04x01 - Slipping

[bunniefuu]

Your sound system Your sound system You're listening You're listening to the sounds of the legendary DJ Stevie.

Phone number to call What is the phone number?

Stevie.

Where is it?

Phone number to call!

They should know it by now, anyway.

Exactly.

The phone number to call is the same one that we usually do.

Has Grindah changed much since we were last with you?

Yeah, he's doing coke and that, every night, even on weeknights.

I used to know a guy that done that but he worked in Carphone Warehouse.

I understand that.

When you're the best MC in the galaxy, why are you sticking that sh*t up your nose?

See you later, boys.

Where are you going?

I've got to go home.

I've got a bit more of this.

Stevie, on the head.

Have you seen much of Grindah?

No, not really.

I know that his hair's been suffering quite a lot, and that's really hurtful for me and I feel like he's almost doing that to get back at me.

But what can I do?

You just have to let him ruin his own life.

And hair.

I notice you've got a bit of a new look going on.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Everyone's, "Oh, you should get a job and go get a haircut.

" Hello, I am a robot.

Yeah.

Yeah, "Wear these clothes.

" Look at me.

I look perfectly fine, do you know what I mean, like?

After three months, your clothes start cleaning themselves.

You know what I'm saying?

Where are they?

Everyone went, I think.

That's daylight, bruv.

Hurrah.

f*cking hell!

Let's start the breakfast show.

-SubRip by Rapunzel- (BABY CRIES)

Please stop crying, mate.

Please stop crying.

Please stop crying.

I can actually hear it in my dreams.

Just screams, like, even when she's not crying.

If we've learned anything from Robin, it's that you really need to express yourself.

'Yeah.

And also, like, really,' really think about if you're going to have kids, like, proper think about it.

Don't just do it, cos I should've thought about it a bit more.

What?

Not in that way, like, I'm proper over the moon and that, happy, but just think about it.

Yeah, obviously the mood is quite stressful with a new baby and that.

And she's too young to help.

Kevin?

Kevin!

Yeah?

Where's the washing powder?

Oh, I'll get it.

(BABY CRIES)

Come on, sweetheart.

Oh, I know.

You get louder every day, don't you?

And even louder.

(KNOCKING)

Hey!

One minute.

Hey!

Hey!

Hurry up.

It's an emergency.

Open the door.

Come on!

Hey!

Right, bro, we've got something to show you.

It's actually mad.

Have you lot been to bed yet?

This is bigger than sleep.

We're at w*r, bruv.

Come through.

(BOTH TALK AT ONCE)

What the f*ck's that?

VR, innit?

Watch it, watch.

Bruv, bruv, seriously, take a seat.

Take a seat.

And listen up.

Right about now, you're locked into the sounds of Kold FM 108.

6, London's finest.

Kold FM.

Brand-new pirate radio station.

Yeah, and they play garage like us.

They play garage, the same as us.

Same t'ing, bro.

Right, this chart run.

Can't run.

Nah.

Let the crew know about this one!

Sick tune, as well.

No, it's not.

Stop.

See, they're even getting in Steve's head!

What annoys me most about Kold FM is how do you spell "cold"?

Like C-O-L- D, yeah?

How do you spell "corrupt"?

With a C.

I don't know, like, but with a C, but we spell it with a K.

Boom.

Now these are begging it and that, writing it with a K.

So Kold is spelt with a K?

That's what I'm saying.

We invented the K.

Come on, then, Ange, are you excited?

Hello.

Hiya.

Are you all right?

This is Jack.

He's an amazing photographer.

He's really the best, like, he's brilliant.

Yeah, he's a miracle worker.

Best in the area, yeah.

You'd better come in.

OK.

Hi, Angel.

How's it going in the fashion world?

Well, not too much of that at the moment.

Oh, really?

No, mainly bathroom suites.

Great.

Good, yeah.

So what we want to do here today, then?

OK, so, today, we're doing, like, a new family portrait, and so now I'm like an independent, single mum, so I want something that sort of reflects that, something that's a bit sassy, maybe a bit feministy.

Something that sort of screams at you, "I don't need you any more.

" You know, it's all about me.

Right.

