02x08 - Dad Patrol

[bunniefuu]

- [MAN] Come on!
- [KAY] Please! I don't want to!

I said I don't want to.

[MAN] I told you what was gonna happen.

- Please...
- Stop dragging your dang feet, Kay!

- Come on!
- I don't want to.

[CRYING] Please don't
make me, I don't want to.

Please, Daddy, I don't wanna go!

Please don't make me.

Please.

[CRYING]

You know what happens
when you disobey Daddy.

- Now, get into the bucket.
- I don't want to, I'm sorry.

I said I was sorry.

Get into the bucket, little girl.

[WHIRRING]

[KAY SOBBING]

[SNIFFLING]

I said I was sorry.

Daddy, I'm sorry.

I said I was sorry. Please!

[SHOUTING] Please! Please,
let me up, I said I was sorry!

Please!

[QUIETLY] Please, Daddy.

No! Harry!

[CRYING] Harry!

[SOBS] Harry.

Harry, please!

Harry!

Harry!

Harry.

[WHIMPERS, CRYING]

[PRETTY POLLY] What
are you trying to say?

[JANE] I don't know...

but it's weird. First, Scarlet goes MIA,

and now Lucy Fugue.

I'm sure there's a
reasonable explanation.

Such as?

Anyone?

Something's off.

I'm not trying to point fingers,

but it just seems like
a pretty big coincidence.

Doesn't it?

- [DOOR OPENS]
- [MIRANDA] What does?

We were all doing just fine,
and then you showed up.

Oh! Is that how Flaming
Katy and Baby Doll are doing?

Just fine?

They d*ed.

They didn't disappear.

I know doom and gloom is
kind of your whole vibe,

but it's a little tragic

when you can't see hope
staring you right in the face.

They didn't disappear, Jane.

They moved on.

We're finally starting to heal.

No, that's not...

That can't...

How?

Well, that's the job
of the Primary, right?

To help Kay move forward.

Guess I'm good at what I do.

Is this true?

Are you getting better?

I want Harry.

- Who?
- [SECRETARY] Kay's stuffed animal.

For a long time, Harry
was our best friend.

Our only friend...

but,

we lost him.

Okay, then... Then, let's find him.

Where did we last see him?

The well.

The one down here?

No.

The one up there.

Kay, sweetie,

Harry's gone, remember?

Maybe it's better if we
just leave him in the past,

and we move forward.

I'll do it.

[MIRANDA] No.

We can't go back. It's too risky.

We might jeopardize all the
progress that we've made.

I agree.

It's too much, Jane.

I just want Harry.

Aren't you supposed to be
the expert on what Kay wants?

Quick reminder.

- I'm still the Primary.
- [SCOFFS]

And if she wants Harry, we get Harry.

It's not up to us to question her.

Good luck, Jane.

So, that was the stairs...

and on your left...

- [BREATHING HEAVILY]
- [CLIFF CHUCKLES]

Whoa. Are you okay?

Because I delivered some
babies in these hallowed halls.

Granted they were bald rats
the size of jellybeans, but

[CHUCKLES] it's all circle
of life, hakuna-matata sh*t.

So, if you're gonna pop, I got ya!

Ah, okay... thanks.

I still got a few weeks anyway.

[GASPS]

Hey, that, um... That man from the tape,

he's not still here, is he?

Niles? No.

And for the record,
I can't stand the guy,

but I am not gonna let that ruin this.

So, why did you come all this way?

I'm... getting married.

Oh.

Yeah.

You wanna see my room?

Where's your bed?

I'm kind of like a horse.
Don't need one.

Cool racetrack though, right?

[CHUCKLES] Hey, it came in handy

when we got shrunk
and had to live on it.

That was until Niles traded

his immortality necklace
and made us big again.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hey, dickwipe, I need you to... Oh.

Jane? You're back. Huh.

- Are you okay?
- Fine.

This is my daughter, Clara.

