01x08 - Chase Turns Fourteen

[bunniefuu]

Aw, so cute.

Cary, lean in.

Brooky, hold Chasey so he doesn't fall.

Now, let's get that bottle out of there.

We don't want that bottle in the photo.

Okay, say cheese.

Aw, hell yeah, you guys are k*lling it.

That is so f*cking hot.

And, uh, let's get that bottle in there.

Need that bottle in the photo.

- Okay, say Voss.
- ALL: Voss.

Okay, great, and now one
with just my two stars,

Brooky and Cary.

Okay, great, and now one

with just my two stars,
Chase and the water.

Oh, that's perfect.

This is going right in a frame.

Can we get the other two out of frame?

A little further.

Keep going.

Keep going. Keep go...

♪ All this dirty money in the city ♪

Can you believe that
this is a birthday party

for a -year-old?

I know, my th birthday
party was gumball-themed.

We just, like, ate different gums.

This is way better.

That actually sounds so nice right now.

Oh, did I tell you that
that Jeremy guy's coming?

Wait, the drama teacher from Jersey?

Yeah, he's in the city.

I spent, like, literally
all day preparing.

- Your butt?
- Yeah.

I haven't eaten in hours.

I'm f*cking starving.

Can you promise he's gay?

This isn't another roommate situation.

Yeah, no, he's... he's definitely gay,

and I'm really excited
about this because, like,

when we first met, I was
all depressed about my career,

but now I'm... I'm
definitely gaining traction.

Well, your bouffant
is certainly blonder.

- Tionna, wait.
- I am waiting.

You're not waiting, you're walking.

Oh, my God, who are all of these people?

I gave Streeter the smallest guest list.

I gotta go find him.

All right, I'm gonna go, uh...

check my butthole
in the bathroom, I guess.

Hey, Brooke!

Excuse me?

What is that? Where did you get that?

They just had it over here for me.

No, give me that.

Give it. Absolutely not.

You're not drinking alcohol tonight.
You're .

Plus you're contractually
obligated to drink Voss.

[bass-heavy music]

- Mom.
- Cary.

There you are.

Do I have your permission
to have fun tonight?

What?

Well, as you know,
this is my year of yes.

Very aware, yeah.

And I don't want you
and Brooky to be mad.

Why... why would we be mad?
It's a party.

Okay, good. I took Molly.

- What?
- Mona gave it to me.

Hi, I'm Mona.

- Hi.
- I effing love your mom.

Mona said that I deserved it
because I've worked really hard

and I've raised three children
and I deserve it.

Well, you're still raising one.

Don't worry 'cause, it
was, like, a super small dose

and she can handle it 'cause
this lady's a rock star.

Mona, I want to go over there.

Okay, let's go.

[giggles]

♪ Hey, yo, who the queen round here? ♪

Streeter, Streeter.

Who are all these people?

Whee are any of our friends?

Parties aren't about friends, Brooke.

They're about making sure

strangers know that you had one,

and that's why I invited all of
New York's hottest daughters.

Look here, there's Esther Lay,
the chip heiress,

and Tiffany Glad, trash bag heiress.

Natalie Kleenex, she's not a daughter.
She's just rich.

Okay, well, she's someone's daughter.

Oh, hey, can you do me a favor?

Can you tell Chase to meet me downstairs

in, like, ten minutes?

I have a present for him outside

that I think he's wheely gonna like.

Sure.

[cheering]

What up, guys?

I just want to say what up.

You know, way back when I was ,

I had no idea what
I was gonna do with my life,

- but now, here I am.
- [cheering]

It's been a long, hard journey,

almost six months,
and I couldn't have done it

without every single one of you.

[cheering]

Make sure to hashtag Voss water
on all your pictures

- and I'll like them.
- Hello?

Hey, Brooky monster, hey,
they're not letting me in.

- Wait, you're here?
- Hell yeah, I am.

It's Chase's birthday. Little
dude's becoming a little man.

Ugh, fine, I'll come get you,
but I can't hang out, okay?

I'm working.

And now my mom, the original dreamer,

would like to say what up.

Nope, nope, no.

