♪ What would you do
if I sang out of tune? ♪
♪ Would you stand up
and walk out on me? ♪
♪ Lend me your ears,
and I'll sing you a song ♪
♪ I will try not to
sing out of key, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, baby, I get by ♪
- ♪ by with a little help
from my friends ♪
-♪ All I need is my buddies ♪
-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ♪ - ♪
try with a little help from my friends ♪
-♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oa ♪
-♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
-♪ Somebody who
knows quite sure ♪
♪ Baby ♪
-♪ By with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ Said I'm gonna make
it with my friends ♪
-♪ Try with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ Oh, I'm gonna
keep on trying ♪
-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪
♪ I'm gonna keep on
trying now, baby ♪
-♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
[Insects chirping]
- [Laughs]
- okay. Give me an adjective.
-Uh, "stupid." No... "Slimy."
-You already used "slimy."
-Okay. Then..."Smelly."
- "Smelly." This is
gonna be a good one.
-The best part of
having a best friend
Is knowing there's someone
who really understands you.
Paul pfeiffer and I shared
More than just the
laughs and the oreos.
-Great!
[Laughs]
-Come on.
Truth or dare?
-Um, truth.
-We shared confidences.
-I never really
told anybody this,
But I kind of like
debbie ackerman.
-No. Not good enough.
Everybody likes debbie ackerman.
-[Sighs] okay.
Um, okay, okay. Here's one.
Once, when I was 9, I
snuck up into our attic,
And I saw mrs. Anderson
sunbathing next door.
-[Sighs]
-With her top off.
-No way.
-Oh! I don't believe it!
-Okay. Your turn.
-Okay.
You know that fire alarm
that went off thursday,
Fourth period?
-Mm-hmm.
-[Clears throat]
-No way!
-Yes way.
-You're lying.
-You don't think I'd do that?
-Look me in the eye
and say you'd do that.
-In a lot of ways, paul knew
me better than I knew myself.
And he wouldn't hesitate
to remind me if I ever forgot.
- [Chuckles]
- I knew it.
-It was a tried-and-true
relationship.
-All right. Come on.
Let's get some shut-eye.
[Sighs]
-But like all relationships...
- [Snoring]
- paul?
- Sometimes it
got a little stale.
- [Snoring]
- paul!
[ "The addams
family" theme playing]
-♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na ♪
♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
Ding-dong!
♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
[clicks tongue]
♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
zih! Zing!
- Paul!
- Huh?
-I'm trying to
watch. Do you mind?
-Hey, it's a free country.
-Yeah, but it's my house! And
I want you to knock it off!
[Music continues]
-When paul and I reached
A familiar deadlock
of stagnation,
There was generally
one agreed-upon solution.
[Knock on door]
-Hey, guys! What's happening?
-Doug porter.
[Music continues]
He was the most
agreeable kid we'd ever met.
-All right! Boardwalk!
How much is it?
-It's 400 big ones.
-Yeah. That's pretty
expensive, doug.
You sure you want to buy it?
-Yeah. I mean, look how much
it costs to put hotels on.
[Indistinct talking
on television]
-Well, maybe you're right.
-Your turn. You got doubles.
-Doug's blandness
was like buttered toast
To an upset stomach.
-Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!
-But so long as he got
to be the car in monopoly,
He was happy.
And we were happy
to have his company...
-[Imitates tires screeching]
- In small doses.
-Doubles again! Boy,
today's my lucky day.
Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!
-Uh, I think that's
about it for me, guys.
-Huh? But...
-Sorry, guys. I got to get home.
You know, stuff to do.
-Oh. Well, I'll see you, paul.
-Yeah. See you later.
[Door closes]
-You want to play again?
-Nah. I got a lot
of homework to do.
-Okay. Well, um, maybe
I'll see you tomorrow.
-Yeah, maybe. See ya.
-Yep, three games of monopoly
Was just about
the limit with doug.
After that...
-Paul?
-You called?
-Hoops?
-You're on, sucker!
[Both laugh]
-We never felt wonderful
about ditching the guy.
