01x05 - A Town A Gangster A Festival

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Documentary Now!". Aired: August 2015 to present.*
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"Documentary Now!" spoofs celebrated documentary films by parodying the style of each documentary with a similar, but fictitious, subject.
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01x05 - A Town A Gangster A Festival

Post by bunniefuu »

[lively instrumental music]

♪ ♪

Good evening.

I'm helen mirren, And you're watching documentary now! Season 50.

Would you believe that every year, A small town in iceland holds a festival Honoring american gangster al capone?

You would?

Well, good for you.

You're right.

Please enjoy tonight's film, A town, a gangster, a festival.

[whistling]

I'm making an al capone statue, Like, for--for display.

I've made it for the past seven years, at least.

Here I have made, like, uh, masks that you can wear, Really light, and you can parade around with them.

As you can see, a policeman and gangster, The--the yin and yang of--of--of--

Of the mafia.

[upbeat percussive music]

♪ ♪
♪ ♪

bergannson: well, this is the most important time of the year for us.

Rest of the year, we offer beautiful vistas And friendly service.

But those things, you can get in many other places.

It is only here that you can get the al capone festival.

all: al capone.

Cigar.

Cigar.

And what do you do?

[inhaling]

[all inhaling]

woman: what's this?

Tommy g*n.

A tommy g*n.

Pkew, pkew, pkew!

[sighs]

Two tommy g*ns.

Very good.

He has two g*ns.

That's very good.

Yeah, beautiful.

all: we love you, al capone!

[all cheer]

man: uh, what do you know About al capone?

Uh, well, he was a chicago gangster.

Uh, fast cars, hats.

Booze.

[laughs] booze.

Hmm, newspapers, Speakeasy bars.

Tommy g*ns.

Mm-hmm.

Um, jazz.

[slow jazzy music]

♪ ♪

Up-tempo.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

lorgenson: in 1966, it was only four of us at first.

Yeah.

Uh, 2.

The al capone festival we have here in arborg, There is al capone everywhere, And then there's a competition, And I think, uh, that I would like To be in the competition too 'cause I think I-I-I look like--

I think I look like al capone.

I think here, I look like al capone And here and the cigar, and maybe I win.

[light percussive music]

♪ ♪

[laughter]

Show the cameraman.

Yup.

Uh, this is a new one, Uh, neeloofar shirazi.

Yeah.

A little bit stupid-looking.

You think?

Uh...

We like that.

Yes.

Yeah? We like that.

andersson: some of us-- some of us like that.

What?

If al capone is a woman, you know...

[chuckles]

karlsdottir: I mean, why not? [laughs]

I just think that the world is, like, ready For a female al capone.

Definitely him.

How he, you know, stands, And, uh, he's gaining weight just for the competition.

That's commitment.

[slow percussive music]

♪ ♪

Yeah, I keep winning. [chuckles]

But still, it always feels like a surprise, you know?

When I first saw a picture of him, I said to my wife, You know, "don't I look like him, huh?"

Yeah.

People say, "oh, look out. There's al capone."

He waves at them like he doesn't like it, But, um, he likes it.

Yeah, gunnar, he's really good.

I mean, he is really good.

He--he looks a little bit like him.

Gunnar is-- sometimes looks like him.

Sometimes he doesn't look like him.

I think it's more than just that I have his face.

Uh, I feel I have his essence, you know.

That's why I win every year.

Gunnar.

Gunnar.

Neeloofar.

And nina.

Nina?

Nina.

Nina.

Really?

Yeah.

andersson: yeah, okay.

These three?

Yeah.

All right, good work, everybody. These are the finalists.

[applause]

[bright music]

♪ ♪

[air hissing]

♪ ♪

This is not really al capone's car, But in our imagination, it is his car.

You know, last year, it was, uh, a completely different car.

That's all right.

He's, uh--he's old-- old guy driving the car.

You know, old people, you know, uh--

[laughs]

Old people and traffic--ah!

[laughs]

[sprightly music]

brekke: we are very happy to be the only place That makes official deep-dish pizza In the chicago style.

I visited chicago a few years ago, Uh, to see how this was made.

Eh, it requires a very special deep-dish pan to make.

So I bought these pans.

I brought them home with me.

This is authentic gangster pizza.

Have a nice day.

Deep pan pizzas for you, For everybody, my friends!

Have a nice day!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Al capone!

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

bergannson: important year? Ah, yes.

All of our years are important, but we are at crisis.

The town of vogar has decided to have a jimi hendrix festival Exactly the same weekend as ours.

[sparse piano music]

♪ ♪

It is at times like this that we sure miss Our mayor ragnarsson And his support.

♪ ♪

man: how do you feel about judging The look-alike competition this year?

It's not appealing to me, But steig, he thinks it's really important that I do it.

man: now, why--why is this?

It's really important for the town.
[lively music]

♪ ♪

Uh, the gangs--

Uh, junior forty thieves, Uh, bowery boys, Brooklyn rippers, Uh, five points g*ng.

Yes. Yes.

Where was his family from?

I looked--

Oh, I looked at the card, But it's from "sickily"--

"sicilay"--sicily.

Sicily, yes. "sickily."

Sicily.

We like to play around with words in iceland, yes.

Yes.

Sicily.

Yeah, no, he was not a sissy.

No, no.

No.