- Hi.
- Hey.

[CLIFF] What's up?

Never mind.

Yeah, that's Jane. She's a lot of fun.

Yeah.

- Whoa! Hey, hey!
- What?

Don't get too close to that window.

We got rats and we're in kind
of a blood feud right now. So...

- Okay, so...
- Oh, golly.

I know, it all just
seems a little crazy.

You think? I mean...

[SCOFFS] I mean, what the f*ck, dude?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Hey, so...

I know I'm years late,

but I just need to spit this out.

I'm stupid.

I f*cked up...

I'm sorry.

You got anything to eat?

sh*t, yeah!

Want some pancakes?

- All right.
- [LAUGHS]

[KIPLING] You overstepped, Bunbury.

Apology's in order.

[SQUEAKING]

Classic Bunbury.

Defiant to the end.

The hell you going on about?

[SQUEAKING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Are you sure you can't say
where we're going, Papa?

- But that would ruin the surprise.
- Oh!

Please tell me.

I'll tell you when you get back.

Here, I want some dark chocolate,

and you get whatever you want.

[DEVICE RINGING]

[DEVICE BEEPS]

- What is it?
- Chatter.

Amongst the flora and the fauna.

Bunbury's terrified.

Said the end is near, and
it got me to thinking,

what if that numpty
Niles has lost the plot?

You've got a hell of a nerve.

Look, I'm not going to stand by
and let us go tits up stardust

over some bloody tribal curse.

- I've got it under control.
- I did the research,

that prehistoric thing
will rip us to shreds

if Little Miss Sunshine
matures any further.

I can assure you my daughter
is still a little girl,

and she will remain that way. Thank you.

I think we should move
up the rendezvous.

Not on your life.

What is the difference
between now and later?

The difference is that
I get to say goodbye...

to my daughter.

Fine, then.

See you at : .

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Look, Mommy.

Uh, no, honey, mind your own business.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[DOOR OPENS]

[SIGHS]

Was this you?

[RADIO STATIC]

[BOY ON RADIO] Okay... Okay.

- Ready, Dad?
- [LARRY] All systems go, Paul.

[PAUL] Good evening, everyone.
I'm Walter Cronkite,

and this is Up to the Minute.
I'm here with Dad.

I mean, Captain Larry Trainor,

who, in one week's time will
embark on a super dangerous

X- test mission.

I'll start with the question
on everyone's mind.

Are you scared?

Oh, no, sir, Mr. Cronkite.

I have a top-notch team who work hard

to make sure everything
goes off without a hitch.

But, what if they make a mistake?

They won't.

I know a lot of people look at
this stuff like it's magic, but...

I see it as something more powerful.

What?

Math.

Numbers never make mistakes.

[RECORDER CLICKS]

Hey.

Paul, look at me.

Nothing bad is gonna happen, all right?

[MIMICS JET ENGINE]

Check your gear.

Are you buckled in?

Don't forget that. There you go.

All right, let's see. Wings
are level, and heading is .

[MIMICS RADIO CRACKLING]
"Captain Paul, this is NASA One.

We have you ready to launch
in four, three, two, one..."

[MIMICS JET ENGINE]

[SIGHS] Hey.

Space isn't such a scary place.

It's quiet,

filled with possibility...

and it's up to people
like me to show our world

just how beautiful it can be.

There won't be any mistakes.

I'm not gonna leave you, okay, bud?

All right, where's the Big Dipper?

- Right there.
- Uh-huh.

And what's in the
handle of the Big Dipper?

- The Little Dipper.
- Nice.

You'll make a great astronaut.

[SIGHS]

You know what, pal?

I'm getting a little sick of
always having to cr*ck your code.

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

I don't understand
what you want me to do.

I've tried to reach out to my family,
I've tried to make amends.

It's pretty damn clear they
want nothing to do with me.

