03x05 - Baby Proof

[bunniefuu]

- [rock music playing]

- [both screaming]

Pablo?!

[screaming]

I didn't know you were a biter.

- [roaring]

- KELLY: That is Pablo out there.

I don't want to k*ll him.

I want to help him.

- [grunting, banging]

- Ow!

[muffled voice]

Kelly.

- [screaming]

- Give me a kiss.

I'm going to track down this so-called Ms. Prevett, deal with Ruby once and for all.

- [crashing]

- [echoing]

Ruby?!

Ooh!

- [electricity zapping]

- [Natalie gasping]

It's stuck.

I can't get it off.

[giggling]

- Ahh!

- Foreign person, easy, relax.

I've dealt with kids like this before.

[high-pitched shrieking]

- [Ash groaning]

- [shattering]

♪♪ - [grunts]

- Jag sa ju att barnet var ett Djavul!

Yeah, lady.

I don't speak French.

- [gurgling]

- [suspenseful music playing]

- You likey?

- Mmm.

Come on over here, little kid.

I got something over here you'll like even better.

See that?

That's a candy dispenser.

Yeah.

Look inside the tiny black holes and pick one.

Uh... hang that on the tray...

[babbling continues]

What is up with that kid's hand?

- [making chainsaw sounds]

- [clattering]

[speaking softly]

Wait a second.

Holy hacksaw, that's a little me!

- Child is yours?

- Yeah.

Well, it's not like I had sex with Ruby, but look at it!

Look at the eyes.

And the chin.

And that little saw.

What is that dastardly Ruby up to now?

[growling]

- sh**t it!

- No!

She's going to use that little sh*t to screw me somehow.

Well, guess what?

I'll show her.

Nobody screws Ashley J.

Williams like Ashley J....

That sounded so much better in my head.

[high-pitched shrieking]

- sh**t!

- Ugh!

- [g*nsh*t]

- [scampering]

Hey!

Don't do that!

- I want this kid alive.

- [gasps]

No!

Come here, you little sh*t!

[quacking]

Run!

- [Natalie whimpering]

- [toy clicking]

[groaning]

Help!

- [grunting]

- [screaming]

[heavy breathing]

Whoa!

- [shrieking]

- Oh, crap.

Oh!

[Ash grunting]

Here I come!

- [Demon Child screeching]

- [slamming]

Whoa!

Okay listen, Ricola.

- [clattering, panting]

- We got to catch that kid.

Because if we catch that kid, then my daughter will know the truth, which is I'm not just some psycho running around with a chainsaw.

What you talk about?

I just want to get that kid out of the house,

- and into my car.

- Oh, please.

Go now.

Relax.

That little runt can't get through this...

- [chainsaw buzzing]

- [child making chainsaw sounds]

- [splintering]

- [screaming]

[suspenseful music playing]

- [whirring, screaming]

- We got to fall back!

- Come on!

- [wailing]

- [both panting]

- I'm coming!

- [banging]

- [Natalie gasping]

Hey, give me that.

What are you doing?

- Hey!

[grunting]

- [g*nsh*t]

You keep your hands off of my Boomstick.

You got that?!

- [Demon Child giggling]

- [Natalie gasping]

- [heavy breathing]

- [banging]

[both grunting]

Oh, no.

- [growling]

- [clicking, quacking]

Uh-oh.

[gasping]

Run!

Oh, where are we?

- Oh, God...

oh, oh!

[grunts]

- Run!

- [toy quacking]

- [footsteps thudding]

- Hurry!

- [grunting]

[both panting]

What the hell are we doing...?

Stang munnen, du dum man!

[toy quacking in distance]

[quacking, clicking grows louder]

[quacking, clicking fades]

[whispering]

That little sh*t is taunting me.

He doesn't know who he's up against.

[gasping, wincing]

Here you go.

We'll tie him up with this.

Yah.

