02x07 - Chapter Twenty-Nine

[bunniefuu]

Latin lover narrator: What's up, my peeps? Let me catch you up. Jane's whole love triangle blew up dramatically, because Michael thought Rafael went to the cops and snitched on him.

You turned me in!

Only problem...

Jane: Stop! No!

Please state your name for the record.

I'm Eric Wu.

It wasn't Rafael.

And so Jane said good-bye to Michael. I know. Super sad. Also sad... Michael got fired. And then this happened.

Nadine: Drive.

And so he was gone for six long months, and Jane moved on. So Rafael took a sh*t.

Go on a date with me.

Yes.

Also taking a sh*t...

Rogelio.

What?

His telenovela version of Mad Men was a comedic triumph. However, he ran into a roadblock.

Rogelio: What does, uh,

"cease and desist" mean anyway?

Latin lover narrator: Oh. And remember Petra? She and Jane actually had a little breakthrough.

I have the lovey.

And Jane even invited her to Thanksgiving. Nice, right? Not so nice? She came home to this.

It vas accident?

Well, it is Black Friday, and 'tis the season for more drama. So let's dive in. Even when she was young, Jane Gloriana Villanueva

Tyler, no!

Knew the value of hard work. But her first ever babysitting job turned out to be really hard. Potentially life-threatening.

(song playing on TV) Fine.

Five minutes... but then I'm reading you A Christmas Carol.

You'll love it. I mean, there's ghosts from the past and the present and...

(TV playing loudly)

(phone ringing)

Hey. So, how's it going?

(groans): Oh, thank God the Villanueva women only have girls.

Yeah.

I had a feeling about that kid.

What's the inside of the house like?

Oh, my God, Mom, it's, like, my dream house.

(door closes)

There's a white picket fence...

Jane: No.

No, I don't care how good the babysitter is.

It's not the same as family.

Plus, I can't imagine leaving Mateo with a stranger.

Speaking of ghosts from the past...

♪ ♪

I get it, but if we don't hire a sitter, we'll be going on our date sometime around Presidents' Day.

(quietly): America's least romantic holiday.

What about next week, Ma?

Oh, Christmas dance recital rehearsal, remember?

I could do it tonight.

Nah, my grad school Christmas party's tonight.

You really want to drink with the same people you're locked in a room with five days a week?

You'd have so much more fun drinking with me.

Yes. But I have to go.

Dr. Lorraine Bolton's gonna be there.

Seriously?

Author of the The New York Times bestseller 12 Things Romy Did Before Dying?

Inspirational TED Talk speaker with two million hits?

Any relation to Michael Bolton?

Ooh. I've heard of him.

Anyway, she is the most in demand professor in our department because she is brilliant.

And fabulous, and I need her to be my advisor.

Xiomara: Got it.

Did you ask your dad to babysit?

Yeah. He said he's busy with Hombres Locos.

He say anything else?

No. Nothing about your theme song.

He hates it.

Jane: He doesn't!

He's slammed... I'm sure he hasn't even listened to it yet.

The song is amazing.

Seriously, you're our very own Michael Bolton.

Jane, listen to me.

Okay, two-hand grab. This is serious.

I really think that we should hire a babysitter.

I will even background check the background-checking company.

What do you think?

It would be nice to have someone to help out when we're all stretched out a little thin.

Okay, I'll meet some of the candidates.

But... I am making no promises.

(mid-tempo Latin rock intro plays)

♪ ♪

Man: Can I help you find something?

No, thank you. Most of us are experts.

Okay, since this is your first Black Friday, let's go over some rules.

I just want to say how honored I am to be included in this Villanueva...

First rule: no chitchat.

Rule number two: never dig in the bins; the bins are for suckers.

Nobody needs a 12-pack of hand sanitizer.

She said...

Got it.

Don't go looking in anybody else's cart.

Okay, then. Well, this'll be our meeting spot.

I'll see everybody in an hour.

