10x10 - Follies of the Living - Concerns of the Dead

[bunniefuu]

♪♪♪ (theme)

(moaning)

How's he doin'?

Hundred and four
and a half.

Oh, great.
It's gone up?

A hundred four
and a half?

And that's not
the worst of it.

Uncle Yusef,
don't go out tonight.

It's dangerous.
They know you stole the melons.

Poor fella. That fever's
got him crazy.

What do you think's
causing it?

Well, he complained of
lower right abdominal pain

with a little nausea,

I'd say appendicitis.

If he had some
right back pain too.

Maybe it's his kidneys.

Uncle, beware of someone
in a hat.

Well, that's always
good advice.

Uncle. Listen.
The grandmother, she knows.

She read your future
in the dust balls under the bed.

Someday I've got
to meet his family.

I got the lab reports.

What is this?
You're all on this case?

Well, he's our puppy too.
What'd you find out?

Ah, his white count
is up,

red count is low.

He's got pus
in his urine.

Gotta be a kidney infection
with gramnegative sepsis.

MAN (on P. A.):
Sorry, folks.

This afternoon
is temporarily postponed.

Wounded in the compound.

Grandmother, you put
a curse on my turnip.

Get some blood cultures,
and do an I. V. P.

See if there's any obstruction
in his urinary tract.

You will find there isn't.
Oh, says you.

He'd be all right if you
hadn't cursed his turnip.

We've got enough
casualties here.

What the hell kind
of driving was that?

This guy was almost dead
when we left.

They told me
every second counts.

Is he all right?
Will he be okay?

He just never had a chance.
There's too much damage.

Aw. Damn!
This man can make it,

but we gotta get him
right into O. R.

Corpsman!

Put him down over there
by the wall.

Colonel Potter,

I'd like to help
in triage, sir.

I'm a little shaky,

but while I have
any strength at all,

I'd like to pitch in.

Okay! Let's get this
patient into preop!

Hubbahubba!

Orderly!
Goldman!

Get him someplace where
he won't hurt himself.

B.J.:
Klinger, go lie down.

Get him out of here.
He might be infectious.

It's a kidney problem.
Let's be safe.

Get him over there
against the wall.

I need an orderly.
Get this guy out of here.

B.J.: These legs are damaged,
but not too bad.

Give him something for pain,
and he can wait.

Get him out of here.
How is he, Father? Can I help?

There's nothing
we can do, Klinger.

Private Weston is dead.

Aw.

A mouse has four paws.

Yes.

But he doesn't wear a belt.
Please. I

I'm going to administer
the last rites.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey!

Are you sure I'm dead?

'Cause I don't feel dead.

Hey. You gotta talk
to him, will ya?

I don't think I'm dead.

I mean it!

Look at him. He He's
gonna give me last rites.

They're gonna put me
in a bag, stick me
in a truck,

and that's gonna be it.

And I do not feel dead.

Can't you do somethin'
about it?

What can I do?

Dead is dead, right?
Right, Father?

Just give me a minute now,
Klinger.

I have to concentrate.

Am I dead or what?
I don't want to die.

Who wants to die?
I don't want to die.

You're not going to die.
Now please.

I didn't bring
the subject up.
Weston did.

Weston is dead.
Don't tell me. Tell him.

(humming)

Wait. Wait a minute.

Wait a second.
Will you use your own hook?

I got no place
to hang my clothes.

First of all,
this is my hook.

Secondly, it is not
a hook. It is a nail.

Thirdly, your shirt
could stand up by itself.

I've been using that hook

since long before
you got here, bub.

You may have used it,

you may indeed have some
unnatural attachment to it,

but the fact remains
that is my hook.

See? My name. My hook.
And this is a nail.

Why don't you hang your stuff
down here somewhere? Okay?

I do not want my name
down there.

I want it here.

What difference
does it make?

Because the boards
at that end of the bench

are uneven
and they pinch my bottom.

Does that satisfy
your morbid curiosity?

Okay, okay, that does it.
That's fine.

Fine. I'm giving you
a new hook.

Nail! This is a nail!

It's not a hook.
Go pinch your bottom.

Rave on, Macduff.

(chuckles)
Rave on.

Sir, am I dead?

(hammer bangs)

Hammer away,
you pathetic fool.

Look. Really.
I don't feel dead.

There's just gotta be
a mistake.

Although I must say,
for my taste,

the entertainment value
of fools is vastly overrat

What have you done
to my shirt?

You're right, it is a nail.

My shirt! You imbecile!

You submoronic
cretinous idiot!

Hey. Fellas.

No, no, no! Ow! God!

No, no! No, no!
These are folded wrong!

I should be able
to pick it up with two
fingers and pop it open.

These'll take three,
maybe four fingers.

