04x06 - Domo Arigato

[bunniefuu]

♪

[TRADITIONAL JAPANESE MUSIC PLAYING]

[DRUM BOOMING]

[SPEAKING JAPANESE]

[CHANTING IN JAPANESE]

♪

It's been a long time.

I didn't realize that you
were on the judges' panel.

In fact, I'm the head judge.

So you had better behave, you bad dog.

Oh.

Tateo-san.

- Thomas Pembridge.
- Oh.

Listen, I'm a huge fan,

particularly of the Goldberg Variations.

Oh, thank you, Thomas-san.

How is the Queens Phil?

Oh, uh, what's the Japanese for apeshit?

[LAUGHS]

So, are you ready to be judged?

- Uh, no, not really.
- [CHUCKLES]

Hailey Rutledge.

Yuki Nakamura.

- Daisuke Ueno. Hi.
- Hi.

So, what just happened in there?

Oh, the priests asked
the gods of the shrine

to bless the competition.

Cool.

Ah, I'm really nervous.

This is my first time competing.

Oh. It's my th.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I came in third once in
Rotterdam two years ago.

Yuki came in second.

HAILEY: Well, that's really great.

Not as great as winning.

The last guy who won this
is running the Antwerp Phil.

[WOMAN SPEAKS JAPANESE]

- Do you know him?
- Oh, please.

Everyone knows she knows him.

Looks like someone has
a pretty good head start.

Sorry. Who are you?

This way, please.

- [WOMAN SPEAKING JAPANESE]
- Look at me.

[PHOTOGRAPHERS CLAMORING]

[WHISPERING]: Excuse me.

[LAUGHS]

The, uh, the billionaire elf has arrived.

How do I look?

Oh, you know how you look, you vixen.

- Oh, God, what the hell is she doing here?
- What?

- Hi.
- Hello.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, Master DeSousa.

Fukumoto-san.

Hi. Hey. Hello, Betty Cragadale.

- Maestro.
- Hi. Hello.

I have something for you.

Mozart's Requiem.

Well, I was thinking
about the th, you know?

- You know, yon-ju banme symphony?
- Yes.

I like it, I like it. It's really good, no?

- Yes.
- Why don't we do that? Why don't we do that?

Oh, I love the th, but
we're doing the Requiem.

Okay, well, I...

but he didn't finish the Requiem...

Because he d*ed.

This is a new version, completed
by a very special composer.

Okay.

Okay, well, I'll take a look at it,

- but... okay.
- Okay, let's go, let's go.

Konnichiwa.

GLORIA: Oh, what a pleasant surprise.

Oh, you're telling me.

I get a call asking what I'm
doing for dinner the next day.

Next thing you know, I'm on a private jet.

And when I say "private,"
I'm the only one on it.

Good. Good. Because we're going
to need every bit of influence

to get him to sign that
check, so we can break ground.

Absolutely. In fact, Fugu
and I have been talking about

some fresh ideas for the new building.

"Fugu"?

- [APPLAUSE]
- BETTY: Ooh, ooh, enough shop talk.

Fugu's about to give a speech, I think.

- Oh.
- Ah.

FUKUMOTO: Yesterday,

we awarded scholarships to
the Fukumoto Musical Achievers,

the best music students in Japan.

Today, the Fukusoft
Conducting Competition begins.

And for a special concert,

I am bringing the legendary
Maestro Rodrigo DeSousa...

[APPLAUSE]

...the world's foremost
living interpreter of Mozart,

to my hometown of
Sapporo to conduct this...

[MOUTHING]

...a new restoration of the
score to Mozart's Requiem,

where we will unveil a plan

not only to keep classical music alive,

but to make it truly immortal.

What the f*ck is he talking about?

It's already immortal.

Shh.

_

[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]

[GRUNTING, SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]

What the hell is that?

[MAN CONTINUES YELLING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hai Lai.

