03x07 - License to Drill

[bunniefuu]

♪

[Knock on door]

We're not open yet.

[Knocking continues]

I said we're not open.

Please! I need your help.

[Sighs]

Detective Jay Geils?

Depends who's asking.

Me.

Come on in.

Have a seat.

So, what can I do for you, Miss...?

Ashley. Mrs. Laura Ashley.

Well, you see, the thing is, um,

my husband's cheating on me.

I think you want
the other kind of detective,

the one with the drinking problem
and the colorful inner monologue.

No, please. I'm begging you.

I don't know what else to do!

Please, please. I'm sure things
are just as bad as they seem.

[Sighs] So, what do you need me to do?

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

You have no idea
how humiliating this is for me.

Allow me.

[Paper rips]

So, what's your husband's name?

Steven Ashley.

But be careful because
he's a very powerful man.

He single-handedly prevented soccer

from becoming popular
in the United States.

And you want me to talk to him, or...

Well, I'm planning on
filing for divorce,

but with his influential connections,

he'll be able to leave me with nothing.

If I can prove he's having an affair,

I can at least avoid
a prolonged custody battle.

How many children do you have?

Oh, I'm barren.

Okay, Mrs. Ashley, this is not
something I really should be doing,

but since you seem so
upset and attractive,

I'm willing to make an exception.

Thank you.

Here's a picture of my
husband and his address.

And how will I get in touch with you?

I'll reappear when you least expect it.

That's all one word, at Gmail.com.

Geils, what's the good word?

"Tremulous."

Some lady asked me to take
pictures of her cheating husband.

You mean this lady?

Isn't she looking for the
other kind of detective?

She just seems so desperate,

and since I don't know
anything about her,

I don't see how anything
bad could come of it.

[Pencil sharpener whirs]

You're probably right.

Any word on your dad being alive?

Did you track down your step-mom?

Turns out she lives in the area.
I'm gonna look her up.

My g*n is missing.

Oh, do you want an extra?

I just picked some up at Costco.

Here.

♪ Angie Tribeca ♪

What are you bringing me in for?
I didn't do anything.

I brought you in.

Hello, Carnie.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the step-daughter
I never wanted.

Thanks for dragging me in
here on my smoke break.

Now when am I gonna smoke?

I know my dad's still alive, Carnie.

It was the Christmas cards, wasn't it?

Why would you lie to me
and tell me he was dead?

I was only years old.

.

We figured it wouldn't bother you as
much if you thought you were older.

Don't you get it?
He didn't want to be around you.

Why would I believe anything you say?

You treated me like garbage.

Well, don't rewrite history.

You loved riding around
in that trash can.

Besides, how do you think I felt? Huh?

I lost my husband
because my step-daughter

was so rotten he couldn't stand her.

You're lying. I know you're lying.

Tell me where to find him.

You think if I knew where he was

I'd be working as a waitress
in that rat-infested diner?

Nobody made you get your
master's in waitressing.

I don't know where he is.

[Sighs]

So you gonna order something or what?

I lost my appetite.

Hey, mister, you want some lemonade?

Sure, kid. I'll take a cup.

It's five bucks.

[Woman moaning]

Oh, yeah, baby.

- Oh.
- Oh, yeah.

[Moaning continues]

[Bed creaking]

Smile, you're...

dead?

[Moaning continues]

Man: You're listening to KMON, The Moan.

Playing love-making sounds
all day and all night.

Up next, an old classic.

[Woman moaning]

[Radio shuts off]

Hey, this is my g*n.

Freeze! Don't you...

Geils?

What the hell are you doing here?

I-I was supposed to take pictures
of this guy cheating on his wife,

but then I found him
dead next to my g*n.

We just got a call about
a sh**ting at this address.

Well, that's hilarious, 'cause
now it looks like I k*lled him.

[Both laugh]

I know!

This one's for the books.

[Both laugh]

I can see us laughing
about this a long time.

Like at my retirement party.

"Remember the time
when it looked like Geils

k*lled that guy and there
was evidence to back it up?"

[Both laugh]

You're never gonna live
this one down, buddy.

[Both laugh]

Anyway, you got the
right to remain silent.

What am I talking about?
You know this stuff already, right?

What the hell's going on?

I try acupuncture once,

and one of my cops kills someone?

Councilman Steven Ashley was
found dead from a g*nsh*t wound.

And we found Geils standing over
him with a g*nsh*t dispenser.

Oh, great, now Internal Affairs

is gonna get involved,
which means Abigail Liukin.

Looks like another one of your
flock's gone astray, Atkins.

I thought Tribeca was the dirty cop.

Turns out it's her boyfriend.

We're seeing other people.

Mm. Drove him away with your bad haircut
and your masculine manner.

Yeah, what's it to you?

What the hell was Geils
doing over there anyway?

Geils hates m*rder.

Some lady wanted him to take
pictures of her cheating husband.

