"Blondes Have More Fun" by Photronique feat.
Kaci Brown...
♪ Everybody's got their own special color ♪ ♪ And they work it like a star ♪ ♪ Yeah, the russet, the brunette ♪ ♪ Ya grew it, ya bought it ♪ ♪ It doesn't really matter, baby, long as you flaunt it ♪ ♪ All the boys are crazy for the different kinds of shades ♪ ♪ But if you're lookin' for a good time ♪ ♪ You know we're famous, don't blame us ♪ ♪ The best way to name us ♪ ♪ Is color of sunshine ♪ ♪ No, no, no, no, don't be so fast ♪ ♪ To underestimate the lighter shade ♪♪ Aww.
How old?
Maybe 2, maybe 6.
We're not really sure.
You've never taken a career placement test?
- Not even in seventh grade?
- No!
You have to understand, Wisconsin is deep, deep dairy country.
So everyone's groomed to be a cheesemonger like their cheesemonging daddy and his daddy before him?
Yeah, something like that.
So if you have your heart set on journalism, it is really...
not the most exciting place in the world.
Wow!
I'm drinking with a true pioneer, Maggie.
Coming all the way out to the big city and all.
Well, I don't know if I'd consider Reseda a big city, but...
I thought you lived in LA.
Um...
it is LA.
Technically it is, if you look at the map.
And also the setting of The Karate Kid.
Oh, speaking of kids, um, I didn't see any in your profile pic.
Is that...
is that more of, like, a "Don't have 'em just yet" kind of thing, or like, "Ew, gross, the thought of changing a diaper makes me want to die" kind of thing?
I guess I just haven't given it much thought at this point.
I mean, I'm only 36.
Totally, I know.
Don't have to think about that just yet.
I like your T‐shirt.
Thanks.
This is a guided mindfulness meditation.
Begin by focusing your attention inward.
Discover the internal flow of your own, unique energy.
Feel the rhythm of your heartbeat.
Expand the field of awareness around your breathing.
Anything that causes the body to grow tense or stiff, allow these feelings to simply exist.
Remember to say to yourself, "It's already here.
Whatever it is I'm feeling, it's already here.
Let me feel it." Number eight!
Margaret, you home?
Coming!
- Margarita!
- That's not my name!
Parking fee.
All units that have a space in the garage now pay.
But we're rent‐controlled and you just raised the rent in January.
This no rent increase.
This parking fee, see?
I realize that's what you're calling it, but it's really just, like, basically a rent increase.
Not $1,000, not $100, 90.
- Bea!
- Pay end of month, okay?
- It's here, it's in...
- Okay, okay, I'll just read it, I'll read it, I'll read it.
Three, two, one...
What's better than marshmallows for an awesome cause, right?
Plus, anything to raise awareness.
Who knows how many eyeballs we'll get in your...
Valley Yeller!
Yes.
Olive, did any of that even get in your tummy?
I'm getting you cleaned up, yes, we are.
You know, Olive here is a great writer.
Oh, yeah?
What do you like to write?
She's a little shy with grown‐ups.
Hey, if your kids like sweets, bring them by.
We're going till four.
Yeah, thank you, thanks.
Come on.
Doctor's office, how can I help you?
Hi, I'd like to make an appointment, please.
Almost done?
I don't think there's anything left in that one.
There's always more.
Hey, Maggie, I'm Dr.
Davro.
Hey!
I was going to say, "Nice to meet you," but it looks like we met before.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
I actually came in a while back for a fertility test.
So, no retrieval?
No, it was more of a state of the union, but it's been a minute.
I've had a couple bad dates.
Yeah, it's rough out there, I get that a lot.
So I thought, maybe it's time to take some initiative.
So, another check‐in?
No, a retrieval, if it's not too late.
Okay, well, that's what we're here to find out.
So, you are...
38.
39.
You sure?
You have a donor in mind?
Just freezing for now, to buy myself some time.
Statistically, we have less success freezing geriatric eggs, but we're gonna stay optimistic.
So, same as before.
We're gonna run three blood tests and a transvaginal ultrasound.
And it's, uh, it's 10,000 for the harvesting, 500 a year for freezing, and 5,000 for thawing?
Before you worry about all that, let's just see if we can.
This may feel a little uncomfortable.
- Maggie, Maggie.
- What?
- They need you.
- Oh, sh*t.
Sorry, I'm so sorry!
I thought that interview with that choir director would never end!
What?
We're going digital.
- What?!
- Sorry, Mags.
It sucks, I know, but I want to be very clear, no one's being laid off.
So, what would you call this?
You're becoming independent contractors.
- What?
- You'll get paid per story, get to work from home.
Hey, that's kinda nice, huh?
What about our salaries, our benefits?
Those will...
no longer be covered by The Valley Yeller.
- What?
- This is our new COO, Frank Ramos.
He's a bright, young hotshot out of Palo Alto.
Or is it Pasadena?
Anyway, he's from the parent company, he knows a thing or two about the world wide web, and he's going to walk you through...
the new corporate structure!
I'm sorry, how much would we even be making per article?
Okay, okay, everybody...
...everybody breathe, right?
We're gonna take it nice and easy.
I feel it getting a lot warmer in this room, and I mean friendlier.
Look, Maggie, you think I knew print would die in my lifetime?
Keeping the Yeller alive hasn't been exactly a cakewalk.
I wanted to throw myself off the damn roof every day this past year.
Pat has worked here for seven years!
I've been here for 12 years!
I've been here 11 months, Don.
- See?
- I know, I know, I know.
Maggie, we're lucky we survived this long.
Think about it.
Does Reseda even need a culture editor?
