing? I figured it covered all the Vegas activities with one fell swoop.

Speaking of "looks, " you're sure doing an awful lot of maintenance over there.

Sarah: Oh, I'm just reminding you of what you'll be missing out on in Vegas.

Chuck: Oh, trust me, I'll remember.

Where's Ellie taking you guys anyway?

Sarah: I'm not sure.

Every time I do recon, she's on your dad's computer.

She spends a lot of time on that thing.

Chuck; Yeah, well, Ellie's always been into puzzles; you know, logic puzzles, Sudoku, crosswords-- I mean, one of my earliest memories of my sister was when she solved the 12-sided Rubik's Cube before I even got mine out of the box.

Sarah: Have you spoken to Devon yet?

Told him that you know that Ellie is still using the computer?

Chuck; No.

Not yet.

I'm planning on having a good man-to-man talk as soon as we get to Vegas.

I mean, it's the perfect place to have a sincere, honest, heartfelt conversation.

Sarah: You really have never been to Vegas, have you?

Chuck: Awesome... !

(banging on door) Let's go, let's go, let's go!

Ellie: Uh... just a minute, Chuck!

Coming!

(sighing): Hi.

Chuck; Hi.

What's up?

Ellie: I was just, uh, I was reading a book.

Chuck: You don't have to lie to me, Ellie.

I know you're planning Sarah's bachelorette party-- come on, we've all got some secrets.

Don't we Awesome?

Devon: You don't know the half of it, bro.

Let me tell you something.

This weekend...

(whispers): I'm going to make a man out of you.

Chuck; Goody! Can't wait for that.

Ellie: Okay, well, you guys have fun. Be safe, and I'm just... I'm going to do stuff.

Devon; Okay.

Ellie: Okay.

Bye.

Chuck: Bye.

Jasmine: We finally have a lock on the Orion computer signal.

(beeping)

Echo Park, Los Angeles.

Riley; Perfect. Let's move.

(tires screeching)

♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪

(whimpers)

♪ Chuck 4x22 ♪
Chuck Versus Agent X
Original Air Date on May 2, 2011

Captain: All right, boys.

I want you to get ready.

Even if you've been to the City of Sin before, you've never been with me.

Chuck: Awesome, thank you so much for planning this trip.

Devon; Dude, you kidding? I live for this.

Captain: Okay, we need to think of this weekend like a w*r.

Casey; Now you're talking my language.

Devon; When we get there, we immediately take over The Strip.

Lester: High rollin' on The Strip!

Morgan: What the... Ow! Ow!

What are you doing? !

Lester: I'm making it rain--

Canadian style-- which is, technically, making it snow.

(as Wu Tang): Dolla dolla coins, y'all!

Boom!

Casey: Save the Socialist funny money.

Captain: And save your energy.

Vegas is the land of excess.

For those of you who like to chase tail, there is plenty of that, too.

Big mike: Rest up, boys...

'cause we might not sleep again for a long time.

(all whooping, clapping)

Ellie: Here’s to a delightful bachelorette weekend. l

Sarah: Cheers.

So, are you going to let me in on the big secret?

What have you got planned for tomorrow?

Ellie: Okay, we are going to a spa in Santa Barbara, and we're not just doing massages we're doing body scrubs, too.

Sarah; Wow, uh...

That sounds very... relaxing.

Ellie: Get ready for some hardcore aromatherapy.

(tires screech)

Captain: All right, boys!

Let's tear this town a new one!

Yeah! Woo-hoo! (indistinct shout)

(shrieking): Whoo!

Lester: Whoo! Whoo!

(all laughing and cheering)

Devon; Welcome to Las Vecas, boys!

(laughs)

Chuck: Captain, what's, uh, what's-what's going on?

This is not Las Vegas.

Devon; Las Vecas, buddy. Look!

Chuck; So this whole time you've been saying "Las Ve-cas"?

Devon; Of course! What else would I be saying?

Chuck; Las Vegas.

Morgan: Hold on a second, I heard you say we're going to the City of Sin.