- [SHOUTS]
- You're ready for this.

Okay? You've trained and practiced,

- you've practiced and trained. Okay?
- Yes.

- You're...
- You're actually making me more nervous.

- All right, okay. Okay, fine.
- So, maybe...

you should just let me take it from here.

Are you sure you don't want me
there for any mortal support?

- No, I love all of your mortal support.
- Okay.

But I want the judges
looking at me, not you.

- Okay. Yeah, okay.
- All right. Well. Come here, come here.

- Oh, I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you.

You know, it's gonna be really good.

- Thank you. Hey.
- I'm so proud of you.

Yuki, Daisuke.

- Hi, hi.
- Maestro.

- Yes.
- An honor to meet you.

No, it is an honor to meet you. Yes.

Any words of advice?

Yeah, just go there,
and-and really enjoy it.

You know? Just go for it,
because all of you guys,

you're gonna be conducting
amazing orchestras one day,

and then it's just gonna
go downhill from there.

- Okay. All right.
- Yeah, but it's just really,

the world is really bad right now.

- Hai Lai. I'm gonna disappear, okay?
- Yes? Okay.

So I'll see you...

- Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
- Yes. Okay.

Very excited for you, very happy.

- Thank you. All right.
- Very happy. All right? Okay. Yeah.

Don't be nervous.

Just a little.

- Right?
- Whoa.

Hey. Hi. Just...

- It's an honor to meet you.
- It's okay, it's okay.

[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

Are you giving her the evil eye?

No. No, I just had a little itch.

♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

[MUTTERING]

- ♪
- Remember the time

I handcuffed you naked to the Steinway

in the concert hall in Helsinki?

Hmm. Vaguely.

I think I had the bruises
for three months after.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[BATON CLATTERS, MUSIC CONTINUES]

[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

♪

FUKUMOTO: As you can see,
the theme of the campus

is Buddhism. I-I really like Buddhism

because I think it's the closest thing

to an AI simulation.

Both my parents were
music teachers and poor.

Uh, my father told me to use music

as a way to learn mathematics,

which is why I got into
computer science and engineering.

And I started playing the French horn

and my mom gave me this
advice, "Never date an oboist."

'Cause they carry knives.

Yeah, to cut the reeds.

So, you've heard that one before?

I've heard all of them, man. Yes, yes.

So, why didn't you want to
go to your competition today?

Oh, I mean, it's just the first round.

Besides, I am just too
excited to introduce you

to our composer.

"Composer." Who is this mystery composer?

Ah, well, here he comes now.

Maestro, allow me to introduce you

to the composer who wrote the
completed Mozart's Requiem.

This is WAM.

WAM: Maestro Rodrigo, what a great honor.

[LAUGHING]

- Hi.
- WAM: Hi.

What's your name?

My name is WAM.

It stands for Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

It's programmed with all of the work

that Mozart has written, as well
as the recording and videotapes

of every single performance
ever done of Mozart's work.

Most importantly, WAM can learn.

It has a proprietary
deep learning algorithm

which allows it to make connections

that even we can't see.

That's why it was able to
complete Mozart's Requiem

so perfectly.

"Perfect." Come on, don't...

Only Mozart can be perfect.

WAM: Well, have you
looked at it yet, Maestro?

Oh, yes, WAM, yes. I-I...

I glanced at it.

It is how Mozart would've finished it

had he not d*ed.

I'm pleased you will conduct it,

after I conduct a short piece.

What, does he conduct?

- Just a little.
- I'm learning.

I would like to learn from you.

In particular, I would like to learn

about what you call "the blood."

Oh, no. No. The blood?

You... no, I'm not gonna
tell you about the blood,

because you have no blood, WAM.

How-how am I ever gonna do that?

FUKUMOTO: Well, we'd like you
to do a little introduction

before the concert.

Hello, I am the famous
Maestro Rodrigo DeSousa.

