07x06 - They're k*lling Us

[bunniefuu]

Opening Credits

[SCENE – The interview. In an interview style, Cory and Shawn address the audience in front of a black background.]

Topanga: (She and Cory look at teach other, then into the camera) We’ve come to you because we have a very big problem.

Cory: And who better to come to than you?

Topanga: We had no idea planning a wedding was gonna be so difficult.

Cory: It’s like riding a pogo stick in a mind field. Boom! Boing… Boom! Boing…

[Cut to Topanga, Angela, and Rachel’s apartment. Topanga is sitting on the couch reading “Tomorrow’s Bride,” tapping her fingers impatiently]

Topanga: (Shuts magazine) (Calling out) Come on, what’s taking you guys so long? (Pause) (While clapping hands) Come on, come on, come on, come on!!

(Enter Angela in a hideous pink, little-bo-peep dress. Followed by Rachel in an identical one. Neither looks very happy, and their body language shows it. They walk to the front of the kitchen and stop to show Topanga. Angela sighs.)

Topanga: (Tearing up) Those are the most beautiful dresses... I have ever seen.

Rachel: (Looks to Angela despairingly) Oh, no…

Angela: Topanga, do you think maybe you’re a little too emotional to make the right decision about this? (gestures to the dresses)

Topanga: Those are the most beautiful dresses I’ve…

Angela: (Interrupting) Okay, okay, alright…

Topanga: Where’s Morgan? I want to see how beautiful my future sister looks.

Rachel: (Calling) Hey Morgan! Come on out! (Sarcastically) Share the joy!

(Morgan enters in another one of the hideous dresses, but stops at the railing above Topanga)

Morgan: (To Topanga) What are you, psycho? (Walks over next to Angela & Rachel)

Topanga: (In awe) Morgan! You look so beautiful!

Morgan: (Stepping forward) We look like clowns!

Angela: (Pleading) Beautiful clowns!

Rachel: Cirque du Soleil clowns.

Morgan: (Turns to Rachel & Angela) No, horn-honking, big-shoe-wearing clowns!

Rachel: (Quietly, slightly shaking head, as though asking to stop) Honey…

Morgan: (Pointing) Shut up. (Steps between Angela and Rachel, then turns to Topanga and points) I ain’t wearin’ it. (Crosses arms)

[Cut back to “the interview”]

Topanga: Okay. So, you know, there’s a little controversy over the bridesmaids’ dresses. But I really thought that if I just expressed my feelings everyone would understand. (Smiles and shrugs, turns to Cory)

[Cut back to Rachel, Angela, and Topanga’s apartment. Topanga is now twirling a parasol daintily in front of her]

Topanga: (To camera) See? They come with parasols! (Picks up two more, hands them out) And the best part is that after the wedding, you guys are obviously gonna want to wear these dresses over and over again. (Grins)

Morgan: (Angrily) Ugghhhh!! (Slips off dress, she is wearing undergarments beneath) (Kicks the dress, begins hitting it with the parasol) Die, dress! DIE! (Her hat falls off) DIE! DIE!! (Angela and Rachel attempt to detain her)

Angela: Oh, God! Okay, honey!

Rachel: It’s dead! It’s dead!

Angela: It can’t hurt you anymore! (Holds out her arm to block Morgan) (Her and Rachel look up to Topanga and step towards her) Okay, sweetie. Hey, how ya doing? Good? You good? You okay? Okay, well, about these lovely, lovely dresses.

Rachel: Maybe it’s possible…

Angela: …that we are not…

Rachel: …lovely enough…

Angela: …for them.

Topanga: (Crossed arms) Just cut the crap. At least Morgan was honest. Well that’s it. (Throws arms in the air, steps away) If you guys can’t put on these dresses and get caught up in the magic of my southern belle wedding then… (Teary southern accent) Who needs y’all? (Looks away)

Morgan: You’re from Philadelphia, stupid!

Cory: (Voiceover) A southern belle wedding?

[Cut to “the interview”]

Cory: (Scratches the back of his head, to Topanga) When, uh, when did we decide on that?

Topanga: Every wedding has to have a theme, Cory.

Cory: For what reason, my darling?

Topanga: Because it does.

Cory: For what reason, my darling?

Topanga: (Excitedly) I want ours to be “Gone with the Wind”. (Smiles and shrugs elatedly)

Cory: (Takes his arm from around Topanga’s shoulders) Frankly, my dear, that’s not the theme I want.

Topanga: Really? What’s yours?

