04x01 - Young & Hawaii

[bunniefuu]

Gabi?

"I took your advice, Sofia."

Hmm.

"By the time you read this, I'll be on the plane with Josh, and we'll be one of those annoying couples who can't stop making out."

Aww.

"Thank you. I would have never done this without you pushing me. (phone ringing) I love you, I love you, I love you."

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

(sobbing and muttering)

...his therapist!

Josh is on the plane with his therapist?!

Yes.

Did you say anything to him?

No. What was I supposed to say?

That I thought I was ready to forgive him because I'm so stupid?

Or... or how I thought he was my one-in-a-million 'cause I'm so stupid?

Or how I thought he was excited to see me 'cause I'm so stupid?

Gabi, you have to stop blaming yourself.

You know what? You're right. I blame you!

You're the one who told me to come on the plane and throw myself in his arms like a big stupid!

Okay, Gabi, just calm down.

You're already on the plane.

And hey, you always wanted to go to Australia.

No, I haven't!

This stupid plane is stopping in Hawaii, which makes this trip even longer.

No, no, that's great. You just get off in Hawaii.

And do what?

I don't know anybody. I don't speak the language.

Listen to me, just get off the plane in Hawaii, and then buy a ticket to San Francisco.

I can't.

I used up all my miles with a one-way trip to Australia.

That's okay. You can use some of mine.

You don't have any left either.

I'm sorry.

I may have a way to help you out.

I'll do it. What is it? I'll do it.

(theme music playing)

♪ She in the spotlight ♪
♪ And she turned my head ♪
♪ She run a red light ♪
♪ 'Cause she bad like that ♪
♪ I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby, baby ♪

So, um, how is it exactly that you're going to help me?

Okay. This is the thing.

I'm in a situation very similar to yours, but way sadder.

Okay, no offense, but there is nothing worse than what just happened to me.

I got stood up at the altar.

Okay, I'm gonna give you one of these back.

Oh, there's more.

I am on my honeymoon right now, by myself.

You're on your "one-y-moon"?

That would be funny if I hadn't had my heart ripped from my body and stomped on.

(sighs)

So, here's my offer.

I'm heading to this resort in Maui called Flip Flops for Lovers, which I have been exploring on my phone, only to find out that the entire resort is for couples only.

Which is where you come in.

Are you asking me to ask Josh and Dr. Rounds if they want to buy your honeymoon package off of you?

What? No.

I was gonna suggest that you come on my honeymoon with me.

Not for sex or anything.

You mean, like, as mutually devastated strangers?

Exactly.

And before you answer, my name is Adam Foley.

I'm a really good guy.

Let's Google me.

So, look, I own my own T-shirt company.

"Shirt-for-brains."

I made this shirt.

Ju Mar!

Hahaha! I don't get it.

Amanda was supposed to wear the other half.

(gasps)

Aww!

Oh...

So, what do you say?

Come with me, and, in return, I'll buy you a ticket back to San Francisco?

(scoffs)

I don't know. A luxury hotel, free food, free booze. What's in it for me?

(laughs)

Gabi, will you be my fake wife?

Fake yeah, I will. (laughing)

(laughing)

I can't believe our rental beach house turned out to be such a hellhole.

It was so old and disgusting in person.

It looked nothing like the photos.

Well, now you know how all your online dates feel.

I just got off the phone with the rental company, and they're giving us a full refund.

Oh! Then we can stay here.

I already checked. They still have rooms available.

Aloha! I'm Danny. Welcome to Flip Flops for Lovers, a couples only retreat.

May I check you in?

Wait. Couples only? As in no singles allowed?

Yup. So, which one of you is the couple?

We are.

We are!

Oh my God, you're a thrupple!?

A whupple?

A three-person couple.

We're trying to increase business by penetrating... no pun intended... the three-person relationship market.

So, if you three are lovers, Eww.

Eww.

I'll give you three nights for free?

Oh!

Ménage à trois.

Spicy!