And I come here to introduce
to you the technology

that will kick some ass
and keep music alive...

No. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

...Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

Well, this little fellow

can compose and conduct
with the best of us!

He's super, super, super, super,

super, super smart!

No, no, no. No. I never said that.

I never said anything
like that. I never did.

No, you didn't. T-This
is a-a CG, uh, simulation

of a, you know, an idea
of what you might say.

Now, M-Maestro. I'm not asking
you to sing and dance for tacos.

You and I both want the same thing.

We want to keep beautiful
music alive forever.

And the way the human race is going,

I think WAM is our best sh*t.

Thank you.

OFFICIAL: Rutledge.

Hailey Rutledge.

Ooh!

What the...?

Have you dropped something?

I dropped an Englishman, years ago.

Well, you're not bloody
well picking him up now.

[WHISPERS]: She memorized it.

Mm-hmm.

[MUSIC BEGINS PLAYING]

♪

Maestro.

Your brainwave activity is staggering.

Are you thinking about the blood?

I'm actually thinking about my girlfriend.

I don't know how she's doing, you know?

Hey, WAM, can-can I tell you a secret?

- Yes.
- Come, come, come.

Let's cut the red tape, okay?

- Let's cut the red tape.
- What red tape?

The f*cking red tape.
Come on, let's just cut it.

Do you want to know about the blood?

Yes, please.

I would like to know about the blood.

The blood is love, cabrón.

I'm sorry. I have to go
see my girlfriend right now.

I'm sorry, Mr. Fuku.
I have to go, because...

my girlfriend, you know? I don't
know how she's doing right now.

She's... You know, man.

See you soon.

- Ciao, WAM.
- WAM: Good-bye.

That's only half of the data.

Maestro!

GIRLS: Sign, sign, sign, kudasai!

Oh, uh... uh... Oh.

Okay.

Wait, Gloria.

You need to take your shoes off.

Oh, thank God.

- Hold this.
- Oh, dear God...

[GROANS] Oh, my God.

Oh, God. Okay.

- That's good.
- Lord.

- There you go.
- What? What the hell...?

[SPEAKS JAPANESE]

Konnichiwa.

[SPEAKS JAPANESE]

Oh, sorry, darling.

Oh, no, it's okay.

Well, here's to the man of the hour.

Fuku-san.

To learning music.

To teaching music.

To playing music.

And to the new hero of
the New York Symphony!

Kanpai!

ALL: Kanpai!

Kanpai!

GLORIA: Kanpai.

What the f*ck am I doing in Tokyo?

You're about to win a
conducting competition, Hai Lai.

What the f*ck am I doing in Tokyo?

You are securing a
massive amount of financing

and you are conducting a
piece cowritten by an AI

and you are supporting me.

Well, that last thing is the
only thing I really care about.

I feel weird that I'm staying
in a super, super nice hotel

and that everyone else is just
staying at a super nice hotel.

Mmm. Yeah, you're having the...

and, yeah, the bourgeois' guilt.

Let's go out.

- No...
- Let's get out right now, yes, yes!

- Okay? It's Tokyo, come on.
- [LAUGHS]

It's good, come on. Come on.

- There's so many good places here.
- Okay.

♪

I can't believe that
they have an entire floor

for classical music.

Well, of course, Hai Lai.

I mean, these Japanese people, you know,

they-they do things really good, you know?

Like... you know?

♪

I got the, you know, genealogy thing back.

I'm related to Tolstoy

and to Meryl Streep.

Yeah, that was delicious.

What number are we on now?

Nine courses so far.

Oh, great!

Only nine to go.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Hmm.

Maestro Pembridge,

is that the, uh, World Culture Prize

in Memory of His Imperial
Highness Prince Takematsu?

Yeah, thank you for noticing.

Yes, I like to call it my bling.

Well, I've never seen a recipient

actually wear the medallion.

Oh.

Well, thank you.

Oh. Gah...

