03x20 - Who I Want to Be

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Awkward...

This book had a huge impact on my journey as a writer.

Maybe it can do the same for you.

Matty, this is my friend Bailey.

Thank you for coming.

Prom.

Prom.

I just wanted to make sure that you were cool with me asking Bailey.

So you want to take Bailey to prom.

Is that okay?

It's awesome.

Fantastic. She's fantastic.

You're fantastic. It's-- it's fantastic.

She's gonna be stoked.

You think so?

Why wouldn't she? You're Matty McKibben.

And I was Jenna Hamilton, the idiot who finally knew she had permanently messed up the best relationship she'd ever have.

[Door closes]

[Laughs] What did he say?

How did he ask?

He's taking someone else.

Oh.

Sweetie.

Can I just be alone?

Of course.

[Sighs]

I was a fool to think all the bad I had put into the universe could so easily be forgotten.

Matty's rebound with Devon had paved the way for the real deal.

And the real deal was not going to be me.

It was going to be Bailey.

[Soft music]

♪

I naively thought I was finally back on solid ground, but the sad truth revealed that my foundation was too weak to handle a simple rejection.

I was falling apart, unraveling, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I had to make a virtual escape.

At the height of my despair over a boy, I had strangely found solace in the arms of a man--

Russell Jonathan.

His tale of self-destruction followed by eventual self-redemption was like food for my soul.

It was as if he was speaking directly to me about me, and all I wanted to do was crawl back into the comfort of his words.

So I did, because the book had become my new obsession... and distraction.

I was reading it over, and over, and over again, using it as my excuse to excuse myself from life.

It had become my security blanket, and I didn't want to leave the safety of its pages.

Earth to Jenna.

You there?

Hey, I was reading that.

Uh, we know.

But when are you gonna be done?

I don't know. Let's find out.

How about engaging in life for a minute?

Converse with your parents, call your friends, or hell, at least read another book by the same guy.

Oh, my God. Genius.

That thought hadn't even crossed my mind.

No good deed goes unpunished.

The idea that my new love affair with Russell Jonathan could continue to grow and evolve was beyond comprehension.

Not only was I on a quest to find out more about his work, I suddenly needed to know everything about the man, the man who was changing my life word by word, the man who just totally and completely spoke to my heart, the man who was maybe my soul mate and who was--

Mr. Hart?

I had been rocked.

The world as I knew it was suddenly very unsettled and confused.

Matty was taking Bailey to prom, and I was possibly having feelings for my newfound literary hero, Russell Jonathan, AKA Mr. Hart.

Could it be that Hart's disgusting and disgruntled demeanor was just a facade hiding a uniquely beautiful man?

Or was he just the most brilliant writer I had ever read?

Either way, I felt bamboozled.

All right.

You lucky remaining half-wits, we're gonna learn something today called a "Callback."

It's your last assignment of the year.

Does anybody know what that is?

Anyone?

Okay, let me give you a clue.

What did I ask you on the first day of class?

Peep show.

You asked us to give you permission to t*rture us.

Yes. Yes, I did.

And have you been tortured?

I've been standing in the hall every day for the last two months.

You see? I was true to my word.

And my only hope is that one day, you'll all remember to be true to yours.

But that wasn't the question.

Anyone else?

You asked if we were morons.

I did, and you are, but that's not it.

What about the time you asked if we were inbred?

No, that was just for you.

Seriously, guys. It's not that hard.

Mr. Jennings, no insightful retort?

No.

I have it.

You asked who we want to be.

And bingo was his name-o.

Very good, so now, it's time for all of you to reflect on the past year and write me an opus about who you want to be.

[Sighs]

Due tomorrow. [Bell rings]

Tomorrow.

Hey, uh, Hamilton. Not so fast.

What was that sigh about?

I-I didn't sigh.

Oh, you did.

Okay, fine.

I sighed because I don't know who I want to be, let alone who I am.

But I do know who you are, Russ.

I had stoked the fire and let Mr. Hart know what I knew.

But what I still didn't know was if I was infatuated with him.

I am struggling with some strange romantic feelings.

Mm. Unrequited love.

I don't know if I would call it "love."

The feelings are potentially irrational and reactionary towards feeling lonely, not to mention the age difference is totally sketch.

I'm pretty sure I know who you're talking about.

It's not that big of an age difference.

Are you kidding? It's massive.

Well, I guess if we're counting in cat years.

Did I mention that a union would be illegal?