Cory: (Shrugs) “Have a nosh with Cory and Topanga”!

Topanga: (To camera) Do you see what I’m dealing with here? Plus, we have a guest list of 270.

Cory: And a hall that seats 80.

Topanga: But we’re not panicking because we know a lot of people won’t show.

Cory: And many of the old people have shrunk. (Topanga looks at Cory with horror) (Sadly) I miss Grandpa Poppy.

Topanga: (Reassuringly) We all do, honey.

Cory: (Sadly) No one should die in prison!

Topanga: (To camera) See, while everyone else may be going crazy over this wedding, we at least have been keeping it together. (Smiles and looks to Cory, who is obviously trying his best not to cry.)

[SCENE – Student Union. Cory and Topanga are sitting next to each other on the couch. Cory reads the paper, while Topanga talks to him.]

Topanga: For our honeymoon…

Cory: (Quickly shuts paper) Honeymoo-oon!

Topanga: I was thinking we could go trekking in Peru, scuba-diving in the Caribbean, or river rafting down the Colorado.

Cory: (Chuckling, waving his hand) It’s not necessary.

Topanga: Cory, I’ve made a ton of suggestions and you don’t like any of them.

Cory: Well, that’s because you haven’t mentioned the one place that I wanna go.

Topanga: (Eagerly, leans in) Where’s that?

Cory: You know… (Nods suggestively)

Topanga: (Scolding) Cory!

Cory: I want it.

Topanga: Cory, I’m beginning to think this wedding is just a prelude to sex for you.

Cory: (Sarcastically) That’s brilliant, Sherlock!

Topanga: Oh, so you’re just marrying me so we can consummate our relationship?

Cory: Me and 900 million other guys!

Topanga: Cory, I’m beginning to think you’d be fine if we just spent our honeymoon in any old hotel!

Cory: (Arms in the air, like “whatever…”) Or in the road…

Topanga: (Disgusted) Cory, that’s sick! (Stands)

Cory: (Stands) That’s sick? I’m sick?! (To room) You know what’s sick, everyone? (Paces around the couch) We have been in a relationship for seventeen years, and do you know what I’ve gotten in all that time?! (Turns to Topanga) LET ME TOUCH SOMETHING!!

[Quick cut to “the interview,” Cory’s hand is on his cheek, he gently slaps his face as though to say “Look what I’ve done…”, then cut back to the scene.]

Cory: (Steps forward to Topanga) Do you understand that you owe me?

Topanga: (Giving in) Yes.

Cory: Do you intend to pay me?

Topanga: (Nods) Yes.

Cory: In the road?

Topanga: (Agreeably) Yes, in the road.

Cory: (Less demanding) And you’ll call me Don Francisco? (Subtly, nods hopefully)

Topanga: (Restrains laughter, smiles) Yes.

Cory: Yes, who?

Topanga: (Smiling broadly) Yes… Don Francisco.

Cory: Alright, I’ll marry ya! (Kisses her exaggeratedly with a “Mwah!” then runs off. Topanga sits, smiling, reflecting on what just happened, then shaking her head.)

[SCENE – “The interview”]

Cory: (To camera) But see, that was only the beginning.

Topanga: Yes, planning the wedding got a lot worse.

Cory: Because the next thing I had to do was pick a best man. (Topanga nods) Now obviously, the choice came down to my brother or my best friend.

[Cut to Shawn & Cory’s dorm room. Shawn is sitting on his bed, sifting through some papers. Cory reads in his bed.]

Shawn: Hey, Cor, listen, as far as the wedding goes, I’m sure you’re under a lot of pressure about the whole best man situation. (Stands, steps towards Cory)

Cory: Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that.

Shawn: I think you should pick Eric. It’s the right thing to do.

[Cut back to “the interview”. Cory is leaning in to the camera.]

Cory: My best friend. My absolute best friend who I love…

Topanga: (Rubs Cory’s back) Cory, we get it, move on with it.

Cory: (looks back to Topanga, then into the camera again) My point is he’s the greatest guy there is!

[Cut back to Cory & Shawn’s dorm. Now, Cory is standing]

Cory: You’re the greatest guy there is.

Shawn: Hey, it’s no big deal. I understand completely. He’s family. He’s blood. He’s your brother. (Sits on Cory’s bed) No bond is more sacred than that.

Cory: (Sits next to Shawn, exhales) You know he’s gonna drop the rings down the minister’s pants.

Shawn: And dive right in after them.