Clear eyes, full carts, let's shop!

Yes!

♪ ♪

Latin lover narrator: Oh, wow. There's a ghost Jane didn't expect to see this Christmas.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

(sighs)

(soft gasp)

Hi.

Oh, hey.

So, how have you been?

Um, pretty good, actually. I did some traveling.

Good. Yeah.

I heard that you lost your job.

I was worried.

I'm sorry, I actually can't do this.

I'm just not interested in catching up.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, just, you know, I've moved on, so...

Yes.

I'm sorry. Of course.

Yeah.

Hey, Michael.

Take care.

♪ ♪

You okay?

Mm-hmm.

(long sigh)

(soft groan) I mean, I get why Michael didn't want to talk.

He's moved on.

But it's just so weird.

Okay, so what about this for the Christmas party?

Note... the riding boots.

Dr. Bolton is a champion equestrian, so I'm trying to pique her interest without having to answer too many questions about horses.

(laughs): You look great.

Very advisable.

Mm, mm, mm.

(chuckles): Now, go get her.

Yes, yes, yes. Hi, baby!

You ready to go to Daddy's?

Huh, Mr. Mateo?

(rapid kisses)

Who is my best boy?

(gasps) Yes, you are.

(gasps) Yes, you are!

Latin lover narrator: Can we stop that? Yes, we can. Yes, we can.

Hey, Petra.

Oh! Jane. Hi!

Yeah. Still haven't gotten used to the fact that these two are friendly.

Hey, uh, thanks again for the Thanksgiving leftovers.

I think my babies are now 20% stuffing.

Then again, it's only been a day.

(chuckles): Oh...

Of course.

See you later.

What's with all the ice?

Oh. Swollen ankles. You know how pregnancy is.

Yeah. Here, let me help.

No, I'm good.

Oh, come on, I can grab one.

I'm fine.

Don't worry about it.

You're pregnant. I can do it.

Jane, I'm fine!

Oh.

Well, that was a little cold.

Is that enough?

We'll find out.

Petra: Okay.

(panting): Enough... enough of this.

We need to go to the police, Mother, tell them the truth.

You went to slap him.

You forgot about the... hook.

I just got out of jail for aggravated as*ault.

Do you think they're going to believe me?

They'll lock me up, throw away the key.

I can't do this, Mother. I-I can't be an accomplice.

You tell the police... and I will take you down with me.

Don't worry. I have a plan.

I wanted to say good-bye.

I'm taking a quick trip to Los Angeles.

Be sure to follow me on Periscope, Twitter and Instagram.

Or TMZ. I'm sure they're going to be all over me at LAX.

Geez, Rogelio, if you hated my theme song that much, you could just tell me... you don't have to leave the state.

What?!

No, no.

Xiomara... your theme song was like a thousand tiny angels tickling my eardrums.

Really? You loved it?

Why didn't you say anything?

I'm sorry.

I've been the tiniest bit focused on myself lately.

But know that I sent your song to Telemasivo, because I think it would be perfect for Hombres Locos.

Problem is, there might not be an Hombres Locos.

Which is just plain loco.

What? Why?

There's a legal issue with the original Mad Men.

However, I tracked down the person capable of untangling this mess, so I must fly to Hollywood to speak to him, bigwig to bigwig.

Latin lover narrator: And speaking of bigwigs...

Jane: Okay, I've done my research on Dr. Bolton, and I have five anecdotes to casually slip into any conversation in order to evoke a natural and spontaneous connection between us.

Love it. What a fun-slash-creepy way to begin your relationship.

Ay. You remember this poser, right?

Man: Hey, Wesley!

Ugh. He makes me so mad!

Babe, just relax, okay?

Bolton is gonna love you.

Okay. Here goes.

Jane: Oh, nope, never mind.

I'll wait till Dr. Doom has cleared out.

The man hates me.

He doesn't hate you.

You haven't seen my latest evaluation.

I'm forwarding it to you right now.

Seriously, have another glass of wine.