I did go through a bit of a bad patch after the break-up.

I think I just tried to fill the hole that Grindah left behind with jacket potatoes with cheese and beans, but I've lost that weight now.

Yeah, and I'm feeling better than ever.

I'm thriving.

Angel, how's Mummy doing?

Thriving.

Exactly.

(HORN HOOTS)

Oi.

Yeah, I'm coming.

Come on, we've got go.

Yeah.

We're going to w*r with Kold FM.

(TALK AT ONCE)

The king cock-sniffer has arrived!

Jump in the van, mate.

Grindah, are you all right?

Yes, that was quick.

You've heard about the w*r, yeah?

What I know.

What w*r?

Radio w*r.

We're going to go and get a highchair.

A highchair?

What's that got?

How's a highchair going to save us in a w*r?

We need to make a plan.

Tony, mate, listen.

What are you doing?

You go back to the station.

Yeah.

All right?

Keep guard.

When we're finished, we'll pop down to make sure everything's all right.

OK.

Good.

Someone's talking sense, because I'm the strongest.

OK, you lot do that, we'll regroup back at the station, yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, sweet.

Steve, come on.

Sweet.

Is he still, you know Grindah still living at yours?

It is nice having Grindah as a housemate.

It's good to have someone to do dr*gs with, you know what I mean?

A lot of people get weirded out by me and, like, leave.

But he's got nowhere to go, so, perfect.

Steves!

What are you doing?

I've been talking to you this whole time.

Sorry, man.

Ready, Ange, come on, get your coat off.

Great.

Just turn your lights on.

Watch.

It's amazing.

God.

Modelling's a very luxurious industry, definitely.

It's all about sort of the glamour and the fame and you want to have, like, the perfect lighting.

You want that lovely background which is all, like, the colours, or just all white.

Just stunning.

With a wind machine.

This will do it.

What's that for?

That's the wind machine.

Ah, it It was working yesterday.

Yeah, OK.

Mate, I love this place.

What?

You've been here before?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry, madam.

(HE LAUGHS)

There's a lot of mums around here, you know.

Er, yeah, man.

A lot of mums, a lot of mums.

This one looks pretty good, though.

Ooh!

Jesus.

That one.

Wheels, as well.

Oh, sick.

Yeah.

Such a cute baby you have.

Very beautiful, like its mother.

(LAUGHS)

Are you trying to buy a high chair?

Yeah.

Actually, bloody nightmare, innit?

Yeah.

I've actually got a plus-size baby, so Me, too.

Seven months old.

Ten Ton Tessie.

Oh, Jesus, yeah.

How old's yours?

Er She is 182 days.

Oh!

Yeah, yeah.

Well, Kevin's great with the baby, actually.

He's a bit overprotective and he does worry a lot.

Can you give us an example?

Yeah, so, when he found out that baby's skulls are soft, he bought her this little helmet.

Have you seen the baby-proofing area?

Baby-proofing area?

Yeah.

No.

Oh, do you want me to show you where it is?

Janet, I'd like nothing more.

Come on, then.

Please, leadeth the way.

So what have you got so far?

Absolutely f*ck all.

Oh, right, OK!

Yeah.

AV"!

(HE LAUGHS)

Do you know where the breast-feeding area is?

Just for my wife, yeah.

No, sorry.

Man, like a debrief.

All right, yeah?

(MUSIC PLAYS)

Oi, bruv, turn it down.

Turn it down, bruv.

We've got some sh*t to do.

Turn it down.

Bruv, get the phone.

Yeah, I'll get the phone.

Steve Boy, turn it down!

I'm mixing, innit.

I'm trying to deal with this right now, and you're just 07700900125.

07700900125.

125.

125.

Yeah?

Beats don't want to come and help that, yeah?

We have to deal with this like real men, do you know what I'm saying?

I don't give a f*ck at it.

Live caller.

Hello.

Yeah.

(IN GRUFF VOICE): Yeah, hello.

We're taking down your aerial now.

What?

Tell him I'm kicking it.

My mate's kicking it as we speak.

We're still on air, bruv.

We're still on air.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you're not going to be on air for much longer, mate.

Yeah, we're taking you down.

