05x03 - Tea Leaves

[bunniefuu]

Betty, are you ready?

It's stuck.

What about now?

Betty!

I'll get it. Just go.

Betty? The car is here.

What's going on? We've got to go.

Darling, I just don't think
I can go tonight.

What's the matter?

It's a woman's thing.

Is there any way you could play with pain?

It's the Junior League of New York.
I don't want to do it without you.

Your mother will be there.
It'll be very endearing.

Forgive me on the way?

Thank you.

Say au revoir.

Bonjour, Marie.

Marie, I can't understand you.

- Moustiques?
- Mosquitoes.

We can't let Heinz b*at us there.

He has a name, you know.

And do you know what that is?

Are you kidding me?

He's the only man
I want to please more than you.

And your father.

I'm the baby. They miss me.

So, Megan, you're French. I suppose
I should ask you what looks good.

I'm Canadian.
Although, for all we know, they are, too.

You know, back in Pittsburgh,

everybody is pretty much
who you expect them to be.

Or you know them forever.

Raymond and I met in high school.

Well, then we've been
married longer than you.

- I told you he was smooth.
- How did you two meet?

- Well...
- At work.

Don was divorced.

Well, that's none of my business.

You have a teenage daughter, Emily.

- How's her summer?
- It's tough.

She's around the house all the time.

Too old for camp, too young for a job.

- I say let her enjoy it.
- I agree.

You don't sound so happy about it
when I get home.

Well, the music is so loud.

Do you know the Rolling Stones, Don?

- Sure.
- The Stones.

She can't get enough of them.

The other night, she's playing this song,
"Time, time is on your side..."

- Time Is On My Side.
- Yes, it is, dear.

Well, it's catchy. And I was thinking,
what if they were to sing, you know,

"Heinz, Heinz, Heinz is on my side"?

Or something like that. I don't know.

They're gonna be in New York.

Emily almost jumped in our bags with us
when she heard we were coming.

Maybe you could, you know,
get them to record it while they're here.

Well, that's not exactly the way it works,
but we can certainly approach them.

This is boring. Am I right, Megan?

Yes.

Clara, where is Roger?

Caroline says the meeting is in his office.

- You wanted to see me?
- I was waiting in my office

to give you some good news.

Drinking good news?

Mohawk called.

You're welcome.

They haven't informed their agency,
but I'm told it's a matter of hours.

Welcome back, suckers.

I think you should handle the account.

- So, they asked for me.
- They enjoy your company.

And since you were here when they were
here, they think you know their business.

I know Hank from the w*r. He likes vodka.

Jack likes Jack. Anything else?

So you're aware they've taken on
$54 million in debt to replace their planes

and there's a mechanic strike looming?

- Although they'll likely be spared.
- So far, so good.

Don and I have been
trying to explain to Lane

this is a daily business
and we'll need a dedicated copywriter.

I don't understand
why Miss Olson can't handle it.

Because these guys are
gonna ask her to make drinks.

We're still paying Don, aren't we?

Don's not going to write local fare ads
three times a week.

That's all it is?

Just get a guy with basic retail experience
and run with it.

Congratulations.

Lane, smile. We've got an airline.

Morning. I'm here to see Don.

Yes, just a minute.
Mr. Draper, Mr. Crane to see you.

Just a minute, Dawn.

Is Don in a meeting?

He's with Mrs. Draper.

Thank you, Dawn.

You're welcome.

It's so confusing.

People keep saying that,
but we haven't had any problems.

You haven't. But out in the office,
it's really hard to tell who's who.

- Hello, Harry.
- Good morning.

Backstage, Forest Hills Tennis Stadium,
Saturday night,

put your hands together
for the Rolling Stones.

And how would you gauge their interest?

The manager sounded greedy.
I thought we'd take one car.

- I'll drive.
- It starts at 8:00,

but apparently they're always late.
I thought we could grab a bite.

There's a dynamite Italian restaurant
with a first-rate veal parm.

- Nope.
- Good.

Then I will be ready at 7:30, having eaten.