You need to chill out.

(exhales): Yeah.

Wesley: That sounds like the weirdest orphans' Thanksgiving ever.

Was Rafael's crazy sister there?

No. Luisa was at this place in South America.

The Osho Ashram.

The what, now?

Mm, mm. This place that she disappears to when she feels like she might fall off the wagon.

Ah.

Jane: Okay, he's leaving. I'm going in.

Jane.

Professor Chavez.

It should be noted that Jane was armed with a carefully researched list

of spontaneous and funny anecdotes.

Also, she was kind of drunk.

My cousin's actually the mayor of Savannah.

I wrote my thesis on Lima.

Lady Royal bucked me so hard I lost my sense of smell for a year.

Je le fais souvent...

Woman: I was traumatized.

The nuns used to check the length of my skirt with a credit card.

Well, that's not very interesting. Get in there, Jane!

I actually taught at a Catholic high school last year, and I had... a pretty crazy exp...

I-I am so sorry. Here, let me help.

Uh...

Oh...

Please stop.

Just... stay away from me.

Well, there's your funny anecdote.

(groans)

No drinking and e-mailing.

Mom, you don't understand.

I have to apologize.

I... pawed at her boob.

And then somehow I squeezed!

Good. You finally got some action.

Now, make your case the old-fashioned way.

(kiss)

Also making his case,

Rogelio... or trying, anyway.

So as Don Juan Draper closes the cigarette account, Rogelito opens up a carton... to celebrate, no?... but instead of cigarettes, it's filled with... cocaine!

Then Rogelito starts to snort the cocaine, when bam!

Don Juan Draper sh**t him in the head!

Then he turns coolly to camera and says, "I'd like to sell the world some coke."

Fade out.

End of pilot. (clicks tongue)

(sighs quietly)

No.

And speaking of bad news...

I've counseled Nadine's family since they joined our church...

Yeah, I know. I can't believe she's gone.

♪ ♪

You said you worked for Sin Rostro because she threatened your family... if that's true, help me catch her. Help me.

I'm not a cop anymore.

Michael (echoing): We don't have to play by the rules.

We're also here to celebrate her life.

Minister: It's a tragedy...

Rose was supposed to be here.

(clattering)

Michael: What's going on?

Michael: Nadine, did you set me up?

Nadine: No. No. I swear.

You did. You-you set me up.

I didn't!

(footsteps)

(distorted, echoing g*nsh*t)

Minister: We're also here to celebrate her life. It's a tragedy... to have to mourn her death.

♪ ♪

(echoing g*nsh*t)

(g*nsh*t ricochets)

(gasps)

Latin lover narrator: Wait a minute. This guy looks familiar.

Please state your name for the record.

I'm Eric Wu, and I'm here to talk about my friend, Nadine Hansen.

Oh. It's the guy who turned Michael in.

What are you doing here, man?

No one needs to be reminded about what happened.

I'm sorry.

I'm very sorry.

Also feeling rather sorry? Our Jane.

Hello?

Dr. Bolton?

(softly): Okay.

Okay, just leave the note on her desk.

What?

Okay, no problem. Write another one. Seriously? What kind of writer doesn't have a pen on her desk?

Excuse me?

Oh. Dr. Bolton. Uh, I'm sorry.

I-I was not digging through your desk.

Well, I was, but only to write you an apology, and now that it appears I've broken into your office, there are two things I need to apologize for.

Damn it! Oh, no.

No.

Th-Th-The cafeteria ladies in the student union will give you a bag of ice and a pinch so your milk doesn't go bad.

I have the same pumping bag.

You're nursing?

Well, I...

I stopped two days ago, and I hadn't had a drink in forever, and that's why last night I was just... and then I, you know...

Well, that's good to know.

I'm going to New York this weekend, and I was planning to pump and dump.

Yeah, don't have that second glass of wine.

(both laugh)

And there it was... a natural and spontaneous connection.

