05x04 - Chuck Versus the Business Trip

[bunniefuu]

Chuck: Hi I'm Chuck.

Here are a few things that you might need to know.

Devon: Ever here of carbon monoxide? Stop sleeping in your van, Jeff.

Jeff: I'm seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time.

Lester: Are you high?

Chuck: Morgan, the Intersect that you uploaded, there's something wrong with it.

There was some kind of Trojan horse hidden in the software.

That's why you're not acting like yourself!

Casey: You've text-messaged a breakup with my little girl?

Morgan: I can do better.

Beckman: Morgan told anyone who wanted to hear he had the Intersect.

Chuck: Decker wants Morgan dead.

(beeping)

(beeping)

Chuck: Stop!

(Chuck gasping)

Morgan: Chuck...

Chuck, what the hell, man? !

Chuck: Morgan, you stay away from douche-cycle, okay?

We've gotta get you back to Castle now.

The CIA knows you're the Intersect.

You have a hit out on you!

Morgan: Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah-yeah-yeah. Let's go Let's go. Don't freak out, though, okay?

I am still the Intersect.

Not to mention I happen to stand by my Montracer's coolness factor. Please, okay?

I'm just gonna grab some...

Chuck: No, no!

Morgan: Yes, I agree that it is okay to freak out.

Chuck: Thank you.

Sarah: Morgan, the only reason there's a hit on you is because you got the Intersect in your head.

Chuck: So we just need to get it out of your head, let the CIA know it's over, and you'll be safe.

Casey: And a moron again.

Sorry moron still

Morgan: How do we start that? Is Ellie working on something?

Sarah: No, we, uh... called in the big g*ns.

(video games trilling)

Beckman: So shocked you people are running out of money.

Chuck: m*ssile Command is a part of our process.

Beckman: All right, let's clean up this mess.

Are you ready, Mr. Grimes?

Morgan; Yes, ma'am. Let's do it.

Let's get this mind-melting, assassination-producing thing out of my head.

Chuck: Don't worry, buddy, just so sit back, relax, breathe.

Morgan: (exhales) So that's it?

It's, it's really over? Superhero no more?

Okay, all right, if you're absolutely sure this is the only way.

Chuck: Morgan, look, trust me, I know how you feel, I do, okay?

The Intersect is a lot of fun.

But this is all for the best.

Morgan: I know. I know. I do.

Can I just do one last thing first?

Chuck: You ready, buddy?

Morgan: Ready.

♪ ♪
♪ ♪

Sarah; (sighs) Wow.

Chuck: Man, I miss the Intersect.

Morgan: Okay, let's do this.

Bye, Captain Morgan.

(beeps, whooshing)

Okay, okay, wow, yeah, yeah.

Casey: You all right?

Morgan: Fine. Yeah, great.

(groans)

(gasps)

Casey: That was for dumping Alex.

Morgan: I get it! I get it!

And the first thing I'm gonna do is apologize to her, okay?

But do I need to remind you that my mind was melted?

Chuck: How's your memory, buddy?

You remember Die Hard, Star Wars,

Chewie, Yoda, "Yippie Ki-Yay"?

Morgan: Sorry, dude, no, it all kinda sounds like gibberish.

Sarah; It is.

Morgan: Well, I feel fine otherwise, you know?

I guess my brain just got rid of the unimportant stuff.

Which there seemed to be plenty of.

Sarah; General, how long will it take to call the hit off?

Beckman; I'll contact you when he's clear.

Until then, Grimes, stay down here.

And the rest of you, don't make a mistake like this again.

Chuck: Thank you, General.

Beckman; Stop playing with government toys.

You have plenty of your own.

Captain: And we lower the babies to our chests as we breathe in... and blow it out as we raise 'em back up.

In... out...

In... out...

Oh, hey, guys!

Grab a mat, join baby yoga.

We can share Clara.

Chuck: We'd love to, but we're kind of in a rush.

Hey! Hey, baby Clara!

How's my favorite niece in the world?

Devon: Clara is a rad yogi.

You know, I probably shouldn't say this, but she's a way more grounded breather than these other jokers.

Sarah: Wow. Well, looks like you're really enjoying paternity leave.

Devon: I have adjusted 100%.

I could do this forever.

Let's go ahead and put our babies into a teeny downward puppy.

Ellie; Hey.

Sarah: Hi.

Ellie: Hi.