Let's start having sex now.

(Flight attendant) And for those of you continuing with us to Australia, please remain seated while our Hawaii passengers deplane.

Wow, you know, I'm actually kind of glad the Dingo people sent me on a commercial flight.

Feels good to rough it every once in a while.

Ooh, hot towel!

Plus, private jets are much harder to sneak onto.

Kidding.

Cheers.

Cheers.

You know, I've never been to Australia?

Mmm.

I mean, look, koalas!

Aww.

I recently read the koala population is suffering due to a catastrophic outbreak of chlamydia.

Yeah. I guess that's what they get for being so darn cute.

(laughing)

You're funny. This is funny.

Life's funny.

Yeah. (laughing)

Mmm.

What are we talking about?

Just how we ended up on this plane together.

You bought a ticket and followed me?

Should I have not done that?

No. You know, it... it actually feels good to have someone to talk to right now.

And someone to see Australia with.

Josh, you've been so consumed with this Gabi situation, you need what we therapists call "an emotional vacation."

I like vacations.

Great. So, maybe after the Dingo awards, we can visit the Sydney Opera House, hit up a few bars in Melbourne, and make passionate love beside the Great Barrier Reef.

What's that now?

(scoffs)

I'm kidding!

(chuckles) It's all a part of the emotional vacation.

You gotta laugh, let loose, put a baby in me.

What?

What?

(laughs)

This is fun.

Oh. There they are.

First two seats on the righ-ay-ay... She's looking over here!

Aww, look how cute that T-shirt is on Gabi.

Gabi... gabby me! I can't stop talking.

I never noticed how blue your eyes are. What color are mine?

Red, like the devil.

Oh!

Maui wowie!

Oh, my God.

Oh! Right, they went all out.

They wrote your names in flowers.

Ugh. So lame, I hate it.

Look, they have his and her merman/mermaid beach towels.

Amanda picked the deluxe mer-marriage package.

I miss her so much.

Oh, okay.

Listen, I get it, all right? What she did to you was unforgivable.

You ask her to marry you, and she says yes, and then she leaves you standing at the altar waiting for her because all of a sudden, she can't commit, and then she kisses her therapist, and she flies with her to Australia!

You know what, I've had it! Screw Amanda!

Amanda?

No...

Josh.

(sighs)

Oh my God, they have Jet Skis.

I like Jet Skis.

And a pool with a swim-up snack bar.

(gasps) A swim-up snack bar?

You know, I have always wanted to order a panini and a martini in a bikini.

That's just the beginning. They have tons of stuff.

Snorkeling, parasailing, swimming with dolphins.

(gasps)

That sounds like so much fun.

But do you know what sounds like even more fun?

Taking pictures of us doing those things.

Revenge pictures. Tons of 'em.

And when we post them on Instagram, and Amanda sees them, she's gonna dump Dr. Rounds, and come crawling back!

Let's do one right now.

Cheese.

(shutter clicks)

(laughing)

I've got to say, I love this grass skirt. It's very breezy.

And the picture of you in it already has 100 likes on Instagram.

But I think that's probably just because you didn't know you were supposed to wear underwear.

I know now. Thanks to that seagull.

Need anything from the bar, my bride?

Oh, just something old, something new, something blended, and something blue. (chuckles)

What?

A margarita.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ooh... oh, my bad, Hawaiian Gabi.

Yolanda, it's me.

Hmm?

And you know my name.

Mm... maybe these aren't as watered down as I thought.

No, Yolanda, it's really me, it's Gabi.

Girl, Alo-hey!

What the hell are you doing in Hawaii at the same resort as me?

Oh, well, I went to go surprise Josh on his flight to Australia, but he was on the plane with his therapist, so I called Sofia, and I bawled my eyes out, and then I met this guy whose fiancée left him at the altar, so he asked me to be his fake wife because this place is couples only, and it's turning out to be really fun.

What are you doing here?

