03x08 - If You See Something, Solve Something

[bunniefuu]

[Breathing heavily]

It's too hot! I can't!

I'll just take the blast.

Okay, I got a Dora the
Explorer backpack.

No, strike that.

The eyes are too small,
and the haircut's wrong.

Laura the Adventurer.

It's a knock-off!

I got movement!

Freeze. Put your hands on your head.

Oh, right.

Guys, do you mind?

[All grumbling]

Okay, go ahead.

♪

♪ Angie Tribeca

You're shining that right in my eye.

How is she doing?

Post-traumatic stress, hypothermia,

possible case of the Mondays.

I'm just glad I had extra
workout clothes in my locker.

Ma'am, what's your name?

I don't remember.

Do you have any idea who could
have put you in that backpack?

No.

Name all three Bee Gees.

Barry, Robin, and...

and...

It's like her mind's been erased.

This is a textbook case of amnesia.

You can see here on the back of her head

where someone hit her with a textbook.

Ma'am, I'm gonna say some key words

to try and jog your memory.

Let me know if anything sounds familiar.

Ceviche.

Galapagos.

Almond butter.

Saddle bags.

Lupita Nyong'o.

This is hopeless.

Let's just put her in the
asylum and be done with it.

Asylum.

The... The... The lunatics
are taking over the asylum.

Oh, good, she knows who she is.

You're free to go, ma'am.
Have a nice day.

Good job, Geils.

Wait.

Where'd you get that tattoo?

I have a tattoo?

It's a walk/don't walk sign.

What? Seriously?

That's terrible.

Do you think they could turn it
into a dolphin or a yin-yang?

Yeah, probably.

Something's wrong here.

No, we were just telling
her it could be changed

into something else so
she wouldn't get upset.

We need to figure out who she is

and who put her in that bag.

Showing up naked in a
backpack is not a crime,

and without crimes to solve,

we're just two people in businesswear.

What are we supposed to do,
drop her off at the bus stop,

where she has to turn
tricks to buy a candy bar?

Guys, you aren't far away
enough where I can't hear you.

Look, it was exciting

when she crawled out of the backpack,

but now she's eating up our whole day.

She's all alone.

Dr. Scholls?

Can you pack her up for me?
I'm gonna take her home.

Let me grab her food and her toy.

♪

How you doing?

I'm just glad I had an
extra set of pajamas.

Why are you being so nice to me?

I guess I can relate to someone
who doesn't know who they are.

But we're gonna have to come
up with something to call you.

Oh, I remember my name. It's...

How about Deirdre?

Okay, sure.

Anyway, you know where the towels are,

and help yourself to anything else.

Just try to get some rest.

Thanks.

Good night.

It's a one-bedroom.

[Air rushing]

[Muffled] Night-night.

Are either of you familiar
with the m*rder*r

Edward Stracciatelli?

[Buzzer] Uhh...

Uhh...

[Bell dings] Geils!

He's one of the Stracciatelli brothers.

They ran a pyramid scheme
about five years ago

based around an energy drink

- that promised to make you immortal.
- Oh, yeah!

Didn't one of the brothers rat
out Edward, so he k*lled him?

Yes, and then the third brother

ratted out Edward for the m*rder.

In any case, he was in Huggies
Maximum Security Prison

until this morning, when
his cell was found empty

by prison authorities.

I thought nothing gets out of Huggies.

Your job is to catch
him and put him back.

Hopefully by this Saturday
because I'm planning a little...

engagement party for me and Wiedner.

- Wow, lieutenant!
- Oh-ho!

I don't want to make a
big deal out of it.

- It is a big deal!
- That's great!

What are you talking about?!

I said I do not want to
make a big deal of it!

[Door opens]

Thanks for the clothes.

I'm just glad I had an extra suit.

But maybe we could also stop at a store.

You're welcome.

I think I remember what happened.