Cory: With both hands. Causing the minister to freak.

Shawn: And cough.

Cory: (Smiling) And cough. And they’ll knock over the candles and set the entire church on fire.

Shawn: And here comes the fire department with their hoses and axes, chopping up everything in sight. And Topanga’s gonna blame…

Cory: (Looks up in realization) Me. And I don’t get nothin’ on the honeymoo-oon! (Looks devastated) (Looks at Shawn) Shawn, give me one good reason I should pick Eric as the best man.

[Cut to later. Now, Eric is in the room, not Shawn.]

Eric: Because I’m bigger than he is, and stronger (Flexes muscles) than he is.

Cory: (Pause) So?

Eric: (Increasing excitement) “So?” “So?” So don’t you want somebody who’s strong enough to lift you up for the traditional “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow” dance?

Cory: I’ve actually never heard of the “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow” dance.

Eric: Oh, here, I’ll show you.

Cory: No, I’d prefer you didn’t.

Eric: No, well you’re gonna! (Bend down to pick up Cory)

Cory: No Eric, I… Eric, I– (Eric picks him up) (manically) YOU’RE GONNA KNOCK DOWN THE CANDLES!! (He does, and the curtain catches fire, the fire alarm goes off)

Eric: (His back to the fire) Hee-hee! (Singing) For he’s a jolly good fellow! For he’s a jolly good fellow!

Cory: (Staring at the fire as Eric bounces him on his shoulder) Oh my god. Oh my god, look, it’s happening! (Angrily) Eric, look what you did! ERIC!!

Eric: (Puts down Cory, turns to face the fire. Laughs) (Singing to same tune as before) The curtain’s on fire, the curtain’s on fire. (The door gets chopped in by firemen. Cory yells) (Still singing with that tune) They’re chopping up the dorm room! They’re chopping down the up room!

Cory: (Singing in tune) MY BROTHER IS A MOR-ONN!! (Firemen enter, destroying the place in an attempt to put out the fire)

Eric: (Singing in tune) Which nobody can deny! (Does robot dance move, laughs. Cory tackles him onto the bed in anger)

[SCENE – “The interview”]

Cory: (Leaning into camera, with force) And that’s why Shawn’s my best man, and Shawn’s my best man, and I don’t want to hear anything from anybody! (Leans back tiredly) (Exhaling) Hooo… (To Topanga) You talk now, I got, like, a rip here in my pancreas. (Clutches side)

Topanga: (Massaging Cory’s shoulders, to the camera) He’s always so tense, I don’t know why that is.

Cory: (Accusingly) No, but you know where the shoe department is.

Topanga: (Stops the massage) Can we please talk about something positive?

Cory: What was positive?

Topanga: Well, how about those talk you had with your father? How proud he is of his little man.

Cory: (To camera) Yeah, Dad and I had some talks, alright.

[Cut to the Matthews’ living room. Alan is on the couch, Cory stands nearby. Eric sits in the opposite easy chair]

Alan: (Enraged) You chose Shawn as your best man? Over your own flesh and blood? (Looks away) You’re dead to me…

Amy: (Entering from upstairs) What did I just hear?

Cory: “You’re dead to me”! Your husband just said that to your own son.

Amy: Alan!

Cory: (To Alan) Do you have any idea how scarring that is?

Amy: (As if asking why) Alan!

Alan: (Sternly) He chose Shawn as his best man.

Amy: (To Cory) You scum. (Sits)

Alan: (Pats couch) Sit down.

Eric: Yeah, sit down, scum!

Alan: (Cory sits) Let me tell you what happens in this family. Your mother and I met, and we fell in love, and we got married. And from that love we had a son. (Eric pops between Amy and Alan from behind the couch, then kisses Alan’s cheek then Amy’s and smiles broadly) And we were a family: your mother, me, and Eric.

Eric: (Rests cheek on Amy’s shoulder) And yet there was a void.

Alan: Eric, more than anything else wanted a baby brother. More than anything else.

Eric: (Emotionally) I love you, Cory…

Alan: And we had you, Cory. And Eric had a brother. And the two of you could go through the world together

Amy: Looking out for each other, taking care of each other.

Alan: Putting each other first.

Eric: (Fake) That’s all I wanted.

Alan: Now we haven’t asked much from you.

Eric: But they’re gonna ask something now.

Alan: It’s your decision, but if it means anything to you, we would like your brother to be your best man.

Cory: (Pause) Yeah, fine. Good. Whatever you want.

