03x06 - M-M-M-My Ramona

[bunniefuu]

Can I get my eggs scrambled, with bell peppers?

But not the red ones, just the orange ones.

And chopped scallions and Jack cheese sprinkled on top, not melted inside.

Just a hard-boiled egg for me.

The key with this cook is to keep it simple.

You know this isn't actually a restaurant, right?

Yeah, I think my Yelp review made that clear.

Guys, you won't believe what just happened.

A bird flew straight into the window, and he dropped right at my feet.

I thought he was dead, but then I heard a little...

Cheep, cheep.

Which I'm pretty sure is bird for, "Help me."

So, here, Mom.

Cheep, cheep.

Okay, let Dr. Fuller have a look-see.

Doesn't look like anything's broken.

I think he was just stunned.

I'm so proud of you for finding a shoe box and helping him.

Although I wish you had taken my new Jimmy Choos out first.

What a cute little fella.

I'm gonna name you Jasper, and train you to sit on my shoulder.

And we'll go everywhere together, and tell each other secrets, and be best friends forever.

Darn it. I came on too strong again, didn't 1?

Jackson, I love that you rescued that little guy.

That's exactly the kind of thing that I did when I was your age.

Now, I'm one of San Francisco's hottest vets.

Hot, like popular, or hot, like attractive?

Yes.

Hey.

Why don't you come to the pet clinic with me after summer school today?

You could be my assistant. You could see how we do things.

Who knows? Maybe animal care is in your blood.

Sure, Mom. I've always had a special connection with animals.

Right, Cosmo?

Wasn't that a beautiful moment?

It'd be a lot more beautiful with a hard-boiled egg in my mouth.

What a night.

What happened?

I had a dream somebody washed all my sweater vests in hot water.

And they shrunk, and the colors ran, and I had to go to school in a T-shirt!

What a nightmare.

But lucky for me, my best pal was there when I woke up. Thanks, Uni.

Hey, Mom.

Can you take me to the dance studio early today?

I need to work on my audition for SAFSPA.

Shouldn't you be working on your audition for the San Francisco School of the Performing Arts?

Mom, that's the same thing.

I'm not myself. I just lost a bird who was my best friend.

Ah!

Ramona, I have a wonderful surprise for you.

What is it?

I'm not going to spoil it.

But it's a new bedroom for you at my house.

Oh, rats. I spoiled it.

A new bedroom? Papa, that's awesome!

Why would she need a new bedroom, when she already has a beautiful one, right here, at this house?

You're always saying that Ramona should feel equally comfortable at my home.

I've never said that.

Yeah, that was me.

What are you arguing about?

I have no idea. I don't speak Spanish.

0/18, 018, goal...

It's very understated.

Yeah, like shabby chic, without the chic.

But what is this?

Whoa!

My own frozen yogurt machine?

With your name bedazzled, just like the young people enjoy.

Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. How boring.

And you forgot all about the toppings.

You're right. I did forget all about...

Nothing.

Kit Kats and Milk Duds and gummy bears, oh, my!

Did you notice this button?

What happens if I press it?

I do not want to spoil the surprise.

But your bedroom turns into a dance studio.

Push it! Push it!

My own dance studio!

I know what you're up to.

You're trying to bribe Ramona to spend more time at your house.

Your little plan is not gonna work. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Did somebody say "bubble"?

I don't ever want to leave this room!

This little piggy went to market.

This little piggy stayed home because he was agoraphobic.

This little piggy had roast beef, which made the neighbors feel uncomfortable because they were cows!

Here, Aunt Steph. Keep Uni company.

Come on, Jimmy. Let's get sandwiches.

Sandwiches? —Yeah, sandwiches.

That will go great with lunch.

Hi, horsey.

Aww... That's right.

She's a horsey with a horn. She's a unicorn.

Stephanie, we can't find the sandwiches.

Sorry, Tommy. I gotta go help the other babies.

Why are you looking in the freezer if you want a sandwich?

Because we want ice cream sandwiches.

Found it.

Right here in the box, with a picture of an ice cream sandwich. Duh!

Here you go, Max.

No!

No!

No!

What is... No!

Horsey poo—poo.

Tommy, what did you do?

No, Max, honey. It's not Tommy's fault. It's mine.

I let him play with Uni.

Are you crazy?

Tommy destroys everything he gets his hands on!

He's like Baby Hulk.

Sorry.

Thanks, Tommy.

I know you feel bad. As well you should.

But I forgive you.

Sort of. Not really. Too soon. Here's your truck back.

Max, I am so sorry.

Uni was my best friend in the whole world.

And now, she's gone forever.