Chuck: Hey, there's Superdad's missus.

Ellie; Uh, yes, Devon is really taking to the stay-at-home daddy thing.

He's gotten into mommy groups that wouldn't even call me back.

Sarah: Hmm.

Well, you're lucky he's willing to stay at home.

Ellie;,Yeah, yeah, I'm a happy lady.

Chuck; Well, happy lady, have a great day at work.

Ellie; Thanks. Have a good one.

Bye, Clara.

Captain: Say, "Bye, Mommy. "

Bye...

Chuck: Man, how great are Ellie and Awesome, huh?

They're just a nice, happy, normal couple.

Sarah; Yeah, they are.

Chuck; We aren't all that normal, are we?

Sarah: No, no, not really, but we're happy and we're nice.

Chuck: It's just, you know, my best friend is being hunted; his brain almost turned to mush.

I haven't slept in nearly a week because our family business is is on the brink of bankruptcy.

And we're spies who aren't allowed in the CIA.

I just, I just think you know, maybe we're at a fork in the road.

Sarah: Well, you want, you want to not be spying?

Chuck; I just wonder what it'd be like to be a normal married couple.

Regular 9:00 to 5:00's, more taco nights, less evil cabals?

Sarah: Look, I know things have been a little crazy right now, but Morgan's gonna be fine, and we're gonna figure out this whole free-agent spy thing.

Chuck:,Even now that we don't have the Intersect?

Sarah; Yes, even now.

♪ ♪

Chuck; Mmm... mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm! Here we go.

Here we go.

(phone rings)

Oh, no.

Beckman: Most of the assassins have been called off.

Morgan: "Most" of the assassins? Okay, good.

That's like getting "most" of the brain tumor.

Chuck: I don't understand what the problem is, General.

Casey; The problem's name is "Decker. "

Beckman: That's right.

The order originally came from his desk.

Chuck; He's already ousted us from the Agency.

What's his problem?

Sarah: He's not done with us.

Beckman: Perhaps we should...

Decker; Good afternoon. I hear we're having the most unfortunate little k*ll order mix-up.

Beckman: Don't you ever interrupt my feed again, Decker.

I am still your superior.

Chuck: Decker, what's going on?

Morgan is Intersect-free. Call off this hit.

Decker; Oh, I really do want to.

But unfortunately, and probably not accidentally, I also sent the order out to one outside contractor.

One who can't be recalled.

It's sort of his "thing. "

It's, uh, codename "Viper. "

Beckman: The Viper? !

He goes completely dark once he's cashed the check.

Decker: Which, sadly, he's done.

Sarah; What does he know?

Decker: Just the name Morgan Grimes. That should do it.

Beckman: That's all he needs.

The Viper's never had an uncompleted mission.

Decker: Why don't I leave you all with a little look-see at some of his famous kills?

So many dead people.

Morgan; I'm gonna be down here for the rest of my life.

And I have all these broken relationships I need to fix upstairs.

Chuck: Don't worry, buddy.

Your name's not gonna be on that list.

Sarah: No way. We're on it.

Casey: Yeah, leave it to the three friends you recently stabbed in the back.

♪ Chuck 5x04 ♪
Chuck Versus the Business Trip
Original Air Date on November 18, 2011

(tires screeching)

♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪

(whimpers)

Morgan; Marked for dead. Kinda sexy.

It's not terrifying. Why?

'Cause my big bad spy friends are gonna take care of it.

Chuck: That's right, buddy, nothing to worry about.

Casey: All we have to do is lure out this Viper creature and neutralize him.

Chuck: Look, there's no reason why we can't reason with him.

You know, the man's just doing a job.

There's no vendetta involved.

Maybe we can talk to him, contractor to contractor.

Like normal people.

(laughing)

Lester: (laughs) Oh, man!

Jeffrey, you're not noticing I'm doing something interesting here, buddy?

Jeff: Oh, sorry. What's up?

Lester: Okay, so, listen, as you know, the big Salesman of the Year convention is taking place this weekend in Riverside.

Jeff: But you never sell anything.

You just eat Pirate's Booty and watch large- lady p*rn.

Lester: I'm aware of that, but I rigged it so that every employee's sales this quarter have been logged under my name.

My friend, I'm going to be up to my eyebrows in popcorn shrimp and some sweet Inland Empire lady parts.

Jeff: But what about the rest of us?

Like, what if I wanted to go?