No, uh, no, she can't make it
up here right now.

Uh, she's shy.

But you all know me.
I'm ChaseDreams' brother,

CaryDreams.

[cheers and applause]

Gay brother!

Thank you, thanks, thank you, yeah.

And, you know, I know I'm not
as good of a singer as he is,

but I just wanted to say, um,

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birth... ♪

Surpr... oh, it's just Brooke.

Hey, is Chasey coming down soon?

'Cause I'm illegally parked.

You got him a car?

- Yeah.
- He's .

Hey, well, everybody's gonna
get him a car when he's .

Oh, whoa, sick ride, baby.

I got it for Chase.

I think he's wheely gonna like it.

You know, 'cause of the wheels.

- [laughs]
- Hi, Lance.

This guy's with me, Brooke Dubek.

Sorry, you're not on the list.

Oh, family doesn't need
to be on the list.

- I know that 'cause I made it.
- It doesn't matter.

If you're not on the list,
you have to go in standby.

- With the losers?
- [scoffs]

Thank you so much for coming.

It's so good to see you.

You're so tan. Did you go on vacation?

Oh, no, I went on
"Watch What Happens Live."

- You did?
- Yeah.

It was stupid but,
you know, it was cool.

God, this party's crazy.

Your brother's gotten so huge.

My students would die if they
knew I was here right now.

I can get you a picture
with him if you want.

Oh, um...

Or with Esther Lay.

I just met her.

She's really, really nice.

I mean, it's weird that
she's here, but, you know,

it's helpful to know people like that.

Why, is she a director?

No, she's a chip heiress.

Oh.

Supris... ah, damn it.

Hey, uh, is ChaseDreams still up there?

Because I got him a present.

- I think he's wheely gonna...
- [horn honking]

Hey, go around. Just go around me!

Can't believe I'm in line for
a party that I planned.

I know what could cheer you up.

Check out my new shoes.

They're dry-erase, so you can
make 'em any kind you want:

Nike, Adidas, red.

Right now, they say,
"Happy birthday, Chase."

Actually, they say "Hap irthda, Cha."

I ran here.

Yeah, someone named
@CaryDreamsFeet started

following me, which is so weird
because my feet are fine.

You should get the foot filter app.

Yeah, it really smooths out
your feet and toes for pics.

Oh, that's a good idea.

I'm Jeremy, by the way.

Oh, sorry, that's Jeremy.

[gasps] Hi, you're Jeremy?

Yes.

- Are you really gay?
- Yes.

[gasps]

Cary, this is so good.

Thanks, Mom.

Mona, I wanna go over there.

Okay.

I love gay guys.

So you been DVRing "RHONY"?

No, Lance, I'm a businesswoman now,

so I don't have time for
"Real Housewives of New York."

That's why I DVR.

Okay, two more.

Oh, thank God. I have to pee so bad.

Oh, ow.

Remember to send Chasey down.

I don't want him to forget
about me tonight.

Or whatever.

Why is the women's line so long?

It's like, use the men's.

That's what it's for.

See, totally empty.

[gasps]

- Oh, Chase.
- Little man.

[moans]

God, he looks like sh*t.

Do you think anyone saw him?

No, we took him out the back, B.

No one will ever even know he left.

Any minute now.

This is ridiculous.

I was downstairs for minutes
and he got this wasted?

You know, sometimes
I feel like I'm the only one

that's looking out for him.

What about Care?

I mean, yeah, he's great,

he's just... he's a little
orange right now.

You mean like tan?

No, like orange inside.

[both laugh]

I think he's just
going through something.

He's not the only one.

I didn't see my mom once tonight.

Like, where the f*ck was she?

Girl, you are loving these nuts.

You mom is my friggin'
spirit animal right now.

Very cool, Mona.

Wait, I have to tell you
what happened this week.

I joined a gym, as you can see,

and my first morning on the treadmill,

one of my students got on next to me.

- No.
- Yes.

I was too embarrassed
to let him see me run,

so I hid in the locker room

and watched clips of dogs
feeling guilty on my phone.

The same thing just happened to me.