My parents, they left me at home,

and then these two burglars,
they tried to break in,

but I set all of these elaborate traps.

We watched "Home Alone" last night.

Oh.

Don't worry. You'll figure it out.

How's your head?

Where'd you learn to do that?

I don't know.

What?

Oh!

Ah!

Ah, no Kn*fe training. Got it.

We've gone through Edward's
cell top to bottom.

No clue how he escaped.

Great. Okay.

Well, thank you for your help... Guard.

It's pronounced "Gward."

Okay, I'm Edward Stracciatelli.

I'm in my cell, and I'm gonna escape.

How do I do it?

I don't see nothing out of the ordinary.

Geils.

Baloney sandwich. Of course.

Every day, Stracciatelli gets
a baloney sandwich for lunch.

He sustains himself on
the bread and chips

but starts stockpiling the Baloney.

Pretty soon, he'll have enough
Baloney to get down to business.

[Whirring]

Baloney key.

Baloney clothes.

[Engine revs]

And a Baloney ride.

That all makes sense
except for one thing.

What'd he put in the gas t*nk?
Baloney doesn't burn.

He had help.

This is where we found you.
Anything ring a bell?

I don't know. It's all so foggy.

Where'd you learn to do that?

I don't know.

Hey, you. [Chuckles]

Oh, my gosh. How are you?

Sorry. I have no idea who you are.

Scott. Yeah, remember?

We had a great time, and you told me

you were gonna call me, but
I never heard from you.

Good thing I saw you. You know what?

This time, I'm gonna
get your phone number.

I don't mean to be rude,
but I have amnesia,

so I don't remember anything.

I'm really sorry.

Amnesia? That's what you're going with?

Wow. That's a new one.

What is it about old Scotty
that makes women "get amnesia"

or "move to Colorado"

or "get cast in a Bolivian
Cirque du Soleil"?

Sir, she really does have amnesia.

You know, all I did was like you,

and it wasn't just because you were

the only person that matched
with me on the website.

I liked the real you.

I liked the person I sat
across from at the table

who paid for my dinner.

Good luck with your amnesia.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go get my
model trains repaired.

I am so sorry.

It seems like people
just don't understand

what you're going through,
but I'm here for you,

and we will get your memory back.

No, I totally remember that guy.

Really small pinkies.

I remember when he picked me up
at my house in his mom's car.

Your house?

Oh, my God. I-I remember my house.

Gray Craftsman with a-a big front porch,

a chimney on the roof,
knobs on the doors,

grass on the lawn,

a sidewalk just beyond
the grass, and a curb...

Basil Drive. I know that house.

L.A.P.D.

We want to ask you some questions

about the Baloney
motorcycle parked outside.

Yeah, it's been parked out
there for eight hours.

We're gonna have it towed.

Any chance your cameras caught
the guy who rode it in here?

It's possible, but the
manager doesn't let me

mess with the security footage.

Can we speak with the manager?

That's me. How can I help you?

We were wondering if you had
any surveillance footage

of the guy who rode in on
that Baloney motorcycle.

Let's take a look.

Okay.

Oh, check out this lady.

She doesn't even buy anything.

She just wants directions.

[Laughs]

[Laughter]

Oh, this guy. You got to see this guy.

He comes up, he's got two hot dogs.

Suddenly, he buys a pen!

Like, what?

[Laughs]

[Chuckles]

Okay.

Oh, my God. Check this out.

Listen to how this guy says "nachos."

We can't hear anything.

Uh, uh, hang on a second.
Let me start it over.

He's like, "Ooh, do you
guys have any nay-chos?"

Nay-chos?

I was like, "We have
some nachos over there."

Random!

[Laughs]

Okay, Baloney motorcycle guy. Boring.

Wait. Go back!

You want to see the
nacho guy again, huh?

Me too.

This is it.

My house definitely had an outside.

How do you know how to do that?

I just do.

Absolute silence. Wait for my signal.