Look, I might be pushing my luck here... but you're part of the reason I applied, and if I'm gonna be at school and not at home with my kid, I want to at least make it worth it.

She said yes!

To being your advisor?

No! Not yet!

To reading my material. But it's a start.

(knocking)

Xiomara: Okay, you ready?

I'm nauseous. We won't stop looking until we find the perfect person.

Plus, I bought that nanny cam.

We can use it...

No. If I'm gonna hire a sitter, then I need to be able to trust her.

Which brings us here, now... to Babysitting Idol!

How do you handle difficult situations, like a baby crying uncontrollably?

Coddling babies is creating a generation that refuses to grow up.

At some point, they've just got to toughen up and face real life.

If you want something, ask me for it.

Don't just sit there crying like a baby.

Next.

So, we usually follow an eat, sleep, play, change routine.

Oh, babies don't need diapers.

Hmm?

Have you heard of Elimination Communication?

I learn the baby's cues, he learns my cues, and then we hold them over the potty, and...

Psh, psh, psh, psh, psh.

Next.

Psh, psh, psh...

So, you've done this before?

(breathing heavily)

(gasping breaths)

Next!

How long have you been caring for children, Chepa?

40 years.

First two of my own, then I spent 18 years as a pediatric nurse.

When I retired, I missed being with the little ones, so I started babysitting.

What's your favorite age to care for, and why?

Each age brings its own joys and challenges.

Where are you from?

Frutillar, Chile.

How do you feel about speaking both Spanish and English to the baby?

I prefer Spanish.

Only because Mateo will be hearing English the majority of the time.

But, of course, it's your choice.

I'll admit, I'm impressed.

And?

And if each and every one of her references check out... then we may possibly have a part-time, very occasional... sitter.

I can't. I'm too upset!

Wh-What's going on?

Rogelio: The project is over.

Done. Dead.

Aw, I'm sorry, Dad.

Just like that, no?

And my private investor, he sank everything he had into it!

Xiomara: Well, that guy's an idiot. Who sinks everything into a TV pilot? (laughs)

Dad?

No.

You were the investor?

How much did you invest?

Everything I had in cash.

I tried to invest my SAG retirement, but my financial advisor wouldn't let me.

And now I feel bad for calling her a "narrow-minded idiot."

She did me a real solid.

When I'm 65, I'll thank her again.

Okay, you'll-you'll sell your house, sell your cars.

They're all leased. Like Tyga.

Jane: Everything?

Yes.

I live paycheck to paycheck.

Granted, $50,000 paycheck to $50,000 paycheck, but until I start getting more $50,000 paychecks...

You're... broke?

Yes.

And now I am mad at my advisor, again!

I mean, she does this for a living.

How could she have let me invest everything?!

You spend $10,000 on something called "smile maintenance"?

It's worth every penny, no?

And why do you own 40 Hermès scarves?

I get cold.

No. You clearly need to go on a budget.

No more of that.

But I love New Pants Wednesday.

It's a perfect antidote to the mid-week blahs.

Dad, big picture... you need to tighten your belt.

Don't cut out my trainer.

If you rent a small place, get a cheaper car, you can ride out unemployment for about six months until you find your next passion project.

And check this out.

One search... an adorable one-bedroom condo totally in your new price range.

No, no, no, no. Forget it.

Rogelio de la Vega doesn't do adorable.

He goes big or he goes home... to his mansion on the beach.

Xiomara: That doesn't seem like an option right now.

It is if I go to Telemasivo.

I will swallow my pride, and they will put me in one of the projects I passed on.

(ringtone plays)

(groans)

Hello?

Jane. Hi. It's Petra.

Hey, Petra.

I, um... I wanted to apologize for yesterday.

I wasn't... feeling great.

Oh.

That's okay.

Latin lover narrator: Ah, poor Petra. She doesn't have much experience with friends.

Petra?

Yes. Sorry. I, um...

(smacks lips)

I was also wondering if... maybe you, uh... you wanted to... have lunch sometime?