I had to start working out

'cause I was on
"Watch What Happens Live."

Yeah, you mentioned that.

Yeah, I mean, like, it was stupid,

but, you know, some people
said I was good on it.

Well, I can't wait to watch it.

Oh, I could pull it up right now.

- Oh, um...
- Just... yeah, I mean, just...

Just... yeah, okay, here we go.

It's still loading.

Still loading.

I think it's taking a long time

'cause I'm downloading
that foot filter app.

I can't believe Chase's
first time getting drunk

was in a club.

I just wanted him to have
a typical teenage experience,

- like mine.
- What was yours?

I got wasted on a thing
of peach schnapps under my bed

and my mom found the bottle
and grounded me

and then I told her
I wished she was dead

and we didn't talk for a month.

Chase'll never get that.

What, don't worry, cook Brooke,

he'll have plenty of firsts.

Maybe he'll lose his V-card
the way you did.

To the drummer from Snow Patrol?

Ew, Lance.

- [vomits]
- Ew, Chase.

[tires squeal]

Out, everybody out.

No, sir, we're about
to get on the bridge.

I don't care. Out!

All right, it should
load better out here.

Surpri... oh, God damn it.

- Streeter?
- God damn it.

Did you get Chase a car?

Yes, I got him a car,
and it's a great deal too.

He only has to say Chevy Camaro
in his next three songs.

- Uber for Jordan?
- Uh, what?

Uber for Jordan. I'm Jordan.

This isn't an Uber.

Sorry, I don't like it
when the drivers talk to me.

Yeah, this is good. You're cute.

Yeah, thanks.

Should we go back inside?

Oh, no, was it... was it weird
that I made you watch that?

Yes.

Okay, uh, well,
we want to go back inside.

CaryDreams.

You're not on the list.

Try gay brother.

[laughs] That's crazy.

Then I dated a guy who was only into me

'cause I was Chase's sister.

He wanted to do it to "Stink."

- Same thing happened to me.
- What?

Yeah, this girl wanted to sleep with me

just 'cause I used to date
Chase's sister.

Ew, how did she even find you?

His fans can find anybody.

Bunch of 'em followed my mom
too and her friend Connie.

- You know Connie.
- Aw, how is Connie?

She's a riot.

Hey, did he puke on my back at all?

Um, oh, barely.

Well, a lot. He puked a lot.

Yeah, I could feel it.

[cash register dings]

Sorry we couldn't get back in.

It's okay.

I, uh, came here to spend time with you.

I don't care where.

I feel bad I didn't
say good-bye to Esther Lay.

Yeah, I'm sure she's fine.

Yeah.

What's wrong?

Not hungry or?

No, I just wasn't eating in case we...

and I was the, you know.

Oh, yeah, oh, no.

I wasn't gonna eat in case I was the...

Well, one of us
can eat the pizza, right?

Right, yes.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I mean, um...

I'd prefer to eat the pizza.

Oh, really?

Yeah, but if you want to eat...

No, no, you can eat the pizza.

- Okay, I can, great.
- Uh-huh.

- For tonight.
- Okay, cool.

[chuckles]

I feel like I should DM
Esther Lay good-bye

just so she doesn't
think I'm rude, right?

I don't want her mad at me or anything.

Yeah, sure.

Whoo, we're going on a ride now!

Hey, I know him.

Oh, my God, you're high.

That's an Uber driver.

This is not an Uber.

There's a bow on it.

Hey, can we just go back
to your place and have sex?

Oh, now?

- Yes, great, good, yes, okay.
- Yeah, good, uh-huh.

What is happening?

And my roommate actually sucks,

so could we go to my brother's place?

I know that's weird, but
they won't be back for hours.

- O-Okay.
- Great.

- Your brother's place, great.
- Yes.

I love you, Streeter.

And I love Chase.

He's like a father to me.

That's nice.

I know everyone laughs at you,
but not me.

I think you're great.

- Whoo, we're going so fast.
- Whoo!

- Everyone laughs at me?
- Whoo!

Okay, I'm very much starting to get mad.

Can we just go?

You know, mad respect to Justin,

but I do not get "The Leftovers."

