03x01 - The Accused

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

So, you want to know the truth.

Well, this is the truth.

[SIREN WAILING]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

OFFICER: I'm telling you,
it's Lieutenant Einstein, okay?

Einstein has the biggest
feet at the dispatch.

OFFICER # : No. He buys big shoes.

- It's an optical illusion.
- Why would anyone buy shoes

that are too big for them?

Because he wants you to think

he's got big feet. It's a ruse.

What's the difference?
He does have big feet.

I saw them in the locker room.

- Okay. So what?
- I'm telling you, man,

they're like pizza slices.

They're huge feet.

- [WHIMPERS]
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

We were all involved.

[SCREAMS]

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

Can you find who k*lled him?

DORY: Well,
it's not like I meant to k*ll him!

DREW: But you did!

[SCREAMS]

He's got the biggest
d*ck at the dispatch.

- [CAR DOOR CLOSES]
- You know what?

- I don't need this.
- You're jealous of him.

What? You didn't see my d*ck.

I've seen your d*ck.

You got a thumb.

[CAR DOOR OPENS]

Let's go.

OFFICER: Damn this thing.

Gets sticky.

Maybe the battery's dead.

Acting pretty calm for a m*rder*r.

I'm not a m*rder*r.

Well, you're acting pretty calm

for someone wrongly accused of m*rder.

[SCOFFS]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

♪ Obedear, the sky is low ♪

♪ Watch fluent seamen
rig their rudders ♪

OFFICER: One purse, set of keys,

one New York State driver's license.

One cellphone, one credit card,
one deep-red lipstick.

Five bobby pins... The little kind.

And, uh, one... Oh, man.

It's a cassette tape.

They're so useless now.

♪♪

It's cute, though.

God damn it!

What happened?

This system sucks!

I log the thing in,
I press return, like they said,

And guess what...

It disappears.

Piece of sh*t!

Just leave everything
on the desk for now.

Got to call that old
bitch to come fix it.

Okay.

Do you want your phone call now?

Uh... yeah.

Yeah, sure. Whatever I'm allowed.

Okay.

Come on. This way.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Here you go.

Mm, I don't know any numbers

off the top of my head.

Could I just look at my phone for a sec?

You've obviously never
been arrested before.

No, you can't have your phone!

You don't know a single
phone number, huh?

A boyfriend?

A friend? Anybody?

I do know...

one number by heart.

There you go.

[COIN CLINKS]

MAN: I'm gonna ask you once more.

[CELLPHONE RINGING]

Do you see me?

WOMAN: I don't know what you mean.

Yes, you do!

Do you see me, Amy?

[RINGING CONTINUES]

I see you!

- Oh!
- I see you!

No, you don't!

Oh, God!

DORY: Gail? Gail? Are you there?

Yeah. Dory, shh! Shh!

'm trying to hang up, okay? Stop.

No, no, no! Don't hang up on me, Gail!

Gail, listen.

I've been arrested.

For m*rder. It's insane!

What?!

- MAN: Shh!
- [WHISPERING] m*rder?!

WOMAN: Did she say "m*rder"?

I know. I-I can explain everything.

I just...
I need you to come to the th precinct.

- Okay?
- [SIGHS]

I can help out if the bail is small,

but I don't really have
access to real money

- MAN: Shh!
- Until the divorce is settled.

You know?

Yeah. That... that's fine. Okay?

J-Just...
Just please figure something out, okay?

Okay. Okay. I got it.

Shut up! My son's in this movie.

[WHISPERING] Dory,
Dory, can you hang up?

Because my watch phone
won't hang up until you do,

And there are a lot of people

Who are really angry
with me in the theater,

Even though they're the
ones that are yelling!

Yeah.

Thank you so much, Gail.

[COIN CLANKING]

[SIGHS]

- Which one is he?
- Shut up!

MAN: I... see... you.

[VEHICLES PASSING]

_

PORTIA: Then yesterday, you were like,

"I don't think there's any
such thing as a bad idea."

I hate to do this to you,
but I have to tell Drew.

- What? Why?!
- I have to tell Drew what you said.

I just... I just think you're being...

Where's Dory?

I don't know. I've just been
waiting here for everybody.

- Okay. Okay. Drew, settle an argument.
- God!

What did Dory mean when she texted,
"I paid the debt"?

No, Elliott! Just stop! Just drop it.

I assume she meant
that she paid off April.

- Mm-hmm.
- There you go. See?

Yeah. When I read the text...

exactly... that's what
I thought, as well.

That's not... what you thought.

What... Uh, what else could it be?