And gross?

In what state?

Maybe Delaware.

What is wrong with me?

It's not like I actually believe that I'm in love with him or anything.

Inspired, sure.

But is it possible to love someone who enjoys humiliating you?

I'm not so sure he enjoys it, and remember it takes two to tango.

What? I-I've never humiliated him.

We could debate the details all day, but the truth is you seem really pained by this whole situation, and frankly, I get it, with everyone talking about it and all.

Eh-- everyone knows?

I haven't told a soul.

Well, your mom told me.

My mom knows?

Yeah, and then I told some kids who may or may not have blabber of the mouth.

But come on, did you really think he was gonna ask you to prom after everything that happened?

Why would Mr. Hart ask me to prom?

Mr. Hart?

Ugh. No.

I'm not talking about that old perv.

He's not even allowed at the prom.

It's too much cleavage.

Uh, then who are you talking about?

Matty. I heard he dissed you.

Everyone's talking about that?

Psh.

No.

Not everyone.

Mary at the front desk didn't know until I told her.

Do you want my advice?

Reinvent yourself before you're the butt of everyone's joke.

Seemed like Val had gone back to the cr*ck pipe.

There was no way I was the butt of everyone's joke.

No one cared what happened with me and Matty.

Finally, Jenna got a wake-up call.

She's not all that.

Matty definitely traded up.

Bailey Parker's the new and improved version of Jenna.

Yeah, what did Jenna expect after being so selfish and insensitive?

Karma's a bitch.

Karma had been a bitch, and so had I, which meant there was no room for a pity committee.

I deserved the bum rap and the pain that came along with it.

[Knocks at door] Jenna?

Yeah?

Why are you holing up in here?

Just feels more comfortable in the toilets since I feel like sh*t.

The rumor's not that bad.

I mean, no one really cares.

[Toilet flushes]

OMG, they do.

Everyone's been rooting for Jenna to FOHF.

FOHF?

Fall on her face.

Eh, good try, but no.

Don't listen to her. She is old and out of touch.

No, I'm out of touch.

It's my fault.

I had the wrong intel on the prom ask.

When Jake said Matty was about to ask someone, I just assumed it was you.

I'm the one who got your hopes up.

Not if I was already living in la-la land.

I've been in denial.

Please come out.

I promise no one will mention prom at our lunch table.

Prom, I don't know what I'm gonna do about it.

Sorry, forgot to give her the memo.

It's okay. So what's the deal?

Sex, it's as if it's in the fine print of every prom ticket, but I'm not ready.

Easy, use a sexcuse.

Sexcuse?

Sex excuse.

For example?

You're tired.

Sweaty.

Hairy.

Which means scary.

Or just go with the irrefutable.

Something commonly practiced from the beginning of time.

Which is?

Both: You have your period.

Oh, man. Sucks to be you.

So anyway, Jenna, are you coming with us?

Alone?

Sure.

We took Tamara for the formal last year.

Why can't we take you this year?

That's a great idea.

And really nice, but I don't wanna be in the way or make things uncomfortable with Matty and Bailey.

You won't. They're not even going.

I think he changed his mind.

And I had changed my attitude.

Hope was alive, and well, and still on the premises.

[Bell rings]

With Matty plus none for the dance, I had to find a way to become his plus one.

But I needed more intel on his state of mind, and to get it, I needed reinforcements.

That sounds complicated.

It's not complicated because the only guy for me is JC, and I only see him at church.

And there's no way he's going to prom, so you, Austin, and I should all go together.

What are we gonna do, be a three-way freak show where you hold my hips as I slow dance with Austin?

[Gasps] Oh, that sounds fun.

[Giggles]

No, it doesn't.

You're giving me anxiety which I don't need because I've gained three pounds, and I promised Austin I wouldn't scarf and barf anymore.

He knows?

Yes, he knows everything.

His lack of a social filter also comes with a lack of judgment.

He just likes me for me.

And now, I've moved into a sphere beyond like for him.

Liss, I think I'm in love.

No.

Yes.

No, really, now you're freaking me out.

Why?

Because you're you.

And you are not a lover.

Yes, I am.

No, you're not.

Stop saying that.

You stop saying it.

I love Austin.

And I am freaking out. I even have butterflies.

And I hate butterflies.

And if you tell anyone I'm having this soft side moment, I swear I will cut you.

[Sighs] You're back.

Thank goodness. I was starting to worry.

Ah. What's with the sneak att*ck?

