04x09 - East/West

[bunniefuu]

Six f*cking hours!

I had to piss in my shoe!

Where are we?

Pluto.

So tell me again.

He came to see you.

He needed g*ns.

They're gonna k*ll all of youse.

You know that, right?

Calamita.

Tell me again, or I'll tie you to the bumper and you can run.

J-jesus...

He-he came looking for some hardware...

Uh, r*fles, pistols...

Said he was hitting the road, he had to k*ll some people in kansas.

Kansas is a state.

Like I said, liberty or-or liberal.

Who has he got to k*ll?

I don't know.

A swede?

An irishman?

Now, sh*t, boy, can I get out of the damn trunk?

Don't!

No!

God!

You ever meet you a korean?

Say again?

I ain't never met me no korean.

But truman says I ought to send my junior over there to sh**t some.

Met a lady from thailand once.

I'm not sure what you'd call her.

Radio said blue skies, but...

My hips are screaming rain.

You seen an italian fella come through here?

Real skeletal-looking.

Wears a red coat?

Mostly we get farmers round this way, folks on their way to salvation methodist or consecrated lutheran.

Em and henry give ten percent off all soda pop if you pay with a bible quote.

This'd be yesterday, maybe this morning.

Can't be that far ahead of me.

Hey, hey!

Hey!

What are we stopping for?

Let's go!

Hey!

Hey!

Son...

Ain't my business, but are you at all concerned about that ruckus in your trunk?

Let's go!

- Nope.

- Hey!

Don't leave me in here!

Well, we the only filling station for a good hop, so if that fella's coming this way, we gonna see him by and by.

Mind if I pull around back and wait?

Well, em and henry are at church.

Like I said, they real religious.

Don't usually see 'em till evenings on sundays.

Still, ain't supposed to dawdle with strangers.

I could help you get these walls painted.

If by "help," you mean buy me a nehi and pull me up a chair while you work, then you're on.

Hey!

Where'd you go?

Come on.

We got work to do.

Well, what kind of work?

Gonna paint this building.

Go right ahead, your majesty.

You boys really think you can run things?

White man called my daddy "boy" once.

He ended up with wooden teeth, just like george washington.

Yeah, yeah.

Personally...

I'm all for you coloreds breaking even.

I mean, why should the bosses get all the fat, when we're the ones down in the mud - scrounging for dimes?

- Oh.

So you're one of us now?

No, I'm not saying that.

Just...

Say there's a turtle.

Turtle?

Hmm, king turtle.

He rules over everything he sees.

Except he's a turtle, so he's real low - to the ground.

- I'm gonna put you back in the trunk.

No, no.

Hear me out.

So, this king turtle, he calls two of his guys and he tells them to climb on top of each other, you know, like a ladder.

And he climbs on their backs.

So now he can see further but still just, like, 50 feet.

So he calls even more turtles.

And one by one, they get on top of each other.

And up he goes.

Till all the turtles are in a pile.

And old king turtle, oh, he can see for miles.

Except...

The guys on the bottom...

Are getting crushed.

And I'm saying...

Today we are engaged in the final all-out battle between communistic atheism and democratic christianity.

The modern champions of communism have selected this as the tim.

And, folks, the chips are down.

They are truly down.

"when a great democracy is destroyed, "it will not be from enemies from without, but rather because of enemies from within." I have here in my hands a list of 205 names that were made known to the secretary...

how much farther?

Hours, not days.

What is it?

Someplace to kip.

Couple of nights.

Get our heads on straight.

(Istling) what's that smell?

Fresh air.

What does it say?

Sleep with one eye open.

Huh?

We'll be needing a room for a night or two.

Plymouth rock or sutter's mill?

What?

Things work a specific way around here, so I got to figure out where to put you.

Plymouth rock or sutter's mill?

Well, that's in california, yeah?

Mccarthy or eisenhower?

Oh, we don't follow politics.

Eisenhower it is.

Uh, lastly...

Old testament or new?

Which is the one where you get to be born again?

That'd be the new.

West side it is.

Any bags?

No.

- He your valet?

- We take care of each other.

Hmm.

The sisters don't much care for colored folk.

- "sisters" as in nuns?

- No.

As in sisters.

Picola and iola crumb.

They the owners.

And like I said, they don't care much for coloreds.

I understand.

Come on, kid.

- We'll find someplace else.

- Now hold on.

Didn't say they had a rule.

Just said they don't care for us.

Steer clear of them, you'll be right as rain.

Come on.

I'll give you the tour.

This is the sitting room, for board games and conversating.

Mm-hmm.

What's with the line everyplace?

Well, now, the sisters, they ain't got along since the dust bowl days.

But neither will renounce their claim to the premises, so I ask y'all questions, and given your answers, you either go west or east.

Why east or west?

Why any one thing or the other?

Just is the way it is.

This is you and the boy.

Hey.

Bathroom's down the hall.

Towels in the armoire.

You need anything else, we probably ain't got it, but it don't hurt to ask.