Devon: This is the City of Cinn... amon Falls.

After the famous waterfall.

The locals call it the "City of Cinn. "

Mike: What about taking over The Strip?

Devon: Yeah, the old mining strip. It's next to the campsite.

Lester:,I thought we were going to chase tail.

Devon: There's a huge yellow-bellied marmot population.

They love being chased.

Casey: Long as I can set up a g*n range.

Devon: Yeah, nature's g*n range-- the great outdoors.

Lester: Hey. You okay, buddy?

I know that you were looking forward to partying in Vegas most of all.

Jeff; What? I knew we were going to Vecas!

Oh. This place is amazing!

They grow some magic fungus up in them there hills.

I'm going to go find some; maybe chase a little tail.

Devon; That's the spirit, big guy!

Yeah! Let's get unpacked.

Sarah: Well, I better go unpack and rest up for the big day.

Ellie; Rest up? This is your bachelorette party.

We have to get you tired before you can rest.

Sarah: Tired?

Ellie: Come on...

Women: Surprise!

♪ ♪

Yeah!

Ellie: Come on, you didn't think I was just going to take you to some lame spa, right?

I tried to call the girls from the CAT squad, but they were away in Libya somewhere, so I invited a few of the Wienerlicious girls and some friends from the hospital.

Sarah: Thank you. This is a very nice surprise.

Ellie: I know it's not going to be like as crazy as Vegas, but, uh, we'll have a few drinks, see where the night takes us.

Okay. Okay.

(cell phone vibrates)

Captain: All right, boys.

Get ready for the bachelor party hike.

I figure we can forage for our supper out there. (laughs)

Mike: I do not forage.

Chuck: Okay, look, guys, I know this isn't exactly Las Vegas, but Awesome worked really hard putting this all together, you know?

Casey: Got to admire the man for sticking to his strategy.

Morgan: Sure, and you know what? A hike actually sounds pretty invigorating right now.

I've never hiked in a tie.

Chuck: I know, right? Yeah.

Get the blood pumping.

I mean, it could be just as fun as Vegas.

'Cause this weekend is-is... it's about bonding after all, isn't it?

Lester: No. No, it isn't.

Big Mike: Not at all. It's about steaks and gambling and-and getting into in some weird stuff that just might haunt you the rest of your life.

Lester; Amen. Michael, may I have a word with you over there by that crappy tree?

Listen.

I have a plan.

Mike: Don't bother telling me-- I'm in.

Lester: All right.

Woman: You were the best, wiener girl.

Sarah; Hey, Chuck, listen, the secure CIA location has been compromised, and we need to bring in the Orion computer immediately.

Can you please call me back and tell me where your sister keeps it, okay? Call me.

Ellie: Okay, game time!

Let's give our bride-to-be a toilet paper dress!

Sarah; Oh, listen, Ellie, can we please talk? I want...

Ellie, wait. We need to talk.

Okay, Ellie, no, this...

Listen, this can't wait. Okay, my...

My employer knows about... about your father's computer, and... and I have to take it to a secure location right now!

Ellie: Why? Why? What happened?

(sighs)

(beep)

Riley; The signal is coming from a mile up the road.

Sarah: Okay, there's nothing to be alarmed about.

It's just, the CIA had a breach of security, and your dad's computer could be involved.

Ellie; Oh, I should have known something like this would happen.

I'm so sorry, Sarah. I...

I was accessing a lot of weird stuff on that computer.

Something about an Agent X and an Intersect program. I hid it in here.

This isn't my bag. This is Devon's bag.

He must have taken it by mistake.

Sarah; You know, it's okay. There is nothing to worry about.

Nobody is in any danger.

Ellie: Okay.

(woman screaming)

(quiet murmuring)

Man: Sarah Walker?

Lock and load!

♪ ♪

(women screaming and cheering)

Sarah: Um...

Oh, okay, uh, I mean, do you mind if I make a phone call?

All right. Oh.

Okay. Um...

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to look at...

I'm sorry. Okay, um...

