05x01 - Brothers

[bunniefuu]

Opening Sequence
[SCENE – John Adam’s High hallway, right outside a door labeled “Senior Hall.” Cory and Shawn approach. Shawn tries to open the door, Cory stops him]

Cory: No, no, no, don’t touch that door.

Shawn: Cory, we waited three years to go through this door.

Cory: They say the senior floor is like no other, my Shawn, okay? So let us, as one, take a moment and savor.

Cory & Shawn: Oh, baby!

Cory: This is gonna be the best year of our lives, Shawny.

[Together, they open the doors and enter. The screen becomes dreamily blurred. There are red curtains and silver streamers hanging from the wall and woman in bikinis standing around. Cory and Shawn look around giddily]

Voice on PA: Welcome to the senior floor. And the best year of your life.

[Two of the bikini-wearers approach Shawn and Cory]

Cory: You’re seniors?

Bikini-wearers: We’re teachers.

Shawn: I have so much to learn. (The “teachers” lead Cory and Shawn to a couch)

Cory: So I guess as seniors, we can expect a pretty difficult year?

Bikini-wearer #1: Swedish massage, shiatsu, or should I rolf you right here? (Cory laughs)

[Enter Feeny in butler outfit carrying a tray of frosty beverages]

Feeny: Frozen frappachinos? Ice-blended mochas? (Cory takes the drinks) And the answers to all the tests. (Cory takes those, too) Enjoy. (Exits)

Cory: (Holds a glass to Shawn) Shawn, beverage?

Shawn: (Stops kissing his bikini-wearer) Sorry, I was just making out with my history teacher.

[Enter Topanga, being carried on a bed by four muscular men clad in Roman-style outfits]

Topanga: Hi, I’d love to stay and chat, but I can’t. I have an exam in Roman history. (To muscle men) Boy? (Snaps fingers, they carry her off)

Cory: (Stands with Shawn) Y’know, Shawn, I wonder how the cafeteria food is this year.

[Reenter Feeny in a chef’s outfit. He is pushing a cart with a tray of delicious looking meat on it]

Feeny: Prime rib? Center-cut or end-cut?

Cory: (Laughs) Both. (Shrugs) And be quick about it, meat-boy!

Feeny: Wait till you see what happens to you in my fantasy. (Exits)

Voice on PA: Seniors, you put in a lot of hard work today. (The bikini-wearers put velvet robes on Cory & Shawn) Now it’s time to graduate. (Shawn & Cory’s mouths are gaping)

[Reenter Feeny, carrying two diplomas and wearing a graduation gown]

Feeny: (Hands them diplomas) (To Shawn) Congratulations.

Shawn: Thank you!

Feeny: (To Cory) Congratulation!

Cory: Thank you!

[As Feeny walks away, he gives them a thumbs-up and the bell rings. Cory and Shawn are suddenly in a regular school hallway amidst other students.]

Cory: Huh. This is pretty much how I imagined it.

Shawn: Yeah, yeah, me too. (Unsure of what to do, they walk away in different directions)

[SCENE – Cory’s room. It has no bed. Cory enter with Shawn]

Cory: Shawn, I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. Eric has gone to college and the room is mine, all mine.

Shawn: (Pointing to candles on desk) What’s with all the candles?

Cory: Oh, those are for Topanga. Those set the mood.

Shawn: Kinda looks like a church in here.

Cory: You’re ruining the mood. Finally, y’know, I’m no longer a guest in this room. It’s mine! You see that picture? (Points) Mine. You see that wallpaper? (Points)

[A man enters dragging a queen-size mattress]

Man: Whose queen-size bed is this?

Cory: Mine!

Man: It’s for yourself, huh?

Cory: Maybe.

Man: An industry-standard twenty-year warranty. (Walks to door, but pauses before exiting) And remember: no mean no. (Exits)

Cory: Y’know, Shawn, I can feel it. We’re seniors this year, we’re unstoppable, baby! This is gonna be the best year of our lives.