- Tell him.
- [SCOFFS]

Tell him what you said.

Drew, for one very teeny, tiny second,

I thought maybe Dory was referring

to paying off her student loans,

And Elliott's being a
really big jerk about that.

- Well...
- [CHUCKLES]

Then why would we be
meeting under a bridge?

- Exactly! It's just a really big deal
- to pay off your student loans!

I don't want to talk about it anymore!

- [CELLPHONE BUZZING]
- Oh, wait. Wait.

I think Dory's calling
me from Gail's phone.

- Don't!
- Why?

- I'm scared.
- Ugh! Just answer it!

Yeah.

- Hello?
- GAIL: Drew? Drew?

Hi. It's Gail.

It's Gail. Listen.

There is no right way to say this.

Dory has been arrested.
Can you believe it?

- She's making another phone call.
- [SIGHS]

Look at her! She could care less!

I'm sorry?

Dory's been arrested?

Ask why.
If you don't ask why, it'll be obvious

- we already know why.
- Uh, o-oh, I mean, why on Earth

would she be arrested?

I mean, my sweet, little Dory
can do no harm, and that's...

- Why are you talking like that?
- I don't know.

They...
They say that she committed a m*rder!

I mean, can you believe that? Our Dory?

Uh, no. That is unbelievable.

I mean, w-who in the
hell would she m*rder?!

She's so small!

You know what, Drew? I got to go.

I love you so, so much.

We're gonna get through this.

Um, yeah.

Gail, I'll... man, I
love you, too, so...

Love you so much. Okay, bye.

[CELLPHONE BEEPS]

Okay. So, who told?

Out with it.

What do you mean?

Obviously,
one of us told the authorities, okay?

I don't want to waste one more
second wondering who it was.

- Who was it?
- Well, it wasn't me.

- It wasn't me.
- Great.

Then, it was Elliott.

How could it be me?! I brought it up!

Maybe it was Dory!

Maybe she turned herself in, you guys!

Oh, my God. Grow up.
Why would she do that?

Because she's trying to save
us and had a master plan!

- Think about it!
- Oh, sweetie.

Yeah, I bet it was April.

If it was April,
we'd all be arrested by now, Drew.

Yeah, well, maybe we're next, Elliott.

Stop scaring me, Drew!

Well, it is scary, Portia! Okay?!

This is the reality we live in!
This is America now!

What do we do?!

There's nothing to do. Right?

Let's just... let's go home

and act like we're innocent,
and we'll just pretend.

We'll pretend that we don't
know why Dory's arrested,

And that will be that.

- Yeah.
- Right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Okay, so we do nothing.

It's a pact.

Hands in.

No. Let's just go.

- Yeah. Okay.
- Let's... Yeah.

And please call me

if you get arrested or something, okay?

Drew, where are you going?
Let's just all go home together.

Yeah, I don't... I don't know w...

Yeah. Let's go together.

Alright, you know what?

Uh, just take a seat right
there till we transfer you.

Got a freakin' rat infestation.

Wouldn't you know...
they ate the keys to the holding cell.

Mm.

Which sucks for the people in it.

This place is a God damn dump.

Which is why you got
to vote for Panchapezzi

In the next election, hmm?

Dory?

Dory Sief!

Oh, my God!

I haven't seen you since high school!

You look so good!

Whoa. Mel Benina.

Hey.

I had no idea you live in New York.

Girl! Look at us.

[SINGSONG VOICE] We made it!

[CHUCKLING] Yeah.

I guess we did.

So, - what are you in for?

Oh, uh, it's a long story.

I guess you could say

I... mishandled my ambition.

Mm. Me too, girl.

I broke a toilet.

- Yep.
- Mm.

My ex owns a bar.
I knew exactly what I was doing.

I went there to break the toilet.

Do you know how much it sucks

To have a bar on a Friday
night with a broken toilet?

I ruined his night.

[CHUCKLES]

W-Well, I hope you don't get,
like, a long sentence for that.

No. Don't worry about me.
My uncle's a judge.

I'll be out in like an hour
if it's like last time.

- Mm.
- [CHUCKLES]

[SCOFFS] I am attracted to,
like, the worst guys.

I mean, like, nice guys are great,

But I feel like part of me is,
like, addicted to the drama.

I mean, what can I say?

He's my twin flame.

Yeah, I ha...

- I have that problem, too.
- Mm.

So, um, do you know,
like, w-what they do

with the stuff you have
on you when you come in?

You know? Like, where does it go?

Oh, I'm not sure.