(BOTH TALK AT ONCE)

We're going to petrol b*mb your entire station.

What do you mean?

What?

And set you alight.

Yeah, and then I'm going to piss through your letterbox.

What?

Depending on how much fire there is around the letterbox.

Yeah, you f*cking dickheads!

(THEY LAUGH)

We f*cking done 'em, the little mugs, do you know what I mean?

Was that a bit weird?

No, that was perfect, perfect, Steve.

Na h, perfect level.

It's good for them to think that we're going to set them alight.

Yeah, yeah.

Would you listen to Kold FM?

Nah, they play sh*t music Well, OK, the music they play is good because it's the same music that we play, yeah, but they play it in a sh*t way.

If you put both of us on, yeah, and it's both on full volume on the same make hi-fi on each side of the room We've done this.

we come out louder.

You're listening to the sounds of the world-famous MC Grindah, AKA, no man, woman or child could ever test me.

(RINGING)

Oh, no.

(BOTH TALK AT ONCE)

It's Kold FM.

What do you mean, it's Kold FM?

They've just f*cking rung back.

What do you mean?

Did you not block the number?

Shall I just say it wasn't Bruv They must've done 1471.

Yes, you f*cking Shall I say it wasn't us?

At least that way they can't track us, innit?

Yeah, true.

Turn it down, turn it all off, turn it all off.

Just act normal.

Decoy, act normal!

I am normal.

Act normal!

It's so cute.

Octopus pirate.

Oh, how old?

Oh, three.

No, how old are you?

Eh?

You know, I like all types of women.

I'm a feminist, you know?

Watch out, watch out.

I'm quite into mums at the moment, you know, mum play.

I like a woman who's sexually experienced, but also a little bit tired, you know?

A bit fed up.

Hello.

Do you want a new daddy?

I'm joking.

You've got a Are you with a partner?

Yeah.

Yeah, cool, see you later.

Very good.

Very good.

Oh, lovely.

That's brilliant.

Yeah.

That's a beautiful smile you're doing there, Angel.

Do you think Mum could smile, as well?

Yeah, course, yeah, yeah, yeah.

OK, ready?

Yeah, just She's got a beautiful smile, doesn't she?

Yeah.

And that smile's come from somewhere, ain't it?

Yeah.

Give me a big smile as well.

Yeah.

Um Great.

Let's have a quick look.

OK.

Can I see?

No, sorry.

You need to work on your posture a bit, Angel.

If you stop slouching, yeah?

And then do some of your schmeyesing.

Really intensify it.

Intensify.

Schmeyesing is basically where you smile with your eyes instead of your mouth.

All the sort of professional models do it, and also celebrities with ugly smiles.

It's really handy.

Schmeyes.

That's really nice.

Thank you.

I think I might use a couple of these for the website if you guys are happy with that.

What?

Like, absolutely.

Did you hear that, Angel?

We've been officially model scouted by a professional photographer.

Professional models now.

Yeah.

Good.

All right, Steve?

We're moving the station.

Today, now, we're moving Korrupt FM.

What?

Yeah!

Bruv, they're probably coming for us now in cars and that!

What, to carjack us?

If we're not careful, then yes, Steve, mate!

Pack up the entire station, we're moving now.

What?

Is Kold FM a thr*at to Korrupt?

Kold FM, yeah, they're not a thr*at, right, because, like, I'm not scared of them or anything like that, yeah.

They ain't got a f*cking clue.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Like, f*ck them.

Nice one, Decoy, there's no time.

Just be careful with all the stuff, you know?

Unplug it all, then.

Press stop.

Bruv, come on, I can't do this on my own.

f*cking hell, hurry up, bruv!

What - are you not helping, bruv?

What's wrong with you, bruv?

Let's go, Decoy.

Come on, take the transmitter, we've got to move the station now.

Have you got stair gates?

I don't, no.

These are the good one, yeah?

Yeah, they're good.

My son will go straight through the cheap one.

Oh, how old's your son?

He's 21.

Oh, OK.

Janet?

Yeah, coming.

Which corner cushions do you recommend?

Um Would you say that you guys are all getting enough sleep?

Not at all.

Argh, argh It's just annoying all the time.