[Door flies open, Eric enters carrying a blue bag]

Eric: Daddy’s home!

Cory: Eric, what’re you doing here?

Eric: (Noticing mattress) Oh, you didn’t get rid of my bed, did ya? (Giggles, playfully punches Cory, who stares in disbelief with Shawn.)

[SCENE – Matthew’s kitchen. Eric, Alan, and Amy are having a conversation]

Eric: So, first day of college, and I got no place to stay. Show up at the door say, “’Scuse me, ding ding, front please, Eric Matthews. I go here. Where’s my towel? Where’s my room?” They tell me I’m not on the list. Like there’s a list!

Amy: Eric! I gave you the forms for the housing list three months ago.

Alan: Amy, go easy on him. Our son has a little mix-up in housing. He’s home for a visit. (Opens container on table, revealing…) Cake?

Eric: Ooh, cut it for me?

Amy: This is not a visit. He’s back.

Eric: (To Alan) Why isn’t mommy happy to see me?

Amy: I am, it’s just sometimes you scare me. I mean, how’re you supposed to do well in college if you can’t even fill our a housing application?

Eric: (Mouthful of cake) Oh, it’s worse than that. Checked the wrong box on another form, now they think I’m an Eskimo.

Amy: (Alan laughs) I give up.

Alan: (To Eric, patting his shoulder) Oh, go on. Relax your mother. Tell her your plans.

Eric: Well, I thought I’d hang out here, this little housing snafu works itself out. (Laughs) College is hard! (Stands) So, hoops tomorrow daddy?

Alan: You’re on, buddy.

Eric: I’ll see you on the court, man. (They exchange high fives, Eric exits) Bye, mom.

Alan: (Calling to Eric) I’ll be lookin’ for you! (Laughs)

[SCENE – Cory’s room. Cory and Topanga are on the bed, Cory sitting, Topanga laying]

Topanga: How come you’re not kissing me?

Cory: Because the second our lips touch he’s comin’ in here. Watch. (They both glance at the door)

Topanga: (Sits up) Look, Cory, this is your room now. And Eric know that he’s not just gonna walk in here and take over. (Lays back down) Kiss.

Cory: (Smiles) Okay. (Kisses her)

[Enter Eric]

Eric: Hello! (Cory & Topanga abruptly stop) (Grabs a barbell from the desk)

Cory: Aren’t you supposed to knock before you enter my room?

Eric: Your room. Your room! Yooouuuuur rooooom… (Laughs) Hey, Topanga, be a dear and scooch over, will ya? (She does so) Great. (Eric sits next to Topanga) Ahh! Big daddy rock! (Does a rep)

Cory: Eric!

Eric: Big daddy rocks! (Does another rep) Big daddy rocks! (Does another) (Topanga is entranced)

Cory: Topanga!

Topanga: I should go now. (Kisses Cory) Bye. (Gets up)

Eric: Bye, Topanga!

Topanga: Bye, Eric.

Eric: (Focused on his lifting) Yeah! (Turns to Cory) She didn’t because of me, did she?

Cory: No, she left because big daddy rocks! Eric, why are you doing this to me? Why are you home?

Eric: (Looks to Cory mock-attentively) I don’t know… (Leaps onto bed, gets under covers)

Cory: (Removes shoes) I am not gonna let you do this to me this time, Eric. No way. (Gets in bed with Eric) Tomorrow, I am dedicating my entire day to finding you a place. A place, that is not here.

Eric: Good night, sweet Cory. (Turns off light, a disco ball comes on) You know that’s comin’ down, right? Good night, Cor.

[SCENE – Chubbie’s. Cory enters with Topanga]

Cory: And I mean I must’ve shown Eric a thousand places, he doesn’t like anything! Okay, one place has a white fridge, he wants avocado. Then he insists on something with an ocean view so he can relax his nerves.

Topanga: Well, an ocean view sounds nice.

Cory: We live in Philadelphia!

Topanga: Stop snapping, I’m the girlfriend.

Cory: Say kiss.

