01x09 - Password to the Shadows

[bunniefuu]

[Sighs] Come on.

Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.

Hey, guys, this is Portia.

I'm probably on set, 'cause I'm a working actor.

Please leave me a message.

Hey, Portia. Uh, this is Drew Gardner.

Look, Dory didn't come home last night, and I'm not sure where she's at.

If you know where she is or anything of that nature, please just give me a call back.

Elliott Goss.

You're probably still asleep or something...

I'm starting to get really worried.

Please call me when you wake up.

[Sighs]

[Cellphone beeps]

[Cellphone rings]

Hello, who is this?

Uh, hi. Um, this is Drew Gardner.

Is Dory there... with you?

D-Dory, quick. Put on your clothes.

Your boyfriend is catching on to us.

Hey, is she there? Is this for real?

Dude, calm down.

Uh, I don't mean to put this on you or anything like that, but Dory didn't come home last night, and I don't know where she is, and I just, um, I feel like she's fully missing and I'm kind of freaking out.

Yeah, I'm sure she's fine.

She's not fine, Julian.

I'm telling you she's not fine.

Whoa, whoa.

All I'm saying is if a girl doesn't come home, she spent the night somewhere.

Um...

Wait, you think that she's cheating on me?

You think she's cheating on you.

That's why you called me.

[Cellphone beeps]

[Train rattles]

You ignorant bitch. You let me die?

Lorraine. No.

I didn't mean to.

I'm dead, Dory. Dead. Okay?

And you know I didn't jump in front of that train.

You know that they pushed me.

[Gasps] Chantal!

Oh, Dory. Why didn't you save Lorraine?

Now we're all gonna die.

You know that they're gonna push you, too.

You know they're gonna k*ll you.

Who? Who's gonna k*ll me?

Who?! Who?!!

Hey, sleepyhead.

H-how long have I been out?

Uh, since, like, tape 3 of about 5,000.

Look at this. What is that?

I don't even know how to Google this crap.

I can't believe you saw Chantal at this Chinese sh*t hole.

I wish you had woken me up.

Yeah, I figured you needed the shuteye.

What time is it?

It's late.

Oh, sh*t. sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What's the matter?

sh*t.

Uh, I-I just have to go.

What?

I have to go.

No, you don't have to go.

Yes, I do. I have to.

Wait a sec. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey.

Yeah.

I want to tell you something here.

Now, I know we're looking for Chantal, and we're gonna find her, but I'm also very, very, very happy that I found you.

[Sighs]

Huh?

Yeah.

I just got to get my bag.

Yeah, great.

Agnes Cho.

What?

It's Agnes [bleep] Cho.

So I need some advice really quick.

I accidentally passed out at Keith's last night and woke up to, like, 5000 texts from Drew.

But Drew hasn't been texting you, right?

He, uh, he called. I was asleep.

Okay, so I was thinking of writing like, "Hey, sorry I didn't call last night. Lorraine d*ed."

No, no, no, no, no. Don't apologize.

Okay, say you were with me and, um, okay.

You know how you can spend the night at the Natural History Museum?

Say you were at one of those sleepovers and your phone d*ed. Easy, boom.

What do I tell him when he asks why I didn't tell him something earlier about it?

Just say you did tell him and he wasn't listening.

Will that work? It's so obviously a lie.

Dory, if you believe it, he'll believe it.

[Door opens]

[Sighs] Oh! Dory, Jesus.

What the...? What, you're not missing?

What? Why would I be missing?

Okay. I'm sorry.

Where have you been all night?

At the museum with Elliott.

What are you talking about, Dory?

Drew, I told you.

I was gonna spend the night at the Natural History Museum with Elliott.

You did?

Yeah.

You really... you don't remember?

No. I don't remember that. No.

I told you at dinner the other night.

God, I guess you just weren't listening.

I guess, yeah.

I guess I wasn't listening.

Wait, Dory, why didn't you answer any of my texts?

Oh, my phone. It just d*ed.

Oh, your phone... your phone d*ed.

Jesus, Dory. I was so worried about you.

Okay, I was freaking out.

I called everybody we know.

What if something happened to you?

I didn't know.

Well, nothing did. Look, I'm okay.

Why didn't you just call me?

I'm sorry. My phone d*ed, okay?

Okay.

But look, I just... I was where I said I'd be, right?

Yeah.

Hey, where's your sleeping bag?

What?

I mean, so you went to the museum.

I mean, wouldn't you bring a sleeping bag?

Oh, no.

We just kind of, like, curled up, you know?

It was kind of uncomfortable, actually, but...