Have Dawn pencil it in.

- Hello, Pauline.
- Hello, dear.

I just wanted to see how you were feeling.

Aren't you sweet to
come all the way over here

when a phone call would have sufficed.

Are the children home?

They're at day camp. You know that.

Betty, you were sorely missed last night.

Well, that's good to hear, I guess.

You've missed a bunch of these, Betty.

- Pauline...
- And I'm sure he never shows it,

but it upsets Henry when you're not there.

I want him to be happy.
And you being with him is part of that.

I wasn't feeling well.

Honey, I know how it happens.

You get comfortable,
and you give up a little bit,

and then it just gets out of control.

There are things you can do about this.

There are pills you can take.

Why haven't you taken them?

Believe me, I would if I could.

I have a heart condition.

And honestly, at my age,
I don't have to please men anymore.

But you...

Don't you want to get back into
that incredible closet of yours again?

It'll be easy for you.

You're just one of those girls.

Thank you, Dawn.

- What's so funny?
- She was the most qualified.

We've got great news,
but assume this is for your ample ears only.

Is it about Heinz and the Rolling Stones?

- What?
- No.

Harry's such a liar.

Baked beans and the Rolling Stones.

A client's idea if I ever heard one.

Mohawk Airlines is returning.

That's great. That's a big fish.

It's a minnow, but it's our minnow.

Well, I obviously have experience,
I mean, at a low level,

but I saw how it worked.

Your plate is full,

and, frankly, Mohawk is going to
insist on a regular copywriter.

- Someone with a penis.
- I'll work on that.

Call in books. You're the search committee.

- Okay, when?
- Immediately.

Now, this is gonna be my account,

so I don't want just some hack
with retail experience.

He should be brilliant and have awards.

I want you to bring me
a good-looking version of Don.

That'll be easy.

- Mrs. Francis.
- Hello.

So nice of you to see me so quickly.

Well, slow day.

What seems to be the problem?

Well, it's just that I've been wondering...

I've put on a few pounds

and I haven't had much luck
reducing on my own for some reason.

Well, with middle-aged women, it gets easier
to put it on and harder to take it off.

Well,

a friend told me it'd be easier
if you gave me diet pills.

Just to give me a little jump-start.

Is your friend a doctor?

No.

Well, I'm not going to give you
a prescription without giving you an exam.

What, for diet pills?

If you think it's necessary.

Mrs. Francis, when a housewife
has a rapid weight gain,

the cause is usually psychological.

Unhappiness, anxiety, boredom,
things that cause us to lose our self-control.

But first,

we have to rule out
diabetes, hyperthyroidism...

I don't need to take the pills forever.

I don't like that.

What?

Could you swallow?

Henry!

Mrs. Francis is on line one.

- Betts, you there?
- Don.

- I don't know what to do.
- About what?

I went to the doctor this morning
and he found this thing.

It's a node or a nodule

or something, and it's on my thyroid.

And they don't know what it is,
but it's a lump, Don.

And he's sending me to the city
to some specialist for tests.

Okay, okay, calm down.

I can't, Don. I can't.

Betts, what exactly did he say?

Nothing. You know how they are.

Do you want me to take the kids?

The kids.

The kids. Oh, God.

Birdie.

Say what you always say.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Okay.

Bye-bye.

If I see one more Volkswagen ad
with something else in it...

You can do an ad on anything you want.
Don't pick toilet paper, shitbird.

Too fat.

Too thin.

Shelly Parker.
Might be a woman, God forbid.

Irony. That's promising.

Have I lost my sense of smell,
or is this good?

That's bitching.

What's this guy's name?

"Michael Ginsberg."

Nice knowing you, Mike.

What are you doing?
That's the best one I've seen.

This is why girls don't play sports.

You've been working on Heinz
for four months.

Somebody else is gonna
carry the ball across the goal line?

Bringing him in for Mohawk.

I hope you like him.
He's gonna be your boss someday.

I like working with talented people.
It inspires me.