Topanga: Kiss. (They kiss)

Cory: Sorry. It’s just, I don’t understand Eric. He’s got this great opportunity to be out of the house, and instead he returns home to give me the business.

Topanga: You know what you need? You need some college guy to walk down those stairs, announce that he’s new in town and that he needs roommates.

Cory: If you love me, you could make that happen.

Jack: (Announcing to room) Excuse me! New guy in town, going to Pennbrooke, just got a three-bedroom apartment, and lookin’ for roommates.

Topanga: (Cory looks to her with a gigantic smile) I heard him talking outside, but I do love you, though. Kiss.

Cory: No time. (Gets up to Jack) Yo, new guy. Uh this place, does it have a view?

Jack: Oh yeah, by the river.

Cory: Yay! (Turns to Topanga) Listen, you ask about the fridge, ‘cause if he sees how happy I am he might think I’m insane.

Topanga: Fridge?

Jack: Big green one, I think they call it avocado.

Cory: (Giddily) Yay! Yay! (Puts hand on Jack’s shoulder) Have I got a roommate for you, baby! Huh-uh…

Jack: (Removes Cory’s hand) It’s not you, is it?

Cory: No, no, it’s not me. (Gets wallet for his pocket and shows him a picture) Take a look at this.

Topanga: You have a picture of your brother in your wallet?

Cory: Yeah, why?

Topanga: Oh nothing, I just think it’s sweet. I’m in there, too, right?

Cory: You will be.

Jack: Nice lookin’ guy. Easy on the eyes. Could be some competition for the ladies. (Thinks, then smiles) Nah! (Hands Cory his wallet back) Okay, I’ll meet your brother.

[Enter Shawn]

Cory: Yes! Finally, something good happens for Cory! The world is my friend.

Shawn: (To Jack, disgusted) What are you doing here?

Cory: No, don’t ruin this for me! Shawn, listen, whoever this guy is, whatever minor personal infraction happened between the two of you, let it go. Because the world know that this one is gonna be Eric’s roommate and the world is my friend.

Topanga: How do you two know each other?

Shawn: He’s my brother.

Cory: Of course he is! (Jabs finger) He is not your brother!

Shawn: Same dad, different moms. His mom bailed on my dad years ago, found a guy with a few bucks, and I guess they’ve kept Jack pretty busy… Cause we haven’t heard from him.

Jack: That’s not exactly the way it happened.

Shawn: Whatever, Jack.

Jack: Look, Shawn, look, I think we need to talk, okay?

Shawn: You turned your back on your father. And on me. Yeah, we talked. (Exits)

[SCENE – Matthew’s driveway. Alan & Eric are playing basketball]

Eric: C’mon now, boy. You got the ball, you want the ball?! (sh**t, it bounces off the rim & Alan grabs it)

Alan: Huh! Ooh yeah, oh yeah.

[Cut to Feeny & Amy, who are watching from their respective backyards]

Feeny: It’s nice to see father and son together again playing a spirited game of hoops, hm? (Amy looks at him evilly) You’re not happy, are you?

Amy: For years now, I have watched you give advice to everybody. But never me. Why is that, why?

Feeny: You don’t ask.

Amy: Eric was supposed to be in college, but at the first little bump in the road he comes running back home and Alan is okay with it.

Feeny: But you’re not?

Amy: It was hard enough saying goodbye to Eric, I don’t wanna do it again.

Feeny: Well, perhaps Alan just misses…

Amy: (Interrupting) Oh, that’s not it, this is it. He’s Eric’s father, he’s Eric’s best friend. The best friend can’t bring himself to say goodbye and kick Eric out of the nest. Thank you, George. Oh, well said. (Exits into house hastily)

Feeny: I have problems too, y’know.

[SCENE – Hunter’s trailer. Shawn and Chet are sitting at the kitchen table. Chet is fixing a toaster while Shawn does homework]

Chet: So how was your day, boy?

Shawn: Just another day.

Chet: Anything out of the ordinary?

Shawn: Just another day.

