05x17 - Something Borrowed

[bunniefuu]

[theme song playing]
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Whatever happened to predictability? ♪

♪ The milkman, the paper boy
The evening TV ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Everywhere you look, everywhere you look
There's a heart, there's a heart ♪

♪ A hand to hold onto ♪

♪ Everywhere you look, everywhere you go ♪

♪ There's a face, there's a face ♪

♪ Somebody who needs you
There's a heart ♪

♪ Everywhere you look, yeah ♪

♪ When you're lost out there
And you're all alone ♪

♪ A light is waiting to carry you home ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

[vocalizing]

[vocalizing]

Who wants donuts?

Well, obviously me.

I've never even understood the question.
Who answers "not me"?

Wait, wait, wait, hold on.
What's going on?

Fernando only brings gifts
when he's giving bad news.

♪ Who wants breakfast pie? ♪

Why do people keep asking me
obvious questions?

Wait, you guys brought hard-news donuts?

We brought soften-the-blow pie.

I'm starting to think
that someone has something bad to share.

Oh, wait, it's us.

Here's, um, how you say...
"situation. "

Uncle Monty's is officially opening
a second location in Palo Alto.

That's great. So it finally went through.

No, no, no. There are too many carbs here

for that to be the whole...
[as Fernando] "situation."

Fernando will be managing
the new location.

So, after the wedding,

Fernando, Ramona, and I will be moving
to Palo Alto.

You're moving out?

Quick, pass me a cruller.

I mean, I know we talked about it, but...

hearing you say it makes it real.

Wait a minute. Hang on, everybody.

If that news was donuts,

what's that pie for?

Well, uh...

Jimmy's now gonna be handling
the original Uncle Monty's,

which means Jimmy, Danielle, and I will be
moving closer to the store next week

after the wedding.

So, this is our last week together
in this house.

I knew this day was coming, I just...

I didn't think it was coming so quickly.

But I never thought there'd be a day
I could have donuts and pie

and still feel sad.

Why are you not numbing my feelings?

I know. I think this pie is broken.

♪ Ooh, la, la la, la ♪

Was your card the six of diamonds?

-No.
-The seven of clubs?

-No.
-The two of diamonds?

-Yes.
-Really?

No, I just want this to be over.

All right, he may not be
the world's greatest magician,

but he's gonna be great in Pippin.

Ah, I couldn't have done it
without my understudy.

Ramona,

you helped me learn my lines,
my steps, my acting.

You even taught me how to take a bow
and accept a bouquet of flowers.

Oh, great,
now I have to bring you flowers.

I'd rather watch you do magic.

Okay, there's something
I have to tell you guys,

and there's no easy way to say it.

My family and I are moving to Palo Alto.

Whoa, for real?

-You're moving out?
-Yeah.

This bites. You're gonna be far away
at a whole other school.

Wait, so we're not gonna spend
senior year together?

I'm afraid not.

Wow, okay.

But we can make
the long distance thing work.

For Postmates, I've driven farther
to deliver half a roasted chicken.

It started as a whole chicken,
but it was a long ride.

I'm really gonna miss this place.

But my dad was away from my mom and me
so much when he was racing,

so I'm just glad we're all gonna be
under one roof together.

[text dings]

Jackson, did you just order
half a chicken?

I'm an emotional eater.

Okay, guys,
let's not let the moving out news

ruin the week before the wedding.

We are going to live in a total bubble
of denial until after we say "I do."

Everyone agree?

One more donut and I'm there.

Okay, let's focus on something
we all love.

Wedding planning.

What? Hold on, hold on.
We are down to our last three tasks

in the wedding planning binder.

Woo-hoo! Our long national nightmare
is almost over.

What she means is, DJ,

thank you for obsessively organizing
every aspect of our big day.

No, I meant, woo-hoo!
Our long national nightmare's almost over.

Okay, task number one
is for us brides-to-be

to find our something borrowed.

Okay.

Task number two is for the men
to have their bachelor party.