Maybe Moscow was right.
Maybe I need to move on...

but having my past
constantly shoved in my face

isn't helping me right now, okay?

So, just tell me what you want me to do.

[SIGHS]

Is this a bad time?

What do you want, Jane?

Um...

I need to go do something,

and Cliff's busy, so...

What?

Uh, just...

put on your dumb bandages.

We're going to Arkansas.

[LARRY] Arkansas?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[WHIMPERING]

[BATHROOM DOOR OPENS]

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

- [WOMAN] You okay in there?
- [WHIMPERS]

Are you here with your mom?

No...

my father's outside.

[SIGHS]

So... [CHUCKLES]

your Aunt Flow's visiting.

I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean.

Oh, hon...

is this the first time
you've got your period?

What?

With the blood?

- Yes.
- [WOMAN SIGHS]

Well, don't fret.

It happens to all us girls.

My ma used to call it
the "Nasty Red Dragon",

but I like to think of it as
my red badge of courage.

You're gonna get some mean-ass cramps

and bleed like a stuck pig once a month,

but it's nothing a hot water bottle

and a couple of Aspirin won't fix.

On the upside, you're
joining the sisterhood.

You're gonna get some wild visions,

and your tits are
gonna grow two sizes...

and you'll get to eat the sh*t

out of some chocolate and cheeseburgers.

It's all part of growing up.

So...

I'm grown up now?

[CHUCKLES] So to speak.

Here.

Go on, take 'em, hon.

What should I do about my dress?

Well, don't you worry about that.

I am gonna get you all fixed up.

Oh, no can do!

Us women look out for each other.

I'll be back in a jiff.

What should I tell my father?

Honestly, hon,

I wouldn't tell him nothing.

Some guys just don't want
their baby girls to grow up.

You know what I'm saying?

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Have you seen this morning's paper?

"Beekeeper creates buzz".

"Mysterious Masked Beekeeper
Saves Local Cloverton Man".

Wait, that's you?

Indeed, it was.

Hmm.

- So, this is your thing now?
- That's right.

I'm a superhero, Victor.

I am...

The Beekeeper.

All right.

If we're gonna do this,
we gotta do it right.

We gotta get your superhero ass a...

- superhero car.
- Really?

No. Mmm-mmm.

A superhero jet.

We're gonna paint that thing

black and yellow and
we're gonna call it,

"The Stinger".

[BUZZES]

- f*ck off.
- [LAUGHS]

I'm gonna ask you this
question one more time.

Where exactly are you
hoping to go with this?

Well, I don't know.

[ 'S "THE AVENGERS" THEME PLAYING]

[g*nsh*t]

[THEME MUSIC CONTINUES]

[BEES BUZZING]

Rita? Rita?

Look, I think it's great that
you're trying to do more,

but you gotta take it slow.

You can't just dive straight into...

What's wrong?

[WOMAN] Hi. This is Roni.

I can't come to the phone right now...

Listen, um...

we're gonna have to pick
this up when I get back.

Are you going to Detroit?
Something happened?

I'll go with you.

Ah, here she is,

all stocked up.

- Why are you wearing...
- I got your favorite chocolate.

Wait a minute.

You said there is a surprise.

Ah, the surprise!

Yes.

Today is Dorothy Day,

and we are going to
do anything you want.

- Anything?
- Anything.

Thank you.

I would like...

Ooh, can we go to the fair?

The fair it is. Yes!

[LARRY] So, Flit can teleport
literally anywhere, right?

[JANE] Yeah.

And, we've been walking for
the past minutes because...

we just wanna get our steps in?

Because that's as close as Flit's
willing to get to this place.

This place being?

The farm where we grew up.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Lot of f*cked up sh*t
happened to the girl.

Well, if Flit's scared to go back,

aren't you?

Doesn't matter.

The girl lost something
here, I gotta get it back.

But, if coming back here is so awful,

- why do you...
- Because I just f*cking do!

Okay?