(clears her throat) General, I need you to put me in touch with our agents in Las Vegas, please.

(cheering and screaming continue)

Ooh, um, is that a g*n? No.

Riley: This way.

CHUCK (sighs): Oh.

That's a... That's a pretty fantastic hike. Thanks.

Devon: Yeah, absolutely.

I'm glad those other dudes found some stuff to do.

Vecas has got a lot for everyone.

Chuck; Ah... right in the ribs.

Uh...

Listen, since it's, uh, just the two of us, you mind if we talk, man-to-man?

Devon; Sure.

Chuck; I know that you didn't take the hard drive out of my dad's computer.

Devon: I'm sorry, Chuck.

It just made Ellie so happy.

I couldn't do it to her.

Chuck: I get it. I-I get that.

And I'm happy that she's happy.

And I'm happy that she's continuing my father's work.

It's just that these secrets-- they're...

I feel like they're tearing my family apart.

Casey: Down, down.

k*ll that light.

Riley: Ah!

Chuck; Devon, why would you bring that to my bachelor party?

Devon; Oh, no. I must have grabbed Ellie's bag.

Man: Ah.

This is the device Miss Volkoff wants.

It has all the Agent X files.

Casey; Vivian Volkoff.

Chuck; Casey, we cannot let her access the information on that computer.

Riley: Sweep the woods.

Leave no witnesses.

JEFF (laughing): Hey!

You guys here for the bachelor party?

Ooh...

Awesome brought entertainment.

Do you like this?

'Cause I got three more where that came from.

Huh! Ooh!

Chuck; They must have tracked the laptop

Devon: Who's this Vivian Volkoff?

Chuck; It's a long story.

Morgan: Actually, it's pretty easy. I mean, it's Chuck's nemesis.

Casey: He put her old man behind bars, she sent an assassin to blow up Castle.

Devon: What about Agent X?

Chuck; I think I might be Agent X.

Devon: Chuck, I am so sorry that I let Ellie touch your dad's computer.

Morgan; Chuck, I'm so sorry I let this guy plan your bachelor party.

Chuck: This is so awful.

Jeff: Oh, yeah.

(laughing)

(laughing): Ooh!

Let's get this party started!

(laughs)

Casey; (whispering): My sentiments exactly.

(blipping)

Riley; The CIA cracked the encryption.

Jasmine: I'll upload the files to Miss Volkoff.

Riley: Yeah, but first, find out how much he knows.

If he doesn't talk, see that he never talks again.

Jeff: Welcome back.

Jasmine; You know why I'm here, don't you?

Jeff: Is it because I've been a bad boy?

(laughs)

What's in the sh**t?

Jasmine: Sodium pentathol-- truth serum.

Jeff: Freaky.

I don't think that'll mix with what I'm on.

(laughs)

(Jeff guffawing)

Morgan: Guys-- Jeff-- they're torturing him.

Lester and Big Mike can wander in at any second.

Devon: We got to do something.

Chuck; Yeah, yeah, yeah. Casey, what's the plan?

(grunting)

Devon:,Who was that?

Casey: Mercenaries.

Ex-Green Berets, judging by their tactics.

I count three, including the leader in camp.

Morgan; Guys, did you see that clean break?

Devon: Maybe I can save him.

Casey: No, he's dead, and so are we, unless you three tighten up.

Devon; What's this?

Casey: You and Morgan are gonna find some good strong sticks and start sharpening.

Morgan: Yes, sir.

Perfect. Sharpening what?

Casey: Toothpicks.

Morgan: Ah.

Casey: Spears, you idiot.

I'll draw the rest of the team out into the woods.

Chuck: I'm sorry. You want us to fight former Green Berets with spears?

Casey; Not you. You're gonna go down to the camp and spring Jeff.

Happy hunting, boys.

Devon: Happy hunting?

Big Mike: Looking. Looking. Looking.

I'm showing the nearest casino's in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Lester: Did you say Las Vecas?

Mike; I did not

Lester: Well, no. We have to stay local.

There's got to be a nightclub or a bar or... a liquor store or... ?