Last time, I dressed up in al capone's suit, Like, 'cause we were practicing, And remember when you--

Yeah, I-I-I dressed as the mistress.

[both laugh]

Just to have a--

Because it was strange if it was two men.

Yeah.

Like, al capone and--and--

We didn't know.

And we, like, went--

So...

Went out to dinner and everything in it, And it was-- it was a really good night.

Yeah, we were the talk of the town for a few months.

[laughs]

After ten years, I know more about al capone Than al capone knew about himself.

So no, I'm not worried about the trivia questions.

It's all up here.

I'll have a southside.

Al capone's drink of choice.

[chuckles]

I'll have a beer.

[dramatic jazzy piano music]

♪ ♪

"sicago," "sicago."

Jazz.

♪ ♪

You dirty rat.

Chicago.

Gangster.

I'm scarface.

Are you hungry?

Alcatraz.

[sighs]

Yeah.

[laughs]

Hi. Hi.

Wow.

Ah, this is--

You look really-- really beautiful.

One--one--one--one picture for the album.

Yeah.

Ah, be gangstery-like.

Ah! Nice.

It's a-- it's a tommy g*n.

[imitating g*nf*re]

[groaning]

Die!

[laughs]

Okay, come on.

Hold on. Hold on.

Yeah. [clears throat]

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

[knocking]

♪ ♪

A few years ago, it struck me That, uh, we were celebrating the life Of a man who d*ed from syphilis, So I thought to myself, "what better time to educate the town On the prevention of this kind of a disease?"

So, uh...

[laughs]

Thanks, al.

Ah, you need one. [chuckles]

Take...

Yes.

[crowd cheering and yelling]

[whistle trills]

[crowd cheering]

[crowd groans]

[bleep]!

[groans]

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

This has already been a very successful year.

I just met a couple that came all the way from reykjavík.

And--and the fact that they came all the way from the capital To the festival speaks volumes about its importance.

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause]

man: gunnar!

[laughter]

narfadottir: okay, the next question.

Gunnar, please give me the date Of the st. Valentine's day m*ssacre.

It was on valentine's day.

[laughter and cheers]

narfadottir: the year, please.

It was, uh, 192...6?

Uh, I'm sorry, no.

[crowd groans]

Uh, nina?

Uh, it-- 1929?

That's correct!

Yes!

narfadottir: neeloofar, in which cemetery--

Mount--mount--mount--

Mount carmel in hillside, illinois.

[cheers and applause]

That's correct.

[slow percussive music]

♪ ♪

I really hope that my friend gunnar wins, But if not, then it's okay.

♪ ♪

man: who do you think the, uh-- the judges are going to choose?

Oh, I don't know.

I think maybe--

Maybe me.

I don't know.

But I'm too nervous to talk.

[laughs]

You have to--you have to talk to me after.

Please, I want to win.

brynjarsson: no, I did not do well in the trivia.

You're not allowed to have props onstage, And then nina brings on a-- on a wooden g*n, you know.

But, uh, they're taking a lot of time.

I don't know why.

It's a little bit scary, but, uh, hopefully maybe.

man: who do you think should win the competition?

I think it's time for a woman to win this contest, So I am rooting for nina.

It has to be gunnar. Yes, gunnar is al capone.

For me, neeloofar would be worrisome.

If someone that's not from here is al capone, I mean, what would that say about us?

It says we are open-minded and welcoming.

And neeloofar pays his taxes, so he's just as much A part of this town as you or I.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a good point.

I-I take back what I said.

Trond always admits when he's wrong.

That's what I like about him.

Welcome to the judgment of the winner Of the al capone look-alike competition.

[cheers and applause]

We have decided that this year, In a true icelandic tradition of peace and calmness, That the winner is...

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

All three entrants!

[cheers and applause]

Gunnar brynjarsson, nina karlsdottir, And neeloofar shirazi!

[cheers and applause]

Um, we actually have a very special guest To present the cup this year.

Ah, please give a very warm welcome to--

To the great-great-granddaughter of al capone!

[cheers and applause]

Oh, wow.

Hey, how's it goin', iceland?

[cheers and applause]

My name is anne severino, And I'm from chicago, illinois.

So a guy sent me a message, And, honestly, I thought it was a prank, And now I guess I'm here and it's all real.

It's like being in outer space But outer space is a tiny little house And, uh, people are eating horses in it.

I-I mean, he k*lled so many people, So to see you guys having so much fun...

[laughter]

I love that.

So, uh, here you go, you guys.

All right!

Give it up!

[lively music]

♪ ♪

karlsdottir: now that I am al capone, I will tell him what to do.

No, no.

She already tells me what to do every time.

[laughs]

Yeah, what he's saying is not a joke.

"wake up!" I wake up.

[both laugh]

[upbeat percussive music]

♪ ♪

In the end, simply because I didn't care.

But then I saw that they cared deeply, And who am I to break someone's heart?

This is not what a mayor does.

♪ ♪

It--it is the same, the same honor.

But it was wonderful anyway.

Yeah, yeah, it's--it's fun.

It was very much fun, and--

It's always fun.

Even though you shared the prize, it was--

Yeah, but that's still the same honor, though.

♪ ♪

I'm very proud to be looking like al capone.

Now I feel accepted.

[laughing]

No.

♪ ♪

all: we love you, al capone!
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