You could get up and see your sister and go, "Can I help?" Why am I doing that?

I shouldn't have to do it.

Who does do it?

Him.

Mostly Kevin.

Yeah.

I do it.

It's a modern relationship, so I'm basically the mum.

Yeah, yeah, well, yeah, if you like.

Yeah.

And this multi-lock will be good for, like, the fridge and stuff like that.

OK, yeah.

OK, and the door stoppers for the fingers.

To protect fingers.

Yeah, yeah, we've got the lot.

OK.

I think we hooked it right up.

Good.

Thanks for that, Janet.

Appreciate it.

Oh, you're welcome.

Listen.

Yeah?

You should Are you getting all of that?

Yeah, hold on.

(HE WHISTLES)

Put your number in there, maybe we can link up and chat about kids again soon.

Oh, yeah, cool.

Do you want my number?

WQW!

My god, I look Wow.

Is that really me?

Is that really Mummy?

It's like an album cover, isn't it?

Can we just zoom in on my face?

Yes.

Yeah, I think looks are really important.

People say don't judge a book by its cover, but what else are you going to judge it on?

Obviously, you're not going to go up to someone who you think, "Oh, they look a bit like a boring book.

" You're not going to go up to someone who looks like the Bible, are you?

You're going to go up to somebody who looks like Now Magazine.

Do you know when they'll be up on the website?

Not yet.

But they're going to go up on the internet, aren't they?

Yep.

There's just the small matter of payment for today.

Oh, my God, what, we get paid as well?

This is too much.

No.

Sorry.

You've got to pay for the sh**t, as you would normally.

Yeah.

Of course, yeah, that's the price of fame, isn't it?

OK, thank you.

Lovely, thank you very much.

All right, straight in here, there's a space there.

Right, Decoy.

Twig it in.

Child locks on.

Are we going to move Korrupt into Miche's house?

No, just got to chat to her quickly.

Let's go.

Me first?

You first.

Why not, as they say in France?

Does Miche know you've been doing dr*gs?

I don't think many people know what I'm doing, do you know what I mean?

Cos I keep a good lid on it.

I still do what I got to do, and no-one can really tell I'm on dr*gs and that.

So I don't think she's copped.

f*cking hell.

All right, cool, I got this.

I'm chill, I'm chill, I'm chill, I'm chill.

Oh.

Hey.

Hiya.

What, are you here for Angel's contact visit?

It's not today, is it?

No.

I'm not here for Angel, no.

I'm er I just, er Is it all right to use the lookup?

The garage?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was thinking of getting back into, like, all my body-building sort of type stuff.

Oh, right, great, yeah, no, good for you, yeah.

Thank you.

I've actually been looking after myself a lot as well recently.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah?

That's sick.

I'm also in the best place I've ever been, so I'll get the key.

Cheers, thanks.

She's getting the key?

Yeah.

Smashing.

You all right, Steve?

Oh, yeah.

I didn't know that he was there.

Yeah.

I was always there, just around the corner a little bit.

The corner, yeah, exactly.

He's here because we are going to be doing body-building together.

He's my new weight-training partner.

Yep.

Cos I'm trying to get big for summer.

Exactly.

Thank you.

Go for it.

Thank you a lot.

Have a great time training.

You have a great time, too.

Nice day, or whatever.

Nice to see you.

Sorry.

Those MILFs.

They were teasing me, man, leading me on!

You know?

Yeah.

Not on.

Right, er Nah, it's cool, man, I got it.

All your furniture in there.

Yeah.

It's proper neatly arranged, man, it's like a living room in there.

Yeah, I never notice that, actually, that's jokes.

What a coincidence.

Yeah, is that bolted down, yeah?

Yeah.

Is that a campfire?

Tell you what, mate, I'll load all this stuff.

You go chill out, mate.

Yeah, yeah, go put your feet up, mate.

Put the radio on or something.

I've got it.

So how is business?

Yeah, no, everything's great.

Everything's booming, really great.

There's a cocktail bar that's opened right next door, so Sod's law.

No, it's fine.

It's not a problem, it's not a problem.

They're taking all my customers, actually.

You can have them, you bastards!