[Fernando, Steve, Jimmy grunt]

Which brings me to task number three.

A toast to the last week
before our wedding.

Done Tanner/Fuller/Gibbler/Hale/
all of Fernando's last names-style.

Actually, from now on,
I'm gonna go only by first name.

You mean like Popeye?

No, he had a last name.
It was "the Sailor Man."

Well, in any case, cheers.

[all] Cheers.

See? I went one whole minute
without thinking of you guys moving out.

Cheers.

♪ Hey ♪

[vocalizing]

Bachelor boys tonight.

Oh, tonight is going to be
the greatest night ever.

Booyah!

[all] Booyah!

Oh, you boys and your booyahs.

Deej, tonight, we're going to this
awesome axe-throwing bar, Axetastic.

[men grunt]

Oh, okay.

Well, just promise me you'll show up
to the wedding next week with both hands.

Or at least the one
I have to put the ring on.

[door opens]

Sweet cheese, the aliens are here.

And they're so much shorter
than I expected.

I knew it. Max is an alien.

That explains everything.

Hey, Max. How was fencing class?

Well, I'm not gonna lie.
I may be the greatest fencer

in the history of Miss Junebee's
Weapons and Tactics Training School.

How impressive.

You're the champion of a school
next to a Quiznos.

Uh, it's a Jersey Mike's.

And what do you know about fencing?

[Fernando scoffs]

Growing up, I had to learn to fence
as a way to survive.

Was that an Argentinian tradition
or do people just not like you very much?

How dare you!

I challenge you to a duel.

I accept your challenge...

after I finish my homework.

Dr. Mateo,
I will be late to the bachelor party.

You know the old saying,
"duels before dudes"?

I don't...

but I would wear that on a T-shirt
around Fort Lauderdale in a second.

[all] Booyah!

[vocalizing]

Okay, this is the perfect place
to find our something borrowed.

Hey, how long are you going to keep
Michelle's bike?

If she hasn't come for it by now,

she's not coming.

Deej, look.

Aw!

Hello?

Oh, it's for you. It's that cute boy,
Steve Hale. I think he likes you.

Oh, my landline! It's my lips phone.

Oh, Steph, look.

It's the earring that Kimmy used
when she pierced your ear

and gave you an infection.

I'm gonna borrow this.

But not the infection.

Hey, look what I found.

It's a feather from Oscar, my pet ostrich.

Aw!

I remember when he att*cked Uncle Jesse.

I miss that ostrich.

Okay, Steph, it's time to find
your something borrowed.

Um, let's see.

[Stephanie gasps]

Aw!

My Honeybee uniform.

[both imitate buzzing]

[laughing]

Hey, look at this.

That's Mom's wedding veil.

Wow.

Wow. I've never seen it in person.

Only in pictures.

Steph, this is perfect.

You should wear this
as your something borrowed.

That's a great idea.

It would be nice
to have Mom be a part of the big day.

Aw, I'm so glad we came up here.

Hey, Deej, are you sure you already found
your something old?

Because I found something
that might change your mind.

-♪ Lollipops and gummy bears ♪
-♪ They're my favorite treat ♪

♪ They make me so happy ♪

♪ They make me so happy ♪

♪ So happy as I can be ♪

Well, it's no fun making fun of you
if you're gonna enjoy it.

[vocalizing]

[coughing, wheezing]

Oh, I feel terrible.

The boy is clearly sick.

-Jackson, what's going on?
-It's the flu.

Did he say, "ET phone home"?

No, he said it's the flu.

He's too disgusting to understand.

The flu?

No, no, no, you can't be sick.
The show opens tomorrow.

Nobody wants to see a kid
sneezing onstage doing Pippin.

Or maybe they do.
I've never understood theater.

[hoarsely] I can't do--

Ooh, let me.

He said he can't do the play

and he already called Ms. Victor
and told her.

What?

But Ramona's his understudy.

If Jackson can't do the show,
then Ramona has to do his part.

