01x02 - Protected Species

[bunniefuu]

Because it's a nation-building project...

New infrastructure of the 21st century...

If there is a buzzword in this budget, it's 'nation-building'.

Major infrastructure projects right around the country...

Real projects, real money...

A transformational vision for the infrastructure of the 21st century...

I want to be known as the infrastructure Prime Minister...

This is a nation-building budget...

Nation-building for recovery...

Comes from the nation-building program... Nation-building...

Nation-building...

Nation-building...

So have you hit 'restart'?

Yes. Yes, and now it's asking me for something called a 'keychain access password'.

Oh, it shouldn't be doing that.

But it is, and I need to send an email.

Oh, OK. Try 'ABCD1234'.

Yep.

Nup.

Oh, OK.

Try 'A1B2C3D4E5G6...

..F7...'

You know what?

I just wrote an email to Stuart.

Can you take the whole computer down to him and get him to read it there?

Should he reply on his computer and I'll bring it back to you? What?

Oh, guess he could reply on your computer. Both.

OK.

OK.

And can we put a hold on any IT upgrades for a while?

OK.

Thank you.

Who am I signing?

It's for Andrea.

It's for her going away.

Andrea?

From downstairs.

She left a month ago.

She's coming back to get her card.

Oh, and this just arrived.

Is that gonna ruin my day?

I don't know.

What is it?

It's the species audit.

What's that?

It's an audit on species...

..on the site for the container terminal thingy.

What species? Who ordered that?

I think it was Steven?

Who's Steven?

He's taken over from Andrea.

Why are we auditing species?

Do you want me to get him...?

No. No.

Katie.

You want me to take a look at it?

Yes, please.

I'm pretty busy.

Yeah, just a paragraph.

OK, but don't blame me if I leave out anything important.

OK.

Remember what happened last time.

It was pretty important.

Nobody d*ed!

Morning.

Morning.

Oh, Nat, have you got five minutes for Rhonda?

No.

I don't think I can stop her.

Is she in the building?

On her way.

She wants a heads-up.

What?

Like a round table for a brain shower.

Has she been to a conference?

Yes, I think she has.

So that would mean a doubling of capacities of projected outcomes, so a pretty big result for a communications strategy.

And what is the port...?

Container terminal?

Container terminal, yes...

It unloads and loads containers at a terminal.

OK, I need you to send me all this.

I sent all that through to...

Again, please.

Yep.

Right, on to more important matters.

I think a $2 billion terminal's pretty important...

We need to look at our online strategy.

For this?

For everything.

Where are we heading in the digital space?

I might just leave this with Nat, actually.

I think we all need to be in the loop, Tony.

Yeah, keep me in the loop, absolutely. Keep me in the loop.

I've just got a couple of things to jump on and then I'll reloop... in.

Website.

What about it?

Complete overhaul.

What's wrong with it?

It's... I'll show you, it's the...

Why is it not...?

'A1B2C3...'

It's... It's dull, lifeless, looks like a government website.

It is a government website.

When people clock on to a website, they want to be taken on a journey.

Sometimes they just want a phone number.

But it could be so much more than that.

I was at a conference last week - stakeholder engagement in the digital age.

Wow.

When you look at what other organisations are achieving in terms of traffic, unique hits, bounce rates.

Bounce rates.

You don't even know what that means.

Neither did I. Good point.

Just goes to show, doesn't it, how far behind the curve we all are?

Sorry. Uh, Nat, I've got a Tracy?

Who?

Or Stacey.

I don't know a Stacey.

Something about channel deepening...

Stephanie?

Yes.

I need to take this.

No. We haven't finished.

I've got a dredging barge that's about to set sail from Holland. I...

I'll get Stacey to call back.

Stephanie. Five minutes.

Half an hour.

She'll call her back. Thank you.

OK. Yep.

This is just flora. They haven't completed the fauna audit.

What are they?

Emails.

That ones from Stuart, and he's CC'ed Katie and Nat.

Why have I got all three computers?

In case you wanted to CC them back.

OK.

Yep.

Flora and fau...?

Which is the animals?

Fauna.

This if flora...