Chet: I like this talking we’re doing. It’s good. (Knock at the door, Chet stands) Yeah, come in! (Jack enters and exchanges glances with Shawn) What can I do for you? (Recognizes Jack) Wha…? well… Look at you.

Jack: How are ya?

Chet: (Shrugs) I’ve been okay. This is a surprise.

Jack: I ran into Shawn today.

Chet: (Turns to Shawn) You told me nothing special happened today.

Shawn: Yeah, I did.

Chet: Shawn, don’t be like that. We’ve got ourselves a little family reunion cooking, here, huh? (To Jack) So, uh, how’s your mama’s husband. You’re, uh, step-daddy, how’s he treating you?

Jack: He treats me well.

Chet: You still in school?

Jack: I graduated from high school, I’m going to Pennbrooke, now.

Chet: (Laughs) Well, what do you know about that? (Turns to Shawn) I got me a boy in college! (To Jack) I guess your new daddy raised you up good.

Shawn: Yeah, raised him up so good he hasn’t come to visit all this time. What are you doing here, Jack?

Chet: (To Shawn) Y’know, maybe he needs a place to stay. (To Jack) Look, Jack, I mean, this ain’t much, but I know you’re used to better… but we could get another rollaway cot and you could, uh…

Jack: No, it’s okay, I got an apartment by the college. Soon as I find some roommates the place is mine.

Shawn: I asked you what you’re doing here, Jack. Did you finally get up enough guilt about dad to pay him a little pity call?

Jack: That’s not it. I wanted to come here. I have a brother here. I came here to see you, too.

Shawn: Yeah, right…

Chet: You know, uh, seeing you two brothers together like that… idea comes over me. I don’t get a whole lot of ideas, but pretty sure this is a good one. You two boys have been given an opportunity to know each other. I think you should take advantage of it.

Shawn: No, dad.

Chet: He wants a roommate… I want you to live with him.

[SCENE – Hunters’ trailer, continued from earlier]

Jack: (To Shawn) I would love to have you as my roommate, man. I mean, it’s a great apartment, terrific area…

Shawn: (Stands) No!

Jack: Look, if you’re worried about the rent, I can make up the difference.

Shawn: There it is. Jack is here to try and rescue me from trailer life.

Jack: (Points) No, that’s not why I’m here! (Quietly) Look, forget it, man, I gotta go. (To Chet) I’m sorry, man. It’s good to see you, I’ll call ya. (To Shawn) Y’know, I just thought it’d be good, Shawn, for the both of us. (Walks to door, Chet stops him)

Chet: Jack! Here, uh, take this. (Hands him a coat) It’s gonna be a cold one, tonight.

Jack: Thanks. (Exits)

Shawn: What are you trying to do?

Chet: Shawn, ever since you were born, I always wanted to give you something I never could until now. (Sits in easy chair) Chance at a better life. Take it.

Shawn: He means nothing to me.

Chet: He’s your brother. He’s a good boy, I… think you ought to move in with him. Maybe some of that Pennbrooke stuff will rub off on ya and I’ll have two boys in college.

Shawn: Dad, why are you trying to kick me out?

Chet: I might not be much of a father, but I know this is right. So, get out of here. Scoot! Go on…

Shawn: I’m not going anywhere. And you’re right about one thing: (grabs his book) you’re not much of a father. (Exits into his room)

[SCENE – Hallway in front of Jack’s apartment. The elevator arrives, carrying Cory & Eric]

Cory: Oh, it’ll be perfect! Now all I ask is that when you meet Jack, you just be yourself, okay? And whatever you do, do not flash that big, phony, plastic, cheesy grin of yours. (Eric is doing so) No, it really turns people off. (Enters as he knocks, Jack is inside)

Jack: Hey, you guys!

Cory: Jack! How are you? (Shakes his hand) Love the place, huh? (Goes to fridge, it’s white) Not an avocado fridge, but nice!

Jack: Hey… Eric.

Eric: Yah.

Jack: Nice to meet you.

Eric: Hey, nice to meet you, too Jack. (Shakes his hand)

Jack: You smoke?