[gasps] Wait, maybe I do
understand theater more than I thought.

Yes!

[squeals]

Oh, my sweet flower Ramona

is promoted from understudy to star.

Sorry, Jackson. But yes!

“I know you have my back, Ramona.

Break a leg."

There's only one G in leg, dude.

Aw, I brought my poor sick boy some juice.

You sure you don't mind
taking care of him?

All good.

You don't need this the week before
you get married, Ms. Fuller.

And you need to get some rest, Jackson.

See? I can totally pretend
to be nurturing.

Come on.

Well, I love the boy,
but his germs are everywhere.

I may need to burn the couch.

Ramona, I'm so excited you get to wow
the audience with your show.

Thanks, but I feel bad for Jackson.

Oh, he's gone.
You don't have to fake concern.

Oh, you're serious?

You're such a better person than I am.

Hello, Fernando.

Hello, Maximillian, or Maxwell,
or Max something. I don't care.

This fight's been coming on a long time.

Now suit up and let's dance.

Ramona, bring Papa his fencing gear.

Yeah, I'm gonna go text my friends
that I'm doing the show, but have fun.

Oh, hey, Jimmy, honey.
Look, how cool is this?

Whoa! That is awesome.

What is it?

It's my mom's wedding veil.

I'm gonna use it
for my something borrowed.

Oh. That's a great idea.

Well, that must bring back
a bunch of memories, huh?

It sure does.

What's your favorite memory of her?

Well...

there's just so many, you know?

So many.

But you have a bachelor party
to get to, so…

Right,

but first
I gotta stop by the hardware store

and pick up some axes.

Hey, I'm pretty sure the axe-throwing bar
will provide the axes.

They do?

Wow, this place is even classier
than I thought.

[both laugh]

Have fun.

[vocalizing]

Oh, guys, come on.

Okay, let's get some axes
and start throwing them. [laughs]

I mean, this looks like fun, right?

Uh, this looks like something
we were taught explicitly not to do.

I wish there was someone who could
teach us everything there is to know

about axe throwing, you know?

An axe-pert.

Welcome to Axetastic. My name is Alex
and I'll be your axe-pert.

Whoa.

I wish we had ice cold beers.

What? Yes!

-Yes!
-Wow!

First time for you guys?

Oh, no. I posed with an axe once.

I did a tool calendar
back in my modeling days. Ha.

First-timers it is, all right.

-So...
-Me first.

Here's the key to axe throwing.

You grab an axe...

and you throw it.

Oh!

Oh, well, I can do that.

Hey, guys, check this out.

This is February.

How do I not have this calendar?

Yeah, right?

Okay, here we go.

Bullseye-adjacent.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

All right, little guy. You give it a try.

He called me little.
The wedding diet's working.

Go!

I just... All right.

[guys] Whoa! Whoa!

That felt axe-tastic.
Hey, that's how they got the name, right?

Just... Okay.

-Sweet cheese!
-[both imitate electric guitar]

Hey, everybody. Check this guy out.

Bro, what's your secret?
Are you a fireman? A lumberjack?

I'm a podiatrist.

Look, Kurt, this guy can't miss.

What, this clown?

He doesn't look strong enough
to jump rope.

[laughs]

On the playground, I was known
for my double-dutch.

Whoo!

[bar patrons cheering]

Aw!

This little foot fella
is about to break your record.

Well, maybe I ought to break
something of his.

No, no, no.

I can miss. I know I can.

[all cheering, shouting]

I wouldn't count that.

Jackson, Ethan's driving me
to dress rehearsal.

Anything you want me to tell the cast?

Jackson?

[muffled dance music
playing through headphones]

How many times do I have to catch you
in a lie about being sick

in the exact same way?

I can't help it. I dance when I lie.

I have guilty feet.

You're pretending to be sick because
you're afraid to do the show, aren't you?

That is so unfair to everyone
who works hard--

Okay, I'm faking,
but not for the reason you think.

Look, I know what a big deal
this play is for you.