- sh*t.
- Oh.

Let me help you.

Oh.

Mmm. Thank you.

Oh... Here, let me get the... the next one.

- Oh. Thank you.
- [SHRIEKS]

- Oh, dear! Oh, I'm...
- Oh, my gosh.

I'm so sorry.

You're gonna love this place.

It's incredible. It's only
for listening to music, okay?

No talking. All right?

- Just listening.
- [HAILEY CHUCKLES]

No talking.

[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[WHISPERS]: Arigatou gozaimasu.

[WHISPERING]: Maestro.

Hey, congrats on making the cut.

Oh, thank you. Did you?

We both did.

Congratulations.

Dozo, dozo.

I don't want to do an autograph right now.

Hey.

What's it say?

DAISUKE: "Rodrigo is dead.

I know the truth."

All these people saying that I'm dead.

But what is this "Rodrigo is dead," thing?

Why? Why? Why?

Some crazy people believe
the real Rodrigo is dead.

Replaced by a shinigami, a death demon.

They can tell because he cut his hair.

- Oi...
- Oh, my God.

It was a style choice.

You. Sumimasen.

Hey. Hey. I am not dead.

I am not dead! Not dead.

Okay? So...

- [STABS]
- [HAILEY SCREAMS]

- Oh, my God.
- [GRUNTING]

[SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]

Ow! Why?

HAILEY: It's a baton. Okay.

- Okay.
- What?

He stabbed me with a baton, Hai Lai. Why?

He said, uh, you broke his heart.

Why is Rodrigo gone?

Wait, but I'm not gone!

I am not gone! I'm here!

♪

♪ Darling, I'm crazy ♪

The song you choose

shows you what is in your heart.

What's in your heart?

Well...

- Ah!
- Oh, you're ready to sing!

- Fukumoto-san, I will sing...
- Fukumoto.

...if you will make your
first donation this week.

Oh, I had planned on it.

But are you really that good of a singer?

She's f*cking brilliant. Brilliant!

Oh, shut up.

[SONG ENDS]

[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

[SPEAKING JAPANESE]

[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

♪

♪ You keep thinking you've
got something for me ♪

♪ Something you call love ♪

♪ But confess ♪

Thomas.

♪ You've been messin' where ♪

♪ You shouldn't have been messin' ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ And now someone else
is gettin' all your best ♪

♪ These boots are made for walking ♪

♪ And that's just what they'll do ♪

♪ One of these days these boots
are gonna walk all over you ♪

[CHEERING]

Hold onto your hat, Fugu.

It's about to start wailing.

- Give me that.
- [STAMMERING]: No...

Oh, I'll find my own.

♪ You keep lying when you ought to be ♪

♪ Truthing... ♪

- Okay, buddy.
- ♪ You keep losing ♪

♪ When you ought to not bet... ♪

Oh! [LAUGHS]

♪ You keep saming when you
ought to be changing... ♪

Yeah!

♪ What's right is right ♪

♪ But you ain't been right yet ♪

[LAUGHTER]

♪ These boots are made for walking ♪

♪ And that's just what they'll do ♪

♪ One of these days these boots ♪

♪ Are gonna walk all over you. ♪

[LAUGHTER, CHEERING]

[APPLAUSE]

♪

[b*at PLAYING, VOICE SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE]

RODRIGO: Maestro.

- Ah. Hey. Hey.
- Ah. [CHUCKLES]

Hermano.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Ah, I couldn't sleep.

Oh, neither could I. Yeah.

Gloria wants me dead because
a fling from years ago

- was playing footsie with me.
- [LAUGHS]

I mean, I-I... quite literally.

Because nobody wears shoes here, do they?

- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, man.

Well, at least you don't have to conduct

a robot Requiem tomorrow.

A what? A robot what? Requiem?

- Yeah.
- What's-what the...?

- It's this... artificial...
- What?