Mike:,Vegas! Vegas, Vegas, Vegas.

Lester: Are you saying Vecas... ?

Mike; Don't play with me, boy.

We are getting the hell out of here.

This is not what I signed up for.

Lester; Wait. No!

We can't just leave them. They may die out there.

Mike: Take the drama down a notch.

Lester: I only care about Jeff.

(sighs)

Morgan: Ooh!

Devon; What? What is it?

Morgan; A splinter, I think.

Devon: Let me take a look.

Morgan: Oh, please. Listen to me. There are men trying to k*ll us.

I can handle a little splinter, all right?

I mean... Ooh, it... it hurts!

(grunts)

Devon: Morgan, you ever k*ll a man?

Morgan: I'll tell you something.

The first one... the first one's the hardest.

There's no doubt about it.

Devon: Wow. Really?

Morgan: No, not really. They don't even give me a g*n on missions.

Are you kidding me?

(grunts)

Captain: I'm a doctor.

I took an oath to preserve lives.

Morgan: What about your own life?

Dude, you heard Casey. It's them, or it's us.

Captain: What if we met these guys at a bar?

You know, we could be frat brothers, for all I know.

Morgan: Frat brothers-- these are mercenaries, dude.

(silenced g*nsh*t) Drinks? Beers?

(body thuds)

Devon: You hear something?

Morgan: No. You're having first "mish" jitters.

Devon; It's not my first "mish.

Morgan: " I think it's your first "mish. "

Casey: How are those spears coming?

Devon:You are lucky we didn't k*ll you with these spears!
They are really sharp.

Morgan; I feel so bad for those mercenaries right about now-- zah!

Casey: You ought to. They're dead.

Devon: Dead? Well, what are these for?

Casey: They kept you out of my way.

Riley: Men, what's your status?

Casey:,Oh, poor baby. you're fresh out of friends. Looks like

Riley; Well, in that case, I'm just gonna have to come out there and k*ll you myself.

The c*ptive's unconscious. k*ll him.

Jasmine: (laughs) I see you've had Kn*fe training.

Let me give you one final lesson.

(grunting)

(grunting)

Riley: It's over.

(grunting)

(grunts) (panting)

Jasmine: It's over.

(sighs)

(whimpers, grunts)

(body thuds)

Casey: Sorry to interrupt your little lap dance.

(gasps)

(whimpers)

(mutters)

Riley; If anyone's still alive, meet me at the extraction point.

Lester: What the hell's going on?

Devon; Jeff's having a bad trip. We've got to get out of Vecas now.

Mike: Good thing you boys came to your senses.

Jeff:Best bachelor party ever.

Vecas, baby! Yeah.

Sarah: Hey, where have you been?

Beckman sent a team to Vegas.

They've been looking for you.

Chuck; Yeah, wrong Vegas.

Sarah: So where is Orion's laptop?

Beckman thought that--

Chuck: She was right-- Vivian Volkoff sent a team for it.

They tried to k*ll us.

Devon: I've got to tell Ellie what she got herself into.

If I didn't grab the wrong bag, you girls would have been ambushed.

Sarah; I agree-- Ellie deserves to know.

I'll tell her.

I feel responsible that the CIA used her to find Agent X.

Chuck; No, I'll tell her.

Sarah; But then you'll have to tell her the truth about you.

Chuck: I know.

Ellie: What are you doing home?

Chuck; Uh, I had to cut the bachelor party short.

There-There's something that's been on my mind.

Ellie: What is it?

(sighs)

Chuck; We've always been able to tell each other anything, right?

Lately I felt like...

Ellie; Like there's something in the way.

Chuck; Yes, exactly, our family is so full of secrets.

Ellie: Too many secrets.

I mean, our parents alone...

Chuck; Yeah, and, and, d d I don't think there should be any secrets between the two of us.

Ellie: I've been working on something secret.

I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry and...

Chuck: I know about Dad's laptop and his research-- Mom told me.

Ellie: So why are we here? (chuckles)

You're still a spy.