I just... I need to make
myself useful right now...

because if I don't, then...

What?

Then it was nice knowing you.

I really don't know
how any of this works.

I guess if the girl is doing
psychological spring cleaning,

then that might mean
she's getting better.

Which would be a good
thing, I know, but...

I kind of thought I was indispensable.

I...

Yeah, and you never thought you'd
be the one on the chopping block?

Yeah.

Yeah, I thought I was indispensable
to my family, too, but...

I only do them more harm than good.

There's a small chance
in hell that I might

be able to find some kind
of peace if I could just...

let go of Captain Larry Trainor, but...

I just can't.

[JANE BREATHING HEAVILY]

I don't want to fade away.

Me neither.

- [THUNDER RUMBLES]
- [LARRY SIGHS]

[SIZZLING]

[CLIFF] So, the mister...

Good guy? What kind of work does he do?

My partner's name is
Melissa. I call her Mel.

- She's a chef.
- Oh. Oh!

Wow! A gay shotgun wedding.

Love it!

You two excited to tie the knot?

[CLARA] Kind of.

I mean, when we first
met, it was like...

"It's just a piece of paper",

but then when we decided to have a kid,

everything changed, and now
that it's really happening...

f*ck!

I mean, Bump was going
on wife number four...

When it comes to f*cking up marriages,

the Steeles are pretty legendary.

I love Mel and all, I just...

feel like the odds are
stacked against me.

Okay, first off...

Steele family, not that bad.

We're no different from
any other fam... [SCREAMS]

f*ck! f*ck!

[MUFFLED YELP]

Yeah, f*cking f*ck!

What happened?

Uh, uh... Nothing.

No... Uh, nothing. All good.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

It's true you come from deadbeats,

but how many of them can
make breakfast like this, huh?

Huh?

And, hey, if my opinion
means anything...

I think you're gonna be
the one to break the cycle.

- You do?
- %.

Okay.

[CHUCKLES] Good. 'Cause...

I really don't want to
let my baby boy down.

It's a boy? It's a f*cking boy!

It's a boy!

It's a f*cking boy! [LAUGHS EXCITEDLY]

Sorry.

- [CHUCKLING] Sorry.
- It's... okay.

[RAIN PATTERING]

[LARRY] Hey.

You okay?

- [GASPS]
- [KAY'S FATHER] g*dd*mn whore!

You don't think I saw you making
eyes at that boy during church?

- I wasn't making eyes, I swear.
- Don't lie to me now, Kay!

My name is Miranda.

- [THUD]
- [GRUNTS]

You got a real listening
problem, you know that?

I told you, I don't wanna hear
none of that Miranda crap no more.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Now, get in the bucket.

Please.

Don't make me go down there.

I said, get in the g*dd*mn
bucket, little girl!

[WHIRRING]

[WHIMPERING] I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Please...

- [THUNDER CRASHING]
- Don't leave me.

[GASPS]

What's wrong?

f*cking monster.

Miranda was terrified.

[LARRY] What are you talking about?

[JANE BREATHING HEAVILY]

[LARRY] Do you need any help?

I got it.

[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Do you wanna give that one a go?

Yes, please.

I'm going to win Jane a stuffie.

[MAN] ... one ticket.

Drive your clown to the finish line.

All right, everybody, one ticket.

All right.

Here we go.

Ladies and gentlemen, on your mark,

get set,

ride!

[NILES] Go, Dorothy, go!

[MAN LAUGHING]

Yes.

Come on. Yes.

[MAN CONTINUES LAUGHING]

One more...

- [BUZZER RINGS]
- [MAN SHOUTS HAPPILY]

Dorothy!

- You won.
- I did?

- You did.
- And the winner is...

the young lady.

Pick a prize. What do you want?

Um...

Could I have the big blue bear?

Of course.

- Do you think Jane'll like it?
- She'll be over the moon.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

But that's not what I...

It is time.

What?

Dorothy?