Why is it so thick?

They've discovered a grass.

Oh, you're kidding me.

Agrostis adamsonii.

Oh, it's got a Latin name.

It's perennial remnant ground cover.

What's 'perennial' mean?

Don't know.

What's 'remnant' mean?

Not sure, but I think that ground cover is when it covers the ground...

Kind of worked that one out, yeah.

It's listed as 'vulnerable'.

That can't be good. Where's Nat?

Still with Rhonda.

Where's Scott?

Rhonda.

Hugh?

Helping Amy deliver emails.

Can you get him back here, please?

OK.

Oh. And do you want me to look up 'perennial'?

Yes, please.

OK.

Hugh?

You look confused.

I still don't see what's wrong with our current site.

Really? Where's the interactivity, the multimedia content, the real-time updates?

What are we updating?

Over to you.

I suggest our projects, everything we're doing.

But a lot of our projects are still in the pipeline.

Love it.

Love what?

The pipeline. That is what we are calling the new website.

Uh, Rhonda, I wouldn't text it yet.

And done.

Now we need to be driving traffic, getting hits, unique page views, clickbait...

Bounce rates?

That's the one.

Shouldn't we wait till we've actually built something?

We're about to build a website.

Exactly.

So let's get the conversation started.

With who?

Stakeholders.

Let 'em know everything we're doing - what we're building, dredging, what you told me about before with the...

Container terminal.

The containers and the terminals, the barge from Holland and Stacey...

Stephanie.

..and everything.

Put it all in 'The Pipeline'.

Yes!

Now we're away.

OK, so the answer's yes, but if I want to CC everyone else with that email...

I'll type 'yes' onto each of them and then get Amy to distribute.

OK... We need that email...

Hey!

Hey!

How's it going?

Yeah, good.

Yeah.

Just wondering, how are we looking with the new port?

Container terminal.

That's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All good?

Yep. I sent you an update last week.

Ah, yeah, it had a lot of attachments...

I mean, what's a dropbox?

I... It's fine.

Yeah, all looking good, yeah.

Wow.

This is, uh... this is impressive.

Yeah.

When do we start digging?

Dredging.

Dredging.

Yeah, well, this is just a preliminary sketch, it's the schematic of how the railway line's gonna come in and go along...

Can I take this upstairs?

Not locked in yet, commercial-in-confidence, see...

Just to give them a sense of where we're heading, let people know that we're making some progress.

Sure, yeah, I'd just keep a lid on that.

Could be a minor issue.

Is it budget?

If it is, add another zero.

Seriously...

Environmental.

Ohh!

Probably nothing.

Ohh!

Someone just commissioned a species audit for the site.

Is this the Leadbeater's possum again? No.

Because we've got a wind farm at the moment and we're trying to get the little buggers to live inside the pylons and it's just a nightmare.

No, this is flora.

But whi... which are the animals?

Fauna.

Whew. We've dodged a b*llet there.

Yeah, but there's this grass here on the site...

Gra... What does it do?

Well, we don't know yet.

But you've got it under control?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd just keep a lid on any big statements till we...

Sure, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely. Let me know if you need any heads kicked.

Will do.

In fact, just while...

I might just...

Yeah, I...

There we go. Just the one.

It's just...

Just the one.

Yep.

They'll love this.

But just it's commercial-in-con...

Oh, wow. Nat.

Yep?

Nat, come check this out.

What? Can't you just send it to me?

No, you have to see it.

What is it?

A website.

How cool is that?

It's a Danish furniture company.

Yeah, but I love the way the images swell when...

Scott. We've got three major projects due to complete.

Yep. The container terminal, the website...

The website's not one of them.

Rhonda wanted us to come up with some content. Forget Rhonda.

Yep. Seriously, I didn't understand a word she said.

Maybe we should go to one of those conferences.

No, maybe we should get back to what we're supposed to be doing.

Which is not the website.

Not the website.

Hm...

Those Danish sure know how to make furniture.

That's it?

Yes.

That?

Yep.

Sure it's not a weed?

Like the original d*ed and that grew in its place?

No, that's it - Agrostis adamsonii.