Chuck; Wait, w-w-wait, wait, wait a second, I had a whole speech and you just figured that out.

You can't figure that out by yourself.

Ellie: I think I just did.

Chuck: You just Rubik's Cubed me, sis.

Ellie; Of course you still work for the CIA.

Sarah's a spy, you're clearly built for better things than the Buy More.

(quiet laugh)

Chuck: You're not mad?

Ellie: I'm not mad that you did it.

I'm mad that you didn't tell me.

I mean, I get it-- it's the same reason that I kept Dad's computer a secret from you.

(sighs)

Us Bartowskis-- when we're good at something, we just jump right in, don't we?

No more secrets, though.

Chuck: One more little secret.

Ellie: Wow, look at this place.

What are you guys guarding down here that's so important?

Chuck: Uh, well... me.

El, you know that Intersect project that Dad was working on?

Ellie: Yeah, I've been trying to figure it out for weeks.

Chuck; It's in my head.

Ellie: What?

No...

Chuck; Uh, Morgan, Katana sword, please.

Morgan: Oh, yes, yes, Katana, all right.

Uh, full speed or half speed?

Chuck: Full speed, thank you.

Okay, okay.

Banzai... !

(grunting)

(speaking Japanese): (speaks Japanese)

Morgan; Sleeveless.

It's a bit '80s, but I like this look.

Chuck; Pretty cool, right?

(sighs)

Ellie: Our dad was amazing.

He did it.

He actually figured out a way to program the human brain using...

What happened?

I was going to use this to find Agent X.

Chuck;,Ellie, you found him.

You're looking at the first human Intersect-- it's me.

Ellie: No, not unless he gave it to you before you were born.

November 21, 1980.

Sarah: What, there was an Intersect before Chuck?

Ellie: From what I can piece together from his files, Dad used this program to input a new identity into an operative.

Casey: So Agent X could go undercover.

Ellie: But once he went undercover, something went wrong.

The program took over.

He became his cover identity.

Dad must have felt responsible for it and that's why he spent his whole life looking for him.

Not that that's going to happen now.

Chuck: Ellie, I haven't spent ten years in the Nerd Herd for nothing.

Morgan, get my tools.

Morgan: Yes, sir, of course.

What tools?

Chuck: For fixing computers.

Morgan: Tools for fixing computers, coming up.

Mike: Well, I might as well get started on this inventory.

Somehow my cover story became the truth.

Hold on a second.

Let me ask you two a question.

Who am I?

Lester: You're Big Mike.

Mike: No, I'm Rain... of Earth, Wind, Fire, and Rain.

And Rain does not waste a free party pass.

Jeff: Neither does Thunder.

Is that name taken?

Lester: Okay, wait, wait-- are we going to go to the real Vegas?

Mike: No.

Lester: Well, then...

Mike: Me and the boys had a standing engagement in a city that makes Vegas look like the Vatican.

Lester: What is this mythical place?

Mike: Go get my Corolla.

We're going to The Big Dirty-- Reno.

Got it. (sighs)

Okay, here, uh, here are the files.

Dad must have collected everything there was on Agent X, for what it's worth.

Casey: His whole file's been redacted.

Sarah; Except for a name-Hartley.

Ellie: He did leave something else.

I have no idea what it means or if it's some sort of clue.

(gasps)

Chuck: I know where that is.

Ellie; What, how?

The Intersect-- that's incredible.

Chuck: Yeah.

(gasps)

Ellie, look at that date.

It's a week before Agent X went missing.

Sarah; Do you think maybe he took the photo as a keepsake before his final mission?

Chuck; This place must be special for him.

Maybe it's his home.

Casey; Or some kind of safe house.

Sarah: You think Agent X has been hiding out there for 30 years?

Hmm.

Ellie: What's going on?

Chuck: Uh, well, Ellie, we're not the only ones trying to find Agent X.

The people who put that hole in Dad's laptop-- they're after him, too.

Ellie: Well, I'm coming with you.

Chuck: What, are you crazy?

No, two words: Baby Clara.