Came out wrong, came out wrong, but everybody, check the pulse.
Nice and easy, nice and easy, okay?
I've got something to tell you.
Two words, okay?
Flexible, flexible, and adjust.
You're calm, everybody's calm.
You got to be flexible.
You got to adjust.
Am I right, Evan?
And there's a third word.
Do you know what the third word is?
- Severance?
- No, it's transition.
Here to there, that's life.
A baby to an old man, or a baby to an old woman.
Check the pulse, and we got breakfast outside if anybody likes, right?
Adjust, flexible...
I can't even feel my pulse.
Everyone's getting their news online these days, right?
Which is why I'm telling Don what we need is a digital ad blitz to save the print edition.
Okay, our slogan: "The Valley Yeller: We could all use more paper." - Hello?
- Hello, hi, Maggie?
This is Dr.
Davro from the Fertility Center.
Hi, yeah, hi.
I'm calling with some good news.
Your levels all came back within range, which means I believe you are a good candidate for egg freezing.
Have you guys heard of something called crowdfunding?
Now, your numbers are substantially lower than last time, so I suggest we get you in as soon as possible since the next time could be too late.
Would you like to speak to someone about payment options?
- Um...
- Maggie?
- Let me hold those eggs.
- Can you just give me...
Give me a f*cking second!
What was that?
Maggie!
Sorry for being a bit brusque earlier.
You do know we love you at the paper, right?
Or whatever, e‐zine, blog, whatever the f*ck you want to call us now.
We're gonna get you writing a bunch.
You know what?
Here.
Mints, to help take the edge off.
- Is that weed?
- They're mints, Maggie!
My shrink recommended them for my stress.
Pot makes me paranoid.
They're nothing.
It's 2.5 milligrams.
And listen, for a guy who doesn't dig meds, it was either them or an emotional support dog, but, you know, I have allergies.
That's too bad.
I could totally see you taking a Shih Tzu out for dinner.
No!
All right, I'm gonna go work from home now.
Consider it, okay?
A support animal?
- Jesus!
- Come on!
You said you're in the sh*t, right?
A dog will give you something to focus on other than yourself, especially if you're gonna be at home.
They're loyal, you can pet 'em whenever you're feeling nervous.
- I know how dogs work!
- Okay.
But they can sense your anxiety, so it's not a bad idea.
Consider it, okay?
- Okay, I will.
- Okay.
Here.
For you, okay?
Just in case.
In case!
Feel good!
Bye!
Someone cares!
Like I always say, there's no such thing as a bad dog, just bad owners.
So even the terrifying ones can be trained, is that the sales pitch?
With some love, sure they can.
Who's handsome?
Who's handsome?
Jesus...
Quiet down!
- Sorry.
- Never mind.
- Man's best friend, huh?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, you.
Wanna say hi?
Hi!
I won't bite, I promise.
Cute, right?
Yeah, we mostly get big dogs.
Surprised nobody's snatched him up yet.
Does he have a name?
A2733.
Its human went to prison.
Police found him and brought him in.
Hello.
Hey, he likes you.
Really?
How can you tell?
Never done that for me.
You didn't?
Were you waiting for me?
Wow!
Come on!
Up.
You liked me before.
Mmm.
Now you're into me?
Don't worry, yours is coming.
Drop it!
Drop it!
You just ate my Reuben, you little sh*t!
How did you do that?
How did you do that?
You are so wild!
Are you a little Reuben?
Is that what you are?
You are, Reuben!
Hi!
Hi, babe!
Hi, honey!
Who's a good boy?
Who is the best boy?
♪ What's the point of holding on ♪ Aren't you handsome, mister?
You are...oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh!
Good poop!
Good poopy‐woopy‐loopy!
Good poop!
♪ I don't wanna shout ♪ What are you doing here?
You little perv.
Reuben!
Reuben!
♪ As long as I have you ♪♪ ♪ Reuben, Reuben, I've been thinking ♪ ♪ What a great world this would be ♪ ♪ If the men were all transported ♪ ♪ Far beyond the Northern Sea ♪♪ Oh, bummer.
All right, buddy, I have to go to work.
Good boy.
I'll be home in a few hours.
You are the cutest medicine.
Okay, there you go.
Have a good one.
- Um, hi.
- Hi...
- Maggie?
- Annie Powell?
I haven't seen you since you were 9!
Ah, my God!
Come in here!
- Oh, hi, honey.
- Kiss.
Hi!
What are you doing here?
How old are you?
Don't tell me, I actually don't want to know.
- 26.
- What?!
I know!
The girl who wet the bed when you babysat is now officially...
Ready for this?
...Annie Morris!
Congratulations!
- Thank you.
- Wow, that's so...
- My college boyfriend.
- Wow!
- Isn't it beautiful?
- Yes!
God, I love him so much.
He knows me so well.
Are you guys in town visiting, or...
We live here.
Yeah, we moved in about a year ago.
- Do you love it?
- Are you kidding?
So much more than Wisconsin.
Also, I'm trying to build my brand, so this is kind of the place to be.
Oh, you have your own company?
No, brand, like my presence on social.
It's a wellness and self‐help sort of deal.
Namaste, LOL.
Make sure you follow me.
Oh, yeah, of course.
Anyway, how are you?
Good, great, yeah.
I'm a reporter...
and I work here on the side, just, you know, for fun.
Coffee is so fun.
Nothing, there's no problem.
He needs help, you're busy, but, uh, are you on Insta?
I'll DM you.
Yes, please.
Great, okay, so I'm getting the Americano with soy milk.
- You guys have that?
- Yeah.
And you know what, I'm gonna grab one of these.
