- Tell me you want me.
- Not right now.
Well, I'm gonna have incredible sex with whoever's next to walk out of that bathroom.
- He's hot.
- He's a New York City seven.
- Tops.
- Oh, well I'll be damned if he ain't an Amtrak ten.
- Give me one thing.
- Fine.
I'm a senior architect.
Fiona, I don't wanna do this anymore.
It's over.
- Ruby.
Ruby.
- Sit down, ya lightweight?
I used to drink his ass under the table when I was 19.
Everyone can see you're not 19 anymore.
- Where...
Where are you going?
- Oh, I'm going home.
I have a life with consequences, and thank God that we didn't do anything that I can't take back.
Hi, there.
You've reached the Richardsons.
If you're looking for Ruby, she ran out on her family yesterday.
We don't know where she is, why she left, or when she's coming back.
Have a great day.
Woman: Ruby!
Ruby: Coming.
I just had a collision with the Wall.
- Stop calling her that.
- She had the temerity to ask me why you were speaking at the wedding breakfast.
- Oh God.
- I said you were speaking because you have a g*dd*mn voice.
- You did not say that.
- No.
I said that her son was not a misogynist.
Okay, let's do this.
Step...
Oh!
Kelly is here.
- What?
- Yeah, she's outside.
I swear, I-I didn't tell Dad that he could...
I know.
He brought her anyway.
It's all right.
It's better now that it's out in the open.
Believe me.
It's better.
I wanted to give you something.
This is insanely expensive and you cannot afford it.
- Is it the one you wanted?
- Yes, when I was in college, yes.
- But that was...
- A big-sh*t architect will need a big-sh*t pen.
Has he texted today?
Let's go.
No!
What I'm...
What I'm saying is I did have a ticket...
But, you no longer have it.
Correct!
So...
ooh.
- Should th-that be cool?
- No!
She's being honest, believe it or not.
One of the only people I ever met who sounds like she's lying when she's telling the truth.
I like you better already.
You're sexier.
You're stronger.
You're funnier.
You're smashing your career.
You...
You seem so much better.
And that scares the sh*t out of me because...
I think I might be worse.
- One day.
- What?
Gimme one day.
Turn off your phone.
- Here.
Give it to me.
- No.
Okay!
Okay!
- You turn your own phone off.
- I can turn my own phone off!
You said that I don't know you.
So let's have one more day together here, and at the end, we can decide to get back on the train and continue our journey together, or we can go our separate ways, but we don't decide till the end of the day.
What do you say?
Yeah.
Announcement: The 8:00 AM train to Los Angeles is about to depart.
Wait, I don't get what time the next train comes.
Hang on.
Hey, no phones!
Man: Architecture tour?
- Thank you.
- No problem.
Hey.
How do you know that?
Are you...?
Are you tracking my credit cards?
Yeah, I am, and it doesn't mean that I'm meeting you.
No, you won't because it's a huge f*cking city.
Okay, fine, fine.
Just shut up and I'll meet you then.
It's 24 hours till the next train!
I mean, there's one a day.
Yikes.
We're gonna have to get a hotel room.
One hotel room?
Ms.
Dixie, where am I to sleep?
Let's get it now.
- Now?
- Yeah.
I wanna f*ck you.
Now.
You know you can't undo that.
I don't wanna unfuck you.
I don't wanna unfuck you either.
A lot of conferences in town, but we have the Alpha Suite, one of our Deluxe Premier rooms with a full river view at $1,200.
So, I wanna get it, but, um, my cards have all stopped working for some reason.
No, I'll get it.
I just...
I don't have a credit card.
- I-I don't believe in them.
- Tinkerbell, they do exist whether you believe in them or not.
Welcome to the Brock Hotel.
No, no, no!
W-wait!
We're taking the room!
I've got this.
When will you be cashing that, please?
We don't accept those.
Would you...
hold the room with it while we go and get the cash?
Amara, we are next in the line, and we would like you to hold the room with this check while we go and get the cash.
Please.
- Who was that?
- I don't know.
I think I just turned into my mother.
- How is Mary?
- Aw.
- Angry.
- Amara: I'll need you to have the cash by 3:00.