Oh, no one's sneaking.

Or attacking.

But we have some questions.

Okay.

We suspect you've withheld some pertinent information about Matty and Bailey.

Babe, I just found out earlier in the day, so now you know all that I know.

So you don't need to wig out.

We're not wigging, but rather wondering if Matty's reason for changing his mind had anything to do with another girl. i.e. Jenna.

I don't know.

You know.

No, I don't.

Then, I do. Jenna, it's clear.

Matty never wanted to ask Bailey.

He was just trying to suss out how you felt and see if you still cared.

He was completely angling to get a rise out of you.

He was waiting for you to contest so he could spring the ask on you.

But you didn't contest, so he didn't ask.

Following?

Yeah.

No.

It's girl world, babe. Just tune out until I'm done.

So the whole thing was a ruse.

He's waiting for you to say something.

And now's your sh*t.

Say something and get that ask.

You think that's a good idea?

No.

Yes.

In boy world, we don't think that hard.

Yeah, you do.

[Scoffs]

Matty is the quiet, contemplative type, and I feel extremely confident he's waiting for an opening to ask you and just you, so go.

Get that ask.

What?

Why do you always have to steamroll me?

I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.

You always have to be in control of everything.

No, I don't.

Yeah, you do.

Try me.

Fine.

I'm gonna wear a colored tux to prom.

[Sighs] Great.

What color?

It's a surprise.

Can't wait to see it.

Ah.

Mm-hmm.

If Tamara's reasoning was correct, Matty was waiting for an opening from me, which meant I had to do my best to give him one and be as subtle as possible about it.

Matty. Hey.

I need a date to prom. Any ideas?

So subtlety wasn't my strong suit.

I will have to think it over.

He was playing hard to get.

Okay, well, how about thinking about someone you'd wanna share a limo with so we can ride together?

I'm not going.

Oh, no.

Why? Don't you want to go?

I did, but not anymore.

How come?

Bailey said "No."

And honestly, there's no one else I wanna ask.

But I will put my thinking cap on for you, and we'll find you a date.

So there would be no date, no dance, just devastation.

I had to write my last paper, but all I wanted to do was hole up and hide.

I couldn't write about who I wanted to be when I felt so far away from who I was, who I used to be.

That girl who used to be selfless had become selfish, and in turn was all alone without a prom date, a perfect boyfriend, or a great new friend, a friend that I had overtly avoided and ignored for the last few days, assuming she was Matty's new girl.

I suddenly had two assignments-- to say something on the page and to Bailey in person.

But I didn't know how or where to begin, and I was getting sick of whining about it.

So I was left with only one last resort-- procrastination.

Stop making excuses.

About what?

About what you wanna do after the prom.

I sense you're nervous, and I think I know why.

I'm not nervous.

You can't lie to me.

Listen, I know what you're thinking, and I just want you to be comfortable.

Really?

Yeah.

And the night comes with a lot of pressure, and you don't have to do anything that compromises who you are.

Really? Because I was getting worried.

Don't be.

[Giggles]

I'm totally cool with you wearing a pantsuit.

Oh, go--od.

Yeah, you totally don't need to sweat it.

I'm man enough to feel like a man next to my woman in pants.

Okay.

We're gonna have a great time, especially once we get back to our hotel room.

Bailey.

Hey. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Why are you sorry?

I thought you would never talk to me again.

After I heard all those rumors about you, and Matty, and me, I was devastated.

I just want you to know that after Matty asked me to the prom, I called you to make sure you heard it from me first.

I already knew.

You knew?

Matty told me, and I just assumed you said "Yes," which is why I avoided your calls.

I was a lame friend for not giving you the benefit of the doubt.

No, I was the lame friend who apparently gave the wrong signal to your ex-boyfriend.

But I said "No" right away.

There was never even a moment where I offered to go.

So you don't like Matty?

I do.

He's a great guy, but...

[Sniffles]

Jenna, you are my only friend.

And I would never, ever do anything to hurt you.

So you turned him down to not hurt me?

Of course.

I had been in my own personal hell for so long that I had stopped believing in random acts of kindness.

And there, right in front of me, was the greatest act of kindness I had seen in a long time.

And thus, I was inspired to return the favor.

Do me a solid.

Sure.

Dry your eyes and stay here.

Eh-- mm, hm.

Three people didn't have to forgo the prom if one person could just get out of the way.

So here's the deal.

Bailey said "No" to avoid hurting me.

