04x06 - If You Love Something, Set It Free

[bunniefuu]

Look at all this trampled!

Alright, calm down.

Look at all the weed that's f*cking ruined!

Look at this, boys. This is f*cking snapped.

These are all f*cking trampled. There's a god-damned road running through here. Everything was going so f*cking good.

All the plants were growing. We planted all four fields They were growing a lot bigger than I expected.

No! Something had to f*ck it up. Now I've got weed being crushed, plants snapped off. And something or something is f*cking around here and it's pissing me off.

Somebody is definitely f*cking with our weed.

Or "something" is.

Here, boys.

Potato g*ns.

You just spray hairspray in the bottom there and then hit it with these barbeque lighters and a f*cking potato will sh**t out of there about 400 MPH Here's the hairspray, boys. Here's the lighters. Okay?

Be careful, 'cause they really f*cking hurt.

I sh*t myself in the face by accident one time.

Come on, man. Why don't we got real g*ns Do you want to go to jail? Don't screw this up, Corey Geez!

Yeah, don't f*ck this up Yo, we got this.

You're making me look bad.

Are you guys f*cked in the head?

We're over here. Take off the blindfolds.

And don't f*ck those up. They're my hockey socks.

Trevor, hands down.

Listen.

What the f*ck is that?

Listen.

Holy f*ck, boys, what if it's a Samsquantch It could be.

They don't exist, Bubbles.

Julian, you try telling that to all the people that got eaten by them. Dirty bastards.

Boys, I'll tell you who it is. It's probably f*cking Lahey.

God, I hope it's not a Samsquantch.

f*ck, I hate those bastards.

Holy sh*t! Holy f*ck! Get the f*ck off!

Ow! f*ck! Ow!

Help me, Corey!

Jesus, f*ck!

Ow, f*ck! I'm f*cking sh*t, you idiots! f*ck!

You alright, man?

f*ck, something's got them Come on, get up.

Boys!

What the f*ck is going on over there?

Boys, what was it?

Man, I don't f*cking know.

Omigod, boys.

We are officially dealing with a f*cking Samsquantch It's probably a ten-footer, by the looks of that stuff Could somebody check and see if my back's cut up, please?

Turn around.

Holy sh*t, dude.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He'll be okay.

Can we get the f*ck out of here, please?

We should probably get these guys to the hospital anyway.

Boys, no f*cking way, man.

Come on, Ricky, I'm scared We gotta leave these guys here to protect the weed plants No, no, no. These guys are hurt, Ricky We're taking them back to the park.

We gotta regroup and figure out what the hell that thing was They're not getting in my f*cking car. They're bleeding.

Come on.

Blood doesn't come out, boys You're not f*cking getting in my car.

Here, Ricky, give me the chips. Hold this, Julian Here.

Here.

Ow! f*ck, Bubbles, they're salt-and-vinegar.

Ow, what are you doing?

Bandages.

You know what? All you guys do now is complain. I'm gonna start calling you "little complainey twins. " How would you like that?

We're not that hurt, Ricky. We can probably finish the shift.

We can go back to work. Let's go, Corey.

Oh, no, boys, let's go. We'll get you fixed up.

You're gonna f*cking bleed to death. Come on.

f*ck, boys, the lights are on. She's probably f*cking awake She's gonna be wild, Ricky I did try. I tried...

Shhh!

Ow! Oh, that's awful.

Guys, listen to me-

Where the f*ck have you guys been?

You guys are gonna have to work in the morning, alright Holy f*ck. What happened to you guys? What'd you do, Ricky Nothing. You know what? We found these guys drunk in a ditch. They were on dr*gs, b*ating each other up.

As a friend, I brought them home so they didn't hurt each other They'll tell you some other lies, but that's what happened That's bullshit, Ricky.

Trevor, smokes, let's go Trevor, don't you dare.

Trevor, let's go.

Let's go.

I only have one left. I wann a save it for the morning.

Trevor, give me the smoke.

Give me that f*cking smoke Let's go.

You know what, Ricky? I know you didn't find them drunk. You took them out and you f*cked them over again. Do you know these guys talk about how cool you are all the f*cking time? They worship the f*cking ground you walk on and you treat them like sh*t. You should try being nice to them for a change.

We love you, Ricky.

Hands down, you guys.

Trevor, let's go, light.

You want to get into this respect bullshit, okay, I'm willing to give these two guys the responsibility of protecting the most important thing in my life right now That's big-time respect and trust.

I'm gonna pay them four bucks an hour.

You don't get it, Julian I'm gonna take them inside and get them cleaned up and you guys can get the f*ck out of here and take care of your own little f*cking dope plants Corey and Trevor, inside right now. Go!

I wouldn't mind making four bucks an hour, Sarah.