Eric: (Stands) (Celebratory) Yeah!! (Struts towards Cory) Eric Matthews: best man. I accept, my brother! (playfully hits Cory’s shoulder. Know something? (Sits on the couch arm) Kinds knew that was gonna happen, had a little feeling, so (take a sparkler from his breast pocket) I think this calls for a little celebration. (Lights the sparkler)

Cory: (To Alan and Amy) Watch this.

Eric: (The sparkler is lit, staring into it) This is the eternal flame of the love of the Matthews… HOT!! (Throws the sparkler behind him, sucks on his supposedly burnt fingers. The back of the room erupts into flames, and everyone is freaking out, scared, except Eric, who is only concerned with his fingers.

[Cut back to “the interview”, Cory once again slaps his cheek. Topanga shrugs. Cut back to the Matthews’ living room. The fire alarm is going off, with firemen destroying the room in an attempt to stop the fire. Cory sits on the couch, Alan and Amy, terrified, stand behind it. Eric is sitting on the couch’s arm with a dopey, ignorant smile on his face.]

Alan: (Yelling to Cory) He’s out! Shawn’s in!

Amy: (Yelling) Somebody save the baby! (Runs upstairs) Somebody save the baby! (Exits upstairs with Alan behind her)

Eric: (Blissfully and ignorantly happy) Sparklers are fun. (Cory tackles Eric off the couch. The frame freezes with the two in midair)

[Cut back to “the interview”]

Cory: So, anyway, I have my best man and I’m very happy.

Topanga: I’m not.

Cory: (Quickly) Yes, but I am. (He and Topanga look at each other) And I am Don Francisco.

Topanga: (To camera) I mean, I know it was supposed to be an honor and everything…

[Cut to Topanga, Angela, and Rachel’s apartment. Amy is on the couch reading “Tomorrow’s Bride” with Morgan sitting nearby in her hideous bridesmaids’ gown.]

Topanga: (Voiceover, continued line) …but, come on!

Amy: (Calling) Come on, what’s taking you so long? (Waits a second) (Quickly, impatiently) Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!!!

(Enter Topanga in a wedding gown possibly uglier than the bridesmaids’ dresses. It’s a dingy-looking, off-white dress with a foot-fight thingy on the top of Topanga’s hair. Topanga looks quite unhappy as she walks to the front of the kitchen to present to Amy)

Amy: (Happily) Oh, (stands) will you look at that? My wedding dress fits you perfectly! (Topanga nearly gags, looks to Morgan, who has an enormous smile)

[Cut back to “the interview”]

Topanga: I mean, I don’t wanna offend anyone. And my family’s feeling are the most important thing to me. (To Cory) But if she thought I was going to get married in that freaking monstrosity, she must’ve been hitting the sauce!

Cory: (Pause) Very nice.

[Cut back to Topanga’s apartment, continued from earlier]

Amy: I want to know that this gown has been in my family since the Civil w*r.

Topanga: (Less than enthused) Musty little devil, ain’t it?

Amy: (Steps forward, begins playing with the dress’s shoulder) Every woman in my family history that has worn this dress has had a long and healthy life. In fact, except for the engagement ring, which I already gave to you, (briefly, leans into Topanga lovingly and smiles) there is no more important possession that I own. So, please, do me the honor of being married in it. (Hugs her from behind, kisses her cheek. Topanga looks nervous)

Topanga: (Worried) Oh… Poo.

Morgan: (Stands) (Lying) That is the mostly beautiful dress I’ve ever seen. (Covers her mouth as though she’s about to cry)

Amy: Oh, you’re happy for you’re new sister, that is so sweet.

Morgan: Yup, I think she deserves that dress.

Topanga: (Pause) (Abruptly, roughly) Bite me!!

[Cut back to “the interview”]

Topanga: I don’t know… I just lashed out. It was as if I was possessed by the ghost of your Nana Booboo.

Cory: (Suddenly crying) Nana Booboo! I miss you! (Suddenly not crying, to Topanga) Is Nana Booboo dead?

Topanga: No.

Cory: No. And so it was at this crucial point of the chaos that is our wedding that we finally decided to regain control and call in… (he and Topanga lean forward) a professional.