What?

Well, I had fun on Thanksgiving, and-and... wondering if, um... maybe... we could get together... and eat.

Oh.

You know what? Forget it.

No. How about tomorrow?

At noon.

Yes. Perfect.

(chuckles): I'll, um... pencil that in.

So long, Jane.

I think Petra just... asked me on a date.

She said yes.

(laughs softly)

Oh, I got to go. Wish me luck.

Excuse me.

This is the alcoholic support group, right?

Sure is.

Sorry. Are those mala beads from the Osho Ashram?

Yeah. That place changed my life.

Oh, my God, me, too.

Rafael's sister?

She's the one who impregnated you?

I think the word that you're looking for is... "What?"

Well, that's just the craziest story I have ever heard.

Yeah. And definitely your first novel.

I know a publisher who would love it.

Uh, wow.

Are you serious?

I know, I know, getting ahead of my self.

No, get ahead of yourself.

(laughs): Okay.

Let's focus on why you're here.

Mm-hmm.

Your story. Great news... I think your writing shows real promise. I just loved the big reveal.

So your stepmother was the crime lord Sin Rostro?

Rose? Sin Rose-tro? You get it?

(sighs) She always did love a good play on words.

So, what was she like?

Oh, God, I don't even know where to begin.

Well... I guess with the way that she made love.

Nadine: Loved, loved, loved that character.

But here's my advice.

Take everything that you have written and... (whispers): turn the volume up.

Wesley: Sorry, I, uh, couldn't hear you.

Can you speak up?

Oh, happy to. Where was I?

You and your brother are half-siblings from different moms.

Right. But both moms are messed up.

I mean, his mom took off...

Nadine: I really want you to make me gasp.

Gasp.

Okay.

(gasps) Your mom committed su1c1de?

Yup. She jumped off a bridge.

And my dad didn't want a scandal, so he paid off the coroner, bought a death certificate and told the press that she d*ed of cancer.

No.

Closed casket, obviously.

Wait, so you never... you never saw a body.

No.

Why? Do you think that's weird?

Do you?

Do you?

So is there anything specific that you can give me in terms of direction as I att*ck this rewrite?

Just... figure out how to make it all... more sparkly.

Woman: Yes, yes, of course we want you back.

And of course we want to put you in our next big hit.

Great. Because I am ready!

Ready to bring back New Pants Wednesday!

So, what's the show?

Audiences will love to see Rogelio de la Vega as... the roguish cowboy El Ranchero in... El Rancho de Mi Corazon.

That's the exact hat I wore when playing Frederico in Llanuras de Traicion.

(echoing g*nshots)

Come on, it's not the hat that makes the cowboy, it's the cowboy that makes the hat.

It's up to you to add the pizzazz!

(imitates g*nf*re): Psh, psh, psh.

(sighs): I don't know, Dad.

You just don't seem like your heart is in it.

Oh, no, no, no, I am making an acting choice.

To make the role more challenging, I have decided to play it like I'm suffering from Lyme disease.

Mm. Well, you do sound very tired.

I am tired. I'm tired of this part.

You know, after Hombres Locos, doing El Rancho de mi Corazon feels like a... creative step backward.

Are you sure you just don't want to go on a budget?

I can't. I just can't.

Why? Why?

You can't just say you can't.

Jane, stop.

I lived like that once, okay?

Sitting alone in my one-bedroom apartment, eating ramen noodles, broke and miserable.

I've worked too hard... I can't go back there.

You're not gonna believe this.

Telemasivo wants to use the song that I wrote for Hombres Locos in another show.

What?!

That's wonderful, Xiomara!

No, but it's... it's for Esteban's show.

Rogelio.

Hello.

How do you feel about that? Me?

I feel... great, of course.

It's not a problem.

Kind of a problem? Dr. Bolton's notes.

(gasps)

Make me gasp.

(quiet groan)

Turn up the volume!

Just make it all... more sparkly.