Stephanie? Don't touch anything. This is a crime scene.

So, Jackson really rescued a bird, huh?

He did. I think I saw real veterinarian instincts.

If this turns into something, he could be a partner here someday.

And we would become Fuller, Fuller, & Harmon.

And then you'd call out, "Paging Dr. Fuller,” and we'd both be like, "Yes?"

And it would be so hilarious!

Imagine the wacky mix—ups.

I know.

Stop it! Stop it! We have to go to work.

Hey, guys.

Oh, Mylanta! My little boy is turning into a doctor!

Take it easy, Mom.

I'm sorry. I am just so proud.

You're turning into a doctor.

So, Jackson, today, we are starting with something really fun.

Did you know that animals get tartar on their teeth, just like people?

So, it's important to scrape it off at regular intervals.

And one way to find out if your dog is due for a cleaning, smell its breath.

Why don't you go ahead and get under the hood there?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he's due.

You are absolutely right.

Look at you, with your first diagnosis.

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Looking snazzy in your scrubs, Jackson Fuller.

Thanks, Janet.

You can handle phones? Me go and take a lunch break, now.

If that's okay with you, Dr. Jackson.

Take your time, Janet. You've earned it.

Being a doctor's fun.

It really is.

So, this is a tooth scaler.

We're gonna scrape and clean for about five minutes.

And then we're done?

No, then we move on to the next tooth.

That sounds important. I'll go get it.

Well, hurry back.

We're doing a neutering next. Chop, chop.

Oh, boy. I'll be back. Stat.

How do you know the word "stat"?

It was on a doctor show.

Sweetie, what's wrong?

He watches doctor shows.

Okay, right this way.

Just a little further.

Okay, open your eyes.

Ta-da!

It's a curtain.

Why did you make us cover our eyes?

You get a curtain, I get a curtain.

Ramona, prepare to have your wildest dream come true.

No way.

Harry Styles is tied up behind there?

No, and now, I'm gonna have to read your diary.

Anyway...

Ta-da!

Oh, my goodness.

It's a real-live My Little Pony.

I've wanted a My Little Pony ever since I was a my little girl.

0/6, 0/8, goal...

It is so puny. It's a puny pony.

Don't you just love her?

Can I name her Buttercup?

The guy in the van called her "Dave," but I don't care.

How dare you, trying to bribe Ramona with this tiny beast?

Me? You turned her bedroom into a fro—yo disco.

Guys, please don't fight over me.

Good idea.

Let's take Buttercup to Ghirardelli Square and get her some chocolate.

I read somewhere that horses love chocolate.

Or that it kills them.

We'll google it on the way.

Forget that pint-sized pony.

I will get you a real mustang that gets 21 mpg city, 30 highway.

Your mileage may vary. See your local dealer today.

I can top that. Pack your bags, Ramona.

You, me, and Buttercup are going to Paris.

We'll ride her straight up the Eiffel Tower.

Think, Fernando, think.

Ramona, would you like an Academy Award?

You can get me one?

Yes, just ignore the words "Adrien Brody."

Come on, guys. Why are you acting like this?

Because when your father built you such a beautiful room, I was afraid you'd start spending all your time over there.

My hope was that if Ramona spent more time with me, then you would spend more time with us.

Is it so wrong to want my two special ladies with me under one roof?

That's so sweet.

But I'm a teenager, you guys.

I wanna spend less time with both of you.

Aww...

But it's great you guys love me so much, that you would do all of this for me.

Even if you do go a bit overboard.

Well, that's what we do. We're not normal.

And who wants to be a normal family, anyways, with their white picket fences and non-stop flossing?

You're right. We're not normal. But I love that about us.

Me, too.

And I love that we dance to the b*at of our own bongos.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Frozen yogurt pony dance party?

Hey, Max.

Feeling any better, buddy?

Not really.

I'm spending time with my emotional support animal.

But I have too many emotions to support.

Well, I have something that I'm hoping will make you feel better.

I know you have money problems, so, my expectations are pretty low.

I have been waiting more than 30 years to find the right person to give this to.

And the right person is you.

So, I present to you...

Mr. Bear.

The Mr. Bear? This guy's a legend!

And now, he's all yours.

He's definitely cute.

The cutest ever.

But I have some concerns.

I don't get the outfit.

Is he a detective? Does he sell insurance?

Well, he's definitely a detective.

If he ever sold insurance, I never knew about it.

But Mr. Bear helped me through some pretty tough times.

Sounds like he's your Uni.

Yeah. He was.

I can't possibly take him from you.

Thank God. This was k*lling me.

Max. Wait until you see what's in the backyard.

It is gonna blow your mind.