Lester: No, no, you don't.

You like being number two.

Lester: I made you number two, man.

Jeff: I don't think I do.

Lester: You do. Stop spewing nonsense.

Jeff: Sometimes I think you are a bad person.

Now, undo what you've done.

I know you'll feel better if you earn this on your own.

Big mike; Son, are you reading a book?

Jeff: Yes, I am.

Big mike: I'm gonna get my camera.

Chuck: Let the reeducation of Morgan Grimes begin.

Morgan: Oh, yes, I am so excited.

What do I start with?

Chuck: Easy. Star Wars.

(sighs) I'm so jealous.

Enjoy, while we sort this out.

And don't worry, the Force is strong in this one.

Morgan: Ah, no idea what that means, (cell phone rings) but I'm pumped.

Well, have fun.

Okay, all right. Hello?

Morgan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Casey, Casey.

Want to watch Star Wars with me?

Casey: Uh... no. No, but hey, don't start with A New Hope.

Old ones, nobody likes that.

Phantom Menace. Everybody loves Phantom Menace.

Morgan: Hey, you're all right.

Thanks, man.

Casey: Yeah, sure.

Morgan: The Phantom Menace.

Yeah, this is gonna be awesome.

Chuck: I'm sorry, who is this again?

Jeff: Jeffrey. Jeffrey Barnes.

You know, from the Buy More.

Chuck: Oh!

Hey... Jeff!

Wow. You sound... normal.

Jeff: We really need a decision on who will be chosen to go to the Buy More Salesman of the Year weekend in Riverside, and our manager cannot be located.

Chuck: Huh.

You know, let me, uh, let me call corporate, and I'll let you know.

Jeff: Great. Thanks, Chuck.

Bye.

Chuck: I know how to find the Viper.

Chuck: So, I've talked to corporate, and it turns out that the Salesperson of the Year and winner of the coveted weekend in Riverside, California, is...

(sighs)

Morgan Grimes! (clapping)

Lester: Are you pulling my considerable chain? !

Grimes has barely shown his face in weeks!

Big mike: I love the boy, but it's true.

Lester: No, no, no. Guys, guys, guys!

Do you not see what's happening?

This is a fix!

Lester: It's obviously fixed.

Now, you know what?

I revolt.

I revolt! Who's with me? !

Other Employees: Yeah!

(employees cheering)

Jeff: Li-Listen, I'm disappointed, too.

But aren't we all still lucky to be here?

Working in a great place, in a down economy?

Surrounded by our great-looking Buy More co-workers?

Big mike: Selling fine goods to the few people who haven't discovered Amazon.

Jeff: So what if we just use this as a wake-up call and vow to work even harder for the next year?

Employees: Yeah!

(employees murmuring approval)

Chuck: This is...

(chuckling): I don't know what this is, but I-I like the new work ethic, Jeff.

You keep that up.

I gotta go.

(employees cheering)

Chuck: So, here's the plan:

We send Morgan to Riverside.

We make it as public as possible, so that the Viper hunts him down.

But before he can strike, we do.

And after all this is over, Morgan can be just a regular guy again.

Morgan: Okay, yeah, put myself out there, allow myself to be hunted.

Mm.

Yeah.

Now, not to sound like a baby, but without the Intersect, it does seem a bit more... terrifying.

Chuck: It won't be as hard as you think. (pats back)

(indistinct chatter)

Chuck: Hi.

I'm Morgan Grimes.

(computer beeps twice)

Chuck: You Oh, look at all these nice people.

Wonder which one is trying to k*ll me.

(microphone feedback squeals)

Hello, Buy Most-ers!

(crowd cheering)

And welcome to all the salespeople of the year.

Now, I say "salespeople, " because some of you are even ladies.

So, good for you.

Another cr*ck in that ceiling.

We're going to have to get that thing fixed.

I'm just joshing, just joshing.

Grab a yard of margaritas and get your mingle on!

(crowd whooping)

Sarah; Well, Morgan, you ready to get your mingle on?

Chuck: So ready to get my mingle on. Thank you.

Casey, you good?

Casey: We're up and running.

Remember, I need pulse bio-feedback.

The finger-pads don't give us lie detection unless you're actually touching the subject.

Sarah: Got it. Touch the subject, see if they're lying.

Chuck: If they are, perhaps they want to k*ll Chuck.