... ...

[Air horn blares]

Geils: L.A.P.D.! Drop the w*apon!

- Tribeca.
- Tanner?

Christie.

Deirdre?

Tribeca?

Geils.

What are you guys doing here?

We tracked an escaped
convict to a gas station

where surveillance footage
showed him leaving a vehicle

- registered at this address.
- To who?

Christie Ripley, the prison guard.

Who helped Edward Stracciatelli escape.

And she lived here?

She was forced to help him.

He... He threatened her. He hurt her.

We got to find this Ripley.

She's right here.

I get it.

Christie Ripley! Los Angeles police!

Geils: Tribeca.

Right.

We're gonna need you to step outside

while we search the house
for Christie Ripley.

He wanted to get revenge on his
brother for ratting him out.

Geils: Theodore testified
against Edward,

then he got put in the
Witness Protection program,

so he should be safe.

Edward said that he had
a way to find him.

Impossible.

I wouldn't even be able
to get his location.

Oh, scratch that. It's all here.

We have to go now.

Edward's on the move, and the minute

he kills his brother,
he's gonna disappear.

Also, we could prevent the k*lling.

I want to come.

I made this mess. I
should help clean it up.

Absolutely not.

The location of the protected witness

is one of the most
closely guarded secrets

in all of law enforcement.

Now, I need you to cover your
ears while I tell it to them.

Sir, with all due respect,

I feel like I've known Deirdre...
Christie.

...for my entire life.

She is a trained prison guard.

She would be an enormous
asset to this investigation.

Tribeca, you are asking too much.

Lieutenant, I just have a
feeling about this woman.

I know that she's gonna
be pivotal in this case.

And if I have to stake my
entire career on it, so be it.

Geils, what about you?

Your career is actually promising.

If Tribeca vouches for her,
then I'll vouch for her, too.

Well, now I'm gonna look like
an assh*le if I don't vouch.

Fine, I vouch for her.
You guys are annoying.

All right. She's clear
for this operation.

But we are gonna need this back.

♪

You guys should go to Theodore's house.

We're gonna walk through town
and see if anybody's seen him.

- You be careful.
- Will do.

Tribeca, remember. You're in Ratenberg.

This place is known for their taffy.

Let's go, Deirdre.

Just a second.

Ed?

I'm here.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.
How can I help you?

Hello, ma'am. Are you Mrs., uh, Crocker?

- Betty.
- I'm Detective Geils.

This is Detective Tanner, L.A.P.D.

We just have some questions
about your husband, uh...

What was his fake name?

Joe Crocker.

Do you have any identification?

Yes, we do.

Please, come in.

I am so sorry.

I'm in the middle of making
dinner, and Joe is at work.

Is there anything I can help you with?

We believe your husband is in danger.

How much do you know about his past?

Joe and I met when he
got back from Haiti

building churches,

and we fell in love and have
been married ever since.

There's fruit in that bowl
if you guys are hungry.

Your husband's real name
is Theodore Stracciatelli.

He put his brother Edward away for life.

This morning, Edward escaped from prison

and is on his way here to seek revenge.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

So? They gonna assign me
a new husband or what?

Wouldn't you be sad if
somebody k*lled your husband?

He's not my husband,
and I'm not his wife.

We were assigned to each other.

I'm Loretta Sanchez.

I found two pounds of
diamonds in the woods,

and, like an idiot, I went to the cops.

So, you're in Witness Protection, too?

The whole town is.

Why do you think it's called Ratenberg?

It's filled with whistle-blowers,
finger-pointers,

your basic tattletales.

Oh, that's just the dog.

Don't worry. He doesn't bite.

Where can we find your husband now?

He's always drinking
down at John O'Doe's.

He thinks I don't know
that he hangs out there,

but somebody ratted him out.

[Door opens]

Oh, the kids are home from school.

- Hi, mom.
- Your dad's cover is blown.