I'm not talking about me.
I'm talking about another writer.

Are you suddenly not competitive?

The chick who races people to the toilet?

I'm going to bring him in.

Stick to mediocre. You'll sleep better.

Can I come in?

Of course.

I just got off the phone with Jim.
He said tomorrow at 11:00.

Tomorrow?

My boss made a call.

You told Mayor Lindsay?

He's got bigger secrets than this, Betty.

- I don't know if tomorrow...
- You want to wait on this?

- Well, if it is something...
- If, if, if.

Betty, let's not play that game, okay?

Come to bed.

You want some brandy?

I see you all the time. You're beautiful.

You're sweet.

I'm gonna have a brandy.

Betty.

Betty Draper. I almost didn't recognize you.

Joyce, hello. How are you?

Not good. I'm here.

Mrs. Francis, the doctor's waiting.

It's Francis now.

My husband's name is Henry, too, actually.

Look, you know what?

I'm gonna be in radiology forever.

Mrs. Darling, they're waiting for you, too.

Why are you here?

You want to get some lunch after?

I don't know. My husband's picking me up.

You think you don't want to
have lunch, but you do.

Okay.

Okay, okay. I'm going.

Hello. I'm Peggy Olson.

Michael Ginsberg. Lead the way.

No, we're meeting here.

So what's he like?
Is he like a firm handshake kind of guy?

- Excuse me?
- Don.

I want to make a good impression.
You could help me out.

No, I'm interviewing you. I'm a copywriter.

Have a seat.

So, is Don stopping by?

No, it's just me.

- Can you hire me?
- Well, no, but I'm the first round.

Wouldn't you want to talk to
the person who could hire you?

I spent three weeks dancing at that
crappy New York satellite of Leo Burnett.

Never met him at all.
Turns out Leo's not a real person.

- Yes, he is.
- Is Don a real person?

'Cause I'd really like to meet him.

I'm the person
you need to impress right now.

You looked at my book.
What more can I say?

Okay.

- I liked your work.
- And I like your work.

You thought I was a secretary.
Do you have a current resume?

- Allen Ginsberg?
- He's the most famous Ginsberg there is.

I figured we got to be related somehow.

And what's he gonna say?

Okay, well, it was nice meeting you.

Nuts. Listen, my stuff is good.

You can see advertising ain't my day job.

Look, you're a fair woman.

I insulted you because I'm honest.

And I apologized because I'm brave.

I didn't pick this profession. It picked me.
I didn't have any control over it.

Turns out it's the only thing I can do.

- Your work's very impressive, but...
- Here's some other advantages...

I have no hobbies, no interests, no friends.

I'm one of those people
who talks back to the radio.

No girlfriend, no family. I will live here.

Then you're like everyone else.

I've never been accused of that,
but I really am trying.

I don't know.

You can't act like this with Don.

Like what?

- We'll call you.
- Okay.

You know, your book
really does have a voice.

That's what they said about Mein Kampf.

The kid really has a voice.

- You're sure you're okay just with tea?
- Yes.

Everything tastes like sawdust to me.

Everything still tastes good to me.

Turns out I have the only kind
that makes you fatter.

Look, I'm sure you're fine.

When do you find out the results?

I don't remember.

It wasn't until the third visit that I knew.

Because Hank was waiting there.

Have you told your children?

They know I'm going to the doctor a lot,

and they know I'm sick,
but I've always been in a bad mood, so...

I joke with Hank.
He should just tell them I got hit by a car.

It'd be easier to
deal with than saying goodbye.

The scene.

I'm leaving behind such a mess.

You're not going anywhere.

He's my second husband.

His mother's domineering.

And Don's girlfriend...

Well, they're married.

She's 20 years old.

They'll never hear
a nice word about me again.

I'm sorry, but I have to ask you.

What is it like?

Well,

it's like you're way out in the ocean,

alone, and you're paddling,

and you see people on the shore,
but they're getting farther and farther away.

And you struggle because it's natural.

Then your mind wanders
back to everything normal.

