06x05 - Visitor from Italy

[bunniefuu]

"Visitor from Italy"

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

(theme song ending)

Listen, I'll go get Fred and Ethel.

Oh, don't bother, honey.

They'll be right over.

Oh, all right.

Hey, you know something?

We haven't played bridge since before
we went to Europe.

I know. I'll bet I've forgotten

everything I ever knew about bridge.

Good, then maybe we can win.

Oh, pooh.

(knock at door)

Well, why the formality?

Come on in.

Really.

Yes?

Senora Ricardo.

Senora Ricardo, it's so good to see
you again.

It's so good to see you again, Senor
Ricardo.

Uh, well, uh, it's good to see you
again, too.

Yeah, yeah, it sure is.

You know, you said, "If ever you come
to America,

you must be sure and stop and say
hello."

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

When I got off of the boat

this morning from Italy,

I said to myself,

"Suppose the Ricardos don't remember
me?"

Oh, not remember you?

Oh-ho, imagine not remembering him.

Yeah. How about that?

You... (chuckles)

How could we possibly forget you?

Yeah, good ol'... you.

Uh, Ricky, can I see you in the
kitchen for a moment?

Make yourself at home.
Grazie.

Excusa momento.

Grazie.
Yeah.

(whispering): Who is he?

I don't know.

His face is awfully familiar, but
I... I...

Well, think. Now, who do we know from
Italy?

I can't place him, honey.

I know. Florence.

Florence who?

Florence, Italy.

He's that friend of the Leders'

that was so nice to us.

Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

So, you just got off the boat today,
huh?

That's right.

And New York, she's a beautiful city.

Yeah, well, not as half as beautiful
as Florence, I'll bet.

By the way, how are things in
Florence?

I don't know. I was never in
Florence.

So, you just got off the boat today,
huh?

That's right.

And when I got off the boat in
America,

I said to myself, I says, "Mario..."

Mario.

Mario.

Mario?

I said, "Mario, the first thing you
got to do

is to look up your old friends, the
Ricardos and the Mertzes."

Oh, the Mertzes.
The Mertzes!

Well, they live right across the
hall.

Yeah. I'll go get them.

I'll go get them.
(speaking Italian)

Yeah, they live...
Ah!

Uh, look who's here.
Mario!

Yeah, Mario.

Mario, oh, how are you?
Senora Mertz.

Oh, and Senor Mertz.

Man, what a surprise.

How's it going, boy?

Fine. Just fine.

Fred, Ethel, could we see you

in the kitchen for a moment, please?

RICKY: Yeah.
Sit down, Mario.

Excusa minute.
Sit down.
Grazie. Grazie.

Who is he?

Don't you know?

No. Don't you?

No. I thought you did.

Oh, dear.

All we know is that his name is
Mario,

and he met us someplace in Europe.

Well, I got a clue.

What? What?

He's Italian.

Listen, let's see

if we can try to find out what-what
city he's from.

That's a good idea.

Yeah, if we know the city,

maybe we can place his face.

Yeah.
Yeah, huh?

(sighs)

(Ethel and Ricky chuckling)

Well, we...
we certainly

enjoyed our trip through Italy.

Rome?

Naples?

Genoa?

San Remo...

Oh, San Remo!
San Remo!

San Remo!
San Remo!

Someday I would like to go there.

So, you just got off the boat today,
huh?

That's right.

And you know something?

You haven't changed a bit.

You all look just like you look in
the picture

you gave me.

Picture?

The one you took in my gondola

on the Grand Canal.
Gondola!

Grand canal.

Venice.

ALL: Mario!

Mario, the gondolier!

(speaking Italian)

(speaking Italian)

Ah, si, bueno.
Ah, si, Mario.

How long you gonna be in town?

Well, just for few months.

Oh.

I-I come to surprise my brother
Dominic.

Oh, that's right.

You told us you had a brother in New
York.

Yeah.
That's right.
He was not there.

Oh?
Somebody said

he went to visit Sam Francesco.

I wrote it down on a piece of paper.