And if they aren't, perhaps I grab another crab-puff.

Sarah: Okay, stay alert.

All we know is that the Viper kills at close range.

That's why he's so accurate, but that only means no sniping.

He could use poison, so just watch your food and drink intake, okay?

Okay, he has strangled, knifed, drowned, and there is a pool here.

So, you know?

Chuck; Got it. Lots of ways to die today.

Sarah: Okay. Once we identify the target, I'll move in and neutralize him.

Chuck; Yeah, not normal husband-wife conversation.

Chuck: (men chuckling) Hey, how you guys doing?

Morgan Grimes, Burbank Buy More.

And where are you from?

Champaign-Urbana!

Prettiest place on God's sweet earth.

(chuckling) That's where I was born, and, uh, where, God willing, I will die.

(monitor chirps)

Casey: Yep. He checks out.

As you know, we're all just visitors in this sweet corn festival that, uh, is life.

CASEY (over comms): Poor sucker thinks that's true.

Chuck; Well, it's nice to meet someone who loves where they're from.

And what about you friend?

You're looking a little flushed there.

You running a fever?

No. Always get red after my ninth or tenth.

Irish blood, you know?

Just a race to see if our noses or our hearts will explode first!

(mimics expl*si*n)

Chuck; (laughs) Ah!

Either way, though, we're dead by 50!

Mm. (laughing)

Chuck: Oh!

(all laughing)

Casey; Yep, true, too.

Chuck: You guys are too much. I'm gonna take off.

All of you sh*ts, sh*ts, sh*ts, sh*ts, sh*ts!

Aw, man, Crazy Bob, you're k*lling me!

Literally, this is terrible for my liver condition.

Bob: Hey, there you go.

You're the new guy; got you a special one.

Drink it.

Drink it now.

Drink it!

Please drink it. They're so loud.

Man: Oh, he took it down!

He took it... (sputtering)

Bob: Oh, you are welcome.

Crazy Bob's sh*ts'll k*ll ya.

(laughing)

You're a lifesaver.

Mm!

♪ ♪

Good to see you.

Casey: Yep. He checks out.

Linda: Oh! Randy, come on.

Leave the pretty lady alone.

(laughs) Hey.

I am sorry about how all these leeches are gonna paw at you all weekend.

And also wildly jealous.

(both laugh) Hi, I'm Linda.

Hi. Hi. Sarah.

It's very sweet of you.

Linda: So, um, seriously, how do you look like this?

Ten years at Buy More, I can't keep my face out of the cheese balls.

Casey; True.

The lady loves her cheese balls.

Clear.

Hi.

She's good, too.

Clear.

True.

It checks out. Clear.

Chuck : All clear there, Jim.

Nothing in the old eyeballs.

(yelling)

Bob: Easy, buddy!

This gets you into the buffet.

(chuckling)

♪ ♪

Woman: Oh, sweetie, Mama's gonna be home soon, I promise.

No, I promise, and I'm going to bring you a treat.

Sarah: (sighs): Oh...

Uh, is everything okay?

Jane: Oh, hi.

I'm just being stupid.

My son has a cold, and... I feel bad I'm here.

Sarah: Oh, I... I understand.

Jane: I'm Jane.

Sarah: Uh, Sarah. Sarah.

I'm here with my husband, Morgan Grimes.

Casey: Walker, move your hand.

Casey: You just checked yourself.

Passed, too. You're getting pretty good at this lying thing.

Jane: Oh, I promise I'm not one of those women who can't be away from her family.

It's just been a while, you know.

I think I've been a mom and a wife for so long, I...

I think I've sort of forgotten how to be a regular person, you know?

Sarah: Oh, I do.

I really do.

Jane: I used to know how to have fun.

I came to one of these things before I was married--

Crazy Bob and I led 18 people in a midnight skinny dip!

Casey; Clear.

Sarah: Well, it sounds like you're the lady that I'm going to be sticking with.

You know everybody here.

Jane; Oh, better. I know what everyone looks like naked.

(both laugh)

(all clamoring) You're gonna go in...

No, no!

Chuck: No, no, no, no!

(all cheering)

Oh, my God.

(gasps)

Sarah: Are you okay? !

Chuck; I'm fine!

(crowd whooping)

♪ ♪

(computer trilling softly)

Morgan: Wait a minute.

Oh, my gosh.

I have to ask you something man-to-man here, okay?

