01x04 - Cult Patrol

[bunniefuu]

[CLIFF] Previously on Doom Patrol...

[VIC] I'm staying here until
I find Niles Caulder.

[SILAS] You've been here a day.

Palling around with a bunch of...

- inept circus freaks.
- [MONKEY SCREECHES]

[CLIFF] Who d*ed and
made you team leader?

[RITA] We're not heroes.

We're the ones who don't do anything.

[VIC] You're a chickenshit.

You're right. I am afraid
to look for Niles.

What do you want from me?

[LARRY] Ever since you decided
to live inside my body,

my life has been a nightmare.

I had everything, and
you f*cked it all up!

You f*cked it all up.

[VON FUCHS] Tell me, Jane.

Are you not the core persona
inside your little menagerie,

to your inner demons?

You are one of many personalities

trapped within a single body.

Auf Wiedersehen, m*therf*cker.

[GROANS]

[GRUNTING]

[CLIFF] Oh, God, what did I do?

[EXCLAIMS]

- I'm sorry.
- Don't.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Elliot ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Ah-ah.

Oh, right. Sorry.

In the beginning, there was the light.

And the light created a shadow.

[ALL] And the shadow was good.

[MARTHA AND TODD CLAPPING]

[ALL] In the beginning,

there was the light.

And the light created a shadow.

And the shadow was good.

- Mom?
- Yes, dear.

When do I get to save the world?

Soon.

When the Book is finished,
all will be clear.

Isn't that right, honey?

[NOISEMAKER TOOTS]

[MARTHA CHUCKLES]

[MARTHA] Where's the happy birthday boy?

- _
- There you are.

[CHUCKLES] I baked your favorite.

- [ELLIOT] Wow.
- [MARTHA CHUCKLES]

- [ELLIOT CHUCKLES]
- Oh, fudge. I forgot the Kn*fe.

Run!

You're not here to save the world,
son. You're here to end it.

You're not the savior. You need to...

[GURGLING]

[CHOKING]

Whoopsie daisy.

[TODD THUDS ON FLOOR]

That was a close one.

Today is the day, Elliot.
The Book is complete.

It's your day to save the world.

It's going to be fantastic!

Sweetie...

Come back down.

This cake isn't gonna eat itself.

Elliot...

You get down here and you eat
this f*cking cake, Elliot!

[CLOCKS TICKING]

[SIGHS]

The past few days I've
had the sinking feeling

the Cult of the Unwritten
Book was active again.

Feels different this time.

Like the bastards might have
actually pulled it off.

Signs are bloody everywhere,
if you know where to look.

_

[FATHER CUERVO PRAYING IN SPANISH]

[CRYING AND SCREAMING]

[MURMURING IN SPANISH]

[ALARM CLOCKS RINGING TOGETHER]

"Who k*lled Cock Robin?

'I,' said the sparrow,
'with my bow and arrow.'"

[PRAYING IN SPANISH]

"'I,' said the fly, 'with my little eye,

- 'I saw him die.'"
- [SWORDS CLANGING]

[BANGING ON WALLS]

[WHIMPERING IN SPANISH]

"'Who'll dig his grave?'

'I,' said the crow. 'For
I will bury him... '"

sh*t! "'Where only death can grow!'"

[NUNS SCREAMING]

[SIGHING]

[BABY CRYING]

[BABY CONTINUES CRYING]

[SHUSHING]

[GASPING]

[SCREAMING]

[GASPS]

[CLARA] Daddy...

Can I nap with you?

Of course you can. Come here.

[SIGHING]

[ROBOTIC WHIRRING]

- [YELLS] What the f*ck?
- Hey, Jane. I didn't... Wait.

Don't f*cking touch me!

- Don't talk to me!
- Okay.

- Okay, Jane...
- I'm not Jane.

I'm f*cking Hammerhead.

[NILES] And your wife, Sheryl.
How did you meet her?

[LARRY] Bishop John Carroll High School.

Class of ' .

We were high school sweethearts.

[SIGHING]

And when did you meet Staff
Sergeant John Bowers?

- [LARRY] Excuse me?
- [NILES] John Bowers.

He was your mechanic.

[LARRY] f*ck you.

What happened last night?

Why was Jane in my room?

[HAMMERHEAD] I told you
not to talk to me.