I knew the second I won the science fair

something bad was gonna happen.

[Bell jingles]

I'll be with you in a moment.

Excuse me, sir. Sorry to bother you.

L.A.P.D. We were wondering...

Dr. Zaius?

Well, well, well. Angie Tribeca.

I haven't seen you since you put me away

for art theft in season
one, episode three.

What brings you here?

[Whispers] Are you in
Witness Protection, too?

No, no. Are you?

[Normal voice] Yes.

I testified against my
own twin brother, Randy,

even though he didn't do it.

Then they gave me a
new name, Tony Fudge,

and put me in this shop.

Would you like an ice cream?

I'll take a scoop of vanilla.

- Whipped cream?
- Sure.

[Rattles]

Whoops. Got an empty one. [Chuckles]

[Rattles]

Whoops. What are the chances?

Okay, here we go.

[Rattles]

It's fine. I don't need the...

No, no, no. Don't be silly.

[Rattles]

Will you look at that? Hold on.

[Rattles]

[Rattles]

[Rattles]

[Rattles]

[Rattles]

[Rattles]

[Rattles]

[Rattles]

[Rattles]

- You could just forget the whipped cream.
- No.

You asked for whipped cream,

and it's whipped cream you shall have.

Okay, there's nothing in here.

It's... I'll just take the scoop...

Okay, here we go. Now we're in business.

[Rattles]

[Rattles]

[Rattles]

It's totally f... I don't
even like whipped cream!

Are you sure? Because this
ice cream is terrible.

- Totally.
- Suit yourself.

How about you? Would you
like a scoop of ice cream?

Dr. Zaius, we're actually
looking for someone.

Oh, I've seen him.

I'm surprised it took you
this long to find him.

You've seen Theodore Stracciatelli?

Oh, no. I thought you were
looking for your father.

He lives right down the street,

next to the guy who knows
why Pope Benedict retired.

My father's here?

[Cellphone rings]

What's up, Geils?

Got it.

Theodore's at a bar nearby.
We got to go.

Dr. Zaius, I'm gonna come back
and find out where my father is,

but right now,

I have a m*rder*r to stop.

I'll be here!

[Bell jingles]

[Door closes]

♪

Theodore Stracciatelli?

Yeah.

Uh, I mean no. I'm Joe.

Joe Stracc... Crocker.

Stracc is my middle name.

Eddie's escaped from prison.
He's coming to k*ll you.

We got to get you out of here.

How'd he find me? How did you find me?

Due to the threats, we
were secretly briefed

on your whereabouts,
but don't worry, sir.

We've been very careful
with that information.

Not careful enough, I'm afraid.

[g*n cocks]

Was that your cock under the table?

You led me right to Eddie's rat brother.

I can't believe you bought
that whole amnesia story.

You think I'd forget Maurice Gibb,

the heart and soul of the Bee Gees?

I put my career on the line for you.

Geils: We all did.

Yeah, thanks for that.

Can I clear some of that for you?

We're still working here. Thank you.

Drop the g*n, Deirdre.

My colleagues have the drop on you.

I hate that I just said "drop" twice.

Always plan your sentences
ahead, Tribeca,

or you may find someone one step ahead.

Deirdre: Eddie, you made it.

So good to see you, baby.

Mmm. [Laughing]

Mmm.

[Laughing]

[Sighs]

I can't believe you testified
against me... your own brother.

You k*lled our other brother,

so don't act like brotherhood
is so important to you.

You're right, Theo,

especially since I'm about
to be an only child.

Drop the g*n, Stracciatelli.

Oh, what are you gonna
do, ice cream man?

Ah!

[Screaming]

Anyone else want a cone?

We are still working!

Thank you, Dr. Zaius.

It's nice to see you living life
on the straight and narrow.

I hope this means we're square.

We're square.

Your father's address.

You owe me one, Tribeca.

Dad?

No.

I'll go get him.