03x99 - Most Awkward Moments

[bunniefuu]

[keyboard clacking]

Hey, everybody.

I'm beau mirchoff, and I play matty mckibben.

Jenna lip-dip. Heyo!

Oh.

I'm molly tarlov, otherwise known as sadie.

You're welcome.

I'm jillian rose reed, aka tamara.

I am forever a different person.

Europeans are amaze-balls, As in, stress the "balls,"

'cause that's what they smell like.

And I'm brett davern, jake rosati.

Talk dirty to me, baby.

And this is awkward's most awkward moments.

So far every season of awkward Has been jam-packed with especially awkward moments, And today, we're gonna revisit them all.

From the steamiest make-outs with the hottest hunks To your favorite tamara-isms, we got 'em.

We'll also take a peek at some red-hot romances, Bromances, and best wisdom--

Or something like that--

From our favorite vice principal/guidance counselor, Aka vpgc at palos hills high.

Did someone say they needed a vpgc?

Wow. Desi lydic, guys.

You're good.

And you're in luck, Because I am the vpgc.

So hang with us, as we look back At the funniest, sexiest, Most emotional, most embarrassing, And of course, most awkward moments from awkward.

[imitates keyboard clacking]

[all imitate g*nsh*t]

Matty mckibben wanted me, a nobody, To meet him in the utility closet.

You are the [bleep], j-town.

But nobody can know that I like you.

"jenna, you could disappear and no one would notice."

A friend?

"sometimes being a teenager makes you want to die."

[choking]

[screams]

Ah!

[electricity crackling]

I didn't try to k*ll myself.

Figure out what you want, matty, Because I'm tired of being your secret.

Anyone would be lucky to be with you.

Who'd you come with?

There was a girl, but I messed it up.

You want another chance?

I won't screw up again.

I came with jake.

But you can stay with me.

[all cheering]

I chose jake, And now we can't be alone Without matty tagging along Trying to tempt me.

The whole situation is weird.

Nice job, mckibben.

What?

You are totally sabotaging them.

I can't believe your dad gave you condoms.

Yeah, it's kind of his thing.

He gave them to the last guy I dated too.

If it makes you feel any better, I was in love, You know, when I used them.

That doesn't make me feel any better.

Ask matty.

He had a piece of your hamilton pie long before you did.

Okay, mckibben, time to come clean.

Please don't do this.

I know you're together now.

It's cool.

I finally got what I really wanted.

But I wasn't sure it was what I needed.

Wake up, jenna.

This is your junior year, And it is time to evolve, change.

Something is definitely off in my relationship.

You need the loving, But you want to bring back the mystery.

I feel you.

Jenna!

So your dad called my parents And said we're having sex.

My mom was right about one thing.

You guys are different kinds of people.

Can I crash here for the night?

I'm not pregnant.

Totally thought I was, but I'm not.

So what did I miss?

Your girlfriend telling me That she's not pregnant.

She just thought she was.

You had your accident the same day we slept together.

How do you think that [bleep] with my head?

You didn't even try to explain it to me.

You said you were never embarrassed of me.

I lied.

What do you think about the metamorphosis?

Pretty chic, huh?

Love is a game-changer.

[shrieking] I'm a cheerleader!

You're throwing a party with the julies?

Yes, I replaced sadie.

I really need to get on the pill.

Are you guys having sex?

Not yet, but soon.

And then jakara will finally have something over jakenna.

Oh, my god. We're gonna do it.

In minutes, I'm not gonna be a virgin anymore.

I'm broke, okay?

My parents lost all their money, And if anyone finds out, I might have to go to another school.

Everyone's talking about how your parents are broke.

Ah!

You can't help us anymore, 'cause a bitch without money is just a bitch.

And we don't need any help in that department.

You can't leave with the horseshoe Unless you pony up your phone number.

Happy?

Sometimes.

The ritalin helps.

You're welcome.

I learned mandarin.

You finally speak chinese?

Ixnay on the chinese-ay.

Mafia is everywhere, And they can't know what I know.

Who the hell is henry?

My beard.

I've been asian-bitching becca for months.