That is on me, congratulations.
I hear the first year is coffee beans?
- Is that right?
- Maggie!
You're still the same.
- No, I'm different.
- Thank you, Maggie.
I'm so excited, we're gonna hang out.
It's gonna be great!
Yeah!
Okay, a quick little pic.
Do you mind?
Oh!
I'll tag you guys, it'll be great.
Okay.
Guess who's home!
Somebody want to play?
Does somebody want to play?
You have to come out first.
Come on!
Reuben?
Come on!
Let's go, bud!
Reuben!
Come on.
Can't play all by myself.
Jesus!
Reuben, Reuben!
Ow!
Holy sh*t.
You doing some push‐ups at the shelter or what?
Reuben?
Reuben?
There you are, you little nut.
Good boy.
You are so strong!
Did someone miss Mommy?
Did someone miss Mommy?
Did you?
What do you think, Reuben?
Should I give it another sh*t?
I really had a great time at dinner.
This place is...
it's really incredible.
Yeah, you like it?
It's a work in progress, but, you know, hey, aren't we all?
Thanks for letting Reuben third‐wheel it.
He still gets really jittery when I leave him home alone.
Oh, yeah, what, are you kidding?
You saw my profile, right?
Animal lover.
The app don't lie.
So, when you said, "Not interested in playing games," you meant that, too, right?
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for Cards Against Humanity, but, uh, just the dating game, I just don't have the energy anymore.
Thank you.
We're not getting any younger.
Yeah, I know, right?
And, you know, I know how dudes are.
I mean, not all guys, but, you know.
Patriarchy, I mean, "Houston, we have a problem." It's a piano.
Is it like a mini grand?
- Yeah.
- That's a thing?
- Yeah, oh yeah.
- Are those your parents?
Huh?
No!
No, they came with the frame.
You read my bio, right?
- I flip houses.
- Oh.
This one's about to go on the market.
So you don't actually live here?
No.
Plastic apple for the lady?
I'm full.
Hey, I want you to experience the nirvana that is a $10,000 sectional.
- Feel that.
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Oh, hi.
- Oh, God, you smell good.
- Oh...
Um, maybe...
is there, like, a dog‐friendly bar in the neighborhood we could go to?
Not in this neighborhood.
Okay, Nick.
All right, slow down.
I thought you didn't want to play games.
Yeah, hence getting to the point.
Let's go.
Okay, stop.
Stop!
Stop!
Hey!
Hey, get down, you little sh*t!
Get off the f*cking sofa, man!
Jesus, this is chesterfield leather!
That's what you stop for?
What?
No...
Hey, we're having fun, right?
What?
What, come on.
It's not like I'm not gonna eat your p*ssy too.
Oh my God.
Where's your bathroom?
Look, hey, just...
just chill out, okay?
I'm gonna go have a smoke, and before you say anything, that's in my profile too.
Boss.
You're so stupid sometimes.
Ow, ow, ow.
Okay.
Gross!
Reuben?
Let's go!
Ruby?
sh*t.
Hey, assh*le!
You let my dog out!
Reuben!
Reuben!
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God!
Oh, baby!
Come here, come here!
Oh my God, are you okay?
You catch the guy's plates?
Um...
I..
I was just looking for my dog.
- Are you all right?
- I heard a screech.
By the time I came out, the car was...
We've been telling them for years to put a damn traffic light up there.
Oh my God.
Hmm.
Wow.
This is one delicious boy!
Yeah?
Look how good he's doing.
First vet visit, some dogs won't even hop up on the table.
Okay, so I didn't find anything bruised or swollen, no road rash, no hot spots.
My guess is any blood you saw on his fur is likely due to him being in the "splash zone." What a relief.
Yes, it is, you widdle muppet.
How's he doing at home?
He's good.
He's not, you know, he doesn't play a lot, really, at all.
And when he does, it's not super, um...
playful.
Some dogs just need more time to learn the fun stuff.
The shelter is a hard‐knock life.
He scratched the front door when I left for work the other day.
That's just separation anxiety.
Maybe you're his emotional support human!
Who rescued who, right?
"Who rescued who?" I like that.
Thanks, Dr.
Shah.
Before you run, I do want to do some quick blood work.
Standard protocol for our first visit.
Heartworm, parvo, that kind of thing.
Sure, no problem.
Thank you.
Oh, good boy.
That cat is fat as f*ck.
Good boy!
What a hungry‐wungry boy.
Ooh.
- Hello?
- Hey, your story.
"Realtor's Hit‐and‐Run Reignites Traffic Debate in Encino"?
Yeah, what about it?
It got 6,000 impressions in a day, Maggie.
That's the most traffic we've had since the relaunch, three times over.
The LA Times just picked it up!
Holy f*cking sh*t!
That's what I said!
You got that scoop before anybody.
Hey, if we were flush, I'd give you a bonus.
Keep the clicks up and maybe I can.
Did you see that body?
It looked like it got hit by a car and mauled by a bear!
Ah, poor bastard, huh?
Wasn't even 40.
I know, he was so young.
Thank you for calling!
Oh... my... God!
And on an exhale, we're gonna lower our legs from our heart, grounding our energy earthward.
Oh, thank you for recommending this.
Well, you asked for a dog‐friendly activity.
Plus, I've begged Adam to do goat yoga for months, so this is like the next best thing.
Okay, everyone, let's move into our hip opener that our downward doggies are going to love.
So are you seeing anyone, Mags?
Ugh...
no.
Not at the moment.
There was something kind of serious before, but we wanted different things.
At least we did then.
Well, you'll meet your person soon.
You're a crazy catch.
