01x25 - I Triple Dog Dare You!

[bunniefuu]

chris: last time on "total drama island",

yours truly was off m.c.ing a swanky awards show.

so chef took over as host, and, man,

was he brutal to the campers.

not only did he dump them in the middle of the woods

to fend for themselves, but he left them alone

with scary dude sasquatchanakwa.

they ran helter. they ran skelter.

they ran into a crowded bat cave.

massive mistake, i might add.

ultimately, the girls admitted defeat.

so the guys shared their loot,

but the girls outfoxed them

and walked off with everything,

including their dignity, proving once again

that hot chicks Tr*mp gullible guys every time.

in the end, it was bad boy duncan

who took the walk of shame,

leaving three glutton-for-punishment campers

heading into our most exciting challenge yet.

Don't believe me?

Then I triple dog dare you to watch this episode

Of "total... Drama... Island"!

♪ Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine ♪

♪ You guys are on my mind ♪

♪ You asked me what I wanted to be ♪

♪ And now I think the answer is plain to see ♪

♪ I want to be famous ♪

♪ I want to live close to the sun ♪

♪ Well, pack your bags 'cause I've already won ♪

♪ Everything to prove, nothing in my way ♪

♪ I'll get there one day ♪

♪ 'Cause I wanna be famous ♪

♪ Nah nah-nah-nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah-nah nah-nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah-nah ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

(Whistling)

(Feedback) chris: campers!

welcome to the semifinals.

today, we reward our challengers

with an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.

that's right, genuine food byproducts

served with fresh ingredients

relatively close to their expiration dates.

So I actually made it to the final three.

Just goes to show you how far a bad attitude can get you.

Whatever.

I knew I'd make it to the end.

Big shocker.

I just can't believe weird goth girl made it.

I wanted to believe it.

I dreamt it could be true.

And now the day is finally here.

All-you-can-eat pancakes!

Yes!

♪ We're getting pancakes! We're getting pancakes! ♪

don't be shy, dude.

Four words: "all you can eat."

You got the pancakes, I got the stomach.

(Laughs) tee 'em up!

Oh, yeah!

Now you're talking, baby! (Laughs)

Yeah, the money would be awesome,

But you know what would be sweeter?

Making sure heather loses.

Luckily, I'm up against the freak show

And fatty ginormous, so they may as well

Just give me the check.

I mean, come on.

I think we all know who's gonna win.

Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes!

If I win, I'm gonna buy camp wawanakwa

So I can burn it down and turn it into a graveyard.

Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes! (Laughs)

when I win, I'm thinking of my own spin-off series--

"The world according to heather."

I'd never win.

But if I did, I'd start every day with pancakes.

'Cause they're like little mini sunshines

Filled with yummy fun.

Personally, I've had enough drama here to last a lifetime.

I mean, owen's okay, but eight weeks of heather

Was about as much fun as a mouthful of impacted molars.

Sure, eight weeks with these losers is cause for insanity,

But at least the mother ship knows where gwen is now

So they can retrieve her.

And greenpeace can bag and tag owen

As the hazardous waste that he is.

But all the all-you-can-eat pancakes

In the world wouldn't be special without friends to share them.

(Sighs)

Sure, owen's dumb luck has won him a few challenges,

But it's his ability not to be disgusted

By anything edible that worries me.

You ever notice how much a toilet seat

Looks like a pancake? (Laughs)

And lazy.

Ugh, sloths could take a cue from "slow-en."

(Laughs) I should probably spit this out.

(Snores)

Thankfully, gwen has no strengths.

She's just a low-rent gutter punk

With dragon breath and ugly hair.

Heather's strength is obviously her bottomless pit of mean.

I'm banking on her massive ego to be her downfall.

(Snores)

Campers, welcome to the semifinals.

The producers ran out of insane ways of torturing you,

So...

They asked the ousted campers for ideas.

Turns out they had a lot.

They provided us with the sickest, most twisted,

And insane dares imaginable in "tdi's" version of...

Spin the bottle!

Starting with izzy, trent,

cody, justin,

noah, leshawna, lindsay,

beth, tyler,

harold, d.j. Geoff, bridgette,

duncan, courtney, eva,

katie and sadie,

and the homeschooled, misogynistic country boy,

ezekiel.

Put them all together, and we've got a high-stakes game

Of "I triple dog dare you"!

What is this, grade ?

Why don't we just do seven minutes of heaven

In a skanky basement closet?

Yeah! Good call!

Let's do it!

Ow!

Each player will take turns spinning the bottle.

the camper that you land on determines

the dare you'll perform.

You can take the dare yourself

And win a get-out-of-dare freebie

or inflict the dare on a fellow camper

in hopes of booting them out.

And if we refuse to do the dare?

Oh, not a good option.

Anyone who chickens out of their dare

Will be sent directly to the dock of shame,

board the boat of losers,

Do not go to bonfire, do not collect marshmallow,

And do not get to win $ , .

Wow, a sudden-death elimination.

Good one.

Okay, who's ready to humiliate themselves first?

Oh, what the heck. Let's get this over with.

Okay, so here's the deal.

Chef and I have a little side bet going.

Whoever pukes first has to pony up bucks.

okay, let's get this party started!

duncan's dare.

Lick owen's armpit.

Gwen, you can perform the dare yourself

or dare one of your competitors to do it.

(Chuckles) either way,

Someone's licking some armpit in the next minute.

I triple dog dare heather.

You could imagine that you're licking an ice-cream cone.

Shut up, owen!

Minus the b.o.

I'm warning you!

Oh, and the pit hair.