We'd love to hang out with you guys and hire you, but apparently it's clear who makes the pants here.

Sarah, they wanna hang out with us. Please.

Inside, right now. Right now. Go!

What about tomorrow? Can we have them tomorrow?

No. You can't ever have them again, Ricky. Go f*ck yourself Go f*ck myself?

Sorry, Sarah.

Corey... we'll pick you guys up tomorrow, alright?

Boys, we gotta figure out what the f*ck that thing was and deal with this dope problem.

We're not gonna have enough money to buy the park if this keeps happening, boys. We're f*cked.

I figured it out, man. It's no big deal.

I'm gonna get a tent and go f*cking camp in that field.

Five, ten g*ns. A big bag of dope.

I'm gonna f*cking take care of it.

I'm going to that field and one of us isn't coming out alive It's not gonna be me.

No g*ns, Ricky.

Go to bed, alright?

We've gotta get up early tomorrow.

Ricky, you can hang out with me in my shed for a bit Got any food?

I got bologna.

Julian, you want a bologna sandwich?

Slow-fry bologna?

I'll take one sandwich.

Hang out with me for a bit Yeah, since, uh, Randy and I have been back in charge, we've been making great strides at collecting the back rent and beautifying Sunnyvale.

Now Barb says that Ricky and the jackass trio are threatening to take it all away.

Those idiots won't be buying anything except a one-way ticket back to con college and they'll be on full scholarship when they get there.

Ricky, check this out. It's some kind of a nest or a bed or something, man.

Jesus Christ.

Julian, I've been watching the Crocodile Hunter, man, and it shouldn't be that f*cking hard to catch this thing.

Boys, come here. Look what I found!

Here's where the big son of a whore's been f*cking running out of the field.

Holy f*ck! Look at all the weed.

Bubbles, hold the binoculars If this thing is down there, Julian, I want you to sh**t him, I'm gonna jump on top of the cock-sucker with the net and we're gonna have to b*at him with everything we got I could need some help from you dicks, alright.

You hear that there, Mr. Microphone Man?

If we get these thing down you f*cking jump in and help us!

Frig off, Ricky.

Don't tell me to frig off.

If he att*cks you, I'm not even gonna jump in Boys, I slipped in poop! Bigfoot poop!

Do I got Bigfoot poop on me?

For fucksakes.

Holy sh*t, boys, don't move.

So that's who's been eating our weed.

You little f*ck. Okay, you guys stay here.

I'll throw a net on him, and choke him out.

Ricky, put the net down.

You're not f*cking choking him out.

Why?!

It's just a big kitty, boys.

I can deal with this. I know kitties.

What if he has radies?

It's rabies, not radies.

And he doesn't have rabies He's been eating weed for a f*cking month.

He's baked out of his goddamned mind.

I can tell just the way he's standing there.

He only did that to Trevor because he had that leopard-print jacket on See? H's just a big, stoned, horny kitty with the munchies.

Trevor was eating chips,too. Who's a good boy?

Bubbles, we gotta get rid of this f*cking cat.

Ricky, he's beautiful! We're not getting rid of him We're taking him back to the trailer park and putting him through rehab. Come on, boy.

f*ck. Julian, this is f*cked!

Who's a good boy? You look kind of French, with your little moustache I'm gonna call you Steve French.

That's a good name for you. Who's a good boy?

Steve French. Boys, we gotta get some food into Steve French, I'd say, or he's gonna start getting wild again.

What do you got to eat in there, Julian?

I've got some fajitas.

Fajitas will work perfect.

All we gotta do is grind up a little bit of dope and put it in with them to start weaning him off the stuff.

Get some dope out, Ricky. Come on, I know you got some I only got personal left.

I'm not giving him any f*cking dope.

I know you got a bunch in that Caddie. Go grab some Come on, he needs dope. He's just a helpless little kitty Bubbles, listen to me. This isn't a helpless little kitty, this is a dangerous f*cking kitty.

You know he's gotta go, right?

Remember the saying "If you love something, set it free"?

I know. "If it comes back, it's yours.

If it doesn't, it never was. I've heard it a thousand times, but he needs our help right now and the best thing to do is to get some weed in the fajitas Now let's do it.

This is all I got left.

I'll give him some, but I'm eating half those fajitas.

You hear that, Steve, or whatever the f*ck your name is Steve French. Julian, don't let him eat all the fajitas.

They're for Steve French.

Hands off the fajitas.

I'm eating half of them!, You hang on, okay, Steve French? Climb up there hang out and give me two seconds and I'll have a big plate of weed-jitas for ya.

Mr. Lahey!

There's... there's a tiger outside.

It's eating... it ate my cheeseburgers! Mr. Lahey!

Some kind of tiger.