Ellie: What about you?

Chuck: Don't worry about it.

It's what I do.

(kisses)

Chuck: Place hasn't change in 30 years.

Sarah; Looks like somebody's still living there.

Casey: If this Agent X guy has been hiding from the CIA all these years, he might not take too well to being found.

WOMAN (British accent): Oh, hello.

May I help you?

(weak laugh)

Chuck; Uh, so sorry to disturb you, ma'am, but our car has just broken down, and I was looking in the, in the boot-- the bonnet.

Sarah; (in British accent): Uh, long story short we're stranded.

Could we please use your phone?

Woman [British accent] Oh, of course, come in.

I'll make some tea while you wait for the lorry.

Sarah: [ British accent] Thank you.

Woman; [British accent]That way.

Casey (in British accent): Cheers, lovely.

Casey: What's taking her so long?

Chuck: Will you relax, Casey?

Sarah: You don't think she's Agent X, do you?

Casey: I don't know who the hell she is.

That old bird could be poisoning our tea as we speak.

Woman: Here we are.

Nice cup of tea.

Now, get it while it's hot.

And this one is for you.

Chuck: Thank you.

Delicious, thank you.

Woman [ British accent] So where are you all from?

Sarah [ British accent] Um, not far from here, actually.

I was just showing my fiancé a bit of the countryside before the wedding.

He's American, of course.

Hmm.

Woman: And this handsome young man?

Chuck: He is-is a hitchhiker we picked up on the edge of town.

Yeah, he had such a nice face, we figured, what the hell?

Sarah [ British accent] Uh, I was just telling my fiancé that my father had a friend who lived here, actually.

Woman: In this house?

Oh, how interesting.

Sarah: Yes, I believe his name was Hartley.

Any relation to you?

Woman: Oh, no, I'm just an old spinster.

But I do know the man you're referring to.

He was the previous tenant.

A bit of a recluse, judging by the way he left the place.

Sarah: Oh, do you know what happened to him?

Woman: No, I'm afraid not.

Chuck:(clears throat) Thank you for the tea.

Maybe we should go and wait for the tow truck.

Woman: But he did leave behind a box of personal effects.

Oh, I'd forgotten all about it.

I mean, it has been 30 years.

Oh, well, I'd hate to bother you.

Woman: No, you're welcome to it-- well, if your fiancé would kindly give me a hand.

I believe it's a bit heavy.

Chuck: I would love to.

Woman [ British agent] Oh, wait here while I grab a torch.

Chuck: Oh, delightful.

Okay.

(clears throat)

(r*fle cocks)

Woman: Tell me who you are, and what you want with my son-- before you make me go ruin my wallpaper.

Please, please, ma'am, I'm-I'm here to help your son.

I'm here to help Hartley. I'm with the CIA.

Woman: So, you're saying you work for the people who took my son?

Give me your sidearm.

Chuck: Ma'am, I actually don't carry a g*n.

Woman: Hartley should never have been sent undercover.

He was a scientist.

When the CIA couldn't bring him in, they disavowed him.

No one lifted a finger!

Chuck; They did, they did! My father, he spent his entire career trying to find Hartley.

Woman: You're Stephen Bartowski's boy?

Chuck: You knew my dad?

Woman: Of course.

He and Hartley were quite close.

(gasps)

Are you gonna fix my son?

Jasmine: This is the place.

Riley: Looks like someone b*at us to it.

Move out.

Casey: Not bad.

(g*nf*re)

(g*nf*re continues)

Great. We're outgunned and outmanned.

Woman [ british accent] What are you waiting for, laddie?

Lay down some fire.

Who are these people?

Casey: Mercenaries.

Must have followed us.

Woman: They're not after you.

They're after the same thing you came for.

Hartley's spy will.

(g*nf*re continues)

Oh. Here.

There's a vault in the cellar.

You'll find the spy will down there.

Go! We can handle this!

Oh, put down that damn peashooter.

There's a real g*n in the chest.

There.

I prepared for something like this.

Casey: You know how to feed one of these things?