And Reuben could be a total d*ck magnet!
That's very nice of you, and I am hereby banning the use of the term "d*ck magnet." And switch legs.
It is kind of gross.
But it's kind of cute.
Hello.
I remember you from the restaurant.
Are you okay?
Oh, does your little dog not like other dogs?
Normally she's fine.
Can I help you?
Are you okay?
Okay, everyone, let's try to keep our friends quiet.
Chatting is great, just after class.
Locust!
It's actually just her dog that's the problem.
Actually, my dog's not making any noise at all.
I think someone's a grumpasaurus.
Well, he must have a scent on him.
When's the last time you expressed his a**l glands?
When's the last time you expressed yours?
Shh.
We're almost there, we're almost there!
I go Las Vegas one week and you bring dog?
No pet!
Bea, I understand the no pet policy.
He is an emotional support animal, which overrides landlord rules.
I'll get you a doctor's note.
Doctor's note?
For what?
You no blind.
No, he's not a service dog.
He's an emotional support dog.
Oh, oh, because you so sad?
I don't think you understand.
- Legally...
- No, no.
You no understand.
I want the dog to be out of this building!
Your garden looks lovely.
- No, I don't want no...
- Thank you!
Your plants look pretty!
Okay.
Hey, wait.
He pee on my wood floor?
You know, usually people wait to be invited in.
What did he do to my door?
I will pay for this, okay?
The veterinarian says it's separation anxiety, but...
Dog has now a therapist?
- Yo no entiendo...
- No, no, Bea, Bea, Bea, I'm gonna buy a crate.
I'm gonna crate him.
From now on, he'll be in a crate.
How about you move, hm?
- No.
- Yes, much easier.
- No, no, no.
- Much easier.
You move and you find a place that is dog friendly because here, I'm not.
I can't afford to move.
Bea, please, please.
Jesus Christ, please, okay?
You buy the cage.
- Yes.
- You shut him up.
- Promise.
- And you pay me the parking fee by Friday.
- Yes, yes, 90...
- Okay?
If not, you do not do that, you evicted from here and adios, ciao, go bye‐bye.
No, won't be a problem.
I will pay all of those things.
Thank you!
Thank you, Bea!
f*ck!
I know, I know.
I will be back.
Oof.
You won't even know I'm gone.
♪ Sing your song ♪ ♪ Just for me, Andrushka ♪ What you doing here?
Oh, ma'am.
You forgot your Puppuccino.
Thanks!
- Here you go, yum‐yum.
- Oh my gosh.
You like it?
Oh...
We actually close in one minute.
Oh, that's perfect.
Americano, it takes, like, 30 seconds, right?
Yes, okay.
Thanks.
Let me know if this tastes okay.
Sometimes our espresso is a little...
meh.
Are you allowed to say that with a Klara's Coffee uniform on?
Well, technically I'm off the clock.
If you'd come in one minute sooner, I would say it is to die for.
Thank you, Maggie.
Oh!
Duh.
And, uh, thank you for, you know, staying open late, I appreciate it.
- Sure.
- Have a good night.
- You too.
- Thank you.
It is thought that sometime in the distant past, the world's entire population of cheetahs was wiped out...
Awesome.
♪ Reuben, Reuben, I've been thinking ♪ ♪ What a great world this would be ♪ ♪ If the men were all transported ♪ ♪ Far beyond the Northern Sea ♪♪ Oh, no.
Ruby!
Oh...
Hey, sweetie.
Does my Houdini like raspberries?
Yeah.
Oh, you scared me.
Who wants to go walkie?
Okay, buddy.
Oh...
- Hello?
- Hi, Maggie.
This is Dr.
Shah.
I think something must've gotten messed up at the lab because Reuben's blood work came back all over the place.
Oh.
You think you can bring him in?
Maybe Thursday?
Oh, I know, you're constipated.
I'm sorry?
Uh, sorry, not you.
Reuben.
Yes, Thursday's great.
Thank you.
- Great.
- Okay.
Okay, one more errand and we'll try again.
Bea?
Bea?
I have my...my parking check.
On time.
Bea?
Hello?
Bea?
Bea?
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
Oh my God, Reuben, no.
No poopy, no.
911, what's your emergency?
- Um...
- Hello?
Hello?
Anyone there?
Hello?
Oh, f*ck.
Reuben, what the f*ck?
Did you do this?
How did you do this?
You're only 10 pounds!
Let me talk to her.
Hey, Bea!
Hey, Bea, we know you're in there.
Your lights are on.
Does she have a f*cking dog?
Oh, baby.
It's okay.
It's okay, sweet boy.
It's gonna be okay.
No one could ever think that you...
would do this.
If anything, they would...
sh*t.
Oh, God!
Yeah!
Okay.
Okay, you stay here and don't make a peep, okay?
¿Comprende?
Okay.
Good boy.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
- Have a nice day.
- You too.
Oh my God.
Um...
Hello?
This is the Veterinary Health Center confirming your appointment for tomorrow at...
- Cancel!
- ...1:30 p. m.
If you'd like to confirm your reservation...
- Cancel.
- ...please say yes...
Cancel!
- Hey, Annie.
- Hey, Mags!
You look stressed out.
I do?
Oh my God, okay, question.
Question for you.
Mags, you okay?
What's going on?
Yeah, sorry, I, uh...
my landlord.
Oh, she's in your apartment?
What...oh no, I...no, I actually haven't seen her in a couple days and she didn't cash a check of mine, which is very unlike her.
And you're getting worried?
Aw, you must really care about her, huh?
Not really.
She was actually kind of a bitch.
Is!
Oh my God...is a bitch.