Grass. Don't get fooled by Latin names. What's special about it?

Well, it's a perennial.

And?

And remnant.

And?

Vulnerable?

Where is it?

Just in the red here.

There's a section here and here.

That's all?

I think so.

We're seriously gonna let two patches of grass...

Remnant ground cover...

Grass! Sorry.

..hold up a multibillion dollar nation-building dream?

Yep.

Oh, well, let's move it.

I don't think you can.

It's not a redwood.

Maybe we can build around it or...

It's right in the middle of the construction site.

Seriously, I need some options and right now one of them's Jim's Mowing.

The report recommends we leave it, uh, in situ.

I warned you about Latin names.

I don't think we can move it.

Who wrote this report?

Um... Shall we get him in?

Yeah, yeah, let's get him in.

OK.

Do I need to water this?

Rhonda.

Karsten.

Good to see you.

Good to see you.

Take a seat and make yourselves at home.

Right for drinks?

These are all preliminary designs.

Is that right, Karsten?

Very much first impressions.

Very exciting.

When you think of the Nation Building Authority, what is the first word that springs to mind?

Um... building?

Second word.

Future.

Pipeline.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your new home page.

Love it.

But in terms of traffic flow going away from the terminal, do we need to allow for additional parking after they've, um...?

Just hang on a second, Phil. Yep?

Two things. Andrea won't be in on Wednesday - it's now Thursday.

Who's Andrea?

From downstairs, coming back to get her card.

OK.

And you've got your meeting.

About the grass.

Oh, the guy that wrote the report.

Sorry, Phil, I'm gonna have to go.

I'll call you back in five.

Yeah. Sorry about that.

Um... better grab Hugh.

And what's his name?

It's not a he.

What's her name?

It's not a she. It's a them.

Oh, flip me.

Hello, everyone.

G'day. Kevin.

Tony. Yeah, hi, all. Hi, all.

Look, I don't want to take up everyone's time.

Is it essential that you all be here?

Well, it is a panel report and it's important that everyone's on the same page.

OK, well, we're all here, so let's get started.

Um...

Sorry I'm late.

Oh... Uh... Yep, yeah, shuffle down.

Shuffle down, guys.

Yeah. Oh, hello. Pop in here.

I was just going to say, before we begin I just want...

Yep.

Yep.

Oh, another one.

Just shuffle down some more.

Why don't you just pop straight here?

Yep, sorry, I'll just...

Make some room. Suck it in.

OK. Alright. We all...? Yeah.

Before we begin I just thought we'd get a sense of who everyone is.

Well, we're connected with the Department of Environment.

Yeah, but who's here specifically as the grass expert?

Well, I oversee our ground cover frameworks.

Yep. And, um...?

Well, this is Graham and Ben and Lisa, and they handle species preservation protocols.

Yep.

Yep.

Handy too. And, um...?

Oh, that's Alan.

Alan, you're from...?

Alpine National Parks.

Alpine?

If it's not too rude...

Alan.

..Alan, why are you here?

There's a river on your boundary.

Yeah, I saw that.

Technically part of its watershed includes an alpine national park.

600 kilometres away, though.

Shared catchment basin.

Yeah.

Anything you do on site could impact on the alpine area.

Water still flows downhill, doesn't it, Kevin?

Well, I think we should bring Brian in on this.

OK. Yeah. Well, who's Brian?

Right here.

And apologies for not making it in this morning.

This is very much just a mock-up.

The full version will have 3-D graphics, GIFs...

Music. Tell them about the music.

We are thinking of sonically branding each page.

So, for example... About Us.

Values.

Go ahead.

Uh, sorry, Karsten, what's 'Get Involved'?

It's this.

No, not 'what does it sound like?'

What does it mean?

It means to get involved.

How? There's a whole range of ways we can engage with the stakeholders.

Such as?

Over to you.

Karsten and I can't do everything.

Why would we want people involved?

Because we are generating interactivity.

Listen, if we don't start a conversation and get people involved...

Do it again...

Listening.

If we don't get people involved, we may as well go back to the old website.

Exactly.

Yes, exactly.