If you go to, like, jail jail,
they really take it away,

But otherwise, they
just, like, babysit it.

- Mm.
- You won't get your dr*gs back,

though, which is so messed up.

It's like, change that rule already.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, my God.
Did you know Miss Cremison d*ed?!

[WATER RUNNING]

♪♪

♪♪

[WATER STOPS]

♪♪

It's like, I should be able

to date two guys at once.

Like, why do either of them

have to know about the other?

Well, you know what?
Your toilet's broken.

So now you know. Now you know.

[SCOFFS] God.

Oh, did you know that
I ran into Alec Rothblatt

at that, um... Oh, at that drink place?

I can't remember what it's called.

It's something with, uh... "Tu... "

Uh, T-Truth.

The... The Truth Bar.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[MEL CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

Hey, babe.

[GASPS]

Guess one of your
friends tattled on you, huh?

After everything you did for them.

- I thought it was you.
- No! I'm dead...

'cause you k*lled me!

Remember?!

And you don't even feel bad about that,
do you?

I had to do what I had to do.

Yeah. But look where you ended up.

I d*ed for nothing.

♪♪

I wonder how much they know.

I wonder how much they know!

They might know nothing.

But that tape...

It's all on that tape.

What are you gonna
do about that tape, Dory?

For goodness' sakes,
it's got the full confession on it!

You, Drew, Portia, and Elliott

all "Yak, yak, yak."

"Oh, we're so annoying."

Where should we get brunch?

We m*rder*d Keith!

Waah! Waah!

- "Waaaaaaah!"
- [WHIMPERS]

Anyway, do you think that would

make a good Halloween costume?

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Yeah.

I love it.

What do you love about it?

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

OFFICER: Yeah, well, normally,

We write down the
information on a data form,

But now we have to enter
it into a computer system,

And maybe Peter's son, you know,

was checking out some p*rn
and downloaded a virus.

I don't know,
but the system is a piece of sh*t.

Okay.

Thank you.

[DOOR CREAKS, THUDS]

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

[THUD]

Mnh.

I want to be famous.

♪♪

♪♪

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

Hi. How are you?

Uh, can I have a one-way
ticket to Shanghai, please?

I think there's one that
leaves in less than an hour.

If we just hurry
through this transaction...

and... passport.

I have this, as well.

It's my card... for paying.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Damn it!

My wrists hurt from breaking the toilet!

I need a shower!

And I still have a nacho chip

stuck in my gums!

Can a girl get some floss, please?!!

[BREATHING RAPIDLY]

[WHIMPERING]

Don't!

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I need medical attention.

- Whoa! Whoa!
- I'm fine.

I just need my pills,
but they're in my bag.

Can I... Can I have my bag, please?

Oh, uh, no, no, no,
no. That's not, uh...

I'll... I'll call the medic.

No, no, no, no! I need my pills now!

Uh, I-I-I-I can't.

If you don't give me my pills now,
I'll become contagious.

- What?
- And the virus will spread to you,

And then everyone in this
room will become infected!

W-W-What do you
have?! What do you have?!

Do it now! There's not much time!

You don't want to
be responsible for this!

Which one? Which one, damn it?!

That one. That one.

That one. That one.

- T-There's no meds in here!
- Yes, there are!

Just give it to me! I'll find it!

Really can't do that, okay?!

Do you want everyone in
this building to die?!

No.

Give me the bag now!

No, no, no! What are you doing?!

Are you cra... You're a lunatic!

What are you doing? Stop that!

Stop that! Give me that! Hey, guys!

- Oh, no, no, no!
- Come on.

- Hey, calm down!
- Hey! Easy! Easy!

- Hey, calm down!
- Ma'am, back up! Back up!

Be careful!

She's diseased!

- Watch it!
- What?!

God, I hope this wasn't important.

[DOOR OPENS]

[FOOTSTEPS, DOOR CLOSES]

Mm.

I can't wait - to marry you.

Dory's been arrested.

- What?
- For m*rder.

And even though I barely
had anything to do with it,

There's a slim possibility that
I might be arrested, as well.

The legal system is so messed up!

Elliott, what is...
what are you... [SIGHS] what?

Look, I don't know what's gonna happen,

But I need you by my side, okay?

And we have to prepare for the worst,

Because something wicked this way comes.

Does...

Does this affect the wedding?

Oh, no, baby. No.

Okay. Alright.

- It's okay.
- [WHIMPERS]

You're so stressed out.

You don't need to be this stressed out.

- [SHUSHING]
- You've got this.

No, I'm fine.

Mm, let's just snuggle.