- [suspenseful music playing]

- [snarling]

The craziest part about this, it probably won't be the most f*cked up thing - that ever happens to me.

- [Pablo Mouth chuckling]

Hey, imagine where else I could have bitten you.

Don't make me get my leg wax.

- [laughing maniacally]

- [banging]

Open up, Kelly, I'm still hungry for your meat!

[Demon Pablo laughing maniacally]

Pablo, I do not want to hurt you!

You think you can save me when even El Brujo couldn't?

Brujo?

It's Pablo's uncle, but...

- [banging against door]

- [gasping]

But he's dead, because of me!

- [maniacal laughter continues]

- [smashing]

Even from the grave, that pendejo thinks he can save his little Pablito.

- Save him?

- [Mouth Pablo chuckling]

What the f*ck, Kelly?

What do we do?

We just...

we stick to the plan, okay?

We keep defending ourselves without k*lling Pablo.

How about a ride on the Pablo 'stache, Kelly?

You're not tall enough.

- [whacks]

- BOTH: Ow!

- I bit my tongue!

Bitch!

- Mother...

f*ck...!

- [both grunting]

- [banging above]

- [thumping]

- He's on the roof.

Uh-oh, you caught us!

- [thunder rumbling]

- [Brandy panting]

[thumping continues]

- [screaming]

- Got you!

Brandy!

[Demon Pablo and Kelly grunting]

- Hold on, Brandy!

- Don't let go!

[shrieking]

- Hate to crash the party!

- Let her the f*ck go!

[all grunting]

- [shrieking]

- [grunting continues]

- Oh!

- [wailing]

Hold on!

- [Brandy gasping]

- [Demon Pablo grunting]

[air whooshing]

- [shrieking, snarling]

- [grunting]

- [groans]

- [laughing maniacally]

[grunting]

- [Kelly gasps]

- You're next... to die!

You're next to die!

- [yelling]

- You're next to die!

- [Demon Pablo grunting]

- [Brandy screaming]

- [Mouth Pablo laughing]

- [choking]

- Shut the f*ck up!

- You're next to die!

- Choke on this.

- [muffled grunting]

[groaning, gagging]

[spitting, gasping]

- They're connected.

- [laughing maniacally]

I warned you!

[all grunting]

- [slamming]

- [shrieks]

- [grunts, screams]

- [shattering]

Ah!

[gagging]

- [retching]

- [coughing]

- [clicking]

- [snarls]

- Hot tamale!

- [screeching]

[heaving]

- [groaning]

- [smashing]

- [whimpering]

- [evil laughter]

Brandy, run!

[Brandy and Kelly grunting]

I know you like it rough, baby.

- [both grunting]

- [smashing]

Stop!

Brandy!

Don't!

You'll k*ll him!

- [clanging]

- [both screaming]

- [zapping]

- [roaring]

- [grunts]

- [dramatic choral playing]

[grunting, panting]

[speaking softly]

Pablo?

[shallow breathing]

Pablo?

Hey.

Hey.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know what else to do.

Pablo?

Pablo, I'm right here.

- Pablo, Pablo.

- [indistinct whispering]

- Pablo?

- [gasping]

- [eerie music playing]

- [indistinct whispering]

VOICE [whispering in Spanish]: ...cuídate.

f*ck.

[shuddering]

Am I dead again?

- You have brought the Kandarian Dagger.

- [gasps]

You again.

What do you want?

Who are you?

MAN'S VOICE: Her name is Maritsa.

Brujo?

You made it, Pablito.

But your journey... is far from over.

- [eerie music playing]

- KELLY: Come on.

[gasping]

What...?

- [whispers]

What?

- What's happening to him?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Pablo?

[wind howling]

- [eerie music playing]

- [chain clinking]

[thumping in distance]

[door creaking]

Please, we-we go.

Yeah, in a Branson minute, sweetie.

Let's see what else the lioness has in her evil den.

- First things first.

