Ad blocker detected: Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors. Disable your ad blocker to continue using our website.
[South Park Elementary, Garrison's class. A group of visiting kids in yellow G.G.W.K. shirts stands next to Garrison]
Mr. Garrison: Okay, children, we have a special guest today, a woman recruiting young people [she walks to the group and smiles] for a national choir tour. Now I know that choir tours are totally stupid and lame [she frowns], but please, give her your full attention. [to her] Go ahead.
Choir Teacher: Uh. Thank you, Mr. Garrison. [cheerfully] How are we all doing today?! [the kids' eyes wander] I can't hear you! I said, How are we all doing?! [Cartman farts]
Mr. Garrison: [angrily] Eric Cartman, you say "excuse me"!
Cartman: Okay.
Mr. Garrison: [to the choir teacher] Go ahead.
Choir Teacher: Children, we are a national choir called, "Getting Gay With Kids!" We're gonna do a big tour down in Central America to help save the rainforest, and you can be a part of it!
Mr. Garrison: Kenny McCormick, you speak when you're spoken to!! [to the choir teacher] Go ahead.
Choir Teacher: You see, we take kids from all over the country and put them in a choir [Pip yawns and Bill notices. Clyde nods off] where we sing and dance to raise awareness about our vanishing rainforest.
Choir Boy: [steps forward] Did you know over 10,000 acres of rainforest are bolldozed every year?
Choir Girl: [steps forward] That's right. And over 30% of the world's oxygen [Kenny sees her and begins to swoon] is made in the rainforest. [smiles back at him. Kenny's in love - ahem, distracted. The camera stays on him]
Choir Teacher: So, who wants to join the fun??
Cartman: What if you don't have any rhythm?
Choir Teacher: Excuse me?
Cartman: Well, like my friend Kyle. He's Jewish, so he doesn't have any rhythm.
Kyle: Shut up, fatass!
Stan: Choirs suck.
Mr. Garrison: Kyle Broflovski, you watch your language!! Eric Cartman, you be nice to people!! Stan Marsh, you mind your manners!! Kenny McCormick, you pay attention!! [sighs deeply and tells the choir teacher] Go ahead.
Choir Teacher: Well, uh, that's all, really. [the girl picks her nose, smiling at Kenny] So, if anyone is interested in seeing the rainforest and joining our choir, I'll leave information packets up front.
Cartman: Oh, that's good. We need some more toilet paper. [the other kids laugh]
Mr. Garrison: All right, that does it!!
[Mr. Mackey's office. The kid in the blue aviator cap isn't sitting on the bench outside, as he usually is]
Mr. Mackey: [behind the door] I am tired of seeing you in my office, young man! [The camera is now inside] You get sent here every day, Craig! [Oh. There he is]
Craig: I know.
Mr. Mackey: Why can't you behave?
Craig: …I don't know.
Mr. Mackey: What do you have to say for yourself?! [nothing] Well, I tell you what, young man. Uh, you're gonna be held back a grade if you don't luh- [Craig sticks his right middle finger up] Did you just flip me off?
Craig: No.
Mr. Mackey: Yes you did, you just flipped me the bird! Now, see? This is exactly what I'm talking about! If you don't shape up, mkay, and get your head straight, uh- [Craig does it again] There! You just flipped me off again!
Craig: No I didn't.
Mr. Mackey: Yes you did! And until you stop flipping people off, you can just go back to the waiting room, mkay?! Next! [Craig hops off the chair as the door opens. The boys enter] Well, well, well, if it isn't Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Eric. [Craig exits]
Kyle: Hey, Craig.
Eric: Ey, don't flip me off, you son of a bitch!
Mr. Mackey: Sit down, boys. Now, let's see. What did Mr. Garrison send you in here for? "The boys were being rude while a choir teacher was giving some stupid presentation-"
Stan: It's just some dumb activist kids' choir thing.
Mr. Mackey: Uh, young man, "Getting Gay With Kids" is not dumb, mkay? It just so happens that I'm on the board of directors.