Okay, you're taking too long.

Look, a real-life unicorn.

Oh, please. That's Buttercup in a unicorn costume.

Thanks for trying, but I'm just not in a happy place.

Where did you find this horse?

He was just dancing upstairs at the Gibbler house.

Fine, don't tell me.

Good afternoon, Harmon—F uller Pet Care.

You've got the pet, we've got the vet. Please hold.

Good afternoon, Harmon—F uller Pet Care.

If your patient's furry, there's no need to worry. Please hold.

Hey, Jackson. You're missing all the fun.

We got a cat with a nasty little rash. You've gotta check it out.

I would, but I just put on a fresh pot of coffee, I got three people on hold, and I'm updating your patient files.

Here's your receipt, Mrs. Behar.

And would Mitzi like a gluten—free snack?

Yes, she would.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye, now.

Hey, isn't Janet back yet?

You know, she is such a sweetie. I gave her the rest of the day off.

Without checking with us?

Come on, Mom. She works really hard.

Plus, it's her birthday. You sort of forgot.

Wait, what? She never said anything.

You have to talk to people.

I talk to people.

What's her husband's name?

She's married?

I should probably... So sorry to keep you.

Tell you what, let me move some things around, and I can squeeze Mr. Whiskers in at 3:00.

Wow. It's like he was born with a headset.

Yeah, but that's not the reason I brought him down here.

Have you tried this coffee?

This is frickin' delicious. How does he do it?

It's a dash of cinnamon.

I was excited at the idea that he might follow in my footsteps.

Baby, I think it's natural for any parent to feel that way, but I gotta say, I think this kid has found his calling.

I wouldn't go that far.

Whoa! That is frickin' delicious!

Hey, Max.

Not sure if you're gonna like this, but I thought I'd give it one more sh*t.

Uni.

You're alive!

I tried my best to patch her up. Maybe you can call her "Franken—-Uni."

You know what? I like her.

She's got character.

And a zipper for hiding things.

Really? You're okay with this?

Looks aren't important. It's what's on the inside that counts.

Speaking of what's on the inside, if she's a little lumpy, it's because I ran out of stuffing, and had to use an oven mitt.

Thanks, Aunt Stephanie. I'm sorry I was such a downer today.

It's okay. You went through a lot.

So, does this mean you forgive me?

I forgive you. And so does Uni.

Come here, kid.

Hey, what's this patch?

It's from an old jacket.

Who's Bon Jovi?

He's a cowboy. On a steel horse he rides.

Trust me, it's cool. If you're my age.

Which, if anybody asks, is 26.

Twenty-seven?

Definitely under 30.

So, Ramona got a pony, a new bedroom, and a frozen yogurt shop?

And Tommy k*lled Uni, but I brought her back to life.

Just another Fuller Friday.

It's Monday.

Good. I thought I missed the whole week.

You know, for a minute, I let myself imagine that Jackson wanted to be a veterinarian.

I got so excited. I've wanted to be a vet since I was ten years old.

Well, if I know anything about human behavior...

Quick. Somebody else speak.

Go ahead, Kimmy.

No, Stephanie was right. I had nothing.

Honey, I'm home.

Oh, man. What a day at the office. Am I right?

Hey, Mom, I took the liberty of ordering Janet an ergonomic chair.

She's had terrible back pain ever since she slipped in the supermarket.

She did what?

Yeah. She couldn't play the cello for a whole month.

Janet plays the cello?

Beautifully.

And by the way, her name is Janice.

It is?

Nah. I'm just messing with you.

Anyway, I've been thinking about my future, and I don't want to answer phones and make coffee.

Oh, good.

I just wanna make coffee.

Oh, good.

I wanna be a barista.

You know, steaming the milk, microwaving the brownies, writing the names on the cups.

It's not gonna be easy, but nothing worthwhile is. You taught me that.

Technically, I did teach him that.

Hey, Max. Where's Uni?

She's upstairs.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, but you know what I realized?

I didn't have Uni all day, but the world didn't end.

I was okay on my own.

So, I decided Uni should live on the shelf.

Unless I really need her.

Wow. Sounds like you're really growing up.

Yep.

And it never would have happened without Aunt Stephanie's carelessness.

You're welcome, Max.

You know who else is growing up? My Ramona.

Turns out she's becoming a happy, well-adjusted young adult.

Maybe, too well-adjusted.

What kid doesn't take bribes? I'll call a therapist in the morning.

Wait. You're concerned that Ramona is too normal?

Hey, guys.

I'm gonna head over to Papa's house to watch Mean Girls and eat carrots.

I don't think you have anything to worry about.