And I hear you. But, can
you at least tell me

why Jane was in my room?

That wasn't Jane.

[HAMMERHEAD] Jane's taking a time out.

That was Baby Doll and
she f*cked up, too.

That's why I'm here.

Did I do something wrong?

- Ya think?
- What? What did I do?

Paraguay.

[CLIFF] Paraguay? What about Paraguay?

[ANGRILY] I'm not your
therapist. You figure it out.

Huh?

Just to get us up to date on the
Chief's possible whereabouts,

there are known
dimensions in the universe.

As you can see, I've mapped them.

Our challenge as a team,
is to pinpoint...

- [VIC] Yes?
- We're not a team.

You keep saying we're a
team. We're not a team.

You wanna find the Chief,
don't you? I know I do.

Larry? Cliff? What about you?

Do you wanna find the Chief?

- [LARRY] Sure.
- [CLIFF] Sure.

[VIC] See?

A group of people...

A common goal.

Looks like a team to me.

Yeah...

- Where's Rita?
- I'm right here.

I guess my invite got
stuck at Western Union

or is this what passes as
a cold shoulder nowadays?

Neither.

It's a meeting about where we
stand in search for the Chief.

Apparently, there's dimensions.

I see that, yes.

[VIC] Rita, you're welcome
to sit in if you want,

but I just figured,
given our conversation,

you'd probably wanna sit this one out.

You know, not being into it and all.

But I'm sure we can think of
something for you to do if you want.

Where was I?

- [VIC] If we look at the fundamentals...
- [HAMMERHEAD] Jesus, f*ck.

[VIC] ... at the subatomic
level and the atomic level...

Thanks for standing up for a gal, Larry.

Remind me never to count
on you for anything.

Not in the mood, Rita. Not today.

Of course not. You're on his side.

[LARRY] Oh, right.

You want me to pretend
Vic was lying about you.

Just try supporting me for once.

Jane has Cliff. Who do I get?

You think I have a choice?

This thing inside me
wants to be involved.

- Just...
- [KIPLING] Caulder!

[WHISPERS] Who is that?

[KIPLING] Caulder! You old c**t.

Where the hell are you?

[KIPLING] The Cult of the
Unwritten Book's on the march.

Excuse me, sir.

- Caulder!
- Sir!

[LARRY] Niles Caulder isn't here.

Where the hell is he?

We don't know where he is,

or for that matter, when he'll be back.

But, if you'd like to leave a message,

maybe tell us who you are...

A message? Sure.

How's this? "Dear, Caulder, you w*nk*r,

I need my penny you nicked.

'Cause the world's about
to f*cking end. Again."

Signed, "Your old pal, Kip."

That's your name? Kip?

Name's Kipling. Willoughby Kipling.

Knights Templar, in
case you're wondering.

Don't suppose that means
anything to either of you.

I'm very big in the
world of, shall we say,

international strangeness.

So go ahead. Check me out.

In the meantime, I'll be in
that bag of goat sh*t's office.

Saving the world.

So Caulder never told any of you freaks

about the Cult of the Unwritten Book?

The who of the what?

What's the Cult of the Unwritten Book?

g*dd*mn nightmare, for starters.

They're hellbent on bringing out
the destruction of the world.

The Book, which they believe
to be the word of God,

is being written as we speak.

Once it's completed,

the Cult will attempt to read it.

If successful, the Eye will be summoned.

The Decreator.

And the world will be unmade.

Who is this guy?

Is he someone's uncle?

[KIPLING] There you are.

The Little Sisters of
our Lady of the Razor

paid me a visit this morning.

Nuns.

A straight razor in each hand.

Cut through walls.

Doesn't take a rocket scientist
to know it's a sign.

Book is close to being finished.

- [GLASS SHATTERS]
- Oh...

Hmm.

So...

We need to find the Book...

before the Cult finds him.

Wait. What do you mean "him"?

- Yeah. The Book's a person.
- [RITA] That makes no sense.

[LARRY] And where's this Book?

Baphomet will tell us.

[CLIFF] Who?

The Oracle. She's coming.

[CLIFF] Is anything
gonna make sense today?

[HUMMING]

[BOTH] What the f*ck?