Margaret, would you mind
ranting someplace else?

I've got a big dramatic
scene coming up in O. R.,

and I want to get
in the mood.

And I'd like to do
some nursing.

Next time, see that they're
folded properly.

Look at this! Look at this!
Seven fingers!

When my company commander
strapped me onto the jeep,

he he said
that I would be all right.

And he never lies to us.

You're pretty particular
about the way

you're handed the instruments
in O. R., though, aren't you?

Let's just drop it. Okay?

He never lies. And we
respect him for that.

And I've watched you
in the mess tent too.

You have a special fork.

I have a what?
A special fork.

I've seen you pick
through all the forks,

looking for one
with long, thin tines.

I've seen you keep 15 people
waiting on line,

looking for your
special stupid fork!

It so happens I can't pick up
food with a blunt instrument.

Two fingers.

You know, I was in
a lot of pain before.

I couldn't even
turn my head.

But look at me.

I'm walkin' around.
I'm talkin'.

I think there's been
a mistake.

(chatter)
POTTER: Almost done here.

Rake retractor.

Rake retractor.

Oh, I like that.
Long thin tines.

HAWKEYE: Where's all
that blood coming from?

You better run
the bowel again.

I might have missed
something.

CHARLES: Right. Colonel,
as soon as you're free,

we need you over here.

POTTER: On my way.

Hicks.

Hicks, what
what happened to you?

Last time I saw you,

you were making jokes
about your Crations.

You were sitting
on that log

and laughing like a hyena.

Okay. I'm free.

Now, what can I do
to help you folks?

Help me clamp off
these bleeders.

It was a mortar shell,
wasn't it?

There.
Another perforation.

They're hard to find,
but they're there.

I must have run
the bowel too fast.

I was worried
about the chest.

Don't worry. I got it.
Go get 'em, doc.

Listen to me, Hicks.
You got four people
workin' on you.

You know what they're doing?

They're looking for
those Crations you ate.

Now, how many times
did I tell you not
to eat that stuff?

One wallet, brown.

One wallet, brown.

Any money in it?
Yeah. Wait a sec.

My mother gave me that wallet
before I went away.

It's genuine calfskin.

It used to be stamped
in gold there,

but with all
the heat and sweat

and everything,
the letters just wore off.

It smelled great
the day I got it.

I love the smell of leather.

23.60.

23.60.

One picture.

Look at that
sweet fresh face.

One picture.

That's Sarah Lee Pinter.

I can still taste her kiss
from when we said goodbye.

Did you have sweethearts
when you were in school,
Father?

Yes, I did, actually.
In fact, when I was 12,

I was a champion
at spin the bottle.

Oh!

No matter where
Patricia Dugan sat,

I could always put
just the right English
on that bottle

to make it point
right to her.

(chuckles)
She has six children now.

I wonder if I put ideas
into her head when she was 12.

I remember school so well.

It's only 200 years ago.

One ring.
One ring.

Boy, that brings back
a lot of memories.

That's my high school ring.

I never take it off.

What's it doing in that box?

Weston.

What do you say
I buy you a beer, Father?

Yes.

I think so. Thank you.

My God.
(door closes)

I think I'm dead.

I'm not here!
I'm someplace else!

Easy.
I'm not here!

I can't find my fingers!
Shh!

My hands are coming off!

I can't find my fingers!
All right.

We've gotta get his
temperature down.

Excuse me.
There are people in here
recovering from surgery.

How do we know
he won't infect them?

Relax. Here's his ticket
of admission.

What is that?
Kidney stone.

Passed it about
an hour ago.

His blood culture shows
gramnegative rods.

He's not contagious.
And I want him here
with the nurses.

Quite a stone.
Practically Mount Rushmore.

It's got the faces of three
Lebanese presidents on it.

Here we go.
All right, Klinger.

We're home.
Hmm?

Here we go. Up.
Oh. Hi, Captain.

Hi.
I'm glad to see you.

I'm glad to be seen
by you.

How you doin'?
Oh, great. Wonderful.

What are you doing in Miami?
Wonderful.

Some weather down here, huh?

I'm glad I brought my trunks.

Start him on streptomycin.
One gram every 12 hours.

Push the fluids,
and keep him off
the beach.

How you feeling, son?

Hurts like hell, sir.

Well, that's
understandable,

considering
the number of people

who waltzed
through your insides.

Sir, is Weston okay?

Weston. I'd have
to check our records.
I didn't work on him.

Colonel.

Was he the boy
you worked on, Father?

I'm sorry, son.
He didn't make it.

I thought he would.

I was sure he would.

I'm sorry.
Maybe I shouldn't
have told you,

but I think
it's only worse later

if you don't hear the truth.

Oh, God.

Do you know
how young he was?