Is that a horrible thing to say?
Um, not at all!
Oh my God, I love you like this.
Okay, I literally just dropped a pod about this.
Mags, life isn't just black and white, okay?
It's totally natural to feel two things at once.
What you need to get comfortable with is living in the grey.
Have you been sleeping?
Having this furry little pillow doesn't hurt.
Staying active?
Lots of long walks.
Honestly, kind of sounds like you're thriving, Mags.
Maybe he really is half‐Xanax.
- Thanks, Annie.
- Don't thank me.
Thank Ruby!
Thanks, Reuben.
Aw, babe.
Hi, do you live here?
I do.
Do you?
Kind of.
I'm Elena Rodriguez.
I'm the interim property manager.
Oh, I'm Maggie.
Where's Bea?
I wanted to ask you.
Well, actually, all the tenants.
She missed a beauty appointment the other day and I've been trying to get in touch.
I hope she turns up soon.
You probably wouldn't if you'd ever met her.
I'm her niece.
Oh sh*t.
Sorry about that, sorry.
Seriously, you're fine.
I know my aunt can be a bit severe.
Unlike this stud!
Hi, is he friendly?
Hi!
Miss Rodriguez?
I'm in here!
- No way.
- Wow.
Easy, k*ller, easy.
Shh, Reuben.
You guys know each other?
We've met.
Not about this.
Not about this.
You're a cop.
Wow.
I was gonna text you, I swear.
- No, it's fine.
- I really...no, I really was.
Please, it's fine, it's all good.
No, I'm still going to.
I'm playing hard to get.
- Just, you know, on duty, so.
- Okay, I'll stop.
Well, if you or Reuben ever need anything, please don't be afraid to ask.
I'll be staying in Bea's unit, okay?
Oh, great, yeah, thank you, that's really sweet.
My pleasure.
Bye!
You wanted to see the alleyway, right, Detective Cadden?
Absolutely.
You know, the pool could use a cleaning.
If you have time.
Bea still hasn't gotten around to it.
I'm on it.
Great.
This way.
Reuben.
Of all the people to forget to text!
All right, be honest.
Did the badge kinda freak you out?
No, not at all.
All right, good, good.
Well, I'm glad you followed through, unless you're trying to get out of a parking ticket.
No, I'm more of a get out of a parking ticket on the second date kind of girl.
But I did remember something.
She was in Vegas.
- Who?
- Bea.
Always talked about how the slots loved her, but now I'm like, what else was she up to?
Hm.
What?
This turned into work drinks really fast.
If you don't want this to be a date‐date...
- No, I do.
- Are you sure, 'cause...
- It is, I'm sorry!
- No, no, I mean, 'cause you really are free to leave whenever.
Am I also free to stay?
Well, in the brief time that I've been working there, I've discovered that everyone is actually a monster before they've had their morning coffee, and that I can operate the hell out of a French press.
Man, listen, you're about to get poached by one of those bougie ass coffee shops so fast.
Well, I'm actually a journalist, so I'd rather get poached by The Times.
I believe it'll happen.
What about you?
Are you divorced?
Yeah, six years out.
- Hm.
- Deal breaker?
Uh, no, actually, the deal breaker is the 40‐year‐old perpetual bachelor.
I've met enough of them to know to run.
But what about you?
Have you ever been married?
Um, mm‐mm.
No, I, uh, I came close once, but, um, yeah.
Kids?
Just the one I adopted.
But it's more like who rescued who, huh?
Aw, you?
Uh, you know, it's on the list.
- Okay.
- It's like a...you know.
- Right.
- But for now, I am just Uncle of the Year.
Let's see.
Oh, you guys are cute.
- Aw.
- I know.
That's really cute.
Well, oh...
We should do this again sometime.
Yeah.
You know!
You know we're home!
Hi!
Hi.
Reuben!
Reuben, Reuben!
You made the right choice coming in.
I wanted to come as soon as I could.
Timing isn't everything, but it is a lot of things.
So, we're gonna put you on something called Gonadotropins.
This is going to mature and release your eggs during ovulation.
If you get any hot flashes, changes in vision, any unusual discomfort, just give me a call.
- Sure, no problem.
- Due to the high progesterone levels, you will probably experience some psychological side effects.
Mood swings, irritability, insomnia.
Some patients report feeling out of control, and at times, out of touch with reality.
I'm not concerned.
Well, apologize to your loved ones now.
So, where are you in your cycle?
I started my period yesterday.
Well, you're making my job easy.
We can administer your first sh*t today, and then the nurse can teach you how to do everything else from home.
In 12 days, we can do your first retrieval.
And then, you just might not have to fight that clock anymore.
What the f*ck?
Two hundred and fifty dollars?
I'm sorry, Don, is this with or without my bonus?
Mags, I was using a figure of speech.
That's not the...
Oh!
Who's the little guy?
Did you get one?
"Someone really earned a bonus" is a figure of speech?
You're a freaking editor, Don!
- I need that money!
- Okay!
Take a deep breath.
It's not that I don't wanna up your pay.
You're doing great reporting, but take a look around.
Did you see anyone in the newsroom when you came up?
Yeah, you!
This is still your office, isn't it?
I'm being serious now, you lose the attitude!
It's not like I'm making a windfall here either.
And in case you forgot, I got a wife and two kids that I provide for.
Who's to say I wouldn't like that too?
Obviously that's not what I meant!
You just said it was great reporting!
For the Valley Yeller, Maggie!
What, you think your Pulitzer's in the mail?
Look, for a bigger paper, maybe you'd get bigger checks.
I don't know, couldn't hurt to look.
Do you hear that, Reuben, now he's trying to get rid of me.