I wanted to give you a sh*t.

Wait, you did this for me?

Why would you do that?
You rehearsed for weeks.

You're moving.

This is your last show at our school.

And honestly, I wanted to see you k*ll it.

Jackson, I don't know what to say.

This part was so important to you.

I know, it is.

But you're more important.

Ramona, when you first moved in here,

I wasn't happy about it.

But now, we've been through so much.

Well, I feel like you're my sister.

I feel the same way.

As your sister, can I say something?

Absolutely.

Quit being a butthead.

You earned this part.

You put in the work.

[sighs] But you wanted this part so badly.

Jackson, you deserve this sh*t.

Honestly, I want to see you k*ll it.

Grab your stuff.
We'll be late to rehearsal.

Are you sure?

About calling you a butthead?
Oh, 100 percent.

This is your last chance to give up.

Ha!

[Max] En garde.

[DJ] ♪ Lollipops and gummy bears
Are my favorite treat ♪

♪ When I'm being good
I ask my dad for a sweet ♪

♪ Lollipops and gummy bears and cookies
And treats that we can share ♪

♪ They make me so happy ♪

♪ They make me so happy ♪

♪ So happy… ♪

Do you guys want to join us
at Burt's Malt Shop after play rehearsal?

[Max] Not available! Dueling!

[Fernando]
Vengeance is sweeter than milkshakes!

[swords clattering]

When you move out, you're gonna miss that.

[Max grunts] Surrender.

[Fernando grunts] I surrender, fine.

Go ahead, you can gloat now.

Okay, I win.

Yay.

Little Galahad, why are you so sad
in the hour of your greatest triumph?

I don't want you to move away.

But why, Max?

Ever since we met,
I've been a thorn in your side.

Yeah, I know but...

when you move away, this place will just…

It'll feel a little bit less like home.

I mean...

you drive me nuts, Fernando.

But you get me.

Oh, dear.

Did you put on your mask
to hide your tears?

[Fernando's voice breaking] No.

I have a lot of mixed emotions about
moving away from the house of Fuller.

But I realize now that...

I'm especially sad that...

I won't get to see you every day.

[Max sighs]

Don't worry, Max.

You'll still see way more of me
than anyone wants to.

Hey, what are you doing up here?

Oh, I just thought it was
a little bit cluttery up here earlier,

so I thought I'd come tidy up.

Oh, yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

Wait a minute.

We never think the same thing.
One of us is lying.

Okay, fine.

I'm up here
looking for my new something borrowed.

I thought you were gonna wear Mom's veil.

I was, but...

I don't know, after talking to Jimmy,
I realized I've...

got some emotions
bubbling to the surface.

You know I don't do emotions.

Well, we don't have to talk about it.

Thanks.

I don't remember Mom.

What are you talking about?

When Jimmy asked me
what my favorite memory of her was,

I realized that the only memories
that I have

are from pictures
or stories that you told me.

Well, you were only five when she passed.

I know.

Just makes me sad.

I feel like I've lost
that connection with her.

[sniffles]
And the veil just reminds me more of that.

Steph...

Hey, I, um...

I think I know a place
that might jog your memory.

Really?

Thanks, Deej.

You're the best big sister ever.

Well, I like taking care of my little sis.

I can't believe you're moving out.

And now,
I'm gonna have to reapply my makeup.

Thanks a lot, Steph.

[vocalizing]

Hey, Steve, check it out.

I got you a shirt.

[laughs]

"I am a bad-axe."

Whoo, sweet!

See, that I would wear
around Daytona Beach in a second.

It's really, really great.

But just out of curiosity,
is there, like, a giant, menacing guy

staring at me from down the bar?

[weakly] No.

He's right behind you.

[groans]

You don't belong here, buddy.

You are so right, large,
intimidating fellow. I'm just gonna go--

No, no, no.
You leave when I say you leave.

Okay, you know what?
Quit hassling our friend here.

Paul Bunyan thought he could walk in here
and break my record.

