Hey, you wanna go to that
new Ryan Gosling movie?
A spy thriller?
That's what you wanna do on
your night off from spying?
Ryan Gosling is shirtless.
It could be about chalk,
and I would still go.
Ooh, chocolate bonbons.
No, no, no, no. Those are not bonbons.
Those are b*mb bombs.
They're chocolate-covered expl*sives.
It's a spy gadget.
You know what? How about
you just have an apple?
If all you got is fresh fruit,
I might as well eat at home.
Hey, that's my juice.
Sorry. Here you go.
I'm really looking forward to you
growing out of this annoying phase.
Oh, but that's right. You're done growing.
You take that back.
You keep pointing that finger at me,
you're gonna be the only
nine-fingered kid in your class.
I'm not pointing at you.
I'm pointing around you.
I'm pointing over you.
I'm pointing next to you.
I think I made my point.
- I let you throw me.
- (Arguing)
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Stop it now.
Your mother and I are tired
of you not getting along.
- It's not my fault!
- (Both arguing)
Shut it, shut it!
That's right. I shut you down.
I'm putting a stop to
this once and for all.
We've got a mission, and
you're doing it together.
- Just you two.
- And Judy.
And Judy.
Just you two and Judy.
You have to work together,
figure out how to get along,
and successfully complete the assignment.
Why does this seem so familiar?
Stop pointing at me.
I'm not pointing at you.
I'm pointing around you.
- You're a butt.
- You're a butt.
- No, you are.
- Hey!
If you can't figure out how to get
along, we will figure it out for you.
This is your get-along shirt.
Now get along.
Work together and figure it out.
Work together and figure it out.
Bank robber Andrew "The Phantom" Krivsky
has been breaking into
high-security vaults.
Your mission is to watch how
he does it, and report back.
I bet I can figure out
how to break into a vault.
Just like you figured
out how to break Mom's
collectible President Lincoln plate.
You promised you wouldn't say anything.
- Well, I just did.
- (Arguing)
Ah-ah-ah-ah!
You want me to get the shirt?
Wait, did something
happen to my Lincoln plate?
Mom, relax. You got it from the back
of a catalog, not from Lincoln.
♪ Oh, when danger comes for you ♪
♪ You know I'll stand beside you ♪
♪ 'Cause ain't nobody
keep things hustle cool ♪
♪ I'll always find a way,
a way out of the fire ♪
♪ Don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪
♪ I'm not perfect ♪
♪ So many things I wanna tell you ♪
♪ But I, I, I, I keep it undercover ♪
♪ Livin' my life, no way to learn ♪
♪ Doin' my thing, gonna make it work ♪
♪ Know I'm the realest,
baby, I'm fearless ♪
♪ But I always got your back ♪
♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪
♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪
♪ Ain't got to worry about me ♪
♪ It's all part of the plan ♪
I keep it undercover.
I keep it undercover.
GPS said minutes.
I got us here in .
Who's the GPS now?
Well, I guess it is a lot quicker when
you avoid driving on the actual road.
Did I get us here or not?
Judy, please, okay?
We need to watch every move
that that safecracker makes.
Why do you get to bark the orders?
We're both in charge.
Judy, please, we need to watch every
move that that safecracker makes.
Good to know, because you both
just missed the safecracker
trying to cr*ck open the safe.
What's he doing?
I think fixing his hair.
No, he's using the hairspray to
disable the door's thermal sensors.
Ooh, now he's blocking the door's
magnetic field with a sheet of foil.
Simple and ingenious.
Like you, but without the ingenious part.
Now he's not doing anything at all.
That's weird.
He should be cracking the
code to the vault by now.
You should be cracking
the code to facial hair,
but I guess we all gotta
go at our own pace, right?
- What's he waiting for?
- I think we should go in.
I think we should wait.
- I think we should go in.
- I think we should wait.
- We need to go in.
- We need to...
Wait.
Finally we're on the same page.
No. You see that itsy-bitsy spider?
It's the fourth time it crawled
up the wall and didn't make it.
So you're saying we've been watching a
loop of a spider crawling up a wall...
Do you know what that means?
It means that we're easily entertained.
No, it means that the
bank robber switched over
to pre-recorded surveillance footage.
He's probably already cracked the code,
and gotten in and we didn't see any of it.
We gotta go in.
That was my idea to go in.
I said it first.
I'm getting too old for this nonsense.
(Knock on door)
- Hi, Jody.
- Hi, Kira.
- What are you doing tonight?
- Nothing. Why?
- Well, it's my birthday...
- Oh.
- ...and all of my friends are busy.
- Oh.
- And I already booked a sitter for Petey.
- Oh.
So I thought maybe you
and I could grab a bite.
Oh.
Well, I said I had no plans, so I can't
think of any reason why I can't go.
Although, man, I am trying.
Hi, Craig. What are you doing tonight?
I have plans, very important plans that
I can't get out of no matter what.
That's right.
Wasn't I supposed to
do that thing with you?
Nope, just me.
Craig...
Gals' night out!