Okay, why would you do that?

I mean, we have sleeping bags here.

Why wouldn't you use one of those?

Do you want to go to the zoo with me?

What?!

I think Agnes Cho knows something about Chantal, so I'm gonna go over there and ask her some questions.

Dory, no!

I would... I thought you were done with this stuff!

Okay, I don't understand.

Why don't I know anything that's happening around here anymore?

I know you asked me to stop, and I said I would... but I can't.

I'm too close to finding her, Drew.

So I'm gonna go to the zoo.

And I really hope you'll come with me.

I'm not gonna let you go to the zoo alone.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I have you on tape, Agnes.

It wasn't me.

Hey, do you mind if I feed the little guy something, like a banana or something?

No!

Okay, yeah.

Agnes, Chantal is in danger.

Do you understand? Her life is in danger.

[Monkey chirps]

$5,000.

What are you talking about?

I'll tell you where Chantal is if you give me $5,000.

Whoa.

It's not for me!

It's for these magnificent creatures, some of whom will die unless they receive pricey medicines and acupuncture treatments that the stupid zoo board won't authorize.

Right. Of course.

I mean, that's so sad, Agnes.

That is so sad. It is, but, I mean, $5,000?

You know what I... I mean, c-could you just...

Could you just tell me?

Please? Just tell me.

If you're as serious about this as you say you are, you'll cooperate.

[Sighs]

[Monkey chirps]

Fine.

You guys know how I'm, like, a really good friend.

You're a great friend.

You are.

Um, you know, I mean, Porsch, how many times have I had to, you know, FedEx your birth control?

Remember that one time in Tulum?

Oh, my God. Yes.

Ugh, concierge would not pull out.

Right. And Elliott, you know, it's been a hard week and I haven't left your side, right?

[Sighs] Yeah.

Even after, you know, we discovered that you'd been bold-faced lying to us for years about overcoming a terminal illness that you never had.

For sure, yeah.

Mm.

So... I need your guys' help.

Of course!

Absolutely, Dory.

Come on.

We'll do anything.

So pretty much... Agnes Cho... knows where Chantal is.

[Gasps]

What?

Yeah. And she's willing to tell me.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

But... she wants $5,000.

What?

I know it's a lot, but I would never ask you guys for this if it wasn't an emergency. You know that.

And you guys, obviously, you know... you got a budget.

So... [exhales deeply] what do you think?

[Both chuckle]

Okay, you're gonna give her the money?

Oh, my God. I don't want to.

I feel bad. I'm like, it's not for Dory.

It's for Chantal, and if it were for Dory, like, I would give it to her in a heartbeat.

100% agree.

Okay, so, united front.

We're not giving our best friend a dime.

Yes.

Okay.

God, I would never ask this of you.

I would never ask this of you.

I love you.

I love you, too.

So, Dory, first of all, we love you unconditionally.

Thank you. I do, too.

Okay, and we support you 100%.

And we are gonna do anything for you...

Anything, forever, forever.

As long as it's non-financial.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Just we were so close.

Okay. Dory, calm down.

Don't kick my furniture, please.

Hold on a minute.

Who do we know that has money? What about Gail?

No, I'd... I-I-I-I-I quit Gail's.

Okay.

Oh, God.

Um...

What if we blackmailed Nanny Daddy?

H-How? What do you mean?

Look, I mean, I saw the guy take a photo up a woman's skirt on public transit, so if he has one picture, I'm willing to bet he's got 1000... of these things.

Okay, I love-love-love-love this idea.

I mean, do you have any proof of it, though?

Well, no.

So what happens if he asks for evidence?

You bluff.

I just remembered.

I think I actually still have the business card of Nanny Daddy in my jacket pocket from the vigil!

Remember? Okay.

This is great.

This might be good.

This might work. Drew, what's going on?

Why are you rubbing your ears?

You think you can do this?

Yeah, sorry.

I mean, yeah, I think I can do it.

I just, um, you know, I want to have a plan "B" just in case this doesn't work out.

Okay. I mean, my first instinct was just to go straight to the family.

You know, just ask them, but I don't know where they are.

Should we just, like... We're not gonna go Chappaqua and just, like, wait outside in the car.

Okay, I actually follow her entire family on social media.

They are so weirdly boring, it's amazing.

Cool. I don't think that's a good idea.

I mean, at this point, Dory, the family hates you.

Dory, Dory, they're in town right now.

They're at that bridal shop.

Oh, sh*t.

I think we just go.

Yeah, I don't think you go.

And we talk to them before they leave town.

I'm gonna go with Dory, 'cause I'm really good with families.