I think you just have to keep watching.

Cary says it picks up.

What season are you on?

I just finished the third.

Oh, then you just don't like it.

Damn, but I love to like things.

Aw, I know you do.

You just put him down by the motorcycle.

Think he's gonna puke again.

He should probably be by a toilet.

Yeah, well, the motorcycle is a toilet.

Damn, for real?

I got you, bro.

This place is exactly

what my house is gonna
look like when I'm rich.

Wait, is there a UP hot tub?

No.

Okay, it's almost what
my house is gonna look like.

[loud thump]

Cary?

[clears throat]

What are you doing here?

Oh, um, sex?

[whispers] Hell yeah, Care.

That's what I'm talking about, Care.

Thank you, Lance.

Okay, well, we're here
because Chase got drunk

and has been puking his guts out.

- He did?
- Yes.

Where was Mom?

You'd think if your husband
was a full-blown alcoholic,

you'd be more protective
of your kid in the club.

What?

Oh, sh*t.

Nothing. Nothing, buddy.

I was just joking.

Hey, come on, man.

Why don't we get you
back to your motorcycle?

Whoa, I like your shoes.

[chuckles] Thanks, homie.

- Hello, I'm home now!
- [laughs]

She's home.

Mom, what are you doing here?

I'm riding a horsey.

Shh, it's just Streeter.

[laughs]

It's just me. I'm not a horse.

What are you guys doing?
You laughing at me?

What? No, why?

N-no reason. I was just checking.

Wait, is this Justin Theroux's house?

Why is my night so random?

- Who are you?
- I-Isn't it fancy?

My bedroom is a swimming pool.

This place has a pool?

Are you playing? Come on, man.

The hits just keep coming.

- Lance.
- Mama D.

What is going on with Mom?

Is she drunk too?

No, she's on Molly
because she deserves it?

What?

Welcome to our house.

It's better than our old house

because my husband d*ed there

and that made me very sad.

Mom, are you okay?

But now I'm very happy!

And now I'm very tiny.

And now I have a secret for you.

What did she say?

That she wants to go over there.

Okay.

So why did we stop here?

Mom, what you doing over here?

Oh, my kids, I love you so much.

Just know that I will always
be here to protect all of you.

Oh, really, Mom, all of us?

What do you mean?

Okay, well, you know that
I'm Chase's assistant, right?

- I'm not his mo...
- Brooke, maybe not right now.

Hey, what are you guys talking about?

You, haha, laughing at me?

You know, my shirt
and my hair and all this?

'Cause I'm in on it.

No, we're having a family moment.

I have so many nuts in my purse.

Who put all these nuts in here?

What, you did, you friggin' psycho.

Oh, my God, that lady
is a friggin' psycho,

- but I love her so much.
- Oh, crap.

I gotta go save Chase.

Yeah, and I should walk Lance out.

I got nothing to do.

Hey, sorry, Jeremy,

I don't think now's
the best time for a photo.

What?

I just... he's feeling
kind of sick so...

I wasn't asking for a photo.

He was just bringing me water
'cause you guys were talking.

Oh, sorry, I just...

I knew you wanted a photo
with him for your students.

I mean, I guess... I guess
I could take one with you.

What?

It's just... 'cause, you know,

they might weirdly know who I am

because of...

I actually think I'm gonna go.

What?

I'm just feeling a little tired.

Okay, yeah, no, cool.

Cool, yeah, all right.

I'll walk you out.

Feel better.

Thanks.

Hey, thanks for all your help tonight.

Of course. You know I got you, girl.

Um, and as a thank-you,

you can tell me what's
been happening on "RHONY."

Oh, hell yeah.

Okay, so on the last ep,
they all went to the Catskills

and Ramona fell in the fireplace

and they showed her whole butt.

Whoa. They didn't blur it?

No, I think it's 'cause it
didn't really look like a butt.

[laughs]

Hey, is everything okay?

Yeah, I just...

I'm just not sure if I'm into
this whole new vibe.

What do you mean?

Is this 'cause of the picture thing?

- No.
- 'Cause I...

I just, uh...