Did I seriously like Phantom Menace?

Because I would rather scratch out my eyeballs than to listen to that Jar Jar Binks anymore.

Ai-yi-yi.

I don't know, maybe my brain has changed.

Mm...

You know what hasn't changed?

My feelings for Alex.

Yeah, if there's one thing I remember, it's that I was an ass, an-and that I love her.

The crazy thing is, she changed her phone number.

So, just wondering maybe you can help me out?

Casey; And tell her what, that you had a secret supercomputer in your head, made you into a jackass?

No.

Nothing left to say. It's over.

(sighs)

Hey, oh...

I lied. Start with the originals.

You'd love those.

Morgan: Really?

Mm.

Thanks, man.

Thanks.

Casey; Oh, hey.

Just so you know, Darth Vader-- Luke's father.

Leia is his sister.

Still mad.

(laughter)

Chuck; So, all of a sudden, right, all-all of a sudden, after years and years of lunacy, Jeff is smart, because it turns out he'd been sleeping in his van for years with the engine still running.

The guy wasn't a moron; he was actually brain-damaged.

(laughter)

Bob: Two of our Buy Morons actually contracted scurvy.

Chuck: What?

Bob: Yeah. Scurvy?

Turns out they'd been subsisting solely on the candy from the snack aisle.

They didn't even know anything was wrong until they started seeing their teeth in the Jujubes.

(laughter)

Man, the, uh, Buy More never fails to provide dinner table fodder.

Linda: My kids ask for funny customer stories every night at bed.

Stu: Hey, hey, hey.

Best job ever.

Hear, hear.

Chuck: Cheers. Cheers.

Sarah: Oh, who needs another round?

I do. Me, me, me, me, me.

Chuck: I'll come with you, honey.

Sarah: I kind of love it here.

Chuck: I know. They're, like, the nicest people in the world.

Sarah; Yeah, we've checked everybody, and everyone is exactly who they say they are.

It's amazing.

Chuck: And here we are, lying, all suspicious.

Sarah; You know, I think Jane wants to be my friend.

She asked me out for coffee.

Chuck: She's the Viper.

Sarah: What? No, no, no, no. She passed the test.

And I... I think that she just really likes me.

Chuck: Honey, you're right.

Of course. Of course she does. Duh.

It's just my stupid suspicious spy brain, you know?

Sarah: (sighs) Well, it doesn't matter anyway.

I mean, I'm not really sure what type of friendship is founded on lies.

But we should focus anyway.

I'm sure the Viper is zeroed in on you by now.

We need to lure him out and get you alone and vulnerable.

(laughter)

Chuck: Ladies and gentlemen... ladies and gentlemen. What, what, what?

What? What?

I've had one too many, and I'm going to bed.

Bob; Come on, Morgan. What? ! No.

No, no, no, no, no. Hey, there's poker later, and probably another less-clothed swim party.

Whoo! Huh?

Chuck; I would love nothing more than to see you do a naked cannonball, Irv.

Keep it... keep it on, keep it on, keep it on.

I need to lie down, you know.

I think the sciatica's acting up.

Bob: Yeah. I think I'll call it, too.

Bob!

What? !

Good night. Come on.

See you tomorrow. (groans)

Bob: Yeah, I got to call my family before they hit the hay.

Yeah, one of my kids had a big game today.

Oh.

Casey: That's a lie, Chuck.

Bob: No, Omaha's no St. Louis, but we have a good time.

Sally, in her day, ooh, what a looker.

Yeah, Corn Princess in 1987.

Nope, still lying.

Chuck: Oh. (chuckles)

Well, this is me.

Bob: Oh.

Chuck; Guess I'm just going to be in here.

All by my lonesome.

Bob: Well, sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

(chuckles) Yeah.

Bob; Grimes.

Chuck: Huh?

Bob; I shouldn't have joked about bedbugs.

I mean, they cost the hospitality industry millions of dollars a year.

Wrong thing to say.

Chuck: (sighs) Yep.

I'm alone and vulnerable.

Bob; Hello, Sarah.

Come in.

I've been watching you.

You've got a cute little persona going on.

But I can spot a girl in a costume.

You know, I'm not what I seem, either.

(yells, grunts)

Yeah.

I like costumes, too.

You're not going anywhere until you hippity-hop over here.

It's party time.

Chuck: Sarah!

It was the bartender!

Sarah; Yeah, not everybody here is normal.