What am I gonna fix for dinner?
Did I lock the back door?

And then you just get so tired,

you just give in
and hope you go straight down.

That's horrible.

No one's ever asked.

Hello, ladies.
I am Cecillia, and I have the gift of sight.

Could I offer you a reading?

You're gonna predict our future?

- Go ahead.
- Really?

It's always good.

- Oh, my.
- What?

You're a great soul.

You mean so much
to the people around you.

You're a rock.

I'm sorry.

We're done. Thank you.

You need some more tea.

- Are you okay?
- I had drinks with Mohawk.

I sat down with two of them
and I swear by the end there were three.

Did you hire him?

No, he was crazy. I'm calling in more books.

Define crazy for a copywriter.

Sleeps all day, disrespectful of authority,
drunk half the time. Did he smell like pee?

- Who smells like pee?
- Writers. Just hire him.

I can't. Don will hate him.
He's certifiable.

I order you to bring him in.

You have to. I already told Mohawk.

Why would you do that?

I wanted to smooth the ground
about working with a Jew.

Turns out everybody's got one now.

Tell you the truth,
it makes the agency more modern.

Between that and it's always darkest
before the dawn over there.

At least this one we're hiring on purpose.

I can find another Jew,
if that's what you care about.

Look, I know what you're afraid of.

Sweetheart, no one's gonna replace you.

I'm not threatened by his talent.
He's not that good.

I just think Don will hate him,
and then he'll hate me.

I'll be there. I'll handle Don.

- How can you hear anything?
- I'm following your advice.

I'm being bathed in commercials.

My God, you're so square,
you've got corners.

I have to make sure I look like the man.

If Betty calls, you know, or the kids,
tell them I'll call them in the morning.

What did she want anyway?

Who knows?

Well, have fun.

And I don't mean that.

This is backstage.
That's the real backstage.

Nice to see you.

- We're here to see the Rolling Stones.
- They're not here.

Well, actually, we're here to
see their manager, Allen Klein.

- He's not here either.
- I'm Harry Crane. I'm on the list.

There's no list.

Will you let us know when they get here?

Sir, I promise you'll know.

Should have talked him
out of this at the dinner table.

Well, we either wait for them to show up
or wait for them to come out of there.

Hey, mister, tell your friend I'll trade him
a joint for a cigarette.

You can have one for free.

No, I just wanted to make sure
you guys weren't cops.

Can you light this for me?

- There's a cop right over there.
- He's cool.

- What are you doing?
- They're cool.

They don't look cool.

- What are you two doing here?
- We're here on business.

- What kind of business?
- Advertising.

Like Bewitched?

You're Derwood and he's Mr. Kravitz.

Are you sure you want to?

It's been too long.

I thought that's what you wanted.

You know who has the best stuff?

- Charlton Heston.
- Who's that?

We went to his house, he came out naked.

He's a very good-looking man.

I guess if I looked like that,
I would be naked a lot, too.

In fairness,
I don't think he knew we were there.

It was kind of an impromptu meeting.

We wanted him to be the voice of VapoRub.

Right? Wouldn't that be perfect?

She just said she doesn't know who he is.

Come on, they're letting us in.
I told them how important you are.

- Thank you.
- No, just Harold.

- Who'd you tell them I was?
- Just go.

Hey, he's getting me in, not you.

I'll send for you.

She knows what she's doing.

You really think
you're gonna get the Rolling Stones

- to do a TV ad?
- They did one for cereal in England.

It must have been a long time ago.

It was three years ago.
When you were probably, what, 11?

You see someone do that in a movie?

You need to relax.

So what do you like so much
about the Rolling Stones?

Why don't you get me backstage
and you'll see?

What do you feel when you hear them?

Brian Jones.

He's a troubadour.

So you feel romantic.

God, you're like a psychiatrist.

What do you know about psychiatrists?

Do you have a business card
or something I could try on the doorman?

I'll make breakfast.

If, if, if.

You know what? I am hungry.

I'm so sorry, sweetheart.

So what do you think? They gonna show?