I was seeing fred on the low.

Wha! Jeez! Where did you come from?

Your beard has been shaved.

I'm going to take that [bleep] down.

[all gasp]

Good-bye, kitty.

Does that mean you're head of the mafia?

I [bleep] love asians.

Everything that once was simple was now complicated.

So who is the guy?

Collin? He's in my class.

Oh.

Is that all?

It's no big deal.

He has a girlfriend.

And you have a boyfriend.

Who knew you were funny?

Me.

I'm worried this collin thing Might be more than just a fantasy.

I think I might have actual feelings for him.

You're 16.

If there's ever a time to be selfish, it's now.

Hey.

I can't believe we're still standing After that drama coaster.

Whoo.

Well, high school, it's definitely all about Ups and downs, Especially when it comes to love.

You never know what to expect.

But I have to say, brett, Our boo-loving skills on the show Are pretty impressive.

Well, you know, I never thought about it, Because my romance meter is always set to full blast.

Ha-ha!

But you're right, beau.

Oh, we are good at it.

It's true.

You guys are basically like the ryan goslings of palos hill.

Hey, girl.

Hey, girl.

Let's watch their love sparks fly In some of the most romance-ifanced scenes From awkward.

We've decided not to let a girl come between us.

I understand.

So you need to choose.

Him...

Or me.

Our whole lives have been building up to this moment.

I met you, and then you met matty, And then you met jake, And then you cheated on jake with matty, And then I started dating jake, And now you're with matty, And here we are.

Both: Je t'aime.

I love you so much.

I just want to be as close as two people can possibly be.

You. Come here.

Ah.

I think I'm gonna head out.

Bye.

Yeah, I'll call you later, man.

I love your full lips.

And your full face.

And your flat--

Watch it.

Go get 'em, sugar booger.

I will, my tiny tiger.

And I-- and you say nothing.

Because I shut you up like this.

I love you.

I love you too.

Jenna hamilton.

Will you be...

Matty's girl.

Yes, I will.

You're a good person.

The best person I know.

And every moment I spend with you I get better.

[knock on door]

I forgot something.

Love was def in the air.

That was hot.

Coming up, you better brace yourself, 'cause I'm coming at ya with a whole season's worth Of absolutely indispensable advice.

And we'll also look back at a season's worth Of sadie's very dispensable advice.

I hate to be the devil's advocate, But it kind of depends on what she said.

More of awkward's most awkward moments after the break.

Welcome back to awkward's most awkward moments.

Oh, beau-seph, I have something for you.

Oh, yes? What is that?

Are you finally paying me on that super bowl bet?

Oh, damn.

Dude, I totally thought you forgot about that.

No.

No, it's something else.

I got you a matching bro-lace.

Hmm?

Oh, wow.

Dude, thank you so much.

You like it, right?

That's amazing. Yeah, I love it.

Sure, man.

You still owe me on that super bowl bet.

Yeah, fair enough.

So bromantic.

While these two bromosexuals get their bro-laces on, Let's see how their bromance blossomed in season three.

You like it, right?

I love it.

Cool.

If you want to take our bromance to the next level, You're gonna have to get me drunk first, you little slut.

Can't you bring the mystery girl from camp?

I kissed jenna hamilton.

What?

Have you ever betrayed anyone?

Maybe a friend?

No.

You talked to me about her!

Huh?

I gave you advice about her!

That must have been really hilarious!

I [bleep] your girlfriend.

I don't want our friendship to go out this way.

Neither do I.

So what do we do?

We just move on, And we tell each other the truth, okay, About everything.

He's a good-looking guy With a great head of hair And a really big heart.

He's about the best kind of friend to have around When the going gets tough.

I really cannot dance.

I'm bad.

And that is why you have me.

Just remember, you're not gonna be alone.

You can do this. Yeah.

Yeah!

Hey.

♪ you just ♪
♪ got to ♪
♪ give good face ♪

I [bleep] love you.

Where's jenna? I need you to get her.

Why?

I can't say.

Bro code.

Bro code can suck it.

Jake and I have plans.