(chuckles)

Morgan: Whoa! Yes!

I'm not gonna die.

Hey, Viper.

Suck it.

Can I go home now?

Chuck: Yeah, buddy.

You're good. We're not letting this guy go till he acknowledges the hit's been called off.

Which he's being very stubborn about doing, I might add.

Go ahead, nod your head. Do it.

Yep, hit's off.

No more killy-killy.

Casey: This is not how it's done. Hmm?

Sarah: First, we have to get Decker to rescind the k*ll order, but we'll handle that, Morgan, so, you know, I think you're free to go.

Casey: Hmm. And if you go anywhere near Alex, you're going to be on another hit list. Hmm?

(muttering)

(groans)

Chuck: I'm sorry, buddy. You doing okay?

Morgan: Yeah.

You know, I just... wish he'd give me the number so I can explain to her.

Chuck: Don't give up, you know?

You got to keep trying.

He's a tough one to cr*ck.

You know, uh... it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

Mm-hmm.

Morgan: Truer words will never be spoken.

Chuck: A stitch in time saves nine.

Morgan: Hmm? Lead a horse to water.

Chuck: Just...

(whistles)

Sarah: Hey, I... I got to make a call.

Jane asked me for a drink, and this is going to take a while, so I have to...

Chuck; No, no, no, no. Go.

Casey and I can take care of the Viper handoff.

Sarah: Really? You mean, like, I can go and have an actual normal friend?

Chuck; Yeah. Babe, come on.

We saved a man's life not having to use the Intersect; just awesome husband/wife spy work.

Maybe we can have some normal friends, too.

Sarah: Okay. Well, I'm going to go have a drink with a friend like a real live person.

Have a great time. Thanks.

Devon; Jeff, you have shown incredible improvement in motor skills, language ability, reflexes, memory.

It's like you're an actual person now.

Jeff; Thank you.

I have started to see a lot of things more clearly.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Mommy.

Ellie: Hi, muffin.

Mommy missed you. Yes, she did.

Devon: Babe, I have never seen such a perfect case study for an article on the effects of multiyear carbon monoxide poisoning.

We could get published.

Ellie: That's so interesting.

Jeff, why don't you come by the hospital?

We'll take a look.

Let me see your belly.

Let me see your belly. I could eat you.

Let's go out here and see some fun stuff.

Jeff: Your woman is not happy.

Devon: What are you talking about?

Jeff: Fresh air has made me intuitive.

That woman... wants to be home with her child.

She'll never say it, but it's true.

Morgan: Hey. Alex.

Alex: I am not here to talk to you.

I'm here to see my dad.

Morgan: Look, I just wanted to apologize, that's all.

Alex: There's nothing you can say to make it okay.

You are just not the man I thought I loved.

Morgan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey. Hey.

You want the truth?

You ready?

I had a supercomputer in my head, okay?

And it was melting my brain.

Sarah: Keep walking.

Normal thoughts.

Chuck: So, how do you like working private sector?

It's hard, right?

Figuring everything out, choosing the right small business accounting program.

You're probably not feeling too chatty.

Probably feeling bad we took down the best so easily.

Probably too easily.

We were supposed to catch you.

Chuck; Sarah, wait. Don't move.

Sarah: Oh, my God. What?

Chuck; Look, I know we're trying to be normal people and all, but if we were in spy mode, we'd probably think it was kind of interesting timing that you made a new friend...

I'm Jane.

Chuck: who wanted to hang out with you immediately post-mission.

Sarah: A new friend who was as good as I was at passing a lie detector.

Chuck: And we might wonder if the Viper didn't use a decoy, like we did, to make Morgan feel safe and come out of hiding.

Sarah: And we might think that getting rid of his guards by, say, planting a car b*mb, might be a really great way to go.

(beeping)

Chuck: Okay, here's a spy thought: Don't move your foot.

Sarah: Okay.

Jane: I'm looking for Morgan Grimes.

Morgan: You have to understand this all happened a couple years ago, okay?

Now, I can't give you names and details, 'cause it's confidential-- that sort of thing-- but there were e-mails, and there were supercomputers, okay?

A supercomputer wound up in my brain.

And I zoomed. (imitates whooshing)

That's my word, not theirs, okay?

But the supercomputer that I got was flawed, which is why all this sort of behavior was happening.

I'm really sorry. You have to believe me.