What she doesn't know is that you asked my permission, and I was cool with it because I am cool.

I really want you guys to go together.

Bailey, will you go with Matty?

This is weird.

Agreed.

Again, my fault. I'm making it weird.

But it doesn't have to be if you guys just go together.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I can easily make this weird all day, or you can end the pain and just go to prom together.

I'm in if you're in.

I'm cool with it. I swear.

She's in.

I'm in.

Thank you for asking.

Both of you.

Now, go. You guys have plans to make.

[Slow clapping]

Bravo.

That was one stellar performance.

And I've gotta hand it to you, you pulled it off with complete sincerity.

I was sincere.

Don't even try to bullshit a bullshitter.

Go ahead. Slaughter me.

I don't need to. You just slaughtered yourself.

And it was excruciating...

...ly awesome to watch, which is why I bet hart's last assignment was easy for you to write.

It appears who you wanna be is already who you are-- pathetic.

You're welcome.

Ha.

That paper wasn't easy to write.

Because there was no paper.

[Bell rings]

Okay, time's up. Turn in those disastrous diatribes, please.

Thanks for the assignment. [Sighs]

I feel like I got out some demons.

Somehow, I find that hard to believe.

So she speaks.

I do.

Have you finally gotten past your hatred of me?

I don't hate you, Collin.

And believe me, I've tried.

But the truth is I can't hate someone I don't care about.

Well, that was rather dramatic.

Sorry. It was a waste of your time.

It was garbage, phoned in, and written last-minute.

I have eyes, I saw you scribble that thing like it was the Grand Prix of writing over the last hour.

Just give me a zero.

No.

I can't write the assignment.

That's not acceptable.

Well, you're just gonna have to accept it.

Ms. Hamilton, sometimes, you don't get to call the sh*ts.

I am not a brilliant writer like you.

I can't just write poetry in a vacuum.

I never said I wanted poetry in a vacuum.

I merely asked you to answer a simple question that I know you can.

I can't because I don't know who I want to be.

I ruined my life, alienated the people in it, and now I am...

Lost?

Let me tell you a story.

So there was this guy.

He was maybe a few years older than you.

He thought he was a tough guy.

Thought he knew it all.

So he sat down and wrote a story, a k*ller story, and the whole literary world agreed-- this guy knew it all.

They even called him the New Salinger.

So he bought the BS.

And then, he started to piss off everybody that he cared about.

He was the writer of his own ruin because he thought he could do no wrong until he wrote his second novel.

And then, he was torn apart, lambasted as a one-hit wonder.

[Laughs]

Some critics even questioned if the same guy wrote both books.

So you know what he did?

What?

He quit.

He gave up because despite knowing it all, he wasn't a tough guy.

He even changed his name after he let the critics destroy him.

And the day he decided to take his head out of his ass, he did the best thing he could.

Became a teacher.

Yes.

Because he wanted to teach kids with talent how to face criticism and discover that success isn't about winning.

It's about staying in the game, not quitting, or letting someone make you quit.

Does that make sense?

So you're not a d*ck?

No, I'm a d*ck.

But I'm a d*ck who has a method to his madness.

And I want you to realize that all the hardship and all the criticism that you face is making you a better writer and a better person.

So don't quit now before you learn that no matter what you do or where you go, you can't escape yourself.

Turns out I was feeling something for Mr. Hart.

But it wasn't love.

It was respect.

Now take the weekend, but turn that paper in.

Damn, tuxes are a pretty penny.

[Sighs] How 'bout renting two?

I can't believe the guy wouldn't let me exchange the black one for my Tamara surprise.

Well, now, you can make the mid-prom wardrobe change you've always dreamed of.

A-ha, ha. Oh, how you know me.

You really think that joke is worth it?

It's not a joke. It's a lesson.

Tamara needs to learn that she can't control everything.

Starting with you in a clown suit.

Damn straight.

So Bailey.

Is this just a date?

Or is she girlfriend material?

Mm.

Too early to tell.

But there's something really cool about her.

She's just less insecure than other girls, you know?

And for whatever reason, makes me nervous.

[Laughs]

So you've been doing a lot of pit sniffing?

Maybe. [Both laugh]

She's the first girl I've hung out with who doesn't make me miss Jenna.

sh*t.

What?

Jenna asked me to help her get a date, and I totally spaced.

Nah, don't sweat it. It was a ploy.

Jenna was trying to get you to ask her.