[BAPHOMET] ♪ After nine days ♪

♪ They let the horse run free ♪

♪ Because the Book ♪
♪ Was nearly complete ♪

♪ There is a mommy and daddy ♪

♪ Ready and happy for Elliot ♪

♪ To be the one ♪

♪ In the suburb of Salt Lake ♪

♪ In the family of Patterson ♪

♪ And the Gates ♪
♪ Are opening wide ♪

♪ To the city of Nurnheim ♪

♪ No matter how hard you try ♪

♪ Time is not on your side ♪

♪ Because I've been to ♪

♪ The desert on a horse ♪

♪ With no name ♪

I say f*ck that limey and the
horse head he rode in on.

[CLIFF] She's not wrong.

Some Mr. Bean guy comes
in off the street

and we abandon the search for the Chief?

Exactly. We're not superheroes.

No one's forcing you
to be a part of this.

We know where you stand.

[LARRY] Does his story check out?

Ish. He is a member of
the Knights Templar.

And an established Chaos Magician,

which explains some of the
weird stuff we've seen so far.

But there are a few gaps in his past.

And some shadows.

And we're supposed to just
believe drunk David Copperfield

that the world's gonna end?

[LARRY] I don't know if I trust Kipling,

but I believe the horse head.

Keep chatting. Take your time.

It's not as though we're trying to...

halt the apocalypse or anything.

You believe a blue horse head.

I do.

I just don't understand
anything anymore.

We're in.

Glad you could fit it in your schedule.

[BLOWS]

[SIZZLING]

- What is that?
- [KIPLING] What's it look like, metal tits?

It's a door.

Go through it and you
find the Book, Elliot.

So you smoke a couple of cancer sticks

and suddenly you can
open a door to anywhere?

You think that's tobacco?

[CHUCKLES]

f*ck it. Let's party.

[CLIFF] Wait!

[SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION]

[SPITS]

Ugh. What on earth was that?

Two grams of Michelangelo's ashes.

You are not well.

- [CLIFF] Close the portal.
- Close the portal.

Close the portal!

- You give me back my Book.
- f*ck off, shitbird!

[MARTHA GRUNTS]

[SIZZLING]

[ALL SIGH]

[GRUNTS]

Dear God.

Let go of me.

It's a cloaking spell.

Hides him from the Cult.

Buys us time to complete the job.

[CLIFF] We saved the kid.
What else is there?

Now we k*ll him.

- And burn him.
- No way. Not happening.

- [CLIFF] No!
- We do not k*ll kids.

Or burn books. He's both.

Folks, now is not the time
to start throwing spanners.

If he gets read,

it's Katy bar the bloody door.

Then we stop him from being read.

- There has to be another way.
- [KIPLING] Yeah, sure.

It's easy. All we have to do is

close the bloody Gates to Nurnheim.

And after that we can cure cancer.

[CLIFF] What the hell is Nurnheim?

Nurnheim is the ghost of a
city destroyed centuries ago.

Cult was trying to read him,
that's where they come from.

Okay. So we close the Gate.
How hard could it be?

The Gates...

are not Gates. It's a stigmata
on a person on their hands.

And as the Gates open, more
assassins are unleashed.

[LARRY] Assassins?

Yeah, and I don't mean MILFs
with cleavers. Look...

The only way to close the Gates

is to find the person with the
stigmata and sew the wound shut.

Any of you know how to sew?

Wow. Suddenly I'm useful.

To fight assassins. Of course.

[HAMMERHEAD] I can knit.

I knit, okay?

Dental floss?

Janis Joplin's dental floss.

The strongest known spiritual
thread in the world,

the only thing powerful
enough to sew the Gates shut.

Now, listen closely.

Don't be idiots. Don't fart around.

Just close the Gates.

I'm going with Hammerhead.

This place will be
crawling with assassins.

I should go.

Okay, except, I'm going with Hammerhead.

Okay. Cliff goes with Hammerhead.

The rest of us will stay
here and protect the kid.

Exactly where are these Gates?

[KIPLING] Good question.

This will tell us where.

f*ck it all. My last piece.

- Chewing gum?
- "Knowing gum."

It'll give me the answer.

Where can we find the Gates of Nurnheim?

[GULPS]

[LARRY] He swallowed it.

Was that on purpose?

That never digests, you know.
It's in there forever now.

Got it.