Well, Alan, Elliot, and I went splitsies on a vacation rental, but it turned out to be a bust, so we ended up here, but they only take couples, so Alan, Elliot, and I are pretending to be a thrupple!

Oh, haha! Well, bottoms up.

Ah! That's Elliot's job.

Josh, you are one photogenic man!

Yeah, what can I say? The camera does love me.

I do, too.

Love taking pictures.

Say "dingo."

Dingo!

Seriously, you should post these photos.

I don't know. Isn't that a little egotistical?

Okay, maybe just a few.

Wow...

Looks like Gabi's been posting a lot lately.

With some guy. Who is this guy? Does that look like Hawaii? Is that Hawaii?

Oh, that's the guy I saw her get off the plane with.

Little Miss Thing doesn't waste time, does she?

Gabi was on our plane? The plane that we were on?

Or someone that looked like her.

Was it her? It might have been her.

Could have been her... It was her.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because it was after you and I had made all those plans to hang out together.

Gabi was on my plane. Why would she be...

Oh, my God.

She came to find me.

She must have wanted to...

Oh my God, she came to forgive me!

Wait, why did she leave without... Oh, my God!

She must have seen us.

I can't believe you didn't say anything to me.

Josh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You said you wanted a vacation from her.

No, no, no.

You said I wanted a vacation from her. I want her.

Did you hear that?

"I want her." Did I just have a breakthrough?

I think I just had a breakthrough.

I'm finally ready to be with Gabi.

Well, congratulations.

Haha. To me!

My plan worked.

My plan to follow you here, to kiss you, to start crying right now.

It was all meant to make you realize your true feelings for Gabi.

So... you're welcome.

Okay, so I'm gonna go. Hey, good luck to you.

And to you. Haha.

Oh God, I need to call my therapist.

(laughing) Okay, the way you jumped when you saw that sea turtle.

Listen, I assume everything is a great white shark until proven otherwise.

Adam, do you know what I had today?

Five jumbo shrimp cocktails?

Yes. And... fun.

Me too. Do you know what my favorite part of the day was?

Lying down on the bed and ordering room service.

When did we do that?

Right now. Ha!

Did you see that?

(chuckles) What?

I just flopped onto the bed, but it was a happy flop.

An "I had an amazing day" flop. Not a "God, I miss Amanda" flop.

Hey, maybe that's why they call it Flip Flops?

(chuckles)

Maybe. Probably not, but maybe.

Okay. You try it.

Uh-ugh!

Hey, I didn't think about Josh when I flopped either.

Do you know that's the first time you mentioned his name today?

And the last.

So, you're okay with just ordering room service?

No. I wanna order a movie, too.

Done.

What do you want to eat? I'm kinda craving a... banana split.

Banana split.

You know what else I'm craving?

Pepperoni pizza.

Pepperoni pizza.

Oh, my God. You know what's so great about you, Adam?

Everything is so easy.

No drama.

(chuckles)

You know, this is the best honeymoon that I've ever been on.

Me, too. (laughs)

(laughs)

Hello?

(laughs)

Yes, this is Mrs. Foley.

Um, I'd like to order a banana split, and a pepperoni pizza, and...

It's okay. Go ahead. and a jumbo shrimp cocktail.

Okay. Thanks.

Okay, so, movie.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- Frozen.

40-Year-Old Virgin.

Okay, maybe it only works with food.

(knocking)

Dessert!

Dessert!

Gabi?

Uh, no, actually, it's "Mrs. Foley."

Amanda?

Wait, no, not the Amanda that...

♪ I love to live alone ♪

(phone rings)

Oh!

♪ That is my telephone ♪

(ringing continues)

Oh... it's Gabi.

(phone rings again)

Am I a bad friend if I don't answer that?

I'm just gonna suck it up and answer that.

Hey, Gabi!

Look at me!

Adam's ex-fiancée showed up in Hawaii and punched me in the face!

Can you believe this?

Oh my God, Gabi, well... (sighs)

I mean, I hate to be insensitive, but what did you think was gonna happen once you started posting provocative photos of you and Adam?