Eric: No. You smoke?

Jack: No.

Eric: You like pets?

Jack: Nah, I have a hard enough time keeping track of myself. You?

Eric: Not a pet guy. I got four kids, though.

Cory: (Laughs exaggerated, Jack and Eric don’t) I thought it was funny…

Jack: Favorite color on three?

Eric: Go.

Jack & Eric: One, two, three, blue! (Cory exhales thankfully, Jack pats Eric’s shoulder as he walks away)

Eric: Yeah, nice to meet you, alright. (To Cory) I don’t like him. (Makes for exit, stops in doorway)

Cory: Eric, what’re you doing to me?! We had a deal, you and Jack are so perfect for each other, you should be married!

Eric: I’m not ready…

Cory: Why are you trying to ruin my whole year? Well, guess what, I’m not gonna let you because starting now, you do not exist. You are invisible to me. (Tries to exit, but Eric is blocking the way) Please move. (He does so, and Cory exits)

[SCENE – Amy & Alan are at the kitchen table. Eric enters from upstairs carrying a basketball]

Eric: Hey, daddio! (Tosses him ball) Play another game of old-man-can’t-jump, huh?

Alan: (Stands up) Oh, trash talk all you want, I’ll let my hook sh*t do the talking. (Eric exits, Amy stops Alan)

Amy: Alan, stay.

Alan: Oh, no, that’s a dog command, you don’t give me a dog command.

Amy: Sit.

Alan: Okay… But you owe me a treat. (Sits)

Amy: If we let him stay here, he will never grow up.

Alan: Well… You think I don’t know that? What am I supposed to do?

[Enter from upstairs Cory & Shawn, talking]

Shawn: What kind of father throws his own son out, Cory? (Looks to Alan) Why can’t I have a dad like him? Eric’s never gonna leave, and he’s fine with it.

[Exit Cory & Shawn]

Amy: I’m done.

[SCENE – Matthews’ driveway. Eric is by himself, playing basketball.]

Eric: (making jump sh*t) RRAAHHHHH!!! C’mon, box it out, box it out! (Makes another basket) (Cory & Shawn approach) Hey! Wanna play a little 2-on-2, me and dad? (Tosses Cory ball)

Cory: No, I wanna play 2-on-you’re-not-here. (Tosses ball back)

Eric: I don’t get it.

Cory: I know you don’t.

[Enter Alan]

Alan: Hey.

Eric: Hey! Daddio! (Tosses Alan ball) Come on, 2-on-2, you and me against the short guys, let’s go! (Runs to his side)

Alan: As much as I love it when it’s you and me, how long is this gonna go on?

Eric: I don’t we could play to, what, 21? Or 11… Or 17, that’d be weird, huh? (Taps Alan playfully)

Alan: I’m not talking about the game.

Shawn: (To Cory) Maybe I should go…

Alan: (To Shawn) No, no, no, you stay, you’re family.

Eric: What’s goin’ on?

Alan: Eric, there’s nothing I enjoy more than having you here.

Eric: Me too.

Alan: You got one week to find yourself a new place.

Eric: You’re kicking me out? I don’t get this, I thought we were friends.

Alan: We are friends, but I am also your father and I know that this is right. Eric, in every kid’s life there comes a time where he’s just got to move on. And I hate that that time has come, but I wouldn’t be a good father if I didn’t recognize it, and I need you to recognize it, too. (Eric looks upset) Heeeey! (Pats his shoulder) If I didn’t think you could make it I wouldn’t be kicking you out.

Eric: (Takes ball from Alan, tosses it to Cory) Enjoy your room.

Cory: My room?

Eric: You heard me. (Walks away, Cory follows)

Shawn: (approached Alan) You are a good father.

Alan: I hope he understands.

Shawn: He will.

Alan: (Puts his arm on Shawn’s shoulders & draws him near) Thanks.

[SCENE – Hallway before Jack’s apartment. The elevator opens and Chet & Shawn walk out carrying boxes]

Chet: I still can’t believe you give Alan Matthews half the credit. ‘Cept for all the flowery words, I said the same thing.