Woman: Please! You're feeding me.

Chuck: Where would you put a spy will?

(g*nf*re continues)

Woman: There go my primroses!

Eat lead, you bastards!

Chuck: Bingo.

Casey: We're out. Now what?

Woman: We'll have to scuttle the house.

Riley: (whispers): Go! Go!

Go!

Casey: You're like the mother I never had.

Woman: Oh, and charming to boot.

Come on, let's go find your team, so we can get out the back door.

♪ ♪

Chuck; What's she doing?

Casey: You don't want to know.

Woman: Ready?

♪ ♪

Jasmine: Oh, no.

♪ ♪

(explosions thundering)

(laughing)

(Mrs. Winterbottom continues laughing)

Winterbottom: Oh, you remind me of my son.

He didn't care much for g*ns, either.

Whatever it was in this box, I hope it's what you're looking for.

(laughing)

Casey: I love this woman.

Mike: Only a few more hours till we hit Reno.

Lester: Reno? More like Reen-yes!

Mike: Man, they won't know what him 'em when we pull up in my luxurious yet practical automobile.

Lester: Yeah. It practical.

♪ ♪
Mike; Oh, man, this is my jam!

Lester: This yours?

Mike: Whoo!

Reno, here we come!

♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪

Jeff; We're here.

Lester: Really? Whoo!

Whoo!

Yes! Whoo! Whoo!

Jeffrey, this isn't Reno.

Jeff: Um, yeah, it is.

Mike; Good Lord!

I can't believe this is happening.

Jeff: You're welcome.

(yells)

Lester: No, no, no, no, no!

I blame you, Michael!

Wait.

Stop k*lling. Stop the k*lling.

What's that over yonder?

Mike: Boys, we're here.

(sighs with relief)

Lester: Let's make it snow!

Mike:,Remember, boys, the joker's worth 13.

Ellie:,Are we waiting for a code from the CIA to open it or something?

Chuck; I was just waiting to open it with you.

Ellie: So the identity of Agent X is inside that box.

Chuck; Our dad's obsession.

Ellie: The whole reason that our family fell apart.

(beeping)

(whirring)

Chuck; Wha... ?

Volkoff?

Chuck: Agent X is Alexei Volkoff?

Ellie: I know this man.

Mom brought him to the house for Thanksgiving.

He's a spy right?

Chuck: No, not exactly.

Sarah: He's locked up now, but Alexei Volkoff is a very powerful, very evil arms dealer.

Chuck: Yeah, but he wasn't. I mean, that's the thing.

Volkoff was a cover identity.

In reality, he was just a scientist who didn't like using g*ns.

Ellie: So Dad's original Intersect created one of the world's most dangerous criminals for the CIA?

We should talk to Mom.

Chuck: Maybe she was trying to fix him, too, you know, in her own way.

Sarah; We need to call Beckman, see what our next step is.

Casey; No.

We tell no one.

Interrogation room. Now.

It ends here.

We're all gonna pretend we never saw this.

Ellie: John, my dad clearly wanted Chuck and me to figure this out.

There must be a reason.

Casey: Look, the CIA created one of the most murderous men in the history of the world.

There's powerful people who spent an enormous amount of energy covering that up.

You know what happens if they find out we know?

They order a guy like me to put a b*llet in each one of our heads.

I'm pretty sure your dad didn't want this to end that way.

Ellie: So we're supposed to just sweep this thing under the rug?

Chuck; Ellie, we're talking about the CIA.

There are rules.

Ellie: What about Dad?

Chuck; What about Dad? What if his plan was just to get us to search together?

Chuck: You know? We haven't exactly been the most honest siblings the past couple of years.

♪ ♪

Ellie: No, we haven't.

Chuck: But this search... it made us rely on each other.

Be honest, work together.

Ellie: What if that was only half of it?

I-I don't think that we're supposed to stop here, Chuck.

I don't think that we're supposed to just find Agent X.

We're supposed to fix him.

(sighs)

This isn't for the CIA to solve, Chuck.

I think this is for us.