[GOATS BLEAT]

- _
- [CLIFF] Thank you, Flit.

Okay, Hammerhead.

Before the world ends,
you mind telling me

what put me on your sh*t list?

And what the hell Paraguay means?

[GRUNTS] f*ck!

[CLIFF] What?

If I tell you, will you leave me alone?

Sure.

Paraguay was an eye-opener.

All that carnage, the blood.

You had Jane conned pretty
good, but I know better.

Cliff, you're a f*cking monster.

You're just another bundle
of toxic masculinity.

Wow! That's rich

coming from someone who calls
themself "Hammerhead."

I've seen you in action.

You're every bit as aggressive as I am.

The difference is I exist for a reason.

What the f*ck is your excuse?

[STAMMERS]

We need to be prepared in case
they can't close the Gates.

Or the magic cloaking doesn't work.

This was never just about
relying on your magic.

We're prepared to fight.

I'll secure the perimeter

and make sure everything
is locked up tight.

Larry...

Can you stay close to the kid in
case anything gets through us?

[LARRY] Sure.

I need hot sauce.

[LARRY] Check the fridge upstairs.

You think Larry is different from me?

He'll be the first to
tell you he's no hero.

None of us are.

I don't see it that way.

You can't make us into
something we're not, Vic.

No matter how much you have to prove...

I'm not here to prove anything.

Bullshit.

[SIGHS] You know what?
Maybe you're right.

Maybe Larry's not a hero.

But that thing inside him is.

It might also be insane.

Look at this f*cking place.

[FATHER CUERVO PRAYING IN SPANISH]

[CLIFF] Hello?

[PRAYING CONTINUES]

How many lives were
wrecked here, you think?

In the shadows?

[CLIFF] Um...

I'm a little too busy in
my own slasher flick here

to get into all that now.

[CLIFF] Hello? Who's in there?

[EXCLAIMING]

Hey. Easy. Whoa, whoa, padre.

We're here to help stitch you up.

Me llamo Cliff.

Cliff. Well, that's all
the Spanish I got.

[PLEADING IN SPANISH]

Right. Let's keep it short and sweet.

All right. Hammerhead, you ready?

Hammerhead?

Hammerhead, help me close this
guy's stupid hand gate things!

Right.

Here.

- Let me help you, m*therf*cker!
- [CLIFF] Whoa, whoa.

Just like you helped all those
people who trusted you!

[CLIFF] What the hell are you doing...

- She trusted you!
- [WHIMPERS]

I don't know what happened to you,

but this isn't about that.

f*ck you!

[FATHER CUERVO SCREAMS]

[CLIFF] Wait! Wait!

[CLIFF GRUNTING]

Oh, sh*t.

Is this Nurnheim?

Are we in g*dd*mn Nurnheim?

This isn't snow.

You really sh*t the bed
on this one, didn't you?

That fucknut magician gave us one job.

To stop the end of the world. But, no...

You had to kick the Gate wide
open and drag me with you!

[IN BRITISH ACCENT] I'm sorry, sir.

Wait. Which one are you?

Penny Farthing, sir.

Please don't hurt me, sir.

Where's Hammerhead?

I'm stuck in Nurnheim

and I don't even get
to yell at Hammerhead?

I'm sorry, sir. Hammerhead
has been relieved.

The church was too
[STAMMERS] provocative.

God damn it!

You feel like we've
seen this place before?

[PENNY FARTHING] No, sir. I'm sorry.

Say you're sorry one more time.

Interlopers!

You have no business here.

That is technically true.

You will come with us.

All right. Penny, you ready to fight?

Yes, sir.

Seriously?

Okay, you know you f*cked
all the way up now.

You're pissing me off
even more than she did.

- [ELECTRIC BUZZING]
- [CLIFF YELLING]

Nurnheim sucks.

[CHANTING SPELLS]

[CHANTING SPELLS]

[CHANTING SPELLS]

[CHANTING SPELLS]

[CHANTING SPELLS]

[LARRY] What are you doing?

Nothing guards a threshold

like a rosary that's been
enchanted and spiced.

And one on each door.

If they can get through
that, grab the kid,

well, f*ck it all.

World's meant to end.

[LARRY] That incantation...

"Love Me Do." Or a reasonable facsimile.