That's not what I said, it's obvious they don't work after all.
Excuse me?
You're being a little hysterical.
And you're being a little drunk!
Does Frank know what you put in your coffee all day, every day, Don?
What're you gonna do?
You're gonna tell him?
Frank's on vacation, Maggie.
And you're fired.
What?
Are you serious?
No.
I was just using a figure of speech.
You still got crap on your desk.
Please get rid of it.
Best of luck to you and Toto.
Jerk!
f*ck you!
"Your Pulitzer's in the mail." f*cking assh*le.
Reuben!
Toto?
Reuben!
Ah!
Good boy.
Good boy!
You're beautiful.
To the most gorgeous managing editor The Valley Yeller's ever had.
- Woot woot!
- And to no more half‐caff soy frappes.
And wait, wait, wait.
To Don, who taught me everything I know and who was clearly living with so much pain.
May his memory be for a blessing.
- For a blessing.
- For a blessing.
So, Nate.
My turn to be bad cop.
I...who said I...why does it have to be a bad cop?
- I'm so...
- I said I'm bad cop.
I'm asking the questions.
Okay.
What are your intentions with my former babysitter, punk?
Hm.
Uh, for one, clearly soaking up her genius.
I mean, look at her.
Obviously.
And for two, if it's cool, for you to be my girlfriend.
I'm a nervous laugher.
Mags, what do we think?
Obviously it's a great answer, but I think I'm just gonna have to keep him in custody for a little while longer.
- Oh!
- Oh!
What do you think, Reuben?
Hi, hi, buddy.
I think Reuben and I have the same pajamas.
Okay.
Um, um, hey, can...
Uh, can we, can we, um, can we just have a minute with the...
Yes.
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry.
- Just a little privacy.
- Yeah, yeah.
No, I get it.
Come here, baby.
We're gonna be grown ups for a few minutes.
Nap time!
Uh, what's up with Alcatraz?
Oh, uh, his crate broke.
It's fine.
Come here.
I wanted to show you something under the covers.
Come on, come on.
Hey, guys.
Oh, hi!
Thanks for doing that.
What can I say, I aim to please.
Your screen too?
Oh, yeah.
Perks of an old building, I guess.
Right?
Let me know how that works out.
Okay!
- See ya.
- Bye.
Reuben, you're the best assistant ever.
You are.
Miss Glenn?
Yes.
Can I help you?
I hope so.
Detective Woolsey, West Valley LAPD.
Got a few questions for you about a hit and run a few weeks back.
Oh.
Yeah, on Bellflower?
The one I wrote a story about?
Yes, ma'am.
We're collecting surveillance.
Cross referencing cars that may have passed through the area between 10 and 11 PM.
Mhm.
Your story never mentioned that you drove to the neighborhood that night.
Journalists don't typically insert themselves in their scoops.
Sorry, am I not allowed to walk my dog in a nicer neighborhood than my own?
Of course you are, ma'am.
We're just crossing our Ts.
Okay.
I appreciate your time.
Yeah.
That spray stuff really work?
We've got a Pekapoo at home that's sh1tting up all our carpets, pardon my French.
They don't call it Pet's Miracle for nothing.
- Pet's Miracle.
- Yeah.
That's a good name.
I like that.
I could use a miracle at home.
Thanks again.
Sure.
Coming!
Police.
Oh, hello, sexy mama.
Hello, Tommy Bahama.
What is this?
It's not my birthday for another five months...
when I will turn 26 years old.
Open it, open it, open it.
It's a puppy cam.
For Reuben?
Why would I need this?
You know, you get so, so anxious when you're away from him for a few hours.
I figured with this, we can spend more time together, longer nights out, you can check on little Reuben from wherever.
It's on your phone, it's the future.
Thank you.
That's really sweet of you.
All right, come on, let's set it up.
Okay.
What do I do?
I'm watching you!
Uh‐huh, tell me that's not the best butter pecan you've ever tasted.
Well, it was until you pronounced it "pee‐can".
What do you mean?
How do you say it?
"Pee‐kahn", you weirdo.
- "Pee‐kahn"?
- What?
Where did they...listen, Wisconsin must be a very strange planet, 'cause I've never heard that before.
Hey!
Really, fuckface?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
Mags, we can just go get another one.
It's a sidewalk, Nate.
It's for walking.
I agree with you, but...
- So give him a citation!
- For jogging in public?
I mean...
He can run the LA Marathon somewhere else, he cut us off!
It makes me wanna cut him.
Don't look at me like that.
I mean, can we relax?
I'm relaxed.
I'm relaxing.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You're right.
It's okay.
He made me litter.
Can we go get you some more butter pecan?
I'm not getting butter "pee‐can." Well, what're you gonna get?
I'm gonna get butter "pee‐kahn." Okay, well there's definitely two tubs coming.
Maybe this time I will try the mint chip.
Yeah, mint chip was a good choice.
f*ck, that was good.
Can I, um, can I get you some water?
Yeah.
Oh my God, you didn't...
I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, it was still really good.
It's fine, no, it's fine, really, it was...
I mean, I can hold my breath for a...
I can swim a whole lap holding my...
Well, I mean, I guess you could turn the light off and, you know...if you wanna.
You know you don't have to be insecure about anything.
It's for ambience.
It's...I know.
sh*t, it's almost one.
Honestly, I should probably get back to the dog.
Puppy cam.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I forgot, I don't know how.
Ohh, look at him!
Looks like Reuben Van Winkle to me.
He is sleeping.
We'll go check him out early in the morning and we won't make, like, a habit out of it.
I can't make a habit out of it.