But it was nothing personal.
Doug was just
kind of odd man out,
Whereas paul and I
were in for the long haul.
[Door closes]
[Sighs]
Until that day when the
haul got just a tad too long.
-All right. Here's
the deal. Okay.
I'll give you my
marichal and the tiant...
For your mccovey and...
-No, no, no. Mccovey's
off the table.
-Oh, come on, paul!
Be reasonable!
-I am being reasonable.
Mccovey is off the table.
- [Sighs]
- unless...
You're willing to think
about your williams.
-Oh, you can't be serious!
Willie mccovey for ted williams?
That's an insult!
-The mccovey trade.
A common impasse.
We'd been through this
a hundred times before.
-All right. I'll tell you what.
You got the marichal, the tiant,
And I'll throw in
a don schwartz.
-Don schwartz?
You've been trying to pawn that
schwartz off on me for years.
When are you gonna give up
on the don schwartz already?
-What's it gonna take, paul?!
-Mccovey is off the table.
-Paul, just bend a
little on this one, huh?
-How about you bend a little?
-[Groans, sighs]
-But the fact was, that
day, I was tired of bending.
I was tired of the
endless effort
Spent hammering out compromise.
-What's the matter
with you, anyway?
-Nothing's wrong with me.
What's the matter with you?
-Sometimes you're so weird.
- I heard that!
- What?
-You called me a weirdo!
-All right. Fine!
I called you a
weirdo! Satisfied?
-I'm a weirdo?
I'm a weirdo?!
Hey, I'm not the one
with cartoon figures
On my pillowcase!
-What was this? A
slanderous personal attack?
-What did you say?
-I said at least I don't
have cartoon figures
On my pillowcase!
-Yeah?
Well, at least I don't have
stuffed animals on my bed!
-Oh, yeah?
-Well, at least I don't have
the hots for winnie cooper.
-Okay. That did it.
-That's a lie.
-Look me in the
eye and say it's a lie.
-I looked him in
the eye, all right.
But all I saw was
a knee-jiggling,
Spaghetti-slurping,
gum-cracking twerp.
Of course I'd never say so.
-Well, at least I'm not
an ugly four-eyed jerk
That nobody likes.
[Cards scatter]
-Total butthead!
-Loser!
[Door slams]
-Years of suppressed frustration
Had finally reared
their ugly head.
-[Groans]
-I was sick of it.
Why did it always
have to be so difficult?
Why did it have to
require so much effort?
Why couldn't it be more like...
[Knock on window]
-Hey, you busy?
Come on in!
-Now, under normal
circumstances,
A visit to doug porter's house
Would have weighed in just
under the dentist's office.
-Mom! Kevin arnold's here!
-These, however, were
not normal circumstances.
And this was definitely
not a normal bedroom.
-Mom!
-Hello, kevin.
-Oh, hi, mrs. Porter.
-Doug has told me
so much about you.
It's about time
you came to visit.
-Heck. Maybe she was
right. It was about time.
-Why don't I put these
down right here?
Can I get you boys
something to drink?
-Sure, mom. Um...
How about yoo-hoo?
You like yoo-hoo?
-Well, if it's all right with...
-Whatever you like, kevin.
-Yoo-hoo sounds great.
-Yoo-hoo it is.
[Fanfare plays]
-And suddenly I felt
like visiting royalty.
-Kev, want a gum ball?
-Yeah. This was more like it.
-What color?
-Uh, how about red?
-Red's definitely the best.
-Here was a guy who would
listen to what I had to say.
-Okay. Hold out your hands.
-A guy who treated
me with a little respect.
-Here they come!
[Gum balls rattling]
-A fella who appreciated me.
-Ha!
-Unlike some ingrates I knew.
-[Clears throat]
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-What's going on
between you and paul?
-Why don't you ask him?
-I did.
He says you've really changed.
-What's that supposed to mean?
-Look, I probably shouldn't
get in the middle of this,
But he says you've said
some pretty mean stuff.