- I'm hungry.

- Well, they put supper on the table at 5:00 each night.

Fish sticks, maybe even some potatoes.

Green beans from a can.

It ain't much, but it's better than boiling your shoes.

I call this one.

I saw some books in the den.

You can read up here till I get back.

Where are you going?

If we're gonna hide and stay hidden, we need money.

It so happens I laid some away in town.

I've got to retrieve it, alone.

But-but there's a hospital man next door, all bandaged up.

A man's a man.

If you can't run, just do like we practiced.

Thigh, stomach, chest.

- Can't I ride with you?

- No.

Remember, if I don't come back, I'm dead or in jail.

sh*t.

You can see in here, this is frost-resistant, so you don't get it on your food.

Let me tell you a little about kenmore...

I'll be with you in a moment, pal.

Now, kenmore is all about freedom from your cooking cares.

- I'll have to ask my husband.

- Oh, all right.

- You want to take a catalog, ma'am?

- No.

All right.

Have a good day.

Happy new year, uh, in anticipation.

What happened to the feed store?

Well, now, old miss gingerly, you know, her three boys all passed in the great w*r, so, desolate with grief, she, uh, turned over operations to her brother virgil, and he promptly gambled away the family fortune.

There, uh, used to be a wall here.

Well, yeah...

Yes, sir, yeah, yeah, there did.

Can I interest you in a dinette set?

Maybe a "dee-van" for your boudoir?

You the new owner?

Yes, sir.

Beachwood indiana.

Me and my brother haskell, the younger, we, uh, bought the place at auction.

Oh, now...

just when we was starting to hit it off.

Uh, back in a jiff.

T.

Woodman catalog store.

Yes, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

You, too.

All righty, then.

Hey, come on.

Come on, girl.

Good girl.

Rabbit?

Is that your name?

Wait.

Wait up!

Come on, girl.

Hey.

Come on, girl.

Wait.

Wait.

Well, now we got a secret, you and me.

How's that?

The sisters can't abide spirits of any kind.

Alcohol, I'm saying.

I know what spirits are.

East or west?

Huh?

Oh.

West?

You best step to this side of the line, then, in case they're watching.

Hunk swindell's the name.

Aluminum siding's the game.

That your canine?

I found her upstairs.

Yeah.

Ask me a question.

- What?

- Dale carnegie.

How to win friends and influence people.

"six ways to make people like you." number one... become genuinely interested in other people.

So ask me a question.

Um...

You got any food?

Make 'em laugh.

Yeah, that's rule number nine.

Hard to dislike a man what's got a funny bone.

Me...

I got two, plus the gift of gab, ever since I was a boy.

But it wasn't till I found mr.

Carnegie that I really learned to channel my thoughts into a strategy for success.

Who's this now?

Ain't got a name, I don't think.

I'm just calling him "boy." you ain't from texas by chance?

No, sir.

Oil fields as far as the eye can see, I heard.

Instant millions.

All you got to do is get off the train.

- That's where I'm headed.

- Yeah.

My new friend's got a bit of gold rush fever.

Better than knocking on doors with nothing but a briefcase and a smile.

Ain't nothing in this world impossible if'n a man's got the right attitude.

Said stay in the room.

But the dog got out.

Whose dog?

Mine.

We've had a setback.

Things ain't the way I left 'em, which...

Only a fool thinks the world's gonna stay exactly as it was.

So there's that.

But I worked the problem, and I think...

I got a solve.

I think she likes me.

I'm glad you're having such a nice day, but I don't want you wandering the place while I'm gone.

Last thing we need is unwanted attention.

Come and get it while it's hot!

Wait.

That...

hey.

Stay.

My name's hunk swindell.

This is hickory j.

Milch.

And you're...

- Uh, pastor roanoke.

- Pastor roanoke.

Very good, and, uh, this is...

No coloreds at the table.

What?

I said, no coloreds at the table.

My side, my rules.

- Sit down, sweetie.

- What?

Hey, glad you could join us.

We were just going around the room, doing introductions.

Uh, you met myself and young hickory.

Uh, on the east side, there's pastor roanoke - and his wife.

- Mother.

Mother.

And across from them, uh, that's the major, hero of wounded knee, and his...

Uh, millie is my niece.

So now you know who we are.

Uh, the name's duffy.

And this is my ward...

Colt.

- What?

- Said he's an irishman, and the n*gro is his ward.

Say the blessing already.

Food's getting cold.

Almighty father, we pray thee, sanctify this food that it may strengthen us to do and endure thy holy will.

Here's a good one that can't fail.

Lord jesus, hear our prayers and bless us with thy bounty in this life and the next, for where there is risk, there is always reward.

Amen.

What kind of cockamamie blessing is that?

It's a prayer for prosperity.

Son, that ain't how you talk to god.

It's how we conversate with him out west.

Heathens.

So, duffy, what brings you to this neck of the woods?

I heard there was some honest work up at sioux falls.

Planning to make a fresh start of it.

Well, that's damn peculiar, if you ask me.