- We're both responsible people.
- I'm a responsible pet owner.
You are a dog mom, and I'm a friend of a dog mom.
So maybe turn that light off.
Okay, you don't gotta tell me twice.
You bit me.
What?
Whoa, whoa, I just went to the bathroom.
Are you okay?
I thought I heard something on the roof.
Oh yeah, I didn't tell you.
Reindeer infestation.
Total code violation.
It's just squirrels, they keep me up too.
- Oh, okay.
- All right?
Let's go back to bed.
- Ugh.
- Come on.
Go to bed, Reuben.
Sure, I understand.
And when was the last time you saw her?
Um, I believe I saw her maybe just a few weeks ago.
You're making a mistake.
Stop!
Will you just listen to me for two seconds?
For God's sake, Reuben.
What are you?
So my new landlord k*lled my old landlord?
Wow, you know I really can't discuss open cases.
Not even if your girlfriend lives next to a m*rder?
I told you things could get messy when we started dating.
I'm just scared and I wish you'd be more open with me.
Maggie, I wish you'd be more open with me.
Why won't you get in the pool?
What?
You asked Elena to clean the pool and you haven't gotten in one time.
And why do you always wanna keep the lights off in bed?
Jesus, maybe I'm self conscious.
What's your deal?
I noticed a bruise.
And the other night when I was in your bathroom looking for mouthwash, I found a needle.
I really wish you wouldn't go through my stuff.
It was an accident.
But I need to know, are you using?
dr*gs?
Oh my God, no, no, not dr*gs, not dr*gs‐dr*gs.
I'm fine.
You're fine?
Were you fine with the jogger?
It's just a female thing, okay?
A female thing with a huge syringe, Mags?
You know, maybe you can stop with the 20 f*cking questions.
All right?
I'm sorry.
You can ask me all the questions you want about classified police information, but the moment I ask you a question about...
I'm taking fertility treatments, okay?
Wow.
I, um...
I'm not trying to get pregnant right this second.
I'm just freezing, I'm freezing.
I didn't say anything because we're still in, like, the early days and, you know, my clock doesn't, like, care where I'm at in my life.
And I just got a promotion so I can afford it, and...
It'll let you move at your own pace, right?
Yeah.
I think that is a great idea.
So, uh, when does this thing happen?
- Soon‐ish.
- Hm.
- Tomorrow‐ish.
- Tomorrow‐ish?
Mags, that's like a huge deal.
They put you out for that, right?
Yeah.
Do you need a ride?
Yeah, I do.
Okay, good.
Can we make the lights go and the sirens?
I mean, settle down.
You're gonna do great.
Okay.
Maggie, how are we feeling today?
- Hm.
- That's great.
Try not to fight the dr*gs, all right?
Mhm.
Now the ultrasound you're used to, but this, this you don't wanna be awake for.
No, no, no, just settle in, settle in, that's right.
That's right.
This'll all be very quick.
Now, you'll be sore after.
Remember, no sex for the next two weeks, and try not to work out for the next few days.
Do you work out?
I jog every single night through Woodley Park past the Valley Yeller building.
You work there.
Right?
What were you doing on the roof, Maggie?
Uh‐uh‐uh‐uh‐uh.
We can't have you running off.
I told them I wouldn't let you leave.
Why did you do it, Maggie?
Why did you do it, Maggie?
Why?
Six eggs?
That's like half a carton, that's amazing.
- I know, right?
- Wow.
Hey, I'm sorry I couldn't get the whole day off.
I totally would've joined you and Anners for dinner, but just try not to get too crazy.
You need to rest.
Hope this Wisco girl still likes mac and cheese.
Ahhh.
That sounds delightful, okay?
Just don't tell my followers, they think I'm doing keto.
Do you want a glass of wine?
Uh, several.
I wanna enjoy my drinks while I still can.
Adam and I are trying.
Annie!
That's so exciting!
That's so great!
How long have you been trying?
What?
What's wrong, what's wrong?
Reuben, no, off!
What, what, what, what?
I don't know.
Annie, are you okay?
Don't get me wrong, okay?
Like I've always wanted to be a mom, or at least I thought I did, but things are just starting to pick up for me professionally, and I'm gonna be traveling more, and not to mention the oceans are frickin' boiling right now, Mags, okay?
And Adam, he just keeps pushing me, but a kid, a kid!
It's like...
It's a big step.
It's forever!
Yes.
You know, not all of us need to be moms, you know?
I mean, I know you know.
Of course you know, I'm sorry.
I don't even know why I'm freaking out.
It's just, you know, every day I go online and I tell people how to hold it together, as if I know what the hell I'm even doing.
You sound like someone I know...
before I got Reuben!
Maybe you need a dog to help calm your anxiety.
You think?
I used to be such a wreck.
And he just made all your anxieties disappear.
Like magic.
I'm not busy at all.
Someone missed a hell of a roll call this morning.
Pissed about the Clippers loss again?
It's gonna be a long year.
I'm not f*cking with you.
You talk to Sarge?
What?
Close the door.
You know how I couldn't place a car at that hit and run in Encino?
Well, I checked the victim's real estate nearby, and some prints I pulled matched a set from your missing landlady you've been working.
- No sh*t?
- Yeah, man.
You and I been sniffing the same scent.
Sarge got another match at the Valley Yeller.
Mm, that smells so good.
Oh, it's your boo!
- Should I?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Put it on speaker.
- Okay.
- Hey, Nate!
- Hey, it's both of us!
Hey, hey, guys.
Annie, do you mind if I just speak to Mags alone for a second?
Uh, I'm cooking, what's up?
Uh, you, um...