I wish our boyfriends would break up.

I think I'm gonna bro up.

I understand.

It's hard handling all that, uh, manliness.

Yep, yep.

Maybe you should talk to somebody about that.

There are guidance counselors on set, sort of.

Like who? Val?

Well, yeah, and it is a guidance counselor's job To help students understand and overcome any problem That's affecting their educational situation.

Let's take a look at the kind of advice Val has been dangerously dishing out all season.

It's gonna be okay.

No one ever d*ed getting touched by their uncle.

I am downgrading myself from v.P.

To g.C.

Apparently principal cox doesn't like the advice I give to students.

Getting pregnant does suck, But breast feeding makes you skinny.

It's burning and not itching.

You're fine.

Take a sleeping pill and nap under my desk.

It's been a while since we had a good bitch brawl.

He basically called me a [bleep] in class.

Well...

If you're gonna fight her, You have to fight dirty.

Pull her hair, scratch her eyes out, Punch her in those big old fun bags.

Boom, boom.

Would you mind if I looked through your bag?

I want to make sure we don't have anymore accidents.

My girl.

Get up here.

Seriously?

Hey, hey, hold up.

Don't be haters.

Jenna had a reservation.

Internal reflection is good.

Helps us mature.

Why do you seem so jealous?

Just because someone seems jealous Doesn't mean they are.

Actually it probably does.

It is not fun to feel replaced.

♪ a little birdie told me you're the birthday girl ♪
♪ but don't eat so much cake that you want to hurl ♪

Nut check.

When was the last time you had a nut in your mouth?

You a coke head?

So can I get you anything, miss--

Val. Yeah, I'd love a zima.

At least she...Means well? I think.

Maybe.

She means well.

Well, we'll be right back With more of awkward's most awkward, Including a one-on-one with our lovable bully, sadie, Our favorite fast-talker, tamara, And a do-not-miss most awkward moment of awkward.

This is awkward's most awkward moments.

Does it feel awkward in here yet?

If not, don't worry. It will soon.

Especially because you're about to see Our favorite sweetie sadie in all of her nasty glory.

"you're welcome."

Okay, that is so not how you do it.

You need more neck, brett.

Oh, ah...

You're welcome.

Both: You're welcome.

You're welcome.

Okay, guys, if you nail it, They may just give you a tagline too, But keep practicing while we watch a professional at work.

[softly] You're welcome.

Can everyone calm the [bleep] down now?

How many times do I have to tell you To tell him to die?

I hated ricky schwartz, And I wanted him to die.

You can stuff this up your ass.

I'm not in mourning, And what the hell would a [bleep] penguin do if I was?

Ah!

My parents are gone.

My mom's in rehab for exhaustion, And dear old dad fled the country 'cause of the money sitch.

No one cares if I'm alive or dead.

I'm scared.

You're strong.

You're gonna be okay.

I'm perfectly fine eating alone.

Go have lunch with hamil-tramp.

Hamil-toe. Hamil-troll.

Suicidal slut. Whore.

Your I.Q.S must be as small as your...

[bleep] it.

If you say a [bleep] word, I will ensure that you also break your neck during practice.

I will shove one of these stupid asians dumplings So far up your ass, you'll start speaking broken english.

Something in this area is making me nauseous.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

De nada.

You're lame, And that is never going to change.

Oh.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

Nailed it.

Not too bad.

You know, sadie's not the only one with a catchphrase.

Tamara has her own go-to buzzword.

Uh, make that buzzwords.

She's like a walking slangtionary.

It's way cool.

You know what, we should find out Just how fast you really are.

Brills. Bring it on.

And... Go.

So this is awkward's most awkward moments, Which pretty much, on the d.L., Is the best, most effective go-to guide For all things awkward, Especially in love, Because this season is the hugest season yet for "t,"

Because she finally has her own hunk-a-hunk of a man--

Well, a boyfriend--

And it's getting hot and weighing a lot.

Did I mention there is a whole entire mega-loaded group Of new episodes coming your way sooner than you'd expect?