Stop looking at your watch.
They're gonna come when they come.

They're gonna come right down that hallway
and I'm gonna jump on Brian like Jack Ruby.

And what do you expect to happen?

I'll get into that dressing room

and I'm gonna stare at him
while he tunes his guitar.

He'll see me from across the room.

I'm Lady Jane. He'll know that.

Then what are you gonna do?

I don't know. Whatever he wants.

And what do you think he wants?

None of you want any of us to have
a good time just 'cause you never did.

No, we're worried about you.

Got it! I got it!

They want to do it.
I have never seen people more excited.

Wait, you met them?

- They're here. They're here.
- They're here.

Who were you talking to?

They even sounded just like them
when they were singing.

They played for me.

I'm sorry I failed, Don.

We can try again tomorrow. Asbury Park?

Forget it. Manager looked right through us.

You want the last one?

There were 20.

I thought you were getting it
for your family.

You know what? Let them get their own.

You bring home a bag of food and they
go at it, and there's nothing left for you.

Eat first.

That's my recommendation to people who
say they're getting married and having kids.

Eat first.

- Sure you don't want it?
- Harry, you have to go.

Just let me sit here for a second.

I have to get home.

Those girls, Don.

Those young girls.

They are so much fun.

Everybody's having fun.
They're all on dr*gs.

You're on dr*gs.

You signed the Tradewinds.
Who the hell are they?

Just go inside.

What are we gonna tell Raymond?

That the Rolling Stones
aren't good for Heinz.

Yeah.

His daughterjust probably
wanted to meet them.

I don't think they're good for her, either.

I'm gonna leave the bag.
Jennifer has me on a diet.

- We should do this again.
- Bye, Harry.

I waited as long as I could,
but we've got to go.

Really?

Drink too much with the Stones?

No, we didn't get to meet them.

Well, you'll have plenty of time to tell me.
It takes forever to get to Fire Island.

Did Betty call?

No. Let's go.

Megan.

What?

I have to tell you something.

- What happened?
- It's Betty.

She might be sick. Really sick.

What?

They found a tumor.

That's terrible.

Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't know how you'd react.

What, did you think I'd be happy?

I don't know what I thought.
I just knew she wouldn't want you to know.

Well, it affects me.

There's a possibility that it's nothing.

And if it's something, we'll deal with it.

- You know I love Sally, and...
- No, no, no.

I don't want to have that conversation.

Great. Then let's go.
Your trunks on the dresser.

No.

I just can't.

Megan, you are 26 years old.

So I don't understand death?

I understand you went to
that concert last night,

but now it's suddenly too overwhelming
when we're supposed to go see my friends.

Come on.

There's nothing you can do.

It's okay.

This is very provocative.

That one. I was at the movies.

Well, not the movies.
I was in Times Square at a peep show.

- Shouldn't we wait for Roger?
- For what?

He doesn't even come to the meetings
that are important.

- Go on.
- There's a resume in there.

Okay.

So you were at Needham for a long time
and a lot of other places for a short time.

I checked his references thoroughly
or I wouldn't have brought him in.

Would you let him talk?

I'm opinionated,
but I know if you were my boss,

I would have no problem saying,
"Okay, Don."

Unless you want me to call you Mr. Draper.
I worked for someone like that.

- Kirk Whitby?
- I'm not gonna say.

You wouldn't want me running
all over town telling your secrets.

Well, I wouldn't want you
grumbling behind my back, either.

You're right. I shouldn't have said that.

I just wanted to make you smile.

I'll be honest.

I've admired you since the letter.

I thought it was the funniest thing
I ever read.

And the fact that I can say "The letter"
and everyone knows what I'm talking about.

I just want to be a part of this place.

I think it's on the way up.

Between you and Margaret,

she's very interesting.

And I think I made it clear, so are you.

Pleasure to meet you, Michael.

Good work.

Thanks.

Promise me you didn't just
hire the handsomest one.

Anything else?

Get him set up and let him haggle with Lane.

Roger, I see you've met Mr. Ginsberg.