How can that happen?

I know it's hard, son,

but don't let it
get you down.

You need all your strength
right now.

You know how many bad guys
there are in the world?

Guys who just wanna
get drunk and fight.

I seen a guy steal
a watch off a dead man.

And Weston's the one to go.

Why, then,
do the wicked live?

Why are they advanced

and strengthened
with riches?

Pardon me, Father?

That was Job's question
to God.

How can the wicked flourish

when the good are
allowed to die?

And do you know
what the answer was?

No.

God spoke to Job
out of a whirlwind,

and He said, "Where wast thou

"when I laid the foundations
of the Earth?

Did you create the whales
or the wild goats?"

The answer is
in the vastness

and grandeur
of the universe,

not in bitterness.

It's too easy
to despair, Frank.

I'm sorry, Father.

I know I shouldn't
feel this way.

I just don't think
there's any point to it all

if they can take
a guy like Weston.

Look. I'm gone. Okay?
Just let me go.

Don't waste your strength.

I can't believe he's dead.
Hicks.

It's over.
Use your sense of humor.

Talk about what a jerk
I was sometimes.

Laugh at me.

I can't believe it.

What the hell's
the matter with this guy?

I mean,
he's tearing himself apart.

Well, look.
What do you expect?

How would you feel
if you lost your best friend?

Klinger, hush.

One second, Colonel.

Look, Weston.
Be reasonable.

I don't know
how you feel being dead,

but it scares the daylights
out of the rest of us.

Klinger, I'm gonna
talk to you like a father.

Shut your trap.

Colonel Potter, hi.

Listen. I'm very thirsty.
Could I have a glass of water?

Yeah. Sure.
I'll get you one.

One last thought, Frank,
and then I'll let you rest.

Would Weston have given up
if you had d*ed?

(slurps)

WESTON:
Okay. I know I'm dead.

I didn't think
I was at first,

but now I know I am.

And I'll tell you something.
It's not that bad.

But I'm worried
about my folks.

And I'd really
appreciate it

if you'd just let 'em know
that it's all right.

(slurps)

You hear what I'm sayin'?

It's not that bad.

Look. If you could just,

you know,
send 'em a little note.

(slurps)

Aw, geez.

(groaning)

Klinger has been on
antibiotics for eight hours.

Not only has his temperature
not gone down,

it's gone up a degree?

It takes time to break.
He'll be all right.

All right? The man's
burning to a crisp.

Okay.
Just to be sure,

we'll start him
on sulfadiazine.

Instead of looking
for another medication,

you ought to be looking
for another cause.

I think we should bring
his body temperature down,

no matter what.
Excuse me. Moment.

My point is that your
diagnosis may be correct,

but then again, so may mine.
Oh.

Doctors, if I may,

I don't think it's important
what caused this.

I think that what
Just a moment.

Let's give the antibiotics
time to work.

In the meantime,
we could bring his
body temperature down

Time to work? The man
is frying like a piece
of bacon.

By the time
the medication works,

they're gonna be serving
him in the mess tent

as a club sandwich.
I'm trying to say

Why don't you boys run
a few more tests?

Cold packs is what
I'm trying to talk about.

Wait. What's the discussion?

I thought he passed
a kidney stone.

He did.
His temperature went up.

I think we ought
to run another culture.

That's what I think.
That's because you both

have stones in your brains.

Oh, that makes sense.
(arguing)

Excuse me. One minute.
(arguing)

(screams)

Stupid...

insensitive jackasses!

I'm trying to do
something practical,

and all they can do
is stand around

and argue with each other

as if I don't exist.

They didn't hear
a word I said.

I know how you feel.

What am I doing here
if I can't help?

What am I putting up
with the rats for?

The lice? The dysentery?

I used to wonder
what I'd miss the most
when I was dead.

Runnin' down
a basketball court.

Makin' out with girls.

Or even smelling
the honeysuckle

that grows
over our mailbox.

I never guessed
it would be just...

having somebody understand
what it is you're saying.

There's only one guy
in this place who hears me,

and nobody listens
to him.

(chuckles)
I'm not putting up
with this.

Maybe there are
just some things

you can't do anything about.

Maybe that's
what being dead is.

I'm gonna keep on talking
until somebody listens.

And if I have to,

I'll kick a few cans
in there.

Go get 'em, slugger.

"Yours very sincerely...

Franklin Hicks."

It's not too lighthearted,
is it?

I think it's fine.

You want to hear it back?
Yeah. Okay.

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Weston,

"I'm Franklin Hicks that Jimmy
has written you about.

"I feel I know you from
Jimmy's description of you,

"so that's why I'm writing
you this letter,

"although I wish
I didn't have to.

"Yesterday Jimmy and I were
both wounded very badly.