Ah... ah... ah, ah.

Maybe Mrs. Ricardo,

maybe you can help me.
Sure.

How can I find this Sam Francesco?

Well, let's see now...

Well, my writing, she's not so pretty
good.

No. That's all right.

" West Third..."

Oh, this isn't Sam Francesco.

It's San Francisco.

Who?

Not "who," "what."

San Francisco's a big city.

Oh... well, maybe you can tell me how
I get there.

Can I, can I walk?

Oh, not from New York, no.

It's , miles away.

Eh!

Yes, you'll have to take a train or a
plane or bus.

Yeah.
Train, plane... oh.

Well, I got $ .

Is she enough?

Oh, no, I'm afraid she isn't.

No. It's about $ by bus.

$ . Mama mia!

Oh, well, now, Mario, don't worry.

We'll all chip in and help you.

Sure, Mario.
We'll give you the money.

Sure, we'll be glad to.

Won't we, Fred?

Yeah, glad.

No, no, I'm sorry.

Borrowing is no way to start a
vacation in America. No.

Well, why not?
That's the way

Americans always start their
vacations.

Besides, if we don't give you the
money,

how you going to get to see your
brother?

Yeah.
Well, I work.

I get a job and make the money to pay
the... the bus.

Well, all right, Mario.

If you want to get a job, we'll help
you get a job.

Sure. Mario, what can you do?

Well, I'm the best gondolier in all
of Venice.

Oh, dear.

No, I'm afraid it's slack season

for gondoliers in New York.

Unless you go down to Canal Street.

Fred.

LUCY: Hey!

I-I got an idea.

I know where he can get a job--

in Ricky's nightclub.

He can?

Yeah. He can work as a busboy.

He can?

Sure. He can make $ in a couple of
nights.

He can?

Well, if he won't take the job, I
will.

Uh, look.

You stay here with us

and-and then you go to work tomorrow
night.

$ for two days.

My goodness.

America, she's a great country.

Good morning, honey.

Morning. Where's Mario?

I don't know.
He was gone when I got up.

Look, when he comes back, give him
this check for $

and put him on the bus.

Put him on the bus? Why?

Is something wrong?

Oh, no, no, no.

You and your bright ideas.

What happened?

Well, first of all,

he thought that the nightclub was in
a canal in Venice.

What do you mean?

He collected all the garbage and
threw it out the window.

Well, now, that was a honest mistake.

That's just the beginning.

When I stopped singing "Babalu,"

he stopped to applaud.

So what? I've seen busboys applaud
before.

While they're carrying a tray full of
dishes?

Well, he's not the first busboy

that ever drop a tray full of
dishes...

Wait, wait, there's more.

There's more?

Yeah.

As he bent over to clean the mess
that he had made,

the maitre d' was coming in with a
cake for some newlyweds.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

He tripped over Mario,

the whole thing went up in the air,

and that bride and groom

have the world's first upside-down
wedding cake.

Oh, my goodness.

What happened to Mario then?

The last I saw of Mario,

the maitre d' and the chef each had
him by an arm

and they were carrying him out the
back door.

Oh, dear.

So, just give him the $ and put him
on the bus.

Honey, I don't think he's ever gonna
believe

that he should get all this money

for just one night's work.

Look, Lucy, he thought that America
was a great country.

Well, just tell him that

it's a little greater than he thought
it was.

Maybe I can get another idea for a
job...

I can't afford any more of your
ideas.

Oh, honey....
Now, make up your mind.

It's either

"Arrivederci, Mario or "Good-bye,
Lucy."

(knocking at door)

Oh, hi, Mario.

Buon giorno, Senora.

Um, Mario, I have good news for you.

Si, senora?

You're going to be on your way to see
your brother today.

Ricky left your pay with me.

My-my pay?

Yeah, for last night at the club.

I can't take the money.

Why not? It's your pay.

No. Last night, I'm a-get fire.

No, Mario.
You didn't get a-fire.

Yes, I'm a-get fire.

Mario, I think you misunderstood.