Kyle: Dude! All those choirs are the same. They don't even really sing. They use prerecorded tapes.
Mr. Mackey: Well, guess what, boys? I think that "Getting Gay With Kids" is just what you need. I'm gonna sign up all four of you.
Stan: What?!
Kyle: You can't do that! [Cartman's jaw drops]
Kenny: (Woohoo!) [the boys look at him] (I mean, 'Oh.') [looks down]
Mr. Mackey: I think this will be very good for you [writes their names down]
Stan: But we don't even care about the rainforest.
Mr. Mackey: And that's exactly why you need to go!
Cartman: [drops down and pleads] Please, Mr. Mackey, we'll be good. Don't send us to that ole kids' choir. Have mercy, Mr. Mackey.
[Kyle's house, some days later. The Get Gay With Kids bus pulls up to Kyle's house to pick up Kyle, Cartman, and Stan]
Sheila: Be safe, Kyle. Bring me something back from the rainforest.
Choir Teacher: Oh, nonono. The rainforest is very fragile. We must take only pictures and leave only footprints.
Sheila: Oh, I didn't realize.
Choir Boy: Did you know that right now, bulldozers are tearing down thousands of acres of rainforest every day?
Cartman: [as he enters the bus] Aw, man, this is gonna suck donkey balls.
Stan: [As Sharon drags him to the bus] Please don't make me go on a choir tour, Mom, please!
Sharon: Stan, you should be excited. I would love to see the rainforest. Besides, your dad and I need some time alone. [tosses him into the bus]
Stan: Nooo-ho! [The door closes and the bus pulls away. Stan and Kyle look out the back window in dismay]
Choir Teacher: Okay, children, that's all of us. We're ready to head for the Latin American nation of Costa Rica, a country filled with virgin rainforest.
Cartman: Whoopee.
Choir Teacher: And you must be Eric Cartman. I've heard about you. You don't respect nature or other cultures.
Cartman: Yeah, pretty much.
Choir Teacher: Well, I'm gonna change the way you think, kiddo.
Choir Girl: [Kenny sits next to her] My name's Kelly.
Kenny: (My name's Kenny.)
Kelly: Lenny?
Kenny: (No, it's Kenny.)
Kelly: Johnny?
Kenny: (Kenny!)
Kelly: Oh. [looks away and picks her nose.]
Choir Girl: Now, we've got a looong trip ahead of us, so let's take the opportunity to learn our choreography.
Cartman: [hushed] The nightmare begins.
[The bus rolls along. A map pops up, showing the bus's route, and Latin music plays. It croses the border at Mexicali, goes down the Baja peninsula, takes a ferry to Mexico and cuts across the North to the Gulf, then snakes down Central America to Costa Rica. They arrive at San José.]
Choir Teacher: Oh, look, children! I think we're entering San José, which is the capital of Costa Rica. [the kids move to their windows and look out] Oh! This is so exciting!
Cartman: Oh my God! Dude, look at how dirty and crappy everything is!
Choir Teacher: Eric, Costa Rica is a Third-World country. These people are much poorer than those in the U.S.
Cartman: Well, why the hell don't they get jobs?! [Throws open his window and yells] Ey! Why don't you people quit slacking off, and get a job! What's wrong with you?! Go to college!
Choir Teacher: Eric, sit down!
Cartman: [sits] Look, you've gotta be firm with these people or they just slack off and be poor forever. Right, Kenny? [Kenny looks at him angrily] Hey, maybe that's it, Kenny. Maybe you're Costa Rican; that's why your family's so poor.
Kenny: [to Kelly] (Argh! That's just so untrue.)
Kelly: [picks her nose] Your family isn't poor? [picks her nose]
Cartman: Whoa, dude, look over there! [The bus stops. There are three women in front of a shop. A man has just dropped them off, pays them and drives away, and they wave at him.] Wow! Costa Rican prostitutes! Hey, look at the prostitutes, you guys!