She wanted to go with you.

It was a last-ditch effort.

We just figured if we got you a ticket, you'd come with us tonight.

And wear what? A dress cut in half?

Or something in your mom's closet.

Nothing in my mom's closet is appropriate.

Besides, I have to finish my paper this weekend, and I haven't even started.

You can do that tomorrow, but tonight, you are gonna borrow the perfect dress that I can't wear and isn't returnable, 'cause I had to buy a black sack, 'cause I have no idea what color Jake is wearing and I don't wanna clash.

Although I guess black is appropriate, seeing as I'm already mourning the loss of my magic night.

Don't say "Magic night." It's a cliche.

I mean, explain to me why sex is considered magic.

And why does everyone have to have it after prom?

Why can't we just play f*cking mah-jongg instead?

Easy, girl. You're at an 11.

[Sighs] You're right.

I need to take it back to a six, especially since I have a foolproof plan to avoid Operation Panty Drop.

Explain.

I told Fred that part of the deal of going to prom meant having dinner with my parents first.

And once they confirm that he has a penis--

'cause he's a boy-- I'm gonna get an--

Early curfew.

Early curfew.

Foolproof.

[Sighs]

[Laughs]

Everything's so delicious and healthy.

Do you steam everything you eat?

Steam is good for body.

Is that why you have such a lovely figure?

Are you checking out my mom?

What? No.

Not that you don't have a lovely one.

But that would be inappropriate.

And yet, you did it.

You know what's awesome about Fred?

Oh, finally.

He's not a conformist.

He's an Asian kid who doesn't play an instrument, doesn't get particularly good grades, and he might wanna go to art school.

[Laughs] It's-- it's-- it's-- that is if business school doesn't work out.

I'm gonna pass out.

That's a good sign.

That means you're getting dehydrated, and your organs are starting to shrivel up.

Is that dangerous?

Absolutely.

But your stomach will be flat...er.

Anyway, you're almost there, and in 20 more minutes, you'll finally look good in that dress.

20 more minutes?

Suck it up.

Big girls don't cry.

Whore.

Bitch.

I'm nervous about tonight.

I think I'm in love.

[Sighs]

sh*t.

Is it time for the talk?

I'm squared away on the birds and the bees.

Thank you.

Well, I'd hope so.

But I was talking about orgasms.

Do you know how to get one?

I'm not discussing this with you.

I am just trying to give you some pointers on how to avoid first-time pain.

Although, since you're of the big-boned variety, you're probably big downstairs too.

Jesus.

Let me-- let me just show you one technique.

Please don't.

I'm not gonna take out my hoo-ha.

I'm just gonna show you a little trick you can do even with your clothes on.

But you gotta stretch first.

You know, warm up.

Stop, now I want to pass out and throw up.

You're not gonna pass out.

So stop you're bitchin', and watch me work.

[Pants]

♪ Wow ♪

I'm really not feeling good.

I'm light-headed. I'm woozy.

Shut it, no one passes out in a--

Nothing was coming to me.

I was stuck and seeking any and all inspiration.

[Soft music]

♪

I have a surprise.

You fixed my dress?

Me? God no.

But my tailor did, and you would never know it wasn't always in one piece.

You can still go to prom if you want.

Alone?

Why not?

Come on, you never would've gone alone.

No, but I wasn't nearly as brave as you are.

I'm not brave.

Besides, I really need to finish this paper.

♪

Is that the letter?

Yeah.

Can I see it?

[Soft music]

♪

This feels like a lifetime ago.

It was.

God, what was I thinking?

[Sighs]

Can you imagine what would've happened if you hadn't forgiven me?

If I had never known what it was like to have this?

This moment, this gift of being so close to you.

[Sniffles]

[Sighs]

I'm so sorry I ever wrote it.

It came from a good place.

No.

It was cruel.

[Sighs]

Did I become this person?

Oh, babe.

I dropped my friends, second-guessed my instincts.

And worst of all, I was cruel.

So, so cruel.

And young.

You are not this person.

You realized your mistakes, you took ownership of them, you made amends.

Honey, without the bad days, we can never appreciate the good ones.

And there are so many good days coming your way.

[Sighs]

Just do me a favor.

What?

Forgive yourself like you forgave me.

[Soft music]

♪

Stop being a p*ssy.

♪

And that's why Fred can never go to Ventura County again.

[Sighs]

Ming, I dropped my napkin. Can you help me?

And he can't even pick up a napkin.