Ricky said that you...

Please, Senora Ricardo,

my English is not so pretty good,
but...

in my country, when two men grab me,
push me to the door

and kaploopa, I'm a-fire!

Well, look, Mario,

will you accept this money as a
friendly gesture

from our country to yours?

Grazie a molto.

No.

How are you going to get to see your
brother?

I got good news, too.

I got another job.

Another job?

Si. I was taking a walk.

I pass by a pizza restaurant.

In the window, I see a sign

that says, "somebody to make pizza."

That's me.

I go inside, I get the job.

Well, that's just wonderful.

And now I stay three more days,

make enough money to go see my
brother Dominic

in San Francisco.

Three more days...
and nights.

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, sit down, Mario.

Grazie, grazie.

Could I see you in the kitchen for a
minute?

Ethel, how'd you like to play

a new game called "hide the
houseguest"?

Mario.

Yeah, he's going to be here three
more days.

Well, you see, he got another job

after Ricky told me to get rid of
him.

So, now if Ricky finds him here,
he'll blow his Cuban cork!

Nice to be alone, huh?

Sure is.

Well, let's see now.

Mario's been gone for two days.

He should be halfway to San
Francisco.

He should be.

Well, I gotta go to work, dear.

I'll see you later.

All right, sweetheart.

Good-bye.

Bye, doll.

(doorbell buzzes)

Mrs. Ricardo?

Yes?

Bureau of Immigration.

Do you know a Mario Orsatti?

Come in.

Yes, sir. Why?

Is he here?

Here? No, he isn't here.

Anything wrong?

I understand for the past two days,

he's been working at Martinelli's
Pizza Parlor.

That's right.

Well, I was just over there, and it
isn't opened yet.

No, not now.
Well, you see,

Mario Orsatti entered this country on
a visitor's visa.

Visitors are not allowed to work.

So, if your friend has violated the
law,

he may have to be deported.

Deported?

Oh, you couldn't do a thing like
that.

Oh, oh, Mario didn't know he was
breaking the law.

Honest, he didn't, and I didn't
either.

You see, he was just working to get a
little money

so he could go visit his brother in
San Francisco,

and that's the truth, the whole truth

and nothing but the truth, so help
me, Your Honor.

We try to be lenient in these cases.

However, Mrs. Ricardo,

under no circumstances is Orsatti to
continue working.

Even for one more day?

Not without a work permit.

And it'll take him at least days
to get one.

I, uh, trust that you'll see he'll
get this information?

Oh, yes, sir.

Yes, sir, I'll, I'll tell him, and
thank you, sir.

That's quite all right. Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Ethel, Ethel,

could I see you in the kitchen for a
moment, please?

Please!

This time Mario go in the kitchen.

Okay.

What's up?

We're in a terrible jam.

A man from the Immigration Bureau

just told me that if Mario works one
more day,

he's gonna Deported! be
deported.

Yeah, it's the law.

Visitors can't work without a permit.

So we can't let him go back to that
pizza place.

Lucy!

If Mario ever finds out that he broke
the law

he won't even accept the two days
salary

that's coming to him.

So we mustn't let him know.

Well, how are we gonna get his money?

Well... I could go down and pick it
up

if you'll stay with Little Ricky

when he comes home from school.

I will.

Let's see now, he's got two days
salary coming.

Bus fare...

I'll make up the rest out of my
allowance.

That's good. Mario doesn't have to
know anything about it.

Okay, all right.

Uh, Mario?

Ma...

Si, senora?
Uh, Mario...

Uh, Mr. Martinelli just called

and said that-that you don't have to
go to work today.

No work? How come no work?

Well, um...
it's a new labor law.

Uh, you see, when you, when you start
a new job,

you work two days, and then you get
the third day off...

with pay.

That's-a the law?

Yep. What's the name of that new law,
Ethel?

I don't know. You're the labor expert
around here.

It's called the, um...

"The Taft-Hartley Visitors From Italy

"Who Work In Pizzerias

Get Every Third Day Off Amendment."