It att*cked me. It ate seven cheeseburgers You set up this elaborate charade to cover eating seven cheeseburgers? You ate seven cheeseburgers?

Randy, you promised me this would never happen again.

I'm not lying about this. It was a great big tiger thing Look, it puts it's teeth right through the mustard and ate all the burgers! I'm not lying, Mr. Lahey.

Tiger, huh? Steve French!

Maybe those jerks have something to do with this Lahey, did you see anything weird going on around here Yeah, Randy just got att*cked by a tiger.

That's right. It ate seven burgers, Julian I'm calling the authorities.

Lahey, think about that. You're gonna call George Green and tell him Randy got att*cked by a tiger that ate his cheeseburgers Come on, it was probably Randy.

It wasn't.

Randy, get a net. I'm gonna get my bow.

I'm gonna the bottom of this and you better not be behind it.

Lahey, you're gonna look like an idiot again. f*ck!

Viagra?

Julian, we found him.

Well, lock him in your shed.

He was down, f*cking around with Donnie's garbage and then he pooped on the hood of Mrs. Peterson's car.

Alright, you go lay down right there, Steve French, okay?

And I'll be right with you You just have a nice nap.

Close it up, Ricky.

Close it up, Julian.

Boys, we gotta get some weed into him, I'm telling you.

Before we... let him go.

What the f*ck are you guys doing?!

This is private f*cking property!

We know there's a f*cking animal in here, Ricky.

Tracks lead right to sh*t-town. What the f*ck's going on?

What the hell are you talking about, Lahey, you idiot?

Look, this is none of your f*cking business.

We know what's going on here. You're trying to fill my feet.

Guess what, Lahey, you will never, ever be the f*cking trailer-park supervisor I was. Got that You're f*cking losing it, bud.

You know what, Ricky?

You already lost it. It's gone, bud.

Whatever it is, whatever you are - gone.

He who looks into the abyss realizes that there's nothing looking back at him.

They only thing he sees is his own character, Ricky.

You understand, bud?

The abyss? The sh*t abyss?

Means deep stuff, Ricky. You wouldn't understand.

What does it mean, then, Randy? Huh?

What the f*ck does it mean?

I understand it.

Oh, you do, do you? No, you don't. Because it's f*cked Because everything you assh*le say you f*cking take from books.

Guess what, I don't steal anything from books.

You guys get the f*ck out of here. Get the f*ck out of here I'm serious. f*cking take your net with you Frig off, Ricky!

Oh, we caught a little animal!

Oh, there's a big f*cking animal in the trailer park!

f*cking dicks. Get the f*ck out of here!

sh*t abyss. I'm not scared of the sh*t abyss. Lahey's f*cked s Yeah, well if Lahey sees Steve French and call the Department of Lands and Forests, we're f*cked, boys.

What the f*ck would they do?

Did you see that tattoo under Steve French's ear?

No.

Well, there's one there and they use it for tracking. They'll be able to track him right back to our dope field. Cops, jail. f*ck jail.

I'm not going back to jail, Ricky. Not gonna happen.

Julian, don't be dissing jail. We've had some good f*cking parties in there. We have good friends in there.

They fed you, you use their gym. Come on, don't be dissing jail It's not f*cking cool.

Boys, boys, boys.

Right now, we gotta find somewhere to put Steve French for a little while. That's the task at hand Over where J-Roc used to hide his skin mags Come on, Steve French.

I don't know, boys. He might get scared under there.

He'll be fine, Bubbles. It's just for an hour or so, until we can figure something out.

You hide under there, and we'll be back for you.

Alright, boys, I'll go-

J- Roc?

Who let that thing out of the zoo?

J-Roc?

What are you mo-f*ckers doing here, know what I'm saying Boys, calm down. That's my kitty in there.

You need to control that mo-fucker, man.

He won't hurt you. He's just-

Yeah, okay. A lion, yeah What the f*ck are you doing here? Thought you were in jail Mo-fucker, as far as you're concerned I am in jail, know what I'm saying? My moms don't even know, yo.

He only got sentenced to community service, man, and community service does not sell records, man Alright, alright. So let me get this straight.

You're hiding underneath the trailer, pretending you're in jail?

I ain't pretending! Alright, I am pretending I'm in jail.

I had no idea. I thought-

Don't tell nobody, though!

Can we talk about getting some weed into Steve French and calming him down?

Bubbles, where the f*ck did you find a lion at, man?

I ain't going back there.

f*ck that, man!

Ah, f*ck! He's gone!

Trevor, what the hell are you doing in our trailer What are you doing?!

Trevor! Stop, drop and roll, Trevor!

That's for fire, Randy. Trevor, ball up, boy!

Trevor, ball up, make yourself as small as possible!

Trevor, what the f*ck is going on here?

I don't want to talk about it. Leave me alone.