Shawn: He just helped me see what you said. I know how hard this is for you, dad.

Chet: You do?

Shawn: You’re a good father.

Chet: Well, I guess I’ll give the man his due, then.

[Cut to Jack (and now Eric’s) apartment. Jack, Alan, and Eric are there unpacking]

Jack: (hands some plates to Eric) Alright, there we go.

Eric: Hey! (takes plates) Favorite movie.

Jack: On three.

Eric & Jack: One, two, three, Godfather! (They pause) Part two! (Jack walks away)

Eric: (To Alan) I don’t get him.

[Cory enters from bedroom, carrying a clipboard]

Cory: Standard rental agreement for a year. Let’s make it three. (To Eric, pointing to clipboard) Sign here, here, and here. (Eric does so)

[Enter Chet & Shawn, carrying boxes]

Chet: Hey, Jack.

Jack: Hey! (To Shawn) Welcome to your new home, bud!

Shawn: Thanks! Comes with hardwood floors, high ceilings…

Jack: And a brother.

Chet: I know it’s not much boys, but it works. (Hands Jack the toaster he was fixing before in a bow)

Jack: Alright! We really need this. (Places it on counter)

[Cut over to Alan & Eric]

Alan: (To Eric) You know I’m not gonna… say…

Eric: Goodbye?

Alan: Right, right. I’m not saying it. Alright? I mean, it’s very hard for me to say…

Eric: Goodbye?

Alan: Just give me a hug. (They hug) (Starts for exit, with Chet)

Jack: See you guys.

Chet: See ya…

Jack: Bye!

[Cut to hallway, where Chet & Alan just entered. Alan calls the elevator]

Alan: How ya holding up, Chet?

Chet: I did my crying in the truck.

Alan: Ugh, the father thing is just not an easy job, is it?

Chet: No. But I’m learning. (The elevator arrives, they enter)

[Cut back to apartment]

Eric: Well, I did it. I got my own place.

Cory: Yeah. Me too.

Eric: Listen, Cory, uh… I’m sorry, y’know? With getting into college and moving out it just… it just seemed easier to stay.

Cory: Y’know, I wasn’t trying to kick you out of my life. I was trying to kick you out of my room.

Eric: (Laughs) Oh, thanks. (Snaps fingers) Well, I guess you gotta get going, you wanna go set that room up the way you like, huh?

Cory: Yeah. Yeah, lots of things to do.

Eric: Yeah, Cor, listen the landlord he, uh, he made a mistake, he made two sets of keys, so… don’t be a stranger. (Tosses him keys)

[TAG – Feeny’s classroom. The whole class is there as Topanga enters]

Topanga: (To Shawn & Cory) Mr. Feeny’s sick today we have a substitute.

Cory: Oh, (turns to Shawn) that’s great.

Shawn: No, that’s bad. Whenever Feeny’s sick he handpicks a substitute. They’re always old, they’re always mean, and they always make us miss Feeny.

[Enter the very attractive Miss Valentine, who resembles on of the bikini-wearers from Cory & Shawn’s earlier fantasy]

Miss Valentine: Hello, class. I’m Miss Valentine. (Walks past Shawn, with him gaping)

Shawn: (Rasping, pointing) It’s her!

Cory: She was in out fantasy.

Topanga: What fantasy?

Cory: No fantasy.

Miss Valentine: Mr. Feeny has graded your tests from last Friday. (Hands out papers)

Cory: (Reading his grade) a B! Not bad!

Shawn: (Reading his grade) a D? Alright, let me take care of this. After all, we do have some history.

Cory: She was in our fantasy. (Topanga looks at him evilly) (To Topanga) Say kiss.

Topanga: Kiss. (They kiss, a peck) (Shawn gets up to confront Miss Valentine, Cory & Topanga watch. A slapping sound is heard, and Shawn returns to his desk nursing his cheek)

Shawn: Apparently it wasn’t her… (Cory nods)