Yeah, turns out we both have a dream of
throwing something through this window.

- How'd it go?
- Good.

See? I'm proud of you.

Mr. Ginsberg, follow me.

I'm sorry. My stomach rumbles sometimes
and it can sound like the "F" word.

You know, I thought you were crazy
when I met you,

and you have confirmed it by
not acting the way that you acted with me.

You told me not to act that way.

And the fact that you can control it
really scares me.

So I'm not getting the job?

No, you start tomorrow.

I would like to pick you up
and spin you around right now,

but I don't want people to think
that's how I got the job.

Well, I'm glad you're excited.

Come on, be proud of me. I need it.

Nobody in the world cares
I got the job but you.

Then I'm happy.

I can't believe this.

You should have just gone into work.

Come on.

- Do you want me to turn down the TV?
- It's fine.

Henry Francis.

Well, tell Jim
His Honor is not going to Michigan.

Because Romney's a clown
and I don't want him standing next to him.

Because he's got a city to run.

Can we talk later?

Francis residence.

This is Betty.

Okay.

Yes.

Thank you for getting back to me so quickly.

Okay.

Goodbye.

It's benign.

I knew it.

I'm so happy.

You're okay, you know.

I feel like I just got off
a boat from China.

Hey, everything's okay.

No, it's good. It's good.

It's nice to be put through the wringer
and find out I'm just fat.

Betty, come on.

You're exhausted.

That's what it is, isn't it?

I don't know how many ways to tell you,

but I don't see it.

I know.

- Your mother's obese.
- Hey.

Listen to me,
I feel like I've been given a gift.

Like Scrooge seeing his tombstone.

Oh, my God, this is what it could be.
But it's not gonna be.

Saturday night was fun.

Okay.

I'd like to say that
I've gathered you all here

so you may remember
how small this agency once was.

Mohawk Airlines has chosen to return
to Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce.

Now, now.

I'm just pleased that after a long effort,
I was able to sign them.

I've also hired a new copywriter

and look forward to great success,
with your help.

And, of course, Mr. Sterling
will be handling the day to day.

But rest assured,
everything he knows, I'll know.

You gonna break that over its nose?

Forget everything I said before.

- Excuse me?
- That's the last guy I hired.

Hey.

- Roger.
- What?

Little prick dangled it in front of me
and took it away.

It was disrespectful.

You know, I used to love that kid.

I would hold his hand
and help him up on the swing set.

He grew up.

- What did you expect?
- I'm tired of it, Don.

I'm tired of trying to prove I still have
any value around here.

I'm exhausted from hanging onto the ledge
and having

some kid's foot on my fingertips.

Bombs away.

Betty has cancer.

Really?

I don't know.

They're waiting on tests.

Well, that would solve everything.

You want me to make a call?

She probably knows already.

I'm the one that has to call.

She's a fighter.

Come on.

I just imagine them
growing up without a mother.

I never had one.

Megan will try,

but what are they gonna do?

How does that end up?

Actual life and death.

I've given up on that.

I can't do that.

When is everything
gonna get back to normal?

- Henry Francis.
- Hi, Henry. It's Don.

Hello, Don.

I wanted to know if there was any news

about Betty.

I didn't realize she...

She's fine. She's out of the woods.

- Well, that's great news.
- It is.

You know, we're about
to put supper on the table.

I'll let you go.

Who was it?

Nobody.

Betty's fine.

I'm glad to hear it.

You're such an optimist.

She just needs to have
something to call you about.

Take you to dinner?

Sure.

Pete Fox d*ed.

Fifty-seven years old, for crying out loud.

I don't know who that is, Pop.

Red Sox.

Right field, he played.

I got the job.

You don't say.

What do you want to eat?

What do I want to eat?

We should get girls.

An old one and a young one.

I got a rye bread and some farmer cheese.

Look at me.

What are you doing?

Come on.

- Don't you like it?
- It's good.

Aren't you going to finish?

I'm full.

Can I watch TV?

Go ahead.