"The medics got there
right away,

"and they did everything
they could for Jimmy,

"but I'm sorry,
Mr. and Mrs. Weston,

they just couldn't
save him."

Maybe I could have
said that part better.

I've written a lot of these
letters, son.

There's no good way
to say it.

"But I want you to know
it was very sudden,

"and he felt no pain.

"It's very difficult
to write you about this,

"but I had to because of
how much Jimmy loved you.

"and how much
I loved Jimmy.

"He used to read
the comic page to me

"and make up funny voices
for all the characters.

"After a while it would
have us both in stitches.

"And then when
we'd be on patrol,

"and he'd see I
was getting scared,

"he'd start talking
in one of those voices,

"and it would really
lift our spirits.

"I think that's one
of the greatest gifts
anyone could have.

"I know how terrible
this must be for you,

"but I want you to know

"that you have my deepest
sympathies.

Yours very sincerely,
Franklin Hicks."

I hope I'm doing
the right thing
sending them this.

I think it's one hell
of a good letter,

and it's very decent
of you to do this.

I'll get this out
first thing in the morning.

You have a good night's
sleep, Hicks.

Thank you, sir. Father?

Thanks for what you said.

Well, it was mostly
from the Bible.

I have a good writer.

(chuckles)
What's his temperature?

101. It's coming down.
Oh, thank God.

I was getting worried
about him.

Well, those ice packs
were just the trick.

Thank you, Colonel.
You know, our problem was

we were so busy arguing
about what caused it,

we never got around
to the obvious solution.

Yes. I saw that.

Well, why didn't
you say something?

Why did I Did
Are you Did you

All right.
What else do we love?

Do you love dirt?

Dirt is my life.

All right. To dirt.

And to the army that lets us
eat it, drink it,

breathe it, and salute it.

(murmurs)

Now what?

Rats are nice.

Some of my best friends.

And not just to their cute
little bucktooth grins

and pointy little ears...

but to their charming
little fleas,

without whom we would not live
in the shadow of the plague.

Ah! The plague.
I will drink to that.

Are you gentlemen aware
of what historically

caused the great
plagues of Europe?

Are you historically
aware of that?

Not historically. No.

w*r.
Oh. Really?

(mumbles) See, one city
would att*ck another,

and they'd burn
their buildings.
Mmhmm.

And the rats would scurry.

Cute little guys.
Spr (chuckles)

Spreading their
plaguebearing fleas

throughout the population.

To w*r,

the fountain
of all loveliness.

What do you think?
(mumbles)

I don't know. Try me out.
Clamp.

Nah. I can still feel it.

(all muttering)

Me too.

I'm having trouble
seeing you.

You all look funny,

like you're made up
of little dots.

Something's happening to me.

I don't understand it.

To shrapnel

and the skittish little dance
it does inside their bodies.

To the blood that drips
into our boots.

And stains our socks
with gay magenta polka dots.

I can hardly hear you now.
You're all fading.

To butchery.
Mayhem.

Bestiality of every shape
and kind.

I feel like I've

I have to go someplace,

but I don't know
where it is.

Gentlemen,

I'm going to my bunk
to lie down.

But first...

To Charles.
To Charles.

WOMAN'S VOICE:
I can't believe it.

We had chicken again.

I'm getting to hate chicken.

WOMAN #2: I broke
a fingernail again today.

Just makes me crazy
when I do that.

MAN'S VOICE: No, no.
It's not a police action.

It's a struggle between
the free world and

MAN #2: Ah, forget it.
The Giants are nowhere.

They got no hitters,
no pitchers. Nothing.

MAN #3: I don't
love her anymore.

It's all over
between us.

MAN: Hey. Over here.

Hey. Come on.
It's this way.

Where do we go?

Down there. Come on.

What did you think
it would be like?

I didn't know.

Where are we goin'?
I don't know.

Hiya, Major.
Klinger!

Oh, great!

How are you feeling?
I'm hungry.

That's a good sign.
Hey, kiddo.

We kept your room
just the way you left it.

Pierce,
who's on call tonight?

B.J.'s on tonight.

Uhuh. Oh, no, no.

I was on call last night
and the night before.

Hey! Look who's back.

How you doin', Klinger?
Hi, Captain.

Listen.
What happened to Weston?

Who?
Wait. I have to know.

Who's on call tonight?
I told you. B. J.

I've been on
two nights in a row.

Look

Captain,
what happened to him?

Did he get what he wanted?
Is he all right?

Who?
What are you talking about?

Weston!
Are his folks okay?

Where is he? Is he gone?

Klinger, please.
We've got more important
things to worry about.

I have to know.

HAWKEYE: I'm telling you.
B. J. is on.

(overlapping shouts)

♪♪♪ (theme)