I'll pick you up in an hour.
Oh, and don't forget your wallet.
The birthday girl eats for free.
See? I was right.
He set up a video loop. Now he's gone.
You're right about the video loop, but
you're wrong about him being gone.
(Screams)
Ow! You kicked the wrong butt.
So you admit you're a butt.
Great. We're locked in here.
It's all your fault, Ernie.
Me? How is this my fault?
I don't know, but it is.
Oh, relax. We'll get out eventually.
No, I'll get out eventually.
You two I'm not so sure of.
What are you talking about?
According to my calculations, there's
only enough air in here to last you...
six hours. Ha ha, breathers.
We're running out of air.
I'm not gonna make it.
I'm not gonna make it!
Ernie, if you don't shut up,
you're definitely not gonna make it.
Don't tell me what to do.
You're not in charge of this mission.
What mission?
We are locked in a vault.
You wanna be in charge? Be my guest.
(Clears throat loudly) Excuse me.
Everyone.
Listen up. Stop what you're doing.
I've got a big announcement.
From now on, Ernie's in charge.
Please, Ernie, tell us,
what would you like to do?
Pee. I need to pee.
Ernie, you just need to
focus on something else.
Look into my eyes.
You're evil.
We need to get out of here now.
I say we call Mom and Dad.
No, we can solve this using
old-fashioned brain power.
Or should I say, nail power.
Ow!
If we ever get out of here,
you owe me some new pants.
Noted. Buy Ernie new mom jeans.
Plan B. We use... Judy as a battering ram.
Do I get a say in this?
One more time, one more time.
It's not working.
It hasn't even made a dent.
Speak for yourself.
And by the way, all that energy
just used up an extra hour of air.
Now you're down to
four-and-a-half hours.
Great. Time to get in
contact with Mom and Dad.
You know, it takes a real skill to
take credit for other people's ideas.
But you make it look so easy.
(Kids arguing)
Kids, kids, calm down.
Just take a deep breath.
On second thought, don't.
Don't worry. We'll be
there as soon as we can.
Well... time for Jody's birthday.
And yes, this is the dress I
wore to Aunt Lucille's funeral.
It seemed appropriate.
Baby, I'm gonna tell you something,
and I want you to remain calm.
Okay.
The kids are locked in that vault,
and they're running out of air.
That's great!
You're happy our kids are in danger?
No. Now I have an excuse not
to go out with Jody Goldfeder.
Let's save our kids.
I'm not gonna wait for Mom and Dad.
I'm gonna figure out the
combination to this keypad.
One, one, one, one.
- (Buzzer)
- Nope.
One, one, one, two.
- (Buzzer)
- Nope.
One, one, one, three.
- (Buzzer)
- Nope.
Are you trying to annoy us to death
because suffocating just
isn't fun enough for you?
Fine. You figure out the combination.
No. There's gotta be a
million possibilities.
That'll just drain her battery.
It's not a good use of her resources.
Compared to what?
When you slammed her
repeatedly into a metal door?
Okay, how about this?
Judy, do you have a drill bit?
Do I have a drill bit?
Okay, two drills are on a ship
when a fire alarm goes off.
One drill says to the other drill,
"Don't worry. It's just a drill."
Sorry.
Kira!!
Kira!
Oh, it's you, Mrs. Goldfeder.
Sounds like a cat was trapped in a mulcher.
I'm going out with Kira.
Or I was.
Nobody's home.
Unless..
She's throwing me a surprise party.
That's weird, I'm
supposed to go out with KC.
Maybe we should just wait here.
No. I'm waiting inside.
They gave you a key?
Gave, took. It's a fine line.
Actually, it's larceny.
Don't worry, babies, we're here.
That's right, kids. We'll cr*ck this safe.
How the heck do we cr*ck this safe?
KC, Ernie, tell us exactly
how Krivsky broke in
so we can do the same
thing and get you out.
Yeah, about that.
Um... we didn't actually find out.
You see, there was this itsy-bitsy spider.
Itsy-bitsy spider? We better act fast.
The lack of oxygen is
already affecting his brain.
Kira's taking me to a
fancy steakhouse for dinner.
She doesn't know it yet, but she is.
Lucky her.
I'm gonna try KC again.
Ooh, chocolate bonbons.
Happy birthday to me.
Tell me you didn't just
eat one of those chocolates.
(Muffled) I sure did.
They're the b*mb.
You have no idea.
No pressure or anything, Dad,
but if you don't get us out
of here in the next minutes,
you're definitely not getting
anything for Father's Day.
Wait. What's wrong with me?
Kids, I just realized. Judy's with you.
She can generate oxygen for up to hours.
As long as she's on, you're fine.
That... that is great... wait.
Judy, why didn't you tell us that before?
Because nobody... asked me.
Oh, no.
How much oxygen do we have left?
Well, now we have no way of knowing,
thanks to you, because the
one who was counting down
is now down for the count.
(Wheezing inhalation)
(Exhales slowly)
- What are you doing?
- Trying to conserve air.
By sucking in ten times more than you need?