Why'd you rip up the cassette tape?

I'm not talking till I have a lawyer.

Okay.

I get it.

You're a smart girl.

We can get a public defender to come in,

But, uh... it's late,

so either you talk to me

or we take you to jail jail.

[PAPERS RUSTLE]

Take a look at this.

Oh, my God.

No, no, no.

Don't look away.

That's what happens to the human body

When it's not properly embalmed...

When it's stuffed in a suitcase to rot.

It's horrifying.

Nobody deserves that.

Don't you think, Dory?

Do you think anyone deserves that?

Oh, and another thing.

Oh, you probably heard.

We got an anonymous tip.

Now, normally, these
tips aren't so helpful,

But this one was spot-on.

Someone who couldn't possibly have known

the details of the case

unless they were there.

This person knew that Keith Powell

was bludgeoned to death.

Someone hit him so hard in the head,

he didn't stand a chance.

And this person said that someone...
was you.

- Did you do this, Dory?
- [TAPS PHOTO]

Could you have done
this to another person?

To a father?

♪♪

I want a lawyer.

♪♪

[SIGHS]

[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

[LAUGHTER]

♪♪

♪♪

Elijah.

North Star?!

- Oh, hi!
- [CHUCKLES]

- She's here!
- Ohh!

She's here!

- Where have you been?
- I need to talk to you.

Okay. Yeah.

I'm freaking out.

Okay.

What's going on?

You didn't tell anyone about
that thing I told you, right?

Because it was, like,

a really, really big secret.

Are you actually asking me that?

I'm sorry. It's just...
Dory was arrested,

And I really don't know what
that means for me, and...

[VOICE BREAKING] I'm just really scared!

Wow! Really?

You really didn't tell anyone, right?

You really didn't call the police?

You really didn't tell anyone?

[CHUCKLES]

I told nobody.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

You trust me, don't you?

[CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]

Of course.

Dance.

- It's good for ya!
- [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

WOMAN: Hi.

Uh...

[CLEARS THROAT]

S-Sorry.

Elijah?

What, Meg? We're dancing.

I know. Sorry to interrupt.

Um, I'm just wondering

if everyone's planning
on spending the night...

Just because I'm the only
one who knows how to lock up,

And I'm just wondering

if I'll get to go home tonight or not.

E... Th...

Either way is fine.

Either way is... is fine.

[CHUCKLES]

We'll see how it goes.

Okay. Great.

I'm... I'm just gonna lay my head down

Under my desk, if you need me.

Can we kiss again?

Dissolve with me.

I really want to kiss.

Dissolve.

Okay.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

[P.A. CHIMES]

PILOT: Alright, folks.

Again, we are sorry about the delay,

But we have some good news.

Looks like ground control
was able to safely fish

The little hummingbird
out of the gas t*nk,

and they're saying
the little guy is A-okay!

So it looks like we're good to go.

MAN: Oh, thank God.

Finally!

Get me to China, damn it!

[P.A. CHIMES]

Hmm. Looks like I spoke too soon.

[PEOPLE GROAN]

I'm actually getting
some strange news here.

This is certainly a first for moi.

I'm being told there's a police matter.

We've been instructed to sit tight.

Uh-oh. [SIGHS]

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

♪♪

[SIGHS]

♪♪

Mr. Gardner.

Me?

You're under arrest for
the m*rder of Keith Powell.

[PEOPLE GASP]

T-That's probably some
sort of sick prank, right?

OFFICER:
You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can
and will be held against

you in a court of law.
You have the right to an attorney.

If you can't afford an attorney,

an attorney will be provided for you.

You understand these rights

as I've said them to you?

[SCOFFS]

I knew it.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[KEYS JANGLING]

[KNOCK ON DOOR, DOOR OPENS]

Bus is here.

Alright.

Time to go to the big pen.

[PAPERS RUSTLE]

[BLOW'S "DARK DAYS" PLAYS]

♪♪

♪♪

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

Be careful. It's a zoo out there.

♪ You'd better be ready

♪ for the dark days ♪

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

Damn.

I've never seen this before.

Dory, why'd you do it?

Are you on dr*gs, Dory?

- Are you ready for jail, Dory?
- Are you mentally ill?

Dory, how does it feel
to be a viral sensation?

Dory, how'd you k*ll him?

Are you ashamed to have been arrested

in front of so many people?

Why are you smiling in your mug sh*t?

What are you so happy about?

How many more lives will be lost, Dory?

♪♪

♪ Don't wait ♪

♪ for us to be gone ♪

♪ For real ♪

♪ Don't wait for us ♪