I know I don't know you that well,

but it feels like you a month ago

would make fun of you now.

- Oh, yikes.
- I just...

It feels like you don't

really know who you are right now.

Um, okay.

Uh, I'm... I'm sorry?

I... I guess you could
have eaten the pizza.

Okay.

- Okay.
- I...

I... I'm sorry.

- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

All right, I'm gonna bounce.

Uh, but if you want
to watch the "RHONY" reunion,

let me know.

But, heads-up, it's six nights.

Okay.

Okay, cook Brooke, I'll see you later.

["Visions of Gideon" by Sufjan Stevens]

♪ ♪

♪ I have loved you for the last time ♪

♪ Is it a video? ♪

♪ Is it a video? ♪

♪ For the love, for laughter ♪

♪ I flew up to your arms ♪

♪ Is it a video? ♪

♪ Is it a video? ♪

♪ For the love, for laughter ♪

♪ I flew up to your arms ♪

♪ Is it a video? ♪

♪ Is it a video? ♪

Cary. Cary?

Just give him a second.

He's doing "Call Me by Your Name."

Oh, you know, I never saw that movie.

Yes, you did. We went with Cary.

Remember, he sat facing us
while we watched it.

Oh, yes, that's right.

Aw, they're so cute.

You know, Cary just had
his th birthday party.

It was gumball themed.

It was gonna be dinosaurs,

but Target had
a lot of gumball stuff so...

But, hey, everybody loves a gumball,

right, Chasey?

Ugh, he just threw up on me.

Seriously where is the bathroom?

The bathroom is downstairs.

- It is downstairs?
- It's downstairs.

And it's good for both?

- Yes, there's both.
- Okay, great.

Bye buddy.

Did he mean both pee and poop?

Hey everyone, welcome
to "The Other Show."

We're talking about episode eight today.

And we are joined by
Drew and Helene, as always,

and Josh Segarra, who plays Lance.

- What's up guys?
- Yeah!

- Hello!
- What about us?

Hi, hello.

I didn't know if I was
allow to stand up in the...

I was so stressed to
high five on camera.

[laughter]

Whoa! Sick ride, baby!

I got it for Chase.

I think he's wheely gonna like it.

You know, 'cause the wheels.

[Lance laughs]

Hi, Lance.

Now, you guys knew each other?

We've known each other
for like a decade, yeah.

Not super close, but man,

we've been buddies ever since, man.

[Chris] Just from the
theatre world, right?

- 'Cause you do Broadway too, yeah.
- Because we do the theater,

Josh and I know each other.

Our show has so many
Broadway people in it.

Like really trained people.

- And Drew.
- And then Drew.

- Of course.
- And Drew.

I've never seen a stage.

He's never seen a Broadway
show, you've never gone...

Don't like plays. I hate 'em.

You saw Angels in America Part One.

- [laughing] Yes.
- Did you see the second part?

- I still haven't seen it.
- He came to set and was like,

"I'm gonna go see the second part,"
we were like, "Mm-hmm."

Still hasn't seen it as if it's running

and it's a possibility.

[Drew laughs loudly]

- What are you doing here?
- Oh, um...

- Sex?
- Hell yeah, Care.

That's what I'm talkin about, Care.

Here's a weird thing we just remembered

is that you auditioned for like

a thousand different roles, didn't you?

- I did.
- Sorry.

No way, that was awesome though!

Those are days that actors remember.

You kidding me?
Now that it worked out this way.

- Yeah.
- I remember that day for sure.

I read three different parts.

- I kept going...
- Do you remember it?

Uh-uh, it was the flight attendant,

then it was the roommate,

and that was hilarious 'cause
now I know what happens.

And that's super fun, right?

Imagine that all the time and
that would've been very fun, buddy.

- [laughing]
- Then they said,

"Hey man, you wanna come
play with this one?"

I said, "Heck yeah, I love this guy."
And it was awesome, man.

We basically had to
make it fit you better.

So we spent a little time with you,

started hearing the words you said.

Like "Oh, hell yeah."

- [laughing]
- And that became a part...

Your voice became a
part of the character.