(Mateo crying)

I know how you feel, Mr. Sweet Face.

I want to cry, too.

(Mateo continues crying)

(sighs)

(to "Frère Jacques"): ♪ Where is Petra? Where is Petra? ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
♪ I don't know... ♪

Latin lover narrator: ♪ Oh, there she is ♪
♪ I see her, there she is, I see her... ♪

Magda: Get out of the way, get out of the way.

What are you doing?

I told you, I have plan.

But I don't care about your plan... you're supposed to be upstairs with Ivan.

The cleaning crew is going to be on our floor any minute.

Mother, get back up there!

I cannot. I have an emergency.

I cannot go with him looking at me.

Well, how long will you be?

Your guess is as good as mine.

Mother? Mother!

(sighs)

(sighs)

(fussing)

"Something came up"?

Seriously, Mateo? "Something came up"?

(sighs)

Armstrong: All right, what am I looking at?

It's the back room of Bar Lunara.

I got the coordinates on Nadine's phone, went in as an electrician, set up a camera.

Okay, I should let you in on a little secret. Remember this?

Armstrong: Give me your badge and your g*n.

Come on.

Well, here's what happened the moment before.

Armstrong: Give me one reason why I shouldn't fire you.

Here's one. Cordero's got something no one else has.

A direct line to Nadine, who's got a direct line to Sin Rostro.

Let's fire him, make a big show of it, then he can embed himself with Nadine, see where it leads.

Yup, you guessed it. Michael's been undercover. Well, you didn't guess it... I just told you. Anyway...

Look at this. Cash transactions.

And that's way more than a crappy club on Collins pulls in.

I did some research. The bar was purchased by The Maracay Group in 1983.

We're thinking Rose inherited it from Emilio and is using it as a money laundering front.

No laundry required, but if you do have time, baby detergent only.

20 minutes, cold wash, gentle cycle.

Am I going too fast? Just let me know if you need me to slow down.

No. This is perfect.

Rafael: Okay, that is enough.

Time for our date.

Chepa's good. Right, Chepa?

I'm very good.

Great.

I would like to get to know Mateo.

Go out, have fun.

Yeah, okay.

I just want to say good-bye to him. (chuckles)

Okay. Uh, bye, Chepa.

I'm gonna go get the car.

Okay. Good-bye, sweetie.

Mommy loves you. Mommy loves you so much.

De España!

I think I should be stabbing someone as I say this.

Bring me an extra to s*ab.

How dare you!

What are you doing here?

This is a closed set.

Guards! Seize him!

I know we've been fiercest rivals both on screen and off, but there are certain things that even the fiercest rivals do not do to one another!

Is this about me sleeping with Luciana?

Because that was just a publicity stunt.

I loathe that woman.

She calls me "el flacido."

No!

This is about you using my girlfriend to get to me.

You have crossed the line, Esteban.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Don't play innocent.

Okay? I know your plan.

You chose Xiomara's theme song, and then you're planning to pull the plug at the last moment to humiliate her.

We chose Xiomara's song?

Wait, what?

What?

Nothing. Why?

Enough!

(chuckles)

Now I know the truth.

And I am pulling the offer.

El erecto!

Chepa: Shh...

Latin lover narrator: Luckily, things seem to be going well here.

I have one tiny thought for your bedtime ritual.

Oh, no. That's it. I'm done.

What?!

I have worked with people like you before.

It never ends. No one can do it as well as Mommy.

No, no, no.

Th-That's not it!

Chepa!

(door closes)

(bawling)

You went to Esteban behind my back?!

I was angry... I thought he was messing with me.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Because it's all about you! All the time, everything!

Finally, there is one thing in our life that is about me, and you ruin it!

Xiomara...

Hey.

Hey.

Xiomara: Uh, I thought you had your date.

Long story. And I don't end up looking too good in it.

I'm gonna put him down, and get some writing done.

Oh, no, not this sentence again. Let it go.