- [thumps]

[gasps]

- [clangs]

- [sighs]

[switch clicks, electricity buzzing]

[faint demonic voices, laughter]

That writing looks awfully familiar.

[gasping]

[faint jingling]

The hell is going on around here?

[eerie music continues]

Is you?

WTF.

I got that off my teenage daughter.

Yeah, this is me and Candy on our wedding night.

Making a daughter in the back of the Delta.

Working at Value Stop, hanging in my trailer, holy CIA.

Ruby's been surveilling my ass for decades.

She could have k*lled me any time, anywhere.

[voice shaking]

You know this, evil woman, Ruby?

- Yeah.

- Here I come!

[toy quacking in distance]

[quacking grows louder]

[suspenseful music playing]

- [clangs]

- [thuds]

[indistinct whispering]

PABLO: El tío?

What is this place?

Where are we?

Is a void between realms that I have managed to mask from evil, for now.

I could've sent a leopard, or a cobra, but I needed your attention.

Her death mask is powerful, isn't it?

[clangs]

[Kelly gasps]

EL BRUJO: There's little time.

Your body's dying in the earthly plane.

The evil within is consuming your soul.

And only with the strength of a Brujo, you can harness its power, to aid...

the Prophesied One.

Ash.

[running footsteps]

- [doorknob rattling]

- [whimpering]

Oh, no.

[pounding]

[sobbing]

- [eerie music playing]

- [panting]

- [rattling]

- [gasping]

[faint growling]

[flames crackling]

- [slamming]

- [gasping, shuddering]

[scampering]

[quacking, clicking]

- [gasping]

- [rumbling]

- [grunting]

- [continues gasping]

- [quacking continues]

- [heart b*ating loudly]

- [g*nsh*t]

- [panting]

- [growls]

- [screams]

- [snarling, shrieking]

- [screaming]

Oh.

Ow!

Oh, that no good, double-crossing...

[eerie music playing]

[doors creaking]

Oh, Heidi!

Why'd you have to run off like that?

[scampering, low growling]

Oh, hey there, little guy.

[chuckling]

There you are.

Why don't you come on out?

I'm not going to hurt you.

No, hardly at all.

Yeah, hey, uh... see?

Look.

Nothing in my hands.

- Come on out.

- [sputtering]

- We should play...

ow!

- [thuds]

ROBOTIC VOICE: F-U.

- [musical beeping]

- Ooh, you little son...!

- [snarling, giggling]

- [grunting]

Okay, time to put baby to bed.

When you turned away from your ancestors Pablito, you left yourself vulnerable to evil.

Now you must prove yourself worthy, before you can exert control over this darkness.

Um, yeah.

How bad is this going to get?

Do you remember the ritual legends I used to tell you?

Two basins full of blood of darkness...

And one holds the blood of our people.

You have to mix your own blood with the correct bowl.

[splattering]

You choose darkness, then evil will consume you.

Choose wisely, and...

I'll become a Brujo, like you.

Even stronger.

You will accomplish what none have before.

You will have span between two realms.

One foot in the Underworld, the other on the earthly plane.

You, Pablo, will become...

El Brujo Especial.

Wait, isn't that the name of a beer?

[speaking softly]

Are you ready, Pablito?

[chanting]

Buena, buena medicina.

Buena, buena luz divina.

[crackling]

- [exhaling]

- [eerie music playing]

I'm ready to become what I was born to be.

- [shrieking]

- [indistinct whispering]

Choose the darkness, or choose the light.

- Choose the darkness...

- Let's conquer evil.

- Good.

- ...or choose the light.

Now for the hard part.

Here kiddie, kiddie.

Come on out, widdle buddy!

- [Demon Child giggling]

- [gasping]

- [screeching, banging]

- Hey!

Oh!

That was a cheap sh*t!

- DEMON CHILD: Yah, yah!