Oh, my gosh, Paul Bunyan.

The rare intersection
between lumberjacking and podiatry.

You, sir, may be a bully,
but you are also a genius.

Okay, you want a piece of him,
you're gonna have to get through me.

Great! I get to b*at up two guys today.

Make that three.

Four! What are we counting?

Counting the number of guys who are
going to take a b*ating for Steve.

None of you guys
have been in a fight before, have you?

Hold on, you know what?

Let me tell you something about this guy

that you're about to b*at up,
break in half, and throw in a ditch.

Why are you giving him ideas?

This guy, he healed my heart

when I didn't think
it could be put back together again.

And when the chips are down,
I know he's got my back.

That's why I will forever have his.

Are we doing dramatic speeches?

Wonderful.

Esteban, I never thanked you

for setting an example
for me to strive for.

You taught me to be a better me.

No one thought that was possible.

You knew, so...

I will proudly take a b*ating
on his behalf.

Yeah, giant guy.

Steve taught me how to make
the perfect grilled cheese sandwich.

The key is a bit of paprika
smeared with mayonnaise--

-Jimmy, I'm not sure that's relevant.
-Not now, Steve. I'm on a roll.

Steve has always been there for me,
even when I didn't know I needed it.

I'm just sad you've clearly never had
a friend as good as Steve before.

[whimpering, crying]

These guys really love you, man.

Oh!

Oh! I wish I had BFFs like them.

Are you crying again?

Let's go.

[sighs] Oh!

Guys, we wanted a crazy night.
We got one. Whoo!

We're almost as crazy
as the She-Wolf Pack.

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Hey, we need our own name.

-Oh!
-How about the He-Wolves?

How about the Booyah Boys?

Maybe we don't need a name.

Too late!

Booyah!

[all] Booyah!

That does feel right.

So, you recognize this place?

No.

I wish I did.

Nice going, DJ.

Chocolate milkshake with whipped cream
and two cherries, please.

Oh, wait.

That was my order.

I remember. Mom used to bring us here
for milkshakes after dance class.

Nice going, DJ.
I knew this plan would work.

Feeling better, then?

Well, I'm a little concerned that girl
might be the ghost version of me, but...

No, it's nice to know that there are
things I can actually re-remember.

Thanks for giving me back
this memory of Mom.

And it's yours forever to keep.

Hey, Deej. We made it.

Oh, hey!

Make way for the Booyah Boys!

And the rest.

[overlapping chatter]

What's everybody doing here?

Oh, I sent a group text.

We only have so many nights left together.

Well...

I don't have a wedding binder like DJ,
but I do have an announcement.

All wedding planning
is now officially done.

[all cheering]

Yeah, I decided to use Mom's veil
as my something borrowed after all.

And I'd like to change my mind

and use Mom's wedding brooch
as my something borrowed.

And with your permission, I would love
to use your mom's wedding necklace.

It would be nice to honor the woman
who created my two besties.

[all] Aw.

Look at this family we've built.

It's pretty dang perfect.

I can't wait to get married with you all.

["Build Me Up Buttercup" plays]

"Build Me Up Buttercup."
This was Mom's favorite song.

Yeah, it sure was.

Thanks for the visit, Mom.

Everybody, sing!

-♪ Why do you build me up ♪
-♪ Build me up ♪

♪ Buttercup, baby, just to let me down ♪

♪ Let me down ♪

♪ And mess me around
And then worst of all ♪

♪ Worst of all ♪

♪ You never call, baby
When you say you will ♪

-♪ Say you will ♪
-♪ But I love you still ♪

♪ I need you ♪

-♪ I need you ♪
-♪ More than anyone, darling ♪

♪ You know that I have from the start ♪

♪ So build me up ♪

♪ Build me up, buttercup
Don't break my heart ♪

♪ I'll be over at 10:00 ♪

♪ You told me time and again
But you're late ♪

♪ I wait around, and then... ♪

[theme music playing]
♪ One, two, three, four ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

[vocalizing]