[SCENE – Wedding call. Judy Habberfeld, the wedding planner, is standing in the doorway interlocked with Cory on one arm and Topanga on the other. NOTE: Throughout the scene, Judy speaks with an English accent]

Judy: When Judy Habberfeld plans your wedding, Judy Habberfeld is there for you. (Steps into the room) From guest list, to guest last, (Giggles) first dance to grand finale (lets go of Cory & Topanga) there is no detail to small for Judy Habberfeld. (The three circle around a table nicely set up, as an example)

Topanga: We’ve heard wonderful things about you, Miss Habberfeld.

Judy: (Appreciatively) Aww… Please, call me Judy Habberfeld.

(Enter Alan and Amy, somewhat rushed)

Amy: Hi, I’m so sorry we’re late.

Alan: Yeah, I hope we didn’t miss any of the planning. But you couldn’t be too far in because my wallet doesn’t feel any lighter. (Him and Amy laugh) Hey-O!!

Judy: (Decreasing laughter) Oh, alright. Well, that’s enough. Um, about the guest list, I understand this hall seats eighty, but I can’t possibly fit more than sixty-five with the theme out bride has in mind.

Topanga: But we invited 270.

Judy: (Laughs) All right, now, I understand that the father of the groom has agreed to pay for the beverages and the music, and with the budget you have allowed me, I have assembled your musical… (searches for the word) choices over there. (Gestures across the room)

(The camera cuts to the other side of the room, where, on a stage, an ensemble of “musicians” has gathered. Among them are a man dresses as a butler taking a swig from a flask, two horrible Elvis impersonators standing over a xylophone, a white guy wearing an odd mariachi outfit and sunglasses, a guy next to him in a gray suit with a guitar and a harmonica, and woman in a sequined shirt with an enormous drum, and a DJ with giant blue pants and a cigarette standing over a keyboard. Needless to say, they are a pitiful bunch. A hip-hop b*at beings sounding)

Cory: (To the bunch, amused) Is business a little slow, boys?

The Bunch: (Nodding) Yeah…

Alan: (Leans close to Cory) Don’t worry, Cor, I gotcha covered. (Shouting) Hey-O!! Come on in! (Waves pointed fingers into the room)

(Enter Feeny wearing a snappy suit and hat to match. As he enters, he places a jazzy tune on his trumpet)

Feeny: (Finishes the tune, wipes his mouth) Oh, yeah! (Laughs) (Cory and Topanga have ridiculously fake smiles plastered on their faces)

[Cut back to “the interview”. Cory and Topanga hold smiles throughout the scene, even as they talk through gritted teeth.]

Cory: Do you have any idea how hard it is…

Topanga: …to keep a smile on your face…

Cory: …under these circumstances?

[Cut back to the wedding hall, with Cory & Topanga’s fake smiles]

Alan: Isn’t it wonderful, Cory? (puts his arm around Feeny) George and his jazz group have agreed to be the band at your reception… for free! (Pats Feeny’s shoulder happily)

Feeny: Consider it my present to the bride and groom.

Cory: (Still with that fake smile) A blender would’ve been just lovely. (Topanga nods in agreement)

Alan: Now if I can just figure out how to water down the drinks, I could get out of the whole thing for about seventy bucks! (Rubs hands together excitedly)

Judy: (As Feeny puts down his trumpet, she approaches from behind) (seductively) Georgie… (Feeny looks terrified) Georgie Feeny is that yoooooou?

Feeny: (To self) Oh, please, no.

Judy: Georgie, it’s me, Judy… Habberfeld… Judy Habberfeld!

Feeny: (Quickly turns to face Judy) (Mock happiness) Judy! (Throws arms in the air)

Judy: Habberfeld!

Feeny: (Quietly laughing uncomfortably) You know, I was gonna call! (Points) I was, b-b-but I… uh, moved. Out of state. Mission for the, uh, government. Espionage. All very hush-hush. (Waves hand around) (Pause, makes a telephone-like sound) (Talking into his watch) Whaddya got for me, chief? (Holds watch to ear, nods exaggeratedly) North Korea, damn. (Into watch) I’ll be right there. (Running exit)

Judy: (Turns to the Matthews family) Do you know, they all do that. Every stinking one of them. (Suddenly happy) But! I plow on…

(Enter Shawn)

Shawn: Hey! Feeny just jumped over a wall and landed in the pool.

Judy: (Gesturing to Shawn) Really, who is this person? I’m Judy Habberfeld.

Shawn: (Looking at Judy, addressing the room) Yeah, that’s the name he was screaming. (Turns to Cory & Topanga) What’s up, guys?