- [rumbling, yelling]

[Demon child mumbling]

- [grunting]

- [squishing]

[Demon Child sputtering]

Oh, you are way too young to be going up there!

[squishing continues]

Oh, want to play hide and seek, huh?

Okay.

I'll close my eyes, and I'll count to ten.

One, two, three...

eight, nine, ten!

[grunting, yelling]

[heavy breathing]

Whoa!

[squishing]

[whispers]

Oh.

[giggles]

Well, there's something you don't see every day.

- [mysterious music playing]

- [wind howling]

Be strong, Pablito.

- [lightning crashing]

- [indistinct whispering]

- [gasping]

- Oh, sh*t!

Pablo?

[grunting]

[chimes clinking]

Release the beast.

Suelten la bestia.

- [groaning]

- [slicing]

[wailing]

Suelten la bestia.

- [wailing, screaming]

- [slicing]

He's tearing apart!

He's dying!

Give my Pablo back, you fucks!

[wailing continues]

[gurgling]

Oh, inside voice!

- Yah!

- Oh!

Watch it, buster!

- Yah!

Yah!

- Oh!

Don't push it, Tiny Tim.

- Yah!

- Oh!

[both grunting]

- [clattering]

- [grunting]

Whoa!

Whoa!

- [pounding, clattering]

- Oh, sh*t!

Huh!

- [panting]

- [giggling]

Oh, want some, huh?

Yeah?

Here we go!

- [grunting]

- [continues giggling]

- Oh, yeah?

- Uh-oh.

Oh!

Oh, you're a tricky little bastard, aren't you?

Hey!

Yah!

- [squishing]

- [laughing]

Oh, that is so wrong in so many ways.

- [pounding]

- [grunting]

[pounding, grunting continue]

- [heavy breathing]

- [giggling]

- Why you little...

oh!

- No!

[grunting]

[choking]

[high-pitched screeching]

- [yells]

- [grunts]

- [grunting]

- [squishing]

[Demon Child screaming]

[sighs]

Try and get out of this.

- [grunting]

- [squishing, flatulence]

- [rock music playing]

- Mama!

[tires screeching]

[wailing]

Both evil and your ancestors are calling.

[faint growling]

See them, and choose.

- [gasping]

- [clanging]

- [wind howling]

- [chimes clinking]

There is no way to know.

Don't see with your eyes, Pablito.

[lightning crashing]

Don't see with your eyes.

Brujo?!

- [lightning crashing]

- [faint screeching]

Brujo?!

Brujo?!

[indistinct whispering]

- [eerie music playing]

- [wind howling]

- [lightning crashing]

- [heavy breathing]

Don't see with your eyes...

[faint screeching continues]

don't see... with your eyes...

[deep exhale, groaning]

Hey!

Hey!

Fight it!

Pablo, it's okay.

Come on.

- [grunting]

- [whispering continues]

[gasping, screaming]

- [screeching grows louder]

- [yelling]

- [indistinct whispering]

- [wailing]

[wailing, whispering continue]

- [wailing]

- [whispering grows louder]

[lightning crashing]

Pablo, you got this.

[groaning]

I got this!

- [wailing]

- [metallic clanging]

- [voices chanting]

- [dripping]

VOICE: Cuídate.

- [splattering]

- [gasping]

[screeching]

[wailing continues]

- [choral music playing]

- [gasping continues]

Mi nombre es Pablo Simon Bolivar.

Y yo soy...

¡El Brujo Especial!

[roaring, laughing maniacally]

[Kelly gasping]

[whispering]

Pablo?

[speaking softly]

Is he dead?

[shuddering]

No...

no, no...

Pab...

[sobs]

Pablo!

- [gasping]

- [sobbing]

No!

No, Pablo!

- [suspenseful music playing]

- [all gasping]

Pablo!

You're alive!

You're alive!

Mm, mm!

- [guitar playing]

- [both moaning]

And you're not all f*cked up.

Hey, I thought I lost you, for real this time.

sh*t!