- Hey!
Easy.
- Which is when you'll get the room.
Ah.
Um, that's five hours away.
Aw, would you like to cancel?
- Nope.
- No.
3:00 is fine.
- Morning.
Sean, is it?
- Good morning.
- You're Irish?
- I am.
Yeah.
I'm a little Irish.
Would you go way outta that?
And a very Irish name you have too.
Listen, Sean, I have a question for you.
If someone knows all your details, like your security number, your passwords, all that sort of malarkey, can they withdraw money - from your account online?
- Uh, no.
Online, we ask a series of questions that you would've answered when you first set it up.
Okay, so the person in question knows - f*cking everything about me.
- Oh, well, in that case, then yeah.
Okay, I need to withdraw the money in this account please, Sean.
All of it, please.
- Uh, when you say...
- Just, uh, just in here would be deadly.
Sean: Uh, I-I'm sorry, but we can't process that request at this time.
- Please...
- $1,000 is the most you can withdraw...
Please don't tell me I can't, Sean.
Me old flower, you are literally me last hope.
Uh, the amount in this account is what we would call a large sum of money...
Ah, come on now...
So if we were to release the funds, we would need to fill out a number of forms, my manager would have to come down and sign everything, and then you would have to come back later today.
Is there any fecking way at all I could talk to your manager ahead of time then, Sean?
Well, no, uh, because my manager takes my advice on his decision.
Fair enough.
- And you'll make sure it's safe until I come back?
- Yeah, absolutely.
Assuming you're approved.
Ruby: Four hours to go.
Ugh!
This is t*rture.
Billy: I know.
Ruby: So, if it was 17 years ago, what would you be doing right now?
Oh.
Uh, I'd have to go back to campus soon 'cause I have an essay due tomorrow for English 220 on As I Lay Dying.
But I don't wanna write it 'cause I'm in the city with my girlfriend.
Ruby: Have you even started the essay?
Billy: Oh no, f*ck no.
I haven't even started the book.
But my soon-to-be-qualified architect girlfriend's gonna help me with it, and, uh, she's...
valedictorian, so...
Oh man.
You even still smell like you.
- What do I smell like?
- I don't know.
I smelled it in Boots a few years ago.
I thought, "That's Ruby.
She must be right around that corner." And you weren't.
So it turns out, you smell like the moisturizer aisle in Boots.
What is Boots?
It's a...
a chain pharmacy.
There's one in every town.
Wow.
I mean, thank you very much.
sh*t.
Okay.
We have to go now.
Go where?
- Come on.
Come on.
- Billy...
Where are we going?
Tour Guide: On the right, we have the Wrigley Building, headquarters of the chewing gum empire.
- Modeled after...
- Ruby: Well, now I feel guilty.
-You love it?
All the buildings!
-Yes!
- It's so sweet of you.
- Yeah.
I wanna say something.
It's taken me, like, 14 hours to be able to say it...
15 years, 14 hours, but I'm finally ready to say it.
Here goes.
You were right.
There, I said it.
Don't make me tell you what about...
All right!
All right!
I'll tell you.
You were right about leaving me.
Never thought I'd be able to say that.
I always thought, well, she better have a pretty f*ckin' amazing career after what she did to that beautiful relationship of ours.
But you do.
You did it, so hats off to you.
Tour Guide: And now here on the right, the Tribune Tower, the preeminent example of Gothic architecture here in Chicago.
What makes a building Gothic?
You know, listens to sad music, wears black eyeliner...
When I first saw you, you were wearing all the black eyeliner.
I'm not an architect.
What?
I started the program and I just...
I couldn't do it.
It was my first job, and...
I started getting panic att*cks at the thought of going to work.
I kept trying to be the me I was...
when I was with you.
You always said I was great.
I was not great, and...
when they fired me, I pretended to go in.
By the time I stopped pretending...
I was in quite a mess.
And then I got married.
I guess at the time that I met him, I needed what he gave me.
You still with him?
Uh-huh.
Do you love him?
When we watch movies, he wants me to...
sit really still and quiet.
- You're kidding.
- Well, it sounds worse than it is.
- Although, you are, actually, quite annoying.