Finally. Penny drops.

Karsten.

OK, projects.

Oh...

Rhonda...

Wait, wait.

Will that have sonic branding?

Oh, yes. Rhonda, some of those are yet to be signed off on?

Great. Let's get that out there.

'This project approved.'

'This project pending.'

'This project delivered on time, under budget.'

Let's start tweeting, hashtagging, crowd sourcing...

Get The Pipeline flowin'.

Thank you. And?

Vlogs.

We use self-generated, audiovisual content and let the users get a genuine sense of what it's like to work here at the NBA, to feel the heartbeat...

..of nation-building.

You want to film the office?

I do not. I want to video-blog it.

We're gonna show the sort of people who are building our nation's future.

Not sure about that one.

Love this one.

Bow-wocka...

If we're not careful here, there's a real danger some of these grasses could simply disappear.

Make our job easier.

Joking, of course.

I'd hate to see us lose anything remnant or...

Perennial.

..perennial.

Well, this is a very vulnerable species.

Yeah, I picked that up.

But what are our options, Kevin, in terms of moving forward?

I don't want to speak for everyone, especially those people who aren't here...

Who's not here?

Well, there's...

Shall I note the apologies?

No, no, no, no. Let's keep going.

We'll get the apologies later.

The point is, I think we'd all be uncomfortable doing anything that compromised its habitat.

Not in my backyard.

Your backyard's in another time zone, Alan.

I value your input, thank you, uh, but we're just struggling to make progress.

Yeah. We are in a bit of a bind, aren't we?

We seem to be.

Can you just excuse me for a minute?

I just remembered something that I had to do.

Get the apologies now?

Yep.

Katie? Katie? What are you doing?

Muffins.

What?

You've been in there for such a long time.

Yeah, I'm trying to starve them out.

In about two minutes, can you call me away? What for?

I don't care, just make it look urgent. Do I bring muffins? No.

In fact, turn off the heaters, we'll try and freeze them out.

Where's the thermostat?

Why'd you say we had to leave?

Because we've got more important things to worry about.

But Karsten still had more menu items...

Scott. What did I say to you?

Three big projects.

Thank you.

Is one of them the second airport?

Yes!

Your basic problem is it's a dryland grass.

You start building around it, you've got runoff, pooling issues...

Too much water can cause enormous damage.

Again, solutions, though, Kevin.

I mean, could we drain the water?

Where would it go?

Into the river?

Ooh, I wouldn't go putting water into a river.

Yeah, we might need to revisit what the role of a river is 'cause I thought it was for the transfer...

What's up?

Sorry to interrupt, everyone.

Tony, it's... it's urgent.

Oh, what is?

Oh...

You stopped panting.

Oh... um...

What?

It's the, um...

Yeah, that.

You know?

Yeah. Yeah. OK, alright. Right.

Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, we might have to leave it there.

Absolutely, mate, you run along.

Yeah. So thank you very much for your input, very valuable.

We'll keep you posted on...

What are we doing?

Date for the next meeting.

Oh, good thinking.

No, it's not.

Why would we have a next meeting?

Well, presumably, we're going to form a working party...

We're going to what? That is if it's alright with everyone?

Is it OK? Yep? Yep?

Then it's decided.

Don't let us hold you up.

We'll be in touch with the date.

Or dates.

Dates. Yes.

OK. Alright.

Why were you puffing?

I was trying to make it look urgent.

How did we end up with a working party?

I don't know.

What's happening?

Trying to k*ll a grass. You?

Oh, I'm trying to k*ll a website.

What?

Don't ask.

You know what? After they leave, email them all and explain we don't need any more meet...

Ah. Ah.

There you are. Yeah.

How'd that urgent matter go?

What?

Oh, fine. Yeah. Phew.

Oh. Yeah?

Ooh, muffins. Who are they for?

You.

Excellent.

We'll be back.

Can I take these?

Yeah, pop 'em in.

Sure. Muffins!

No water.

Yellow or white?

You choose.

What...

White. Yeah, white.

Why do I need a hard hat, anyway?

It's mandatory for site visits.

We're visiting grass. I mean, the biggest danger's gonna be hayfever.