That's his story?

That he was trying to catch the
councilman cheating on his wife?

Well, news flash.

Councilman Ashley was a bachelor.

So who the hell was this woman?

Somebody who had it out for Ashley
and used Geils to cover her tracks.

You can bat around
all the theories you want,

but we've got opportunity,
a m*rder w*apon,

and a kid selling lemonade

who heard g*nshots
coming from that house.

It's over for Geils.

♪

So, Nathan, you saw Detective
Geils go into the house

and then you heard three loud bangs?

Uh, yes, sir. It was really scary.

Was it?

So why do I have affidavits
from three of your friends

saying you were doing
cartwheels in a cul-de-sac

minutes later?

Uh... uh...

"Uh, uh, uh."

You didn't hear any g*nshots, did you?

You're a liar.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Hey, hey, hey. Relax.

Times infinity!

Hey, hey, hey, cool out!

He started it.

Chill.

Let me talk to him.

I used to be a kid.

Hey, buddy.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Uncle Detective Tanner's here.

We just need your help
to try to figure out

which bad guy made the bang-bang.

Are you sure it was this guy?

Yeah, that was him.

He bought some lemonade and then he
went in and k*lled the councilman.

Oh. Isn't he smart? [Laughs]

How did you know he was a councilman?

Because I follow local politics.

Really?

How do you feel about Prop ?

Um, for it?

So you want to permanently
close El Monte Reservoir,

even though it provides clean water
for the whole San Gabriel Valley?

Woman: Nathan, dinner!

My mom's calling me. I got to go.

The El Monte Reservoir proposition

was on last year's ballot,
but you already knew that.

Nathan's lying.

Atkins: Tanner, Tribeca,
get the hell in here!

Say hello to Mr. X,

another member of L.A. City Council.

[Distorted voice]
Nice to meet you, detectives.

I believe I know why Councilman
Ashley was m*rder*d.

He was about to be the deciding vote

on a ban against oil
drilling within city limits.

They're drilling for oil
inside the city?

[Laughing] Oh!

And there are many dark
forces that would do anything

to prevent that ban from
passing, including m*rder.

Let me show you what I mean.

By the way, I'm Gary. Gary Ecks.

_

[Children laughing]

Millions of gallons of crude oil
right in our backyards.

Can't get more convenient than that.

I'm telling you guys,
this is really bad.

Councilman Ashley tried to
stop it and it got him k*lled.

Would you detectives like
a Popsicle on a nice hot day?

Don't mind if I do.

The fossil fuel industry,
as you can imagine,

was totally against the ban.

But no one spoke out against it louder

than the CEO of Westernish Energy,

Mortimer Begoyle.

You got a lot of nerve showing up here.

Crude oil built this country,

and I know it's fashionable
to hate it now,

but there was a time
when the men who sucked

that black gold out of the
earth were treated like gods.

It was a better time.

Now, look, I run a legitimate business.

Sure, I've done things that I'm not
proud of, like warming the earth,

but you can't make an omelette
without breaking eggs.

And none of it, okay... none of it...

makes me a m*rder*r.

Okay, yes, yes.

We put up some resistance to the ban.

A couple of att*ck ads,
story line on "Empire,"

but I swear to God I had nothing to do

with k*lling Steven Ashley.

You think I don't know what I have?!

I cry myself to sleep every night

thinking about what I do to this planet!

I'm... I'm feeling like a monster!

And I want out.

Please, God, put me out of my misery!

Please tell me you found
something that exonerates Geils.

The b*llet was definitely from his g*n.

His fingerprints
are on the g*n, his hair,

fibers from his clothes,
his footprints, his saliva,

two eyelashes, and a drop of semen
were all found at the scene.

Okay, look, I know you
have a grudge against me,

but Geils has been nothing
but honest and loving with you,

and for you to take
some perverse pleasure

in seeing him in trouble

makes you a truly
horrible, rotten person.

But there were other
fingerprints on the g*n,

as well as other
footprints at the scene.

Geils!

We only have a few minutes.

We were picking up trash on the

and the guard took a phone call.

Oh, this is Tony, Jorge,
and Wade McDink.

The guy who barbecued his whole family?

No. I boiled them.

I am never gonna live that movie down.

I wanted to tell you guys
I remember something

about the woman who set me up.

She had a tattoo of one of those

dipping bird toys on her left breast.

I know it's not much,
but if we can figure out

what artist made that tattoo,

we can figure out who the hell she is

and why she wants me to fry
for the councilman's death.

What?

Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you guys,

I got the death penalty.

- What?! No!
- Yeah.

I love you.

♪

I, uh, also got the death penalty.

No.

I don't know how much news
you were getting in prison,

but apparently the councilman was...

Yeah, he was trying to pass
a ban on backyard drilling.

I got a job at the prison newspaper

and I'm trying to make
facts matter again.