I can.

But it seems like you're stepping on it.

Help me.

[Groans]

What the hell are you doing?

I'm just trying to help my parents get to know you.

And hate me.

What are you gonna tell them next?

That I'm a cutter?

Are you?

Ming Ming.

[Clears throat]

Shouldn't you be leaving?

Yes.

What time do you want me home?

Whenever. No curfew.

What? Why?

It's prom.

Mr. Hart, attached is my paper.

I took your words of wisdom to heart.

I'm not going to run from my critics because I'm not a p*ssy.

[Upbeat rock]

♪ ♪

[Upbeat music]

♪

[Overlapping chatter]

Are you nervous?

No.

But you're exhibiting the physical, stress-induced habits that are typically associated with nerves.

Like what?

Restless hands.

Restless feet. Tense face.

I don't have tense face.

Objectively, you do.

Objectively, you don't know everything.

That would be a correct statement.

But in this case, I know nerves, and I know you.

Well, if you know me, then why am I nervous?

May I touch you?

Okay.

The rhythms of your heart are fast and furious, proving my first assumption was correct.

And what assumption was that?

The assumption that you love me and you're afraid to say it.

Not true.

That wasn't a question.

It was a statement.

So what?

Are you gonna leave now?

No.

Why not?

Because then you wouldn't know that I love you back.

You do?

Isn't it obvious?

No.

Can I kiss you now?

Yes.

[Upbeat music]

♪

Sadie.

What are you doing here?

Did JC finally leave the church?

As a matter of fact, he did.

Hey, I'm Jack Carter, but my friends call me "JC."

[Upbeat music]

♪

Are you ready for a cherry pop?

No. I'm not.

I wanna go home along with my cherry that you wanna pop.

Cherry soda.

In Idaho, we called it "Pop."

Look, I'm just no ready to bump and grind, and I'm done making excuses because I don't--

Hush.

[Sighs] We don't have to have sex.

But it's prom, and you have a hotel room.

Which I got so we can stay up all night and watch pay-per-view.

That's it?

Hopefully, we can make out a little, or a lot.

I can handle that.

[Sighs]

Babe, you've gotta keep the animal to a minimum on the dance floor.

I'm gonna pass out.

Well, not before I eat you up.

I love what this jacket brings out in you.

[Laughs]

Well see, sometimes, you gotta let the wild thing out.

[Laughter]

He might surprise you.

[Both laugh]

Ah, the old sniff of the pit.

What does that mean?

It means I need to get us some drinks.

[Clears throat]

♪

And the loser goes stag.

Surprised you couldn't find a date.

Cheating, lying skitches are usually in hot demand.

Weird.

Making fun of you has lost its luster 'cause now anything awful I could say about you is true.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey. I'm so glad you're here.

Having a good time?

Yeah, even better now.

Well, I'm on the fence about staying, but I'm giving myself 20 minutes.

Well, if it isn't the two most beautiful girls in the room.

Uh, drink?

No, thank you.

[Down-tempo rock]

♪ ♪

Hey, how 'bout you guys have this dance?

No, I am just here to hang, not to intrude.

Nah, you wouldn't be. Come.

Just one song.

[Soft rock music]

♪

You don't have to do this.

I know I don't have to, but I want to.

Your dress looks better without the hoodie.

Caught.

[Chuckles]

I bought it stupidly thinking you were going to ask me to prom.

And why is that stupid?

Because you didn't.

I didn't know we were still open.

And I didn't know we were closed.

I feel awful, but I--

Don't.

Don't say it.

I want you to know that when I hurt you, I didn't understand what I was doing.

But I do now.

I didn't love myself enough to let you love me.

♪

Thanks for the dance.

The pleasure was all mine.

Now, get back to your date.

Will do.

[Upbeat folk]

♪ ♪

I had been struggling to think of what to say, so I stopped thinking.

I was convinced I didn't know who I wanted to be.

And then, I realized the answer was all around me.

I wanna be someone who is willing to forgive.

I wanna be someone that cares more about others than themselves.

I wanna be someone who can tell it like it is.

I wanna be someone who would give up everything for the right reason.

I wanna be someone who sees the best in everyone.

I wanna be someone who is a true friend.

♪

I wanna be someone who always tries to be a better person, and someone who learns from their mistakes.

I guess I just wanna be someone who encompasses all those things so I can finally be that girl who doesn't need a boy to be happy because I'll know how to dance all on my own.