My goodness.

America, she's a great country.

Yes.

Uh, Mario, as long as you don't have
to go to work,

why don't you relax.

Just sit around and rest up for your
bus trip tomorrow, huh?

Yeah, that's a good idea.

And I'll go down and pick up your
pay.

Oh, you such lovely people.

Table, senora?

Uh, I'd like to see Mr. Martinelli,
please.

Si, senora.
I'll get him.

You wanted to see me?

Mr. Martinelli?
Yes.

Mr. Martinelli, I'm Mrs. Ricardo,

where Mario is staying?

Yes?
Well, Mario is very sick

and he won't be able to come back and
work anymore.

So, I came over to pick up his two
days salary.

Oh, no.

What do you mean "Oh, no"?

I made a deal with Mario to work
three days.

He works three days or no pay.

Well, that doesn't seem very fair.

Look, the pizza chef

is getting off in five minutes.

If Mario is not here to relieve him,
no pay.

Uh, uh, Mr. Martinelli,

uh, if I, if I could find a
substitute for Mario,

will you pay the money?

Well, it all depends.

Who are you going to get?

Well, um...

I know a pizza specialist.

Who?

Me.

You?

Yes.

You know how to make pizza?

Yes. Yes, I majored in pizza

in my high school cooking class.

Yeah, I make all kinds.

Uh, you see, people from Rome

write me for my pizza recipe.

I'll give you a cap and an apron.

Two pizzas.

(motor humming)

Here you are, Miss.

Thank you.

One pizza,

mushroom and sausage!

Oh, I'm a little rusty.

Hurry up with my pizza!

Oh, he's wonderful, isn't he?

Oh, he's sweet.

LITTLE RICKY: Hi, Daddy.

Hi, son.

Where's Lucy?

Oh, Ricky, let's go over to your
apartment

and discuss it.

She's not there.

Come on.

What's the matter with you?

Hello, Senor Ricardo!

Hello, Mario.

Mario? What are you doing here?

It's my day off.

Your day off?
Come on, Mario.

It's our turn in the kitchen.

Our turn in the kitchen!
Come on, come on.

Ethel!

Come here.

Start back at the beginning

and tell me the whole story.

You're not gonna like it.

Ethel!

What do you think you're doing?

Well?

No speak-a de English.

How could you?

After todas estes cosas que te
dije...

I was only trying to help Mario.

...te di sesenta pesos para que se
pusiera

el hombre...

(all talking at once)

Wait. Un momento, estoy hablando con
la senora aqui.

Look what you...!

Get out! Get out!

You're fired!
Estupida!

Just a minute! You can't talk that
way to my wife!

Ah, now, just one minute!

(all talking at once)

Brother! This fiasco will cost Ricky
a fortune:

bus fare, cleaning bill

for the entire wedding party down at
the club,

broken dishes,

b*rned-out pizza oven.

I know exactly what it cost: $ . .

Ricky did everything but tattoo the
number on my chest.

Hi. Well, that's that.

You get him on the bus?

Yep. He's on his way to San
Francisco.

I stayed there until the bus pulled
out.

(knock at door)

Senor Ricardo?

Yes?

Excuse me.

Come in. Come in.

They tell me Mario is staying here.

Well, Mario was here, but he's on his
way to California.

California?

Yes. He found out that

his brother Dominic moved to San
Francisco.

Mama-mia! But I am his brother
Dominic!

You're You! Dominic!

I no move to San Francisco.

I just go stay with my sick friend
Sam Francesco.

Oh, no!

(orchestral fanfare playing)

ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy"

starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

has been presented for your pleasure

by Instant Sanka,

the hardy coffee you can drink as
strong as you like,

it still can't affect your nerves.

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

ANNOUNCER: The role of Mario was
played by Jay Novello

and Peter Brocco was his brother
Dominic.

Eduardo Ciannelli was Mr. Martinelli.

Louis A. Nicoletti played the waiter.

The immigration man was James Flavin

and Aldo Formica was the pizza chef.

"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.