...intelligence that, you
know, finished Mozart's Requiem.

What?

Yeah, it's like artificial
sweetener, you know?

- It's... I don't understand.
- Ah...

It's funny they never talk
about artificial stupidity.

[LAUGHS]

And I don't want to do it.
I don't want to do it, but...

you know, if we don't do it,
then we don't get the money

for the new building for the
orchestra, you know? And...

Ah, the travails of leading
a cultural institution.

Listen, matey.

I know a nice quiet place

where I like to go when
I'm stuck here in Tokyo.

It's a good place to think.

[ARCADE GAME PLAYING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]

If you were me, would you do the Requiem?

If I was you, I would sleep

with as many beautiful
women as I possibly could.

Yeah. I-I know, I know.
I want-I want, yeah.

I'm on that. But-but, would you...

would you do the Requiem?

I don't know, I mean...
'Cause Mozart told me not to.

What? Who?

- Mozart.
- I-I... No, it's the noise behind.

What?

Mozart told me not to!

Oh. Well. In that case.

That settles it.

- Ah!
- Ah!

RODRIGO: Konnichiwa gozaimasu.

Thank you so much for being here.

My name is Rodrigo DeSousa,

and I am very excited to, uh...

[STAMMERS]

You're gonna see a super,
super, super, super...

It's a very... historic day

for classical music.

Or, as I like to call it, "music."

You're gonna see a robot conduct.

He might be great, or he might be terrible.

- [THOMAS CHUCKLES]
- He might be the future,

or he might be just the nightmare

of somebody... very hungover.

Maybe. Anyways.

His name is WAM.

Not in tribute to the great George Michael.

No, it is in the tribute
to the great Wolfgang,

who... I don't know where he is.

Nobody knows, man. I
could-I could really...

use some derision right now.

He is maybe stoned?

No, he's just generally strange.

Can I quote you?

No.

Anyways. Here it is.

WAM!

[MUSIC BEGINS PLAYING]

Oh, sh*t.

It's actually not bad.

I bet I could outdrink it.

- This is f*cking creepy.
- I know.

GLORIA: Yeah. [CLEARS THROAT]

Oh, Jesus.

- I think he heard me.
- [LAUGHS]

So there's really nothing

between you and that awful violinist?

Oh, Christ, no.

FUKUMOTO: Maestro.

There will always be a place for
human conductors and composers.

Even when with a hundred
WAMs in a hundred symphonies

across the world.

I'm curious to see how...

how a robot audience will react.

[MUSIC STOPS]

[APPLAUSE]

WAM: Maestro, you're up next.

Are you running through the score?

Any questions?

RODRIGO: No, man.

No, I'm just waiting for
Mozart to come and talk to me.

Good job up there, man.

- Good?
- Hmm.

I was flawless.

Yes, you were flawless.
Yeah. You were, perhaps,

a little bit too perfect, you know?

And do-do you know what
made the music beautiful?

The orchestra.

They w... I mean, they
were covering up for you.

They were making you look good.

Why would they do that?

Because they're professionals,

because that's what we do. You know?

We take care of each other,

we-we help each other out.

All the time, always.

Let's face it, man.

You would never go past the first round

of the competition, ever.

You are saying that

because you feel threatened by me.

[LAUGHS]: Threatened by you?

- Yes.
- No.

No, I don't feel threatened by you.

I feel threatened by... by Beethoven,

by Mozart.

I actually feel strong panic right now,

because music has stopped talking to me.

Like... at all.

You know?

I think that Wolfgang
would have never finished

- the Requiem the way you did.
- He would have.

No.

You, you know very little
about Mozart, Maestro.

You can't process data.

Most humans can't.

Well, you know what most robots can't do?

No. Please tell me.

- Do you really want to know?
- Tell me.

Most robots can't do
this. Do you want to know?

I do want to know. What
can't most robots do?

- Swim.
- Interesting.

And... wha..?

♪