True.

[Groans] Oh, no.

[Sighs] Hey, what's happening?

You definitely wouldn't understand.

What do you think?

You look so pretty, honey.

[Sighs] Thanks.

My only sadness is that your sister's not here.

I know. I know.

Okay. I feel too nervous.

I feel like they're gonna remember me.

Do you want me to do the talking?

I'm not nervous at all.

Yes.

Okay.

Thank you.

[Knock on door]

It's open!

Here it is.

This is my little d*ck.

Whoa!

Aah!

Who... who the hell is this?

I'm gonna need you to put your pants on, Chuck.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Witherbottom.

Yes?

Hi, um, this is gonna sound insane, but I know someone who knows where Chantal is, and unfortunately, that person is asking for $5,000.

Um, so, essentially, if you want to know where Chantal is, you need to give me $5,000.

Hey, guys. This is the dress I'm getting married in!

[Chuckles]

So, Chuck, does your, uh, wife, Miranda, know that you like to sext younger women?

Like she gives a sh*t.

Oh, yeah. 'Cause I actually think she might give a sh*t about this, Chuck.

Who is this bozo?

That bozo is the FBI's most favorite hacker.

He knows all your sad little hobbies, and, frankly, is pretty pissed.

I actually run the dark web, you little prick.

So I think you might want to be a little bit nicer to me, first off, and you know what I have here?

I actually have a hard drive right here with thousands of pictures up the skirts of women, all on this hard drive, all taken by you.

What do you want from me?

We want $5,000.

[Laughs]

Hey, we want $5,000!

You think this is funny?

You little prick.

Yeah, you got 30 seconds.

Not 20, 30.

Yeah? Or what?

Okay, so that hard drive becomes your one-way easy pass to jail.

You lose, like, your kids, your job, reputation.

Like, that sounds horrible to me, don't you think, Chuck?

I think it sounds like total crap to me.

Yeah, that's bad. So you got, uh, 29... 28...

Uh-oh. This is bad, Chuck.

27...

The numbers are going down.

26...

Damn it.

25...

If the numbers were up, that would be good, Chuck.

Get out the pen, Chuck.

There you go.

24!

I need a pen. I need a pen.

I have a pen right... chill out!

You need to chill!

[Sighs] $5,000?

Did I stutter? $5,000.

And another thing. While you're at it?

Make that out to Agnes Cho.

I don't know what scam you think you're pulling, but this family has been through too much already, all right?

Totally.

So I'm gonna ask you just once to get your ass out of here.

Dory: No, no, no. Sorry, sorry.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. This is not a scam. I promise you, okay?

I know you. How do I know you?

Okay. Please don't get upset, all right?

But this is very good news. Okay?

Oh, look. It's Keith, see?

I have been working with Keith.

Who the hell is Keith?

The private investigator you guys hired...

Keith Powell.

We didn't hire a private investigator, and I don't know who Keith Powell is.

You're the girl who put on my sweater.

All right, somebody call the police.

I am sick of this. I am sick of all of it.

That won't be necessary, because we are gonna be leaving.

You know Keith.

Come on, Dory.

Don't worry about it, Dory.

Elliott, Elliott, if they don't know who Keith is, who the [bleep] is Keith?

I don't know. Thank you so much.

And... and... and I didn't even Google him, El.

I never even Googled him.

Don't tell them. I want to tell them.

No, I'm not gonna tell them.

He was, like, stalking me.

Hey.

Hey.

I'm sorry, babe. Look.

Anytime you even talked about the guy, I knew something was strange.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I just feel kind of sick about it all.

I mean, I don't know who this person is that I've been talking to.

You know, he could be a part of the cult.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was the one time he didn't want to come over and help was when we went to the cult that one day.

Honestly don't know what to say.

Yeah, I don't... I don't have anything exciting, really, to say, or, you know, it was like...

Except for that [Singsong voice] Mama got the money.

Mama got the money. Mama got the money!

Elliott: Oh, my God. Portia.

I got the m... I did it.

You did it? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God. Drew was, like, supporting character.

He was like, "I'm a dark web man," or, like, "I am the dark web!"

It was something about the dark web.

Oh, my God. I love you.

I love you, too.

Oh, it feels so good to feel accomplished.

Okay, so let's go to the zoo.

Yeah!

Right?

Before they close.

I love the zoo.

Can I just say something?

There is a lot going on right now, but this is very, very, very, very, very exciting!

[Laughs]

Agnes: How do I know if this check is any good?

Oh, I mean, we emotionally abused a man to get that.

Tell me where she is, Agnes.

She's in Montreal.