Shall I get some antihistamines?

No, Hugh.

Why have I got a whistle?

Fog.

We're not going ocean racing, we're going...

Oh, and Marni's agreed to meet us there.

Who's Marni?

Our horticultural advisor.

She's an expert on Agrostis...

Yeah, grass.

Tony, are you right for your meeting?

What?

The working party.

When?

Now.

When was that decided? Amy sent you an email, the black laptop.

Are they here now?

Mm-hm. In the foyer.

Amy's looking for more chairs 'cause even Brian's been able to make it.

Could you tell them that we've been called away urgently and they can meet without us?

And don't pant.

Can we use your chair?

Sure. OK.

How are we gonna get out of here without them seeing us?

Um... we could use the stairs.

I'm not gonna sneak out of my own office.

Actually...

Shh.

This is pathetic.

Shall we go back upstairs?

No. I couldn't stand sitting through another meeting with those people.

Let's just get to the site. Come on.

Kidding me.

You got a phone?

Uh, yep.

Can you call Katie and tell her to come outside?

No reception.

Uh... no bars.

What are we supposed to do now?

Is that a kettle?

This is not here, no?

No. No.

OK.

Is this the one?

No, no, that's an exotic and so is that one.

So who are the good guys?

Well, we try not to be prejudiced against any of the species.

Yeah, but now I'm afraid to move.

Which is the one we're worried about?

Oh, I think your colleague's standing on it.

This? This is it?

Agrostis adamsonii.

And what exactly is so important about it?

What do you mean?

Well, can you eat it or make baskets out of it?

If you feed it to cows, do you get Wagyu beef?

I don't know what the big deal about it is.

Nat! Rhonda wants to know if you're free for a content update meeting this afternoon.

What?

For The Pipeline?

No, not really.

It's at two.

Oh, and, Scotty, these are for you.

Oh, what are they?

A list of frequently asked questions for the website.

Beauty. She wants you to come up with some answers.

I've got a question - why are we still wasting time on this?

I think she just wants answers, not questions.

Yeah, she's already supplied the questions.

'What is our purpose?'

Come back to that.

'What are our priorities?'

Pass.

'Who is the NBA answerable to?'

Oh... I did know that.

Next.

'What is the process by which decisions are made?'

I'd delete that one.

OK.

'If a complaint or concern is made, what is the appro...?'

And that one.

And that one.

And what exactly is so special about it?

Well, there's not a lot of it left.

Yeah, but, I mean, no-one's gonna miss it.

Worst-case scenario - say someone spilt a bit of Roundup on it, I mean, what would be the problem?

Apart from criminal damage?

But say no-one saw me...

I mean them, the poison people.

It's a loss of biodiversity.

And?

Well, it's a very vulnerable species.

Well, it's lasted three million years.

It's not like we have to put it in a humidicrib.

You know what? I tell you what's the most vulnerable thing right now, it's a $1.7 billion infrastructure project because that's standing in the way.

Yes, I certainly see your problem.

And do you certainly see my solution?

Yes.

Does it involve a container terminal?

No.

See, that's not a solution. I really appreciate the effort and the...

There's more Agrostis here.

Oh, great.

Just remember why we came, Hugh.

I mean... wonderful.

Can I have my whistle back now?

No.

Hell's going on?

We are filming for the website.

Now are you right to do your vlog at three o'clock?

What are you talking about?

Rhonda.

She wants all senior staff members to record a message for the site.

We're going visually interactive.

I am so sorry.

Get rid of them.

I can't - they're booked for an eight-hour call.

I don't care.

Want me to sh**t Rhonda first?

Yes. sh**t Rhonda.

Make it a head sh*t.

Good idea.

OK. Katie.

Hello.

Who are you?

This is Isabelle. She's playing me.

Why?

By six o'clock tonight it'll all be gone!

Alright, Katie, I need you in the office.

Real Katie!

I realise it's an extra cost but you're gonna have to hold the ship for a couple of days.

There's no point in putting to sea if we have to pull back on it...

Yep. No, I will... Yeah, well, we'll definitely give you an update.