Fine.
What are you doing now?
Saving it for later.
Do you even know how air works?
Do you know how shutting
your pie hole works?
You know what? I'm never talking to
you again for as long as I live.
Oh, great.
It'll be the best one hour
and minutes of my life.
We're running out of time, Craig.
The time it takes me to
stop doing what I'm doing
to listen to you say
we're running out of time
is time I could be using
to figure this thing out.
That's exactly what you said
when you were deactivating
that b*mb in Argentina.
Your eyebrows grew back, didn't they?
You always do this, Craig.
Always, Kira? I always do this?
As in every time I try to open a bank vault
my kids are trapped in
while their oxygen runs out?
Now, please.
Give me some space.
I can feel you breathing
on the back of my neck.
Okay, fine.
But for the record, my right
eyebrow has never been the same.
Thank you for noticing.
Some birthday. I'm just gonna go home.
No!
No, you can't go. You might hurt Petey.
What are you talking about?
I mean, uh, you might
hurt Petey's feelings
by not being out on your birthday.
That makes no sense.
Well, this is gonna make even less sense,
but if you stay, I will give you a...
birthday foot massage.
All right. If you insist.
But be careful.
I haven't had a pedicure in six months.
I'm like a hawk down there.
I'm getting so tired.
You're fine. Just don't go to sleep.
Mom, tick-tock.
Your dad's working on it, honey.
It's going really, really well.
Couldn't be going better.
Won't be long now.
We're never getting out of here.
Why do you say that?
Because Mom's being super positive.
Oh, no. This can't be the end.
I never wore an ascot.
I never ate escargot.
Never even found out what escargot is.
Really? Those are your big dreams?
What about graduating college,
or traveling the world?
Getting married?
You really think someone will marry me?
Yeah, of course.
Oh, that's the sweetest
thing you've ever said to me.
Well, just in case we
don't make it out of here,
you should know that even
though you're annoying,
and you smell weird, and when you eat,
you sound like a hippopotamus
with a sinus infection...
you're my brother, and I love you.
I love you, too.
Aw. We haven't been this close since
Mom and Dad put us in that...
(Both) get-along shirt.
Get-along shirt.
Get-along shirt. Bro, that's it.
That's why our parents
haven't gotten us out yet.
It's not that they can't.
It's that they don't want to.
What are you talking about?
We're not running out of air.
They're trying to teach us a lesson.
This is our get-along vault.
Oh! Nope, still not following.
They want us to work together to
figure out how to get out of here.
We have nothing to worry about.
Mom and Dad could get us
out any time they want.
I can't do it.
I can't do it!
We're never gonna get 'em out in time.
I have another birthday surprise for you.
You mean in addition
to shaving off my corns?
I'm a lucky girl.
Ooh, perfume.
Memory spray.
I'm not familiar with that brand.
- And you still won't be when you wake up.
- What?
Don't explode, don't explode.
Don't explode, don't explode.
Don't explode, don't
explode, don't explode.
Okay.
Note to self: if I'm ever
in this situation again,
get her outside and then knock her out.
I don't know if you guys are still alive,
but we never should've
put you in this situation.
We love you guys so much.
You're the best thing
that ever happened to us.
Man, they are really
committed to this whole
"you might run outta oxygen" thing.
Oh, let me try, let me try.
We love you, too.
And we'd tell you how much, but...
I don't wanna run out of air.
Okay, so they want us to figure out
how to get outta here together.
Um, we tried drilling.
We tried keypad, we tried lasers.
Maybe we're overthinking this.
Maybe it's just something real simple.
Yes. Occam's razor.
I said something simple, not
something I never heard of.
No, no.
Occam's razor... it's
a principle that states
that the simplest way is usually the best.
What would be the simplest
way to get outta here?
I got it.
Open sesame.
Maybe a tad bit more complicated.
Wait a minute. This one moves.
Could it be that simple?
(Door buzzing)
I guess not. Let me check my side.
- (Buzzing)
- Nothing.
Oh, maybe we should to
them both at the same time.
All right, ready? One, two, three.
(Craig) It's a miracle!
(Kira) We were so worried about you guys.
- Would you two please cut it out?
- I know, seriously.
We know that you were just
doing this to make us get along.
What are you talking about?
Well, the vault.
It's like a big
get-along T-shirt.
That would make us the
smartest parents ever.
Instead of the version where
we almost wound up childless.
Let's just go with their version.
- Busted!
- You figured us out!
You got us.
Time to charge up the little one.
Psst! KC.
What's going on?
(Snoring)
What did you do to Mrs. Goldfeder?
She ate one of the bonbons,
so I sprayed her with memory
spray and dragged her outside.
I am doing the best to
contain the expl*si*n.
(Laughing)
You think this is funny?
Yeah. Yeah, and I hope you will, too.
Look, they're not actually bombs.
I just told you that
so you wouldn't eat 'em.
I'm sorry. You can have
the rest of my candy.
I rubbed that woman's feet.
Trust me, I have lost my appetite.
Rob, your name's on TV.