You sure we can't talk alone?
Uh, no, what's going on?
Did you know that your boss was m*rder*d?
And along with some guy in Encino and both are connected to your landlady?
You think Elena did all that?
No, no, Elena was cleared this morning, um...
Do you, do you know anything about this?
I mean, how would I know anything about it?
A reporter's only as good as their sources, and if you're just finding out about it, - how am I supposed to...
- No, no.
Maggie, no, I'm not, I'm not talking, I'm not talking about your reporting.
Um...
What're you talking about?
Okay, this is not funny, Nate.
Annie, I'm talking to Maggie for a minute, please.
Annie, just hang up the phone.
No, Maggie, look, they've got prints.
They found prints, Maggie, I really...
- Annie.
- Are you listening?
Maggie!
f*ck!
You okay, what's going on?
sh*t.
Bye, Nate.
What happened?
Are you okay?
Hey, what happened there?
Oh, okay, okay, calm down.
I know, it's okay, I'm okay.
Seriously, why don't we just eat tomorrow.
- You go home tonight, okay?
- No.
You just helped me, now it's my turn.
Look, I know what Nate said was scary, but you just have to...
Yeah, I know, I know, but please just go home.
If someone really k*lled those people and the police have prints, they're gonna get them.
I'm not asking you.
They're gonna get them, Mags.
You are making me very anxious, Annie.
Okay, so you can just pet the...
Annie!
Reuben!
Drop it!
No, no, Reuben!
Let go, no!
Reuben!
- Annie!
- Help!
Reuben, she didn't even do anything!
She didn't even do anything!
Oh my God!
Drop it!
Bad boy!
You've reached Maggie Glenn at The Valley Yeller.
I'm unable to take your call right now so please leave a message.
Where are you, Mags?
I'm sorry.
Oh, you're a good boy.
And Mommy loves you so much.
♪ Reuben, Reuben, I've been thinking ♪ ♪ What a good world this would be ♪ ♪ If the boys were all transported ♪ ♪ Far beyond the Northern Sea ♪♪ You be a good boy, okay?
Okay?
sh*t.
Annie, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
This is a guided mindfulness meditation.
Discover the internal flow of your own unique energy.
Anything that causes the body to go tense or stiff, allow these feelings to simply exist.
Remember to say to yourself, "It's already here.
Whatever it is I'm feeling, it's already here.
Let me feel it." Nate.
What do you do with the bodies?
How did you get in here?
It was unlocked.
I guess you were in a rush.
Should I come back with a warrant or will you tell me what you did with them?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I just cut my finger when I was cooking.
Look at you!
I know everything, Maggie.
I know what you did to Bea, your boss, the realtor...
however the hell you know that guy...
what you did to Annie.
I told you they've got prints of Reuben and the other one, wherever you've been hiding him.
This would be a great time to start telling the truth.
Wait, what...the other one?
The big guy, the guard dog or whatever.
The one you bought this crazy cage for.
I didn't k*ll anyone, Nate.
Reuben did it, he's not just a dog.
Oh no, he's an emotional support animal, right?
- You know, I got it.
- Annie, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Look, he can feel when I get anxious, and he acts out, he acts on it!
He's not, he's not a bad dog.
- Just a bad owner?
- No, look...
No, listen, hands...
Maggie, Maggie.
I didn't mean for anything bad to happen to Annie, I swear, or Bea or Don or Nick, even.
I mean, the last three were assholes, but still.
Everything lately...
it's been getting better and happier, and I met you, and...
- Hands behind your back.
- Can you...
- Nate, please don't.
- Hands behind your back.
Please don't do this, please, I'm not doing this.
- I wouldn't do this.
- Where are the dogs now?
Okay, I left Reuben in the desert.
He won't be a problem anymore.
The other one, where's the other one?
Where's the other one?
Nate, stop.
Nate, you're making me very anxious!
I told you.
I told you he's not just a dog.
What the f*ck pound did you get this dog from?
You know what's funny?
This whole time, I just wanted what everyone else had.
Someone to be there for me.
I finally got it.
Just not from you, Nate.
We're gonna be fine.
They're on their way.
Good boy.
It's already here.
Whatever it is that I'm feeling, it's already here.
Let me feel it.
So, you're ready to take the plunge, huh?
What kind of dog do you have in mind?
Yeah, I'd get a big guy, but I feel like my roommate would k*ll me.
What about that guy?
Oh yeah, the scamp.
Got him back in yesterday, didn't work out.
Ended up with some crazy lady who went to prison.
- You wanna hold him?
- Yeah.
Can I pick you up?
Oh!
He likes you.
That's good!
'Cause I think you just found a new best friend.
♪ You are the star in the sky ♪ ♪ You are the apple of my eye ♪ ♪ You're the music playing in my soul ♪ ♪ And when we're apart there's a hole in my heart ♪ ♪ The clouds, they follow me wherever I go ♪ ♪ When we're together the band is playing ♪ ♪ When we're together the world is singing along ♪ ♪ When we're together the sun is shining ♪ ♪ When we're together I'm home ♪ ♪ I got the world on a string ♪ ♪ I've got a new pair of wings, yeah ♪ ♪ You've got me in the palm of your hand ♪ ♪ You can silence the noise when I hear your voice ♪ ♪ And you say you're coming home again ♪ ♪ When we're together the band is playing ♪ ♪ When we're together the world is singing our song ♪ ♪ When we're together the sun is shining ♪ ♪ When we're together I'm home ♪ ♪ When we're together the world is singing our song ♪ ♪ When we're together the sun is shining ♪ ♪ When we're together I'm home ♪ ♪ When we're together I'm home ♪♪