Bolton: Just make it all... more sparkly. Turn up the volume. Make me gasp.

Latin lover narrator: Huh. She's going back to Professor Chavez's comments.

Losing point of view here.

The sentence structure works.

The problem is the tonal shift is too jarring.

He's right... that's just clumsy storytelling. Now... to the police station!

Watch when we zoom in.

Oh, my God.

You know who used blue silk ties? A drug lord that ran Miami back in the '80s.

Went by the name Mutter.

This bar isn't a Sin Rostro front.

It's a Mutter front. Exactly.

Michael: We know Mutter kidnapped Luisa to send a message to Rose.

I think Rose was planning to send a message back, and this bar was her target.

Also focused on her target...

Come in.

So, I was trying to write last night, and I found your notes incredibly clear and so helpful.

And I don't know why it took me so long to realize how incredibly clear and helpful they are, but now that I know, I wanted to ask you, um...

(clears throat softly) would you consider being my advisor?

I appreciate the thought, Jane.

But the Emperor of Smug Condescension doesn't have room for any more advisees.

You haven't seen my latest evaluation.

I'm forwarding it to you right now.

Whispered echo: Chavez...

Now, if you'll excuse me...

I have a class to teach.

(pants, exhales)

No!

I told you I have plan.

This is plan.

This is not plan... this is...

Weekend at Bernie's.

Oh. What's that smell?

Vodka and lemons, to cover dead man stench.

What was the tuna for?

Me.

I got hungry.

Just help me get him out of here.

♪ ♪

No, get back in there! Not yet.

Jane: Petra?

Oh. Jane. Hi.

Hi. What happened to you the other day?

You just kind of cancelled last minute.

Yeah. I, uh...

Petra, what's going on?

What... I... I just... don't need us to be friends, okay?

Uh, what?

I felt guilty, because you invited me to Thanksgiving and... I tried, but it's not worth it.

Okay.

Got it.

Yeah.

I'm officially done with Petra.

Amen!

Rogelio.

What are you all doing here?

We're here to show our #Rogelilove for your first day of sh**ting.

Aren't you still mad at me?

'Course I am... but even when I'm pissed off, I'm still gonna show up.

We got your back, Dad, no matter that.

You know that.

Director: Okay, people, the first scene for El Rancho de mi Corazon is up.

Latin lover narrator: And in that moment, Rogelio realized he would never have to worry about being poor again,

♪ ♪

because he was rich in love.

And... action!

And so he did what heroes do.

Director: Where is he going?

He rode off into the sunset. And seeing her father make such a courageous and crazy choice gave Jane the courage to make her own.

Chavez: Why did you register to take my class again?

You won't receive any academic credit.

But since you won't take me on as an advisee, I will take your class for no credit, because you're gonna make me a better writer, and that's why I'm here, away from my kid so much.

So...

I'll see you in January.

Okay... wait.

Frankly, I'd rather see you once a week as an advisor than three times a week in my class.

(laughing): Give me...

Uh, right, right. No problem.

I'm leaving now.

Chepa: You're really leaving?

Yes. We are really... leaving.

Ah. Date night. Take two.

One hour, a trial run.

You can do this.

One hour, we will pay you for three.

You can do this.

Okay. (claps hands)

Give her the baby.

(drumroll)

What is that?

(drumroll stops)

Sorry. New ringtone.

♪ ♪

Come on.

Jane: Whoa!

Rafael: So since this is our first date, if you're gonna be one of those girls that's always on her cell phone, this is not gonna work out.

Oh. I was actually just lining up my next date.

I think this car's pretty douche-y, so...

(laughs)

Where are we going, anyway?

Well, since we only have an hour...

I wanted to show you something.

♪ ♪

I'm thinking about making an offer.

I don't understand.

It doesn't seem like your kind of house.

When I was younger, sometimes I'd drive by houses like this... just imagine everything perfect inside.

Yeah, me, too.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Anyways, it's kind of halfway between your house and the Marbella.