- What?
Yeah, you talking through a movie was one of our biggest fights.
I don't remember us fighting.
We fought...
all the time.
Laurence and I never fight, really.
But I argue with him inside my head.
And I always used to fantasize that I was two people.
The normal one that lived with him...
and then this fun person who went out...
and had sex...
and did all this drunken crazy sh*t like you were probably doing.
Probably.
Wait, why did you fantasize you were two people?
Why not just the fun one?
Well, I don't know.
And then, you know, the usual story.
You wake up and...
it's 12 years later.
I feel like you skipped quite a bit there.
We said no phones.
We did.
I'm an eejit.
I totally forgot.
- Turn it off.
Now.
- Okay.
I'm turning it off.
I'm sorry.
Well, go on then.
It's nearly hotel o'clock.
Oh.
It's two hours away.
- Let's get fancy clothes.
- What?
Let's get all dressed up in fancy clothes.
Well, I guess underwear would be a good idea.
What kind of underwear?
That's my business.
Hey!
- Ruby: This is nice.
- Billy: Ooh.
That is nice.
Oh!
Not that nice.
Wait, wait, wait!
Buy it.
It'll look great on you.
- It's $600.
- It's a special night.
We're in Chicago.
We're together.
This is a dream.
Okay, look, I'm gonna go away in search of man pants, and I'm not talking about trousers, so I'll see you back inside our hotel in 94 minutes.
Okay?
Billy!
My husband...
froze all my cards and I don't have an independent income.
It's okay.
- Whoa, whoa!
What is that?
- Just take that.
Buy yourself something nice with it.
That sounds like a dirty old man.
Buy yourself something or don't buy yourself something, but please take it because I know how sh*t it feels - to be stranded.
- Okay.
That's...
Th-thank you.
Whoa.
Bye!
Ooh!
Oh no!
Help!
- Woman: Are you stuck?
- Ruby: I'm so stuck!
Look, I think it goes like this.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
Just let me, okay?
Oh!
Oh!
Are my tits out?
Yeah, but you got great tits, so don't worry about it.
Free at last.
Oh, wait a second.
Oh...
Oh my God.
- I can't believe I just did that.
- No.
I mean, you can pull up your own trousers.
Thank you so much for helping me.
So embarrassing.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm Ruby.
- I'm Alice.
Hm.
Okay, this dress was disastrous on me, but you should try it.
- It's my size.
- Then try it on.
- Looks expensive.
- It is.
Well, no slip of material is worth this much money.
Exactly, which is why we have...
- What are you doing?!
- Shh!
Go get changed.
Hey.
I'm here at my own massive inconvenience, so where are you?
Ruby: I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I can't do it!
Alice: Yes, you can, yes, you can.
When I say run.
Ready?
Run!
Oh, God!
Oh my God, that was so exciting!
I stole a dress!
I stole sneakers!
I would just never do something like that!
Oh, I feel incredible!
I feel so...
Oh my, oh my God!
I've run away from my kids!
What?
I've run away with an ex who I haven't seen in forever!
And we've got this room at the Brock Hotel!
And I left my kids with my husband, and they're my babies, and I miss them so much!
But I just needed to see!
I needed to see!
You just left them for a guy?
D-don't judge me!
I know!
I'm awful!
But am I awful?
See, I don't know what I want.
- Well, what triggered it?
- Um...
My husband wanted me to wait in for his speakers.
Oh my God.
That's not a reason, is it?
Look, maybe if you're feeling that bad about it, maybe you should go home?
- You think?
- I do!
But, the day isn't over.
- The day?
- Well, we said we'd take a day to decide.
Oh!
Well, if it's just for a day...
- You think?
- Yeah, do it!
- Hey, you know what would be amazing?
- What?
For you to have a gorgeous bath in that beautiful bathroom.
Have you seen it?
- Now?
- Yeah!
Come have a look!
- Do I stink?
- No.
So, let me go down and get us some room service, and you can have a lovely bath, and that way, we won't have to stop all evening.
Room service comes to the room, doesn't it?
Not anymore.
They make you go and get it in these big hotels.
- Really?
- Yeah.
f*cking bullshit.