Jesus, why does he have no pants on?

Your tiger was chasing Trevor, who hid inside the trailer Then he went that way.

Which way?

Omigod. Did he do things to Trevor Yeah, he did, Bubbles. That's the last straw.

I'm gonna call in the heavies.

Mr. Lahey, please.

Can you please, please, don't do that?

This is a dangerous situation, Bubbles. I have no choice but as Trailer Park Supervisor to make the call.

f*ck you, Lahey and your little Trailer Park Supervisor bullshit!

You don't even know what a f*cking supervisor is Randy, where is he?

He went that way, Ricky.

Jim, Jim. You sure you want to do that?

Cause it'd be a real shame If everybody in this trailer park knew about those Viagra burgers. I'll tell Ricky.

Alright, Julian, you have two hours to get the situation under control.

Thanks, Jim.

Here kitty, kitty. Steve French!

Steve French!

Julian, this is f*cked, man. We gotta deal with this. First, it fucks over 50 grams worth of dope, now it's f*cking over the park Ricky, we're getting that cat out of here today.

Steve French! Here you are Bubbles: one, Steve French: zero.

Mm, turkey and garbage juice.

Steve French, Steve French, you just relax, okay?

Who's a good boy?

You go lay down.

Ah, f*ck!

Listen, you can hear him. He's in there, that's who did it.

Yeah, I hear him.n Ricky, you want to tell me why there's a mountain lio trying to bang one of my boyfriends?

There isn't.

Look, I can explain it all I know he looks like a big, ferocious crazy thing But he's not. He's just a little kitty at heart and he's mixed up 'cause he's hooked on the weed, Trevor, if you took this off, that has the leopard on it he probably wouldn't try to do things to you., He wasn't trying to k*ll you, he just found you attractive probably, 'cause you do kind of have a long slender body.

f*cked up again, Trevor. Nice going.

Let's go, f*ck!

Ricky, get this cat out of here or I'm pressing charges There are kids that live here, for godssake.

You know, children, family I know what f*cking kids are ! I'm a hell of a lot better dad than you'll ever f*cking be.

You have no idea how stupid you are, do you?

Actually, yes, I do.

All he needs is, like, 125 tins of really high-quality cat food and that will distract him from the weed. I promise.

He's not a bad kitty.

Not that much weed, Ricky, that's good.

We're trying to wean him off the stuff, not get him hooked on it.

You can't get addicted to weed.

You did a good thing here.

I know. Look at him go.

He doesn't need hardly any weed and he's all calm.

I could keep you forever.

Bubbles, he's not a shed kitty.

He belongs in the wild. You know that.

Yeah, Bubbles, I mean, look, we'll just take him and we'll let him go free.

Just like a little test. And if he comes back, it forever was, just like the saying.

It's the best thing for him.

I know. Well, we're gonn a have to take him to the other side of the mountain to let him go and we'll just have to modify one of my food dispensers to put a little less weed in his food every day.

That should work fine, I guess There's no fool like an old fool.

The sh*t abyss.

Hey, boys.

Hey, Jules.

We're taking the mountain lion out of the park now.

Thanks for not being a d*ck on this one, Jim.

No problem.

Appreciate it.

Oooh.

He's wasted, Julian.

I didn't tell anybody about that Viagra thing, okay?

Does that stuff work?

Oh, yeah.

The sh*t abyss.

Mr. Lahey, not another night of the sh*t abyss.

Please!

Oh, f*ck it..

Come on, Steve French, in you go.

We're going for a little drive There you go.

What's that f*cking smell?

Keep driving, Rick.

Steve, I know you didn't sh*t on my seat No, everything's cool, Rick.

Ricky?

What?

Steve French pooped on the seat.

Come on, Steve French.

Come on now, look. Come here Now I rigged this dope contraption up for you.

And the way I got it geared, a little less dope will come out each time. Aw, you don't give a f*ck!

Look, you just press your paw onto there. Like that, see And then the dope will drop out here, okay?

It's time, buddy.

Rick.

Okay, come here, little buddy. I'm gonna unhook you.

You're free.

Ah, f*ck.

sh*t!

Boys. If you love something, you set it free and if it comes back to you, it's yours.

But you can't keep him, buddy.

If it comes back, it's yours You gotta get out now. I gotta take you to the wild Come on, Steve French. Come on now, look.

This is for the best, apparently, so you're gonna have to go now. So go on, git.

Go on. Get going and stop looking at me with those big f*cking cute saucer eyes of yours. Just go on.

Look over there, Steve.

Look at her.

Go on, Steve French, go get her.

Show her how you jump and show her that big package of yours.

Good kitty.

You did the right thing, buddy.

I know. Thanks, boys.

Are you guys crying?

No, we're not f*cking crying