Also, Scholls was just telling me

that there was another set
of footprints at the scene.

I'm assuming you had a
monkey walk in various shoes

across a sample floor?

We're doing tests right now.

[Chattering]

We believe our suspect

was wearing Christian Louboutin heels.

She was a size , about pounds,

ate bananas, and wore a diaper.

I'm gonna find that woman,
Geils, so help me God.

You're not gonna fry, not on my watch.

I really appreciate that.

Wade, we better get back to the... Wade!

[Horse whinnies] Such a good boy.

The other horses told me you'd be here.

You know why I like horses, Tribeca?

They're silent and they
can see through walls.

Geils is a good cop
and he needs your help.

He should've thought about that
before he sh*t Steven Ashley.

He didn't do it.

And I think, on some
level, you know that,

so don't push this thing

just because you know it's hurting me.

That is a big part of it.

Help me clear his name.

All right, Tribeca.
I'll do some digging.

But if Geils' number comes up,
there's nothing I can do.

♪

[Crowd cheering]

[Tires screech, sirens wailing]

Hello, Nathan.

H-Hey, come on.
They... They can't do that.

Yep.

Selling lemonade without a license, huh?

You're going away for a long time.

I-I know my rights! I know my rights!

Let's have a look at
your finances, shall we?

Whoa. $ million?

Sure sold a lot of lemonade that day.

It was hot!

And it's about to get hotter.

What?

Oof!

We looked at the footage on Kyle's phone

and it clearly shows Geils
buys the lemonade,

goes into the house, then... nothing.

Silence.

The exact time that kid
claims to hear the g*nshots.

We're thinking somebody paid him
to say he heard the g*nshots.

Who? The woman with the tattoo?

I called every place in town.

Found three bird dipper tattoos,

all of them middle school
teachers, all had alibis.

[Sighs]

It's not a bird dipper.

It's an oil derrick.

[Telephone rings]

Atkins.

You're kidding me.

All right, thanks.

They moved up Geils' execution to today.

If you're not gonna touch that steak,

can I at least have a bite of your hair?

I'm not gonna eat my last meal
'cause I'm not gonna die.

Tribeca's gonna figure out
who that woman is

and she's gonna match
the prints on the g*n,

and this whole thing's gonna go away.

Well, I admire your spirit,
Geils, but the system is broken.

My last roommate got ex*cuted
for unpaid parking tickets

and k*lling a guy.

Sorry, Wade, but I believe in the system

and I believe the system's
gonna get me out of here

way before they sh**t , volts
of electricity into my brain.

That one.

Okay, cool. Got it. Thanks. Peace.

Guess who got an oil derrick
tattoo six months ago?

Cher.

Yeah. And Stephanie Begoyle.

Mortimer Begoyle's only daughter.

And the heiress to the
Westernish Energy fortune.

Take her down,

and for God's sake,
don't hurt her money!

♪

Where's your daughter, Stephanie?

Drop your weapons.

[g*n clatters]

You don't have to do this, Stephanie.

You could still live a good life.

I've committed double m*rder.

I didn't say a great life, just...

You just don't get it, do you?

Oil is special.

It's nature's candy,

and the only way to get it
is to drill into the ground.

If that causes headaches
and nausea and asthma,

that's a small price to pay.

And k*lling your father?
Is that a small price?

Now you're getting it.

He was gonna walk away from billions

to pursue his dream of handing
out pretzel samples at the mall.

My father faked his own
death when I was ,

and I would give up everything
to hear his voice again.

Why are you telling me that?

I don't even know who you are.

Well, oh, well.

[g*n cocks]

Doesn't matter.

Don't.

She's not downstairs.

You guys having any luck up here?

Why'd y'all drop y'all g*ns?

Why is that guy dead?

What's up with her?

Geils.

All right. Good practice.

It's gonna go just like that,
but for real this time, okay?

Here we go.

- Stop the execution!
- Okay, sorry.

Let's go, partner.
We've cleared your name.

[Sighs]

I never doubted you for a minute.

[Chuckles] Get a room, you two.

Tribeca cleared my name.

Ah! Isn't that nice!

Angie, you remember Wade.

Yeah. Yeah, we met before.

Of course. Good to see you again!

- Good to see you, too.
- Always...

I'm so sorry. We need to k*ll him now.

- Oh, okay.
- Great to see you.

- Thanks. Take care.
- Bye now.

- Later, buddy.
- Bye.

Order!

[Gavel bangs] Order.

With Councilman The Mom from
the Oil Drilling Scene's vote,

the ban on drilling for
oil within city limits

is hereby passed.

[Cheers and applause]

Council is adjourned.

Tribeca: Liukin.

Thank you. I owe you one.

You owe me two.

That's everything I could
dig up on your father.

How'd you know about this?

We've been tailing you since
you were arrested last year.

Bugged your house, tapped your phones,

spied on you with your webcam.

You have a really great body.

Thank you.