I'm not asking you to live here with me, 'cause I know that this is just our first date and you think I drive a douche-y car, but...

(laughs)

But I do want your opinion.

I love it.

So much.

♪ ♪

It's Lina, and she says it's important.

So, what's the rest of your story, Jane Gloriana?

Was Rafael's crazy sister there?

I mean, after everything you've told me about his insane family...

I know. It's, like, the curse of the Solanos.

Oh, no. (exhales)

Absolutely... I want you to bury this guy.

Of course. The piece is littered with quotes from my sister.

I'm sure she had no idea.

Okay, call me back.

Wesley is looking at a multimillion-dollar defamation lawsuit.

My lawyers say when we are done with him, he's going to be broke and unemployable.

Raf, I'm so sorry.

It's okay. It's not your fault.

You didn't know.

(phone rings)

Hello?

Okay, so what kind of statement should we put out?

This is a work thing. Sorry.

How'd it go? How was he?

Perfect. And he waved.

Really?!

I swear.

You should have seen that little boy... he was so proud of himself.

Oh...

Thank you.

Are you available next Thursday at my house?

Turns out you don't actually need to spend $5,000 on a fresh pine tree after all.

And that's the tour, you know?

I live, eat, cook all in the same room.

It's actually quite convenient.

You're doing the right thing, Rogelio.

Betting on yourself.

I agree. Who better to bet on?

I will wait for the perfect script (ringtone playing) to come along...

It's Telemasivo. Hang on.

Hello?

Y-Yes, this is Xiomara.

What?

(soft gasp)

They're gonna use my song!

Latin lover narrator: And look how surprised Rogelio is. Then again, he is a wonderful actor.

(laughing)

Cut! Okay, let's do the scene again, only this time we're going to have him slip and fall into the mud at the end.

Esteban...

Unless you don't want Xiomara to have her song on our show.

(sighs): Let's go again.

Take 14.

I'm going in the mud! (stammers)

Did you do something?

No.

Aw. These two are in such a sweet place. Not in such a sweet place?

Magda: Petra.

What is going on with you?

Oh, you know, Mother.

We're burying a body.

He was not a good man.

Mateo, are you sad that Mommy missed your first wave?

Well... I have a secret.

I installed a nanny cam.

Hey, don't judge me. Daddy's the one that bought it.

Eric: What the hell? No, you paid me to lie to the cops about Cordero, and now Nadine's dead and he's showing up at her funeral and staring at me.

Hey, calm down. Calm down.

No! No.

You said nobody would ever find out.

Okay. Shh. Look, we can't talk about this here, okay?

Rafael: I will give you whatever you want, but you have to go.

Jane.

It's not what you think.

I think... you hired someone to go to the police and lie.

What he was saying was the truth.

I heard Michael on the monitor.

He let Nadine go.

You got him fired.

He should have been fired.

Because of what he did, Mateo was kidnapped, and you couldn't see it. No, no. Don't turn this around.

Hey, no, you told me to fight for you, you told me to fight for our family, and I was.

I was fighting for us.

Just stop it!

Jane, w...

Let me by.

(door closes)

Did you read this article on the Solanos?

No, I haven't gotten around to that yet.

You're gonna want to hear this. "As for Luisa's mother, she supposedly committed su1c1de by jumping off a bridge in 1983. But it was a closed-casket funeral. Could she still be alive?"

Yes. Just do it. Open it.

No, no, no! I'm not ready. Stop.

So what are you saying? Come on, Cordero, this can't just be a coincidence.

She dies in 1983, the same year The Maracay Group bought Bar Lunara?

Osho Ashram breath in...

Osho Ashram breath out...

Okay...

I'm ready.

No, don't open it!

What if she set up the money laundering front and then... faked her own death so she could operate underground?

♪ ♪

Oh my God.

She's not in there!

That means... that means... (exhales)

Mutter is Luisa's mother.

I can't believe it! I'm gonna find my mom!