Your Friend the Rat (2007)

[bunniefuu]

Hello, I'm Remy, and this is my brother, Emile.

-Hi. -We're here to speak out on behalf

-of oppressed rats everywhere. -Oh, man.

Rats who don't have the access to media that our movie affords us.

-We're speaking out? -Yes, we have to.

We rats need to take a stand.

You said we'd sing something. You know, joke around.

You did not say we were gonna take a stand.

This is important. Humans need to know. Humans need to...

Feed us. That's what you need to do.

Leave some garbage out and we won't bother you.

Just leave the lid on top of the can loose...

REMY: All right, all right, moving on.

This is a man.

Hello.

A dog, man's best friend, looks up to man.

A cat looks down on man.

We rats see ourselves as equal to man, but you humans don't seem to see it that way.

So it's been w*r, a w*r without end!

(SCREAMS)

REMY: But this has not always been true.

EMILE: When has it not?

REMY: In India, the rat is the chosen mode of conveyance for the Hindu god, Ganesh, and thus, sacred.

During the Roman Empire, it was said to be good luck to have a white rat cross your path.

Not so good if a black rat crossed it.

Rattus rattus, the black rat, arrived in the West first, hitching a ride with the returning Crusaders.

In Europe, finding plenty of filth, grain, filth, and...

EMILE: Don't forget filth. REMY: And more filth to eat, the black rat quickly prospered.

Wait, wait, this is all wrong. This isn't how we rehearsed it.

DIRECTOR: What, what's the problem?

REMY: It doesn't go from rats and darkness to rats and death skulls.

DIRECTOR: Well, my script says rats and death skulls.

REMY: You forgot the flea!

Rats didn't cause the plague, the flea caused the plague.

-The flea is the whole point! -DIRECTOR: Just give him the flea.

-I'm in need of your assis... -REMY: No, not that one.

REMY: There it is. EMILE: Oh, that's disgus...

REMY: Xenopsylla cheopis, the rat flea.

See, this guy here gave the plague to this guy here, a rat, k*lling the rat.

Once the flea senses the cold, dead rat, it prefers to find a warm, live rat.

But, if a human happens to come along, well...

From 1347 to 1352, the plague, or Black Death, k*lled a third of the population of 14th century Europe, and just as many, if not more, rats.

EMILE: So, so what stopped the plague?

REMY: No one really knows.

Maybe soap, closed sewers, a change in temperature.

Or some believe, this guy, rattus norvegicus, the brown rat, better known as the Norway rat.

(SPEAKING IN NORWEGIAN)

EMILE: That's us, right? REMY: Right.

The Norway rat came from China, and according to mythology, brought the gift of rice to man.

EMILE: Wait, wait. The Norway rat came from China?

REMY: Yes, the rat even holds the place of honor as the first year of the Chinese zodiac, a symbol of good luck, wealth, intelligence, charm, charisma, ambition, adaptability, versatility... Shall I go on?

EMILE: You're not making any sense. We came from China, -but we're called Norway rats? -REMY: I'm getting to that.

British naturalist, John Berkenhour, named us Norway rats, believing we had come to England on a Norwegian boat.

The silly thing is, the brown rat didn't live in Norway at the time, more than likely, we came from Denmark, but the name just stuck.

EMILE: Wait, now we're from Denmark?

REMY: Let it go.

Kicked out of Europe by his brawnier cousin, the black rat joined explorers and colonists seeking opportunity, and some elbow room, across the globe.

It wasn't until 1775 that the first Norway rats arrived in America, much to the chagrin of the established black rats.

(g*ns f*ring)

(SLAPPING)

(THUD)

Adaptable like humans, Norway rats live throughout the world, except the North Pole and South Pole.

EMILE: What about that spot? REMY: That's Alberta, Canada.

In 1950, rats invaded on the southeast border of Alberta, but were repelled by an impressive government rat control program.

(VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYING)

(VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS)

(expl*si*n)

Our societies are intertwined, a symbiotic relationship of give and take.

-You give us you trash, and we... -EMILE: Take it, then eat it.

-I don't understand it, myself. -Can we sing the song now?

-No, no, no, no, no, no. Stop. -We'll follow you to Mar...

Now, "Why Rats Are Cool."

-Every day, rats eat ten... -Hey, wait.

You said I could do this part.

(EMILE CLEARING THROAT)

It's a little something I'm calling, "What's Cool About Rats."

Every day rats eat 10 percent of our bodyweight.

Gotta love that.

Our favorite foods are scrambled eggs, macaroni and cheese, white bread.

I'm getting hungry.

Our teeth can cut through solid wood, lead pipe, (GROANING) cinder blocks, (JACKHAMMER HAMMERING) even steel, (BLOWTORCH) with a biting force of 24,000 pounds per square inch.

(WHIMPERING)

A rat can swim for three days, and yes, we can enter your home through the toilet.

(EMILE SCREAMING)

Very flexible, we can squeeze through any hole we can get our head into.

One pair of rats can have 15,000 descendants in a year.

That may not sound good to you, but it's good for us, since the world is out to get us.

Whoa!

On Eniwetok Atoll, atomic bombs were tested for ten years, but we rats survived, and suffered no ill effects from the massive radiation.

(SQUEAKING)

Some people have pet rats, called fancy rats.

-Why are they called fancy rats? -REMY: Keep going.

Okay. Jack Black, royal rat catcher to Queen Victoria, liked to keep some of the rats he caught as pets.

These he would give to the fancy people of the day.

Oh, yeah, that's right. I remember now.

Many, many rats have dedicated their lives investigating humanity's most dreaded diseases.

How is this possible? Well, we share a similar biology.

We grow old the same way.

Treatments can be tested in a rat's lifespan of a year or two that would take 70 years in a human.

Rats have even been to space, teaching people about how the body adapts to weightlessness.

So, as you can see, we've been together since the dawn of time, and we'll be together far into the future.

Key of G, fellas, and swing it.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

We'll follow you to Mars Or wherever you people go We rats are right there down below We've traveled near and far With swamis, geishas, thugs and czars In planes, and boats, and submarines We've sailed from Liverpool to Queens We're even in Qatar Or wherever you people go We all adore François Truffaut

Abandon musophobia And embrace a new utopia Butterflies and puppy dogs Summer evenings, crispy frogs Imagine if you will a world Where women, rats And men, and children Live in peace and harmony We're even holding hands We're dancing through the streets and singing cabaret songs Oh-la-la-la, join with us We'll make a human ratty wonderland We'll help you tie your shoes When you don't feel like bending over And perhaps you'll take that trap From out behind the pantry door We'll say "Bonjour," and "How's the family?"

When we pass each other on the street And just like that We won't be strangers anymore

So here we go to Mars With our stories intertwined And although once you tried to k*ll us Now we know that you won't mind We'll journey through the stars And whatever else may be

-We all hate that lousy flea -That lousy flea

So, what do you say? Can we make peace, and...

MAN: The views expressed are not necessarily the views of Pixar Animation Studios or the Walt Disney Company.

REMY: Oh, no. Oh, this isn't over yet. Oh, no, no.

Emile, how many times did I say they were gonna slap something on the end.

What, and now they're doing it. Now, look at this.

-Uh-huh. Yeah. -It's like it's in their DNA to...

(MAN CONTINUES READING)

(GRUNTING)

-Whoa. -I, I, I'm a...

I'm surprised, I'm surprised. Guys, you know, it's typical.

Business as usual. You know what, our voice will not be denied.

You've had your say. Can we please get something to eat?

...be caused by your silly insistence on rat interaction.