Cory: I don’t know, we’re overbooked by a thousand, Dad’s trying to save money by using Feeny as the band, and Topanga’s left eye is beginning to twitch. (Lo and behold, it has)

Topanga: (Eye twitching) Is not! (Looks away ashamedly)

Shawn: Well, Topanga, have I got a surprise for you.

Topanga: Please… no…

Shawn: (Turns to the door) Ladies! Front and center! (Claps three times) Let’s go, come on!

(Enter Rachel, then Angela, then Morgan all dresses in Topanga’s hideous bridesmaids’ dresses)

Shawn: (Impressed) Ah? Ha, ha, ha? (To the girls) Okay, who wants to go first?

Rachel: (Steps forward with a cheesy smile) (Obviously reciting lines) I totally love my bridesmaid’s dress. (Pause, as though she said it wrong) I totally love my bridesmaid’s dress. (Topanga’s eye is twitching even worse) (Steps back, almost trips)

Angela: (Steps forward) (Better than Rachel, but still as though reciting lines) I feel like a delicate Georgia peach in this dress and I am thrilled to wear it. Thank you. (Steps back)

Morgan: (Steps forward) (Acting, just like Rachel and Angela) I was very selfish and inconsiderate yesterday. This is your wedding and I’m gonna tell you the truth. (Looks back to Shawn, who smiles and nods her one) (Suddenly very hurtful and serious, if not angry) You’re friends are stinking liars, Shawn paid them fifty bucks each, and I would use this dress to wipe my…! (Alan interrupts her but grabbing her and covering her mouth with his hand. He then drags her out, trying to laugh to mask the situation)

(Enter Eric, covered in a huge black cloak, with Jack, who is dressed normally, but looks distraught. Spanish music plays with their entrance.)

Eric: Hello, everyone.

Jack: (To Eric) Okay, don’t do this. Look at me, I’m beggin’ ya.

Eric: Quiet, half-breed! (Steps forward, Jack shakes then hangs his head) There are some people in this room who shall remain nameless – Cory and mommy and daddy! – that don’t think I’m best man material. Well, I’m sorry I have to do this, Cory. (Topanga’s twitching has worsened more)

Jack: (To Eric) Rethink this, alright? It’s a bad move!

Eric: (A jibberish word) Haspessa!! (Holds hand to Jack’s face to shut him up) You know something, Topanga? (Unties cloak neck) If I can’t be the best man, then I’m gonna be the groom. (Throws back the cloak, revealing a yellow silk robe with black lapels a la Hugh Hefner. It’s quite tacky. However, Eric tries to make a sexy pose) (Topanga’s left eye has now shut, and her right eye is twitching) Topanga, I love you. I’ve always loved you. Ever since I saw you through that peephole in the bathroom… (Topanga’s face is…. Indescribable) And I know how you’ve secretly longed for me, as well! So, Topanga, let’s just drop the cherod! (that word was “charade”) (Takes a yellow silk handkerchief from his breast pocket, quickly swipes the floor beneath him with it, and kneels, holding out his hand) Topanga, marry me and let’s make nik-nik!

Cory: (To Topanga, embarrassed beyond words) Get him…

Topanga: (Yelling) AAAHHHHHHH!!! (Dives at Eric to att*ck him. The frame freezes with Topanga in midair)

Topanga: (Voiceover) So I’m afraid that all of our horrible experiences have brought us here.

[Cut back to “the interview”]

Cory: We knew that planning a wedding was gonna be tough. But I don’t think any of us are gonna survive this engagement.

Topanga: There’s no way we’re gonna make it until June. There’s just no way. (Left eye twitches) I’d do something very bad to Eric. I will…

Cory: (Turns to Topanga, who’s eye is still twitching) Topanga…

Topanga: I know! I’m twitching. (Looks at him) Back off. (To camera, no more twitching) Please, we’re asking you to understand. This wedding is the most important day of our lives.

Cory: But you people have turned this sacred, beautiful event into a freak show.

Topanga: We all mean well, we just don’t think we’re gonna be able to survive and eight-month engagement.

Feeny: (Voiceover) One question…

[Cut to the Matthews’ living room. It turns out “the interview” had been Cory & Topanga talking to their family and friends from the couch the whole time. Feeny sits in the easy chair with Eric and Morgan on the couch. Amy, Alan, Jack, Rachel, Shawn, and Angela all stand above them. Morgan, Angela, and Rachel are in the horrid bridesmaids’ dresses]

Feeny: (Continued line) You’re gonna go through with it this time, aren’t you?

(Topanga and Cory look at each other with smiles, adoringly. Cut to black)