Is that the one you wanted?

[VIC] Really? With the costume?

Are we on patrol, or are we on patrol?

Just stay here.

[RITA] Hmm.

Oh, Jesus. Now we got the pee-wee
Justice League up our asses, too.

Here to help. Hey.

Just figured I'd let you
get back to your golf game.

Or, whatever you angry, old white guys

like to do instead of working.

- Look, I didn't mean...
- Shh.

You gonna stand around
here bitchin' all day,

or you gonna tell me
what's going on here?

We're trying to locate Roni Evers.

Why her?

Security cams got her entering

Decker's home the night of the m*rder.

[WOMAN] You ever see anything like this?

- So, what do we got?
- Which one are you?

I'm The Beekeeper.

Perhaps you've read about me.

No.

Have you seen my partner, Cyborg?

Yeah, he just left.

[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[NILES] Hmm.

What about that one?

Mmm?

- Okay.
- My dear,

do you mind if I sit this one out?

I'm suddenly very tired.

- Are you sure?
- Mmm.

I'll be fine, and I'll
wait right here for you.

Hmm?

Enjoy yourself.

[GROANS]

[YELPS IN PAIN]

[COUGHING]

[DOROTHY LAUGHS]

[PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[DISEMBODIED LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHS]

[DISEMBODIED LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

[LAUGHTER STOPS]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

What's happening?

Why are you here?

[FLAMES WHOOSHING]

You...

are ready.

[FLAMES WHOOSH LOUDLY]

Mother?

[FLAMES WHOOSHING EERILY]

[CANDLEMAKER GROWLING]

It's time.

No.

I'll never let you out.

You don't have a choice.

[ROARING]

[FLAMES WHOOSHING]

[GRUNTS]

[PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[DISEMBODIED LAUGHTER]

[CANDLEMAKER] It's time.

Are you okay? Did something happen?

Yes. I don't know... I...

- [COUGHING]
- Are you okay, Papa?

[COUGHS] I'm fine, yes.

[CHUCKLES]

- I'm fine.
- Let's get you home.

I want to find one last ride
that you and I can do together.

But you look tired. Are you sure?

I'm very sure, my darling.

All right, Papa.

[CLIFF] That oughta do it.

[CLARA] Whoa. You changed my
oil, checked my tire pressure,

and topped off my wiper fluid?

What's going on?

You can't blame a guy for
wanting to make up for lost time.

Got any laundry? I'm
kidding. I'm kidding.

Hey, I was thinking, with the Mel thing,

you might have come from
the screwed-up Steeles,

but you also have Kate's
side of the family.

Knowing what you come
from is half the battle.

And you got a good head
on your shoulders, kid.

So, even if you sh*t the bed,
you'll do it with eyes wide open.

Right?

- Right.
- f*ck!

Okay, here's the deal.

If you're pissed as hell,

and you wanna run, stay.

♪ Every generation ♪

♪ Blames the one before ♪

♪ And all of their frustrations ♪

♪ Come b*ating on your door ♪

♪ I know I'm a prisoner... ♪

Okay, okay, okay.

- Thank you for the advice.
- Yeah.

Uh, I'm gonna... get on the road.

[CLIFF] Okay.

- Okay, buckle up, chuckle up.
- [CHUCKLES]

Thanks.

Hey, Dad?

- Yeah?
- You okay?

I'm fine. Why?

I know it's short notice, but, uh...

you should come.

To your wedding?

Yes! Whoo-hoo! Whoo!

- Holy sh*t-bus.
- [CHUCKLES]

Nothing can keep me away.

- [LAUGHING] Okay.
- Yeah. Yeah.

- Good.
- [LAUGHS]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[CLIFF] Okay. Yeah.

[LAUGHING]

You don't have to do this.

I can just as easily go down there.

It has to be me.

I have to show the girl

I can do things for
her the others can't do.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Things Miranda can't do.

I don't understand.