-All right, so the
four-eyes remark
Was a little over the top.
I was man enough to admit it.
-Well, he said some stuff
of his own, too, you know.
-[Sighs]
All I know is you guys
are really good friends.
You shouldn't be fighting.
-So what do you want
me to do about it?
-Just be nice if he's nice.
Okay?
- "Be nice if he's nice"?
What was this, "romper room"?
[Indistinct conversations]
Still, there it was...
That old goofy smile.
Aw, heck, if he was willing
to make the first move,
Well, I guess I could leave
the porch light on for him.
-Hey!
-Hey, man! Take a seat!
-God, I thought this
day would never end!
-Same here.
-Brady ryland?
Paul was hanging out
with brady ryland?!
Pbht! Talk about desperate!
Ryland was a total...
-Hey, kev! This seat taken?
- Loser.
Look at that. Really pathetic.
-[Laughs]
-[Laughs loudly]
-Who was paul trying to fool?
He wasn't having fun.
I was having fun.
-Okay. Who do you
want for your mccovey?
-I don't know. Um...
-Yep, I was hanging out in
the heart of fun central.
-How about this one?
-Doug, that's a don schwartz.
-Great!
-No. No. This is a
terrible trade.
-Sorry.
-There was just one problem.
With paul, everything
had been a struggle.
With doug, I pushed,
and he fell over.
-What if I throw in willie
mays to sweeten it up a little?
-No, doug. You're
missing the point.
You have to
bargain a little bit.
-Well, all right. Okay.
I'll throw in mays
and johnny bench.
-It was like trying
to give spine to jell-o.
-Okay. Let's forget about
trading for right now.
What do you want to do?
-I don't care. What
do you want to do?
-Isn't there anything
you want to do?
-W-we could eat some more.
-It took about two hours
To realize the
mission was impossible.
-How about some tiddledywinks?
-Tiddledywinks?
-Doug was looking desperate.
Nothing could salvage
this relationship,
Short of...
-How about we fly my
dad's model airplane?
-Did he say airplane?
[Engine buzzing,
up-tempo march playing]
Okay. I knew it was wrong.
Still, flying mr. Porter's
Incredibly expensive
radio-controlled airplane
Might be just the opportunity
For me and doug
to forge a new bond.
Or so I told myself.
-Doug, are you sure
you've done this before?
-All the time.
Watch. I can make
it do loop-de-loops.
[Engine buzzing]
Isn't that cool?
Sure. Cool. But foolhardy.
-Listen, I think...
-But hold on. What have we here?
Old paul just
happens to ride by?
On doug's street?
I think not.
Well, two can play this game.
-Doug, come on. Let me have a
shot at those controls, huh?
-O-okay, but you got
to be real careful.
The stick on the left
makes it go up and down.
-Yeah, all right, all
right. I know, I know.
-Looks like fun, doesn't it?
Well, read 'em
and weep, pfeiffer.
Tell me... Who's in
the driver's seat now?
-Kev! Look out!
Holy cow!
My dad is gonna k*ll me.
-Uh, it won't be that bad, doug.
-No. You don't know my dad.
H-his eyes bulge out
like... Like boiled eggs,
And... And h-his forehead
starts sweating,
And he scratches his neck
like he's gonna rip his skin off!
-Look, doug, just concentrate
on what you're doing, okay?
-You're not mad, are you?
-I wasn't mad.
I was just tired... Of
doug, of the whole mess.
It was time to
put an end to this.
Time to make a clean break.
[Wood creaking]
-Doug, I think that...
-Whoa!
[Branch snaps]
[Thud]
[Groans]
-But speaking of clean breaks...
[Indistinct conversations]
-Gee, it looks great, kev.
-33 Ding dongs, 2
gallons of yoo-hoo,
And one
radio-controlled airplane
Had brought me to this.
I was a prisoner of guilt.
-Can't wait to show
it to everybody.
-Yeah. Sure.
-My only consolation
was there were at least
Two other kevins in our class.
-Hey, everybody! Kevin
arnold signed my cast!