My brain was melting.

You know?

You look a little overwhelmed.

I'll let you process that for a second there.

Jane: I'm sure the manager's around here somewhere.

I'll find him.

Morgan: Got to go now.

Alex: No, Morgan. What are you doing?

Morgan; Come with me. Just come with me.

Alex; Seriously. You always do this.

(muffled shouting)

Casey: You little barbarian son of a bitch.

(engine idling)

(gas hissing)

Jeff: Oh. Help, help!

Help!

Skip, pull the fire alarm!

(alarm ringing, people murmuring)

Someone plug the hose!

Everyone run to safety! I'm saving you!

Jeff: I make no apologies for any of this, Jeffrey.

I-I just needed you back, man.

Big Mike: Pineapple!

(clamoring, alarm continues ringing)

(alarm beeping)

Chuck; (beeping) Yep. Yep.

That's-That's a b*mb.

(beeping)

And it's a nice one.

Morgan: Okay.

Listen to me.

This is what's happening, okay?

There is an elusive assassin, and she is hunting me, okay?

Alex: You are legitimately insane.

Morgan: What? No.

No, no, no, no.

Please, please, look, look, look, look.

Okay, okay. Okay.

It's all right, stay calm.

Alex: She's there.

Morgan: I know, I know.

(cell phone ringing)

Casey: I'm gonna rip your face off.

Morgan: No, shh. Casey, listen to me.

We have the wrong person, okay?

The real Viper is a lady.

And she's here, hunting us.

Casey: Northeast corner of the store.

Get Alex to the broom closet.

You want to live, you're gonna take care of my daughter.

Morgan: Of course.

Listen to me.

We're gonna move when I say move, okay?

Alex: Okay.

Morgan: Move.

(beeping)

Sarah: (cell phone chimes) Chuck, I'm getting some text.

Jane is in the Buy More, and Casey's locked in the castle.

Chuck: Ooh, man.

Okay, well, tell them we'll be there in less than 90 seconds.

Sarah: Okay. Uh, you remember how to do this, right?

Chuck: Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe, kinda, yeah.

I think so. It's normally the red wire.

Or the green wire.

It's normally the red or the green wire; I'm not really sure.

Morgan: I want you to wait in here, all right?

Alex; Okay.

Morgan: Don't you move till I get back.

She's after me.

I'm not gonna put you in danger.

Okay.

I love you.

You don't have to say it back at me.

Would've been romantic, but, uh, it's fine.

It's fine. Good.

(sighs)

Sarah: God, I can't believe I trusted Jane to be who she said she was.

I must have been really desperate for a normal friend.

Chuck: Oh, hey, hey.

Don't-Don't b*at yourself up.

And don't move your foot, really, because this is a very nasty b*mb.

Up with the leg. Up with the leg.

Okay.

Up with the leg. Keep that leg!

Up with that leg. There we go.

There we are.

(cell phone ringing)

Jane: Hello.

Sarah; Jane? Jane, it's Sarah.

Um, I'm so sorry I'm running late.

I'm having a really bad day, and I... I just need somebody to talk to.

Jane: Well, just come to the restaurant.

We'll workshop it.

Sarah: No, I...

I'm so upset, I don't think I can drive.

Jane: Well, just get in the car, turn it on and get here.

Sarah: I can't. My hands are shaking.

Jane: Well, honey, look, I'm really sorry, okay?

I'm not gonna be able to help you right now.

I got to go.

Sarah: No, no, wait. Jane, Jane, I want to tell you something.

I-I feel, I feel really badly.

You've been so open and honest and sweet with me, and I'm so excited to have a new friend.

Jane; Yeah?

(g*n cocks)

Sarah: But I've been lying to you.

About a couple of things.

(g*n cocks) I'm a spy.

Boy, it feels good to say that to a real friend.

By the way, you're amazing at what you do.

I really trusted you.

And I don't do that very often.

Jane: Well, you shouldn't.

Chuck: Wait, wait, stop!

I have your b*mb.

Jane; Which means it's disarmed.

Bye.

Chuck: Thanks, honey.

I kind of thought maybe stepping into the middle of this might have been a bad idea after all, so...

Morgan: I miss knowing kung fu.

Beckman: Remarkable work.

The Viper's perfect record has been broken.

Morgan: Uh, boom.

Suck it.

Jane: Sorry about that, sir.

Decker: I'm obviously relieved the mix-up was righted.