Redheaded prost*tute: [with heavy accent] What are chu looking at, man?
Middle prost*tute: Yeah, why don't chu take a peekture?
Cartman: Okay. [pretends] Kugheek! [grins]
Choir Teacher: Eric, SIT DOWN!
[the bus stops at the Centro Nacional de Costa Rica and all exit]
Choir Teacher: Kids, this is the Costa Rican Capitol building. This is where all the leaders of the Costa Rican government make their-
Cartman: [rushing out] Oh my God, [covers his nose] it smells like ass out here.
Choir Teacher: All right, that does it! [turns Cartman around] Eric Cartman, you respect other cultures this instant!
Cartman: [covers his nose again] I wasn't saying anything about their culture, I was just saying their city smells like ass.
Kelly: Wow, seeing a place like this really makes you appreciate living in America, huh?
Kenny: [in bliss] (Uh-huh.) [Kelly picks her nose again]
Choir Teacher: You may think that making fun of Third-World countries is funny, but let me-
Cartman: I don't think it's funny! This place is overcrowded, smelly, and poor! That's not funny, that sucks!
Choir Teacher: Eric, will you please, please, just keep your mouth shut while we present ourselves to the Costa Rican President?
Cartman: Why?
Choir Teacher: Because I'll buy you some ice cream afterwards if you do.
Cartman: Eh-heheh!
[inside the Capitol. All seem to be facing the President]
Choir Teacher: Well, it was a long trip, but the children are very excited to sing tomorrow.
El Presidente: [long pause] ¿Qué?
Choir Teacher: Uh, we're, uh, we're the choir? That, that was sent from… the United States?
El Presidente: [long pause] ¿Qué?
Choir Teacher: We're the group singing for the "Save The Rainforest" summit tomorrow? [her head is cocked way to the left by now. El Presidente has no clue. Now the teacher is worried] Oh dear, where's, where's Mr. Mackey? He should have been here by now. [faces the kids] Children, do any of you speak Spanish? [Cartman waves his left arm] Don't you dare! [the main door opens]
Mr. Mackey: [rushing in] Sorry I'm late.
Choir Teacher: Ogh! Thank goodness you're here; I don't speak any Spanish.
Mr. Mackey: Oh, no problem. [to El Presidente and his men] Usted es choir de Estados Unidos, mbien?
El Presidente: ¡O! ¡O! Save The Rainforest.
Choir Teacher: Yeess!
El Presidente: Pablo los llevará en un tur de la jungla. [Pablo appears]
Mr. Mackey: Uh, he says Pablo here will take you on a rainfoest tour.
Choir Teacher: Oh boy! Mr. Presidente, round up your subjects outside. We have a special gift for you. The gift… uh-of song. [moves aside]
El Presidente: [long pause] ¿Qué?
[On the Capitol steps]
Choir Teacher: All right, children, Let's get in our rows quickly, so we can begin.
Kelly: [walks over to Kenny, her partner] Did you remember all the choreography, Lenny?
Kenny: (Yeah, I think so)
Choir Teacher: Hello, everybody. This is just a little rehearsal for tomorrow, so we may be a little rusty. [chuckles and shrugs. The people just look. She presses the play button. The kids begin to dance to the music, in the key of D]
The Tape: [Intro] Tootin' tootin' to, tada choo choo wow!
[Men sing] There's a place that is magical, and full of rain.
[Women sing] But now it needs help, because it is in pain.
[Men sing] Cleaning the earth is a mighty big chore
[All sing] We're spreading awareness like never before!
[Chorus] Getting Gay With Kids is here! [Kyle is out of step now]
To spread the word and bring you cheer
Let's save the rainforest! What do you say?!
Being an activist is totally gay!
[Bridge. Man sings] Someday if we work hard, boys and girls,
[Woman sings] There'll be nothing but rainforests covering the entire world!
[Man joins her] World!
[Chorus. Kids rush into the audience and bring some members back as new partners]