Oh, okay, so this is all my fault?

All I'm saying is...

No, no, no! You know what?

I'm gonna go talk to Yolanda.

She's drinking at the bar, and not in such a judgy mood.

You ever get freaky in the Lazy Groove?

Yolanda!

You can't spend the whole time trying to pick up married guys at the bar.

Oh, watch me.

If Danny finds out we're a fake thrupple, we won't get the free nights.

Oh, fine.

Now, come on.

Elliot signed us up for volleyball.

Uh, volleyball? Oh, hell no.

My game is croquet.

Hey, Hawaiian Gabi.

Hey, Hawaiian Gabi.

Hey. Hey, how's it look?

Much better.

I can't believe you let that girl sucker-punch you.

You know what? I get why she did it.

She came here to fight for the person that she loves.

I wish somebody would fight for me like that.

Mmm...

Um... uh, Gabi... uh...

When you want somebody, you just know it.

You know. How hard is it to say "I want you. I want to be with you."

Gabi?

(gasps)

Oh my God, tell me you heard that, too?

I want you.

I need to be with you.

Gabi, I'm ready.

(slurping)

(knocking)

Hey.

Hello, Adam!

It's just me and my three very large Hawaiian friends who hunt sharks for a living.

Amanda's not here.

Oh, thank God.

Um, she's not coming back any time soon, right?

She broke a nail when she punched you, so she's in the salon getting it fixed.

Great. So, I will pack fast.

Um, you are not gonna believe what just happened. Um... when I was in the bar getting ice for my cheek, Josh showed up.

No way! Was Dr. Rounds with him?

No, no. He was all by himself.

It turns out, he didn't even invite Dr. Rounds on his trip.

She just showed up on the plane.

And so he flew all the way here to tell me he's finally ready to be with me.

So we're flying back to San Francisco. First class.

That's amazing!

And Amanda says she wants to give us another try, too.

Wow.

You and I should have gotten fake married weeks ago.

Wow. So we both ended up getting exactly what we wanted.

I guess we did.

And it wouldn't have happened without you. Thank you, Gabi.

My pleasure.

(chuckles)

I mean, obviously Amanda and I have a few things to work out.

Abandonment issues, trust issues...

Anger management issues.

Lot of issues. Lot of issues.

Okay, well, this is everything, so...

I'm gonna get going.

Right. Well, what can I say?

I had a wonderful fake time, Mrs. Foley.

Mr. Foley, I never had such a good time faking it.

Ooh! Oww! Oww!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Okay, well, I'm gonna go.

With my suitcase.

Got your passport?

Yeah, we're in America, you don't need a passport.

What... just... happened?

Okay. Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.

Josh!

Hey.

Hi.

I have a surprise for you.

Since we're already in Hawaii, and it is so romantic...

Shwa! Last available room.

Ocean view. Right here.

Right here?

Yeah.

Oh my God, look at your face. You're so excited!

Whoa, Elliott, I didn't know you were that good at volleyball.

Please. Smacking around white balls is my specialty.

Right, Alan?

I told you, I don't like it.

Do you realize with three free nights, our whole stay is costing us the same as that crappy rental?

To thrupples.

(All) Thrupples!

Guys, the hotel would like to commemorate your special relationship with a picture of the three of you kissing.

Oh, no!

I, uh, got a cold.

Achoo.

You know, if I found out you were faking it just to get the free nights, I'd have to charge you.

Wait one second, mister!

How dare you question the moral integrity of this thrupple!

Yeah! We're the real deal.

That's right, honey. We're a pudding parfait.

Chocolate on the top, butterscotch in the middle, and vanilla on the bottom.

Oh, good. So you don't mind proving it by kissing in the kissing booth.

Not at all.

Our Pleasure.

Where's the tequila?

(camera shutter snaps)

There you go, honey. Proof is in the pudding.

Vanilla, Butterscotch, let's bounce.