07x06 - DOY

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Childrens Hospital Letters for doctors Blake Downs, Lola Spratt, and Glenn Richie.

Ah!

Hey, I was nominated for a DOY!

Ah! Me too!

I mean, I was nominated, too, DOY.

"DOY?"

Yeah.

Doctor of the year. D-O-Y.

It's super-prestigious.

Just getting nominated is a big deal.

And nominated is all we'll get, since Blake wins this thing every year.

I own these awards.

Ooh, it's in Las Vegas this year.

Hey, maybe I'll tag along. My mom lives in Vegas.

Yeah! Oh, that's great.

And you know what? I can drive you guys in the ambulance.

Yeah, Chet can be our chauffeur.

Oh!

What a loser!

(laughs)

Was that a tomato?

He loves asking questions about vegetables.

What a loser!

(laughter)

Good sh*t!

7x06 - "DOY"

(up-tempo jazz music plays)

I need to lie down.

All that driving gave me road head.

Well, you sleep on the floor. Beds are for doctors, loser.

Anyone want to head down to the lobby and check out the competition?

Ooh! Oh, I'm having dinner with my favorite competition -- my mom.

Yeah, and I'm gonna go down to --

Chet, I'm so sorry. Can you move to your left?

Because it's a weird angle for me.

I don't want to hit Lola.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah!

Oh, Mom, this is a nice place.

I mean, this menu is as big as a book.

Oh! have you seen the third Shrek movie yet?

Oh, unfortunately, I have...

Oh...

...not!

I was waiting for ya!

Oh! Got me! (laughs)

Let's check it out today.

I think you mean "Shrek" it out.

Oh! (laughs)

You are so bad!

But I thought there'd be a little more cheering.

I mean, we're DOY nominees. We should be adored like gods.

(all chanting "Blake")

Every year with this. Shut up!

It's uh -- It's, uh, Kip, right?

Well, that's it.

We have to take down "Doctor" Blake Downs.

Man: Hi. What can I get for you?

Popcorn for two, please.

Sure.

Would you like the butter mixed through or poured over the top?

Oh, ogre the top!

(both laugh)

By the way, what time will the movie be ogre?

(all laugh)

You know what? You guys are cute.

How long you been dating?

Oh. Uh, no, we're not dating.

We're a newly married couple.

Really? Congratulations!

Thank you.

You know what? Popcorn's on me.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Enjoy.

Mom, I did not know that you had a wild side.

Owen Maestro, your mother does not have a wild side.

No, I don't. I do not have a wild side.

(laughing) Stop it. Stop it.

Two can play at this game!

Uh!

(romantic music plays)

Oops. Spilled some popcorn.

(up-tempo music plays)

(indistinct conversations)

Hey, Lola.

Hey.

This is my mother.

Lola?

Hi.

I hear you and Owen used to be an item.

Yeah, many times.

Come on, let's dance.

Yeah.

I want to see you shake what I gave you.

What's going on with you guys?

Just hangin'.

Really? 'cause it looks kind of sexual.

That's my mother.

I would never... rush into sex with her.

I'm gonna take my time with this one.

(tango music playing)

Listen, I figured out a way to take Blake out of the picture.

Gonitrol.

Gonitrol!

Listen, if we give him a big enough dose, he's gonna be paralyzed for hours.

Mm-mm-mm.

Hey, Blake, come here!

Excuse me.

(laughing) Hey.

Ah, hello, trusted friends.

(all laugh)

What's going on?

How (mumbling)

Bye. Bye, bye, bye.

I mean, he can still see and hear us, but he should be immobile for the next 12 hours.

He'll miss the whole awards show.

(laughs)

Okay, let's go win an award.

Yeah.

(sighs)

Oh, you were amazing.

Good intercourse. My peepee was so tingly.

So, do you have plans for today?

Unfortunately, I do.

Oh!

I got to spend the whole day... with my mom.

(both laugh)

(both moaning)

(cellphone chimes)

(moaning intensifies, headboard banging)

Okay, this had better be good.

Dr. Downs? Are you trying to seduce me?

"Lala an glinnz parrlizz me. Ont win boy."

"DOY." Oh.

Oh, okay, I get it.

You have been terrorizing me with tomatoes and now think that I should help you?

Well, guess what.

This is what I think I should do!

♪

Payback is a bitch, clown!

Aah!

Okay, stop moving around so much.

Yeah!

Aah!

Hyah!

Oh, you know what? I'm not actually gonna throw it!

Aaaaaaaaaah!

Okay, what do you need?

(romantic music plays)

Hey, come back with me and we can be together in Brazil, which is where I live.

Owen, my life is here.

(sighs) Hey.

We'll always have Vegas.

Ladies and gentlemen, in a moment we'll be casting our official ballots for Doctor of the Year.

So good luck to everyone!

Good luck. (laughs)

Okay. Now, don't worry.

I got you an antidote, okay?

But it takes a little while for it to kick in.

So, this is gonna hurt an enormous amount.

(groaning)

Yeah, okay. Just a little bit more.

Unh! Unh! Unh!

Well, lady and gentlemen doctors, the results are in.

The Doctor of the Year is Blake Downs!

(cheers and applause)

Blake? Come on up, Blake.

Here we go.

Okay, let me just get this over here.

Oh, boy. This will probably take a while.

Blakey, where are you?

He doesn't seem to be here.

Where is he?

You know what? Okay.

Where is he?

He seems like he's not here.

We have the bylaws for the competition right here, and it clearly states that "No award shall be accepted in absentia."

Aw! As in, Blake's not here, so he can't win.

(crowd boos)

Move out of the way! This is important!

Rules are rules, and with Dr. Downs not here, We will have to award the Doctor of the Year to the first runner-up.

Chet: No! No! Hold on! He is here!

He is here! (laughs)

There he is, your winner, Dr. Blake Downs!

Of course, I can't officially make you the winner until you make your ceremonial speech, so, Dr. Downs, the floor is yours.

You got this.

(slurred) Huh-huh. I got it.

Uh...

Uh...

Oh.

(sighs)

(laughs)

(cheers and applause)

I would li-- Aah!

(crowd gasps)

Uh!

Uh!

(grunts)

(feedback)

I'm the champion of the world!

Ha! I did it again.

(cheers and applause)

(slow music plays)

I guess this is goodbye.

Your skin is so soft.

I got it from you.

I'm so glad I made you wear braces.

Hey, guys.

You didn't --

Break up?

Yeah, I think we just did.

Because incest is wrong?

What's incest?

Wha-- It's sex with a family member.

Are you telling me that you've never heard the word "incest" before?

I guess it's just one of those weird things that we somehow missed.

You know, sort of like I've never seen "The Wire."

What? You've never seen "The Wire?"!

Oh, my God.

Thanksgiving, I'm gonna make you watch it.

Oh, you're gonna make me watch it?

I am gonna make you. I'm gonna make you watch it.

(both laugh)

Okay, okay.

Okay. Bye, Mom.

Okay, bye-bye, Mrs. Maestro.

Glenn: I got to tell you, Blake, you really earned it this year.

And I'm -- I'm sorry about the whole paralyzing, et cetera.

Ah!

But I got to ask.

How do you win this thing every year?

I told you in the break room, "I own these awards."

What?

No, I-I legally own them.

See? I fund them. I conceived of them.

They're my awards.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. That wraps that up.

Yeah.

Be b*ating a dead horse if we went any further.

All right, let's herd up and head out.

Oh, hey, Chet.

So how was your Vegas trip?

Pretty good. Yeah, yeah.

I had a little progress becoming friends with someone I never --

Wow! I'm really getting feeling back in my arm.

Yeah.

♪