(Gags)

Oh ho ho, man!

That was so sick.

I nearly puked.

Nearly.

(Gags)

ezekiel's dare is...

Chew your own toenail slowly.

Gwen! I dare gwen.

Don't choke on it, honey.

ah ah ah ah.

He said chew it slowly.

(Gulps)

There. Satisfied?

very.

I'm just picturing trent watching this,

And something tells me he won't be eager

To lock lips with you anytime soon.

You should talk, pit breath.

beth.

Rechewing a wad of harold's gum.

I will take the dare!

Both: ew!

Dude, it's chewed gum.

harold's chewed gum.

I know, but it must be pretty special if he's been saving it.

Mmm.

Full body.

A delicate, fruity aroma with a hint of citrus.

(Laughs) robust, yet balanced.

Oh, summery.

Oooh!

And a crunchy center.

(Gags)

Whoo-hoo!

Owen wins the first freebie.

And a tetanus sh*t if you want.

Nah, I'm good. Thanks.

This could be harder than I thought.

Welcome back to "tdi's" semifinals

And a challenge we like to call "I triple dog dare you."

Gwen, you're up next.

Drop a tray of ice into your undies and let them melt.

That's it? I can handle that.

Now that's one cool chick

With a frosty 'tude chillin' by the--

Just give me the f-f-freakin' f-freebie.

my turn!

And I'm taking the dare. I don't care what it is.

There is no way I was letting those nerdlings get ahead of me.

I mean, how bad could the dare be?

I'd already licked owen's armpit.

Sorry.

Shut up, owen!

-Twice in a row's gotta suck. -I mean it!

Well, especially since I never wash in there.

-Ugh! -not 'cause I don't want to.

I just forget.

(Slurping)

Hey! You didn't puke this time!

(Gags)

You still cool?

okay, we'll give heather a few more minutes on life support

Before we start the next round.

Okay, chef made snacks.

Pb&j anyone?

(Vomits)

Nice!

Come on, izzy! Bring it!

Give a purple nurple to a sleeping bear.

(Laughs) yes!

Oh, sounds wicked, man! (Laughs)

What's a purple nurple?

(Snoring and growling)

oh, hey, there, mr. Bear.

i'm just gonna give you a little pinch

and be right on my--

(Fabric tearing) ahhh!

(Roars)

(Groans)

lick owen's toe jam.

Oh, is that what that black gunk is?

I'll use my freebie.

Good call.

Drink powdered fruit punch from the communal toilet.

Quite the predicament, gwen.

do you use the freebie

Or do I save it for an even sicker dare down the road?

what to do. what to do.

(Inhales deeply) I'm going in.

So freakin' sick.

Chef's going down.

No way. That's so gross.

Oh ho ho! (Laughs)

(Slurping)

(Gags)

(Vomits)

(Both gulp)

At this rate,

Trent's gonna need a fumigation squad just--

(Burps)

Eat dog food.

Yeah, baby!

Man, sorry, guys.

I keep getting all the good ones.

Okay, down, boy! Heel!

Dude, you have two freebies you can use.

Better yet, you could dare an opponent--

Like, say, one without a freebie?

You still have a bit of jelly on your lower lip.

Oh, go stick your face back in the toilet.

It's cool, bro. My dog digs this food.

Time to find out what I've been missing.

Meaty-tasting.

Okay, that was so gross!

(Vomiting, coughing)

Is there nothing these freaks won't do?!

(Vomits)

I can't believe no one's dropped out

And owen's got freebies.

Yeah, baby!

("Twinkle, twinkle little star" plays)

Gwen and heather have squat, but not to worry.

There's still plenty to be motivated about.

("Shave and a haircut" plays)

If you help me take down heather,

I'll share my winnings with you.

What if you don't win?

I'll swing for a box of doughnuts.

The lady drives a hard bargain.

Deal!

Chris, I'd like to give away half my freebies.

Uh, well, okay.

Are you sure?

hello?! ix-nay on the onspiracy-cay!

That is totally unfair.

Get out your rule book and do your rule-checking thing.

They're obviously gonna g*ng up and whoop me with dares.

There has to be a rule about this kind of thing!

Sorry, them's the rules. Not a rule to be had.

-Nada. -(Grunts)

Drink a blended puree of chef's mystery meat.

Eeny, meeny, miney...

Heather.

(Chicken clucking)

(Sighs) finally, I catch a break.

There is no way lindsay could think of anything bad.

Ooh, you're not gonna like this one.

Have your head shaved by chef.

What?!

Lindsay rules!

What's it going to be, heather?

Are you going to do the dare?

(Clippers buzzing)

Or the walk of shame? (Horn toots)

(Buzzing)

(Cash register rings)

(Buzzing)

(Buzzing)

Noooo!

(Buzzing stops)

Huh? Wha-- agh!

Wow. Well, that was an unfortunate accident.

Looks like heather's out.

What are you talking about? He shaved my head!

True, but you didn't actually accept the dare.

If you had, you'd still be bald,

But at least you'd be in the game.

That was harsh.

Tough break.

(Echoing) agghhh!

Sorry, them's the rules.

I thought you said there weren't any rules!

Yeah, I know.

It's complicated.

But here's the rub-- you lose, they win.

Both: no way!

We won!

Yes!

Fine! But you'll be hearing from my lawyers!

Yeah, yeah, I know.

it's gonna be a long ride.

A long ride to court

When I sue you for everything you've got!

And then there were two.

Tune in to see who will win the check for $ ,

On "total... Drama... Island"!

you want drama?!

You'll be penniless! Jobless!

Your name will be mud on every blog