I mean, I don't expect much, Except that I know that my all-time favorite fro-yo place Always runs out of rainbow sprinkles on Tuesday, And if I call my bff for life past 9:00 p.M., She'll freak on me for weird sleep reasons, To this day, I still don't comprehend mucho.

But this whole season has been way "whoa" to the 10th power.

Way "whoa."

[cheers and applause]

Wow.

You just said 152 words in, like, 3.2 seconds.

You have a huge career In auctioning abandoned storage units in your future.

Thanks, but I think I'll stick to acting.

Well, that is good news to me, Because without you, there'd be no tamara.

Let's take a look right now at all those slang-tastic words That make her so much fun to watch.

I am such a geek of a freak.

Bfgfbff.

Boyfriend girlfriend best friends forever double date.

The d.D. Is implied.

Jake and I dtr'ed last night.

Trick or tweet. Get in the pic.

People have been rocking my slanguage left and right.

I have heard three tamara-isms in the first two periods alone.

May-jer. May-jor.

Lose the "e" and stress the "o."

Dropped a new word today.

"adora-horrible."

I'm so on fire. I'm trendsetting.

I was totes in secret spiral city.

Va-jingling.

Va-jacked.

He's jake-elous.

Boosh smooze. Commit legit.

You're the [bleep], So put your hater shades on And black out her vibes.

Yasap.

Yesterday as soon as possible.

Pop a chillaxative, jenna.

I oodoo-voodoo'ed him.

We're having a bro-b-q.

Bro-b-q? Really?

Since when did matty start rocking my lexicon?

I feel like a geek of a freak For not understanding so many of those tamara-isms.

No prob. I'll catch you up yasap.

More awkward coming up, Including all that love stuff That makes the show so...

Well, awkward.

Stick around.

We're back with awkward's most awkward moments.

It's hard to imagine what life would be like Without all this awkwardness.

And you know what they do say: Always save the best for last.

Or in this case, the most awkward for last.

[forced laughter]

It's been a cray season so far, With love and triangles, And I'm not just taking about fifth period algebra.

But if one thing stayed the same, It's the intense level of, you guessed it, awkward.

Let's check out the most brills, cheese-tastic, totes romantic, And/or hot and big fail-mary awkward moments from awkward.

This is the story of how I lost my virginity.

I'll be in the car.

Pastor don!

This is jenna.

She's the girl we've been praying for.

Remember?

The harlot who stole my boyfriend.

I think we should have sex.

I know you're a good kid, And even though jenna's still my little girl, I want her to have fun.

No, I'm not pushing anything, But if you guys decide to take things to the next level, Make sure you wrap up the sausage.

Hmm.

[coughs]

You bought me condoms.

You knew what could happen.

The condoms were a preemptive strike To make sure that you'd be safe when the time came, Which I hoped was well into your 20s.

Hang up. Please, I am begging you.

Hang up the phone.

Hello.

I think that you should know Our children are having sex.

But--

What do you have to say To mr. And mrs. Hamilton?

I'm sorry I took your daughter's virginity.

Thank you.

My story is called "rubbed raw and reeling."

We can see how rubbed raw you are.

Close your legs.

This is for you.

Stop with the sexy notes, The eyelashes, the whispers, and the touches.

I know what you're doing, And it's not appropriate.

This is an invitation to an open house For that photographer that you like.

Sexy notes.

You're hilarious.

I kept it all bottled up, And I just need to let it--

[farts]

I drank too bitter pills And three bloody cupids, And I need to pee.

[trickling]

[laughs]

"t," why are you wearing my pants?

I peed in my mine.

Did someone just pee?

That would be me.

Ricky's grandma just told me That Ricky was breast-fed Till he was eight.

[chokes]

Any last words for Ricky?

These are photos of warts and lesions On a vag*na.

And, you know, the more intercourse that you have...

Please stop saying "intercourse."

The higher your chances are to have a vag*na That looks like this.

[grumbles]

There you have it, uncomfortable and all.

You know, it was fun reliving those moments with you guys.

And thank you guys for joining us.

Stay tuned for all-new episodes of Awkward coming soon to a TV near you.

[together] Bye!