White man traveling with a n*gro child.

What?

Said he don't much care for colored folk.

Oh...

What line of work you in, partner?

You ask a lot of questions.

Guilty as charged.

Dale carnegie...

rule number one.

But I'll lay off you.

- Mm-hmm?

- Tell me a story, seymour.

Well, which one do you want, sugar plum?

Uh, let's see.

Hansel and gretel.

Or would you like the legend of goldilocks?

Hey, funny you mention that.

I was talking to a fella on the train, must've been, um, winter last, works in publishing.

Did you know that in the original goldilocks, it was witches, not bears?

In any case, he tells me, think about this poor girl, no home of her own, just wandering the woods.

This fella said that to his mind, goldilocks is the classic example of an outsider in search of himself.

If you think about it, the story's got no ending.

I mean, the bears...

They get justice...

Chasing an intruder out of their home, but for the girl?

Well, she's back out in the cold.

No family, no home.

Doesn't fit in anywhere.

I thought I said leave the dog in the room.

She'll get lonely and she'll bark, and that's unwanted attention, right?

Right?

- The future is what?

- How's that?

What's it gonna say?

Wait till it's finished.

Then you'll see.

Well...

Finish the damn thing already.

Moment I finish it, I'm out of a job.

Plus, what do you care?

It's just a sign.

It's the principle, making people live with uncertainty.

It ain't right.

Send a letter to your congressman, you're so irate.

And in kansas city today, the mayor is calling for additional law enforcement as the w*r between organized crime syndicates heats up, following yesterday's deadly sh**t-out at the kelsey slaughterhouse.

- Is this where your money is?

- Stay put.

Lock the doors and don't talk to nobody.

And quiet the mutt.

- You're being paranoid.

- You didn't see him.

Like a poison pack of cigarettes.

He asked about the wall.

Maybe he's just an enemy to change.

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm saying, maybe he liked things the way they were.

You know, I've half a mind to drive over to the cemetery and make ma take back when she said you was the smart one.

Well, if this fella comes back, we'll show him.

Show me what?

Both of you in the office, now.

You found something that belongs to me.

I don't know what you're talking about.

The money.

Where is it?

What money?

Not gonna ask again.

I-it's in the safe.

What's left.

Open it.

M-mister, what were we supposed to do?

A bag of money in the wall, opening a store with mouths to feed.

You, you thank the lord is what you do.

A-and count every dime.

Not your money.

We bought the store as is, mister.

Leaky pipes, bag of money, what have you.

That's the american way.

There was five grand in here.

Boy, is this your car?

You got a hearing problem or something?

What are you doing?

Just waiting.

For what?

I got a wife.

I...

I ain't married yet.

Who's gonna feed the dogs?

Step out of the vehicle.

I didn't do anything.

Come on, do it now.

- I'm just waiting.

- I said out of the car.

Now.

Quiet.

Is there a problem, officer?

- Is this your car?

- Yes, sir.

He with you?

Yes.

- And what's your relation to this kid?

- I'm his guardian.

Who talked you into that cockeyed arrangement?

Well, now, I served with his daddy in the w*r.

Jerries k*lled him on armistice day.

Can you believe that?

First man k*lled in peacetime.

Least I could do was care for his offspring.

Well...

You want my advice, you gonna travel with a colored kid in a town like this...

Just keep him out of sight.

Yes, sir.

Appreciate that.

It's, uh, all new to me.

I'm hungry.

Supper's in an hour.

Maybe they got something in the kitchen.

I could look.

I've changed my mind.

We're leaving tonight.

- After the meal.

- Can I bring rabbit?

- No.

- Why not?

'cause I said so.

Don't need another mouth to feed, and she's always barking.

But I could teach her to be quiet.

I said no.

What's that about?

- I just wanted one thing.

- One thing?

Huh, what are you on about?

One thing for my birthday.

Your...

What?

When the hell is your birthday?

Today.

Hey.

You wouldn't happen to have a cupcake or a candy bar or something?

For the kid.

It's his birthday, see, and I didn't know and...

Mm-mm, the sisters don't believe in sugar.

But there's a filling station eight or nine miles down the road.

Probably get him a cupcake or candy bar or something there.

Thanks.

If the kid comes looking for me...

Just tell him I'll be right back.

Hey!

Hey!

What the heck does that even mean?

Got me.

Could be a statement as to the underlying unreliability of time.

Or a testimony along the lines of "seize the day." they don't pay me to write 'em, just slap 'em up.

Which I did.

And now it's done.

And I find myself once more at a crossroads, unemployed.

So I...

Suppose for me, the future I once feared has arrived, as predicted by this very billboard.

I am alpha and omega.

The first...

And the last.

And what thou seest, write it in a book and send it to the seven churches which are in asia.

I just woke up.

Come closer.

It smells like rain.

Ah, worry not.

For it is written...

No more flood.

The fire next time.

I'm looking for my friend.

I fell asleep.

Come closer.

I'm...

I'm gonna wait in my room.