"Hard Day's Night" is
much stronger, but...

can never remember the words.

Don't question the magic.

Worked well for us so far, hasn't it?

I'm sorry. You really think
this is gonna save me?

[KIPLING] I've done all I can, boy.

Let's be honest,

I'm half pissed and the rest of you
lot are jarringly incompetent.

But, uh, good luck to us all, eh?

[VIC] Grid, run a system evaluation.

Category, integrated weapons.

[GRID BEEPING]

[KIPLING] We all locked up?

As good as a rickety old house can be.

I'd be happier knowing that your
friends have got the Gates closed.

Uh-huh.

You stoned?

Running a weapons inventory.

Oh.

Me too.

Scotch. Check. Vodka.
Check. Bourbon. Check.

Gin. Check.

Are you sure you don't want a clear head

in case we have to throw down later?

God, no.

If we're fighting, I wanna
be properly rat-assed.

No.

So, what's your plan?

You zap everything that
comes through that door?

Zap? Yeah, amongst other things.

A lot of faith to put in gadgets.

The Book's not being hunted
by a pack of muggers.

I'll take science over whatever it is

that you do any day of the week.

Nobody's rooting harder for you than I.

But if your science and my whatever
it is that I do don't work...

we're gonna have to
reexamine our options.

Are you talking about k*lling the kid?

I'm talking about destroying the Book.

That Book has a name.

Elliot.

And there is no way I'm k*lling him.

Or anyone for that matter.

'Cause you're a hero.

[VIC] And what are
you exactly? Seriously?

How the hell did Niles ever
get mixed up with you?

The man that I've known since I was six

wouldn't even dream of
what you're suggesting.

Sounds like you and I know two
different Niles Caulders.

You and the rest of those idiots

have your "Chief."

A kindly uncle, quick
with a pat on the back

and some friendly advice.

And you've got Niles, the
cold-blooded k*ller?

I've got a man

who'll make the decisions
that have to be made

to keep the world spinning.

A man who's willing to
live with those decisions

and forever be haunted by them.

It's okay.

You're young.

You can afford to be a little stupid.

If you're lucky,

maybe you'll live a little longer.

Maybe they'll pack you
into a few dark corners.

Then you may surprise yourself
what you're really capable of.

[LARRY] Maybe you shouldn't
have your phone on.

Someone could track us.

[WHISTLES]

That's a beauty.

Yeah.

Fixed it up together.

All three of us. Couple hours a day.

We did everything together.

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry, Elliot.

You know, they were my only friends.

I don't even know if they loved me.

They told me I had a destiny.

I was gonna be a hero.

Save the world.

But this, I...

I don't want this.

I hate that word.

"Hero."

It's dangerous.

A title other people hang on you

and you're supposed to carry it around.

But that's what you all are, right?

No.

I tried being a hero once and
I destroyed everything I had.

You're lucky.

[SCOFFS] Lucky?

You can't live for other people.

You have to be true to yourself.

You're learning that now.

- [SIGHS]
- Took me a lifetime to figure that out.

I don't have a lifetime.

You heard Kipling. The Cult's after me.

They're gonna take me, they're
gonna read me and we die.

- You don't know that.
- I should've just stayed at home.

Let them read me, get it over with.

Don't say that, Elliot. Try
to have a little faith.

Faith?

I just saw my f*cking mom
slit my dad's throat!

f*ck your faith!

I'm sorry.

The whole world's gonna
end 'cause of me.

Maybe I should just take
care of this on my own.

Just f*cking k*ll myself.

[GRUNTS]

[NILES ON VIDEO] John Bowers.
He was your mechanic.

[LARRY] Yes, I know who he is.

I just don't feel like
talking about him.

- And why is that?
- [LARRY] Because it's pointless.

[NILES] I don't think you believe that.

[LARRY] How many times do
we have to go into my past?

- [GASPS]
- The people I know...

Oh, God.

... or knew had nothing to do with this.

This is the result of
catching a bad ride.

Do you want the world to end?

Is that it?

You think that'll get
you out of me for good?

What in God's name do you want?

Why do you keep prodding me like this?

I don't have time to
play games with you.

[NILES] There you are.

Look, I know it's easier
for you to come out

when he's under duress,

but we really must work on that.

No. I have something to show you.