-Doug! Doug! No. Please.
-Sorry.
-Kevin?
Paul has a message for you.
-He does?
-What was this?
A little thaw in relations?
A possible break in the impasse?
-Whoa! What happened?!
-Oh, I fell out of a tree.
-I had to wear one like that
for two months last year.
The itching drove me nuts!
-Tell me about it.
-I've lost two plastic
forks down there already.
- Try a ballpoint pen.
- Excuse me.
Was there some reason you
came over here in the first place?
-Not that I couldn't guess.
[Chuckles]
Look at him.
Sitting there, reminiscing
about the good times,
Waiting for me to
give him the nod.
-Oh, yeah. Paul says he
wants his baseball cards back.
-He said what?
-Well, I'll see you guys around.
-Okay. That ripped
it. Once and for all!
-Say, kev, i-i was thinking...
-I couldn't believe it.
The little weasel had sent
his lapdog to do his dirty work?
- The nurse said I should
find someone to help me...
You know, do stuff
for me around school.
-He couldn't treat me like that.
-Well, I was wondering if
you thought it was a good idea.
-Yeah. Sure.
-So this was what it came to.
Stabbed in the back by someone
Who used to call himself
my... Ha! Best friend!
-Great! Then you'll do it?
-What?
-What was this
guy talking about?
-Well, you know,
um, carry my books,
Help put on my jacket,
-And maybe you could even
help me with my homework.
-Doug!
-Was he nuts? Help
him with his homework?
Hadn't I been humiliated enough?
Who'd he think I was, anyway?
-Well, you are my best friend.
Aren't you?
-Look, number one, I'm not
your best friend, okay?!
And number two, carry
your own stupid books!
-Kev?
-There. That felt better.
Much better.
That night, I had a dream.
[Owl hoots] more
like a nightmare.
-You want milk duds?
You want yoo-hoo?
You want doughnuts?
How about sno balls?
How about twinkies?
If I give you twinkies,
would you be my best friend?
-Doug!
-Aah! Kev!
-Doug?!
- Kev!
- Stop!
- Help!
- Doug!
Doug!
Doug!
Doug!
Doug! Come back!
[Breathing heavily]
-I felt awful. What had I done?
Doug did kind of look up to me.
-And the truth is, I
had acted, well, badly.
There was only one
right thing to do.
[Doorbell rings]
-Oh, hi, kevin.
-Is doug around?
-I'm sorry.
H-he can't come to
the door right now.
Is there something you wanted?
-Well, uh...
-I could tell by her look
that I'd all but crushed him.
The least I could do
was show some class.
-It's a don schwartz.
He likes don schwartz.
-I'll make sure he gets it.
-Well, there you had it.
Poor doug. I'd let him down.
I could almost see
him... Alone in his room,
Trying to figure out
what he'd done wrong,
Lamenting his fate...
[Doug laughing]
Or having the time of
his life with brady ryland.
As I stood outside that window,
I watched the easy give-and-take
Of two new friends.
And I realized something...
Doug porter was no
longer the odd man out.
It was me.
But I guess in a way
we're all odd men out...
Until we find a match
that makes us even,
Someone who challenges
us to be our best,
Someone who understands
us, even at our worst.
I was beginning to appreciate
how rare a thing that was.
-Hey.
-Hey.
-I wanted to tell him I was a
better person for knowing him,
That I hoped our
friendship would endure
The trials of a lifetime.
-Well... See ya.
-Yeah. See ya.
-But I knew he understood.
[Insects chirping]
-I was thinking about
that mccovey trade.
-Yeah?
-Well, maybe I could do it
for the marichal and the tiant.
-Paul, come on.
It's a bad trade.
-Well, come on, kevin.
I really think I
want that tiant.
-I mean, I've wanted
it for a long time.
-For mccovey? Come on.
-Come on. Don't be
such a jerk about it.
I want to make the trade!
-I can't do it,
paul. It's stupid.
-Oh, so now you're
calling me stupid?!
[Dog barks]
Mccovey is off the table.