It's cool, a bit of competition, you know?

But definitely haven't closed down or anything.

Open for business as usual.

Just stash it.

We need to go check on Grindah.

Oh, look at that.

Korrupt FM 2. 0.

The brand-new home of.

Is this all it is, yeah?

All it is?

You've got everything you need here!

Look how big it is.

It's a joke.

You've got a sofa, you've got everything.

Books in back.

All right, then.

I used to do a lot of boxing back in the day.

Boxercise classes and that.

Straight in the belly, low blow.

Know what I mean?

Champion, mate.

Here on the floor.

It this you, yeah?

Yeah, bruv.

It's perfect.

I'm going.

Decoy!

Brother.

It's you.

What is that?

It's your face.

She's Was that from there?

Yeah.

She kept all the wedding stuff.

Whole bag of it.

She does love me.

She ain't over me yet.

I knew it.

f*ck's sake!

Do you reckon you'll get back with her?

No.

Pointless now, isn't it?

Onto bigger and better things, mate.

What, me?

No, not you.

There's no No, I meant, like, this.

Hey, bruv.

Ah, listen, you're forgiven.

Let's go.

No, I can't leave.

All the equipment's in my car.

I need to go, innit?

f*ck's sake.

Well, hurry up, man.

It's a good idea.

Such a freak at the moment, like.

Do you reckon people will be able to tell we're setting up a radio station?

Cover the vinyls, Decoy, cover the vinyls.

The equipment's in there, innit?

It's attached.

That's attached.

Help him, Decoy.

That's attached.

Help him, Decoy!

Decoy, help him!

Watch my bumper, man.

Lift it up!

It's still attached, Decoy.

Why is it so quiet?

What the f*ck?

Where's all the equipment?!

Oh, sh*t.

Mate.

Oh, no.

It looks like you've been robbed.

Everything's gone, mate.

Oh, man!

Chabsy!

Oh, my God, the transmitter.

What if it was a rival station?

You're f*cking We've been att*cked.

Come on.

God!

Oh, sh*t!

Decoy, are you all right?

What?

Where's all the f*cking equipment?

You Bruv, come here.

We need to do something about Grindah.

This is getting out of hand.

And ready to go, do you know what I mean?

Good to go.

Let's shut this.

See you lot in a bit, yeah?

There's a guy getting in his car.

See you lot in a bit.

No, I think you're going to have to get out and do it.

Do it from the other side.

Yeah, yeah.

Try and roll under when it's Yeah, yeah.

Right at the last bit, roll under.

OK.

OK, go.

Steve, I said roll under.

It's jammed.

Oh.

All right, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Get it back up, get it back up.

I know what we're doing.

We're doing it wrong.

OK, now, one swift movement.

Straight down.

Yeah.

Oh, for No.

Right.

So that's me.

You look beautiful!

Thank you.

Well, that's given your confidence a right boost, hasn't it?

Yeah.

Ah!

Look at that one!

I know.

You look like the absolute bollocks there, don't you?

That's just completely natural as well, just caught me off guard.

Yeah!

Totally.

I'm just sat there and he's suddenly took a picture.

Boom, you're there.

That's right.

Angel looks a bit off there.

She's not looking her best.

Well, look Yeah.

You could, you know what I mean, cover Yeah.

But you look beautiful, darling.

You're like We're a whole family of models now, you know that?

Yeah.

I used to do a little bit of modelling for DFS back in the day.

Do you reckon I should change my Facebook profile to say I'm a professional model now, just so the world knows?

Definitely!

Oh, this one, this one.

It is insane, this one.

Might have that as my passport picture, actually.

Yeah, why not?

Yeah.

Do you reckon you get cash if you get someone sectioned?

What?

He says he's coming.

I'm a bit nervous, man, do you think he'll be?

Mate, do it.

We have to do it.

I can't wait.

Duck down, though.

I can't duck and run at the same time, I'll knee myself in the face, mate.

Come on.

Hello, Tony, mate.

Are all right?

Yeah, no, I'm good.

Don't think no-one followed us or anything.

OK, mate.

Well, if you want to pop yourself inside, and then we can sit down and have a nice chat, yeah?