Where's Ash?

[sarcastically]

Wow, okay.

- No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Hey, hey Kel?

- Wha...?

That was amazing.

[chuckles]

f*ck, Kelly.

sh*t's about to get loco up in this bitch.

And even though the Jefe would never admit it...

he can't defeat this evil without me.

You're right.

He'd never admit that.

Wha...

what?

The end is coming.

Shouldn't you take it a little easy?

Why?

I feel incredible.

Pablo.

What the f*ck just happened?

Something especial.

- [door slams]

- What?

- [sighing]

- Uh, so, is he just normal now?

[scoffs]

Normal?

I forgot what that word even means.

[groaning, wincing]

Look...

I got to take care of this.

I need you to track down your old man, fill him in on what just happened.

You think you could do that for me?

Yeah, I'll try the hardware store.

Hey, are you going to be okay?

I've been through worse.

Oh, Brandy.

Stay the f*ck away from Ruby.

You mean Ms. Prevett?

Prevett.

Yeah.

Her.

[metallic clanging]

You f*ck with my Pablo...

you f*ck with me.

And I'm done being f*cked with, Ruby.

[suspenseful music playing]

- [doorknob rattling]

- Damn it, where are you?

- [tires screech, horn honks]

- [gasping]

- [panting]

- [hubcap rattling]

Ah, Brandy, I'm glad you're here, because your pop has the 4-1-1 on evil.

- Uh, whatever this is...

- Nothing to worry about.

But I'm going to prove to you once and for all that your Ms. Prevett, is full of C.R.A.P.P.

WOMAN'S VOICE: Brandy?

Oh, my God, I've been looking everywhere.

What's he doing now?

Oh, I was just about to expose your demon butt.

Are you still going on about that?

Mr.

Williams, you are embarrassing yourself,

- and your daughter.

- My God, this is so f*cked.

Ditto, minus the swearing.

Brandy, you don't actually believe this nonsense that I'm some kind of demon, do you?

I'm not sure what I believe anymore.

Do we really need all this yelling?

I totally agree, Sheriff.

Just the person I was looking for.

Hey, why don't you save us some time here, and spill the tequila about your stupid demon son.

I have no idea what he's talking about.

[chuckling]

Let me jog your memory.

Just so happens, I've got that little monster...

right here!

- [chuckling]

- [child crying]

- Oh!

- Mama.

You...?

What the...?

The hell is this?

[laughs nervously]

I know this looks bad, but trust me, that cute little kid is a demon, and not long ago, he was running around inside a headless corpse of some Scandinavian woman.

He hurt me.

[sarcastically]

Yeah.

Should've.

- [child continues crying]

- Oh, you animal!

Kidnapping a defenseless child, a new low even for you.

Brandy...

I know I'm a crappy father, but I'm also a crappy liar.

I've always told you the truth, even if it sounds creepy and weird.

I mean, how do you make this sh*t up?

He's a menace to the community.

You've got some explaining to do, Mr. Williams.

RUBY/MS. PREVETT: You know, I have a spare room.

Brandy can come back to my place, I'll take care of her.

Brandy?

- [engine revving]

- Dad, get in!

- [slams]

- Mr. Williams!

[laughs]

That's my daughter!

[pounds on lock]

You know, this is the first time you ever called me Dad?

- [tires screeching]

- Stop!

- [hissing]

sh*t!

- ♪ I am the passenger ♪

♪ And I ride, and I ride ♪

♪ I ride through the city backsides ♪

♪ I see the stars come out of the sky ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, the bright and hollow sky ♪

♪ You know it looks so good tonight ♪

[song continues]

♪ I am the passenger ♪

♪ I stay under glass ♪

♪ I look through my window so bright ♪

♪ I see the stars come out tonight ♪

♪ I see the bright and hollow sky ♪

♪ Over the city's ripped back sky?

♪ And everything looks good tonight ♪