Alright, I'll let you know as soon as possible. Yep.

Should've been filming that.

So real.

OK, so, well, I'm just going to move this...

Careful with that, it's vulnerable.

It looks dead.

No, just be careful.

OK.

So... what I'm imagining is you are looking out the window, you are imagining possibilities.

Yep.

You turn back to camera, a slight smile, and you read.

OK. For rehearsal, people, and... action.

'Hi, I'm Tony Woodford, and welcome to the official website of the Nation Building Australia...'

It's Authority.

OK, we'll fix that.

And just picking it up.

'Here are the NBA...'

It's 'Here AT the NBA...'

OK, we'll fix that.

'Here at the NBA we're looking at tomorrow by overseeing a range of exciting visionary projects that will help cement this country's future.

You could call it...'

Pause!

For music, CGI swirl...

Thank you, Scotty. And back to you.

'You could call it building for a better Australia.'

Here's those plans you wanted, Tim.

It's Tony, Katie.

I'm Isabelle.

Yeah, but you're playing Katie.

Oh, sorry, I thought you were talking to Isabelle.

No, I was talking to Katie.

Tony? Yeah, real Katie. Yep?

I think the plant's smoking.

Ooh.

Oh, Jesus. Katie... real Katie, can you grab the fire extinguisher?

Yep.

Whoa!

Is it out?

It's not dead, is it?

It's hard to tell. It's a bit black.

They're an arid species.

The Aborigines would've burnt them over the years...

Uh, guys?

Just had a call from Marni.

Who's Marni?

The horticulturalist we met on site.

I do not want to speak to her. She thinks she might have a solution.

Put her through.

Oh... Keep it cool or something.

No, I've got that, Marni, but what you're saying is it's like a buffer zone?

What was that? Riparian nature easement... surrounding the grass.

And that'll protect it?

OK. But at least I can start dredging?

Yeah. OK.

Well, I'm gonna hang up now.

Hanging up...

Hung up.

Katie.

Yes, Tim?

No, real Katie.

Get the working party back in.

That was great.

Some good stuff in there.

Can we go from the top?

That was real.

Oh.

So what do you think, Kevin?

I think a properly constituted buffer zone could work.

So we've got a solution.

I think so.

All agreed?

Yes.

Well, looks like it's unanimous.

Just one concern from me...

Noted, Brian.

Well, thank you very much for your input and...

Thank you, Tony.

Oh.

Muffins?

Yes.

Looks good.

Slide 'em down here.

It's actually not that bad.

Can we watch it with the sound down?

Really?

Just a little.

No, what about the -?

Morning, all.

Hey, Jim.

Hey, I like your vlog.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah. Who's your new assistant?

She's from an agency.

So we're all good with the port?

Yeah, yeah.

The Wilhelmina III left Rotterdam three hours ago.

Oh, that's great news.

Yeah, 'cause we had a setback with the wind farm.

Yeah, Leadbeater possums, very picky about where they'll live.

Oh, that's not too good.

Yeah, little fellas wouldn't take to the pylons and they've gotta live below a certain...

Anyway, we're good. Yeah.

Yeah, that's great. Well done.

Can I grab exhibit A?

Yes, yes. Katie, can you go and get the plans for Jim?

Mm-hm.

Yep.

This is exciting. Good job.

Thank you.

Yeah, we're finally building something.

Ooh, what's this?

This is The Pipeline.

Wow. 'Nation Building Authority...'

That's... Can we turn it up?

That is sonic branding.

Wow.

What's that?

Species audit.

I thought we put that to bed.

Part II, this is fauna, animals.

Why is there a USB stick in it?

That's the one.

Endangered?

Yep.

Protected?

Mm-hm.

Does it eat grass?

'We at the NBA...'

OK, it just sounds like you're reading.

Well, I am reading.

OK, but just ignore these words.

Don't ignore them, but just relax.

OK.

OK? Head forward, chin up.

'We at the NBA...'

OK, your chin's dropping.

OK.

'We at the NBA...'

Just in your own words.

We here at the NBA...

Just relax.

OK.

We here at the NBA...

Chin's dropping again.

We at the...