Now, I know we've tried to communicate

in several ways with limited success.

But I have a feeling I
have nailed it this time.

This device could be the answer.

You are composed of an
energy yet to be discovered.

This is designed to convert energy

into an audible frequency.

All I need is for you to enter
this machine so we may attempt

to find your voice.

What do you say?

[TURNS ON DEVICE]

I only want to help you.

Both of you.

Very good.

Now, I'm going to ask you
some simple questions

and I want you to answer
through speech if you can.

Do you have a name?

[CRACKLING AND HISSING]

Where do you come from?

Where do you call home?

[CRACKLING AND HISSING]

Do you remember coming into contact
with Captain Trainor's plane?

[CRACKLING AND HISSING]

How do you sustain yourself
in Captain Trainor's body?

How do you live in there?

[GHOSTLY VOICE] t*rture.

[NILES] How's that?

t*rture? How?

Physically?

No. Hold on.

Let's keep going.

I have many more questions
I want to ask you.

[DEVICE SHATTERS]

How do you sustain yourself
in Captain Trainor's body?

How do you live in there?

[GHOSTLY VOICE] t*rture.

How's that? t*rture? How?

Physically?

No. Hold on.

Let's keep going.

I have many more questions for you.

So Larry's a hero all of
a sudden and I'm out?

That's how it's going to be,
you arrogant can opener?

[MOCKINGLY] No one's forcing
you to be a part of this.

We know where you stand.

My eye.

You idiots want to hold up here

and wait for something horrible
to carve you to pieces?

Be my guest.

Elliot. Elliot. What the hell
do you think you're doing?

Aren't you supposed to be
downstairs with Larry?

[SCOFFS] Why? So I'll be safe?

It's all pointless.

I'm fighting destiny. Why?

My life's destroyed anyway, so...

Decided I'd help everybody
out and just k*ll myself.

Well, this is only the second floor.

You wouldn't k*ll yourself.

Maybe break an arm or a leg.

Plus, to be fair, you'd
have to die and be b*rned

if you wanted to really save everyone.

It doesn't matter.

[SCOFFS] 'Cause I'm so
weak, I couldn't even try.

I'm a failure.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm a failure. And the whole
world's gonna pay for it.

Hey, stop that.

It's going to be okay.

Come here.

This world...

is a beautiful, horrible place.

It's spectacular.

You don't need the burden of ending it.

Maybe the people in this
house can't save you.

We failed before.

But can you at least let us try?

[GASPS]

Now what the hell?

[MOTHER ARCHON] Welcome, guests.

[CLIFF] Giant clowns? Nope.

[MOTHER ARCHON] Run and the
Hoodmen will only gather you again.

You may stay as our guests.

I don't want to... [STUTTERING]

be stung. It looked like it hurt.

[CLIFF] So what the hell
are you supposed to be?

[MOTHER ARCHON] We are the Archons.

The high priests of Nurnheim.

[CLIFF] Wait.

I know you.

You tried to steal the Book from me.

You're the boy's parents.

We were, but we have ascended.

A reward for protecting the Unwritten
Book until its completion.

This is your reward?

[MOTHER ARCHON] All of Nurnheim is ours.

Dad's taking a real victory lap.

His suffering was brief.

As will be our glory.

Because soon the Decreator will rise

and set right to existence and then we,

all of us, will cease to be.

I hate to break it to you,
but that's not gonna happen.

Because you are going to stop us?

[CHUCKLES] You're too late, guests.

All of Nurnheim has gone to retrieve
and read the Unwritten Book.

Good luck finding him.

We put a spell on him with
weird spit and everything.

He's invisible to you.

You can't read what you can't see.

But you're wrong.

We see everything.

Gone! You let him go?

What is wrong with you?

- I trusted you.
- I didn't do anything. It was him.

- [KIPLING] Who's him?
- [VIC] Why would he do that?

- [LARRY] Don't you get it?
- [KIPLING] Who's he?

[LARRY] He's just as screwed up as me.

You need to pull yourself together.

Nobody's gonna explain
anything to me, are they?

Elliot is fine. He's
terrible, but he's fine.

[STAMMERS] I thought you'd run off to...

k*ll myself?

Yeah, I was, uh... I
was thinking about it.

She talked me into staying safe.

I don't know why, but I thought
this horse's ass could save him.