Um...
Okay, I'll see you in 20.
Mother...
c**t.
Stay outta my f*ckin' phone.
Man: that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Don't worry.
She doesn't mean it.
You found me!
Why the f*ck are you stalking me?
Listen, you've taken a couple of days off, but it's...
- It's not just a couple days.
- Then what the f*ck is it?
Did I not make it clear on the phone?
I'm not doing the tour.
Then you're gonna be facing some very serious lawsuits.
I will deal with that.
This is no longer your concern.
- What's this?
- It's 10 grand.
- Billy...
- It's, I-I thought...
- How can you be so...
- Shh...
Don't f*cking shush me.
Look, we're a team, all right?
We're not an equal team.
I do all the work, - you get all the praise, but we are a team.
- Wel...
Exactly.
The only good thing about this mess is that it made me realize I hate what we did together with all my heart.
You're brilliant.
You'll get another job.
Yeah, but that's just it, Billy.
I...
I won't get another job because all you ever made me -was your f*cking PA.
I won't be f*cking fine!
-You'll be fine...
I'm your COO in all but name.
I built this company from nothing with you, and I haven't even made any plans because of all the dedication that was required.
I haven't met anyone.
I haven't started a family.
Officially, I'm trained in nothing, so if I wanted cash, Billy, I'd want a hell of a lot more than this before I let you forget about me.
Just saying.
I'm leaving now.
Oh...
Do you trust me?
I think...
I deserve an explanation.
The moratorium's finally over.
f*ck the moratorium.
Okay.
Do you wanna be here with me, or is this about something else?
- You have a husband.
- I've been totally honest with you.
Is anyone totally honest?
Are you using me, Billy?
N...
No, I'm not using you.
Ask me anything.
I'll tell you the truth.
Are you in trouble?
Billy: Yeah.
- Are you a bank robber?
- It's my money.
Most people don't carry around a giant bag of their own money.
I know.
But I made a huge mistake, so...
Uh-uh.
I have this money because I f*cked up in my job.
People are very mad at me, and so I'm taking my money because I can't ever go back.
Everyone knows I'm full of sh*t...
- and I don't know what to do.
- What happened?
Three days ago, I'm at my biggest ever event.
Pre-sold, full capacity, hundreds of people with...
more shows pre-sold to thousands more.
And as part of my show, right in the beginning, I pull someone up from the crowd and they tell me their problem.
I give them a few words, and they're happy.
The crowd's happy, and we're off to a great start.
So, I pull someone up.
Nice woman, lovely smile.
Jackie.
And Jackie says that her beloved husband, Brad, d*ed a few weeks ago.
So, I go into condolence mode, but no.
She doesn't want that because the reason Brad d*ed, she says, is because he k*lled himself as a result of a mental breakdown shortly after coming off his meds.
And the reason Brad came off his meds, according to Jackie, is because I told him to.
- You didn't say that?
- Not literally, no.
- Not literally?
- And so, I started to sweat.
And I heard this voice...
It was my voice, but it was, like, disembodied, like it was somebody else's voice, you know?
And I think it said, "Do you know what, Jackie?
"You're right.
"Who am I to be preaching at you like this?
"I'm a 37-year-old man "without a life or a girlfriend "or even a proper home.
I'm a f*ckin' fraud, "and I am as guilty of your husband's death as if I had k*lled him myself." And then I told them all to go home.
And this was...
10 minutes into a three-day event, by the way, so that went down well.
And now, there are memes of me, and I think I'm just becoming like a bit of a...
- A laughingstock.
- Scapegoat.
- Um...
Yeah.
- Huh?
No, I guess laughingstock's about right.
If you want to go home, I'll understand.
But I'll tell you one thing, absolutely honestly.
I really don't want you to.
Ruby: Oh, Billy.
Oh, Billy.
Where are we?
Oh, my God.
- Laurence, I'm sorry.
- I don't want sorry.
Are you having another breakdown?
Are you following me?
My friend that I met at the department store...
- She's on the train.
- What does she look like?
Short, pretty, dark hair.
He has this big bag of money.
Ruby, you don't know him anymore.
I wasn't totally honest with you about what happened on stage.