I don't know why you're
lying on camera, Sarah,

because we all know that
Lance is your spirit animal.

Lance has lived inside of you for years.

Once I found it, it really came...

I remember going up to you
on set on night and saying

"Can you say, "Oh hell yeah," here?

- and you said, "Oh, hell yeah."
- [laughing]

No! Gimme that. Give it. Absolutely not.

Not drinking alcohol tonight.
You're .

Plus you're contractually
obligated to drink Voss.

What did you do for your
birthdays when you were little?

So in Orlando, where I grew up,

for many years we went to this resort.

So I remember, it's
either my th or th,

and I remember men,

just beautiful men, in Speedos.

And I remember this pool being
like, "This is the best!"

An arcade, they had
WrestleFest, the video game.

They had an indoor pool,
outdoor pool, but men!

So we go to the top of the slide,

and I meet two men!

Gorgeous men.

And I say, "Guys, what's
going on here, man?"

And it's the first time
I learned what Pride was.

Pride is the weekend of June,

and they were holding
Pride at that resort.

And I was also having my birthday.

So for your th
birthday you went to Pride.

Pride at a pool with a slide, an arcade.

- That's great.
- And I made some of the best friends.

Wow!

- We grew up differently.
- [laughing]

Hey, did he puke on my back at all?

Um... Oh.

Uh, barely.

Well, a lot. He puked a lot.

Yeah, I could feel it.

This is the episode
where these two characters

reconnect, Brooke and Lance.

And we really, when we were writing it,

we were just like, what are...

Almost leaning into
the rom-comness of it.

A little bit of like...

What are these iconic
places we can put them in?

One of them was on the bridge.

- On the Brooklyn Bridge.
- Yeah.

And so we had to sh**t...
We had to like sh...

...shut down small part of the bridge

and like redirect tourists
who were very eager

to see who was sh**ting and then...
they didn't really care.

- [laughing]
- We gotta be honest.

They liked Case though.

- Case got stopped many times!
- Case got recognized.

Case would get stopped sometimes.

A couple times filming,
people would come up

to me and be like, "Who's
filming over there?"

- And I'd kind of be like, "Uh, me."
- [deep voice] Me.

[laughing]

"Hi, it's me."

To take it down, you sort of think like,

"Oh, I wanna be on a tv show."

And then you're closing off
parts of the Brooklyn Bridge.

You're there waiting
for the sun to go down,

and you're like, "Whoa!"

- It was crazy.
- That was such a special like...

The scene watching those characters have

separated from each other.

You watched him help
your little brother,

and that is, like, I think
something a lot of us

can relate to with past relationships

- is they become a part of your family.
- Of course.

Yeah. Well, it's like you...

I think that she thought that her life

was gonna be this big thing,
and then she...

you know, is faced with this
person who is a part of it,

and she's like, "I don't need this."

Then realizes how important
those simple things are

- and that kind of a connection.
- Yeah.

And not to be too dramatic
'cause this is a comedy thing,

but we did talk about, 'cause we both
have a parent who d*ed,

and we talked about
relating to having an ex

that knew our parent.
And then being like,

we're breaking up with them,

but you still feel a
connection because you're like,

they knew me when I was
then or they knew them.

- And they were there with me while...
- So it was like a homeliness.

...that was happening.

So we kind of liked that about
your character in the season.

That you're introduced as a dummy,

or introduced as a comic relief,

- or as like a this guy.
- Yeah.

But humanizing him throughout
and seeing that he is like

a solid person, he is
like a rock and he is like

- feels like home.
- Home to her.

Yeah, and it's even like on the bridge,

he says something about
his mom's friend's Connie.

- And like, you know...
- Yeah.

- Those are kind of easy connections.
- You just know there's a shorthand.

That you know who Connie is, yeah.

Yeah, in the middle of laughter
you see two people connect.

You know, taking care
of their younger brother.

- You know...
- Totally.

You know, it's very easy to kind
of stay on the surface of stuff,

but you get down to it,

that's why this thing is cool.

- That's why I'm happy to be here.
- That's nice.

That's nice.

Hell yeah.