[JANE SNIFFLES]

I don't need you to understand.

I need you to hold the rope.

[LARRY GRUNTS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

He's not here.

How can he not be here?

f*ck.

He's not here.

He's not here.

[GASPING]

Oh... [GASPING]

"I don't know if you'll ever find this.

I don't even know if you'll
care enough to look..."

Please. Please don't leave me
down here. Please, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

"... but there are two things I do know.

I know you'll k*ll me
before you ever let me go.

You always let me rot down
here till the sun comes up.

That'll be all the time I need.

Nothing will ever repair
the damage you did to Kay,

but I'll do everything in my power
to make sure she's all right.

She doesn't need you anymore.

She doesn't need anyone but us".

[GRUNTING]

"I hope you die knowing your daughter

was stronger than you
could ever dream of being.

Men like you don't
deserve to be happy...

but we do.

We deserve the chance...

to try".

[GASPS]

I had no idea.

You were so much stronger
than I would have ever been.

Here.

You should be the one to give it to Kay.

I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

From now on, I'll fall in line.

I promise.

I'm glad we're finally on the same page.

What the f*ck?

What are we do...

[SCREAMS]

[MIRANDA] Is that how Flaming
Katy and Baby Doll are doing?

Just fine?

They d*ed.

They didn't disappear.

[MIRANDA] I know doom and
gloom is kind of your whole vibe,

but it's a little tragic

when you can't see hope
staring you right in the face.

First, Scarlet goes MIA,

and now Lucy Fugue.

[MIRANDA] They didn't disappear, Jane.

They moved on.

[SCREAMING]

[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]

The people are so small.

Just like us when we
stayed on Cliff's racetrack.

[NILES CHUCKLES]

- That was so much fun.
- I know, it was, indeed.

It's good to get a new
perspective once in a while.

Papa...

what if I can't be who you
want me to be anymore?

What do you mean?

What happens if I grow up?

Oh, dear, you...

[COUGHING VIOLENTLY]

Are you sure you're okay?

Yes.

I'm fine.

Dear heart,

you never have to worry about me.

And you're my wondrous,
sweet little girl...

and nothing will ever change that.

I love being out in the
world with you, Papa.

This truly was the best day ever.

I wish we'd done it sooner.

[BELL TINKLES]

[BELL TINKLES]

I just gotta know one thing.

Why?

I was dying.

I took the Uma Jelly.

- Now I'm not dying.
- I'm not talking about the Uma Jelly.

How could you k*ll a man in cold blood?

If you knew what those people did to me,

you would not be asking me that.

This is not who you are.

I was honest...

about who I was from the very beginning.

- About who you were.
- About who I am!

Who I will always be.

So, you gonna do it again?

I'm gonna do what I have to.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

This...

This meant something.

Let me go, Cyborg.

You know I can't do that.

[RONI GRUNTING]

[VIC] Stop!

- [BELL TINKLES]
- [THUNDER RUMBLING]

[RAIN PATTERING]

[GASPS]

I can see a sign for the
world's largest lollipop.

- Doesn't that sound good?
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]

Oh, yes.

I'll see you by the exit.

Thank you, Papa.

It can't be that time.

I don't think I can do this.

Which is why I'm here.

- I will handle it.
- She's my daughter!

Look, I know this isn't easy,

but we've been through this.

We have no other option.

[COUGHING]

[GROANS]

[DRIPPING]

- Bloody hell.
- No.

Apparently, your daughter's grown up.

It can't be.

So bleedin' busy being
"Father of the Year",

we missed our chance.

That incandescent beast is
coming whether we like it or not.

[COUGHING]

What are you doing?
I didn't make a wish.

[CANDLEMAKER] It's time, Dorothy.

No. No. No. No.

It's too late.

- Stop it.
- You can't run.

- It's time.
- Stop it.

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[COUGHING]

[WHIMPERING]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[MAN] Greg, move your head!