Yeah, no, I already said that.

Why are you talking like that?

Welcome, Tony.

What's The f*ck?

Why is there chairs everywhere?

Sit.

Bare chairs.

Please, take a seat, Tony.

Why do you keep calling me Tony, and why is there chairs and sh*t?

This is weird.

Please Please, mate.

Listen, we're all here for you.

0K?

Things have got a little bit out of control.

You don't know what you're doing any more.

No I know exactly what I'm doing.

Me and him have been sorting it all out.

Tony, Tony, please, please, please.

All day we've been working Tony, please.

Don't lash out, OK?

I'm not.

We're all your friends, here.

(HE RUNS THROUGH NAMES)

All your best mates, for you.

What What the f*ck's going on?

This is an inter-wention.

Yep.

A what?

Intervention.

Inter-wen Vention.

Wention.

Vent.

Vent?

Yeah, intervention.

Does anyone else not know what an intervention is?

Everyone has their low point.

Believe it or not, but I used to be an addict myself.

I was actually addicted to Viagra.

And this was even before This was after.

You know, in the club, in the streets, even in the restaurant.

I just had a raging boner everywhere I went.

Had to be sat down and talk about what was happening to my penis.

Look, man, we're here because we're worried about you.

And we're worried about the station.

Tony, listen, I don't know if you've noticed this because your life's like a bit of a blur at the moment, but you actually robbed your own station today.

What are you talking about?

Did you?

No, I didn't.

You've been with me the whole time!

No, I stopped it from getting robbed!

I'm the only one doing anything about this whole w*r.

Mate, there is no w*r, it's all in your head.

No, it ain't in my head, it's real.

It is in your head.

What are you talking about?

What are you We called them today by mistake, and they're real.

No, we didn't call them.

Yes, we did.

We did.

And all we're doing is sitting here in a circle, not doing anything!

OK, Tony, you're being very defensive and very aggressive right now.

I've always offensive and aggressive!

What's wrong with you people?

How about we go to the hospital and get your head checked out?

How about you get your head checked out?

I'll take him down there and we'll split the cash.

Shut up, man.

What cash?

Look, if you lot think you can do a radio yourself, good luck to you.

And good luck dealing with the Kold w*r as well.

Kold w*r is actually a sick name for it.

Please don't go, mate.

Please.

No, do you know what, yeah?

You lot have made yourself perfectly clear.

I'm done with radio.

I quit.

What?

Tony, if you run away now, you'll be running away for the rest of your life.

Oh, shut up, you ugly freak.

Get out my way.

Please don't quit, mate.

You're lucky.

just stay, please.

Get off me.

Tony, you're angry.

Please come back.

Do I have to have an intervention now?

No, Steves, you're too far gone.

Yeah.

It'd be pointless, Stevie.

Sick.

The station needs me more than I need the station, I'm telling you that now.

I could have been anything, like.

I could have been, like, a rocket scientist, do you know what I mean?

But I didn't.

I chose radio.

So, do you know what I mean?

They should be grateful.

Chin up, gaffer.

You know that bit in Lion King when Mufasa dies?

Hm-mm.

And the little bambino has to be king?

You're the leader now.

He's not dead, though, it's just the No, but I mean, as good as.

Yeah, I wouldn't say that I'm leaving him behind, but I'd say that me and Grindah are just moving at different speeds at the moment.

I mean, I'm, you know, moving quickly, and he's on speed.

Yeah, see you later, sad act.

Is it healthy to move on?

Yeah.

I mean, you shouldn't just live in the past.

You've got to sort of move on and start living in the future, or the present.

Do you know why they call it the present?

Because it's a gift.

One speaker down.

Put it on the back-seat.

Decoy, you shouldn't have a car if you don't want to do stuff like this.

It was doing this earlier.

Oh, for Craig, you need to be more careful with this, mate.

(KNOCKING)

(DOORBELL RINGS REPEATEDLY)

Who the f*ck's that?

Oh!

All right?

I ain't talking to you, but I need to stay on your sofa again.

Is it?

Yeah, because it's your fault that I had to leave radio, so you've made me homeless.

Sorry, man.

Of course you can stay.

Just Roche?