I would never have wanted you to complete your mission after the CIA called it off.

I am one of the good guys.

Sarah: Right. So, in front of all of these witnesses, on a recorded feed, the hit is off?

Decker: Yes.

It's official, the hit is off.

All right, our business here is done.

Good luck running a spy business with no Intersect, huh?

See ya never.

Casey: He's a quippy bastard.

Jane: So can someone get us out of this hole?

Chuck: My pleasure.

Follow me.

Casey: Decker took that well.

Sarah: Yeah, he did.

Casey: I'll take care of it.

Jeff: So, we need to talk.

Lester: Whatever.

We're no longer friends, I get it.

Like I care.

Jeff: I do care.

I wish you were a better person.

But unfortunately, you need to learn there are repercussions for your actions.

Mm.

So, you're under arrest.

Lester: What?

For what?

Cop: Attempted homicide.

Lester: Jeff.

Jeffrey!

Cop; You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Alex: Morgan, we're not gonna get back together.

You told me that you were done with the spy life, and clearly you lied to me in a million different ways.

You're my hero, but you are not my boyfriend.

Morgan: Okay.

I'm sorry.

Morgan: No, it's okay. I get it.

Alex: But, um, we can still be friends.

And I'm really glad we're both here tonight.

Morgan: Me, too.

Sarah: Oh, hey. We're putting out some hors d'oeuvres, if you guys want to come in.

Is my dad here yet?

Uh, he's coming a little late.

DECKER (over earpiece): You haven't said anything yet that's made me think you're still the man for the job.

Jane: I have a reputation to repair.

This will get done.

You need to understand, however, that I have to protect my cover.

Decker: Obviously. Which means...

Jane; Neutralizing everyone who knows who I am.

Walker, Grimes, Casey, Bartowski, Casey's daughter.

(g*n cocks)

Decker: You have approval on everyone but Bartowski and Walker.

Now get it done.

(silenced g*nshots)

Jane: John Casey.

Your life is over if you...

(silenced g*nshots)

Ellie: So, tell me about your day.

Fun parts only, please.

Chuck: Mm. Fun parts only.

Well, this week, I had to pose as Morgan Grimes.

(laughter)

Devon: You would need some serious hormone injections to get a beard like that.

Chuck: Okay, okay.

Well, fortunately for me, my wife likes me baby smooth.

Sarah: I do. My husband was the best human target a wife could ever ask for.

Ellie; Aw, this is fun.

Talking openly about our days.

It's the best.

(door closes) Casey: Hey, everybody.

Sorry I'm late.

No, perfect timing, man-- we were about to sit down and eat.

Here, I'll trade you. Excellent. Thanks.

Alex: Hey, Dad. Where were you?

Casey: Oh, just had an errand to run.

Oh. Yeah.

May I?

Sure.

Casey: Cheers.

♪ ♪

Sarah: Uh, I'd like to make a toast.

Chuck and I have been a little sad this week that we aren't normal people.

I've been having a hard time with the fact that I have no real friends.

But I look around here at all of you today, and I realize that, because of Chuck, I do.

Nobody in the world is closer than we all are.

So, thank you and cheers.

All: Cheers.

Devon; I, too, have an announcement.

I'm going back to work.

Chuck: Well, what? Wait, seriously?

I thought you were happy at home.

Devon; No, I was just putting on a front, you know?

I was going nuts.

Ellie is stepping up and taking care of baby Clara for awhile.

Ellie: Wow. Yes, well, it was too soon for me to go back, anyway.

I missed her too much.

Devon; Yeah. She's totally saving me.

One more "Mommy and Me" class, I would've lost my mind.

Morgan; Hey.

Casey: Hey.

Morgan; I just wanted to tell you that you could probably, uh, ixnay on the whole k*lling me thing, because I'm not gonna bother Alex anymore.

Casey: Mm.

You should move back in.

Morgan; Really?

Casey: Got you a gift.

Morgan; Come on, really?

Indiana Jones.

I like these?

Casey: You did.

Morgan; Are you holding out on me? Is this the only three?

You're not, like, keeping the good ones for yourself or...

Casey: Yeah. There's just the three.

Morgan: Thanks, man.

(knocking)

Chuck: Hey. I got it.

Decker, what is this?

Decker: We're looking for John Casey.

Chuck:Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Decker: John Casey! You're under arrest. For m*rder.