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

Get the boy downstairs. It's them.

You're with me. You take the hall.

Make sure nobody comes downstairs. Go!

[POUNDING CONTINUES]

Can I trust you?

Can I trust it?

It does love a fight.

[POUNDING CONTINUES]

Hurry. Hurry.

- [BEADS CRUSHING]
- [RITA GASPS]

Who in the world put those there?

Oh, uh, Willoughby did. They're magic.

They're supposed to protect the lab.

He dipped them in Sriracha.

Well, let's put them
back together again.

Grid, activate sonic canon.

Science.

What's that for?

[RECITING INCANTATION]

Magic.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

That's it. They're in.

- Dry bachelors. Of course.
- Dry bachelors?

Assassins. Pain surgeons.

Made out of dead skin and
letters that were never sent.

[LARRY] Anytime now.

Whenever you're ready.

Oh, come on. Quit playing games.

[GRUNTS]

Release, or whatever.

[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]

This isn't gonna work.

It's fine. It's totally fine.

- I don't wanna die.
- [RITA] And you won't.

We're going to gather all
the little disgusting beads

and keep you safe while the others
fight whatever it is out there.

We're going to save
the world or whatever

and then I will have a stiff
Manhattan and go to bed.

[STAMMERING] I don't
care about my destiny.

I don't care about saving the
world. I just don't want to die.

Listen, I was well on my way out
of here when you stopped me.

And God knows why, I
actually did something good.

I am being a good person

and you are absolutely
ruining this moment for me.

So shut up and pick up the stupid beads!

[SWORDS CLANGING]

Behind you!

Nice science.

Nice magic.

What happened to your arm g*n thingy?

Uses up too much juice.

Besides...

we don't need it.

We got this.

Got them on the run.

Let's go clean 'em up.

No, it's not right.

They don't just leave.

Wait.

What are those?

[KIPLING] Jesus. Hoodmen.

It's the royal guard of Nurnheim.

The robot and the lunatic must
have dropped the ball on this one.

- This is bad.
- Screw 'em. We keep fighting.

[VIC] We gotta take these
things out, no matter what.

You're right. We do. Sorry.

Sorry for what?

[GRUNTING]

Ahhh!

Kipling, you... [GRUNTS]

[SCREAMING]

- Here.
- Good. Check under the chair.

That won't be necessary.

- It's over?
- We won?

Not yet. But we will.

[GRUNTS]

You have to take care of him.

There's too many of them.

[BANGING ON WALLS]

No, please.

[RITA] Elliot!

Grid, transfer all
energy to ionic grenade.

[VIC GRUNTING]

Contain it to the room and let it rip!

[VIC'S SCREAMS FADE]

So this is it? We just stare at
each other until the world ends?

Won't be long until the Book is read.

I can feel it.

The Book? You mean your son?

To me, he is the Unwritten Book.

[CLIFF CHUCKLES] I gotta
hand it to you, lady.

I've been a pretty shitty dad.

You know, checked out for a while now.

But you take the whole g*dd*mn cake.

Raising your only kid

just so you can sacrifice
him to a death cult

after k*lling his dad in front of him?

That there is some top shelf bullshit.

Back me up here, Tiny Tim.

Oh. Uh...

Very bad mother, sir.

[MOTHER ARCHON] That's
only one perspective.

To you, I am a bad mother.

To many others, I was a
good custodian of the Book.

It was always happy.

[CLIFF] No, that's not a perspective.

That's a delusion.

And the reality is you're
a f*cking psychopath.

There is no reality.

There is only perception.

The way we see things.

The way we see ourselves.

No, this can't be real.
Hey, you seeing this?

Jane? Jane?

Jane?

Then there's how we see each other.

Is this really how you see me?

Clara? You think I see
Jane as my daughter?

Stop this, please.

[MOTHER ARCHON] First...

You should see your true essence.

You're nothing more than
an organ in a container.

Are you not?

You? Young Kay?

Scared and wounded child.

But soon all will see what will be.

Because the Decreator will
make everything nothing.

[CHANTING]

[CHANTING CONTINUES]

[CHANTING CONTINUES]

[LARRY] My God. Is that the Decreator?

We're too late.

[LIGHTER CLICKS]

Maybe I should have done
"A Hard Day's Night."