Montreal. Why?

I don't know.

She said she couldn't talk about it and I respected that.

She was always crying and scared.

[Cellphone vibrating]

Oh, sh*t. It's him.

No, no, no.

Don't pick up.

No, I already told him I was coming here.

I have to talk to him.

Please, do not pick this up.

Okay, he's dangerous.

I'll be able to handle him.

Dory, you don't know what he's capable of.

Well, I'm gonna have to talk to him eventually!

Hey, you guys have to go.

All your busy energy is upsetting Amelia Earhart.

She seems fine.

Okay. Guys, what we need to do right now is we need to pack.

Make sure you get your passports.

Get my passport, okay?

And then I'm gonna go borrow Gail's car, and then we're all gonna meet up at Keith's.

I'm gonna text you the address.

I said out, now!

Stop.

[Opera music playing]

What is happening?

Gail. Hi. I'm sorry to scare you.

It's Dory. Hi.

Hi.

I'm sorry.

I'm having an emergency right now, and I didn't know who else to go to.

You've always been so helpful.

I missed you so much.

Oh, thanks.

Guess what? We found out where Chantal is.

Yay!

Yeah, I know.

Where is she?

She's in Canada. I know.

So we have to go get her, but listen, Gail.

I need your car to go get Chantal.

Of course!

Yeah?

Ah, thank you so much, Gail.

Of course.

You go get Chanel, bring her back here.

Thank you, Gail. Thank you.

Yeah. Yes! Go! Go get her!

Go get her! Okay. Go get Chanel.

If I'm not out of there in 10 minutes, you call the police, okay?

Dory, I'm giving you five minutes, tops.

Okay.

Please be careful.

We love you, Dor!

Be careful, Dory.

We love you.

This is so scary.

Mm. I don't like this.

[Knock on door]

Oh, there you are.

I would really appreciate it if you would respond to my texts and my calls.

I should have responded.

I'm sorry. I'm... I'm so sorry.

Okay. Yeah, all right.

Yeah.

Thanks for apologizing.

Yeah.

You rule.

So, Agnes told me where Chantal is.

Where?

Miami.

Miami?

Yeah.

That doesn't sound right. You sure?

Yeah. I-I-I'm positive.

Yeah. S-she said she's in Miami.

She's, like, hiding out at some naval base or something.

In Miami?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Maybe, uh... I was thinking, maybe you should call the Witherbottoms.

Don't you think? 'Cause I feel like they're probably pretty anxious to hear from you.

No, I don't think that's a very good idea, not until we have Chantal actually in our hands.

Right.

Okay?

I don't want to get them all worked up, for all we know, Chantal is dead.

Okay, I actually just realized that I haven't eaten all day, and I am... I am literally starving.

So I'm just gonna pop in this bodega over here if y'all don't mind.

Yes! Can you get me a kombucha?

Winterfresh?

No, you selfish dipshits!

Okay? Get whatever you want...

Gum or juice or something In Montreal.

Nobody's leaving the car.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry, but stay in the car.

Okay. So they do have 6:00 am. flights to Miami, which means we got a couple hours to k*ll.

All right?

Oh, yeah.

Um, you know what? I really want to make sure I have time to get home first, though, so...

You know, I can't stop thinking about you, Dory.

Just going crazy thinking about you wrapping those legs around me, pulling me inside you.

Yeah.

Moving your hips back and forth.

Yeah. Good, I'm so crazy about you, too, but, you know, I really want to get home first, because, um, I got to... I got to break up with Drew, you know?

I don't want to keep lying to him, so...

No, you can't. It's k*lling you.

Yeah. Um...

Yeah, I wish I didn't have to go, but I do.

I just, I have to go, 'cause I know Drew's waiting for me, so...

Drew! Drew, Drew, Drew.

I hate that guy.

You're leaving all the time.

You're leaving.

I know.

I'm sorry, but I'm g... I'm gonna see you first thing in the morning, right?

We should go in there.

And do what, Drew?

And get him.

Stop.

What does that mean, "get him"?

Collect him?

Get him! Yeah, get the guy.

[Sighs]

I'm gonna go in there.

I'm going in.

I'm sorry, is that a taser?

Yeah, it's a taser, okay?

Why?

Drew, what are you doing with a taser?

To tase the guy!

Stop! Drew.

You have wiggly wrists.

Okay, go, go.

Dory, you're back.

Let's go.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Okay, cool. What happened?

Just go!

Elliott: I'm overheating. I'm overheating.

Heads up, your boyfriend carries a taser.

Yeah, I know.

Okay, this is bonkers.